One Piece, Two Piece, Red Piece, Blue Piece
by Bluejay Blaze
Summary: I was four years old when I fell through a doorway between worlds. Luckily for me, I didn't end up alone. Three brothers and a gang of mountain bandits were kind enough to take me in. My older brother's gonna be king of the pirates, and he's bringing me and an ever expanding family along for the ride. Crazy? You bet. Awesome? Most definitely. Allons-y!
1. Brothers

The year was 1997. I had turned four about six months ago; my family had just moved out of town to live in the bush, in an area known alternately as the LaCloche Foothills or the Rainbow Mountains. Like any four year old, I spent my first Saturday there exploring the woods.

That's how my adventures began. Pretty cliché, eh?

Just downhill from our new house, I found the most magnificent pair of pine trees I'd ever seen. Tall, strong, bushy- they were prefect for climbing. The pair rose from either end of a little island in the swamp, their tips as high as the top of our house. They filled the air with a thick, sticky smell. Sort of Christmas-y, but also not. Golden globes of resin sparkled in the sunlight.

Between the trees was a rock. It was as tall as my dad, a pillar of stone with a hole through it just big enough for me to sit in. The rock was worn, and a lighter shade of grey than any others in the area. Strange pictures had been engraved around the hole. They looked sort of like letters, but not any letters I'd seen before. Although, since I was just learning to read, I could hardly be considered an expert.

With a little bit of a struggle, I was able to pull myself up into the holey rock. There was nothing interesting to be found inside. Still, it was nice and warm. I squirmed happily.

A few minutes later, I heard my dad calling me in for lunch. I crawled through the rock to slip out the other side, ready to run back up the hill. Only, I didn't land in the swamp. Instead I tumbled down a mossy slope that hadn't been there the moment before. A huge tree stopped my rolling; it hadn't been there before either. I looked up the way I'd come, but could no longer see the rock or the pine trees. Nor could I hear my dad calling me anymore. Hugging my knees to my chest, I began to cry.

My eyes were puffy and sore by the time I noticed someone watching me. It was a woman, younger than my parents, with dark green hair. A basket in her hand was full of mushrooms. I wondered why anyone would want to gather mushrooms- in my experience, they tasted nasty.

The woman smiled at me; I flinched. "Hello. I haven't seen you around here before. What's your name sweetie?"

I frowned, shaking my head. Name, name... I knew I had one, but what was it again? My head was sore and fuzzy.

Anyway, I wasn't supposed to talk to strangers. I didn't even know where I was (or how I'd gotten there), so everyone there _must_ be a stranger.

"I'm Makino. Do you need help finding your parents?"

Shaking my head, I stared at the ground. Somehow I doubted I'd be finding my parents any time soon. More tears seeped from my eyes. A look of pity crossed Makino's face. She reached down and grabbed my hand.

"Here, let's go back to my bar and I'll look after that head of yours. You must've had quite the fall."

I nodded reluctantly. Makino was a stranger- I knew I shouldn't go with her- but what could I do? I couldn't find my house, my dad... Where were they?

 **xXx**

Another child was already at _Party's Bar_ when Makino led me in. He was older than me- though no taller- with black hair and a goofy smile that reminded me of my friend Dustin. Funny, I could remember Dustin's name, but not my own. I sat beside this new boy while Makino looked at my head.

He ignored me, engrossed in examining a battered straw hat. At least, until Makino frowned and cleared her throat.

The boy jumped. "Ah! Sorry! Hi, I'm Monkey D Luffy, future king of the pirates! Who're you?"

I shook my head, a lump forming in my throat. Just because this boy _looked_ like Dustin didn't mean he _was_. If I said anything, this Luffy would call me a freak like all the other kids. He'd hate me. Only Dustin protected me. Everyone else thought I was a freaky brain monster.

"She hit her head pretty hard Luffy," Makino explained. "She might not remember who or where she is."

"That's so sad!" Luffy exclaimed. Arms like great rubber bands wrapped around me, squishing me. I squirmed in protest.

"I'm gonna call you Bluejay!"

Makino looked askance at Luffy. "What do you mean?"

He blinked. "Well, she doesn't have a name, ne? So we have to give her one. She reminds me of those birds Shanks told me about from the Grand Line, you know, the winter ones?"

"And how is that?" Makino pried Luffy off of me so she could check me for other injuries. He shrugged and picked his nose.

"I dunno. She just does."

When Makino looked at me, I just shrugged. I didn't mind. It would do well enough until I remembered my real name. Besides, I liked blue jays. Makino smiled.

"Well Bluejay, can you tell us how old you are?"

I held up four fingers. Luffy pouted.

"No fair! That's three less than me! How're you as big as me?"

"Girls grow first," Makino explained. "She might not be forever."

My face heated up. I squirmed, wanting to hide under a table. No one paid this much attention to me except my family and Dustin; I was starting to become uncomfortable. I hid my face in my knees.

Rubber arms wrapped around me again. I could feel Luffy's heart beating excitedly against my back. "Is Blue gonna stay with us?"

"She can if she would like."

I shrugged and nodded. Then I poked Luffy's rubber arm curiously.

"Shishishi! I'm a rubber man!" The silly grin dropped, as if Luffy suddenly realized something. "You're not scared of me, are you? A lot of other kids are."

Why would I be scared of him? I'd never met a rubber man before, but it was like being a superhero, right? So Luffy was good. A lump in my throat prevented me from speaking, so I smiled and hugged one of the rubber arms. Luffy beamed.

 **xXx**

I shared a room with Makino that night. The next day, she took Luffy and I both to get new clothes. A few of the other kids in town saw us and started whispering about freaks, just like the kids at my old school. I tucked so close to Luffy that I was practically hiding behind him. He shot me a sad look.

"They're talking about me, Blue, not you."

Only because they didn't know me. I shuddered, wishing I had my dad with me, or maybe Dustin. Luffy and I ran to catch up with Makino. She was already in a little store, examining a blue and white dress. I stuck my tongue out and shook my head. Makino sighed.

"No dresses, really? But it would look so cute on you."

I shook my head again and joined Luffy in sifting through a pile of t-shirts. At his insistence, I picked out some abstract blue and white ones that made me look like my new name. When Makino tried to get me interested in matching skirts, I grabbed a few pairs of black shorts.

"At least let me do something with your hair," Makino pleaded. I frowned. I hated my hair- straight as a pin and static-y, an indistinct dirty blonde. It was always in my way. Before I could do anything, Makino wrapped a red bandanna over my head, covering my hair like hers.

"When it's a little longer I can braid it for you."

I flinched, remembering my little sister's attempts at "braiding." No way was anyone doing that to me again!

Makino suddenly looked concerned. "Bluejay, can you talk? I haven't heard you say a word since I found you."

The lump was still in my throat. I knew what it was- fear. What it was fear of, I wasn't sure. But until I stopped being afraid, I wouldn't be able to talk. I rocked my head side to side, uncertain. Luffy laughed.

"It's okay Blue! I'll talk for you if you need it."

I smiled.

 **xXx**

For several weeks I spent all my time playing with Luffy. He didn't seem to notice that I avoided all the other kids. I was glad. Then again, he seemed to want to stay away from them too...

I still couldn't talk. Maybe it was because I missed my family- my dad especially. He was the one who always helped me when I was afraid. I was also worried that if I spoke Luffy would think I was a crazy freak, like all the kids at school used to.

Luffy was more than happy to do most of the talking though. At least until one day when I found him hiding in a barrel in Makino's cellar, shaking. He pulled me into the barrel and held his finger to his lips.

"Gramps is here. Don't let him find me."

Less than five minutes later, a giant hand plucked Luffy up by the back of his shirt. I jumped out of the barrel and kicked the shin of a very large man. Loud laughter echoed above me.

"Bwahahahaha! So this is your little girlfriend, eh Luffy?"

"Leave Blue alone dummy! Put me down!"

"Say goodbye Luffy. You're coming with Grandpa to a special training place. Little girls can't become strong marines."

The man's words hurt. _Little girls can't become strong._ I was strong, wasn't I? Daddy always said I was. Was he just being nice?

I snapped out of it as the man- Gramps- took Luffy away. Tears streaming down my face, I chased after them. Every once in a while Gramps would look back, see me following, and growl.

Hours passed. I scraped my knees and hands as I chased Gramps up the mountain, through tangles of jungle and marsh. A snake almost bit me at one point. I lost precious seconds stopping to beat its head in with a rock.

When Gramps stopped, it was so sudden that I nearly ran into the back of his knees. I stopped myself just in time. Instead I hid behind a tree. Gramps may not have liked me, but if he didn't know I was there, he couldn't make me leave.

I listened as Gramps introduced Luffy to people named Ace and Dadan before he stomped away. As soon as the huge man was gone, I launched myself out of my hiding place and landed on Luffy. Our tears mixed together and soaked into our shirts.

"Blue!"

"Who the Hell is this?"

Looking up, I came face to face with the largest, manliest woman I'd ever seen. She was even scarier than when my mom when she shouted at me. I squeaked quietly and hid behind Luffy. He grinned.

"This is Bluejay! She's my best friend!"

A boy- Ace- sitting on a dead boar sneered. Meanwhile, Dadan's face softened slightly.

"Garp gave me a girl too?"

I shook my head. Luffy looked sheepish.

"Not really. Gramps wanted to leave her behind. I'm glad he didn't though."

Poking Luffy, I shook my head and pointed to my scrapes. He frowned.

"You followed by yourself? Awesome! But Gramps'll be mad if he finds you."

I stuck my tongue out to show I didn't care. Ace looked like he was trying to hide that he was impressed. Dadan sighed and shook her head.

"Finally get a girl and it's a crazy tomboy. Fine, she can stay. What's one more at this point?"

Ace snorted and left. I buried my face in Luffy's shoulder and started shaking. The rubber boy frowned at Dadan.

"Don't call Blue crazy just cause she can't talk!"

Dadan sweat-dropped. "That ain't why. Anyways Bluejay, same rules for you as the other brats. One bowl of rice a day; you want more, you either hunt or work. And don't drag me into your brat problems."

I nodded. As long as I was with Luffy, it was fine. I needed him. Since getting lost here, he was the closest thing I had to family.

 **xXx**

The days that followed confused me. I would've been content to do chores for the bandits, but Luffy always ran off into the jungle. And of course, I followed. This meant that Luffy and I spent most of our mornings chasing after Ace.

Our afternoons were spent getting out of whatever trouble Ace dropped on our heads. He did _not_ like us.

Sometimes it was falling trees, forcing us to dodge and often get lost. Sometimes it was clouds of bees that stung and chased us. Once Ace even destroyed a bridge while we were crossing a canyon. If Luffy hadn't been made of rubber, he and I both would've died.

Every night, Luffy and I made our way back to the bandits' place and patched each other up. We brought dead snakes with us as often as not- Luffy was good at finding them, and I was good at bashing their heads with rocks. It turned out that Dadan knew quite a few ways to cook snake. She taught me some... Not that anyone but Luffy ever ate what I cooked. The one time Dogra tried, his face turned red as a tomato. I wondered why.

Every day, Luffy and I followed Ace further into the jungle. We became quite good at dodging without losing sight of him, and at navigating by the sun. Luffy worked out a technique called Gomu-Gomu no Rocket for slinging us across rivers and ravines.

I wasn't sure why Luffy wanted to know where Ace went so badly. Sadly, I couldn't ask. The lump of fear still clogged my throat.

Then one day we did it. We followed Ace to the end of his journey. True, we lost sight of him for an hour or so, but we found him again later. He'd acquired a sack of money somewhere in that time. Best yet, Ace hadn't noticed that we'd caught up. He was busy counting his money up in a tree, accompanied by a blond boy in a top hat. The blond had just conceded that Ace had more money than him when he noticed us.

"Hey Ace, are those the pests you told me about?"

"Crap!" Ace glowered at us, then looked at his companion. "Come on, help me get 'em!"

What happened next was pathetic. Luffy and I tried to fight back and escape, but to no avail. Luffy lost control of his powers and was nabbed by Ace, while the other boy grabbed me and held me up so I couldn't kick him. The older boys then turned Luffy's powers against us, tying us to a tree with rubber arms. Ace shot his friend a serious look.

"Sabo... We need to kill them."

"Agreed." Sabo pulled a knife from somewhere, then shoved it at Ace. "You do it. I've never killed someone before."

"What?! Me neither!"

"Wah! Don't kill Blue'n me!"

Footsteps came crunching through the forest. Ace and Sabo hid, leaving Luffy and I to face a group of scary men. The leader of the gang untied us and picked us up by our necks.

"You! Brats! Where's that little shit, Ace? He took our money!"

"Like I'd tell you!" Luffy shouted. "Ace is my friend! Although he tried to kill me just now..."

"Where did he hide our money brat?"

"No idea!" Luffy began to whistle and sweat unconvincingly. The man holding us shook him roughly, then looked at me.

"What about you? Where's the money?"

I shook my head. Luffy began to squirm angrily.

"Leave Blue alone! She can't talk!"

The man glowered at us. Luffy squeaked in fear. "Tell us now, brats, or we'll have to do this the hard way."

Neither of us spoke. The rough man cursed and shoved us in a filthy sack. We were carried a long way after that, bouncing painfully on the man's shoulders.

He opened the sack inside a dim, filthy shack that reeked of old socks. Heavy, fraying ropes bound Luffy and I so we couldn't fight back. Then the rough men- pirates- got to work.

They started on Luffy. It didn't take long for the pirates to notice that blunt force didn't really hurt him. So out came the spiked glove. The lead pirate- Porchemy- beat my rubber friend bloody. Luffy didn't say anything about Ace. Instead, the rubber boy kept whispering to me, telling me it was okay, that we'd get out somehow. I cried silently, wishing I could say something to make the pirates stop.

Eventually, Porchemy _did_ stop. Blood dripped quietly from his spiked glove. "You won't talk, eh? Well, let's see how long you can keep up the tough guy act when I start on your little girlfriend."

Pain. The spiked glove slammed into my shoulder. I tried to scream, but no sound came out. Tears poured down my face, blurring my vision. I curled in on myself. But though I expected more pain, none came.

Instead, I heard yelling and heavy thudding noises. A small blade slid through my bindings; a hand grabbed mine and dragged me along. I ran blindly. It took several minutes for me to realize that I was being pulled by Sabo.

After running for what seemed like ages, he stumbled to a stop in a clearing. Ace and Luffy were there ahead of us. The freckled boy was angrily berating my rubber friend.

"What were you thinking? Why didn't you just tell them what they wanted?"

"Ace wouldn't be my friend if I told!" Luffy was, if possible, crying even more than me. Ace looked furious.

"Why does it matter? You have Blue, don't you?"

"But no one else!" Luffy stared at the ground. "Blue'n me are all alone, and she can't even talk! Being lonely hurts way more than any punches or spikes!"

I froze. Luffy was lonely even with me around? Was it because I couldn't bring myself to speak? I was such a bad friend! I hadn't even noticed; I should've noticed. Fresh tears streamed down my face as I struggled with the lump in my throat.

Ace, meanwhile, looked cautiously hopeful. "Wait... It hurts when I'm not around?"

Luffy nodded. I grabbed my left wrist so tightly my fingernails cut into it. I hadn't meant to hurt him.

"And it's better when I'm here?"

Luffy nodded again.

"So... You want me to live?"

Bawling, Luffy nodded a third time. Ace looked like he was trying to hide a smile. Sabo wasn't bothering to hide his. Something very important was going on there; I didn't understand though.

What bothered me was Luffy crying. It was my fault he was lonely- if I hadn't been afraid to talk, he wouldn't have been hurt. Blood dripped from my wrist as I bowed low, the way Makino had showed me. My throat and face burned as the lump of fear shattered.

"I'm sorry!"

Silence filled the clearing. Luffy even stopped crying to stare at me in shock.

"Blue can talk?"

"I'm so sorry! If- if I was better, you wouldn't be hurt. I'll be better, I promise! Just... Don't leave me..."

Blood-slick rubber arms wrapped around me. "Shishishishi! Blue is a dummy! Just because I'm friends with Ace and Sabo doesn't mean I'm gonna leave Blue alone!"

Sabo looked at the rest of us. "Well, it seems you've all made excellent progress today. I, however, have a bit of a problem. Porchemy will be looking for us after this- he'll find my place in Grey Terminal."

"No problem!" Luffy declared. "Sabo can live with us, right Ace?"

Ace grunted. Apparently that meant yes, as Sabo joined us on our way home to the bandits. I clung to Luffy the whole way- the older boys still made me nervous. Sabo looked at me curiously.

"So... Blue, was it?"

"Bluejay. Luffy named me; I can't remember my old name."

"How old are you?"

"Four."

"And why couldn't you talk before?"

"I can't talk when I'm scared. I've been scared since I got lost and ended up with Luffy."

"You speak pretty well for a four year old."

"Mommy said I've always been this way. She was already teaching me to read."

"Do you miss her?"

I paused. "Kind of. Mommy could be scary sometimes too. I spent most of my time with Daddy." I frowned. "I had a little sister too, and a dog and a cat. Why can't I remember their names?"

"It's called retrograde amnesia." Sabo ruffled my hair. "You might remember someday. Is there anything you _do_ know?"

"Songs." I nodded to myself. "Daddy always sings Beatles and Stompin Tom and stuff, so I know lots of songs. And Dustin."

"Cool!" Luffy had apparently been listening. "That's so awesome! Every crew needs a musician!"

"Who's Dustin?" I flinched at Ace's voice. He sounded so grumpy!

"Dustin was like a big brother to me. When the other kids were mean to me, he made them go away." I sniffled. "I miss Dustin most. Is it just cause I remember him best?"

"Probably."

Luffy grinned. "Well, if Dusty's not here, I'll be your big brother!"

Ace's fist immediately met Luffy's head. "Idiot! You couldn't be a big brother if your life depended on it. A big brother wouldn't've let their sister get caught!"

"I'm only seven! When I'm as old as you I'll be able to protect Blue from everything!"

"Who says I'll need protecting?" I kicked Luffy in the shin, which did exactly nothing. "Who kills all the snakes for Dadan, eh?"

A three-way argument rose through the trees. We stopped walking, wounds forgotten. Somewhere in the background, Sabo's hand slapped against his forehead with a sigh.

"Gods of the sea, not three of them!"

 **A/N: Hi people! So yeah, I know that in some circles a self-insert is considered the lowest of the low. I couldn't help it; my friends constantly joke that I belong in the _One Piece_ world, so, yeah... In this fic, a portal to the _One Piece_ world opened on the day the manga was first published, and I ended up going through to Dawn Island by accident.**

 **I'm well aware that the way little Blue thinks and talks is a bit ahead of where most four-year-olds are. I've always had advanced language skills; my parents tell me I started talking at nine months old, and could pull off full, relatively complex sentences at one year. My reading level was grade twelve by the time I was eight.**

 **This will be a bit of an AU fix-it deal, like the time travel fics I love so much. So be prepared for gradual divergence from canon. And I'll never do a scene exactly the same as in the manga or anime, because that would be boring, even if my presence in the world wouldn't really change anything about the scene.**

 **And Dustin... I really did have a friend named Dustin when I was four. He wasn't like Luffy though- more like Ace. He was two years older than me and got annoyed when I followed him around all the time, but if anyone else bullied me he always chased them away. After a while he started to like me and let me hang out with him. Said he didn't mind, since I was smarter than the other kinder-gardeners. He moved away though, so I haven't seen him since.**


	2. ASLB

We didn't return to Dadan's until late that night. All the bandits were already asleep, but that didn't bother us. Luffy and I were well-versed in the location and use of the first-aid supplies. We patched each other up quickly.

The room Luffy, Ace, and I- and now Sabo- slept in was more than large enough for four, but there were only three blankets. I solved that easily enough. Tossing my blanket at Sabo, I curled up with Luffy. He was warm and soft and squishy- the perfect pillow.

It was a cool night, as far as the jungle went. None of us noticed- we were asleep, after all- but we unconsciously moved closer together as time passed. That was how I woke up with Luffy wrapped around me, Ace's arm draped across my face, and Sabo's feet on my stomach. I was the first one awake. I also couldn't move.

Light poured in as the door opened. Dadan stood there, staring at us. Counting us. Her eyes kept flicking back to Sabo. As if on cue the blond boy woke, blinked blearily at her, and covered his head with his blanket. I waved awkwardly from my place at the bottom of the pile.

"Morning Dandan!"

The large woman squeaked. She stared, frozen, for an indeterminate amount of time. All three boys had woken by the time she was capable of speech.

"Since when can brat number three talk? And when did we get a fourth?"

"Shishishi! This is Sabo! He's staying with us, okay? And Blue's my sister now!"

Dadan shook her head. "I don't get you brats, and I don't want to. Fine, he can stay. Same rules as the rest of you."

"Yay!" Luffy's arms stretched to wrap around the rest of us, a massive rubber hug. I found myself mashed between Ace and Sabo. The blond accepted the embrace, while Ace was turning red. With anger or embarrassment, I couldn't tell. I broke the rising tension by squirming.

"Luffy! You're squishing me!"

"Oops! Sorry!"

 **xXx**

Sabo was all too happy to finish teaching me to read and write. Lessons were held in the evening, by flickering lantern light. Ace and Luffy were interested at first, but soon decided there were other things they would rather be doing in the hours before bed. I couldn't understand that. Still don't- Luffy in particular has awful handwriting.

I began to look for books when we went scavenging in Grey Terminal. There weren't many. I did, however, find a large medical compendium. Not that any of us knew what all the words meant. Even Sabo could only understand the most basic symptoms.

In later years, Ace liked to blame late-night reading for my signature problems. Whenever he did so, I hit him over the head with the old medical tome.

 **xXx**

It was primarily Ace that taught Luffy and I how to fight. Of course, since he believed in learning on the job, it would always be left to Sabo to explain what we'd done wrong.

How to fall (or get thrown into a tree) without taking damage was the first lesson. It was also the most frequently repeated- any time Luffy or I sparred with the older boys, the matches generally ended with us being thrown into _something_. Luffy, being rubber, had a fairly easy time with this. I did not.

"That hurt!" I yelped after Ace had thrown me into a tree for the third time in an hour. My arms and legs were covered in scrapes; my back was a giant bruise. Tears stung my eyes as I struggled to get my breath back.

Ace snorted. "Suck it up, wimp. You have to learn somehow."

I growled, glaring. "What did you call me?"

"Wimp."

My enraged shriek echoed through the jungle. Sabo and Luffy stared as I launched myself at Ace. I totally forgot what little I knew about fighting in my anger. Instead of punches, Ace was forced to dodge sharp nails and tiny teeth. He met my glare with one of his own.

"Oi! What the Hell's your problem?"

"I'm not a wimp!" My nails tore across the left side of Ace's face, leaving four bloody lines. It was around then that Sabo and Luffy decided to restrain me.

"Shishishi! Blue's nuts!" Luffy crowed gleefully. Ace nodded.

"Maybe we should sic her on the old geezer next time he shows up."

Sabo whistled as he looked at Ace's wound. "That's pretty deep. You might get a scar there Ace."

I looked away, feeling guilty. "Not a wimp."

"Agreed." Sabo nodded. "You're not a wimp, just a midget with a bad temper."

Huffing, I turned to Luffy for support. He didn't notice. The rubber boy was admiring the wounds I'd left on Ace.

"Shishishi! Ace's gonna have the same scars as Shanks! So cool! Except Shanks only had three lines."

Distracted, my anger started to deflate. "Just means Ace's gonna be a third more badass." Part of learning to read with Sabo included learning math.

A fist slammed into my head. "Blue! No swearing!"

I glared at Ace again. "Why the Hell not? You'n Dadan talk like that all the time, and you never give a damn if Luffy curses!"

The next hand to hit me was Sabo's. "Luffy's not a young lady. We expect better from you."

Crossing my arms, I pouted. "Fickst du dich! Don't wanna! Ladies can't go on adventures!" I didn't know where those words came from. My dad maybe?

All three boys blinked at me. Ace looked askance at Sabo. "Did she just-?"

"Tell me to fuck myself in a North Blue dialect? Yes, yes she did."

Luffy cheered. "Yay! Blue's smart like Sabo!"

 **xXx**

A few weeks after Sabo joined us, Luffy convinced the rest of us to sneak down to Fuusha Village with him. Not that I needed much convincing. Even though the lump of fear was gone, I didn't feel comfortable with my rubber brother out of sight. And I wanted to see Makino again too.

The four of us raced down the mountain early in the morning, so we got to Fuusha just as _Party's Bar_ opened. Makino stared at us as we burst through her door.

"Makino!" Luffy vaulted onto his favourite stool. "Look! Blue'n me have friends now! Their names're Ace and Sabo. They saved us from a bad pirate- Pork-meat or something."

I climbed up beside Luffy; Ace and Sabo hesitated, but joined us. Makino smiled at them and set about making four of her special omelettes.

"A bad pirate, eh? Does this mean you've decided to join the marines like Garp-san wants?"

Luffy shook his head. "No way! I'm gonna be king of the pirates, like I told Shanks! And Blue's gonna come with me. She's smart like Sabo, so she can do all the math and reading and stuff."

"Just cause I'm smarter than you don't mean I like math! Do your own!" I slapped Luffy upside the head. Ace chuckled.

Makino looked surprised. "Little Bluejay can speak now? When did that happen?"

Luffy launched happily into the story of everything that had happened since Garp took him to Dadan's. Ace, Sabo, and I occasionally butted in to keep exaggerations to a minimum. We also had to eventually pin his hands down to avoid getting hit- an excited Luffy is worse than an angry kraken.

Makino just smiled the whole time. At least, until Luffy described the bandits' hideout. Then she frowned, and it was infinitely colder and more terrifying than anything I'd ever seen.

"So... You're saying that these are Ace and Sabo's only clothes, and this Dadan makes you hunt your own food?"

All of us nodded hesitantly. Even Ace looked scared out of his wits. Makino sighed.

"I can't do much about the hunting, but if you come down here every week, I can get you new clothes sometimes and make sure you get some good food. And I'll teach Bluejay to sew so she can mend things."

"Why me?"

"Cause you're the girl." Ace's smirk only lasted until I raised my hand, fingers curled into claws. The cuts on his face hadn't healed yet.

Makino patted me on the head. "Look at it this way Bluejay. If you and Luffy go off to sea, someone has to be able to mend the sails. You'll never get anywhere if they're full of holes."

 **xXx**

As it turned out, I liked sewing and knitting. When Ace tried to tease me about it though, I stabbed him in the arm with a knitting needle and threatened to knit a scarf out of his intestines. He backed off- and told Sabo to stop letting me read anatomy books.

Silly Ace. I learned anatomy from hunting every day.

Speaking of hunting, the hides of our prey were some of my favourite materials to play with. As far as I was concerned, after a couple of months I didn't need the clothes Makino gave us. My favourite outfit was the hooded onesie I'd made out of a tiger pelt. I'd even managed to re-attach the ears and tail.

Luffy seemed to like my experiments and wore anything I made him without protest. He said they were cool. Sabo would wear the less "out there" things I made, mostly just to be nice. Only Ace refused my creations outright.

That changed one day when we were hunting crocodiles. A particularly huge one swallowed Luffy whole. I saw red; Ace gripped his pipe so hard his knuckles turned white. If looks could kill, the croc would've exploded.

"Boots," Ace snapped. I blinked at him.

"Oro?"

"That croc- I need a new pair of boots."

"Understood."

Three pipes met the reptile's head in unison. It didn't stand a chance. Luffy popped out, slimy but unharmed, when Sabo cut the croc open. There was enough hide there for four pairs of boots.

 **xXx**

Luffy wasn't the only one to be caught by an animal, although it happened to him most frequently. He got swallowed by crocodiles at least once a week. This typically inspired protectiveness and exasperation from the rest of our group. When it came my turn to be caught, the story inspired laughter.

It happened at night. I woke up and went out to the outhouse, as I had any number of times. The tail of my tiger onesie brushed the ground as I walked. The outhouse wasn't far from the cabin- twenty of my tiny, four-year-old steps.

I was halfway back from the outhouse when something grabbed me by the scruff of my onesie. I was lifted like a kitten and carried, squirming, into the jungle. Tears burned my eyes.

"Ace! Sabo! Luffy! Help!"

After some time, I was deposited on the floor of a large den. My captor- a large tigress- curled around me and pinned me down. She started licking my onesie.

Terror made me freeze. I didn't want to be eaten! But the tigress didn't seem interested in that. She chuffed gently and rested her massive chin across my back.

For the next three days, the tigress brought me everywhere. She hunted for me and made me eat shredded, raw meat. At first the texture made me sick. I didn't mind the taste so much; I've always enjoyed the coppery sweetness of blood.

The tigress obviously thought I was her cub. I wondered if the pelt I'd sewn my onesie from had come from her real child. I didn't want to be a tiger cub though; I wanted my rubber brother and our older friends. And it was difficult- and terrifying- to find a time and place where the tigress couldn't see me so I could undo my onesie and... um... take care of business.

Sabo found me during one of those times. I'd just tied up my onesie when I saw him through the trees. Unfortunately the tigress caught up to me at the same time. She chuffed and headbutted me, picking me up before I could run after the blond boy.

The next morning, all three boys showed up while the tigress was licking me. They followed us secretly all day, until Luffy was able to grab me with his stretchy arm. He rocketed me into a tree; Sabo and Ace caught us before the recoil could send us flying.

Luffy wrapped himself around me. His eyes were red. "Blue was taken by a tiger! I was so worried!"

"At least she wasn't eaten," Ace snorted. I smiled weakly.

"No, she just thought I was her baby."

All three boys blinked. Luffy looked down at the tigress, who was sniffing through the undergrowth for me. "So... The tiger's your mommy now?"

"I- I guess?"

Luffy pouted. "Well, I'm your brother and I say you have to stay with me. Blue does fine without a mommy!"

Ace and Sabo laughed. Eventually Luffy did too. I pouted and tried to ignore them. That said, I couldn't pretend that being adopted by a tiger wasn't as funny as it was terrifying.

I continued to wear the onesie despite this experience. When I eventually outgrew it, I left the onesie in the jungle for the tigress to find and cuddle.

 **xXx**

As well as scavenging in Grey Terminal, we occasionally snuck into Edge Town. Sabo taught Luffy and I how to con people out of their money; Ace taught us to pick locks and pockets. Luffy was better at Sabo's lessons, and I at Ace's. After all, my rubber brother was the cute one. I was the one with nimble fingers and an eye for detail.

One day, after finding an old black cloak, we disguised ourselves and went to get ramen. The three boys stacked atop each other; Sabo was the head, since he could change his voice, Luffy was the arms because he could stretch his to the needed length, and Ace was the legs. I dressed up in a smaller cloak and pretended to be their daughter. Thanks to a locket Sabo had obtained somewhere, we were able to get a private room at the restaurant. We stayed there for over an hour, trying different flavours of ramen. Eventually though, the waitress saw that my "father" was three boys sitting on each other's shoulders.

Gulping down the last of our food, we ran, jumping out a window into the street below. As we sprinted out of town, a snooty voice called out in disbelief.

"Sabo?"

"Who's that?" Ace demanded, glancing at the fat man who'd spoken. Sabo tilted his head so his hat shadowed his eyes.

"No one. Come on; let's get out of here before the guards show up."

We did as he said, but we didn't let him off that easily. As soon as we were safe in the jungle, Ace, Luffy, and I cornered Sabo. He sighed.

"That was my _father_ ," he said finally, spitting the last word. "He's- I'm the son of a noble. I ran away because I hate the way they treat people- even each other. It's all rotten."

Sabo told the story of how his mother had turned against him when he fought with a child from another family. Luffy and I growled; Ace looked livid.

"You're not one of them," the eldest snapped. "You're not one of them and you never will be."

"Sabo belongs with us!" Luffy agreed. Rubber arms wrapped around everyone, squishing us together. Sabo, face mashed into the back of my head, smiled.

 **xXx**

Ace didn't tell me why I needed to distract Dadan. I didn't really care either; messing with out "caretaker" was fun. Less fun if she caught us, but such is life.

I arrived at our meeting place panting and sweating. Who knew filling Dadan's shoes with frog eggs would make her chase me for three hours? The boys smiled.

"Finally! I was starting to think she'd caught you." Ace placed a bottle of sake on the tree stump. Huh. So that was why he needed a distraction.

"Have a little faith in Blue, Ace. She's only four." Sabo contributed four cups to the stump- three red, one blue. All four were faded and chipped.

"What's this?" I gasped as I got my breath back. Ace pushed me to sit by the blue cup, with Luffy to my left and Sabo to my right.

"I've heard that if you share sake, you become brothers. Luffy already claimed you, so I understand if you don't want-"

"Of course I want! Three older brothers is better than one! No offense Luffy."

"What's offense? Can I eat it?"

The rest of us laughed. Then Ace poured the sake, and we all toasted and drank. It burned my throat so much I couldn't even taste it. Unless that was the taste? I coughed and gasped, eyes watering. Sabo clapped me on the back.

"You okay Sis?"

 _Sis_. That word brought up faint memories of the little sister I'd left behind. I could barely remember her face, and I had no name to place with it. Tears poured from my eyes as I smiled up at Sabo.

"I'm fine. I'm better than fine." Hugging my blond brother, I buried my face in his coat.

 **xXx**

After becoming siblings, we decided to build a "family home." This decision was mostly made so we'd have a place to avoid Gramps. Our tree house was specially designed so he wouldn't be able to enter. The collapsing floor panels were my idea. Sabo built the trip wire trap.

My first _real_ experience with Gramps was terrifying. Ace, Sabo, Luffy, and I were eating when it happened, talking loudly about pirates and the adventures we wanted to have someday. The bandits, as usual, ignored us unless we tried to sneak extra food from their plates.

Then the wall exploded.

A familiar large man in a brightly coloured shirt emerged from the dust. I couldn't understand what he was saying- my mind froze in fear. Something about marines?

Luffy and Ace dove out of the way. Sabo and I weren't fast enough. Large hands grabbed us by our collars, lifting us off the ground. Dark eyes stared at us in surprise. He'd been expecting two brunets, not a pair of blonds.

"Dadan! Where'd these brats come from?"

"Your brats brought 'em! I gave up tryin to keep 'em away. May as well be runnin a bloody orphanage."

Garp laughed. Transferring me to the hand that held Sabo, the old man grabbed Ace and Luffy in the other. "Bwahahahahahaha! Twice as many marines for me to train!" Garp squinted at me. "Eh? Is this Luffy's little girlfriend? How'd you get here?"

"Followed you. And I'm his sister- _not_ girlfriend."

Garp looked slightly impressed. "How old are you?"

"Four."

"Not bad. Never trained a girl before, but maybe I'll give it a try." Then Garp looked at Ace. "What happened to your face?"

"Blue." My oldest brother pointed at me. Garp snorted.

"Cute. A little tiger." The old man would never know why that made the four of us laugh.

What followed was three days of training from Hell. Gramps threw us down cliffs, made us fight crazy monkeys, and "sparred" with us. We each got the Fist of Love _at least_ once an hour. My head ached constantly.

Ace gave me permission to bite Garp; Luffy begged me to do it. I gave in eventually, but immediately regretted it. Biting Gramps earned me an extra-hard Fist of Love. He didn't even taste very good.

Once Garp had left, the four of us immediately started working on our tree house. Sabo designed most of it, with the rest of us fetching materials and supplies from Grey Terminal. I added trap ideas once Ace and Luffy assured us that no matter how well we hid the tree house, Garp would eventually find it.

The day we finally flew our flag from the lookout tower was glorious. Sunny and windy, the sky showed off out sign like a prized painting. Three letters- ASL- gleamed on a black flag with a blue jay flying around them.

"I'm gonna be king of the pirates!" Luffy declared loudly. Ace and Sabo laughed. When he demanded that we join his crew, the elder pair hit him.

"Like I'd join your crew!"

"Sorry Lu, but I can't acknowledge my little brother as my captain."

Luffy pouted and looked to me. I nodded. "I'll join Nii-chan's crew."

"Yay! I get Blue!"

 **xXx**

The next few months passed relatively peacefully. I say relatively because they still involved Ace, Sabo, Luffy, and I spending twenty-four/seven together, often in enclosed spaces. True peace cannot exist in such circumstances.

One night in late November, a terrific storm rolled in. Howling winds shook our tree house; lightning flashed and thunder roared. Our tree house didn't leak though. Sabo's roof was good.

Thunder like that, though, meant Luffy couldn't sleep. His whimpers woke the rest of us- kind of hard not to, when we slept in a pile like a basket of kittens. Sabo reached over to stroke Luffy's hair while Ace hugged the rubber boy tight.

A memory flashed through my head. It was my father after waking me form a nightmare, sitting me on the kitchen table and singing. It lasted only a second. I smiled. Happy songs from my old home- those would chase Luffy's fear away. I chose one that reminded me of the stories Luffy would tell about Shanks whenever we gave him the chance.

 _In the town where I was born_

 _Lived a man that sailed to sea_

 _And he told us of his life_

 _In the land of submarines..._

It worked. By the end of the song, Luffy's fear had been forgotten. He hummed sleepily into Ace's stomach for a few minutes before oblivion claimed him.

Unfortunately, while Sabo's roof was good, it wasn't perfect. We awoke in the wee hours of the morning to a huge chunk being blown off our tree house. Panicked, the boys and I raced around the area, salvaging and reinforcing what we could. It wasn't quite enough.

Once the storm abated, we headed into Grey Terminal to get stuff for repairs. Ace, Sabo, and I were also keeping an eye out for a telescope. Luffy had whined about wanting one for the last two weeks.

Ace was the first to notice we were surrounded. More than a dozen rough men appeared out of the junk, along with a vaguely familiar fat noble. Luffy and I clung to Ace when we recognized Porchemy among the men.

It was the noble who started speaking. "Sabo."

"Father."

"Sabo, cease this nonsense at once and come home."

"No! I hate it there!"

The noble- I couldn't think of him as Sabo's father- signalled the pirates. One of them shot Luffy in the shoulder. It bounced off, surprising all of us. Ace and I growled as Luffy yelped. The pirates drew their knives.

"If you don't come willingly Sabo, I'm afraid I'll have to ask Bluejam and his boys to _take out the trash_."

Sabo looked horrified. He glanced at the rest of us, then lowered his head in defeat. When he spoke again, it sounded like his heart was breaking.

"Al-alright. I'll come. Just please, don't hurt them..."

"What?!" Ace was enraged. "Sabo! Don't do this!"

"I have to!" Tears poured from Sabo's eyes. "You don't understand Ace... If I don't go, they'll kill you, all of you. Even- even if you won't think of yourself, think of Lu and Blue. I'm their big brother- I have to protect them."

Luffy and I clung to each other as the noble led Sabo away. Ace raged and cursed, striking futilely at the ground. The pirates sneered.

"Lucky brats, you're getting off with your lives. This time."

 **xXx**

The next days were a time that none of us were proud of. After leaving Grey Terminal, Ace became bitter. He tried to convince Luffy and I that Sabo would be happier this way, and that we didn't need him. We eventually bought it, because the alternative was even worse.

It was nearly a month before we could bring ourselves to go to Grey Terminal again. And even then, it was only absolute necessity that forced us there. All three of us had broken our pipe staves; we needed new weapons.

Our apprehension about going back was apparently well-founded. We'd barely been there an hour before Bluejam's pirates found us. They bullied and blackmailed us into helping them move cargo to seemingly random places all over Grey Terminal.

"What the Hell is all this crap?" Ace demanded as we placed the last crate. Bluejam grinned maliciously.

"Oil and gunpowder brats."

The fire began with a series of explosions. Once lit, it spread quickly. People ran screaming from the trash as their hovels burned. Meanwhile my brothers and I were surrounded by pirates.

They came at us with knives and pistols, too many to fight. Ace leapt in front of Luffy and I to protect us. Why he thought that would help, I couldn't tell.

"Leave them **_alone!_** " It was like being punched in the emotions. Ace's yell froze most of the pirates, sending them tumbling to the ground. Luffy and I were dazed and shocked. Only Bluejam was still moving.

As soon as the fight began, it became painfully obvious that Ace would lose. No matter how strong my big brother was, he was much smaller than Bluejam, less experienced and unarmed. The pirate's cutlass flashed towards his head.

It was blocked at the last second by a club. Dadan appeared from the flames, her men behind her. Our foster mother shouted orders as she engaged Bluejam.

"Men! Get the brats out of here! I'm not losing another one!"

"I'm not leaving!" Ace's voice rang out as Magra grabbed me. I didn't hear the rest of what he said, nor could I see what he was doing. Fear and smoke filled my eyes with tears.

Biting Magra, I forced him to drop me. I ran back to try and find Ace. But I couldn't see, could barely breathe. The fire soon separated me from both my remaining brothers.

At one point I stumbled and fell. A piece of hot steel jammed into the inner side of my right elbow, leaving a J-shaped burn. I barely noticed the pain over my fear. Fire and smoke danced around me, but otherwise, I was alone. There was no sign of Ace or Luffy.

I survived due to a stroke of luck. A rotten plank of wood broke beneath my feet, sending me tumbling into an old dugout. The fall hurt, but it was cooler and the air was clear. I huddled there for the rest of the night, singing softly to drive away the fear.

 _I'm Lester the lobster from PEI_

 _An ugly little bug with beady little eyes..._

 **xXx**

Once the fire was gone I searched for any sign of my brothers. Anyone with an ounce of common sense would've gone back to the jungle and checked Dadan's cabin. I've never had an ounce of common sense. Instead, I wandered listlessly around the charred ashes of Grey Terminal and the grey walls of Edge Town.

That was how I came to be on the cliff above the harbour when the ship carrying a Tenryuubito came in. I watched with fear and anger as they shot a tiny fishing boat trying to leave port. Then I realized that the little boat flew a black flag with a familiar blue S.

I've never been a strong swimmer, but this didn't occur to me as I scrambled down the cliff like a panicked spider. The salt water stung my burn. It also stung my eyes when I dove under to look for Sabo.

It took three dives to find him and all my strength to drag him to the base of the cliff. I pulled us out on a tiny ledge sheltered by protruding rock. Then I checked his breathing. Sabo was alive, but unconscious. His clothes were ruined and his arms- as well as the left half of his face- were laced with burns. I was lucky I was big for my age, and that Sabo wasn't. If not, I'd never have been able to pull him from the water.

Having Sabo there finally snapped me from my listlessness. Taking off the snakeskin belt I was wearing, I used it to tie my older brother to my back. Then I began the arduous task of dragging him back to Dadan's.

It took several days to get there; carrying Sabo was tiring. The moon shone high in the sky when I finally made it. As I approached the cabin I saw Ace tied to a tree. He was sleeping fitfully, twitching against the ropes. I ignored that in favour of knocking on the door. Dogra opened it. He froze when he saw Sabo and I, so I squeezed past him. Laying my brother on the floor, I grabbed the first-aid kit and started patching Sabo up as best I could. I fell asleep before I was done.

The next morning I was woken by a shriek of joy. Luffy rocketed onto me, wrapping himself around me in an ecstatic knot. Tears and snot soaked into my shirt.

"Blue's alive!"

"Shush! You'll wake Sabo!"

Luffy looked where I was pointing and started to cry even harder. His sobs woke the bandits, summoning Dadan to the main room. I barely noticed her limp and bandages as I resumed cleaning Sabo's burns. Brown eyes blinked in hazy confusion. Then Dadan poked me. Once she'd repeated the process on Sabo, she seemed convinced that we were real. Our foster mother tried to hide her tears as she roared for Magra and Dogra to bring Ace in. I glared up at her.

"Shush! You'll wake Sabo!"

Ace was kicking and screaming as he was dragged in, trying to bite Magra. I slapped him on the back of the head and fixed him with my glare. Pointing at out unconscious brother, I repeated myself for the third time.

"Shush! You'll wake Sabo!"

It was that that finally got it through people's heads. Everyone swarmed like bees, helping me patch Sabo up. We finished fairly quickly, after which Dadan insisted on checking my little burn. I didn't think it needed it, but she wouldn't hear "no." A few hours later, Sabo started to wake up.

"Huh? Ow..."

Luffy burst into renewed tears. I choked on a lump of emotion. Ace froze. Only Dadan was capable of speech.

"How're you feelin brat?"

"Who-? Where am I?" Blue eyes stared blankly around the room. Sabo didn't recognize us. Dadan placed a hand gently on his head.

"Relax brat. You've had a rough time these past few days. Prob'ly hit your head damn hard."

Sabo nodded. Then, "Who are you? Who am I?"

Ace finally unfroze. He looked- sad? I wasn't used to Ace looking sad. "Your name's Sabo. We're your family."

 **xXx**

It took a couple of months for Sabo to heal. His memory slowly came back as he spent time with us, being reminded of things. Ace, Luffy, and I decided that Sabo was never to be left alone. At least one of us was always with him.

I spent the most time with Sabo since I had the most patience for sitting still. We passed the time telling each other stories while I worked on making him new clothes to replace what he'd lost. A hat replacement was especially important; he looked weird without it.

One evening a shriek rent the air as I was finishing a story. Moments later Ace stumbled into the cabin, Luffy on his back. Our rubber brother was covered in blood. I jumped and ran to get the first-aid kit.

"What happened Ace-nii?"

Ace was panting, eyes wide with fear and guilt. "Luffy... scared... almost lost you'n Sabo... need... stronger... bear... stupid... let him fight alone..."

Dadan came to help patch Luffy up. I sighed, wondering how I'd become the unofficial doctor despite being the youngest. It didn't make sense! Conclusion: boys, at least the ones I knew, were idiots.

I looked Ace in the eye. "No more. We're never doing things alone again- _none_ of us."

"Agreed."

Sabo, and later Luffy, also bowed to that promise, as well as another. As long as we lived, none of us ever approached Goa Kingdom again.

 **xXx**

When I was eight, Sabo noticed that I'd started squinting at everything, and my fighting skills were suffering for it. He pointed this out in front of Ace and Luffy. The rubber boy immediately panicked.

"How bad is it? Is Blue gonna go blind? Can she still be a pirate if she's blind?"

I slapped my eleven-year-old brother upside the head. He had yet to grow taller than me, so it was still an easy target. Midget. "My eyes are fine Nii-chan. Sabo-nii's imagining things."

"I really don't think so Blue." Sabo tried to get close and examine my eyes. "You've been squinting for months, and you never laugh at Connect-the-Freckles anymore."

The three of us all glanced at Ace, who'd once again fallen asleep. He'd been doing that alarmingly regularly since he was twelve. I shrugged.

"It stopped being funny." Yes, the pictures we drew blurring into black blobs would do that.

"Blue, I think you need glasses. We should get your eyes checked in Fuusha Village."

I pulled away. "Leave it. I'm fine."

"Tiger-" The nickname had stuck on and off since the adoption incident.

"Leave me alone Sabo!" I turned and ran off, momentarily forgetting that we weren't supposed to go off alone. My brothers shouted protests behind me.

I couldn't navigate by the sun anymore, not with my eyes getting steadily worse. They had been fading for longer than Sabo had noticed. I couldn't even make out landmarks until I got close anymore. But admitting this would be admitting that I was weaker than my brothers (I was, to some extent, but that didn't mean I had to admit it!). I refused to be weak!

The next thing I knew, I had crossed a sand bar and ended up on a different island. Water rose swiftly as the tide came in. It would be some hours before I could get home. Sighing, I sat on a rock to wait.

Shuffling noises alerted me to the presence of another. A boy appeared around a clump of trees, looking lost and stubborn. He was around Ace and Sabo's age, with short, green hair. An eyebrow rose in my direction.

"You lost too?"

"No!" My face heated up. "The landmarks moved when I was running!"

Nodding as if that made perfect sense, the boy sat beside me. "They do that to me too. Why were you running?"

"Why do you care? Overgrown shrubbery..." No way was I telling this stranger my weakness.

"I'm not a shrubbery!"

I didn't respond. The boy ran a hand through his hair. Then he somehow looked into my heart. "There's someone you're hiding from, someone you think thinks you're weak. An older brother maybe?"

Hissing, I kicked the shrubbery. He just smirked at me.

"Hit the nail on the head, huh?" The shrubbery ruffled my hair. "You're not. Being a girl doesn't make you weak."

"It's not that." I gave in. The shrubbery was comforting somehow; talking to him soothed me. "My eyes- the last year or so, they've been going fuzzy. Sabo-nii noticed."

The shrubbery shrugged. "So? Some of the greatest legendary swordsmen were blind."

We sat in silence for the next several hours. When the tide fell again, I waved goodbye and ran back to Dawn Island, following the remains of my footprints in the mud. They were faint, but there. The shrubbery wandered off in a seemingly random direction. I wondered if I would ever see him again.

 **xXx**

All too soon, the time for Ace and Sabo's departure approached. It made me sad. Luffy and I would have to wait three more years, and only the promise never to be alone meant I wasn't waiting six.

We spent the three months between Ace and Sabo's birthdays helping them prepare for their voyage. Or, at least, we tried to. I was having a hard time. Just before Ace's birthday I'd acquired a cough that just wouldn't go away.

By mid-January, about a week before my own birthday, I was coughing so hard I was throwing up. I hid it from my brothers. Kicking dirt over yet another pile of puke, I emerged from behind a tree to help Luffy gather and dry fruit. He looked at me with concern.

"You okay Blue?"

"I'm fine Nii-chan."

The next day though, I couldn't hide it anymore. I had a coughing fit while rigging lines on Ace and Sabo's boat. Doubling over, I vomited over the side, into the sand. A warm hand rubber circles on my back.

"You're not fine." Luffy was uncharacteristically serious. "Ace! Sabo! Blue's sick!"

"We noticed," Ace said dryly. He picked me up. "Come on, let's get you home. The boat can wait a few days."

"I'm fine Ace-nii."

"Yeah, I'll believe that when Lu invents a flying ship."

Back at our (long since repaired) tree house, Sabo flipped through our old medical tome to see if he could figure out what was wrong with me. He occasionally hit Luffy with the giant book when the younger tried to cure me with meat.

"Acute bronchitis- although significantly worse than average," Sabo eventually declared, thumbing through lists of symptoms. "The books says it's common in people who smoke too much."

"Then how the Hell'd Blue get it? She doesn't smoke."

"From Dadan?" Luffy offered. I shook my head, but was ignored.

"If Dadan's smoking did this to Blue..." Ace let the threat hang with a sigh. "How do we treat it?"

"I can't understand that part. Keep her from coughing, I guess? Honey might help with that, if we have any."

It took until early February for my bronchitis to clear up. We celebrated by running down to Fuusha Village for a day to play tricks on Mayor Whoop Slap. It wasn't as fun as it should've been though. He was busy looking after his chicken-pox-ridden granddaughters.

Two days later, my skin was on fire and covered in clusters of red lumps. It was a disease typically seen in adults- shingles, a secondary form of the chicken pox virus. It hurt so much I couldn't sleep, could barely move. The biggest cluster burned on the back of my neck.

One night as I lay awake I heard Ace and Sabo whispering to each other. I don't think they know I heard them; I hurt too badly to join the usual kitten pile.

"We can't leave them Ace! Can you imagine what would've happened if we hadn't been here?"

"Blue's smart. She can look after both of them."

"She was trying to hide it. A million Beri says she would've managed to convince Lu she was fine and gotten him to ignore it. People die from bronchitis Ace! Not often, but it happens."

"I don't think Blue'd die from something like that." Ace's voice wavered uncertainly. "She'n Lu are stronger than they look."

"They're eleven and almost-fourteen!"

"Blue rescued you when she was four."

"Great, young, stubborn and reckless. She could've died doing that too, if what Dogra said was right!" Sabo sighed. "Ace, I can't. I can't leave them to look after themselves."

A heartbeat pause. "Me neither. So we wait until Lu's seventeen then?"

"Yeah."

"How'll we decide who's captain?"

"Once we get some crew members we'll let them decide. It- as long as we're together, does it even matter?"

"I guess not."

My shingles were gone by Sabo's seventeenth birthday, but they left their marks. As well as Ace and Sabo's decision, my illness had taught Luffy of all people to keep an eye on others. And, of course, there were the physical scars on my back and nerves. Shingles hurt, you see, because they attack the nervous system. Luffy thinks the shingles at some of my nerves, because for months afterwards I was clumsier than usual. Also, after having shingles, I stopped feeling most forms of pain. Somehow that just made Ace and Sabo worry more.

 **A/N: Yes, I really had both shingles and a bad case of bronchitis the winter I turned eleven. Worst three months of my life. So I decided to use them as a plot point. And as far as the pain thing goes, it may be jut because shingles hurts so much that nothing else really measures up.**


	3. Romance Dawn- Find Me a Shrubbery

**A/N: A reviewer pointed out on my last chapter that I used German curses incorrectly, so I feel I should post this note. This fic** ** _will_** **contain gratuitous French and German; however, it will be using the level of understanding I had when I was four, as mini-me hasn't had a chance to continue lessons stuck in the** ** _One Piece_** **world. They will be incorrect at times, the German especially. This is to maintain character, and has nothing to do with my current understanding of French or German grammar.**

Luffy's seventeenth birthday dawned loudly and rambunctiously, as did most days in the tree house. It was, however, the first time I could remember that Luffy was the first to wake. The rubber boy bounced on my stomach, heedless of the awkwardness of the position.

"Blue! Blue! Today's the day!"

"Alright, I'm up." I poked Ace in the ribs with my foot. He snorted. I poked harder, until the eldest was forced awake. His awkward flail woke Sabo.

"Gah! Ace, get your elbow out of my face!"

"Then get your feet off my stomach!"

"I can't. Blue's on my legs."

"Don't blame me. Nii-chan's sitting on my stomach."

Luffy giggled and moved, allowing the rest of us to untangle. "Come on! We need our first pirate breakfast!"

I yawned, stretching up. Much to Luffy's chagrin, I was still within an inch of him in height. Ace and Sabo towered over us now. "Okay. Whaddya want?"

"Anaconda pie!"

Nodding, I jumped out of the house to hunt down the required giant snake. Sabo joined me, pipe in hand. A look of disgust was fixed on his face. "We'll need a proper chef sooner than later."

"What's wrong with my cooking?" I pounced on an anaconda as I spoke. Sabo managed to get another wrapped around his pipe.

"Too much salt and spices. I love you Sis, but you're a non-taster. Only Ace and Lu like your cooking."

"Says the one who burned water."

"That was an-!"

"Burned. _Water_."

Once we had a few snakes, anaconda pie didn't take long to make. It wasn't _pie_ pie after all. It took an even shorter time to eat. With Luffy and Ace in the house, breakfast was always gone within five minutes. Packing didn't take long either. We'd been preparing for years by that point, and had stocked the ship the night before.

Not that it was much of a ship. The little dory was barely large enough for the four of us and a couple days' worth of food. Luffy had painted it gold in honour of one of the songs I liked to sing. He named it the _Moon Boat_.

We stopped at Dadan's cabin before we left. The bandits all looked like they were holding back tears- yet they also appeared oddly relieved. Magra and Dogra in particular looked like a weight was being lifted from their shoulders. Luffy waved.

"Shishishi! I still hate mountain bandits- but I like you guys!"

Dadan growled, the tears breaking through her iron will. "Come here brats!" The four of us immediately found ourselves squished to her chest. "You write, you hear? I wanna know the truth behind all the news stories you'll be gettin. Old Garp'll shit a brick."

"He'll do more than that," Ace promised. Dadan nodded.

"Good. I'd be embarrassed if my brats became law abidin pansies- or worse, marines. Now off with you. Have fun stormin the castle."

We nodded in unison and raced down the mountain. Our _Moon Boat_ was moored in Fuusha Village. As we were casting off, Makino and Whoop Slap came to wave goodbye. The bartender looked teary, as if she was going to miss us; the mayor looked grumpy.

"You kids get yourselves to Shells Town and join up with the marines, understand? I won't have you giving this village a bad name!"

All four of us stuck out our tongues. "Nope! Pirates!"

Makino laughed. "I can't wait to see you in the papers. Look after each other, alright?"

Sabo smiled. "We always do. Goodbye Makino!"

"Bye!"

"Buh-bye!"

"Later!"

Ace shot me a look as we drifted away from shore. "What's with you? I've never heard anyone else use later instead of goodbye."

I sighed. "Goodbye's too permanent. After we almost lost Sabo..."

My oldest brother nodded. "If you say it, you're worried you'll never see them again."

"Something like that."

 **xXx**

Early in the afternoon, we almost got sucked into a whirlpool. It was my fault; I was on watch. Sabo saved us, wrenching the rudder to port and yelling for Ace and Luffy to row. I hung my head in shame. Over the years my eyesight had only grown worse. I was learning to compensate with my hearing, but it was a work in progress. It had been two years since I'd seen my brothers' faces as more than ovals of blurred colour. I couldn't see their eyes at all.

Once we were safe, three fists hit my head. I slammed into the floor of the boat with a groan.

"Blue needs glasses!" Luffy insisted, not for the first time in the last few years. Ace and Sabo hummed their agreement.

"They'd just get in the way when I fight!" My argument hadn't changed in ages.

"Idiot." Sabo poked me roughly with his pipe. "You don't have to wear them all the time, just when you're on watch."

"But-!"

"We're getting you glasses as soon as we can," Ace stated, "End of discussion. We should've done it years ago."

I pouted and crossed my arms. "Yeah, because a bunch of notorious pirates can just waltz into an optometrist's practice."

"We're not notorious yet; we'll manage."

Just then, Luffy started bouncing around excitedly. The boat rocked, nearly capsizing. "Ships off the starlord- starbeam- over there!"

The rest of us looked up. Two large, wood-coloured blurs rose from the water not far away. Even I was embarrassed to have missed them.

"What's going on?" I demanded irritably. There was a brief game of rock-paper-scissors between Ace and Sabo to decide who would act as my eyes. Ace lost.

"One's a butt-ugly, girly-ass pirate ship and the other's a big ol' civvy cruiser. The pirates are owning ass."

"Can we join in?" Luffy wanted to know.

"We have to," Sabo responded from beside the food crate. "If we don't, we won't have enough food to get to Shells Town. _Someone_ ate it all." A pipe shoved Luffy roughly in the ribs.

I grinned. "Raid the pirates?"

Three voices answered. "Raid the pirates."

It didn't take us long to reach the ships and join in the fray. Ace and Sabo jumped aboard, pipe and knives flashing. I clung to Luffy's back as he rocketed. Unlike our older brothers, we over-shot our landing, crashing through a portal of the cruiser instead of landing on the deck of the pirate ship. We landed on a pink blur that yelped on impact. Rolling to our feet, Luffy and I poked at the blur. It groaned and sat up. Then it shrieked.

"W-where did you two come from?"

"Shishishi! I'm Monkey D Luffy, future king of the pirates!"

"And I'm Bluejay. We're from Dawn Island."

The pink blur began to freak out. "King of the pirates? King of the pirates? Are you insane? Do you know what that means?"

"Of course I do. King of the pirates means king of the pirates, duh."

"The king of the pirates has wealth, fame, power- everything! You're after the One Piece! Do you know how many pirates want the same thing? Impossible! Impossible! Imp-!"

Annoyed, Luffy and I both hit the pink blur. He groaned. "What was that for?"

"Because I felt like it."

"You were hysterical."

Then Luffy removed his hat and spoke in his rarely-heard serious tone. It was moments like this that I could see the captain he might be someday- if our crew chose him, that is. "I know it'll be tough, but it's my dream. If I die trying, at least I tried, so I won't regret it. And I'm not doing it alone. I've got Blue'n Ace'n Sabo, and we're gonna find a few more."

I poked the pink blur experimentally."So... You're a bit of a wimp for a sailor. What're you doing here?"

The blur introduced himself as Coby, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "As for how I got here... It was a mistake. All I wanted was to go fishing, but I got on the wrong boat when I was leaving the harbour. Next thing I knew, I was the cabin boy on a pirate ship. They'll kill me if I try to leave, so..." He shook the whole time, looking around as if he expected his captors to appear at any second. Luffy laughed his ass off.

"Shishishi! You're such a wimp!"

"I know..." Coby sounded miserable. "But still- I've always wanted to- to be a marine. Do you think I could?"

Luffy and I both shuddered at the word marine. Memories of the fist of love ran through our heads. Before we could respond, two worried voices echoed through the ships. "Lu! Blue! Where'd you go?"

"Who's that?" Coby cowered. I grinned.

"Our big brothers."

A wall exploded under the force of a pipe and a fist, revealing Sabo and Ace. At the same moment a group of pirates burst through the door opposite. Silence reigned as the opposing groups stared each other down. Coby sweated and trembled under the tension.

One of the strange pirates broke the stalemate, charging us with a yell. A cutlass flashed towards Luffy. Steel met steel as Sabo blocked with his pipe. In the same instant, Ace darted forwards to hamstring the attacker with one of his knives. Two more pirates rushed to help their crew mate. One was knocked back instantly by a snapping rubber fist; the other received my knee in his groin. All three pirates dropped like stones.

Ace shook his head. "Dumb mooks."

"Mooks? Mooks?" Coby trembled so violently I could feel it through the floorboards. "Do you know who these guys are? They're the crew of Alvida, the-"

"The what?" Luffy prompted. Coby took a deep breath.

"The ugly hag who's been keeping me prisoner." His voice was pathetically quiet. He sobbed. "I'm never gonna be a marine at this rate, am I?"

Ace snorted. "Depends how much you want it, wimp. Lu, Blue, what're we missing here?"

I shrugged. "Not much. Coby wants to be a marine, but he's pathetic; got on the wrong boat and enslaved by Alvida."

Beside me, I could feel Sabo's temper rising. Words like _prisoner_ and _enslaved_ always riled him up. Before he could do anything though, another ball of tension exploded.

"I know I'm a wimp! I know I'm pathetic! But if I don't get out of here, I may as well be dead! I _will_ get out of here and become a marine! I'll fight for justice and capture Alvida myself!"

Crash! A giant club crashed through one of the undamaged walls. It was followed by a massive dumpling of a woman with a nasty, shrieky voice. She smelled faintly of fermented sheep. "Who're you gonna catch, punk?"

Coby meeped. The large woman scoffed. "Well, if these're bounty hunters, they sure ain't Roronoa Zoro. I'll give you one chance to redeem yourself. Who's the fairest woman on the seas?"

Sabo slung an arm around my shoulder and opened his mouth. I punched him in the stomach before he could speak. "Don't even think about it."

"Aw, but Blue! You're adorable!"

"Am not! I have acne scars and I look like a boy."

"Still cuter than that whale."

The pirate woman- Alvida- growled and swung her club at us. Luffy jumped in the way, earning a shriek from Coby. Ace chuckled. Tilting his straw hat back, Luffy beamed.

"That won't wo~rk!" he sang. Alvida's club bounced harmlessly off his rubber head.

"What are you?" Coby whispered in awe.

"Shishishi! I'm a rubber man!" Then Luffy's arm stretched back. "Gomu-Gomu no Pistol!"

Alvida flew out of the ship. Sabo laughed and cocked his pipe. "Hey Blue, want to show that whale what a _real_ lady can do?"

"I'm no lady!" But I grinned all the same, leaping onto the end of my older brother's pipe. Team maneuvers were always fun.

"Dragon's Tail!"

I jumped as the pipe swung, the combined momentum allowing me to overtake Alvida. A heavy palm strike redirected her down into the sea. "White Tiger Claw!"

Rubber snapped out to grab the back of my shirt. I crashed into Ace as I was rocketed back to the ship. My eldest brother pouted into my hair. "Leave some for me next time."

"There wasn't much there in the first place. Even if I hadn't launched Blue, Lu's punch would've finished the whale off."

"Can't wait til we get to the Grand Line," Ace grumbled.

We carefully made our way back to the _Moon Boat_ , gathering supplies on the way. Coby trailed behind. Just as we prepared to disembark, an explosion rocked the ships. Sabo jumped to check it out.

"Marines!" He fell back to the boat with a thud. The four of us flinched in unison, earning an odd look from Coby.

"Is it a shitty Gramps alert?"

"No, but we should still get out of here."

Luffy giggled at Coby. "Looks like your chance is here. Go join them!"

"I can't! Not now- they'd find out I served on a pirate ship! Are you insane?"

My brothers and I looked at each other, seriously considering the question. As one, we held up our left hands, fingers pinched together. "Little bit."

 **xXx**

Two days later we arrived at Shells town. By that point my head ached. Luffy had been pestering Coby non-stop about the bounty hunter Roronoa Zoro, who was apparently imprisoned by the marines. My rubber brother had already decided that he wanted the pirate hunter on our crew. Ace and Sabo had tried to talk him out of it, to no avail.

Coby was trying to mentally prepare himself as we walked through the streets. His nerves weren't helped by the townspeople. They freaked out when he mentioned Captain Morgan, as scared of the marine as they were of Zoro, if not more so. Ace, Sabo, and I ran after Luffy as he ran to the marine base, Coby panting behind us. The rubber boy climbed a wall up ahead.

"Hey! I think I see that Zoro guy!"

"Impossible!" Coby shrieked. He really seemed to like that word. "Roronoa Zoro's a demon! He'd be locked up somewhere in the depths of the base, not out in an open yard!"

The rest of us climbed up beside Luffy and looked where he was pointing. There in the yard was a man tied to a wooden cross. He was shorter and heavier than Ace and Sabo, but still much taller than Luffy and I. Even _my_ eyes could pick out the stains on his green and white clothes. A smell of sweat and human waste rose from him; he hadn't moved or bathed in days.

Coby meeped. "That- that's him! I'm sure of it! That glare- the green haramaki..."

A deep, gravelly voice was directed at us. "Hey kids! Get lost!"

We ignored him. Luffy looked like he was about to jump down into the yard, but he was stopped by a ladder that clattered up beside us. A little girl joined us on the wall. She held her finger to her lips. Before she could tumble into the yard, Ace held out a hand to stop her.

"You're too little. Even if the fall doesn't hurt you, you'll never get back up without a ladder."

"But I have to take these to Zoro-nii!" The girl held up a couple of rice balls.

Ace flinched. Nothing got to him like the Nii-san card. Before he could say anything though, Luffy took the rice balls and jumped into the yard. "I'll take them to Zoro for you. You just stay there, okay?"

My rubber brother marched up to the man on the cross. Shoving the rice balls in Zoro's face, Luffy beamed. "These are from that little girl, so eat up or you'll make her cry."

"Get lost idiot." Zoro's grumpy words were at odds with the loud growl from his stomach.

More people entered the yard, this time through a gate from the base. Two wore blue and white- marines- while one was garishly purple and orange. Ace and Sabo fingered their weapons.

The purple one had an annoying nasal voice. "Hey! Straw Hat! Don't you know this is a restricted area? Get out of here before I call my daddy on you!"

"Hmm... No! Zoro hasn't eaten his rice balls yet, and I still have to ask him to join our crew."

Zoro snorted. "What are you, some kind of wannabe pirate? No thanks. I'll never stoop that low."

"Aw... But you're a good guy! And you use swords, right? We need a swordsman."

I face-palmed. "And how exactly does Nii-chan know Zoro's a good guy?" Although I couldn't disagree. Something about the bounty hunter felt familiar and comforting. Sabo shrugged. Ace groaned.

"Stubborn-ass rubber-brain... We aren't leaving without a swordsman, are we?"

"I hope we can make enough room in the _Moon Boat_."

"Should be alright if we leave the marine wannabe here."

Coby gaped at us. "How can you accept this so easily? Your brother's trying to recruit a _pirate hunter_ to your _pirate_ crew!"

A blue haze settled over my brothers and I. "You _really_ don't know Luffy..."

"Stubborn idiot."

"There's no arguing with Nii-chan when he's like this."

As one, we got up and leapt down on the town side of the wall, bringing Coby and the little girl with us. The girl shot us a scared look. "Is he gonna be okay?"

"Lu's fine, for now at least." Sabo ruffled the girl's hair. "But he's negotiating, which could take a while. Is there anywhere in the vicinity we might be able to eat?"

The girl introduced herself as Rika and gave us directions to her mother's restaurant. We were in the process of deciding who to leave on Luffy-watch when the aforementioned rubber boy flew over the wall. A huge grin split his face. "Zoro said the rice balls were delicious!"

Rika looked amazed. "How'd you get Helmeppo to let you go so easy?"

"Huh? Hippo? You mean the purple wimp? I told him my name and he froze." Luffy looked at Ace. "Do you think he knows Gramps?"

"Who cares? Let's eat, then figure out how to get your damn swordsman."

On our way to the restaurant, Rika told us the story behind Zoro being tied up. Apparently he had killed the obnoxious purple blur's wolf to save her, then made a bet so the nasty boy would leave her and her mother alone. Sabo was livid by the end. His pipe creaked in his hands as he gripped it.

"I agree with Lu. Roronoa's a good man and I want him on the crew."

A thoughtful air came over Ace as we ate. Swallowing half a sandwich, my eldest brother turned to Coby. "Hey, marine wannabe, I've got a question for you."

"Huh? What? Why?"

Ace shrugged. "Think of it as a pirate checking what kind of opponent you'll be. Anyways, say one of the most notorious criminals in the world had a son. Does the kid deserve to live?"

Coby cocked his head in confusion. "Criminal? Do you mean like Dragon the Revolutionary?"

"Sure... Or maybe Gold Roger."

Sabo held his breath, which confused Luffy and I. What was with that question? It sounded loaded. Our oldest brother stared at the table, his hat shadowing his eyes. Sabo gulped down a sandwich, staring at Ace in confusion.

"Really Ace? You haven't asked that in years. Is something wrong?"

"Lu and Blue need to know now- especially Lu. The old geezer told me something important last time he visited. Besides, it's a good test for our little marine here."

Coby looked royally confused. "Um... Why wouldn't he? Just because he's Dragon or Roger's son doesn't mean _he's_ done anything."

Ace was momentarily stunned. Then he smiled wryly. "See if you can convince others of that when you're a marine then. Most people think we should never have been born. Even if we weren't pirates, the navy would hunt us down and kill us if they knew."

"Huh?"

Making sure no one was nearby, Ace lowered his voice to a whisper. "If you ever tell anyone what I'm about to say, I'll kill you, got it?" He waited for Coby to nod before continuing. "Luffy and I... We're those sons. Lu's father is Dragon; mine's Roger."

"I have a dad?!" Sabo hit Luffy to make him lower his voice. He did, with some difficulty; Nii-chan doesn't do quiet. "And Ace's dad was the pirate king? So cool! Why did you never tell us before?"

"Only you would think it's cool..." Ace grumbled. He glared at the table. Sabo frowned.

"Dragon is Luffy's father? That might explain why he was in Goa Kingdom the night of the fire." My blond brother looked at Coby out of the corner of his eye. "Hey, how about another one? If a noble decides to burn down the slums, killing anyone who can't run away, should the marines stand by and do nothing?"

Coby made a startled, angry noise, reminiscent of Luffy when someone stole his meat. "What? No!"

"Well, they do."

Luffy snickered. "Coby's a better marine than most marines, ne? Still a wimp though."

"Heh. Thanks." Coby looked like he wasn't so sure about his dream anymore. He rubbed the back of his head nervously. "If you don't mid me saying, you four aren't very pirate-y pirates. Too cute."

That prompted four simultaneous spit-takes and three outraged voices. "Cute?! No! Lu/Nii-chan's the cute one!"

Giggling, Coby shook his head. "Nope, all cute. Like this morning... 'Ace-nii, get off my back!' 'I can't! Sabo and Lu have my arms pinned!' 'Don't look at me, Lu wrapped himself around my legs!' You four are adorable."

I grumbled and punched Coby, knocking him to the floor. " _Pinkie_ doesn't get to talk about cute. You have the girly-est hair I've ever seen."

Just then, the purple blur from the marine base burst in. I don't think he saw us, if Luffy's earlier story about his reaction to the Monkey D name was true. Instead the bratty blur propped his feet up on a table and demanded free food. Then he started laughing about executing Zoro, and how the bounty hunter had been a fool to believe in their deal. The marine blurs with him shifted uncomfortably.

Red and blue blurs moved from our table. A rubbery snap and metallic thud filled the air. Luffy and Sabo had hit the nasty purple blur, sending him flying out the door. Ace and I stood too. My oldest brother yawned.

"Well Lu, let's go get your swordsman."

 **xXx**

Zoro growled when we jumped into the execution yard. "You idiots again? I told you five to get lost!"

 _Five?_ I looked behind me. Coby stood there, shifting awkwardly. Funny, I'd thought we'd left him at the restaurant.

"Change of plans," Ace snapped at the stubborn swordsman. "That jackass Helmeppo's gonna execute you tomorrow, so we're taking you with us today." A knife flashed, slicing Zoro free.

"But-"

"No buts. Lu, Blue- go find his sword."

Nodding, I grabbed onto Luffy's shoulders. My rubber brother stretched out his arms, preparing a rocket... And over-shot. Instead of flying through a window, we soared over the roof of the base. I caught a fantastic view of some marine blurs raising a statue as both Luffy and I grabbed at ropes. We caught, redirecting ourselves down to the roof and transferring some of our momentum to the statue.

It fell and shattered. Ignoring the angry and terrified marines, we ran inside. Luffy looked at me with concern.

"So, where'd you think the sword's gonna be?"

"How should I know? I've never been to a marine base before!"

We caught sight of Helmeppo at the same moment. He flinched and screamed as we grabbed him. "Where's Zoro's sword?"

"In- in my room!"

"And where's that?"

"Right there!"

Luffy shoved Helmeppo towards some rapidly approaching marine blurs while I busted down the door. The room was horrifically pink and frilly. I couldn't see anything that looked remotely like a sword.

"There! Right there!" Luffy shoved past me. "I wonder... Which one's Zoro's?"

"Take 'em all!" I snapped. I could here more marines pounding down the hallway. Luffy complied, rocketing us out the window. Our timing was perfect. Bullets that would've hit Ace, Sabo, Coby, and Zoro bounced off of Luffy instead. I grabbed the three katana from my brother and shoved them at the swordsman.

"Here! We couldn't tell which one was yours!"

"They're all mine. I use Santoryu." Okay, I would pretend I knew what that meant.

A particularly large and metallic marine blur began shouting at the others. "Idiots! If guns won't work, use your swords!"

Luffy jumped back as Sabo- and surprisingly, Zoro- surged forward. Steel clashed against steel. Zoro snorted; Sabo laughed. Several marines wet themselves.

"Alright," Zoro growled around the sword in his mouth, "I'm working with you idiots, so I guess I'm a pirate. But if any of you get in the way of my goal, you'll apologize with a sword in your guts."

Ace flinched as Luffy's Gomu-Gomu no Whip swept overhead, knocking marines flying. "Great. He's just like Blue."

The large marine roared, enraged by the easy defeat of his men. Ace met the giant axe with spinning knives, kicking the captain in the jaw with the same movement. Morgan flew backwards. Unfortunately he didn't stay down.

"How dare you brats? I'm the greatest; you have no right!" He glanced at the other marines, who were cowering back away from us. "You! All cowards refusing to engage these upstarts, shoot yourselves in the head!"

"Belay that!" Sabo swung his pipe in several arcs, knocking guns from marine hands. I couldn't believe most of them had been preparing to follow that order. Coby apparently shared my opinion; his giant glasses reflected horror. Ace glanced at Luffy.

"Lu! Ready the launch pad!"

"Shishishi! You've got it!"

Propelled by rubber, Ace slammed a second kick into Morgan, then pressed a knife to the captain's throat. "I'd stay down this time if I were you."

Morgan didn't hear. He was unconscious.

The sound of quaking knees alerted me to Coby's danger. Helmeppo had snuck up behind us and was drawing a gun on the pink boy. I snapped a hand out to intercept. "White Tiger Claw!"

Okay, I'd meant to hit Helmeppo's hand, not the gun. It didn't really make a difference though. The gun still flew away, snapping one of Helmeppo's fingers as it went. I grinned as he whimpered.

"You alright Coby?"

"Y-yeah. Thanks Bluejay-san."

Sabo caught Zoro as the swordsman collapsed. "Ugh... Food..."

"Shishishi! Silly Zoro! That's why you don't let people tie you up for weeks'n weeks."

We took Zoro back to Rika's mom's restaurant to get him something. The rest of us grabbed another bite as well. Once he was done eating, Zoro laughed and removed a black black blur from his head. Oh. It was a bandanna, not his hair. "Ah! That was great!"

I gasped and pointed at the green hair that was revealed. "It's the shrubbery!"

"What? Wait, you again? I'm not a shrubbery! What the _Hell_ is a shrubbery anyway?"

My brothers looked from me to Zoro. "Wait... You've met? When?"

"Remember when I ran off after you noticed my eyes were going bad?" Sabo nodded. "It was then. I got lost on a sand bar and met Shrubbery."

"It's Zoro! Zo-ro!" The swordsman sighed. "What kind of crew am I getting myself into?"

Ace smirked. "One of a kind."

"I figured. So, this's it so far? Who's the captain?"

"We haven't decided yet," Sabo explained. "Ace, Luffy, and I all want to be captain, so we're going to wait until the crew's a little larger and let people vote on it."

"That's... a surprisingly good idea."

"Shishishi! Of course it is! Sabo's the smart one!"

"And what does that make me?" I asked, elbowing Luffy in the ribs. He and Ace paled.

"The scary one. Lu's the cute one, I'm the tough one, Sabo's the smart one, and you're the scary one."

"I'm not scary!"

"You regularly threaten to knit things out of my intestines!"

Zoro grinned darkly. "Sounds like my kind of knitting. So, where's our ship?"

"There." Luffy pointed at the _Moon Boat_.

"What? That dinky little thing?"

"We'll get a bigger one someday," Luffy said defensively. "The _Moon Boat_ 's special though."

Before he could explain why, a number of marines entered the restaurant. They shifted uncomfortably as their new commander approached us; I got the impression that they _really_ didn't want to be there.

"You folks said you were pirates, right?"

"Yep! I'm gonna be king of the pirates!"

The commander cleared his throat. "Yes, well, I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave. We're grateful for what you did, so we won't report you, but we can't allow pirates to hang around right outside our base."

Around us the townspeople protested. Coby made indistinct sounds of rage. My brothers and I grinned and stood; Zoro copied us.

"It's alright." Sabo tipped his hat. "We understand."

As we headed out to the _Moon Boat_ , we heard the commander talking to Coby. "Aren't you with the pirates, Pinkie?"

"I-"

Luffy looked like he was about to do or say something both brilliant and dumb (my rubber brother was good at that). He turned back towards Coby, mouth open, only to be interrupted by the stammering boy. What Coby said made us all freeze in confusion.

"I- I always wanted to be a marine. It was my dream! But Captain Morgan... And Ace-san and Sabo-san made me think..." Coby took a deep breath to steady himself. "Sometimes- sometimes the law doesn't serve justice. The law can be _wrong_. I think sometimes, you have to go outside authority to do what's right. I- I'm not saying all pirates are good, but these guys are. If they'll have me, I'll proudly call myself their crew mate!"

Luffy whimpered. "But Coby, your dream..."

"Better to be a good pirate than a bad marine. Not that all marines are bad either!" Coby ran and hid behind Ace before the marines could take offense. "It's just, the law... A good pirate can serve true justice."

"Are you sure?" Ace demanded. "Our boat's small; we don't have room for people with weak resolve. Especially since you're a wimp as is."

Coby nodded firmly. "I can do it. If- if someone wouldn't mind training me though, that would be great. I'll work hard, I promise!"

Ace nodded. Sabo took his hat off and ran a hand through his hair. "Six people in a four person boat... We're not going to have much room for food _at all_. Talk about a logistical nightmare; we'd better get a proper ship soon."

"Shishishi! We'll manage!" Luffy wrapped his arms around the entire crew and rocketed us all into the _Moon Boat_. He danced around as we cast off, nearly falling overboard. "Blue! Blue! Tell Zoro'n Coby why the _Moon Boat_ 's special!"

I grinned. "Alright nii-chan. It's a good song to begin our journey for real anyways." I started to sing as we bounced across the waves.

 _You might think it's goofy_

 _But the man in the moon is a Newfie_

 _And he's sailing on to glory_

 _Away in the golden dory..._


	4. Red Nose Buggy's Flying Circus

**A/N:** **I should warn you that these quick updates won't continue forever. I had a few chapters already done before I started posting. I just finished writing the Baratie chapter; I've got plans for up to Sabaody so far.**

"We can't keep on like this," Sabo groaned. We were two days out from Shells Town, out of food and nearly out of fresh water. Each of us capable of swimming had already rescued Luffy at least three times. He kept trying to train Coby, only to rock the boat and fall overboard.

"I'm hungry," Luffy whined. Ace hit him on the head.

"Then you should've listened when Sabo told us to ration things."

"But I was hungry then too!"

"Hello Hungary, I'm Austria." Everyone was confused by my words, even me. I wondered if they were something from _before_. It almost sounded like a dad joke. Sighing, I flopped down beside Zoro, rocking the boat. Our swordsman opened one eye to look at me.

" _He's_ the one who wants to be king of the pirates?"

"Yep. That's Nii-chan's dream, like how you wanna be the world's greatest swordsman."

Zoro nodded thoughtfully. "And what about the others?"

"Sabo-nii wants to be free and write a book about all our adventures. Ace-nii... He's never really told us, but if what he said about him and Nii-chan is true, I think he wants to get out from his father's shadow."

Coby dropped on my other side as my brothers argued about food and supplies. "What about you?"

"Oro?"

"Well, dreams seem so important to you guys. I just wondered what yours is, Bluejay-san."

"I dunno."

"You don't know?" Zoro snorted in disbelief. "How can you not know what your own dream is?"

"When I was little- really little, before I met my brothers- almost all the other kids hated me. I'm happy enough not to be alone anymore. Plus adventures." I smirked, unconsciously channeling Ace.

"Whaddya mean, before you met your brothers?" Zoro frowned. "Aren't you the the youngest?"

"Yeah. I'm adopted though. None of us are blood related, far as we can tell."

Both Zoro and Coby looked at Ace and Luffy. My eldest brother had the younger in a headlock, mercilessly noogie-ing the rubber head. "Could've fooled us."

A sudden snore tore through the air, followed by a thud. Ace now lay asleep on Zoro's knees. Luffy wiggled out from under our oldest brother. The rubber boy beamed and began searching through his shorts. "Sabo! Blue! Markers!"

Zoro and Coby stared in amazement as three markers appeared. We traced constellations on our oldest brother's face while our crew mates watched.

"Won't- won't Ace-san be mad when he wakes up?"

I grinned. "Not if you don't tell him."

A bird squawked overhead. Luffy drooled. "Blue..."

"What?"

"Roast seagull?"

I looked where he was pointing (not that I could see anything). "Sure, if you can catch something, I'll cook it."

Grinning, Luffy grabbed the boom and prepared to rocket. Sabo jumped up in terror, shaking the boat. "Lu, no!"

He was too late. Luffy shot into the air, flying towards the bird. Seconds later a scream made its way down to us. The bird was apparently larger than Luffy had thought.

"Ace! Sabo! Blue! It's got me!"

"Idiot!" Sabo slapped me upside the head before diving for the oars. I growled.

"What did I do?"

"You're the one who told him to catch it!"

Luffy's scream woke Ace, who dove for the oars as well. With an overprotective brother at each oar, the _Moon Boat_ shot forwards at the speed of bad news. Coby clung to the side in terror. I wondered if we were moving fast enough to water-ski- then I wondered what water-skiing was and where I'd heard of it.

After a few minutes of bouncing across the water, we heard frantic voices off the port bow. "Oi! Slow down! Let us on!"

"Sorry, no room!" Zoro and I shoved the three clowns off when they tried to board. We barely had enough room even without Luffy; three big men like that would sink us.

We ploughed into the shore less than an hour later. The _Moon Boat_ was actually beached by the time Ace and Sabo stopped rowing. Everyone jumped out and looked in different directions.

"So," Zoro wondered, "How do we find Luffy?" His dark eyes scanned rows of nearly identical houses and streets.

An explosion shook the little fishing town. I jumped and spun towards the column of smoke. "Found him!"

Racing to the source of the noise, it wasn't long before we ran into trouble. Or at least clowns. Close enough. Said clowns were having a party, the main focus of which seemed to be a cannon and a cage. The clowns were cheering for a redheaded girl- new crew member, maybe?- to shoot the cannon at the cage.

The cage had Luffy in it.

"Look, an obvious distraction!" The clowns stared blankly at me as I pointed over their heads. Ace growled.

"Lu, you idiot. There's a ten centimeter gap between those bars and you're made of rubber. Escape already!"

"Oh yeah!" Luffy squished himself out of the cage with a snap and bounced over to us. Then he pointed at the redheaded girl. "Hey guys! This is Nami; she's gonna be our navigator."

"Don't decide that on your own!" Nami shrieked. "I told you, I hate pirates! No way I'll join your crew!"

"Aw! But the pirate king needs the best navigator on his ship!"

The clowns were still staring at us. Then their captain noticed our swordsman. "Hey! You're that flashy bastard, Zoro the Pirate Hunter!"

"Not anymore. I'm outta the bounty hunting business."

"But if I beat you flashily, my reputation will still get a huge jump."

Zoro's swords were out in a flash. He cut the head clown to pieces easily- too easily. And there was no smell of blood, nor any change in the clown's heartbeat. He was still alive.

"Sabo!" I didn't need to say anything else. My brother launched me with a Dragon's Tail, sending me flying towards Zoro. I landed on a hand that held a knife, forcing it to the ground just before it could stab our swordsman in the back. The clown yelped as he put himself back together.

"You little bitch!"

"Zoro, Ace, back off! He can't be hurt by blades!"

"We noticed," Ace said dryly.

An explosion rocked the area as the cannon- which had been forgotten about- fired. The cage Luffy had been in shattered. Some of the clowns were knocked out by the burst of debris. Coby screamed. The remaining clowns were furious. An emo creeper on a unicycle engaged Zoro in a sword duel; Ace found himself surrounded by triplet knife throwers. Coby slapped tentatively at a monkey that kept trying to bite him. Luffy was fighting the clown captain. Sabo and I tried to help, but our way was blocked by a man riding a giant lion.

It was so cute! I looked at Sabo with stars in my eyes. "Sabo-nii... Kitty!"

He sighed. "No, you can't keep it. The lion belongs to our enemy."

"But-"

"It'll sink the _Moon Boat_."

A massive paw swiped at us, forcing us to leap away. The lion's rider pulled out a whip at the same time. It snapped at my head, only to be blocked by Sabo's pipe. The whip wrapped around the pipe, allowing my brother to pull the rider off his mount.

Whilst Sabo took the rider, I targeted the lion. My fingers curled into claws and I snarled. The lion was taken aback. Launching myself at his face, I raked sharp fingernails over the lion's sensitive nose. I may have only been with the tigress for a few days, but she had never totally left me.

"White Tiger's Hunting Song!" I rained a barrage of kicks and palm strikes on the lion's eyes and nose. He tried to bite me, but was too slow. I jumped to the back of his head.

"Sorry kitty. White Tiger Claw!" My palm strike slammed the lion's face into the ground. I jumped off his head to add to his momentum, landing on the remains of Luffy's cage. The lion stood, swaying, a moment later and growled. I hissed back. Whimpering, the lion displayed his throat and rolled over in a display of submission.

Zoro's fight was also over. He saluted with one sword before settling against a building. I was on my way over to join him when I heard them: from three directions, three tearing noises. They were followed by three enraged voices.

 _ **"Don't touch the hat!"**_

Ace's opponents were suddenly down, unconscious and foaming at the mouth. I still wasn't sure how he did that. Ever since the fire in Grey Terminal, people who ticked off Ace tended to pass out. He'd never hit Sabo, Luffy, or I with it though.

The lion rider went down in a much more understandable manner. My blond brother ripped the fuzzy man's whip in half, then delivered a crushing overhand blow with his pipe. The lion rider's skull rang like a bell. "Heavenly Dragon's Descent!"

Luffy was having a harder time though. The lead clown's weird choppy powers made him hard to catch, especially after he split into dozens of pieces with a cry of "Bara-Bara Festival!" He'd also distracted Nii-chan with his backstory. Apparently the clown knew Shanks and had a grudge against him. Did Luffy's favourite pirate just go around making everyone eat Devil Fruits or something? It was starting to sound like it, though never on purpose. Maybe Shanks ate a fruit that made people around him eat fruits? But then how would he have saved Nii-chan...?

The clown pulled himself back together to launch a counterattack. Only, not everything came. He was just a head and pair of hands perched on top of his feet. I looked to the side and saw Nami holding a bundle of bound limbs. Luffy grinned.

"Shishishi! Thanks Nami!"

"No problem."

"Gomu-Gomu no Bazooka!" As soon as Nami released the bundle, Luffy snapped his hands forward and sent limbs and owner flying. The clown disappeared into the distance with a mystery twinkle.

I was immediately surrounded by my brothers, their hats shoved into my face. "Blue! Fix them!"

"Alright, gimme a minute." I sat down and got to work. Coby emerged victorious from his slap fight with the monkey. I was glad- it would be embarrassing to have a crew mate who lost to a pet. Nami packed up the clowns' treasure. She eyed the rest of us suspiciously as she worked.

"What're a little girl and a pink-haired wimp doing with a bunch of pirates?"

"They're my brothers. And I'm not little; I'm fourteen."

"Luffy-san and the others saved me, then Ace-san and Sabo-san showed me that sometimes you need to be outside the law to serve true justice. I wanted to be a marine before."

Nami looked at my brothers, sitting around me in an eager half-circle as I mended their hats. Then she looked at Zoro, relaxed and sleepy against a building. "You guys aren't very pirate-y pirates."

"I'm gonna be pirate king," Luffy said as I handed him back his treasure, freshly mended. "Then I'll be the freest man in the world! A crew of free dreamers in search of adventure- that's what pirates should be."

"You're an idealistic fool." Nami's hair shadowed her face. Ace snorted.

"Of course he is. We all are. Doesn't mean we're not right."

"Idiots." Nami chucked a box at Ace's head, but I heard fondness in her voice. There was something else there too. It was like she wanted to believe us, but couldn't.

The box broke on impact- Ace-nii has a hard head. Inside was a large, spiky fruit, coloured bright red and orange. Luffy jumped away from it.

"That's a Devil Fruit!"

"Really? Huh." Ace tossed the fruit up and down a few times. "It was in Clown-Face's treasure, eh? I wonder where he got it."

"I wonder what it does." Sabo eyed the fruit with interest.

Nami made a face. "You idiots can have it. I don't feel like being a hammer, thank you very much."

"Me neither," Zoro grunted.

Coby and I shook our heads, unwilling to take the risk for an unknown power. Luffy grinned at our older brothers. "It's all yours! Who's gonna eat it?"

Ace and Sabo looked at each other. "Rock, paper, scissors?"

"Rock, paper, scissors." They had to try twice, as the first time, Ace had a narcoleptic fit and met Sabo's rock with his face. In the end though, it was Ace-nii that won the fruit. It was probably better that way. Of all of us, Sabo was the strongest swimmer.

"Fuck! Nasty!" Ace turned green as he ate the fruit. I wondered if that was his power. If so, he could never tease Luffy about having lame abilities again.

"Do you feel any different?" Sabo wanted to know. "What power did you get?"

Ace shrugged. Luffy bounced around like a rubber ball. "Let's hit him with something and see what happens!"

"Idiot!" Ace slammed a fist into Luffy's head. The smell of burning rubber filled the air.

"Wah! Ace is on fire!"

"Ah! I'm on fire!"

Sabo and I immediately splashed a punch bowl over our brothers. It helped Luffy, but not Ace. Our oldest brother burst into flames again- his whole body this time. All four of us started screaming. Three of us were remembering the fire in Grey Terminal; the fourth saw a burning boat. Sabo, Luffy, and I clung to each other in fear. Ace was frozen.

It was Coby who saved us. He managed to find a bucket of seawater and splash it over Ace's head. Unlike the punch, the salt water held the flames at bay. Once Ace was normal again, everyone stared at us.

"What was that about?" Zoro wanted to know. Sabo flinched and touched the scars on his face.

"Let's just say we all have fire issues. As in, the almost dying kind of issues."

"That's too bad," Coby said, "Because it looks like Ace-san ate the Mera-Mera no Mi."

"Verdammt ficken sheisse!" I kicked the ground and glared at the remains of the box the fruit had been in. Ace flinched.

"Sorry guys. If I'd known..."

"No, it's okay." Sabo sighed. "Maybe- maybe it'll be a good thing. We need to get over this. Just make sure you learn to control it."

Nami shook her head at us. "You guys are weird. So strong, and yet..." She looked at us thoughtfully. "Alright. I'm not going to join you, but I'll sail with you for a little while. It looks like our immediate goals are in line, after all; we all want to go to the Grand Line."

Just then an old man appeared. He wore crude leather armour and trembled as he clutched a makeshift spear. He also looked very surprised to see us. "Who are you kids? What happened to the Buggy Pirates?"

"Shishishi! We kicked his ass!"

Sabo bowed. "Those clowns won't bother you anymore. If it's not too much to ask, might we resupply here? Our crew is out of food."

"you kids are pirates?"

"Yep! I'm gonna be king of the pirates!"

The old man grunted. "Never seen a polite pirate before. But yes, as long as you don't cause any trouble, you can resupply here."

So we did. The villagers came out of hiding and gave us some good deals on supplies. I heard the term "peace maines" thrown around a lot, but had no idea what it meant. We met a dog who guarded an old shop; the mayor explained his story to us. Apparently the dog's master had died, but the dog continued to protect the shop because he and his master had built it together. The shop was his treasure. Luffy smiled, but Nami was confused. The idea of treasure that wasn't money seemed foreign to her.

Our dory didn't have enough room for Nami, but that was okay. She had her own dingy to sail beside the _Moon Boat_. To avoid running out of food so quickly this time (and also to relieve crowding), we stored most of the supplies in Nami's boat.

"Did you want to come with me Blue?" the redhead asked as we set out. I stared at her in confusion.

"Oro? Why?"

"I just thought it would be nice. We could have some girl time; you could get some privacy from those _men_." Nami said men as if they were some kind of disease.

Ace, Sabo, and Luffy growled at the suggestion that I leave them, even if I would still be close. I shook my head. "No, I can't leave my brothers. You can have Coby if you want though; he's pretty girly."

Both Nami and Coby expressed displeasure at that idea. My brothers laughed at Coby's squeaky protests. Zoro smirked at Nami, leaning back against the side of the dory.

"Trust me, come morning you'll be glad you didn't take Blue on your boat."

"Huh? Why?"

The swordsman gestured at my brothers and I. "Because those four are the cutest damn thing outside of a basket of kittens."

A rock hit Zoro in the head (And where did Nami even get a rock?). "I don't wanna hear a muscle-headed idiot like you talk about cute things! It's just wrong!"

"Ow! Watch where you're throwing those!"

"I did. It went exactly where I wanted."

"Tch. Witch."

"We're not cute!" my brothers and I protested in unison. Ace's head burst into flame, prompting the rest of us to jump away. This made the boat rock, which ended with Luffy in the water and Sabo on rescue duty.

"Stop doing that!" I chucked Nami's rock at Ace. It went right through him, leaving a fire-y hole that filled in with a crackle. Damn, another brother immune to being hit.

"Sorry Blue." Ace rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. He spent the rest of the day learning meditation from Zoro. Hopefully it would help him control his new powers. I eventually joined them, mainly out of boredom. Sabo kept an eye on Luffy, who was teaching Coby to throw a proper punch. That monkey slap fight had been embarrassing. None of us noticed when we eventually drifted off.

When I awoke the next morning, it was to Nami giggling. I tried to glare at her, but I could barely move, pinned by rubber arms to Luffy's chest. Ace's leg was draped over my head while Sabo lay across my back. All four of us were heaped more or less on Zoro's lap. Coby joined Nami in her giggling.

"Gah!" Zoro woke up and tried to shove us off. He failed. With great effort, I raised my head to look at our swordsman. I grinned evilly.

"One of us! One of us!"

"Creepy midget. Wake your brothers up and get off of me."

"One of us! One of us!"

"Dammit! Ace! Sabo! Luffy! Wake up! Your sister's being creepy!"

Only Sabo reacted at all, mumbling sleepily into Ace's calf. "Hmm... Good li'l Blue... Assimilate the shrubbery..."


	5. The Cat and the Straw Hats

**A/N: To guest reviewer Charlotte- no, Blue isn't from the future. She's from the past, technically. She is me as if I was raised in the** ** _One Piece_** **world from the time I was four, which would've been right after Shanks gave Luffy his hat. Any future knowledge mini-me seems to have is simply her guessing and/or hearing something that no one else did.**

 **Also, I will be doing some of the movies and filler arcs in this fic, but not all of them. Only my favourites. Will it bother people though, if I throw in my own original filler arcs? Because every once in a while, if I was on watch with either Ace or Zoro, or if the two of them were on watch with each other, I think it makes perfect sense for us to end up off course for a little while.**

A few days after meeting Nami, we ventured briefly onto a jungle island with strange animals. My brothers later told me about a talking jack-in-the-box (who could apparently out-shrubbery Zoro) and a hill full of empty treasure chests. I didn't get to see any of it. Instead, as sson as we landed, Zoro and I went to refill our fresh water barrels. Finding a clean spring was no problem; it was getting back to the _Moon Boat_ that was an issue.

I couldn't see any landmarks, so I followed Zoro. Only it very quickly became clear that he didn't know how to get back either. Eventually we ended up on top of a large rock- which we hadn't actually climbed- hoping the vantage point would allow us to spot the boat.

"They moved the damn ship," Zoro growled. I sighed and kicked at the ground.

"Maybe my brothers are right- I should get glasses."

"Do whatever you want; they can't control you. Aren't they all about freedom anyway?"

"Only until it comes to their protective streaks. Nii-chan's not bad, but Sabo-nii and Ace-nii can be smothering sometimes. That's when Nii-chan and I hide and wait for them to calm down. Although they always find us if Nii-chan picks the hiding spot."

Zoro raised his eyebrows. "Really? I haven't seen either of them act like that. Ace seems to spend all his time trying not to set the boat on fire lately."

I shuddered. "Please don't mention burning boats."

"Why?"

"Sabo-nii almost died in one when I was four. I had to rescue him. It's part of the reason we don't like to be apart for very long."

Nodding, Zoro patted my head. "Pretty brave four-year-old. You really love your brothers, don't you?"

"Yeah." I smiled, eyes closed, face up towards the sky. "I don't remember much from before Makino found me and introduced me to Luffy, but I do remember being lonely. Wherever I was before, I don't think I belonged there. Also," I opened one eye and glanced at Zoro, "Keep your hands to yourself Shrubbery. If I don't kick your liver through your spine, Ace-nii will."

Our swordsman smirked. "I'll take my chances."

Sabo eventually found us still on that boulder, water and all. Zoro had me under one arm, trapping me in a noogie that would've made Ace proud. I was unable to hit him from that position. Sabo laughed his ass off before leading us back to the boat.

 **xXx**

After leaving the island of weird animals we came to Syrup Village in the Gecko Islands. Our landing was met by the appearance of dozens of tiny waving flags. A quavery voice echoed from the cliffs.

"Begone pirates! Or I, the great Usopp-sama, will be forced to smite you with the might of my eight thousand men!"

Luffy's eyes morphed into stars. The rest of us weren't so impressed. Sabo hit our rubber brother over the head. "Don't be so gullible Lu. He couldn't fit eight thousand men on this little island."

"More like three." Ace smirked up at the cliff. On cue, three terrified voices squeaked and crashed away through the bushes.

"Crap! They figured it out!" A scrawny boy with curly hair and a nose long enough that even I could see it fell off the cliff. He landed on the sand with a soft thump. Leaping to his feet, the boy brandished a small weapon at us. "It doesn't matter! I won't let you hurt my home! You'd better leave now pirates; my slingshot is as powerful as a pistol!"

Luffy tilted his head so his hat shaded his eyes. It made him surprisingly intimidating. "Since you mentioned pistols... Bet your life on it."

"Huh?"

Ace, Sabo, and Zoro smirked and looked awesome. Nami just stood there; Coby tried not to show how nervous he was. I tried to look as intimidating as Zoro and my brothers (since I was supposed to be the scary one), but I don't know if it worked. Luffy continued his speech.

"A weapon isn't a toy. If you're going to draw a weapon on pirates, you should be prepared for action, not just threats. No mercy."

The long-nosed boy fell back. "Scary..." he whimpered.

"Shishishi!" Luffy raised his head, eternal grin plastered back on his face. "I know, right? Shanks taught me that. You're Yasopp's son, right?"

"Eh? Yeah. You met my dad?"

"Yep! He's Shanks' sniper; used to talk about you all the time. I thought my ears were gonna fall off!"

We tied up our boats and followed Usopp into town. As we walked, a blue pall came over my oldest brothers. Ace shot Sabo a sad look. "He's gonna recruit Usopp, isn't he?"

"Yeah." Sabo's shoulders slumped.

"If we don't start recruiting soon, he's gonna get all the captain votes."

"Definitely."

"Why does he have to be so damn charismatic?"

"Because he's Lu; he's just adorable that way."

"Dammit."

"Just be thankful Blue doesn't want to be captain. Zoro likes her, and she'd scare everyone else into following."

"Nah. We know by now here threats are just her telling us she loves us."

"Then why do you still freak out?"

"...Shut it, Mad Hatter."

Usopp made the mistake of buying us all lunch as he grilled Luffy about Yasopp. I winced in private sympathy for his wallet. Then, suddenly, the long-nosed boy stood.

"Excuse me. I just realized it's time for me to go. Enjoy your meal; I'll see you later!"

Even Coby just shrugged and returned to his food as Usopp dashed away. Awkward and erratic as it was, Luffy's training had started doing him some good. Of course, training like my brothers and I meant he was starting to eat like us too. The look on Coby's face when he realized just how hungry he was was priceless.

Three kids ran in not long after Usopp left. They demanded to know where their captain was, threatening us with wooden swords. It was kind of cute. Unfortunately for them, Zoro and I can have a bit of a morbid sense of humour at times.

"We ate him." The swordsman's grin was nightmare-inducing. I, meanwhile, patted Luffy's stretched-out belly. It certainly looked large enough to fit Usopp inside. Sabo saved Ace from drowning in his soup as a narcoleptic fit struck. My sleeping brother's nose turned into fire, crackling merrily at the terrified boys. Sabo, Luffy, and I fought back our own shudders of fear.

"You monsters!" The kids looked ready to wet themselves.

"Why are you looking at me?!" Nami's rage was the last straw. The three boys screamed in terror and ran. My crew mates and I looked at each other; Luffy snapped back to his normal shape and stood.

"Well, I'm gonna go to the big mansion and see if they'll sell us a ship. A really cool one!"

Sabo rose as well. "I'll come with you. Blue, keep an eye on Ace?"

"Sure Sabo-nii."

Most of the crew went with Sabo and Luffy; only Coby stayed with me and Ace. I crawled onto my oldest brother's lap, trying my hardest to ignore his flaming nose. Coby looked askance at me.

"You aren't going to have a nap, are you Bluejay-san?"

"Maybe," I yawned. "I'm bored enough."

"Then maybe we should get your eyes checked." A pair of droopy grey eyes stared down at me. I pouted up at my brother. Despite my expression though, I was delighted. I hadn't seen Ace's eyes properly in a while.

"Good morning Sleeping Beauty. You usually sleep longer; were you faking?"

"No. And don't change the subject. You _need_ glasses. Let's go find an optometrist before Luffy causes trouble and we have to leave." Ace picked me up over his shoulder before I could escape. I pounded futilely on his back, wishing his shirt wasn't in the way so I could claw him. He laughed. Coby trotted after us, curious.

"Bluejay-san needs glasses? Is that why Sabo-san hits her when she offers to take watch shifts?"

"Yeah. None of us are sure how bad it is- she won't tell us- but it's bad. I mean, she got lost with _Zoro_ on the last island."

Coby nodded in agreement. "That _is_ bad."

"Don't wanna hear it from you," I grumbled. "You wear glasses too."

"Hehe, true." Coby shut up sheepishly.

It didn't take long to find the village's optometry practice. Once inside Ace set me down, though he held onto my arm to keep me from running away. The optometrist appeared shortly. "Good afternoon. How can I help you?"

"My little sister needs glasses- has for at least six years. This is the first chance we've had to fix it."

I stomped on Ace's foot, but said nothing. The optometrist nodded and turned me to look at a fuzzy white screen covered in grey-black smudges. "Tell me what the lowest line you can read says."

"So... Those smudges are supposed to be letters...?" I really couldn't tell.

The optometrist gaped. "Really? Not even the top row?"

"All I see are some dark smudges."

"That bad?" Ace sounded like he was choking. "Blue, why didn't you tell us? You're practically blind!"

"You and Sabo-nii worry too much as it is. I didn't want to give you another reason."

Ace stared at me in silence for a few minutes. Then... "Is that why you didn't tell us you were sick a few years ago?"

I nodded. "You were supposed to be leaving... I didn't want you to start your journey worrying about me."

"Oh Blue..." Ace bent down to hug me, pressing our foreheads together. "Sabo and I are your big brothers. It's our _job_ to worry about you and Lu, to help you if you have problems. We'll still worry even when Lu becomes the fucking king of the pirates and we've beaten up every damn marine in the world. So tell us if something's wrong, okay?"

"No promises."

A fist slammed into my head. "You tell us or I'll let Sabo cook."

The optometrist cleared his throat. "Excuse me sir, but I'm not quite done examining your sister's eyes." He sounded terrified. Oh yeah, Ace used the P word in front of a civilian.

For the next half hour the man was uncomfortably close to my face. He shone lights in my eyes, made me look through various lenses, and asked uncomfortable questions. When he asked if my parents had worn glasses, it took me a long time to remember. I nodded.

"Yeah. Dad did."

Eventually I was presented with a pair of square-framed glasses that had lenses as thick as the bottom of a rum bottle. I put them on reluctantly. Then I froze. I couldn't remember ever having seen anything so sharp and clear, not even when I held things close to my face. For the first time in years I could see Ace's freckles properly, as well as the little flecks in his eyes that made the grey look silver from certain angles. I reached out to trace the scars I'd left on his face when we were little. It had been years since I saw those too.

"Better?" Ace smiled. I nodded.

"Better."

"Will you wear them all the time?"

I made a face. "Not in fights! The last thing I need is broken glass in my face!"

"Fair enough." Ace turned to the optometrist. "Thanks. How much do we owe you?"

The sum was lower than we'd expected. Something about how badly I'd needed the glasses, and how cute Ace's concern was. Letting slip that we were pirates may have done something as well. When we left, the optometrist gave me a lot of unnecessary warnings against things like opening my eyes under water and reading in the dark.

Coby giggled. "You two are so cute," he said under his breath. I still heard him. To his credit, when I hit him over the head, he only whined twice as much as Luffy would have.

We found the rest of the crew sitting on a fence outside of town. Usopp was with them, looking out of breath and depressed. Ace and I raised our eyebrows in a silent question.

"Evil pirate butler," Sabo explained. "The village is going to be attacked tomorrow, but thanks to Usopp's morning routine, the townspeople won't believe us if we warn them."

"Yay! Blue has glasses!" Luffy bounced over to me and snatched the lenses off my face. He peered through them for a moment before handing them back, eyes spinning. "Blue's eyes are so bad... I feel sick. Why didn't you tell us?"

"Never mind!" I snapped. Everyone else nodded.

"Focus Lu; we need to decide how to protect Usopp's village." Sabo's pipe curbed Luffy's enthusiasm. Violently.

"Where're they coming from?" I asked Usopp. He froze, then shrugged.

"I- I didn't hear. But they met on the south beach, so probably there?"

Shaking my head, I fought the urge to hit him. "We came from the north; they could too. We'll have to split up."

My brothers began to protest; I hit them all over the head. "It's not permanent! Whoever's at the right place will signal the others."

"How?"

I froze. Luckily Usopp stepped in. "What's everyone good at anyways?"

"Stretching."

"Smashing."

"Stabbing... And bursting into flame at random."

"Clawing."

"Cowering."

"Slicing."

"Stealing."

"Hiding," Usopp added himself, edging away. Zoro and Luffy reached out in unison to grab him.

"You're not going anywhere."

The logistics, naturally, became a problem for Sabo and I. It was a little complicated, what with all the pairs who couldn't be placed together. My brothers and I couldn't all be in one place- there had to be two of us at each beach. Coby and Usopp couldn't be together because Coby was still a wimp and they'd scare each other. Ace and Usopp couldn't be together because they were our signallers. Zoro couldn't be with me or Ace; Sabo and I couldn't be on the same team. We had oil and caltrops, but only enough to put one on each slope, so which path got which trap? How would we keep Ace awake? Would his fire even work for a signal? How far in advance would we be able to call for backup, given that Usopp had the only pair of binoculars?

My group- consisting of me, Ace-nii, Coby, and Nami- was stationed at the south beach. We decided not to bother setting Ace a watch shift. With our luck he would have a fit, topple over the edge of the cliff, and drown before we could get to him.

It was nearly an hour past dawn when a signal went up from the other side of the island. I sent Coby and Nami ahead immediately while I kicked Ace awake. Not that it was easy to do anymore, with my foot passing harmlessly though fire half of the time. I shuddered every time he went intangible. Eventually, though, I managed. We caught up to the other two shortly, dodging around trees as we crossed the island.

We skidded to the top of the northern cliffs to see Luffy and Sabo pounding mooks while Zoro fought a pair of mismatched cat brothers. Nami and Coby moved to guard Usopp while he sniped more mooks with eggs and pachinko balls. Ace and I ran down the path to the beach.

The slippery, oil covered path. So much for having Ace on the same slope as the caltrops.

Ace's feet turned into fire as he slid in the oil. This created a blanket of fire that covered the hillside, singeing Zoro and his opponents. Flames caught on me, on our swordsman, and even on the hem of Usopp's pants. I yelped and ran to Sabo and Luffy, rolling through a few mooks to put out the fire on my clothes.

Luffy took a break from punching random pirates to throw a rock at Ace. "Dummy! You almost burned Blue! Ace is even worse than I used to be!"

"Sorry!"

A creepy guy who threw chakram started swinging something back and forth. Ah, a hypnotist. No problem. Sabo covered his and Luffy's eyes; our crewmates were protected by the flickering firelight that broke up their view. I smirked and stared at the disco pirate. My glasses were in a case hanging from my belt.

"That only works on people who can see you."

"Little bitch!" The pirate started throwing chakram again. I ducked while Sabo batted them away with his pipe. Luffy caught one of the chakram in his teeth, breaking it in half. Usopp managed to shoot a few of them down.

"Django!" A voice rang out over the beach. "It's well past dawn! What's taking so long?"

"My apologies captain," replied the hypnotist. "These children have proved a bit of an obstacle."

"This is unacceptable." The newcomer must've been the evil butler. All I could see was slick blackness, like dusty coal, and the silvery sheen of the shiny finger-blades. Claws.

The butler vanished for a moment. Several of his crew mates were suddenly torn to shreds. Others began to panic about something called Nuki-Ashi. I growled. Luffy clenched his fists so hard his hands bled. The butler reappeared on the cat figurehead of the pirates' ship.

"You... How could you?! Not just trying to kill Usopp's friend, but this... They were your crew! Your family!"

"They're my pawns, boy, nothing more. And you and your friends will be following soon; I will not allow my plan to fail."

That threw my brother into a rage. He stopped thinking, instead launching a series of blind attacks. The butler dodged most easily. On the hill above us, Ace and Zoro knocked out the mismatched cat brothers. Not that the rest of us noticed until later.

Usopp's friend- a pale girl named Kaya- soon appeared, wrapped in a too-large sweater. She held a pistol in trembling hands. I could tell she wouldn't be able to use it. Not only did she not have the resolve, her wrists were too weak to deal with the recoil. Even if she could bring herself to shoot the man who'd pretended to care for her, she would miss.

The butler tried to kill Kaya, but slipped on one of Usopp's eggs and skidded back down to the rest of us. He ordered Jango after her when she fled into the trees. I stepped in the way before the hypnotist could take more than a couple of steps. Behind me, shaking knees announced Usopp's presence.

"I- I won't let you hurt Kaya!"

"White Tiger Claw!" My palm hit Jango in the face.

He spat a mouthful of blood. "Move it girl, or I'll cut you down too."

"I'm immune to your hypnotism."

"But not my blades!" Jango began to fling more chakram at me. Seriously, how many did he have? I dropped into a crouch; Usopp shot the weapons out of the air as they flew over my head.

"White Tiger's Roar!" I headbutted Jango in the stomach, my whole body behind the blow. He staggered back, doubling over, only to be pelted in the head by several of Usopp's pachinko balls.

"Your captain lost as soon as he pissed us off. It's too bad; I usually like cats."

"You little bitch!" Jango threw yet another chakram at my head. Usopp shot it down; I forced myself not to flinch as the projectiles collided. The blade still sliced a shallow cut along my left cheek.

"No. A bitch is a dog, Kitten. My mommy was a tigress." Curling my fingers into claws, I raked Jango across the face. His glasses snapped; blood welled up and dripped into his eyes. I grinned

Usopp added insult to injury with a tiny water balloon that splashed lemon juice on contact. I had to give him credit. The boy may have been a coward, but when defending his friend, he was downright cruel. Even if he did leave the front-line stuff to others. Our hypnotist opponent yelled in agony, groping blindly for his weapons. His pain triggered my hunting instinct.

"Red Tigress' Hunting Grounds!" Jango didn't get a chance to grab another chakram. I ripped quickly at his hands and face, turning them into raw pieces of bloody meat. I may not have been quite as strong or fast as my brothers, but some of my attacks had a fear factor that rubber and pipes (and even knives) lacked. Most people don't react well to having their skin torn off.

When Jango collapsed from fear and blood loss, I sat on him and put my glasses back on. Looking at Usopp, I noticed that the sniper was rather green and very shaky. Oh, he was going into shock. Distraction time. I smiled, non-menacingly this time (though the effect may have been spoiled by the blood on my fingers).

"Thanks for backing me up Usopp. You did a good job! I'm sure your dad would be proud; not just anyone can shoot weapons out of the air."

"Uh-huh..." He didn't say anything, but the colour started returning to his face. Although he wouldn't look at my hands. Ah well, mission accomplished.

Only Luffy was still fighting. It looked like Evil Cat Butler's speed was annoying him. Rubber fists smashed craters in the beach and cliffs, earning yelps of protest from our crew mates. Then Sabo smiled, sticking his pipe out at an odd angle. Seconds later, the butler tripped over Sabo-nii's weapon. Luffy was on him instantly; the butler didn't have a chance to escape. A Gomu-Gomu no Gattling followed by Gomu-Gomu no Bazooka made a butler-shaped hole in the ground.

Then Luffy punched Sabo in the gut. "Sabo! Don't interfere with my fights!"

"Sorry Lu. You were taking too long."

"My! Fight!"

"Okay, okay, I won't do it again, I promise."

Getting over his shock, Usopp whooped and began to dance around triumphantly. Kaya returned moments later, first-aid kit in hand. "Is anyone hurt?"

Zoro had a number of cuts and some rather nasty burns; Luffy was sliced up worse than he first appeared. I grabbed a bandage for my face while Kaya cleaned and stitched Nii-chan and his friend.

Coby looked from me to Django and shuddered. "It's called red tigress because of the blood, right?"

"Oro? Oh, yeah. My white tiger moves are blunt force; red tigress means nails and teeth."

Zoro grunted and sat beside us. He was already picking at his bandages. "So, where'd you guys train anyway?"

"Oro?"

"You and your brothers; I don't recognize your styles, but dragon and tiger based techniques are common in martial arts."

Sabo, Ace, and Luffy all burst out laughing. That earned Nii-chan a bop on the head from Kaya- she wasn't done stitching him up yet.

"No one trained us," Ace told Zoro. The ends of his hair lit on fire, making him look sparkly. "Not unless you count our shitty gramps."

"Our fighting styles are based on our past," Sabo explained. "A man named Dragon- who turned out to be Luffy's father- saved me once when I was beaten by city guards. Lu used to brag that his punch was as powerful as a pistol, so he uses weapon names. Our techniques are lame jokes as much as anything else."

Coby nodded, understanding. "What about Ace-san and Bluejay-san?"

Ace shot a teasing look my way. "Blue was kidnapped by a tigress once. It tried to raise her as its cub."

I stuck my tongue out. "And Ace-nii is boring and doesn't bother to name his techniques."

"What can I say? Unlike you three, I don't have any embarrassing stories or near-death experiences to joke about."

"You will soon _Glitter_ -nii."

An arm wrapped around my neck. Ace trapped me in a noogie, before promptly falling asleep. I squirmed and glared at Sabo. "Sabo-nii, get me out of here!"

"Sorry Blue, you're on your own." Sabo eyed Ace's hair-embers worriedly.

Once everyone was cleaned and patched up (and Ace had been kicked awake), Kaya took us back to her mansion. We were met by a worried, heavily bandaged butler named Merry who looked like a sheep. He began to cry and fuss over Kaya, thanking us for protecting her and the village.

Merry gave us a ship. It was adorable: a lateen-rig caravel with a ram figurehead. Our _Moon Boat_ fit comfortably on deck as a landing craft. The ship's name was the _Going Merry_.

Stocking the _Merry_ didn't take long. My brothers, Nami, Zoro, Coby, and I were almost ready to leave when Usopp and Kaya came to say goodbye. Usopp actually rolled into the sea, propelled by the weight of his giant backpack. Ace stopped him with a foot.

"Thank you!" The long-nosed boy looked like he was about to cry. He began to go on about inspirations and setting sail himself, becoming a brave warrior- to be frank, I stopped paying attention.

Zor was apparently as bored as I was. He shut Usopp up with a yawn. "Get on already." The swordsman gestured to the deck of the _Merry_ with one hand. His other hand picked at an exposed burn.

Usopp wasn't the only one who did as Zoro said. Kaya was up surprisingly quickly for such a frail girl, flicking our swordsman in the forehead. "Leave your bandages alone!" Zoro's burns were covered up again before anyone could blink. Kaya sighed.

"Merry-san, please pack my overnight bag. It looks like our friends are in need of someone with medical training on their crew."

"But Mistress Kaya! Your health!"

"Don't worry Merry-san; I'll be careful. And I'm sure our friends are more than capable of protecting me. Look after the house while I'm gone?"

"...Of course Miss. Please give me a minute to get your things. And _do_ be careful."

 **xXx**

We had been sailing the _Merry_ for two days when Sabo called everyone into the galley. Ace and I protested loudly- we were busy converting one of the storage holds into an extra cabin. The one time my brothers and I had slept in a pile on the floor of the guys' room, Usopp had freaked out.

"This is important," Sabo insisted, grabbing my ponytail and the back of Ace's shirt. "Besides, it will only take a few minutes."

Once everyone had gathered, Sabo placed his hat upside down on the table and ran a hand through his hair. "I think it's time. There's enough crew members now, and we need to make our flag soon or we'll never be taken seriously."

"Huh? What's he talking about?" Usopp was totally confused. Coby explained.

"Ace-san, Sabo-san, and Luffy-san all want to be captain, so we need to vote on it."

"And Blue doesn't get a vote," Ace added. "She'll just use it to try and bribe one of us."

"I would not!"

My protest was met with a flat look. "Blue, we've known you for ten years. Even _Lu_ knows better than to let you get a leg up on him. Besides, if there's an even number it could make things hard."

"Fine."

Two more hats joined Sabo's upside down on the table. My brothers left, while I handed out pens and papers from a pile Sabo left. Then I sat in a corner and watched as, one by one, our crew mates dropped their signatures. I giggled.

"Alright! Ace-nii! Sabo-nii! Nii-chan! You can come back!"

My brothers returned and checked their hats. A blue pall came over the oldest pair. Ace and Sabo came and crouched in my corner, picking dejectedly at the floor. An aura of depression pulsed around them.

"Not even a single vote..."

"Me neither..."

"Gods of the sea! You realize what this means, right? Lu's in charge."

"We're all gonna die."

I ignored their sulking as I looked to the rest of the crew. "Just out of curiosity, why the unanimous vote for Nii-chan?"

"I like his ambition."

"He inspires me to be brave."

"Ace can't control his fire yet, and Sabo's the most likely to interfere with other people's business."

"Luffy beat Kuro and saved our town!"

"Because of what Luffy-san said about Klaha- Kuro's treatment of his crew."

Sabo and Ace looked like they were going to stay in the corner indefinitely- possibly growing mushrooms. Fire crackled sadly in faux tear tracks on Ace's face. For once, Sabo didn't react to the proximity of open flames. I grinned.

"So Nii-chan, who's your first mate?"

"Hmm... Zoro!"

"Wait, what?" The Shrubbery fell off his chair in surprise. Luffy giggled.

"Yep!"

The pall of gloom over Ace and Sabo became even more intense.


	6. Restaurant at the End of the Sea

Usopp ended up painting our flag, due to Luffy's poor drawing skills and Ace setting the cloth on fire when he tried. That incident led to Sabo panicking and knocking Ace into the water. Zoro fished him out; despite Sabo being the best swimmer, it looked like the main duty of the Straw Hat first mate was going to be retrieval of Devil Fruit users. But at least now we had a decent sized ship, Luffy wouldn't go overboard every time he tried to train Coby anymore.

Our little marine wannabe was actually coming along quite nicely, probably due to Luffy training him the way Gramps trained us. Coby wasn't all that strong yet, but he was quickly becoming _very_ fast. And he practiced more than anyone else except Zoro. Not that the rest of us didn't work hard. My brothers and I sparred, two hundred matches a day. Kaya and Nami worked together with staves and small blades, though Kaya's health didn't allow her to train for long. Usopp fell in love with the _Merry_ 's cannon.

Everyone adjusted quickly to sailing together. After the first few days even Usopp didn't bat an eye if he found Ace asleep in the rigging, covered in tiny flames. Sabo and Zoro took to cleaning and comparing weapons on the stairs at all hours. Kaya's temptation to take den-den mushi pictures of my brothers and I cuddling also vanished quickly. Although Nami still had some from the times Zoro had unconsciously joined in. I think she meant to use them for blackmail.

Even with my new glasses no one trusted me alone on watch. Ironic, since Luffy left me in charge of the watch schedule. Whenever I was in the crow's nest someone would not-so-casually climb up and join me. Even Coby's eyes were better than mine.

On our fifth night out, it was apparently Nami's turn. I rolled my eyes as she climbed up the ladder. "Does everyone think I'm gonna drop my glasses or something?"

"No- Just Ace. Most of us do this to humour him." Nami sighed. "You guys really aren't what I expected when Luffy told me he was a pirate."

"What makes you say that?"

Nami bowed her head so her hair shadowed her eyes. "You're too nice. Everyone- Ace is so protective, Sabo's as crazy as the rest of you but still a gentleman, Luffy's too honest, you're a kid, Coby tries too hard, Zoro's so easygoing, Usopp's as clumsy and eager as a puppy, Kaya's the kindest person I've ever met... I've never heard of pirates acting like this. All my life I've hated pirates, but I can't stop liking you guys."

I shrugged. "Then don't try. I wouldn't call us good- we can cheat and steal with the best of 'em- but we're not in this to hurt people. Mostly we just wanna be free."

"Free..." Nami's voice was quiet. "That sounds nice."

"Is there something wrong?" I asked our navigator uncertainly. It was hard for me to tell- except for my brothers, I'm not the best at reading people.

"No, I'm alright. Just a little tired is all." Her smile was so forced even I knew it was fake.

 **xXx**

A week after we got the _Merry_ , we were forced to make two new rules: never let the captain touch the cannon, and never let the first mate take the helm. Both stemmed from the same incident. Luffy, eager to try anything once, had fired the cannon under Usopp's guidance, inadvertently shattering a nearby atoll. An angry shout was heard from the crumbling rocks.

It wasn't long before we had an angry bounty hunter on board, yelling at us for killing his friend. Sabo was about to knock the man out when the noise woke Zoro. The bounty hunter's eyes went wide at the sight of our first mate.

"Ne? Zoro-aniki? What're you doing with these pirates?" The bounty hunter's threats were abruptly forgotten.

"Eh? Johnny? Where's Yosaku?"

Johnny pointed at the atoll Luffy shot. "He's dying Aniki. Even before Straw Hat fired on us... I don't know what's wrong!"

Kaya looked up from the book she was reading. "Show us. I'm the crew's nurse; maybe I can help."

Ace was supposed to be minding the helm at the time, but narcolepsy had struck again. My oldest brother was passed out on the floor. A haiku was scrawled across his forehead, signed with Sabo's mark.

 _Men who always sleep_

 _On the ground are destined for_

 _Back pain and lame pranks_

Since Ace wasn't at his post, Zoro took it and tried to steer us towards the broken atoll. _Tried_. It took us three hours to traverse a five hundred meter distance as the _Merry_ zigzagged her way across the waves. The only reason we got there at all was that Nami got impatient and shoved Zoro away. Sabo took the helm instead.

It turned out that the second bounty hunter had scurvy- surprise, surprise. A few glasses of lemon juice and he was on the road to recovery. Coby nibbled his lower lip and looked at Luffy. "Um, Luffy-san, should we maybe get a chef on the crew? It would be bad if something like what happened to Yosaku-san cut our journey short."

"Nah, it's fine. Blue can cook and Kaya's a nurse; we'll be alright."

Pretty much everyone except Luffy, Ace, and Zoro paled. Usopp started shaking, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. "Actually Luffy, I'd feel better if we had a proper cook. Bluejay's food isn't good for my chronic can't-go-on-dangerous-islands disease."

Kaya giggled. "I have to agree. The salt content of what we've been eating lately is a little high to be healthy in the long term."

"Huh? What's wrong with Blue's cooking?"

"Do you and Ace not have taste buds?" Sabo demanded, bopping Luffy on the head. "Every time Blue cooks, it's either too salty or too spicy. The only reason I've put up with it so long is- as Blue is rather fond of reminding me- I managed to burn water last time I tried to cook. _We're getting a chef_!"

Zoro whistled. "Burned water eh? Screwing up that badly takes talent."

Clearing his throat, Johnny shot us a grateful look. "If it's a cook you're after, we're not far from the floating restaurant Baratie. You might find someone there. I'll guide you- think of it as thanks for saving Yosaku."

We accepted Johnny's offer. Sabo took the helm.

 **xXx**

As we arrived at the Baratie, we weren't the only ship on approach. A marine ship shadowed our _Merry_. My brothers and I squeaked and hid- Sabo in the crow's nest, the rest of us in the galley. Ace and Sabo held a whispered conversation via baby den-den mushi.

"Is it a shitty gramps alert?"

"I don't think so. The figurehead's different."

Coby- who was at the table bandaging training-bloodied knuckles- blinked at us. "That's the second time I've heard Ace-san ask that question. Is your grandfather a marine?"

Luffy, Ace, and I shuddered in unison. "Yeah. And when he finds out we've run off to be pirates, he's gonna be furious."

Sabo's voice came back over the baby den-den mushi. "We're safe. The ship belongs to some idiot named Fullbody."

We sighed with relief and made our way out on deck. Just in time too. Zoro had been negotiating with the marines- if you could call glaring while holding on to an irate Johnny and Yosaku negotiating. Said negotiations had, obviously, broken down. The marines fired on us.

"Gomu-Gomu no Balloon!" Luffy blew up like a balloon, stopping the cannonball with his stomach. A perfectly timed strike from Ace redirected it harmlessly out to sea instead of towards the nearby restaurant.

"We just wanna eat," my eldest brother said irritably. "Can't you leave us alone?"

"Never! Men, again! Keep firing until that pathetic little pirate ship is on the bottom of the sea!"

Sabo jumped down from the crow's nest. Luffy grinned at him. "Ne, Sabo, what's the plan?"

"Aren't you supposed to be the captain?"

"But you and Blue are the smart ones!"

I raised my hand. "I volunteer for the boarding party."

"Of course you do." Sabo rubbed his temples, but smiled, so he couldn't have been too bothered. "Ace, go with her. Yell if you need backup."

Nodding, Ace leapt up onto the marine ship. I used Luffy as a springboard to follow. Both of us wore wild grins that made the marines pause. A look at Ace as we started fighting made me laugh. "Ksesesesesese!"

"What's up Blue?"

"Your eyebrows are fire!" Though Ace still had next to no control over his powers, the rest of us were getting over our fear of them. He still worried about hurting us though. Ace raised a hand to feel, surprised. A sword passed through his waist while he was distracted. I shuddered. That part was still disturbing.

Between the two of us, the deck was soon covered in blood and unconscious marines. Very little of the blood belonged to either of us, but that didn't stop Ace from fussing. It was just a cut on my forearm, dammit! I slammed my palm through his face to calm him down.

"I'm fine Ace-nii. Come on, time to raid the corpses."

"I don't think it counts as raiding corpses if most of them are still alive."

"Who cares?"

The marine ship had depressingly little in the way of supplies. We still managed to get some food, as well as a few interesting nick-knacks. And, of course, there was the semi-conscious pirate in the brig. Ace passed him off to Kaya. "What do you think? Is he salvageable?"

Our nurse examined the captive. "It's mostly starvation and dehydration Ace-san. A few days of good food and water should fix him up nicely." So saying, Kaya coaxed the pirate to drink some lemon juice.

Luffy bounced over to poke the newcomer. "Hey! I'm Monkey D Luffy! What's your name?"

"Ghin." The voice that came out was harsh and raspy. "Thanks, but I should go. My crew's in almost as bad shape as I am. I've got to let the Don know where we are... Got to bring them here." Ghin looked like he could barely hold on to reality. Still, as soon as Kaya stepped away from him, he tried to stand up. Sabo placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Please, at least join us for a meal. An hour or so can hardly make a difference in getting back to your crew." Sabo's smile was the most polite, pleasant, frigid one I'd ever seen- a true nobleman's smile, with which there could be no argument. He'd kill me for saying that though. Such a smile was terrifying with my brother's scars.

"My thanks," Ghin rasped with a nod. Ace helped him to the Baratie deck after we anchored.

Once we were seated (with Johnny and Yosaku at a separate table), a blond man in a suit brought us menus. He smelled so strongly of smoke that my nose hurt; his one visible eye was topped by a curiously spiraling brow. Upon seeing Nami, his eye morphed into a beating heart.

"Oh my! A gorgeous red-headed goddess has lowered herself to grace this shitty restaurant! My lady, what misfortune brought a flower such as yourself into the company of such rough, moronic men?"

Zoro growled while Luffy picked his nose. Sabo's frigid noble smile made its return.

"Who're you calling a moron, Swirly-brow?"

"I resemble that remark."

"Waiter-san, I'll thank you not to refer to my brothers and crew mates in such a manner. Even if it _is_ generally true."

Ace elbowed me in the ribs. I looked up at him in surprise. "What's up Ace-nii?"

"Aren't you gonna correct him? He thinks you're a guy."

The thought hadn't crossed my mind- I really didn't care. But apparently Kaya did. She cleared her throat delicately, prompting a gush of apologies from the blond man. Once our nurse was appeased, the waiter turned to me.

"And who's this cutie? The little sister of the gentleman in the top hat?"

"Sabo-nii, Ace-nii, and Nii-chan are _all_ my brothers," I snapped. "And if you call me cutie again I'll kick your liver through your spine."

A low chuckle sounded from the stairs. "There's a brat after my own heart. Hey Eggplant! If you're not taking orders, get your scrawny ass back in the kitchen!" The speaker was an old chef with a peg leg and a ridiculously tall hat. I wondered how he'd managed to braid his mustache; it looked like it might be painful.

"Yeah, I know, I'm coming!" The waiter huffed. "Shitty geezer. Anyway, do you need a few minutes, or are you ready to order?"

"Meat!"

"I'll do fish and chips."

"The beef stroganoff please."

"Fish and chips for me too!" Cue a pipe tapping menacingly against my head. "...Please..."

"Um, I'll try the chicken parmesan please Waiter-san."

"Meh. Same as the captain, I guess." Zoro gestured to Luffy. "And a bottle of sake if you've got it."

"I'm not that hungry... Maybe the chicken a l'orange."

"Hmm, cheese tortellini sounds good. I'll try that."

"I'll have the seafood linguini please. And if it's not too much trouble, Ghin here needs something simple and light. We just... _liberated_ him from a marine ship, and he hasn't eaten properly in several days."

The blond man nodded. "I've got just the thing." As he headed back to the kitchen, he threw a glance at Coby and Sabo. "And I'm not a waiter, gents. Things got a bit rough a few days ago, so we're a little short-staffed at the moment. I'm the sous-chef."

As we waited for our food, Ace pulled out a pack of cards and began to play solitaire. The rest of us chattered about nothing in particular. Nami seemed a little tense. Ghin watched us in fascination.

"Thank you, again. I'm not sure what I would've done on my own; I owe you one."

Luffy snickered. "No problem. It's no fun being hungry."

"You're a decent man," Zoro grunted, nodding his agreement. "Loyal. I like it. Kinda wanna meet the captain who earned it."

Ghin flinched, then smiled. "Same. What turned the infamous Pirate Hunter Zoro into a pirate's hunting dog?"

Zoro shot Luffy a look. "I'm still trying to figure that out myself."

Our food arrived shortly. This began a competition that none of our crew mates had seen before as Ace, Sabo, Luffy, and I began to fight for food. We weren't as bad as we'd been as kids- not that that was saying much. It had mostly been lack of supplies that had kept us subdued on our journey so far. Luffy may have been a problem, but the rest of us understood the need for rationing... Most of the time.

Ace caught the stunned chef by the arm as he turned to leave. "Hey Spirals, keep it coming. Some of us eat a lot." Speaking with five potato wedges in his mouth was child's play for my big brother.

"It's Sanji," the chef muttered, pulling away. There was a smirk on his face as he left.

I elbowed Luffy's hand into the table as he tried to snatch some of my fish, though that left my potatoes open to assault by Sabo's fork. Ace plucked a piece of meat from Luffy just fast enough to avoid a rubber fist. The eldest was generally the best at defending his food, at least until we ganged up on him. Luffy and Sabo did so. I took advantage of their distraction to nab some of Sabo's pasta.

We left most of our crew mates alone on unspoken agreement. Someday they would be made to join our battle, but not yet. Although, after they made the mistake of asking Ace and I if they could try our fish, Zoro and Coby became fair game. Both realized this quickly. Zoro growled and swiped his knife through Ace's hand, leaving a harmless trail of fire when Ace-nii tried to raid the swordsman's plate. Coby managed to snatch a piece of my fish at the same moment I got some of his chicken. We grinned at each other.

Nami looked like she was going to be sick; Usopp looked terrified. Ghin, absorbed in his own meal, laughed.

"You kids are cute."

"I'm not a kid!" Luffy shouted through a mouthful of meat. "I'm gonna be king of the pirates!"

Ace fell asleep in his food with a thud. Ghin gaped. "A kid like you? Are you serious? Kid, I don't think you understand. The Grand Line- it's a graveyard full of monsters. You'll be chewed up and spat out like a chicken bone. That's what happened to my crew."

Luffy stared blankly at the older pirate- ironically, swallowing a chicken bone. Then... "I don't care if you think it's impossible, I'm gonna do it. Besides, I've heard some people call the Grand Line a paradise."

Ghin shrugged. "It's your funeral, I guess. All these guys must be crazy to follow you though."

"I take that as a compliment," Sabo said, eyes glimmering. "Sanity is overrated."

"Really?" Kaya looked surprised. "I was under the impression that you were the sane one, Sabo-san."

"There's a difference between being the polite, practical one and being sane. If it bothers you, we can always return you home."

"Oh no. You're right; insanity is _much_ more interesting."

Ghin left shortly after to go find his crew. The rest of us kept eating. At one point when Sanji returned with more plates, Luffy grabbed him by the arm. "This stuff's awesome! Who made it?"

"I did."

"Awesome! Sabo says we need a chef, so join our crew!"

"I refuse. Just shut up and eat your food."

"I refuse your refusal!"

Everyone else at the table groaned. We were well acquainted with Nii-chan's stubbornness. If Sanji wasn't giving in right away, we were in for a long couple of days.

 **xXx**

Luffy spent the next three days bugging the Hell out of the blond chef. He asked Sanji about his past, his dreams, and his attachment to the restaurant. Some questions were answered; most were not. The only thing the chef really seemed all that inclined to talk about with our crew was his dream of finding the All Blue, a sea where every fish in the world could be found. I was puzzled by this. If he had such a grand dream, why was Sanji so insistent on staying in a restaurant in the East Blue?

Nami grew slowly more fidgety as the days passed. She still claimed nothing was wrong though, so no one pushed it.

Between those two issues, it wasn't surprising that we Straw Hats were pretty distracted. We didn't notice the approaching galleon until other customers started screaming and fleeing. Although none of us could see what was so scary about that battered old hulk. It was barely floating. Strange gouges on the hull looked like it had been struck by a giant sword.

Ghin came down from the beaten ship, a larger man leaning on him for support. His captain, I assumed. Our friend's eyes were desperate. "Please- we need food for a hundred men! We have money!"

One of the cooks- Patty- began to freak out. "Are ya kidding me? No way! Not for Don Krieg! If we'd known ya were one of his, I'd have booted ya out the first time!"

Luffy and Ace shot the large newcomer and his floral shirt unimpressed looks. In perfect sync, they began mining the depths of their noses. "Who's Don Krieg?"

"Krieg means war," I offered with a shrug. Usopp started to shake.

"D-Don K-Krieg! He's f-famous!"

Johnny and Yosaku nodded. "His fleet's the largest ever seen in the East Blue. He started as a marine, then mutinied and raised his pirate flag. Sometimes he sails in under the white flag, pretending to need help, then raids whoever offers assistance."

Zoro growled. "Someone like that? That's sick. Ghin can do better."

Coby quailed, his already broken ideals of marine justice taking another hit. Ace steadied the pink-haired boy with a hand on his shoulder. "It doesn't matter what flag someone flies, Pinkie. A wimp's a wimp and a coward's a coward."

Clack. Clack. Clack. The sound of steel-toed dress shoes cut through protests from most of the chefs. Sanji appeared just as Don Krieg fell to his knees. The blond chef placed a plate of fried rice and a bottle of what looked like juice in front of the fallen pirate. "Here. I'll get to work on the food for your men."

The other chefs surrounded Sanji as he tried to make his way back to the kitchen. Some of them held giant cutlery as weapons.

"Are you crazy?"

"He'll kill us all!"

"Just leave him!"

Sanji huffed, hands in his pockets. "No. Get out of my way."

Patty looked furiously to the head chef. "Zeff! Do something!"

"A cook's job is to feed people. As long as I can cook, I won't let anyone in my sight go hungry!" Sanji's words had a weight, a history behind them that I recognized. It was the same as Ace or Sabo talking about family and freedom.

Chef Zeff nodded shocking the other cooks. Sanji headed off to the kitchen. Meanwhile Don Krieg took interest in the restaurant owner. "You're Red Leg Zeff. You sailed the Grand Line."

"That was a long time ago, brat."

"I need your logbook." Krieg stood, his meal finished. "My men and I were crushed after only a week on that sea. But I have the best armour, the best weapons... If I just had the right information, being king of the pirates would be a snap. Your logbook- give it to me."

Panic filled Ghin's eyes. "Don, no! You promised we were just here to feed the men!"

Zeff laughed. "It takes more than information to survive the Grand Line, brat. You're missing something even more crucial, though your man there might have it."

"Hey! You liar!" Luffy was fuming. "I'm the one who's gonna be king of the pirates!"

Krieg growled. "I'm the greatest! Me, not you. If I say I'll be king of the pirates, then I'll _take_ that log- and this ship. I need a new one, and no one will suspect this thing of being a pirate ship."

Luffy was halfway through a punch when the Baratie shook. He stumbled off course, into a wall. Coby staggered into me; I held us both up by grabbing a chair. The rest of our crew mates stumbled about as if drunk.

"What was that?"

Everyone- pirates and cooks alike- ran out on deck to see why the restaurant was rocking. What we saw was like a scene from a nightmare. Don Krieg's ragged galleon had been cut to pieces; his men struggled weakly in the water. In the center of the chaos was a man in a small, coffin-shaped boat. His golden eyes cut people's souls as his sword had cut the galleon. Krieg and Ghin panicked at the sight of him; Zoro looked manic.

"Impressive." Our swordsman was already tying his bandanna on his head. Crap. This was getting complicated.

The golden-eyed man shrugged. "Not really. I was simply trying to kill time."

"If you're bored, how 'bout a duel?"

An elegant eyebrow arched questioningly. "And why, pray tell, do you wish to challenge me? Assuming you know who I am, of course. Is it greed? A death wish?"

Zoro placed his white sword between his teeth. "An oath sworn on the memory of a dead rival." I _really_ wanted to know how he spoke with a katana in his mouth.

A wry smirk crossed the stranger's face. "Very well. Although, I wasn't expecting to be hunting rabbits today; forgive me if my choice of weapon is too great." He pulled a small dagger from his cross-shaped necklace.

Roaring, Zoro charged. I could see the hurt in his eyes; he hated that this man wasn't taking him seriously.

"Oni Giri!" Our swordsman's attack was stopped by the point of the tiny blade. Zoro's muscles strained, but his swords wouldn't move. They were pressed too tightly against each other.

"I will admit you have an interesting trick. A third sword would not occur to most. That said, your technique has a glaring weakness."

"Tora Gari!" Zoro managed to twist his blades free for another attack. The golden-eyed man dodged easily.

The rest of the duel was quick and bloody. Zoro couldn't land a hit on the stranger, and was instead covered in shallow slices. It seemed all he could do to avoid a fatal strike. Beside me, Luffy gripped the Baratie's rail so hard his knuckles turned white.

Two of Zoro's swords broke with a crash. Our swordsman panted, barely able to stand. The stranger's dagger was stuck lightly in Zoro's chest. The golden-eyed man raised an eyebrow in confusion. "If I press forward this blade will pierce your heard. Why do you not retreat?"

"I'm not sure what it is, but if I take even a single step back, there's something I'll regret forever."

"That is known as defeat." The stranger removed his dagger, allowing Zoro to stumble past. Our swordsman caught himself with a gasp, sheathing his remaining sword and turning to face the stranger.

"What are you doing, Rabbit?"

"Scars on the back are a swordsman's shame."

"I see." Sheathing his dagger, the stranger drew his massive black sword. "Then allow me to end this duel with honour- my apologies. I do not believe I even know your name."

"Roronoa Zoro."

Black steel flashed, followed by a spray of blood. Zoro collapsed into the sea. Johnny and Yosaku jumped in to retrieve him. Meanwhile Sabo had his work cut out for him keeping Luffy from attacking the golden-eyed swordsman. That said, the hawkish gaze settled on Nii-chan anyway. It was accompanied by a smirk.

"You- you're Roronoa's captain, are you not? Rest assured, I did not kill him. If he's strong enough, he'll live to challenge me again."

Luffy calmed down. "How'd you know? That I'm captain, I mean."

"The boy who bears that hat could be nothing less. Shanks tells me you wish to be king of the pirates- such a path is even more dangerous than that your swordsman follows. I look forward to seeing you in the New World, Monkey D Luffy." Waves of water and air followed the flash of a sword. The stranger was gone before Nii-chan could question him.

Of the rest of us, Usopp was the first to snap out of his daze. "Um, guys, where's the _Merry_?"

"Shit!" Ace looked around. "Where's Nami?"

Before we could begin freaking out, we were interrupted by Johnny and Yosaku dragging Zoro on deck. Our swordsman was dazed and bloody, but conscious. Kaya immediately began stitching him up.

"Sorry captain," Zoro rasped, wincing. "I lost. Looks like I've got some catching up to do."

"Shishishi! It's okay; as long as you're alive, you can keep trying, ne?"

"Right. And until I face him again... I won't lose another fight. That alright with you, king of the pirates?" Zoro was actually crying as he spoke. I was surprised; our swordsman seemed even less the type to cry than Ace-nii was. That fight must've really meant something to him.

"As touching as this is," Sabo drawled, spinning his pipe, "We have another problem. Our navigator took off with our ship. Any idea where she went?"

Yosaku held up a bounty poster for a fishman named Arlong. "Nami-ane kept looking at this yesterday. Maybe she went after him? His base is near Cocoyashi Village, not far from here."

"It's worth a try. Quick, let's find a boat."

"Stop ignoring me!" Don Krieg roared. He punched a hole in the wall of the Baratie. Most of his men flinched, still bobbing in the water. Ghin begged his captain just to take the food they needed and leave; Krieg backhanded him into the sea.

Luffy turned serious, his hat shading his eyes. "Ace, Blue, you stay here and deal with Don Liar-Pants. The rest of us will go after Nami."

"Oro? Why?"

Nii-chan sighed. "I just... It feels like Nami's in more danger, okay?"

Ace nodded. Luffy's instincts about such things were rarely wrong; he just didn't usually bother to avoid any danger he sensed. "Alright. We'll meet you in Cocoyashi then."

"Shishishi! Yep! And don't show up without our chef!"

"Understood... Captain." Ace smirked as he used Luffy's title for the first time.

Most of our crew, plus Johnny and Yosaku, hijacked an abandoned civilian boat and headed out. Ace and I stood between Krieg and the restaurant. The large man snorted at us.

"A couple of kids think they can take me? Don't make me laugh."

"We're not your average kids." Ace frowned. He signaled to me with a flick of his gaze. I nodded, lunging in low while my brother kicked high. Krieg jumped back to avoid us, landing on a floating bit of wreckage. Ace eyed the water nervously. I clasped his hand briefly.

"Don't worry Ace-nii. I'm not as good as Sabo-nii, but I can get you out if you fall in."

"Not used to worrying about that," Ace admitted.

Krieg snarled at us and fired wooden spears from somewhere beneath his floral shirt. Ace jumped over them; I ducked under. We charged the older pirate from opposite sides. Krieg blocked Ace's fist with a spiked cloak- luckily Ace-nii went intangible at the last moment. The spikes did nothing. I slammed my foot as hard as I could into Krieg's crotch. My bones instantly sang with pain. The Don laughed.

"See? You kids can't even scratch me through my Wootz steel armour!" Off came the floral shirt, revealing heavy plate mail. It gleamed like brass under the sun. Krieg evidently expected us to be impressed. Instead, he got a pair of shit-eating grins.

"Hey Blue, ever tried cooking lobster?"

"No, but I'm willing to try. Give me a cooking fire?"

"I'll try."

"Insolent brats!" Krieg pulled out a- bomb on a stick? Seriously, what was that supposed to be? I ducked under the blunt end as he swung it. The bomb-spear end passed through Ace, exploding from the heat and sending him flying backwards.

Ace slammed into an armoured man who'd been fighting Sanji. Huh- hadn't noticed that. The resulting burst of mixed orange and pink flames was pretty epic. So was the swift ass kicking delivered to the armoured pyro by the cook and the personification of fire.

A staff strike to the solar plexus reminded me to keep an eye on my own fight. I wheezed. Ace was at my side in an instant. "You okay Blue?"

"I'll manage." It took a couple seconds to get my breath back, but nothing I wasn't used to. Sabo did the same thing with his pipe all the time.

The bomb, however, was something I'd never faced before. It smashed down by my feet, the explosion sending me flying. I crashed into a fragment of mast. Burns bubbled up on my arms and legs. Ace flipped out, fire racing across his body.

" ** _Don't touch my sister!_** " I felt the familiar punch in the emotions. The pirates in the water- and most of the restaurant chefs- passed out, foaming at the mouth. Those in the water began to sink.

Don Krieg staggered, but remained upright. That didn't last long. Ace punched, hard enough to snap a tree, momentarily forgetting that he wasn't within striking distance. Although it turned out it didn't matter.

"Hiken!" A giant fist made of fire shot forwards to hit Krieg in the chest. The brassy armour began to melt.

"It's okay, I'm alright." I stood with a gasp, hoping to keep Ace from losing his head. It was a chronic problem of his, this temper, especially if Sabo, Luffy, or I were threatened. Brother complex.

"Good," Ace snarled, hat shadowing his eyes. "I'll only _mostly_ kill him then."

Don Krieg struggled out of his armour, panting. He looked almost as bad as Sabo had after the Tenryuubito had shot him. But apparently a grown man can take such punishment better than a child. The older pirate readied his bomb-stick for another attack. Stupid reach weapon; attacking us from far away like that was cheating.

Ace and I sprang forwards at the same moment. My brother's fists were on fire. He got to Krieg a few steps before I did, slamming the older pirate's head down- into my kick, as it were. There was a resounding crunch as the Don's nose broke.

Grabbing Krieg by the hair, Ace lifted the large man up. "You made a huge mistake, pulling that shit in front of me. _Never_ touch my family. Although, even if you hadn't, Lu's the only one I'll accept as king of the pirates." Ace threw Krieg out into the sea, blasting fire after him. It missed. Sighing, my older brother lay down on his back.

"Blue?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm hungry."

"Then let's go bug Sanji. We're supposed to make him join anyway."

"Carry me?"

"Are you serious?!"

"Please?"

"...Fine." I picked Ace up, piggyback style. It was awkward; he was so much taller than me that his feet dragged as I hopped back to the Baratie. "Why'd you wanna be carried anyway? That's usually Nii-chan."

Snore. Oh. He'd felt one of his fits coming on. At least he was getting better at predicting them... Sometimes.

Ghin and Sanji both looked surprisingly beat up when I arrived. The former had a set of weighted tonfa at his sides, flecked with a tiny bit of blood. Sanji's shoes had similar stains. I wondered if they'd fought. A broken gun and several dents in the _Baratie_ said yes, they probably had. Placing Ace on the deck, I stared dully at the tonfa wielder. "Seriously. How'd a guy like that earn your loyalty?"

"He was successful; I thought he was strong. It- I guess I made myself ignore _how_ he became successful." Ghin eyed Ace warily. "So... How did your brother take out the whole crew like that?"

"No clue. When people tick Ace-nii off, they end up unconscious."

"And he's not the captain?" Ghin shuddered. "What kind of monster is Straw Hat?"

"Nii-chan's not a monster!" I glared, tempted to kick Ghin in the face. The man's hands rose in surrender, stopping me.

"I didn't mean it like that. After all, people call me the Devil Man. I meant he must have some pretty monstrous strength."

"Never heard it put like that before," I admitted. "Although if you want to get technical, Nii-chan's a rubber man."

"And you're a little girl who can carry a grown man like it's almost nothing. Your whole family's made of monsters, isn't it?"

"I'm not little, I'm fourteen! And if we're monsters, what does that make Grandpa?" A shudder ran down my spine at the thought. If my brothers and I were monsters, Garp was so far beyond monster it wasn't even funny.

Ace snapped awake. "Shitty gramps alert?"

"No Ace-nii, we're safe."

"Oh good." His stomach gurgled loudly. Ace winced. "Damn, Devil Fruit powers use even more energy than normal fighting. No wonder Lu's always hungry."

"As if you ever had room to talk!"

"Hey, you and Sabo are just as bad!"

My stomach growled before I could retort, confirming Ace's words. As one, my brother and I turned and looked at the nearest chef. We both tried the puppy dog eyes, though neither of us were any good at them.

"Sanji... food?"

The cook sighed. "Yeah, yeah, just give me a minute to get my breath back."

"Oh, and join our crew." I poked Sanji as I spoke, making sure he couldn't ignore me.

"No. Sorry, but I owe the shitty geezer everything. I'm staying here."

"Didn't you tell Lu it was your dream to find the All Blue?" Ace drawled. Sanji shrugged.

"Yeah. What's it to you?"

"It'll be hard to find the All Blue staying in one place your whole life. I doubt your shitty geezer saved you for you to wither away in a restaurant."

"You have no idea what he sacrificed for me! No idea what I owe him!" Sanji jumped to his feet and kicked Ace in the ribs. Steel toed shoes passed harmlessly through fire. Ace yawned.

"Maybe I don't, but maybe I do." He turned to look at me. ""Hey Blue, do you stay with Lu, Sabo'n me because we saved you?"

I snorted. "Suggest that again and I'll knit a scarf from your guts, fire or no fire. Besides, I've saved Sabo-nii too, and we've all had to rescue Nii-chan _way_ too many times. I stay with you because you're my brothers."

"Good. I'd have hit you if you'd said yes."

"Between the shingles and Grandpa, I doubt I'd notice."

"Why you-!" Ace grinned and caught me with an arm around my neck, noogie-ing mercilessly. I squirmed, but was unable to escape.

"Don't do that to a lady!" Sanji tried and failed to kick Ace.

"Fickst du dich! I'm no lady!"

Sanji froze. "North Blue Deutsch? Haven't heard that on a while... Parlez-vous Francais aussi?"

Words... A fragment of memory floated to the surface. Dark hair and eyes praising me for being good with languages; a tiny blonde woman rattling off words like muffled music. Something from _before_. "Un- un peut. Ma tante était Quebecois."

That was apparently the wrong answer. Sanji glared at me. "Did my father send you?"

"Oro?"

Ace released me and returned Sanji's glare. "What the Hell Spirals? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Have either of you ever heard the name Vinsmoke?"

"Nope."

"Never. What is it?"

Sanji relaxed. "Never mind. It's not important."

"Of course it's important! Anything important to our crew mates is important to us."

"I'm not joining your damn crew!"

"Go with them Eggplant." A peg leg tapped across the deck, announcing Zeff's approach. Sanji stared at the old chef in confusion.

"No way shitty geezer. You're not getting rid of me until-!"

"You don't owe me anything," Zeff interrupted. "The fire brat's right- I didn't save you for you to waste away here for the rest of your life. I saved you because you have the same stupid dream as I did. These brats, little Straw Hat... They can help you find it."

"Are you kicking me out?" Sanji asked in disbelief. Zeff chuckled.

"I can do so literally if you'd prefer."

"Shitty geezer." Sanji slumped. Then he fell to his knees and bowed. "Thank you for everything, Chef Zeff!" The blond cook was crying. I wished I knew the backstory there. Sanji's display just made Zeff chuckle more.

"We'll call it even when you find the All Blue. So you'd better get there, Eggplant, for both our sakes."

 **xXx**

The cooks gave us a small boat to use and a few supplies to get us to Cocoyashi Village. Not that it was a hugely long trip- less than two days with a good wind. Still, by the time Ace, Sanji, and I were ready to leave, we were about a day behind the rest of our crew.

We were about to cast off when Ghin walked up to us. I felt bad for the guy; between recovering from starvation and Ace's weird emotion-punch, none of his crew were ready for duty. Most of them had even sworn of piracy ever again. Apparently Ace-nii was just a bit too traumatizing to face right after a swordsman from the Grand Line. Plus, their captain had his ass handed to him. Not that Krieg was much of a captain in the first place, at least, not a good one.

"Is there room for one more?"

Well, that was the last thing I would've expected. Ace and Sanji too; they both shot Ghin strange looks.

"Really? After I fried your captain?" Ace-nii's hair turned into flames, emphasizing his words. Ghin didn't even flinch.

"Unlike the rest of my crew, I can't just give up the sea." Ghin chuckled humourlessly. "I suppose that makes me a fool, after seeing who lives on it. And I think I'd like to try your way of doing things, rather than how the Don did. I have to admit, he wasn't always the most... _pleasant_ man to serve."

Ace laughed. "You'll fit in perfectly with us! Our crew's all fools, one way or another. They voted _Luffy_ captain, after all."

Ghin snorted and joined us in the little boat. I looked down at him from my position in the rigging. "So Ghin, what do you do?"

"Uh? Oh, tonfa... And tattoos, when I've got the equipment."


	7. Insert Jaws Theme Here

**A/N: For those people asking if Smoker and/or Bartolomeo would be joining in Loguetown... Sorry, no. Bartolomeo might be joining the expanded Straw Hats eventually, but not yet. I have a thing for him to do first. Similarly, I have reasons that Smoker needs to stay a marine for now. If he joins, it will be at Punk Hazard. I haven't decided yet. As of this moment though, Smokey has even more reason to dislike the Straw Hats than he did in the beginning in canon.**

"Hungry..." Ace and I groaned in unison. Ghin laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, it's almost done." It was our first lunch with Sanji as the official Straw Hat chef. I had to say it was a weight off my mind. Cooking for a pirate crew that included multiple bottomless pits wasn't something I'd _actually_ been looking forward to.

We were making good time towards Cocoyashi Village, with Ace navigating and Ghin at the helm. I was on watch, perched atop the little boat's mast. My glasses rubbed on my nose; I still wasn't used to wearing them. Actually, I wasn't used to trusting my eyes yet either. So though I was on watch, my eyes were closed, listening. Eventually I caught a strange rushing noise coming from the water.

My eyes snapped open. "Thingy off the port bow!"

"Thingy?" Ghin questioned. Ace laughed at his confused face.

"It's a technical term our crew uses. Means we're not sure what it is yet."

"Right... This whole crew's made of kids, isn't it?"

"Pretty much." Then Ace suddenly started sulking, a blue pall surrounding him. "Wait... You're older than me, aren't you? I'm not the oldest anymore."

Ghin sweatdropped. I laughed. Sanji finished cooking and handed out plates. "Blue-chan! Your food is ready!" The cook noodle-danced under the mast.

Ace growled. "Keep your pervy thoughts away from my sister Spirals. She's five years younger than you."

The strange rushing noise got louder before turning into a splash and roar. A massive cow with fins and fangs exploded from the water. I yelled down at my brother. "Ace-nii! Thingy!"

Giant eyes blinked at us. The cow thing looked hungry. Sanji offered it some of our food- until the cow tried to take his hand too. Then he kicked it in the face. "How dumb do you think I am? Overgrown surf'n turf."

I looked from the confused cow to my crew mates. It gave me an idea. "Ace-nii should use the cow thing for fire target practice. It looks like it might taste good."

Sanji pouted. "But Blue-chan, I just made lunch for you!"

"Ace-nii needs practice."

My oldest brother frowned in concentration, his eyebrows catching fire. He punched towards the cow, just as he had when fighting Don Krieg. "Hiken!"

A flaming fist shot out, brushing by the cow thing's ear. The creature roared fearfully, turning and swimming away. Ace grinned. By fleeing, the cow had triggered his hunting instinct. "Hiken! Hiken! Get back here dammit! We just wanna eat you! Hiken!"

The sea cow dodged each flaming fist, squealing in panic. It couldn't escape forever though. After several minutes of punching, Ace hit the cow in the back of the head, knocking it out. A few more fiery fists ensured that once we sailed alongside it, our surf'n turf would be pleasantly boiled.

I raised my eyebrows at Ace. "Hiken? Fire fist? Seriously Ace-nii? Don't you have an imagination?"

"Shut up!" Ace flushed and looked away. "I'm not used to naming my techniques, okay? It just feels weird to use my powers without saying anything."

When we pulled up beside the dead sea cow, Ace and I insisted on stopping to eat. Sanji was appalled. Whether that was because of how we'd cooked the thing or how much we ate, I couldn't tell. Ghin looked a little green around the gills too.

We lost a couple of hours eating. What can I say? It was a big cow. It was made worse by the fact that Ace throwing all those Hikens had pushed us off course. Naturally, as soon as I noticed this, I had an idea to make up for lost time. I grinned. Ace noticed and raised an eyebrow in question.

"My D senses are tingling. What are you up to?"

"Ace-nii, can you shoot fire off the back of the boat?" I tried to do the puppy eyes, but had no clue if I succeeded. Yeah, they were definitely Luffy's thing. "Not a Hiken- a continuous stream?"

"Okay..." Ace positioned himself on the back of the boat. Sanji looked at me with confusion; Ghin's eyes widened comically.

"Did- did he say his _D senses_ were tingling? He's a D?"

"Yeah. Ace-nii's full name is Portgas D Ace, and Nii-chan's is Monkey D Luffy."

Ghin gulped and grabbed the mast. "No wonder your crew is weird. Hang on Sanji; we're in for a bumpy ride."

Our cook looked dubiously at the tonfa wielder, but grabbed the side of the boat firmly. "Why? What does D mean?"

"Not sure, but from what I've heard, every last one of them is bat-shit insane."

As if on cue, Ace-nii's flames sparked to life. A massive column of fire roared from his hands. An instant later, the boat shot forwards. I leapt to the tiller to steer us back on course. Ghin was right; the ride was quite bumpy. It required constant steering to hold the boat steady as we accelerated. We were basically skipping across the sea.

A couple of hours after starting our Ace-engine we saw another boat in the distance. At first it appeared to be approaching backwards, but that was impossible. We were just going so fast that we were catching up. As we got closer, I recognized Luffy and the others. Our fire-powered boat would pass them quickly, so I called out to my rubber brother. "Nii-chan! Grab on!"

"Shishishi! Okay!" Luffy grabbed the back of our boat, legs wrapping around the mast of his own. There was a snapping noise as he stretched taught, then the two boats were bouncing across the sea in unison. Ace had to be more careful where he aimed his fire, but he seemed to be doing alright.

After picking up the rest of the crew, it took us less than an hour to arrive at an island. We could see the _Going Merry_ at anchor by a beach. As we made our rapid approach, a problem occurred to several of us at the same time. Ace looked at me, worried. "Blue... How do I slow us down?"

"Uh... Haven't thought about that part."

Sabo gripped his hat and pipe tightly. "Will someone please give my sister a good whack on the head?"

Sanji and Ghin- who Sabo had been addressing- both looked mortified. In the end it was Ghin who did as my brother asked. His hit was tentative and light, as if he couldn't believe what Sabo had asked. I barely noticed it. My blond brother sighed.

"No, like you mean it. She needs to learn not to turn boats into brake-less Ace-rockets."

The resultant wallop was much more like what I was used to. I grunted as my face slammed into the floor of the boat. Ghin had a good arm; I guess that was only natural, with tonfa as his main weapons.

Before I could get back on my feet, the keel of our lead boat hit the beach. Both boats were sent flying, tumbling end over end through the air, tossing our crew all over the place. Various manly yelps and girly shrieks filled the air (and the latter weren't always from girls). I got the impression that at least three of my crew mates wanted to kill me. Nii-chan, unlike the rest of us, was laughing his rubber ass off.

We were scattered. I landed with Ghin and Coby in the middle of a forest. It was kind of funny to watch- we each had our own way of landing. I ended on all fours like a cat, trained through years of being thrown around by Ace. Ghin swung his tonfa in an odd way as he fell, changing his momentum and allowing him to roll easily to his feet. Coby landed on his back, wind knocked out of him. It was probably thanks to training with Luffy that the pink-haired boy wasn't hurt worse.

I wiped off my glasses on the hem of my shirt and put them in their case on my belt. Ghin, who had never seen me without them, looked at me with confusion. "What are you doing?"

"We're prob'ly gonna get in a fight soon. Don't wanna break 'em."

"What? Are your D senses tingling now too?"

Grinning, I shook my head. "Nah, I'm no D. Just Bluejay; I'm adopted."

"...Somehow that doesn't reassure me. _At all_."

The three of us wandered through the forest for what felt like a couple of hours. We didn't see any signs of our crew during that time. We weren't _lost_ per say- not the way Zoro probably was- we just didn't know where anything was on that island. As soon as we made our way out of the forest we should be fine though.

Not so. When we eventually got out from under the trees, we found a large building with a walled courtyard. A giant sign book-ended by poorly painted sharks proclaimed the place Arlong Park. The courtyard was full of large men with strange, fish-like features. They didn't notice us at first.

My group weren't the only ones to arrive at the park. Zoro and Kaya appeared from the opposite direction at the same time, the latter nagging the former to rest. Blood and crusty yellow fluid had seemed through some of Zoro's bandages; the fall probably reopened some of his wounds.

Zoro shot Kaya a smug look. "See? I told you we weren't lost."

"Keep telling yourself that," Kaya said with a smile.

That was what let the fishmen know we were there. A few dozen pairs of shiny aquatic eyes glared at us. Except one pair that were compound and lidless- I don't think that guy was physically capable of glaring.

"What are those humans doing here?"

"They're armed- rebels!"

"Get 'em!"

A fishy tide- school?- swarmed us. Coby squeaked. Zoro went to draw his swords, but was flicked in the forehead by Kaya. "No fighting! Most people wouldn't even be walking yet!"

"But-!"

Kaya glared. "No Zoro-san! Let Blue-san, Coby-san, and Ghin-san handle it."

"Fine," Zoro grumbled. He sat off to one side, glaring at the ground.

The first fishman to reach us looked like a goldfish crossed with a gorilla. Coby screamed and closed his eyes while kicking the fishman in the crotch. It worked surprisingly well, given that the fishmen's battle cries were all about how they were different and better than humans. Their anatomy didn't seem that different.

More fishmen closed in. I pounced on the nearest, fingers curled into claws, teeth bared. Fish scales gummed up beneath my nails as I clawed my target. When I bit down on my opponent's neck, it tasted like tuna.

"You're nasty," Ghin informed me, smashing a fishman in the face with both tonfa at once. I grinned.

"Not always. But fish _are_ right up my alley."

"I'd like to say you get used to it, Ghin-san," Coby put in. He punched his own fishman in the gut multiple times before kicking them in the face. "Sadly, from what Ace-san says, I don't think you do."

Releasing my first target, I kicked the next in the face. His strange glowing-lure eyebrows smooshed under my foot. "Hey! Ace-nii doesn't have room to complain. He's the one who told me I could bite Gramps."

Ghin sweatdropped while spinning his tonfa into two separate fishmen. "I don't think he meant you should eat your enemies."

"I don't eat them!" Which was true. I was no cannibal. Although my protests would probably have been more believable without the blood on my hands and face.

"Coby, duck." Ghin's words sent our pink-haired friend diving to the ground. Two fishmen collided in midair above his head. A pair of tonfa spun quickly into the fishmen from below, launching them airborne.

"Bremen's Charge!"

Ghin's attack left his back open. A fishman promptly took advantage of his position, only to receive Coby's foot in the stomach. The pink-haired boy made a face somehow both confused and constipated. "Um..."

"Don't try to make up technique names mid-fight," I warned, dodging a scaly punch. "Do it in practice, so it'll be automatic when you get in a real fight. Otherwise you'll end up with something lame at best; at worst, it'll distract you."

"Okay. Blue-san, look out!"

I ducked under a fishman's kick. "White Tiger Claw!" My palm slammed into my attacker's solar plexus. I kicked the fishman's legs out from under him while he caught his breath.

It was my first time fighting alongside someone other than my brothers. We didn't seem to do too badly. Sure, as the fight wore on, we got in each others' way a few times, but never badly enough to get each other killed. Though we did hurt each other a bit. Some of my attempts to trip enemies got Coby instead, while Ghin hit me once with his tonfa. Although that one sent me flying into a shrimp fishman, crushing him, so it worked out in the end.

All in all, it took about ten minutes to defeat the fishmen. I honestly couldn't decide whether to call them mooks or not. They were far more durable than the usual cannon-fodder, but none of them looked or acted like officers.

As Coby, Ghin, and I recovered from our fight, Zoro yawned at us from his seat. "Not bad, but I would've done it faster."

"You would've torn more stitches," Kaya chided, flicking Zoro in the head. Ghin chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah. So would I, but I'm still recovering."

Coby looked around in confusion. "So... Now what do we do? I'm still not sure where we are."

Zoro yawned again, closing his eyes. He didn't look at all concerned- Hell, he looked like he was about to fall asleep. I growled and bounded over to poke the swordsman repeatedly. "Oi Shrubbery! You're supposed to be the first mate here! What should we do?"

One eye opened to stare at me. Zoro smirked. "Maybe, but the captain always says you're one of the smart ones. You figure something out."

I frowned. "But without Ace-nii or Usopp there's no way to signal the others!"

"Relax," Zoro told me, ruffling my hair. "Ace, Sabo, and the captain won't leave the island without us- you especially. They'll show up eventually if we just stay here."

"True..." I calmed down. Our first mate smiled and closed his eye again.

"If you're bored, why not teach Coby some of those team maneuvers you and your brothers claim to be so fond of?"

I looked over at Coby; he shrugged. Since in my family anything short of screaming in abject terror was considered a yes (when it came to training at least), the two of us spent the next several hours drilling combination techniques while Zoro slept. Ghin and Kaya watched with amusement.

Working with Coby was unusual for me. For once I found myself larger and stronger than my partner. That meant I was in the position usually occupied by Ace or Sabo as we trained. This led to some rather interesting screw-ups, especially since I hadn't put my glasses back on. That was a good thing though. Coby kicked me in the face the first time I threw him.

The second time ended with him ploughing face-first into a tree. No, my poor aim had nothing to do with revenge. Why do you ask?

Our training eventually came to an end when I successfully launched Coby through the park's gates, only to have him flying kick a returning fishman in the face. Coby squeaked and raced back to me.

There were four of them: a shark, a ray, an octopus, and a- lip thing? I wasn't sure what the last one was supposed to be. Those four though... They felt much stronger than the ones my crew mates and I had beaten unconscious before. They also felt _pissed_. The shark man glared at us.

"Puny humans! How dare you do this to my men?!"

"Ksesese... Oops?"

Zoro woke up; Ghin looked like he wanted to run. Coby was rooted to the spot. I could still move, but I knew there was no way I could do anything on my own. Zoro tried to stand and draw his swords, only to be held down by Kaya.

"No Zoro-san! You'll tear your stitches!" For a supposedly sickly girl, Kaya had quite the grip- and forehead flick.

"But they need help! And the octopus has swords!"

"Feh. As if a human like you could do anything against me." The shark man backhanded Zoro and Kaya through a wall. Our swordsman protected our nurse as best he could, though it resulted in more blood seeping through his bandages.

"Zoro-aniki!" Johnny and Yosaku had been approaching on the other side of the newly-perforated wall.

"I'm okay," our first mate grunted. "Kaya?"

"I'll be alright Zoro-san. Thank you."

Johnny and Yosaku charged the fishmen with wild yells. They were no match. The ray and the octopus beat them easily. I wanted to help, but they were even less acclimatized to me than Coby and Ghin were- I would've only gotten in the way. So I launched my own attack instead.

"Red Tigress' Hunting Grounds!"

The lippy fishman turned towards me as I pounced. A water pistol hit me point blank in the chest, firing me backwards through a wall. My head bounced loudly off a brick. I stood to attack again, but staggered, barely able to stand. My eyes spun.

A large hand rested on my shoulder. I looked up to see a scarred man with a pinwheel on his hat. Behind him stood a random grab-bag of villagers armed with everything from pitchforks to rolling pins. The man smiled grimly. "Don't kill yourself fighting our battles girl. We've a bone to pick with these fishmen. Patience is no longer the answer!"

I didn't understand what he meant. Apparently though, Johnny and Yosaku did. The battered bounty hunters moved into the holes in the wall, swords drawn. "We can't let you through!"

The scarred man stared. "What? Why? This island- these fishmen aren't your problem!"

"No," the bounty hunters agreed, "But they are _his_."

Up the road, behind the villagers, four sets of footsteps approached. I shook my head to clear it and put my glasses on. Then I grinned. The footsteps belonged to Luffy, Sabo, Sanji, and Usopp. My grin faltered. Nii-chan looked _pissed_. He also wasn't wearing his hat. A fifth set of footsteps appeared behind him- Nami, running. The straw hat was on her head.

"Arlong! I'm gonna kick your ass!" If Luffy had been Ace, everyone would've fallen unconscious. As it was, most were still badly shaken.

The shark man snorted derisively. "Stupid human. Why would you throw your life away at such a useless endeavor? You're doomed to fail- a fishman like me is ten times stronger than you could ever be."

"I don't care! You made my navigator cry!"

Luffy launched himself at Arlong, eyes narrowed in anger. The ray, octopus, and lip fishmen tried to stop him, only to be knocked out of the way by a foot, a pipe, and a pachinko ball. Although you could tell from his face that Usopp immediately regretted his decision- especially after the lip fishman chased him into the forest. Ah well, live and learn.

Sabo and Sanji both fought cleverly, keeping their opponents away from the water. The fights were eerie mirrors of each other. Both started with the blond men being knocked around a bit, although they still managed to control the battlefield. Sabo's fight had a cheerleader though. At least, sort of. Does Zoro shouting from the sidelines about how swordsmen should fight swordsmen count as cheerleading?

They weren't exactly working together, but once they went on the offensive, Sabo and Sanji were in near-perfect sync. Although I supposed it made sense. Both were conscientious, technically-skilled, self-professed gentlemen- it only made sense that they would have similar rhythms.

"Collier! Épaule! Cotelette! Selle! Poitrine! Gigot! Mouton!" A flurry of kicks knocked the ray fishman up into the air, then slammed him into the ground. "As if a cook like me would ever lose to an ingredient."

"Dragon's Tail! Heavenly Dragon's Descent! Five Toes of the Emperor!" Sabo's pipe broke the octopus' swords before slamming into his head and knee. The octopus panicked.

"How did you do that?! No human has the strength to break even one of my swords, let alone all six!"

Sabo glared. "You're just like the nobles back home. Just because you were born differently doesn't make you better than everyone else!"

His words struck a chord with the octopus man. Dropping the remains of his swords, the octopus looked at the ground. "I- I didn't mean-"

"It makes me sick! If the nobles had their way, my family would've burned to death!" I doubted Sabo was coherent anymore. His eyes were glazed over, reflecting imaginary flames. It took a lot to work Sabo-nii up, but remembering the fire the nobles had ordered in Grey Terminal would do it.

Meanwhile Sanji's opponent had stood up. The ray fishman appeared to be readying himself for some sort of special attack. Too bad for him it took so long. Sanji's kick struck at the same time Sabo attacked the octopus in a blind rage.

"Mouton Shot!"

"Dragon's Tail!"

The two fishmen were thrown into the air, where they crashed into each other. Both were knocked out by the force. The octopus fell into a pool connected to the sea; the ray crashed down on concrete.

Usopp reappeared around that time. He was badly bruised and covered in dirt and ketchup. How the ketchup got there I couldn't tell. But our sniper was smiling, so I guessed his fight had gone well.

On the other side of the courtyard, Nii-chan was still engaged with Arlong. Luffy's punches had shattered a few pillars and there were teeth marks in others. Blood dripped down Nii-chan's arm from a bite on his shoulder. In a totally bizarre move, my brother had grabbed Johnny and Yosaku's swords and was swinging them about wildly. Arlong laughed at him.

"You can't even use a sword little boy! Truly humans are a pathetic lot."

Luffy growled and tossed the swords away. "Yeah? So what if I'm no good with weapons? So what if I can't cook or sew or navigate? I'm not the best at first-aid... I can't even tell lies! I know I need my friends and family! Without them I'd never get anywhere!"

Arlong grinned maliciously. "Indeed. Then tell me, is there _anything_ you can do to justify their faith in you?"

"I can beat you." Rubber fists slammed into Arlong's stomach, firing him through the wall of the building. Nii-chan followed.

The next few minutes were full of crashing and banging noises. A wall exploded three stories up; bits of paper and broken furniture fell out. I grabbed one of the papers as it drifted past my face. It was a map. Bloody fingerprints stained one side. They were too old and small to have come from Nii-chan's fight.

Above us, the roof of Arlong Park shattered, a foot flying high into the air. Nii-chan's voice rang out over the battlefield. "Gomu-Gomu no Axe!"

Crash! Luffy's foot snapped downwards. The ground shook; the main building of Arlong Park collapsed in on itself. Within seconds it was a pile of rubble. Nami let out a strangled whimper.

She needn't have worried. Nii-chan burst out of the rubble almost immediately. He was streaked in blood, eyes shining with the same determination as when he used to chase after Ace. "Nami! You're one of us, okay?"

"Yeah!" Nami was crying. I would need to get someone to tell me the story there later.

What truly concerned me at the moment was that one of my brothers was still missing. Ace-nii was out there alone somewhere- all the rest of the crew was accounted for. I hoped he hadn't fallen asleep and tumbled off a cliff or something.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. A familiar orange hat popped up as Ace climbed over a wall. He carried a beaten marine in one hand; the man looked like a battered rat. A closer look revealed that Ace-nii had burned the marine's mustache off. "Hey, I found this guy loading the treasure we took from Buggy onto his ship, plus some other stuff. Did you give it to him Nami?"

It was as if a switch had been flipped. Nami went from crying to enraged in two seconds flat. Her eyes turned into beri symbols; her teeth were suddenly sharper than Arlong's. If I hadn't known it was Ace who'd eaten the Mera-Mera no Mi I would've expected Nami to catch fire. Our navigator stalked over and walloped the marine over the head with her staff.

"Give me back my money!"

 **xXx**

Old man Genzo explained it to me while we prepared for the party. Apparently he was under orders from Sabo to keep me away from the cooking. So Genzo told me how Arlong had conquered the island, and about Nami's deal to try and buy her village. It made me sick. I wished I had joined Nii-chan in kicking the boss shark's butt. Sabo-nii was right- the fishmen were just like the nobles.

Once the party was in full swing, I holed up in a corner by the buffet, where I could easily reach the food without being in view of the dance floor. Mostly I didn't want Sabo to drag me out for dance lessons. He was still trying to turn me into a lady. Why, I would never know. It's not like we were a family with high society aspirations- Hell, we tended to hate those families. Maybe he thought I would need to infiltrate a marine ball someday?

Sanji found me in my corner. He looked around to see if my brothers were nearby before opening his mouth. Before our cook could say anything, I shot him a glare. "I'd rather you just treat me like one of the guys. Forget my brothers- if you bother me, I'll kick your liver through your spine."

"You really like that threat, don't you Blue-chan?" Sanji lit a cigarette and sat down facing me. I gagged, pulling my bandanna up from around my neck to cover my nose.

"Look, I'm not here to flirt. Your brother's right; you're too young for me. But you're a little lady Blue-chan, so I'll continue to treat you like one."

"Not a lady, no matter _what_ Sabo-nii says."

"Every girl is a lady, and every lady is beautiful in her own way. But that's not what I'm here to talk about right now." Sanji took a long drag on his cigarette. "I was wondering where you're from."

"Oro?"

Sanji smiled. "The others may not notice, but I was born in the North Blue. There's something off about your Deutsch and Francais, and even speaking English, your accent isn't quite normal for the East Blue."

I'd lived on Dawn Island for ten years and no one had ever commented on that, even when I first showed up. To be honest, I'd never noticed. Although now that Sanji mentioned it, how would my accent have survived ten years? I could barely remember my home!

"Sorry Sanji, but I don't remember where I came from. Makino- the woman who used to look after Nii-chan- found me in the jungle when I was four. I'm not even sure how I got there."

"Really?" Sanji's visible eye widened in surprise. "You don't remember... anything?"

"Just bits and flashes. I didn't even know I could speak Francais until you asked. The only things that come easily are songs."

"Huh. Well, are you up for singing right now Blue-chan? Maybe I can use it to figure out where you're from."

No one had ever had that idea before. Then again, Sanji was the first person I'd met who'd been to another Blue- except Gramps. Maybe it was worth a shot. I took a deep breath and started.

 _C-A-N-A-D-A_

 _Tell me, what's a Douglas fir?_

 _C-A-N-A-D-A_

 _Bet you never heard a bobcat purr_

 _C-A-N-A-D-A_

 _Have you ever seen a lobster crawl?_

 _In Canada we get to see them all..._

When I got to the end of the song, I looked at Sanji expectantly. He shrugged. "Sorry, never heard that one before. Haven't even heard of the place it's describing. Sounds like some sort of fantasy land."

I sighed. "Well, thanks for trying. Now could you take your smokes somewhere else? You're hurting my nose."

"Of course Blue-chan!" Serious demeanor dropped, Sanji noodle-danced away to flirt with Nami. Unfortunately, his dance and high-pitched farewell attracted the attention of two nearby older brothers.

"Blue!" Ace glomped me before Sabo could drag me out to dance. Normally I would've been grateful, but Ace-nii was currently far more than three sheets to the wind. It was like being glomped by a quilt that had been soaked in sake and rum.

"Ace-nii! Get off!"

"Aww! Blue-chan! Nii-san just wants to cuddle!" So Ace was a clingy, whiny drunk. Who would've guessed?

I looked up at Sabo, deciding dancing was the lesser of two evils. Not that looking up was easy, what with Ace trying to bury his face in my ponytail. "Sabo-nii, get him off!"

"Wah! Blue doesn't love me!" Were those tears? Was Ace _crying_ into my hair?

Sabo smiled, rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry Blue. I tried to save you, but he was too quick. Still, at least he isn't doing what he did to Lu earlier." My blond brother's eye twitched. "So... much... snuggling..."

 **xXx**

 _It was dark. Everything was covered in magma and ice, so what little light there was was an eerie red. I was running across a battlefield with no idea how I'd gotten there. My heart felt like it was about to burst out of my chest. Guns roared around me; swords flashed in the dimness._

 _Beside me Luffy fell to the ground, exhausted. I tried to turn to see who was chasing us. Just as I managed (it was like being stuck in syrup), a blaze of magma and fire lit up the air. A fist of molten rock poured towards Nii-chan, with Ace-nii moving to intercept. I opened my mouth to scream-_

-And inhaled air that stank of smoke and booze. I lunged upright. Somehow I'd managed to fall asleep between two buffet tables. To be fair, I could see people sleeping in all kinds of odd places. My brothers were nowhere in sight, however, explaining why I'd had a nightmare.

I stomped off through the dozing remains of the party, still half asleep. Eventually I found my brothers cuddling outside the bar. They lay tangled on Zoro's lap, assorted limbs wrapped around- Coby? I wasn't awake enough to question it. A half-hearted kick to Sabo's ribs was enough to get him to roll over and open his arms. I lay down and snuggled contentedly into my brother's chest. It was so much easier to sleep when I wasn't alone.

Coby's scream woke me several hours later, just as dawn rose over the horizon. The pink-haired boy had become squished between Luffy and Ace, with his head resting on my arm and his feet somehow pinned under Sabo's leg. Honestly, I couldn't figure out how we got into some of these positions. Unlike Luffy, most of us couldn't defy standard human anatomy on a whim.

Zoro opened his eyes, glared, and sighed. "Not again..."

"Zoro-san! How do I get them to let go?" Coby tried to shove Luffy away, but Nii-chan just hugged his arm and stretched.

"You can't. Once the captain and company latch onto you, all you can do is wait for them to wake up."

I lifted my head, dislodging Ace-nii's arm. "If you want them to wake up faster, just tell them breakfast is ready. That or call a shitty gramps alert."

"Breakfast?" Luffy rocketed away before anyone could say anything. He probably went looking for Sanji.

"Shitty gramps alert?!" Ace jumped up and hid behind a chair. He kicked Sabo in the stomach as he moved.

Sabo-nii groaned into my hair. "Did you _have_ to wake them that way?"

"Not really, but Zoro should know how to do it. He's our first mate after all."

"Fair enough."

The next few hours were spent rounding up crew members and supplies after the three day party. We found Sanji under a chair, Ghin in a wine barrel, and Usopp and Kaya cuddling in a bathtub. We couldn't find Nami at first, but her sister Nojiko assured us Nami would be ready when it was time to leave.

We had just finished loading the _Merry_ when Nami appeared on the hilltop. Her staff was divided in three and strapped to her leg; a small pack bounced on her back. The tank top she wore revealed a scar on her left arm, mostly hidden by a tattoo of a- pinwheel with an orange on top? Hadn't it been something else before? I couldn't remember- hadn't gotten a good look in the past.

"Set sail!"

"Huh?" Ace and Usopp blinked in confusion. Luffy shrugged.

"It's her home. If that's how she wants to leave... Set sail!"

It didn't take long to untie the _Merry_. Once we did so, Nami came racing down the hill, weaving through the people who'd come to say farewell. She jumped on deck with a smile. Our navigator turned to wave a cheeky goodbye to her hometown- while all their wallets fell out of her shirt.

The air filled with angry shouts as we sailed away. Sabo whistled. "Wow Ace... I think she's an even better pickpocket than you and Blue combined."

Nami raised an eyebrow. "The fireball and the little bird can pick pockets?"

Luffy shoved a finger up his nose. "Um... Yeah? Where else would we've gotten the money for the _Moon Boat_? People stopped falling for Sabo'n me begging after our seventh dine'n dash."

"Heh. So you guys _do_ know how to act like real pirates." Nami looked at Ace, who had fallen asleep draped across the cannon. "Some of the time, at least."


	8. Your Father Smells of Elderberries

After leaving Cocoyashi Village- with a cargo that included mikan trees of all things- we set sail for Loguetown. At least we wouldn't get scurvy. Speaking of scurvy, Johnny and Yosaku stayed behind to help rebuild Nami's home town. I was relieved. Their over-eager enthusiasm (and ignorance of their skill level) was a bit embarrassing.

We'd been sailing for two days when the news coo came and decided to tick Nami off by demanding a price hike. Usopp was a little scared by how intense she got over a difference of two beri.

"Um, Nami? Since your village is free now, do you really need to worry about money so much?"

Our navigator glared at our sniper. "Of course! Running a pirate ship is expensive you know- especially with four black holes on board and another in the making. Plus I need money for me."

I looked up from where I was mending one of Luffy's vests. "Then we should get some fabric in the next port. Making clothes is usually cheaper than buying them, and Zoro and Ghin didn't come with spares."

The first mate growled in his sleep. Meanwhile our resident adult rolled his eyes. "It's not my fault that the last ship I served on was sliced up and sunk before I could grab my other shirt."

Nami nodded absently as she read the paper. Then her eyes started to glow red while her teeth got sharp like a shark's. If I hadn't seen her swim just that morning, I would've suspected a Devil Fruit. "Luffy! Ace! I'm going to kill you!"

Two of my brothers appeared from a storage hold. Ace yawned. "What's up?"

"Thanks to you two we have prices on our heads! The navy will be after us now! Argh! Why did I have to sign on with a crew of trouble makers?" Nami's yell made the entire crew wince.

"Because we're awesome," I shot back without missing a beat. Luffy bounced over to grab the newspaper.

"What's it say? What's it say?"

Rubber hands snatched two bounty posters. Luffy laughed and waved the posters around for everyone to see. Except for Nami (who was still freaking out), everybody smiled. The pictures were fuzzy and not that good, but my smiling brothers were easily identifiable. Ace smirked.

"Straw Hat Luffy: 30,000,000. Fire Fist Ace: 20,000,000. Not bad, but why's Lu's bounty higher than mine?"

Sabo grabbed the newspaper to read the article that went with the bounties. "Captain Straw Hat Luffy is considered a highly dangerous individual who has defeated Iron Mace Alvida, Buggy the Clown, Kuro of a Thousand Plans, and Saw Tooth Arlong. His brother Fire Fist Ace defeated former marine captain Axe Hand Morgan and Foul Play Don Krieg. In addition, the brothers are responsible for the kidnapping of-" Here Sabo paled, "-of Outlook Sabo of Goa Kingdom, previously thought deceased."

As one, our entire crew turned to stare at my brothers. "You kidnapped him? He's a noble?"

"They didn't kidnap me! I ran away!" Sabo glared at the paper. "How did they even figure out who I was? They don't have Ace or Lu's family names."

"Who cares?" Luffy stuck out his tongue. "You're one of us. The stuffy nobles can't have you."

"Why would a noble run away from home?" Nami's eyes were beri symbols.

"Let's just say the people there are rotten." Sabo continued to glare at the paper. I ran to put Ace and Luffy's bounty posters up on the galley wall. Ace retrieved our den-den mushi.

"What's that for?" Luffy bounced over to join our oldest brother.

"Gonna call Dadan, let her know what's going on."

Puru-puru-puru-puru. Ka-chik. _"Who the Hell's this?"_

"Hi Dadan! Guess what; our crew voted me captain!" Sabo and I trotted over to join our brothers as Luffy blew the den-den mushi's ear out.

 _"Brats? What's goin on? I went down to Makino's today and saw Brat One and Brat Two on the wall behind the bar! What've you been up to?"_

"Nothing special," Ace chuckled. "Beating up thugs, pirates, corrupt marines… You know, same as we did back home. There's just more of us now."

 _"So you're really doin it, eh? How many've you got now?"_

Luffy started counting on his fingers. Sabo interrupted before he could get far. "There's eleven now. In addition to us four, we have Lu's first mate, a cabin boy, a navigator, a sniper, a nurse, a chef, and an adult. Though the last claims to be a tattoo artist."

 _"Sounds like you kids are doin pretty well for yourselves."_

"Someone told the navy we kidnapped Sabo," I put in. That made Dadan laugh.

 _"As if anyone could make Brat Four go anywhere he didn't want to. Idiots. Anyways, I'll tell Makino what you've been doin. She worries."_ Three boxes of Gramps' rice crackers said Makino wasn't the only one. _"Now, with the posters out, You-Know-Who'll know what you're up to. Don't let him catch you, hear?"_

All four of us paled. "We know."

 _"Good. And he'll never say it even if he thinks it, but I will: I'm proud of you."_

 **xXx**

When we got to Loguetown, we dropped anchor well away from any other ships. On Sabo and Nami's advice we also hid our Jolly Roger- both the flag and the ones on the sails. Apparently there was a marine captain in town famous for catching any pirates who came near. Solution? Don't let him know we'd come near.

We decided to pair off, for safety's sake. Everyone had business in town- even Ace, who really didn't want to be there. One of his knives had melted while practicing with his fire; he needed a new one. Ace-nii absolutely _refused_ to be in a group with Luffy, who wanted to stop by the execution platform. I felt bad for Ace, but confused at the same time. After all, Nii-chan wanted the same title that once belonged to Roger. Would Ace-nii come to resent Nii-chan the same way he resented his father? What had the old pirate king been like to earn such hatred?

In the end Ace went with Zoro to look for a weapons shop. Nami offered them a loan (at an awful interest rate), but Ace-nii waved her off. "I'll just find some stupid rich guy and pick his pockets. If I get the right one, he won't even notice."

Sanji and Kaya went to get food and first-aid supplies; Usopp and Ghin looked for stuff to do tattoos and trick ammunition. Yelling excitedly, Luffy dragged Coby off to see the execution platform. That left Nami, Sabo, and I to get textiles and special navigation equipment. Apparently normal compasses and such didn't work properly on the Grand Line- at least, according to the shop that sold something called log poses.

With my eyes, I had little interest in navigation. I stayed outside the store while Nami and Sabo were looking around. There was a hat vendor across the street, selling wares from the West Blue. I browsed as I waited, wondering if I should buy one. My brothers each had their own signature hat; I was the odd one out.

Looking at the hats, I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. Neither, apparently, was the green-haired man who tripped over me. We both crashed to the ground. I leapt to my feet with an angry growl. "Watch where you're going asshole!"

"What did ya say? Ya watch where ya're going, ya li'l bitch!" The man had ridiculously pronounced canines. They made him spit when he talked.

"I wasn't moving Dummkopf."

"Not sure what that means, but I feel like I should be offended! And I'm one man ya really don't wanna tick off dabe!"

If he was trying to intimidate me, he was doing a horrible job at it. I mean, his dagger was shoved down the front of his pants. That was just asking to be castrated. "I'll take my chances jerkwad. I've been beating thugs like you since I was little. Bring it."

Growling, the man drew his knife and moved to attack me. He froze halfway. "Li'l… Ya'll're still li'l- like, really li'l dabe. What makes a midget like ya'll think ya can take me?"

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe because I've been fighting thugs and wild animals since I was four? Because I was raised by mountain bandits? How about because my family's made of superhuman monsters? Take your pick."

"Ya may be li'l, but ya've got more spirit than most twice your size dabe." The stranger sheathed his dagger. After a moment's thought, he shifted it from his pants to his jacket. "I like ya. Name's Bartolomeo."

"Bluejay." I shook the proffered hand. Luckily it wasn't the one he'd used to move his knife.

"So li'l Blue, what were ya doin in the middle o'the road? Most around here know to get outta the way when they see me comin."

"Trying to decide whether to buy a hat," I admitted. "My brothers each have their own special hat… I guess I'm a little jealous."

"Hehahaha! Izzat all? Here!" Bartolomeo snatched a hat off the rack and plopped it on my head. The vendor looked too scared to protest. "This one looks good on ya."

"Uh… Thanks?" I took the hat off to look at it. It was a purple baseball cap, dark and shiny. The colour looked good with my dull gold hair, but didn't go with any of my clothes at all.

"No problem." Bartolomeo scribbled down and den-den mushi number and thrust it at me. "Here. Ya'll're an honorary member o'the Barto Club now dabe. Call that number if ya need help and I'll send my men over in a jiffy."

I looked at the number dubiously. "That won't really work; I travel a lot. Beside, my brother won't be too happy that you've been trying to poach his crew members."

"Crew… Ya'll're a pirate?" Bartolomeo smiled. "That's cool dabe. Keep the number anyway. Ya can call up your big bro Barto and tell me all about your adventures."

"Okay…" Man, this guy could rival Luffy for stubbornness. He'd given me absolutely no chance to refuse. Before I could think of anything to say, a man in a checkered coat ran up to us.

"Boss! We've got a situation behind the Gold Roger!"

"Alright. I'm comin." Bartolomeo ruffled my hair. "See ya 'round li'l Blue."

Bartolomeo and his man took off down the road. I turned to the vendor and paid for the hat- throwing in a little extra to soothe the man's frayed nerves. Sabo and Nami emerged from the cartography shop a few minutes later. They raised their eyebrows at my hat, but decided to leave their questions for later.

Buying fabrics and things took longer than navigation supplies, mostly because I had to keep dragging Nami away from a particular bolt of shiny, gold-coloured satin. It was just too expensive to buy in quantity, unlike the meters of multi-coloured cotton and canvas I was picking out. After the fifth time she made her way back to that stall, I sighed and relented.

"Alright. Two meters." Oh well, Nami controlled most of our funds anyways. If she didn't complain about the cost, no one else would. "I'll make you a jacket out of it."

Nami looked at me oddly as we continued shopping. "Don't you like shiny things Bluejay? Sparkles? Anything pretty?"

That made Sabo hang his head. "No she doesn't. Blue's always been a little tomboy. It's too bad too; I'd have such a cute baby sister if she'd just act like a lady sometimes."

"Not cute!" I kicked Sabo-nii in the shin. "Nii-chan's the cute one. I'm the scary one."

"And you're oddly proud of that fact," Sabo mused. "Why, pray tell?"

"None of your business!" I turned to Nami. "And I _do_ like pretty things. I just have a different idea of what's pretty than most people."

"Oh? Well, what sort of things do you think are pretty?"

"Colourful birds. Big, ancient trees that you can't even wrap your arms around. Horses. Fluffy cats. Sabo-nii."

"Boys can't be pretty Blue." Sabo face-palmed, turning red. Nami giggled.

"I have to agree Bluejay. Your brother's one of the prettiest boys I've ever met, even with the scars. Have you ever tried making him a dress?"

"Even if I did, he wouldn't wear it. Sabo-nii's picky about clothes. I made one for Nii-chan's last birthday though, and _he_ wears it."

"Lu would wear anything you made him," Sabo grumbled. "He doesn't care."

Nami giggled again. "Of all your brothers, the one you have wrapped around your little finger is _Luffy?_ "

Sabo laughed. "None of us have any of the others wrapped around anything. Lu legitimately doesn't care; he thinks anything Blue makes is cool. And Ace and I lost any warm, fuzzy big brother naïveté about Blue years ago."

I stuck my tongue out. "Not my fault _I_ had to give _you_ The Talk."

My brother's eye twitched. "That was not The Talk. That was you finding Dadan's stash of trashy romance novels and reading them aloud when Lu asked for a bedtime story."

If we had been drinking, Nami would've pulled a spit-take. "She did _what?_ How old were you?"

"Ace and I were twelve, Lu was nine, and Blue was six. It's the only time I can remember Dadan actually punishing one of us. I can't decide what was worse: hearing a six-year-old reading bad porn, or realizing that she understood it."

"I understood it because I'd read three others earlier that day," I added, smiling. Nami stared at me.

"You poor, poor child."

Nami's words confused me. Sure, the hiding I'd gotten from Dadan for taking her books had hurt, but I doubted that was what Nami meant by _poor child_. I decided to ask Kaya later.

A boy in a yellow shirt ran into me while I was distracted. Or did I run into him? It was hard to tell. Either way, we caught each other and apologized near-simultaneously.

"Sorry! Didn't see you there!"

"I'm sorry! I wasn't paying attention!"

He was about Nii-chan's age, with an odd accent made more obvious by his anxiety. He was also rather well built. A nervous smile revealed small fangs. The boy adjusted his oversized backpack and leaned on his umbrella.

"Um… Could any of you tell me how to get to Furinkan High School?"

Sabo, Nami, and I blinked in confusion. "Sorry, never heard of it."

"Oh. Thanks anyway." The boy looked around. "So… Where am I now anyway?"

"Loguetown." Nami raised an eyebrow while the boy had a minor freak out. "You aren't related to Roronoa Zoro, are you?"

"Huh? No- my name's Hibiki Ryoga. Why?"

I grinned. "Zoro's the only other person we've met who can get lost enough to not know where he is. That's why we don't let him wander off alone."

Ryoga looked surprised. "Maybe we are related then. Um… Could you tell me how to get to Tokyo from here?"

Tokyo…? The name was vaguely familiar to me, but didn't trigger any memories. I looked at Sabo and Nami. Both were just as confused as I was. I shrugged.

"Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning? Sorry, not sure."

"Okay. Thanks anyways." Ryoga wandered off into the crowd with a wave.

"He was cute," Nami commented. I nodded. Sabo groaned.

"Blue, you're not old enough to think about boys that way. It's not good for your big brothers' hearts."

"Let Nami'n me dress you up and I'll consider your words."

"No!" Sabo clutched his pipe as if he expected to be attacked. I grinned maliciously.

"Well, Ryoga can't have gotten far. Maybe I'll find him and ask if he'll join the crew. I'm sure _he'll_ wear a dress for me."

Sabo-nii broke down. "No! Don't!" He sighed. "Fine. _One_ dress."

"And makeup?" Nami wanted to know. My brother nodded reluctantly.

We continued to shop until Nami said it was about to rain. The drops started while we were on our way back to the ship. We were almost there when we ran into a panting Coby.

"Sabo-san! Bluejay-san! Luffy-san was captured by Buggy the Clown! He's going to kill him!"

My brother and I shoved our bags at the pink-haired boy. "Go with Nami!" we shouted in unison. Coby didn't get a chance to answer before we took off.

When we got to the main square Ace, Zoro, and Sanji were already there. Buggy's pirates surrounded the execution platform, whilst their captain had our captain pinned atop it. Luffy was trying and failing to scratch his nose. He barely seemed concerned about his own capture.

A crowd had gathered to watch the show. I ran past Bartolomeo on my way into the square. Marines watched everything from the sidelines, doing nothing.

Five Straw Hats raced for the platform. Sabo, Ace, and Zoro had weapons drawn- happily, Zoro was equipped with three swords again. Civilians and pirates alike screamed and scrambled out of our way as we ran towards nii-chan.

"Dammit! If I try to burn it down I'll hit Lu!"

"If I can just cut-!"

"-Kick-!"

"-Knock-!"

"-Rip the platform down!"

We weren't going to make it, and we knew it. Luffy apparently did too. He grinned at us as Buggy raised his cutlass, as if this were some big game.

"Ne- Sorry guys. Looks like I'm dead. I guess Ace can be captain now."

"No! _**Luffy!**_ " Ace exploded into a ball of flame as the cutlass descended. Civilians and pirates around him fainted and fell.

Lightning lit up the sky. The roar of thunder was enough to drown out Ace-nii's voice, but not the shattering of steel and wood. Gol D Roger's execution platform crumbled to the ground. Above it, a straw hat fluttered slowly down.

A familiar rubber hand snapped up to retrieve the hat as Luffy pulled himself from the pile of rubble. He looked totally unharmed. "Ah! Not dead! That's nice."

"Don't you ever scare us like that again!" Ace, Sabo, and I all glomped Luffy. He laughed.

"I'll try not to."

We ran, sending Zoro and Sanji on ahead to make sure everyone else was on the ship. Most of the marines were busy rounding up Buggy and friends, but their captain wanted Luffy and Ace. He and a swordswoman with glasses came after us. It was hard to escape them too. The captain was made of smoke, so no matter what obstacles we tried to put in the way, he just flowed over and around them. We did manage to lose the swordswoman though.

Eventually it came down to a fight. Captain Smokeface- sorry, Smoker- grabbed Luffy and pinned him down. Sabo and I hit him, but hands and pipe alike passed right through smoke. Ace had slightly more success. Still, a battle between smoke and fire leads nowhere.

"Argh!" Ace roared when he realized his flames merely dispersed the smoke slightly at best. "Hi-fuck-off-ken!" A flaming hand shot though Smoker's chest, middle finger extended.

"White Tiger Claw!" I struck the marine as hard as I could, to no avail. A smoky fist shot me into a wall.

"Gomu Gomu no Gatling!" All Luffy's rapid punching did was disperse Smoker's shoulders for a moment. My rubber brother got flipped over for his trouble, pinned face-down to the street beneath Smoker's foot.

"Five Toes of the Emperor!" Not a single one of Sabo's strikes connected. He was barely able to keep his hold on his pipe as the marine threw him down the street. Sabo rolled to his feet and charged back into the fray instantly.

It was looking hopeless for us, at least, until Smoker realized he couldn't hurt Ace any more than we could hurt him. The marine pulled out an oddly shimmery jitte. When he attacked with it, the weapon slammed into Ace as if he were solid. It also bruised Luffy, who had finally managed to wriggle out from beneath Smoker. That was weird- a blunt weapon like a jitte shouldn't have been able to harm either of them. This gave Sabo and I an idea.

"Look! An obvious distraction!" I launched a kick at Smoker's face. My attack passed right through (and got me thrown into another wall for my trouble), but damage wasn't what I was aiming for. For a few seconds, Smoker could see nothing but me.

Whatever strange material the jitte was made of, it couldn't go intangible like its wielder. Sabo spun his pipe through the jitte's kagi, twisting the weapon out of its owner's hand. Then he tossed his pipe to the side. By the time I recovered from being thrown, Sabo had grabbed the jitte and slammed it into Smoker's gut.

One on one, it would've been no contest. Smoker was more skilled and experienced than any of us. But this was four on one. We quickly discovered that Smoker couldn't go intangible when in contact with the boshin of his jitte. Like any good pirates would, we took advantage of this fact.

"Ascending Dragon!" Sabo tackled Smoker, using the jitte as a staff to pin the marine to a wall.

"Gomu Gomu no Pistol!" Luffy knocked the wind out of our opponent while Ace came in from the side. Our oldest brother kicked Smoker in the head. Most people would've been knocked silly, but with the marine captain, I couldn't be sure; he didn't seem the type to do silly.

"Hungry White Tiger Cub!" I jumped onto Ace's shoulders, using the extra height to reach Smoker's neck. Putting someone pinned against a wall in a chokehold is tricky, but I managed.

With Sabo and Luffy pressing on his lungs and me on his throat, Smoker slowly asphyxiated. We dropped him once he passed out.

"That could've been bad." Sabo tossed Smoker's jitte aside and retrieved his pipe. Luffy grinned.

"But it wasn't! If we're together, we can do anything!"

"Shush!" Ace bopped Luffy on the head. Grey eyes scanned the rain-misted alleys. "We're being watched."

As soon as he said it, the rest of us could feel it too. It felt like we were being stalked by the tiger lord of Mount Corvo. Or possibly by Gramps. Regardless, there was definitely a predator near.

A cloaked man emerged from one of the alleys. He was tall, with red geometric tattoos on the left half of his face. My brothers and I snapped into fighting stances. Sabo's eyes went wide.

"Dragon?"

"Dad?" Luffy sounded shocked. Dragon smiled wryly.

"Yes. I didn't originally mean for you to see me, but you got me curious. The noble boy from Goa, right? And you four claim to be brothers?"

"Sister." I glared up at Dragon, wondering what he was going to do. He was the most wanted man in the world; somehow I doubted even four of us would be enough to fight him off.

"I see. And you're pirates… Well, that's fine, as long as you're not with the government. Live how you like."

Ace glowered, flames leaping up along his shoulders. "Are you just gonna chat? Cos we're gonna have a shit-tonne of marines on our tails soon, and if there's more like their captain, we're royally fucked."

"If that happens, I will help you escape. I only wanted to see my son. You probably think I'm a horrible father, but I assure you, leaving Luffy on Dawn Island was for his own protection." Amusement danced in Dragon's eyes. "I never expected to end up with three more."

"Huh?"

"Oro?"

Sabo was the only one who understood what Dragon was saying. "Wait… You want to claim all of us?"

"If you don't mind an absentee father whose name brings nothing but trouble. But I think you already have experience with that." Dragon's eyes flicked to Ace.

Our oldest brother looked torn. On one hand, he had severe issues with the very situation Dragon described. On the other, Dragon had helped Sabo as a child and was offering to help us now if we needed it. Ace growled. Then…

"Why does the government want your head so badly anyway? What does being a revolutionary mean?"

"Working to overthrow corrupt governments and, in the end, the Tenryuubito. I'm afraid I can't give you any details."

My brothers and I looked at each other. As one, we nodded. Anyone who wanted to overthrow the people who'd tried to separate us- and cage and kill Sabo- had our support. "Alright."

"Excellent. Monkey D Sabo and Monkey D Bluejay have a nice ring to them. I expect _Portgas_ D Ace will wish to keep his mother's name?"

"Yeah." Ace frowned. "Wait- how'd you know all that? Have you been spying on us?"

"Of course. I may not have been able to keep him with me, but I still kept an eye on my son."

Ace paled. I wondered how long Dragon had been spying on us, and why we'd never noticed. My brothers and I weren't usually easy to hide from. We'd hunted (and been hunted) too often. Ace especially could usually tell when we were being watched.

Dragon handed us a piece of paper and a small, white snail. The paper had a den-den mushi number on it and was topped with the word _father_. Sabo's eyes went wide.

"Is that a white den-den mushi?"

"Yes. I expect you to use it if you intend to call me, which you mustn't do too often. You're the only group outside my army to have that number; guard it well."

Sabo, Ace, and I nodded our understanding. Luffy picked his nose. He was more concerned with something else. "Dad? Can I hug you?"

That was what proved Dragon and Luffy were definitely related. The D grin looked odd on Dragon's craggy face. He didn't give any of us a choice; the revolutionary swept all four of us up into a hug. Ace struggled on reflex. The rest of us didn't have daddy issues as bad as his, so we just accepted it.

"Just no Fists of Love," I muttered into Dragon's shoulder. He laughed.

"No, I wouldn't do that. I went through far too many of them myself as a child."

 **xXx**

Nami hit my brothers and I over the head when we returned to the ship. "What took you so long?"

"We met Dad," Luffy explained as we cast off. "He gave us a weird den-den mushi and his number, adopted Blue, Sabo'n Ace, and hugged us. I like his hugs better than Grandpa's."

Coby started to shake. "Wait… You actually met _Dragon the Revolutionary?_ He was here?"

"Dragon the Revolutionary is your father?!" Multiple voices were raised in shock.

"If you're having trouble with that, just wait until Grandpa shows up." Sabo shuddered. Luffy and I followed suite. Ace hit Sabo over the head, knocking his top hat off.

"No! We don't _want_ them to meet Gramps!"

Sabo rubbed the back of his head. "Ouch. Ace, you know it's going to happen eventually. He'll try to catch us at some point if nothing else."

Zoro yawned. He'd been the only one not shocked by our having met Dragon- possibly because he'd been napping. "So, where to next?"

"Reverse Mountain!" Luffy bounced up to the bow. "Set sail in a general… that way direction!" He spun around and pointed randomly out to sea. Nami hit him over the head again.

"We need to go north-west, not south!"

 **A/N: Yeah, Dragon's probably pretty OOC. I've been reading a lot of proud father Dragon stories lately though, so I wanted to include some of that. My headcanon is that Dragon's secretly a huge dork (he's related to Garp and Luffy after all) and that in another life he'd be one of those really doting dads.**

 **And a shout-out to Johnny Spectre, who wanted to know why Bluejay didn't have a special hat yet and gave me a fun idea for how she should get one.**


	9. Filler Barque- Stealth Tactics

**A/N: This is the first of what I'm going to call my Filler Barques. They're chapters that aren't based on anything from the One Piece manga, anime, or movies. If that's not your cup of tea, you can skip them and probably not have it affect your reading. I'll label them in the chapter titles.**

A day after leaving Loguetown, we learned never to place Ace and Zoro on watch at the same time. The resultant mess was my fault. I was still in charge of the watch schedule; I should've known better. Honestly, I don't know why it had never occurred to me before.

We weren't even moving at the time. It shouldn't have been _possible_ to get lost. But apparently it was.

It took a while to piece together exactly what happened. Zoro had been on his way to the head, which somehow led him through the helm (it shouldn't have). He'd tripped in the dark and knocked the steering pole askew. Why couldn't we have a ship with a proper steering wheel? Meanwhile Ace had fallen asleep, flaming snores burning through the rope holding us to our anchor.

Why we were using a rope instead of a chain I'd rather not say. It was Usopp's fault. Kaya took an hour to stop laughing.

By the time anyone else woke up and noticed we were drifting, the _Merry_ was well off course. We had no idea where we were. Nami immediately raced to her charts to calculate our new position. She wasn't fast enough. The _Going Merry_ wasn't the only ship riding whatever current had caught us.

Bubbling from the ocean depths was the first sign we weren't alone. A shadow arose beside the _Merry_ , slowly resolving itself into a ship covered by a bubble. The bubble slowly deflated as the ship surfaced. Wake from the newcomer rocked the _Merry_.

Cannons fired. Three harpoons pierced our hull. Cables unwound behind them, binding our ship to the larger one. A crew of pirates stared down at us from the dripping rails. The captain- a large man with dirty blond hair- frowned.

"Jacky! T'ain't no merchant ship ye've found us; t'is just some bloody rookies."

A redhead who appeared to be the first mate slapped a scrawny man in a calico coat. "Idiot. Why'd yew tell us tae come 'ere? We ain't even on de Grand Loin anymore."

"Sorry! Sorry! I thought it'd be a nice vacation! Hit some easy marks, make a nice profit…"

Ace and Zoro moved to cut the cables binding the ships together. Pa-kew! A bullet fired by a man with an eyepatch lodged in our swordsman's shoulder. "Ah-ah-ah! Don't move rookies. The captain'll decide what to do with you soon enough."

The redhead looked us over. His gaze lit on Sabo. "Oi Cap'n! I tink dese are de Straw 'At kids. Dat one dere's de noble."

"Hmm… I bet 'is parents'd pay a pretty beri to get 'im back." The captain grinned. "Mayhap we should return the poor boy to 'is family. What say ye men?"

Above us, the pirates cheered. Ace growled and burst into flame. "You're not taking Sabo!" My oldest brother jumped in front of the rest of us, just like when he'd protected Luffy and I in Grey Terminal.

Except these pirates weren't Bluejam. They were different than anyone we'd ever fought- Hell, their ship could go underwater! Where did they even get something like that? And then what they'd said… These were Grand Line pirates. I looked up at their Jolly Roger. It was a skull with squid tentacles in front of crossed muskets- not one I recognized.

"Ain't ye cute?" The captain sneered at Ace. Then he turned to two of his crew mates. "Jacky, Buze… Get 'em."

"Aye-aye captain!"

Pa-kew! The one with the eye patch fired on Ace. My brother went intangible, but was hit anyway. The bullet was made of the same stuff as Smoker's jitte. Blood poured from Ace's leg as he cursed up a storm.

Leaping to the _Merry_ , the scrawny man in the calico coat transformed. Black, white, and ginger fur covered his skin as his eyes went slitted. His ears became pointed; claws shot from his fingertips. I looked enviously at his long, silky tail.

"Did you eat a Devil Fruit?"

"Of course! Neko Neko no Mi, model calico. They call me Calico Jack."

Cute his transformation may have been, but Calico Jack was no pushover. He kicked me into Kaya before I could blink, tossing Luffy overboard a second later. Usopp dove to save our captain. Jack hit Ace and Zoro in their wounds as they attempted to rush him. I tried to take advantage of the distraction to attack from behind, only to be kicked again, into a wall this time.

And throughout the fight, bullets kept coming down from the one named Buze. Pa-kew! Sanji took a hit that shattered his ankle. Pa-kew! A shot to Ghin's hand caused him to drop one of his tonfa on his foot. Pa-kew! Pa-kew! Luffy- normally bulletproof- had holes in his shoulder and hip. The deck of the _Going Merry_ ran sticky red.

At first I was confused. The strange pirates were doing a lot of damage, but they didn't seem to want to kill us. Then I saw Buze's hands shaking. It wasn't that he was trying to leave us alive- something was preventing him shooting to kill. A familiar pressure built in the air, from two directions this time.

Calico Jack got Sabo from behind while my blond brother deflected bullets away from Coby and Kaya. Steel rang against skull; Sabo had been knocked out with his own pipe. The cat pirate dragged my brother to the other ship faster than you could say Devil Fruit.

The pressure in the air built even more as Ace roared, the emotion punch so wild that, for the first time, it hit our crew. None of us were knocked out, but only Luffy was able to remain standing. The rest of us were driven to our knees. None of the other pirates were unconscious either. They were shaken, but they seemed to have weathered the blast better than us Straw Hats. Unlike usual, the pressure hadn't dissipated after the punch. The air still crackled heavily.

On the other ship, the captain looked surprised. "All the way out _'ere_? In the East Blue?"

"Sir!" Buze shouted, "Somethin's keepin me from killin the brats!"

"Shoot the rudder then! Let 'em drift!"

Buze disappeared for a moment. The redheaded first mate cut the cables between our ships. As the larger ship turned away, Buze reappeared at a cannon.

Krack-ow! Smash!

It wasn't irreparable, but the cannonball did a number on our rudder. I rushed to the helm and tried to turn the _Merry_ , but nothing happened. In my mind, I was replaying the day Sabo had been taken by his father. Ace and Luffy roared. I was crying.

Kaya kept the coolest head. She immediately began removing bullets and stitching wounds, splinting Sanji and Ghin's broken bones. It didn't take her very long. That said, with all the injuries, our crew was in no shape to fight anybody. Not that that stopped any of us from plotting. Ace in particular was livid, while Luffy was sad and broken.

"We need to go after them!" Ace was still releasing pulses of emotional pressure. A lower background level appeared to be coming from Luffy. It gave me a headache. I hit Ace over the head to calm him down. It had the opposite effect.

"What was that for?! Sabo's in danger!" Ace burst into flame.

"I know! But we can't just fight them! We need a plan!"

"There's no time for a plan! And even if there was, _Sabo makes the plans!_ "

The blow- both physical and emotional- sent me reeling. I nearly passed out. Everyone else stared at us, horrified. Ace's expression morphed to match the others' as he realized what he'd done.

"Shit… Blue…" Ace moved to examine the bruise blooming on my cheek. I pushed him away.

"Sabo's not the only one with a brain _Portgas_. And even if we could fight _Grand Line pirates who can nullify Devil Fruits_ , we can't all chase them. The rudder's broken and most of the crew's injured."

I turned to Luffy, though I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes. Nii-chan and Ace had similar ways of doing things; I half-expected him to react as Ace had. My bangs shadowed my face. "Permission to take the _Moon Boat_ and launch a reconnaissance mission _sir?_ "

It was wrong of me to take my anger at Ace out on Luffy. He let out a little gasp of pain when I called him sir. Then…

"My D senses are tingling. You're not just going to look, are you?"

"No sir."

"Does Blue have a plan?"

"Yes sir."

Luffy flinched. "Take whoever you need. Just make sure you come back safe. The rest of us will fix the _Merry_."

"Thanks." I turned and marched over to prep the _Moon Boat_. "Nami, Kaya, Usopp- Let's go."

 **xXx**

The pirates who'd taken Sabo hadn't submerged, so they were easy enough to follow. With Nami's knowledge of weather and currents and my rowing like a madwoman, we slowly caught up to the larger ship. Approaching without being seen was harder. We managed by holding up and undulating a massive sheet of vaguely shiny blue fabric to make the _Moon Boat_ look like part of the ocean.

Our final approach was made under cover of darkness and in total silence. We stuck our boat in the shadow of the large ship's rudder. I left Nami on watch while Kaya, Usopp, and I snuck aboard.

We were all dressed in mottled greys, the better to blend into darkness. To get in we levered one of the gun ports open. It left some damage, but nothing that should be noticeable until morning. We should be gone by then.

It didn't take long to find the brig- we just had to head down. We approached slowly, peering around corners. Ace and Luffy never would've had the patience for that. It paid off though; we saw the two guards before they saw us.

I addressed Usopp in a whisper. "Do you have anything that can take them out without making a noise?"

He made a face. "Nope. Anything I've got with even a _chance_ of taking out a person is loud as Hell. Why couldn't I stay on the boat with Nami?"

"Because you're the sniper. If we have to fight these guys, I want to hit 'em before they get close."

Kaya reached into her clothes. "I may have something Bluejay-san." She pulled out two vials.

"Oro?"

"Part of being a nurse is knowing how to numb pain. These compounds slow the nerves and put people to sleep respectively, though using them together may cause seizures. The challenge will be applying them."

Kaya prepped two needles with both solutions, then moved to step around me. I stopped her. "What are you doing?"

"Forgive me Bluejay-san, but you're barely more subtle than your brothers. Since we can't have Usopp-kun shoot these, we need someone with a more delicate touch."

I sighed. "Fine. But be careful. Usopp, cover her."

Our sniper moved to protest as Kaya stepped around me. I covered his mouth, a finger to my lips. We watched with baited breath as our nurse rounded the corner… and disappeared.

It was the strangest thing. Usopp and I knew exactly where Kaya had to be, but we could barely see her. Her steps were totally silent. Neither of the guards noticed her at all. Two slivers of silver flashed in the dimness, then the guards stiffened and fell.

"Who's there?" Sabo's voice echoed from his cell. Usopp and I rushed forwards.

"Sabo-nii, are you alright?"

"Blue? Usopp? Kaya?" Sabo looked around. "Who else is here? I haven't heard anything."

"Just Nami on the _Moon Boat_." I flinched. "Ace and I had a… disagreement about how to rescue you." I pulled out my lock picks and got to work on the cell door.

"I can imagine. He and Luffy wouldn't have the patience for this." Then Sabo saw my face. "Did Ace hit you?"

"Yeah. Don't think he's ever done it so hard. He was really mad."

"But you were right." Sabo sighed. "That temper of his will cause more trouble than Lu someday."

The door clicked open. Usopp handed Sabo a mottled cloak like the rest of us wore. We snuck back the way we'd come in, climbing out the gun port. As we prepared to leave though, Nami brought up a good point.

"How will we keep them from coming back?"

I looked to Usopp. "How much damage do your Gunpowder Stars do?"

"Not enough to sink a ship!" Sabo had to hit our sniper over the head to remind him to be quiet.

"One wouldn't, no. But what if we placed a number of them along the waterline and then detonated them simultaneously?"

Nami shook her head. "You're _way_ too good at this for a fourteen year old."

Sabo beamed proudly and ruffled my hair. "That's my li'l sis- if brawn doesn't work, use your brain. Too bad we can't convince Ace and Lu of that."

Usopp had twenty Gunpowder Stars on him. It was Sabo who swam along the side of the ship, placing the explosive packets just above the water. He connected them with strings of oil-soaked thread so fire would spread from one to the next. Once he was back in the boat, we rowed as far away as we could without compromising Usopp's aim.

"Fire Star!" A flaming wad flew across the distance, striking the Gunpowder Star nearest the ship's rudder. The result was a series of small explosions that blew little holes in the wood. Until…

Po-ka! Ka-ka-ka-boom!

Orange lit up the sky. One of the Gunpowder Stars had been on the side of the armoury. Barrels of gunpowder ignited and blew the pirates from the Grand Line sky high.

Sabo shuddered; I hugged him from behind. "Sorry Sabo-nii. I forgot it might do that."

"No, it's okay. At least I wasn't on board this time."

We began to make our way back to the _Merry_. There were no pursuers. As we rowed, I questioned Kaya about what happened on the ship. "Back in the brig… How'd you disappear like that? Did you eat a Devil Fruit?"

"No." Kaya smiled. "I'm just good at not drawing attention Bluejay-san. Since I've been sick for so long, the only way I could go outside was sneaking around Merry-san at night. And even before that, I often went out to play in the forest without my parents' knowledge. I'm _very_ good at not being seen."

"I wish I could do that." Usopp rubbed his nose. Sabo nodded.

"Stealth's a useful skill. Blue was right to bring you guys; we wouldn't have escaped if we'd followed Ace-Lu Plan A."

"What's Ace-Lu Plan A?" Nami wanted to know.

"Leave no ass un-kicked."

Humming my agreement, I poked my brother with my foot. "Sabo-nii, did you overhear anything good while those guys had you? Why were they so strong?"

"Sorry Blue, I didn't hear anything useful. Just that they'd been a fair distance down the Grand Line and were on something of a vacation." Sabo sighed. "I wish I'd gotten a bounty like Ace and Lu. They might've left us alone if they didn't think they could ransom me."

"Don't worry Sabo-nii. I'm sure you'll get a bounty soon."

 **xXx**

When we approached the _Merry_ , we saw that the rudder had been fixed- by Ghin and Coby most likely. Luffy was there at the rail to greet us and help us haul the _Moon Boat_ aboard.

"You got Sabo back! Was anyone hurt?"

"No, we're all fine." I grinned darkly. "Those pirates won't be bothering anyone else any time soon. We blew up their ship."

"Unintentionally," Sabo added. "We were trying to prevent them from following us and accidentally hit their armoury."

"Okay!" Luffy wound his arms around Sabo several times. "Don't get kidnapped again, ne? It makes Ace and Blue fight."

"So I saw."

I rubbed the bruise on my face, then turned and marched off to the girls' room. Not that I ever slept there. No, I wanted to see if Nami or Kaya had anything that would hide my bruise. They didn't.

Ace approached me a few hours later, while I was on watch. "Blue… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Snip. Snip. Snip. I didn't even look up from the royal blue fabric I was cutting. "If I was a normal girl you'd've taken my head off. What if you'd hit Nami or Kaya? They're not used to being beaten up by superhuman older brothers."

My brother winced. "I know. Look, I'm really sorry… It's just, with Sabo taken again, I freaked out."

"You think you're the only one?!" I snapped. "Just because I'm not as strong as you, just because I don't do as much damage, you think I wasn't freaking out too?!"

"But you seemed so rational…"

"Because I had to be! Sabo-nii was gone, you and Nii-chan got hurt… _I_ was the one who had to do something. A full-on attack like you wanted would've gotten us all killed."

"I can only say I'm sorry so many times Blue." Ace pulled a jar of something yellow out of his leg pouch and handed it to me. "Here. Kaya made it; she thinks it'll help your face heal faster."

"My face doesn't hurt." I glared up at my brother. "Your lack of faith in me is what hurts. Sabo-nii isn't the only one who can make plans. I'm the youngest- that doesn't mean I'm an idiot."

"Sorry…" Ace took his hat off and ran a hand through his hair. "I didn't mean to come off that way. You're smart; I've always known that. I'm just not used to my baby sister taking charge like that."

"Well, get used to it." I had all the pieces I needed. Setting aside my scissors, I grabbed a needle and thread. I pricked my finger as I started sewing.

Uninvited, Ace sat down beside me. I tried to edge away, but there was nowhere in the crow's nest that he couldn't reach. Warm arms wrapped around me and pulled me into his chest. "What can I do to get you to forgive me?"

"I'll think about it."

Ace played with my ponytail as I continued to sew. I tried to ignore him; it was difficult. "What're you making?"

"A dress for Sabo-nii. Nami's gonna do his makeup." The look on Ace's face when I told him that was priceless.


	10. A Whale of a Tale

A storm caught us as we sailed towards Reverse Mountain. It was one of the worst I could remember- almost as bad as the one that had ripped the roof off our treehouse when my brothers and I were little. Unlike back then, Luffy didn't whimper and cry. Instead he bounced around through the rain, relaying instructions from Nami as to how to best ride out the storm.

It probably helped that he now knew lightning couldn't hurt rubber.

"Blue! Secure the flag before it's torn off!"

I complied, though I doubted that was our biggest problem at the moment. Rain poured into my eyes as I climbed the mast. With or without my glasses, I couldn't see. Wood and rope were slippery under my hands and feet. My oiled cloak did little to keep me dry as the wind whipped water everywhere, though it did help keep my hat from blowing away.

Swollen ropes don't tend to take knots well. It took me several tries to secure the flag. Once I was done, I slid down the mast like a fire pole, landing in front of Luffy with a thud.

"Flag secure Nii-chan!"

Luffy grunted acknowledgement as he hauled on a line. He didn't seem to know what he wanted me to do next, so I ran to check the safety tethers. All nine were good. Sabo and I had opted not to tie ourselves down- me because I kept having to climb up into the rigging, and Sabo-nii because he was the best swimmer. If someone else _did_ go over in the storm, Sabo was the one with the best chance of rescuing them.

"Ah!" Usopp was having trouble with the cannon. It slid and rolled as the _Merry_ was tossed on the waves. I ran to help him tie it down.

"Thanks!" I could barely hear our sniper's voice over the roar of the wind.

"No problem!"

Lightning forked across the sky. I flinched at the thunderous noise that followed. Hopefully there would be a lighthouse at Reverse Mountain, otherwise we would run aground. Although with our luck it wouldn't be so much a lighthouse as a lantern in a fisherman's window. I hummed grimly.

 _We followed your tiny red light_

 _Said the man_

 _Til it vanished from sight_

 _On the rocks are ships ran…_

Twin splashes, one after the other, were barely audible over the sounds of the storm. I raced to the starboard side and threw a rope over. Sabo climbed up a moment later, hauling a limp Ace. The charred remains of his safety tether were still wrapped around Ace-nii's waist. His hand spontaneously burst into flame, giving me an idea what had happened.

"I'll put him inside!" Sabo yelled in my ear. "He's just a liability out here!"

"Okay! I'll keep an eye on everyone for a few minutes!"

Nami was worrying at the helm when I slid over to check on her. "This storm's driving us too far south! We'll end up in the Calm Belt if it doesn't let up!"

"Is that bad?" I made a futile attempt to wipe water away from my eyes.

"Yeah, it's bad!"

"Is there anything we can do to stop it?"

"Not unless someone can control the weather!"

Snap! Something broke on the main deck; Zoro cursed. I skidded through ankle-deep water as I raced to grab one end of the snapped line. The first mate had the other. Between the two of us we managed to get both ends tied off, though we would need to splice that line later.

"This is insane!"

"I know! But it can't last forever! Just hold on!"

 **xXx**

The _Merry_ rocked gently. I groaned, not wanting to open my eyes. The storm had exhausted the entire crew, leaving us sleeping sprawled on the deck as soon as it was over. Even the ankle-deep water couldn't discourage us.

Someone soft and warm was breathing beneath me. It didn't feel like one of my brothers- too small to be Ace or Sabo, not squishy enough to be Luffy. I didn't think it was Nami or Kaya either. Their chests would've felt like boobs, not muscles.

Eh, who cared? Whoever it was, they were warm and comfy. We were all family here anyways.

Kaya giggled somewhere to my left. "Usopp, look. Aren't they cute?"

"Huh? Yeah, yeah, they always- Holy crap! That's the most adorable thing ever! Too bad Ace and Sabo are gonna flip."

Sabo yawned from the opposite direction. "What are you yelling about Usopp?"

"Nothing! Certainly nothing involving your sister! Please don't kill anyone!"

I hugged whoever I was lying on, trying to bury my face in their chest. Why wouldn't everyone _shut up?_ I was tired, soaked, and freezing- all I wanted was to _sleep!_

"Um… Bluejay-san?" Coby's voice wasn't far from my head. "Could you please let go of me? I think Sabo-san is about to explode."

"He won't attack as long as I'm in the way of your vital organs." So saying, I spread myself out more so I was covering Coby completely, protecting him from assault by pipe. Sabo whined.

"Blue, you're too young to date!"

"Not dating. _Sleeping._ " I raised my head to glare at Sabo-nii. "You never have a problem when I do this with you, Ace, or Nii-chan."

"Because we're your brothers. We won't do… _things_."

"And neither will Coby, so _shut up_."

Sighing, Sabo relented. Before I could go back to sleep though, Nami's panicked voice rang out across the ship.

"Ah! Everyone, get up! We've gotta get out of here! All hands to the oars!"

"Oro?" I rolled off Coby, much to his relief. Nami paused in her yelling to explain.

"It's like I said last night- we were blown into the Calm Belt. We need to head north quick."

The _Going Merry_ shook. Our crew paused in our run for the oars to look over the side. Usopp screamed.

A massive sea king had risen from the water, lifting our ship on its nose. All around us were other sea kings of various sizes. None of them appeared to have noticed us. Yet.

"It's a nest," Luffy breathed. "Awesome!"

Ghin was turning a curious shade of grey. I think it had something to do with the Krieg Pirates' return from the Grand Line. They'd probably had to row through the Calm Belt or something.

"Nami's right, Don Luffy. We should get out of here before they notice us."

"Okay. How?" Luffy shot Ghin a confused look. Our resident adult didn't have an answer.

Ace popped of the ASLB cabin with a yawn. "Ah! Morning. What's everyone shouting about?"

I looked from Ace to Sabo. "Can we Sabo-nii? It's an emergency."

After a moment's thought, my blond brother nodded. "Alright. Just try to come up with a way to stop us without capsizing."

Luffy bounced over, landing with his legs wrapped around Sabo's shoulders. "My D senses are tingling!" he announced.

"Yep." I grinned. "Ace-nii, to the stern. Nami, Sanji, point us where we need to go."

"Okay…" Ace took his position skeptically.

"Of course Blue-chan!"

"If you say so… What are we doing?" Right, Nami hadn't been with us last time.

Everyone grabbed tight to the rails, except Luffy, who wrapped himself around the figurehead. I hugged the mast.

"Fire!"

Whoosh! The entire _Going Merry_ shot forwards off the sea king's head. We soared through the sky with great speed. I watched the water carefully. Sure enough, the water changed colour as we left the Calm Belt, becoming darker and less green. I immediately shouted to my brothers.

"That's enough Ace-nii! Nii-chan, wrap your hands and feet around the rails and stretch yourself out as big as you can! Like a sail!"

As soon as the flames guttered out, our ship started to fall. A loud snap filled the air. Luffy spread out above the _Merry_ , catching the air and slowing our fall- a rubber parachute. He made faces as we drifted down.

"This's really uncomfortable."

"Sorry Nii-chan. I'll make a canvas one so you don't have to do it again."

Nami looked green. "You're planning to do this again?"

"Why not? It gets us places fast." I picked my nose. "Wish I could figure out how to steer in mid-air though. Maybe I could do something with the cannon?" I edged towards the aforementioned weapon.

Luffy flinched. "Don't try it while I'm up here! This feels weird enough!"

"Fine." I pouted and backed away from the cannon.

Splash! The _Merry_ settled into the water relatively gently. Luffy fluttered to the deck while the rest of us raised the sails. He spent a few minutes lying there like a red rubber pancake before pulling himself back into humanoid shape. As soon as he did so, his eternal smile popped back on.

"Okay! Where to next?"

Nami pulled out a map and put it on the galley table for us to see. "We need to adjust our course west-north-west to Reverse Mountain, but after that I'm not sure. It's supposed to be the entrance to the Grand Line, but how? It's a mountain."

I grinned. "Looks like I need to put Sabo's dress on hold and get to work on that parachute."

Zoro blinked. "Wait… If we're gonna fly in anyway, why not just fly over the Calm Belt? I'd rather land on water than rocks."

"No!" Luffy slammed a fist down on the table, startling everybody. "We've gotta go through the mystery mountain! It's cooler that way!"

Ace and Sabo looked at each other, eyes wide. I shared their panic. All three of us were currently seeing a disturbing resemblance. I ran and hugged Sabo from behind.

"Sabo-nii! Nii-chan's reminding me of Grandpa! Make him stop!"

My oldest brothers both turned and clubbed Luffy over the head. "Just because something looks cooler doesn't mean it's the best way to do things."

"If you start busting through walls instead of using the door, I'll burn your hat."

"Shishishi… Oops." Luffy rubbed the back of his head. "Do I really look that much like Gramps?"

"Yes." All three of us answered in unison, sweatdropping. A blue pall appeared around Luffy.

"Ne… Usopp?"

"Yeah?"

"I wanna get hair dye in the next port. Would blond make me look like Blue and Sabo?"

Ace facepalmed. "That's not what makes you look like Gramps."

"And there's no way a baboon like you could look like cute little Blue-chan anyways," Sanji felt the need to put in. I growled and kicked him in the face.

"I'm not cute!" My assault made Zoro laugh.

Sabo tapped his pipe on the table. "Focus please. Nami, do you think you can figure out how Reverse Mountain works by the time we get there?"

"Probably."

"Okay. Blue, can you get the parachute done for then?"

"Not without help. Does anyone else know how to sew?"

Usopp and Ghin raised their hands. I was surprised. Neither of them seemed the type for needlework, not counting Ghin's thing for tattoos. And apparently labelling, if the new ink on Ace's arm was any indication. If Ghin tried to write _my_ name on _me_ anywhere I'd stab him with my knitting needles.

 **xXx**

We got the parachute done just as Reverse Mountain came into sight. It was a massive grey thing with, at Luffy's insistence, the Straw Hat Jolly Roger painted in the middle. The parachute was far larger than my brother could've stretched in that shape. I wondered if I could find a way to use it to make the _Merry_ fly for real.

Nami called everyone into the galley. "Alright, I think I've got it figured out. The current we're riding joins with a few others that ram into the Red Line. Most of them go under, but one goes into a channel and actually has enough momentum to flow up the mountain. At the top there's another channel that flows down into the Grand Line."

Most of us got it, to some extent or another, though Luffy just stared blankly. Since our captain wasn't saying anything, our first mate took charge.

"So… Who wants to go over the mystery mountain and who wants to try out the parachute?" Zoro rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. Sabo smiled.

"Don't be so nervous Zoro; you're doing fine."

Everyone voted to try the new parachute- even Nami. Whether it was because we preferred the danger we knew or because we were starting to enjoy flight, I couldn't say. At least, not for anyone else. I personally loved flying via Ace-rocket.

We tied the parachute to eight rings Usopp had installed on the _Merry_ 's rails, bundling the fabric by the mast. Nami and Sanji aimed our ship while Ace got into position. I looked at Nami's map, trying to figure out how far we needed to fly. My head started to ache.

"Sabo-nii! I need help!"

"What's wrong?"

"Physics for me!" I demanded, shoving the map in my brother's face. "I can't figure out what angle or how long Ace-nii needs to fire."

"Just a moment." Sabo grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled down a short series of calculations. He positioned himself next to Ace and pointed at a specific point on the water.

"Right there Ace. Thirty seconds."

"On it. Hold on tight."

Whoosh! The _Going Merry_ launched into the air, trailing fire and steam. Luffy laughed from the figurehead.

"This is awesome!"

Zoro grinned and elbowed Coby. "Bet you'd never get to do this in the marines."

"Probably not." Coby was gripping the rails so hard his hands turned white, but he was smiling.

We soared through the air for several minutes, upwards and forwards. Shortly after we reached the zenith of our arch, Sabo shouted a set of instructions. "Ace, fire another blast straight backwards- thirty seconds. Blue, release the parachute as soon as he's done."

The _Merry_ shot forwards. Wind made my eyes sting and from the looks of it, I wasn't the only one. We'd reached a ridiculous speed. The Calm Belt was wide enough that even with a good wind, crossing it would take about two days. Our giant Ace-rocket would have it covered in a few hours.

Flames guttered out. I tossed the parachute into the air, where it immediately caught the wind. Our descent slowed; forwards momentum stayed more or less the same. Sabo had Ace fire another blast, ten seconds this time, to make sure we kept our speed.

Reverse Mountain was on our right. I looked down at its current channels and shuddered. They were so narrow, and the water was moving so quickly… If we'd taken that route and anything had gone wrong, we'd have been smashed to pieces.

With a few hours to kill before landing, I went back to work on Sabo's dress. Coby came over to sit by me. He kept shooting nervous glances at my brothers, as if he was worried they would attack him. It was funny to watch; Coby's hair was getting long and kept getting in his eyes, so every glance was followed by him shaking his head.

"I can cut it if it's bothering you."

"Huh?" Cue Coby's glorious response.

"Your hair. I can cut it if the length bothers you. I do Nii-chan's all the time."

Coby shot a look at Luffy's messy black locks and shook his head. "No thank you Bluejay-san. I'll ask Kaya-san later. Right now I'm more worried about what Ace-san and Luffy-san are planning."

"Why would they be planning anything?"

Wide green eyes stared at me in disbelief. "You mean they _won't_ be angry that you slept on me last night?"

I nodded absently, stitching two bodice panels together. "Oh, they'll be furious, assuming Sabo-nii tells them. He won't though. Sabo-nii's the sensible one. Besides, they know I don't sleep well alone, none of us do, so they'll know it wasn't your fault."

"Maybe a logical person would," Coby muttered fearfully.

"Nah, my brothers are usually pretty good about who's at fault. Survival tactic from dealing with Gramps- never allow someone to take the blame for something they didn't do. Helped minimize the Fists of Love."

"That's another thing. You, Ace-san, Sabo-san, and Luffy-san are all monsters. Ace-san said your grandfather was a marine, but that doesn't explain why you're so scared of him. Who is he?"

I shuddered. "Pray you never meet him to find out."

 **xXx**

We were getting close to landing when Usopp started yelling from the crow's nest. "Abort! Abort! There's a big, black… thingy in the middle of the Twin Capes! We're gonna crash!"

Ghin looked at Ace with amusement. "Thingy?"

Ace-nii nodded. "Thingy."

Sabo raced to the bow to check it out. Soon he was shouting frantic instructions. "Ace, we need a two second blast from the center of the starboard rail! Blue, Coby, Zoro, bring in the parachute in as fast as you can! Sanji, Ghin, help me with the sails!"

You know, sometimes it felt like, despite the vote, we had three captains instead of one. Maybe we should've just been the Cool Hat Pirates? Except Nii-chan was the one with the biggest bounty and biggest dream, so having him as captain made sense.

The _Going Merry_ shunted sideways before stalling and falling with a- crunch? I was pretty sure the ocean wasn't supposed to go crunch. Looking down, I saw the wreckage of a small boat floating around us. We'd landed on some sort of fishing vessel.

Two head popped up- a woman with blue hair and a man with weird makeup like the number nine under his eyes. Luffy stretched to pull them out of the water before they could even shout at us.

"Who're you?"

"We should be asking you that!" Oh cool, more people who could do the shark tooth thing like Nami. "How the Hell'd your ship fall out of the sky like that?"

"Shishishi! I know, cool right? We used Ace as a rocket!"

"Looks like it's a good thing we didn't go over the mountain," Sanji commented, taking a drag on his cigarette. "That black thing's in the way."

Kaya squinted at it. "Is that a whale? It's enormous."

"And it'll feed our village for a year!" The two strangers jumped up and pulled bazookas out of nowhere. Before they could do anything, Luffy clubbed them over the head, sending them sprawling on the deck.

"Leave the whale alone! Can't you hear him crying?"

The rest of us were confused. As far as we could hear, the whale wasn't making any noise. It did _look_ sad though. The whale's eyes were droopy; its head was covered in scars. There were strange metal hatches and patches on its flanks, as if someone had performed some sort of bizarre veterinary procedure.

"Bwao!" When the whale eventually did cry, it was loud and haunting. It reminded me a little of Ace when we first met, back before he and Sabo had saved Luffy and I. Back then Ace had such lonely eyes.

Ba-wham! Ba-wham! The whale began ramming its head into Reverse Mountain. The resulting waves rocked the _Merry_. Trails of blood appeared in the water.

One of the hatches on the whale's flank opened. A small island floated out- complete with cottage and palm tree. As the island approached the whale's head, a giant flower began shouting.

Oh wait, that was a man. My bad. I needed to clean my glasses.

"Calm down Laboon! Please stop doing this to yourself! What would Brook say if he saw you like this?"

"Bo-ah." The whale- Laboon- calmed down. Then both he and the flower-man noticed the _Going Merry_.

"Beh?"

"Who are you kids? How did you get here?"

"Shishishi! We flew!" Luffy bounced excitedly. The flower-man shot him a dubious look.

"You expect me to believe you flew over the Calm Belt?"

"Yep! Ace threw fire off the back, then whoosh! And Blue's parachute kept us up til we got to the right spot!"

Sabo smacked Luffy upside the head. "Introduce yourself properly Lu."

"Oh! Right!" Luffy grinned at the flower man. "I'm Monkey D Luffy, and I'm gonna be king of the pirates!"

Flower-man nodded. "And my name is Crocus." Then his eyes narrowed. "That hat… Boy, where did you get it?"

"Shanks gave it to me! Do you know him?"

"I sailed with him when I was a ship's doctor." Crocus smiled fondly. "Of course, back then he was just a cabin boy. Little scamp ended up in the infirmary at least once a week."

Luffy looked like he was about to explode from excitement. He wanted to hear stories about Shanks. I grabbed onto him before he could rocket over and tackle Crocus. "Nii-chan, no glomping non-family people. They can't always handle it."

"Oops. Sorry."

Ace joined us at the rail and waved at Laboon. "The whale- why's he going after the mountain like that?"

"Ah. Poor Laboon." Crocus shook his head. "He's been here with me for the better part of fifty years. A pirate crew left him here- he was just little at the time, too small to travel the Grand Line. They promised to come back for him, but they never did."

My brothers and I winced. Ace's hat shadowed his eyes. "So they died then."

"I'm afraid it's worse than that. Though they are surely dead by now, they didn't die on the Grand Line. They fled through the Calm Belt and never reappeared."

Sabo gripped his pipe so tightly his fingers turned white; Ace burst into flame. Behind me, Zoro growled. Luffy looked grim. None of us knew what to say.

At least, until Luffy grabbed the back of my shirt and jumped into the air. I yelled in surprise and tried to kick him. "Nii-chan, what are you doing?"

"Shishishi! We're gonna fight the whale!"

"What?!"

Luffy threw me at Laboon, launching a Gomu-Gomu no Pistol with his other hand. Nii'chan's fist smacked the whale in the eye. I flipped in the air, landing on all fours on Laboon's bloody head. One of my feet planted on a huge abrasion.

"Sorry bud." I jumped sideways onto some undamaged skin before yelling at my brother. "Don't just throw me into things! I don't wanna fight a whale!"

It was too late. Laboon roared, almost throwing me off. I dug my fingers into scar tissue to hold on. The whale shook himself violently, then slammed Luffy into a cliff with his tail. Had it been Sabo squished in such a way, I would've been worried and angry. But the rubber-head would be alright.

"Calm down," I told Laboon. "Nii-chan wouldn't hurt you for no reason. He must have a plan."

"Bu-wah!" Laboon responded by rolling over and putting me under water. I kept my hold. If I'd let go I was sure to be crushed by the thrashing behemoth. Unfortunately I forgot that whales can hold their breath much longer than humans. Blackness crept in from the edges of my vision.

 **xXx**

The sound of metal slamming into rubber was the first thing I heard on my journey back to consciousness. It was accompanied by Sabo's voice.

"Idiot! Don't drag Blue into your crazy schemes, she has enough of her own! What would you've done if she got hit like you? Just because she doesn't feel pain doesn't make her rubber!"

"Oops…"

"Do you think she needs mouth to mouth?" That was Sanji, sounding more worried than eager, thankfully.

"Touch my sister's lips and I'll set your ass on fire." And there was Ace.

Someone small and warm leaned over to check my breathing, pressing gently on my chest. Delicate fingers- Kaya. I coughed. It didn't take long for the water to start clearing from my lungs.

"No Sanji-san, Bluejay-san wil be fine without mouth to mouth. Someone help me sit her up; it might help her breath."

Warm, solid, muscular- Zoro. The swordsman patted me on the back, holding me up with one hand. It felt like he was trying to burp a baby. It did help me cough the water out though. My lungs burned. I cracked my eyes opened and leaned back against Zoro's chest.

"Thanks Shrubbery."

"Don't thank me. Sabo got you out."

"Yeah, but he's done that before. Never had anyone help me get the water out though. They're usually more worried about Nii-chan that way."

Sabo looked like he wanted to drown. "I never thought you needed it."

"I don't, but it's still nice."

Looking around, I saw Usopp and Ghin climbing about on Laboon's head, painting something. They appeared to be using one of Nii-chan's drawings as a reference- a drawing that they were obviously trying to improve on.

"What's going on up there?"

Ace sighed. "Lu wanted Ghin to give the whale a tattoo. They convinced him it would take too long, so he told them to paint our flag on Laboon instead."

"Why?"

"Shishishi!" Luffy bounced in place. "Cause then the whale can't bash his head or he'll break the picture. I promised him that if he didn't break our Jolly Roger, we'd come back and spar with him again."

"If we do, you're doing it yourself. I don't wanna be drowned by a whale again."

Luffy pouted. "Fine."

Off to one side, Crocus was teaching Nami how to use our log pose. Hopefully it wouldn't get broken- we only had the one. All I heard was that there were a number of routes through the Grand Line and we were going to have to pick which one to take.

The two strangers whose boat we'd destroyed were starting to wake up. Luffy was standing over them in an instant. They flinched. Nii-chan was frowning, emphasizing his resemblance to Grandpa in his displeasure.

"You can't hurt the whale; Laboon's my friend. We'll take you home though, since we're the ones who broke your boat."

"…Thanks…" The strangers sounded like Nii-chan was pulling their teeth.

"Who are you anyway?" That was Zoro. He and Ace shot the strangers suspicious looks.

"I'm Mr Nine, the prince of Whiskey Peak."

"And I'm Miss Wednesday."

A flicker of recognition crossed Zoro's face. It was gone quickly. I wondered what he knew about these strangers, why their names were familiar to him. Were they bounty hunters?

Once Usopp and Ghin had finished painting Laboon, we prepared to set out. Crocus stopped us before we left. His eyes were fixed on Ace.

"You boy, with the orange hat. I think I knew your parents."

Ace-nii's face went hard. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really? Because I sailed on the _Oro Jackson_ and you look just like Ro-"

"My father's name is Monkey D Dragon," Ace interrupted. "He's a bit of an ass- left me to more or less raise the midgets, since Gramps was shit at it- but he's the only father I'll acknowledge, whatever you think of my blood."

"I see." Crocus looked sad. "My mistake. Well, you look enough like Dragon that no one will question it, I suppose. It's too bad though; I would've liked to meet the captain's son."

A confused look came over Ace as we sailed away. He leaned against the rail in a daze. I went and asked Sabo about it. Apparently it was the first time Ace-nii had met an adult with a positive response to Gol D Roger having a son.


	11. Under the Cactus Rocks

**A/N: This episode brought to you by Nakama Tattoos, a product first popularized by the Whitebeard pirates.**

Weather on the Grand Line, we quickly discovered, was no laughing matter. A day that started bright and sunny could quickly start to hail, going through snow to freezing rain back to sun in a matter of hours. Most of the crew was frantic at the near constant adjustments we had to make for the weather; Zoro slept through them. I felt strangely at home in the erratic weather. Maybe the place I'd been born was like that.

The day of our first encounter with a Grand Line storm, Ace and Ghin disappeared into the men's cabin for some time. When they came out, Ace wore bandages wrapped around his torso instead of his shirt.

"What happened in there?" Sanji asked with a raised eyebrow. Ghin snorted.

"Don Ace wanted another tattoo. It's bigger than last time, so it'll take a while to heal. Not as long as it should though; the Dons heal fast."

I flipped back so I was hanging upside-down in the rigging. "It's because we're so used to getting hurt. If we didn't heal fast we would've died years ago. So, what did Ace-nii get this time? Something more interesting than his name, hopefully?"

"Personalized version of the flag." Ghin stepped out of the way as Ace keeled over, causing my narcoleptic brother to end up draped over a barrel. "He wanted our Jolly Roger surrounded by flames. Takes up his whole back." Our resident adult chuckled. "We went through three needles cause he kept going intangible."

Tumbling down from my place in the rigging, I pulled out a marker and started doodling on Ace-nii's face. "Could I get one too?"

Ghin blinked at me. "One what?"

"Tattoo of our Jolly Roger, but with a blue bird perched on it."

Ace twitched in his sleep. The movement seemed to make Ghin nervous. "Sorry Donna. You're too young to get one without your guardian's permission."

"But we're pirates!" I protested. Ghin shot a significant look at my unconscious brother.

"And we're sailing on the same ship as your three older brothers who love you to pieces. I'd rather not get my ass set on fire for giving you a tattoo without their permission."

"Fine." I closed my marker with a snap. "Let's go ask Nii-chan then. _He's_ the captain, so he gets final say."

The rest of the crew chuckled as I dragged Ghin up to the figurehead, where Luffy was sitting. I knocked on the wood to get Nii-chan's attention.

"Ne? What's up Blue?"

"Ace-nii just got a tattoo of our Jolly Roger. Can I get one too?"

Luffy picked his nose. "Sure! Sounds cool; I'll get one to! You didn't need to ask me though."

"Ghin said he wouldn't do it unless you said it was okay because he didn't want you, Ace-nii, and Sabo-nii getting mad at him."

"Pfft! Silly Ghin! We're pirates to be free; Blue doesn't need to ask for something like _this_."

The tattoo artist gave an apologetic smile. It turned into a resigned one as Luffy grabbed the two of us and bounced to the men's cabin, determined to get the tattoos done right away. I felt sorry for Ghin. He'd just lost three needles to living fire and now he had to work with rubber.

Nii-chan just got our Jolly Roger as it was, spread across his back. I got mine on my left shoulder. We bandaged each other like when we were little. Just as we were getting ready to leave, Zoro came in. He looked awkwardly at Ghin.

"Sorry to bother you. Could you do our flag, but with three swords? Two behind, one in its mouth."

And so began the Straw Hat tradition of getting nakama tattoos. The guys got theirs on their backs, except Ghin. He didn't trust anyone else with his equipment, so he made his mark on his left arm like us girls.

Coby's tattoo had a pink starburst around it. A blue dragon ringed Sabo's. Nami had Ghin add a tiny Jolly Roger to her existing mark. The skull on Usopp's back had crossed slingshots behind it, while Kaya's had crossed needles. Sanji's mark had curly eyebrows and appeared to be surrounded by spilled spices. The tattoo Ghin gave himself had horns and a barbed tail.

It was a pity that Ace was the only one who felt the need to show off his tattoos at all times. I would've liked to see a guy who wasn't my brother running around shirtless. From the way Kaya kept looking at Usopp, I wasn't the only one.

Coby in particular was looking gradually more appealing. The new haircut Kaya had given him was roughly layered; he'd taken to keeping the more unruly bits out of his face with a green bandanna. Our little marine wannabe also appeared to be going through a growth spurt- he was almost caught up to Luffy and I in height. It definitely helped that D family combat training was treating him well.

Nami started teasing me when she saw the glances I was shooting Coby. I huffed and ignored her, but inwardly chided myself. Bad Blue- no crushing on crew members. It would mess up teamwork, not to mention the headaches that would result if my brothers found out.

 **xXx**

The strangers we were transporting kept themselves apart from the crew as much as they could until we got to their island. Not that we minded. While Nii-chan trusted them not to do anything, the rest of us were suspicious. As soon as we arrived at Whiskey Peak the odd pair disappeared with a wink and a cheeky "Bye-bye baby!"

My first instinct was to follow these odd people and see what they were doing, but I didn't get a chance. As soon as the _Merry_ landed, we were surrounded by happy townsfolk. It was confusing and suspicious. We were pirates; no one should be happy to see us unless we'd previously saved them from something.

"Yay! Pirates!"

"So cool!"

"It's Straw Hat and Fire Fist! I didn't know they were that cute!"

"Their boat's adorable!"

A tall man with elaborately curled hair stepped to the forefront. The crowd calmed as he cleared his throat. "Mi mi mi mi! Welcome, Straw Hat Pirates, to the party town of Whiskey Peak! Your arrival is cause for celebration! Please relax and join the night's festivities; any questions you may have can wait until the morrow."

I frowned. This sounded suspicious. Sabo caught my eye and nodded slightly. Good; I wasn't the only one who thought something was wrong here.

Ace walked up behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Remember Blue, you're too young to drink." Normally Ace-nii didn't care about that (Pirates, duh!), but the words were accompanied by a gentle squeeze. It was my responsibility to stay sober and warn the crew if these weird townsfolk tried something.

Trap or not, Whiskey Peak knew how to throw a party. We'd barely left the docks when the sound of a jazz band filled the air. The town, as we entered, was filled with multi-coloured lights. It smelled of barbecue and fruit. The party itself took place in the town's massive bar.

Zoro and Nami immediately got pulled into drinking contests. Ace-nii ended up pretty deep in his cups too but, like Luffy and Sabo, he was more interested in food. A crowd of women surrounded Sanji, while Usopp and Kaya ended up telling stories to a group of awestruck children. Ghin was soon intoxicated, laughing and dancing an awkward hornpipe with a couple of fishermen. His fear of the Grand Line appeared to be vanishing; that was good. Off in a corner, Coby was turning bright red while talking to a local girl.

As for me, I drifted around the edges of the party. Alcohol was out (not that it ever appealed to me much) and I _don't_ dance. I drifted past the buffet table every once in a while, but I was too tense to eat much. The more I saw, the more certain I was that this town was a trap.

A few local boys tried to approach and flirt with me. The first was hit accidentally-on-purpose when Ace-nii decided to try and use his powers to make fireworks; his friends were scared off by weird looks from Sabo-nii and Nii-chan. I didn't mind; town boys were boring and it saved me the trouble of getting rid of them myself.

Not that I wouldn't do the same in my brothers' shoes. Anyone who tried to worm their way into my family's hearts without proving themselves was going _down_.

One by one, my crew mates passed into unconsciousness and sleep, usually from alcohol or nosebleeds. I faked tiredness and curled up on top of Ace, pretending to go to sleep. My actions prompted muttering about adorableness and overly attached siblings. That soon dissolved into more interesting whispers.

"Man, can those kids put away the booze or what?"

"Did we really need to roll out the whole welcome wagon for these brats? They don't look like much."

"The captain and his brother are worth thirty million and twenty million respectively. It was necessary."

"You sure? They don't look like they're worth that much. Maybe the marines made a mistake?"

"It's possible I guess. We'll find out when we try to hand them in." The door clicked closed, muffling the speakers. I opened my eyes. So did Zoro.

Huh. So he'd only been faking being drunk.

"They're bounty hunters," Zoro whispered as we searched for a back door. "It's an organization called Baroque Works; tried to recruit me about a year ago. I turned 'em down."

"So that's why you recognized Mr Nine and Miss Wednesday's names."

"Yeah."

We climbed up onto the roof to spy on the bounty hunters- not that there was much worth listening to. They were just planning how to go about handing us over to the marines. I yawned and poked Zoro. "This is boring. Can we announce ourselves and beat them up already?"

"Works for me." Zoro tied his bandanna on his head and drew his swords. "Oi! Baroque Works idiots! A true swordsman never drinks himself into a stupor!"

The bounty hunters freaked out. They attacked us all at once, surrounding us. Zoro smirked around _Wado_ 's hilt.

"Watch yourself Blue. I'm not used to having a partner."

"Worry about your own targets Shrubbery."

At first I tried to fight back-to-back with Zoro like I would have with Ace. It wasn't a good idea though. His Tatsumaki technique nearly sent me flying when I tried to stay too close. I wasn't about to complain though; the momentum put extra force behind my next kick. The man whose crotch received it collapsed with a scream.

"White Tiger Claw! White Tiger's Roar!" I threw a swordsman into his friend with a palm strike before springing to headbutt a wrestler in the stomach. When my new target tried to grapple with me, I raked my mails across his face.

A few streets away I could hear Zoro talking to his new swords as he fought. " _Kitetsu_! You're only supposed to cut when I tell you to." He sighed. "Such a problem child."

Whirling, I came face to face with a nun and a young boy. They cowered together. Even with my glasses off, something about their fear looked faked. "Please miss, have mercy!"

I knocked them out as they reached for their pistols, two quick blows to the backs of their heads. "Why should I? Even if you were a real nun, no church would ever show mercy to me."

Large hands grabbed me from behind. I drove a heel into my captor's gut, biting the hand that groped for my wrist. Another man immediately tried to grab me; I wrenched his arm so hard it snapped. Then I launched a barrage of attacks at a clump of bounty hunters who appeared to believe strongly in strength in numbers.

"White Tiger's Hunting Song!"

There was no end to these bounty hunters. As soon as I'd knocked out that group, another tried to surround me. I curled my fingers into claws. It was time to show them why I was the scary one.

"Red Tigress' Hunting Grounds!"

Blood. There was blood everywhere as Zoro and I moved back together, flicked about by blades and claws. My arms were red and sticky up to the elbows. It's amazing how much head wounds can bleed.

"You're mean," Zoro commented as he hamstrung one of the last bounty hunters. I raked ten bloody lines into a bald attacker's scalp.

"They started it by trying to catch us."

"Fair enough."

Only four were left- Mr Nine, Miss Wednesday, the mayor, and a woman with muscles bigger than Zoro's. We were about to confront them when the bar door opened. Luffy stumbled out, still inflated with food, eyes blinking back sleep. He woke up quickly though. Like a bull seeing red, the sight of all that blood enraged him.

"Blue! Zoro! What the Hell?!"

Rubber fists snapped at us. Zoro leapt away; I ducked. "Calm down Nii-chan! It's not what you think!"

"You tore them up! We don't tear up people who give us food!"

"It was a trap!" I rushed in and got in Luffy's face, too close for most of his Gomu-Gomu techniques to be effective. "The party was bait!"

"Nobody baits traps with fo- oh." All Luffy's anger poured out of him. He deflated, both physically and emotionally. "Shishishi. Oops. Everybody baits traps with food- that's how you get more meat. So these people were trying to hunt us?"

Zoro approached, amazed. "Yeah. Hey Blue, how'd you know that'd work?"

"I didn't. Logic's hit and miss with Nii-chan. But if it's about food or hunting, he usually gets it."

Luffy looked at the remaining bounty hunters. "So, three on four? No problem!"

"You really need to pay more attention to your surroundings Lu." Ace's voice echoed from the bar door. He stood with Sabo, Coby, and Kaya; Nami was nearby, picking through the clothes of unconscious bounty hunters for money. Huh. So only Sanji, Ghin, and Usopp were really out of it.

Sabo tipped his hat. "Looks more like eight on four to me. That's not fun at all. Shall we rock-paper-scissors for it?"

Before we could do as Sabo-nii suggested, a voice rang out from one of the cactus-shaped rocks. "You low level agents really are pathetic."

A man and a woman dropped into town. He looked like he was trying too hard to be cool; she looked like a tangerine. The other Baroque Works agents looked relieved to see them.

"Mr Five! Miss Valentine! Our apologies. But now you're here these pirates will be no problem!"

That comment earned Mr Nine a scathing look. "We're not here to help you idiots with your pathetic battles. It's not our problem if you're too weak to capture rookies with the ink still wet on their bounty posters."

Miss Valentine giggled. "We're here because _someone_ figured out the boss' secret. Isn't that right, Princess Vivi of Alabasta?"

The blue-haired agent paled. She and the mayor backed away from the newcomers. I was confused. So were their partners.

"Are Miss Wednesday and Mr Eight not with the bounty hunters?"

"Who cares?" Luffy cracked his knuckles. "We'll beat up these new guys first, then figure it out."

"Works for me." Ace's tattoos burst into flame.

Mr Five responded by picking his nose. "As if you pirates could ever be on our level." He flicked a booger at Ace. It exploded on contact with my fiery brother. Ace grinned.

"An explosion Devil Fruit, huh? Lu, I call dibs on this one."

"Okay. I get the girl then."

The Baroque Works agents were right- their level and ours were completely different. A Hiken from Ace caused the bomb man to explode uncontrollably- I wondered if he would ever be able to piece himself back together. Meanwhile Miss Valentine tried to crush Nii-chan with her weight-changing powers, only to learn how easily he bounced back into shape. It was sad how easily Luffy knocked her out.

Mr Nine and the muscle lady (who we later learned was called Miss Monday) looked on in amazement. Miss Wednesday and Mr Eight tried to sneak away, only to be stopped by the polite-yet-terrifying smiles of Sabo and Kaya. My blond brother gripped his pipe so hard his knuckles turned white.

"So, Miss Wednesday, is it true? You're a princess?" I was amazed at Sabo-nii's restraint. Usually when it came to nobles he punched first and asked questions later. Why was Miss Wednesday different?

"Yes." The blue-haired girl bowed. "My name is Nefertari Vivi of the desert kingdom Alabasta. Igram and I infiltrated Baroque Works to try and stop the rebellion they've been fomenting in our country."

Miss Monday and Mr Nine looked torn about what they should do. The problem was solved for them by Mr Eight- Igram. He knocked them out by doing something weird with his saxophone. He looked sad.

"Forgive me. I bear the two of you no ill-will, but if you were to hear anything else, you would be in grave danger."

Then Igram turned to us. "Pirates… I understand that this is an odd request, but could you please escort the princess home? She has valuable information that must be conveyed to the king and I fear I will not be able to protect her."

Bored with the discussion, I wandered off. It was Nii-chan's decision anyway. Although from the beri symbols shining in her eyes, Nami intended to have a say.

As I wandered around the edges of the town, I found a couple of very odd animals- an otter in a pink onesie and a vulture with goggles and a hat. They were so cute! I grabbed the pair from behind, hugging them, heedless of their squawks and struggles. Humming happily, I trotted back to the rest of the crew.

"Nii-chan! Ace-nii! Sabo-nii! Look what I found!"

Vivi went pale as I approached. "The Unluckies!"

"Oro?" I stared in confusion at the fluffy things I was hugging. "Are these Baroque Works' pets?"

"No, they're agents. If you let them escape, they'll fly back to Crocodile and tell him I spilled his identity."

"So… I can't keep them then?"

Sabo shook his head. "No Blue. Give them to Ace; he and Sanji will take care of things."

I did as I was told. In related news, the mystery meat casserole that Sanji made for lunch the next day was delicious.

Igram decided to set sail separately from the rest of us to try and draw Baroque Works' attention away. The outfit he wore... Middle-aged men should _never_ dress up as teenage princesses. My eyes were never going to recover from that, and I didn't even have my glasses on at the time. I could only imagine what the sighted members of our crew felt. Vivi led the rest of us on a brief search for her pet duck as her guard prepared his boat. Not ten minutes after he'd cast off, we saw and explosion on the horizon.

Tears welled up at the corners of Vivi's eyes. "Igram!"

Luffy placed a comforting hand on the princess' shoulder, drawing her into a hug. "He might not be dead. And if he is, I'll find who did it and kicked their ass."

"How do you know?" Vivi sniffled. "What makes you think he could've survived?"

"I did," Sabo put in. No one else said a word.

We found the duck Carue sitting on the deck of the _Merry_. No one knew how long he'd been there.

 **xXx**

A few hours after leaving Whiskey Peak, our ship received an unexpected visitor. A strange woman appeared out of nowhere by the mast; our passengers were visibly shaken by the newcomer's appearance.

"Miss All Sunday," Vivi breathed. Carue squawked and hid behind Zoro.

"Hello Princess."

"Who're you?" Luffy demanded, getting right in the stranger's face. She smiled mysteriously.

"No one for you to be concerned about- at the moment, at least."

"She's Miss All Sunday," Vivi said, "Crocodile's partner. Igram and I followed her to find out his identity."

"I let you follow me."

"And then informed him! Just what are you playing at?"

Miss All Sunday shrugged. Somehow Nii-chan's hat had been transported to her head. She tossed an odd-looking log pose at us. Ghin caught it.

"The next island on your route is called Little Garden. That eternal pose will allow you to bypass it and head straight to Alabasta."

"Give me back my hat!" Luffy launched himself at the newcomer. She chuckled and placed his hat back on his head before it became an actual attack.

Sanji looked torn over how to react. On the one hand, Miss All Sunday was scaring Vivi and was one of our enemies. On the other… She _was_ beautiful and he _was_ Sanji.

I was suspicious. This lady was one of the bounty hunters after all. "Why would you give us something like that? We're enemies."

"To see what will happen."

Luffy growled. He glanced at Ghin. "Smash it."

"Huh?"

"Smash it. _I'm_ the captain; _I_ decide how we get places, _not_ our enemies."

"Aye-aye, Don Luffy." The eternal pose was crushed with a tinkle of glass.

"I see." Miss All Sunday bowed her head, still smiling. "Very well then. I wish you luck."

She jumped from our boat, landing on the back of a giant turtle. It carried her off towards the horizon. As soon as the external threat had vanished, the internal chaos of the Straw Hat crew re-established itself as Nami bashed Luffy over the head.

"You idiot! Why'd you tell Ghin to smash it? That could've saved us so much time!"

"Enemies don't get to tell us what to do," Luffy replied, picking his nose. "Besides, what if it was another trap?"

Zoro groaned. "Sure, _now_ he decides to grow a brain."

"Right." I grabbed our normal den-den mushi and headed for the crow's nest. "I'll be calling a friend if you need me. Eavesdrop and I'll knit a scarf out of your guts."

"Is it Dadan?" Ace wanted to know. I shook my head, prompting activation of his overprotective instincts. "Huh? Who? Since when do you have friends outside the crew?"

"None of your business!" I scrambled into the crow's nest, ignoring the voices that rose from below. Our den-den mushi stared at me placidly. Unlike my brothers, it wasn't afraid of me talking to guys.

Puru-puru-puru-puru. Ka-clik. _"Yo! Bartolomeo here. Who the Hell's this?"_

"It's Bluejay."

 _'Li'l Blue! Just who I wanna talk with. Y'all're a pirate, right?"_

"Yeah…"

 _"Has yer crew ever run into them Straw Hats? They was in Loguetown the same day as y'all."_

I frowned. Hadn't Bartolomeo been there when half our crew tried to rescue Luffy from Buggy? "Luffy's my Nii-chan. Why?"

 _"Y'all are on the Straw Hat Crew?!"_

Bartolomeo's shout nearly blew my eardrums out. I'd never heard anyone sound that excited, not even Nii-chan. "Of course. Who else's crew would I be on?"

 _"That's so awesome! Luffy-senpai's so cool! Did ya see him? He got hit by ligtnin- Bam!- and stood up like it were nothing!"_

"Well, yeah. He's made of rubber."

 _"I've never seen someone do something like that afore! And he wants to be king of the pirates? So cool! Yer Nii-chan's such a badass!"_

"Not really…" I snickered. "Nii-chan's tough, yeah, but he's not that bright and a bit of a dork. Adorable though."

 _"Are y'all saying ya don't think he can do it?"_

"No. I know he will someday. But to me, Nii-chan will always be Nii-chan."

 _"Gah! So sweet!"_ It sounded like Bartolomeo was crying. _"You guys are awesome!"_

"…Thanks?"

 _"I wanna be just like y'all someday! My boys'n I are havin a ship built so we can head out to sea. Do ya think- do ya think my boys'n I could meet Luffy-senpai someday?"_

"Probably. Nii-chan likes people."

The resultant scream of excitement was probably heard all the way up and down the Grand Line. My ears rang. I shook my head to clear it once Bartolomeo quieted down. "You done?"

 _"Yeah. Sorry Li'l Blue. So, what're y'all up to."_

"Just beat up a bunch of bounty hunters and rescued a princess on our first Grand Line island. Normally we'd be suspicious of a noble, but she seems nice."

 _"Awesome! If that's how y'all're startin I can't wait to see what y'all do later- challenge a god at Raftel? Epic!"_ The den-den mushi panted heavily, unable to keep up with Bartolomeo's enthusiasm. It was also starting to cry, which was likely my friend's doing. _"So, what island was it?"_

"Whiskey Peak. It's really cool; the hills look like giant cacti."

 _"No spoilers! I wanna see all the cool places y'all go for myself."_

Pounding on the bottom of the crow's nest alerted me to Zoro's presence. Right, he and Ghin had watch tonight. I kicked the floor to let him know I'd be out in a minute. "Sorry Barto, gotta go. Our first mate needs the room and my brothers prob'ly wanna interrogate me."

 _"Alright. Nice to hear from ya- it's so awesome y'all're a Straw Hat! Try not to let Luffy-senpai be too hard on ya."_

"He's not the one I'm worried about," I muttered. "Later Barto."

 _"Bye Li'l Blue."_

I passed Zoro as I descended, swinging through the rigging to avoid awkward situations on the ladder. The den-den stuck stoically to my shoulder- we really had the best den-den ever. Any other member of the species would've been terrified as I clambered through the lines. I gave it a treat of apple slices when I returned it to its usual place. The white den-den mushi we'd gotten from Dad nuzzled our original.

"You guys need names," I told the snails, absently patting their shells. "I think I'll call you… Blackstar and Snowball."

That was where my brothers found me. Ace and Sabo looked… odd. I really had no way of describing their expressions. Luffy was more straight-up worried. It was Sabo who spoke.

"Blue, this friend… Is he the one who picked out your hat?"

"Yes."

Ace burst into flame. "Is he trying to get in your pants?"

"No!" I made a face. "He's too old for me anyways. Likes to call himself my big bro. Seems to idolize Nii-chan."

Luffy's hat shadowed his eyes. "Is he trying to get you to join his crew?"

I snorted. "As if. Barto's more likely to try and join ours."

"Oh. Alright then." Now Luffy was all smiles. Ace and Sabo both started shaking him.

"Idiot! Blue's talking to strange guys! Calling them! What if they do _things_ to her?"

"Blue's too young to date! We need to protect her!"

Luffy picked his nose. "If Blue needs help, we'll help. But this Barto guy doesn't sound dangerous, and Blue knows more about _things_ than I do. I trust her."

Sabo and Ace groaned in defeat. Luffy flicked the booger he'd retrieved out the window and continued. Our older brothers went green as he spoke. "Besides, Blue's a top, like Ace'n me. It won't be her partner wanting to do _things_ to her; it'll be her wanting to do _things_ to them. Sabo's the only bottom here."

Thud. Ace passed out. From narcolepsy or embarrassment, I couldn't tell. Sabo turned as red as Luffy's vest. He seemed frozen. I poked our blond brother experimentally, but got no response.

"Ksesesesesesese! Nii-chan, I think you broke them."


	12. Island Before Time

Sabo's dress was finished the day after we left Whiskey Peak. Nami and I ambushed him at noon, which was all too easy since he was still reeling from Luffy's words the night before. Within moments out pipe-wielding gentleman had been replaced by a royal blue princess.

Nami did a fantastic job on Sabo-nii's makeup. She even had something that matched his skin tone to hide his scar.

Luffy got excited when he saw Sabo in a gown, running into the ASLB cabin with a happy cry. He emerged wearing the bright red sun dress I'd once made him as a joke. Unlike Sabo, Luffy wore no makeup. Also unlike Sabo, Nii-chan didn't look like he wanted to murder me.

Sanji squeaked and tripped when he saw, stumbling down the stairs. His ankle made a strange popping noise as he landed. Kaya was immediately at his side to treat the injured limb. "It's not broken Sanji-san, but you should still stay off it as much as possible. No fighting for the next few days, alright?"

Our cook ignored her words in favour of clutching at his chest and staring at Sabo. "Dammit guys! Don't pull crappy tricks like that! I actually thought Sabo was a lady for a minute."

"Blame Nami and Blue. They did the makeup and the dress."

"Both of which are amazing!" Sanji noodled. "After all, if the ladies weren't so skilled they never could've made you look like one of them!"

Usually I would've kicked Sanji for that, but usually I didn't have Sabo trying to kill me with his pipe. I made a face indicating such to Luffy. He didn't like to kick while wearing his dress (said it was too drafty), so Nii-chan made the same face at Zoro. The first mate complied. Sanji immediately turned on him.

"The Hell was that for, shitty Shrubbery?!"

"Bluejay couldn't kick you, so I did it for her." Zoro kicked Sanji again. "And you don't get to use that nickname Swirly-Brow."

Our cook looked like he was about to kick back. He was interrupted by a flick in the forehead from Kaya. "Remember Sanji-san, no fighting."

"Sorry Kaya-swan!" Sanji turned into a noodle again.

When Ace saw Sabo in a dress, our oldest brother burst out laughing. "I can't believe it! You finally did it! This is perfect! Coby, get the den-den!"

Our little marine complied, rushing to grab Nami's visual den-den. Huh, I'd forgotten to name that one. I considered the problem as Ace took pictures of Sabo chasing me around the deck. When he couldn't catch me Sabo-nii turned on Ace-nii, resulting in a fight from which I had to rescue the den-den mushi. It turned out that Sabo could fight just as well in a dress as in pants.

Warner. I decided to name the visual den-den Warner.

 **xXx**

There was nothing little about Little Garden. As we approached the island we were welcomed by the sight of absolutely massive trees and hills that blocked the sky. The river we docked in was so deep I couldn't see the bottom even with my glasses.

We saw no signs of civilization.

Something shrieked within the jungle, drawing our attention. A tiger even larger than the tiger lord of Mount Corvo stared at us from the shore. That wasn't the source of the shriek though. The shrieker was the giant flying reptile that swooped down a moment later. It carried the tiger away in its huge talons with very little effort.

My eyes became stars. "It's a giant Petrie!"

"Say what?" Ace shot me an odd look. Usopp shuddered.

"I think I'm coming down with can't-go-on-this-island-disease." Ace-nii promptly set the liar's pants on fire.

"There's no such thing Usopp-kun," Kaya informed our sniper.

Pictures were running through my head, a half-remembered story. "I've seen something like that flier before somewhere. The ones that fly are called Petrie, the prickly ones are Spike, if they have horns they're Cera, the ones that live in water are Ducky, long-necked ones are Littlefoot, and dangerous ones are called Sharp-Tooth."

"Cool!" Luffy bounced. "Does this mean Blue came from the Grand Line? Because if you did and your people want you back, they can't have you. Blue's my little sister now." Nii-chan went from excited to serious in the blink of an eye.

I shook my head. "Don't worry Nii-chan; this doesn't feel like where I was born. I think it would be colder if it was. And even if we do find the place, my home's with you, Ace-nii, and Sabo-nii now."

"And don't you forget it!" Luffy jumped on my back, wrapping his arms and legs around me multiple times. "Sanji! Sanji! Blue'n me are going exploring; make us luchboxes?"

"Yeah sure. Gimme a minute." Sanji snuffed out his cigarette as he headed to the galley. "Oi! Everybody who's gonna look around, if you see anything edible, bring it back. I didn't get a chance to stock up back at Whiskey Peak."

Zoro smirked. "No problem Swirly-Brow. I'll bring back something bigger than you could ever hunt down yourself."

That earned a growl from our cook. "Kaya-swan!" he shouted, "I know I can't fight now, but am I allowed to hunt at least?"

"If you try I'll take it as volunteering for human trials of the new sedative I've been working on." Kaya held up a vial menacingly.

"Oh Kaya-swan, you're adorable when you're threatening me!"

Usopp looked like someone had made him eat dirty socks. I wondered if he had a thing for Kaya. It would certainly explain why Sanji's flirting bothered him.

Two lunchboxes later I was acting as a pony for an enthusiastic rubber boy. His refusal to get off my shoulders was to be expected; even if I'd assured him I wasn't going to run off with Bartolomeo or go looking for my birth people, Nii-chan was worried. He wanted to make sure I wouldn't leave him.

"So Nii-chan, what're we looking for?"

"Adventure!"

I might have guessed. "Could you be a little more specific?"

Luffy thought for a moment. "I wanna see all the different big lizards you talked about- Ceras and Littlefoots and stuff. Let's find them!"

"Aye-aye captain!"

Running through the jungle while wrapped in rubber limbs isn't easy, but it was something I had a lot of experience with. Luffy was always the clingy one. And at least he held on under his own power. Carrying a narcoleptic Ace through the jungle- now that would've been a nightmare.

Even dodging through the shadows of the trees it didn't take long to find a Littlefoot. As soon as we saw it, I wanted to know who in their right mind called such a beast little. It was huge! The thing had legs like tree trunks and a tail like a road, all covered in pebbly, blue-grey scales. And there was a whole herd of them.

"So cool!"

"They're beautiful!"

Luffy and I stared at the dinosaurs with starry eyes. It was too bad they were too big to keep one on the ship. Maybe we could find one that could swim behind the _Merry_? I seemed to remember there being swimming Littlefoots somewhere. Or would that be considered a sea king?

"Let's climb it!" Luffy bounced excitedly on my back.

"Okay. Hold on tight!" I ran up one of the Littlefoots' tails. It didn't notice, too busy munching leaves from the edges of a swamp.

"Wow!" Perched on the Littlefoot's head, Luffy nearly passed out from excitement. I nodded mutely.

The view was amazing. We were so high up- it felt like we could see the whole jungle. That wasn't possible of course, but we could see quite a bit. Luffy bounced happily and pointed at something to our left.

"Look Blue! I see Zoro!"

I looked where he was pointing. Sure enough, I saw our first mate wandering through what appeared to be a nesting ground. He tripped and fell into a nest as we watched. Luffy and I laughed, imagining Zoro cursing. Then my brother buried his face in my ponytail.

"Don't leave us, 'kay Blue? I don't care if you date or talk to guys, but promise you'll always be a Straw Hat."

"Always. You're stuck with me forever Nii-chan." I squirmed in Luffy's grip until I could hug him.

Our mildly feelsy moment was rudely interrupted by a giant sword. It lopped the head off of the Littlefoot we were standing on, sending us flying. Luffy and I untangled in mid-air to glare at the giant who'd beheaded our platform. We shouted at him in unison as we landed in a tree.

"Oi! What was that for?"

"Oh." The giant blinked at us. "Little people. Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I was just hunting."

Well, that was understandable. Luffy and I smiled. "Okay. Apology accepted."

"My name's Dorry," the giant told us as he butchered the Littlefoot. "It's been a while since I saw any little people. Where did you guys come from?"

"I'm Monkey D Luffy, and this's my little sister Bluejay. We're from Dawn Island in East Blue. I'm gonna be king of the pirates!"

"We're here with our crew," I clarified. "Everyone's out resupplying right now. Say, how long does it take a log pose to reset here?"

"A year! Best make yourselves comfortable little guys."

"Dammit! I can't wait that long!" Luffy fumed. I shook my head.

"Nami's gonna kill you dead for having Ghin smash that eternal pose."

"There's gotta be a way to get to the next island faster!" Luffy whined. Stress eater that he was, he started eying Dorry's meat. "Blue, think of something!"

"Well… We could try having Zoro take the helm and telling him to get lost. That might get us where we need to go."

"Worth a try. Let's go hunt; we'll tell people your idea in the morning."

A sudden eruption shook the island. I jumped. "What was that?"

Dorry stood. "The signal. You'd best stay here little people; things could get dangerous if you follow me."

Naturally, upon receiving such a warning, Luffy and I followed swiftly and closely. Nii-chan's D senses were tingling, and we weren't disappointed. At the center of the island Dorry met another giant named Broggy; the pair proceeded to have an epic duel. Luffy and I met ups with Usopp and Nami- who'd arrived with Broggy- to watch. Our sniper had stars in his eyes.

"So cool!" Usopp breathed, "That's it! Someday I've gotta go see Elbaf, land of the giants!"

I looked askance at Nami, since the sniper seemed in no state to explain himself. She sighed.

"Apparently these two giants come from Elbaf and can't go back until they settle some conflict. They've been having these duels for about a hundred years."

"Oro?" I couldn't imagine ever having a fight that went on so long. "What are they fighting about?"

Dorry and Broggy must've heard me because they paused in their duel, muscles straining as sword pushed against axe. "We don't remember!"

 **xXx**

The giants' duel ended in a tie. My crew mates and I left them to continue our exploration of the jungle, once again splitting up. Not long after, Luffy and I came across Sabo and Sanji hauling a large basket of fruit between them. I raised my eyebrows.

"Does Kaya know you're out and about?" I asked the cook.

"She said I couldn't fight or hunt, not that I had to stay on the ship. I'm _not_ letting Moss-Head get all the credit."

"Don't worry Blue." Sabo tipped his hat. "I'm keeping an eye on him. Can't go subjecting the crew to your cooking again, can we?"

"Hey!" I tackled my blond brother, Luffy laughing and cheering behind me. The brief tussle went as they always had: I got a couple of good hits in but ended up sprawled on the ground, Sabo sitting on my back.

"You're getting better Blue, but there's no way you can beat me yet."

"Sabo-nii! Get off!"

"Make me."

I growled. Slowly I managed to draw my limbs under my body and force my way up, sending Sabo rolling off my back. It was easier than it would've been with Ace; our oldest brother was fond of using submission holds on me.

Luffy poked Sanji repeatedly. "Hey! Hey! You guys find anything cool?"

"Not yet. Mostly just giant fruit." The cook lit a cigarette; I pulled my bandanna over my nose. "We've been trying to avoid the dinosaurs, since I'm not supposed to fight."

Sabo caught the looks Luffy and I were shooting each other and sighed. "They're too big for you to keep as a pet. The _Merry_ would sink."

"What if we find a little one?" Cue Nii-chan's puppy eyes and my… Less scary face?

Our older brother shrugged. "Lu's the captain. If it doesn't endanger the ship or crew, it's his decision."

"Shishishi! Right! Still not totally used to that!" Luffy rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.

The four of us explored together for a while. Eventually we stumbled across the sleeping form of Ace draped over a charred log. Little flames shot from his mouth every few breaths. I kicked him; he went intangible, charring the log more as my foot passed through him. Sabo sighed.

"Maybe we should try and get him some medication for this?"

"Does that exist?" Luffy asked, uncapping a marker and connecting the freckles on Ace's right arm. Sabo shrugged.

"I don't know, but we should look into it." Sabo-nii picked Ace-nii up on his back. "I'll take him back to the ship. Look after Sanji for me, 'kay Blue?"

"Okay."

Luffy made a face. "Gathering fruit is boring. I'm gonna go find Zoro." He bounced away as Sabo hauled Ace back towards the _Merry_.

Sanji started to noodle-dance, so I threw a mango at him. It smacked him in the face. "Calm down and treat me like one of the guys Spirals!"

The effect, while not quite what I was going for, was instantaneous. Sanji grabbed me and shook me like a naughty puppy. He had surprisingly strong arms for someone who fought by kicking; must've been from hauling sacks of flour or something.

"Don't waste food Blue-chan. I don't care if you're a lady, a marine, or a monkey- food's not a toy or a weapon. Next time I catch you wasting food you'll regret it."

"Sorry." I flinched. Note to self- Sanji is to food as Ace is to younger siblings.

"Geez, where were you guys even raised?" Sanji put me down. "A barn?"

I snickered. "Nah, the bandits Gramps had looking after us didn't have anything that nice. Our treehouse was great though."

Blink, blink. "Isn't your shitty gramps a marine?"

"Yep."

"…Why the Hell would a marine have bandits looking after his grandkids?"

"No idea." I shrugged and picked my nose. "We've wondered for a long time but then again, Gramps is weird. Logic works even less on him than on Nii-chan."

Sanji paled. "Okay, sounds like one shitty geezer I want to stay _far_ away from."

The pair of us spent some more time gathering fruit. Our giant basket was nearly full when we found a candle-shaped hut made of what appeared to be wax. Its door was open; the building was empty. We were about to just pass it by when a den-den mushi rang from within.

Puru-puru-puru-puru. Ka-clik. Sanji entered and grabbed the receiver. "Good afternoon, you've reached the Crap Café."

 _"Mr Three! This is Mr Zero; quit fooling around. Have you heard anything from the Unluckies or the Mr Five team? Neither have sent a report from Whiskey Peak."_

"Nope, sorry boss." Sanji smirked. "It's all quiet here."

 _"Well, be prepared for anything. Miss All Sunday informs me that Princess Vivi is travelling with some rookie pirates; they should be docking on Little Garden soon."_

"I'll keep my eyes peeled sir." Standing behind Sanji, I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing and giving him away. How could the leader of a criminal organization be fooled so easily?

 _"You do that. Oh- since the Unluckies aren't around I'll be sending the eternal pose with a billions' ship."_

"Thanks boss."

 _"And Mr Three…"_

"Yes?"

 _"Do something about that cold of yours. You sound like a teenager from the North Blue."_

Ka-clik.

I couldn't hold it in any longer. "Ksesesesesesese! That was gold! Mein Gott! How dumb can this Crocodile guy be?"

"Can't be that dumb if he's taking over Vivi-chan's country. Maybe the shitty croc's hard of hearing."

We left the candle house and hauled our fruit basket back to the _Merry_. When we arrived we were greeted by the sight of Ace and Sabo tangled together on the deck, fast asleep. Kaya was painting their nails. Sabo got dark blue while Ace got kill-me orange.

Sanji and I were just finished putting our bounty away when we heard yelling from the forest. Kaya heard it too, but not Ace-nii or Sabo-nii. Once they were asleep it was near impossible to wake them. Although one of the voices shouting sounded like Luffy, so that might do it. I nodded towards Sanji's ankle.

"You stay here and watch the ship with Kaya. I'll check it out."

"Of course Blue-chan!"

Following the noise, I soon came upon one of the strangest sights I could imagine. Luffy was sitting on the ground drinking tea with a little girl, a green smiley face painted on his back. Behind him the majority of our crew was trapped in a giant candle that was somehow snowing even more wax over them. Most looked terrified and were trying desperately to escape. It wasn't working out for them. Zoro on the other hand had struck what was clearly supposed to be an epic pose. His ankles bled sluggishly, staining the white wax red.

A baby Sharp-Tooth was perched on Zoro's shoulder for some reason. Its shrill cries hurt my ears.

Coby and Usopp were still free of the wax, running around too fast to be caught. Nothing they did seemed able to break the wax though. It was as hard as steel. They needed help.

My immediate reaction was to rush in and free my obviously-hypnotized Nii-chan. And by free, I mean use him as a weapon. A solid kick to the painted smiley launched Luffy at the wax man with 3-shaped hair. Three guesses who that was, and the first two don't count. My Nii-chan bowling ball momentarily knocked Mr Three flat.

"Tiger's Ball of Yarn!"

Smearing the paint appeared to be the key to freeing Luffy from his hypnotism. I motioned for him to focus on Mr Three; I would take his paint-happy partner. After all, hypnotism didn't work on me.

"Colour Trap: Depression!" The girl splashed a sad face on my shirt. I glanced down at the picture.

"Really? Ultramarine? That's not depressing. You want blue-grey for that. All you've done is rushed laundry day."

"Huh?" The little artist looked horribly confused. Had no one ever broken her Colour Trap before? Really?

"White Tiger Claw!" I knocked the girl back easily. She was quite tiny. The blow knocked her silly for a moment- which is probably why she tried to Colour Trap me again.

"Colour Trap: Serenity!"

Emerald vines bloomed up my arms. I shook my head, grinning darkly. "Wrong again. Emerald green is the colour of wilderness. White Tiger's Hunting Song!"

By the time my flurry of blows was done, the little artist was out cold. I shook my head, wondering what possessed her to create a fighting style based on subjective symbolism. Meet someone with a different viewpoint and it became useless.

I turned just in time to see Luffy knock the top of the crew candle while Coby and Usopp lit an oiled wick. The candle started to melt. Seconds later Nii-chan spun a Gomu-Gomu no Rifle into Mr Three's chest. A wall of wax the man tried to raise at the last moment crumbled beneath the twisting rubber punch.

One by one our crew mates stumbled free. I immediately ran over and hit Zoro over the head. "What the Hell Shrubbery?! Did you try to cut your own feet off? Why?"

"I was trying to escape!" Zoro hit me right back. "Captain Snappy thought it was a good idea."

"Oro? Captain Snappy?"

Zoro nodded and pointed to the baby Sharp-Tooth on his shoulder. "It hatched when I fell into its nest and won't stop following me, so I figured I'd name it."

Captain Snappy chirped its agreement and nuzzled Zoro's face. Luffy laughed. "Zoro's so good with kids!"

"Shut up."

Ghin sighed. The look on his face said he was resigned to his role as the only true adult on our crew. "It thinks you're its mother. Does anyone know how big it'll get? Cause it's gonna try to follow us forever."

I shook my head. There were a number of types of Sharp-Tooth; I couldn't tell which Captain Snappy was.

Nami shook her head. "Did anyone figure out how long it takes a log pose to reset here? I'd rather leave sooner than later."

"A year," I said absently, petting Captain Snappy. Tiny teeth dug into my hand.

"What?!" Nami fell back on her butt. "We can't wait here for a year!"

Vivi looked pale. "Alabasta..."

"That's what I said!" Luffy agreed. "Don't worry though. Blue says if we put Zoro at the helm and tell him to get lost we'll get where we need to go."

"…That's so crazy it just might work."

Prying Zoro's new pet's mouth open, I freed my hand and licked my wounds. No, it did not occur to me that I was indirectly kissing a dinosaur. "Don't worry about that anymore. Sanji tricked Crocodile into sending us an eternal pose for Alabasta. It should be here in a few days."

Nami immediately glared at Luffy. "Don't break it this time."

"Okay."

Vivi was more concerned. "How? Crocodile wouldn't just give Sanji something like that for asking nicely."

"He called Mr Three's base camp, but Sanji picked up the den-den. The pose is coming on something called a billions' ship."

Luffy smiled. "Okay. We can do a few days. Prob'ly need that to hunt and stuff anyways. Come on Blue, let's go catch one of those giant tigers!"

Everyone smiled as Nii-chan bounced over to grab me by the arm. He quickly dragged me off into the jungle. As we left, I heard Vivi talking to Zoro.

"I can help you train Captain Snappy if you like Mr Bushido. It can't be that different than when I trained Carue."

"Thanks."

 **xXx**

The next few days saw the rebirth of my childhood tiger-skin suit. Instead of a onesie like when I was little this one was a hooded tunic and tights. Still made sure to have the ears and tail though. The first time they saw it, my brothers burst out laughing.

Less than an hour after I revealed my new outfit a strange ship appeared on the horizon. Dorry and Broggy actually warned us; we'd become good friends with the giants over the last few days. "Oi! Minis! Looks like the pose you ordered is here!"

It was a small, fast ship. From the sound coming across the water the crew was about thirty strong- maybe forty if some were asleep. Sadly we couldn't afford to risk sinking it. Instead we hid in the jungle until they dropped anchor, then boarded, attacking as we went. The billions' guys didn't know what hit them… But I did:

"Gomu-Gomu no Gattling!" Rapidly snapping rubber fists.

"Five Toes of the Emperor!" A lead pipe.

"Hiken!" A giant fist made of fire. This one also made their sails unusable.

"Red Tigress' Hunting Grounds!" Claw-like fingers… and the blood of their neighbours.

"Oni Giri!" Three swords and some more blood.

"Flash Pistol!" Coby's first attempt at naming an attack. Not too bad.

Thunk! Nami swung her staff and hit a gunner in the crotch. She still had no named techniques.

"Gunpowder Star!" When mixed with burning scraps of canvas from the sails, Usopp's attack destroyed the ship's rudder.

"Ghost Step!" Kaya seemed to disappear from sight, her route traceable through suddenly-appearing symptoms of poison.

"Collier! Épaule! Côtelette! Selle! Poitrine! Gigot! Mouton!" Size eleven steel-toed shoes.

"Little Red's Wolf!" Spinning weighted tonfa.

"Peacock Slasher!" …Okay, even I didn't know what to call Vivi's weapon. Although I was impressed by her display of finger strength.

Carue stayed back while Captain Snappy gleefully followed Zoro through the carnage, biting people's ankles. The billions' guys didn't stand a chance. It took about five minutes to knock them all out of commission. Honestly, we had more fun looting their ship than actually fighting them.

Nami found the eternal pose and cradled it like it was a child. Apparently she still didn't trust Luffy not to have this one smashed as well, because when he approached she hissed and made shark-teeth at him. "My Precious!"

Nii-chan backed away, hands in the air. "Okay, Okay. I wasn't gonna touch it. I just wanted to know if we're ready to go now."

"Oh. Yeah, any time."

"Alright!" Luffy bounced as everyone headed to the _Merry_. "New adventures, here we come!"

We waved goodbye to Dorry and Broggy as we cast off. They started to wave back, but froze. Up in the crow's nest I turned to see what had caught their attention. A goldfish the size of Laboon was swimming towards our ship.

"Um, guys!" I called down, "We may have a problem!"

"Well shit." Sanji was the first to voice what we were all thinking. Seconds later, Luffy was the last to see the fish. His eyes turned into stars.

"Sanji… Can we eat it?"

The cook thought for a moment. "Well, goldfish are technically carp, so I don't see why not. I'll need someone to cut it up first though; I can't cook something that big in one piece."

"On it!" Ace and Zoro jumped off the _Merry_ in unison. Two knives and three swords quickly filleted the giant fish. The rest of the crew worked together to bring in as much of the meat as possible.

I glanced back at Dorry and Broggy, who had gone strangely quiet. The giants were staring at us in shock.

"Did the minis just turn the Island Eater into dinner?"

"Aye, that they did."

"Why didn't ever we think of that?"

"Good question Broggy, that's a very good question."

Huh. So the fish was some sort of special mystery goldfish. I wondered if that meant it would taste extra good. Then I wondered if I would be able to tell- almost everything Sanji made tasted extra good.

Since we had so much extra fish, we decided a party was in order that night. Straw Hat parties were so much better than the bait party at Whiskey Peak, though many of the results were the same. In the end, no one managed to make it back to their cabins. The whole crew fell asleep on deck, tangled together like a heap of kittens.

When dawn came I woke to find myself pinned to Ghin's chest, Usopp and Kaya cuddling on my back. It took several minutes to extract myself. Once I had I felt strangely cold and shivery. That never happened before- I couldn't remember ever feeling cold, not even on the chilliest day Dawn Island had to offer. I shrugged and headed to the ASLB cabin to grab a coat. Something I saw on my way stopped me in my tracks.

Nami, sprawled across a barrel with her feet on Sanji's stomach, was flushed and shaking. Little groans of discomfort escaped once in a while as she slept. When I touched her head it felt as warm as Ace's. For someone not made of fire that was _really_ bad.

"Guys! Nami's sick!" My shout woke the entire crew. Everyone scrambled over to see what was wrong.

"What did you say?"

I shivered, stumbling into Ace as I repeated myself. "Nami's sick."

My big brother caught me before I could keel over. "So are you."

"Not again," Luffy and Sabo groaned in the background.

 **A/N: So, I can't decide whether to have Vivi as one of the extra Straw Hats. I like her and I think she has potential, but at the same time it would be really dangerous for her country. If she joins the Straw Hats I would give her a secret identity a la Sogeking to protect her country from potential Buster Calls. Rebuilding a nation that was nearly taken over by a Shichibukai is probably also a full-time job. So… Do people want Vivi as a Straw Hat or to stay in Alabasta? You have until I write that chapter to decide, so about two or three weeks I think.**


	13. Choppy the Blue-Nosed Reindeer

**A/N: Wow, this chapter took longer than I thought it would. So… From here on you'll slowly be seeing more unfamiliar names and descriptions. I have to add OC villains after all; otherwise my expanded Straw Hats would overwhelm everyone through sheer numbers. Also, there are a couple of friends who've been helping me with this story who have minis that will be showing up. So, friend insert? Tetsik's character appears for the first time this chapter, while Llama will be arriving in a little while.**

 **Blue's antics in this chapter are based on when I was** _ **actually**_ **sick when I was fourteen. I'm** _ **not**_ **a good patient.**

Kaya examined Nami and I in the girls' cabin. Nami lay on her bed, unable to sit up. I was a bit better; though I occasionally had moments where I would black out, I was generally able to walk if I went slow. It wasn't much different from Ace's narcolepsy. When I tried to tell Kaya that, though, she flicked me in the forehead.

"You're _too_ much like your brother right now Bluejay-san. It's not just the passing out. Your fever is even higher than Nami-san's; I have no idea how you're able to stand right now."

"Stubbornness," Sabo said from the corner. He'd carried Nami into the cabin. "So, what's wrong with them?"

"I don't know." Kaya shook her head sadly. "Most of my training is first-aid and trauma care- I know barely anything about diseases. Some of the medications I have might alleviate the symptoms, but without knowing what illness it is I have no way of curing it."

Standing, I waved my hand dismissively. "It'll go away on its own in a few days. Just makes sure Nami drinks enough and gets some rest."

"Lie _down_!" Kaya flicked me in the head and pushed me back onto the spare bunk. "A fever as high as you two have rarely goes away on its own and even if it will, you need to _rest_!"

"I'll be fine. Just let me make my special honey-garlic chicken. All the bacteria will die off in no time."

Kaya looked askance at Sabo. He sighed and explained. "An unholy mixture of chicken, honey, garlic, lemon, ginger, and hot peppers. It makes even Ace's eyes water, but it _does_ get rid of colds in ten minutes or less."

"It's not unholy," I pouted, "Honey-garlic chicken is great."

"Non-taster."

"Wimpy-tongue."

Sabo shot me a strange look. I had to agree, my insults were usually better than that. "Kaya, just how high _is_ her fever?"

"Let's put it this way Sabo-san: most people have a healthy body temperature of about 37.0; Bluejay-san's normal temperature is 35.4. Currently Nami-san's fever is 39.7 and Bluejay-san's is 40.6. It's amazing they can both remain conscious; if their fevers go much higher it could cause brain damage, or they could even die."

That earned a look of horror from my brother. Sabo went so pale that his _scar_ was white. "We need to get them to a doctor."

Kaya nodded. "Ask Vivi-hime how long until we reach Alabasta. We may need to take a side trip."

"To where?"

"I don't know. Somewhere with a doctor. And please bring me some ice so I can try to bring their fevers down."

"Of course. I'll be back soon."

After Sabo left I tried to get up. "Stop scaring Sabo-nii Kaya. It's not funny."

"Neither is your fever." Kaya approached me with a needle full of something pale green. "Now, since you won't stay down on your own, I'm going to have to help you."

The needle stuck in my arm before I could move or protest. My eyes started to droop within seconds. Kaya smiled as I fixed her with an accusing stare. "It's a new sedative I've been developing for use on you and your brothers. The four of you have interesting metabolisms, so it's been quite a challenge."

If she said anything more I didn't hear it. My eyes rolled back in my head as I collapsed onto the bunk.

 **xXx**

I was fairly certain I woke before Kaya meant me to, as Nami and I were alone when my eyes opened. How long had passed I couldn't tell. I removed a bag of cool water (probably once ice) from my forehead and snuck out of the cabin.

On deck it was cool, with occasional glittering snowflakes fluttering down. Everyone except Ace was wearing winter clothes. I slipped through Nami's tangerine trees to avoid being seen by Kaya- who was talking to Usopp about chemistry and poisons from the sounds of things. It took nearly ten minutes for me to find Luffy without being caught.

"Hey Nii-chan. Where are we?"

"Looking for some place called Drum Kingdom. Vivi says it's around here somewhere. They have good doctors for you and Nami." Then Luffy turned and looked at me. His eyes went wide and he stumbled back, nearly going over the rail. I grabbed his arm to keep him from falling overboard.

"Blue! You're supposed to be in bed!"

"But it's _boring_!" I whined. Luffy put his hand on my forehead.

"You're still warmer than Ace. Back to bed- _**now**_."

The minor emotion-punch stunned me before my brother started dragging me back to the girls' cabin. Less than half way there we were stopped by a call from Ghin in the crow's nest. "Don Luffy! There's a man standing on the water off to starboard!"

"Sugoi!" Nii-chan immediately released me in favour of going to look at this novelty.

It soon turned out that the person was a pirate whose ship was capable of submarine travel. The captain had some weird Devil Fruit that involved eating things that even Luffy wouldn't try- like the rail of the _Going Merry_. He was also a spoiled snake of a noble like the ones in Goa Kingdom. Hell, he even _looked_ like some of them. This King Wapol guy did the exact opposite of endearing himself to our crew.

"Stop eating my ship!"

"We're too busy to deal with you right now!"

Combined strikes from a rubber fist and a lead pipe smacked the supposed king into the stratosphere. He disappeared with a mystery twinkle. Shouting in panic, his crew took off after him.

"Well, at least we know we're probably getting close." Zoro ran a hand through his hair. Ace, who'd been sleeping by the rail Wapol had eaten, opened an eye.

"This might help." He held up an eternal pose. Everyone stared.

"You can pick pockets in your sleep?!"

"Nah, it fell out of that king guy's pocket onto my lap" Then Ace saw me. "Oi! Who let Blue up?"

Kaya frowned. "That should've kept you under for at least another four hours. I guess it needs more work." She pulled out another needle of the greenish sedative. Apparently she'd been prepared for this occurrence.

I turned and fled. Kaya couldn't run as fast or as long as I could; escape should've been easy. I would've gotten away with it too, but Kaya called for backup as soon as she realized she couldn't catch me.

"Coby-san! Stop Bluejay-san!"

Our little marine was in front of me in a blur of pink. Coby grabbed me in an awkward hug. If I'd been as fine as I wanted people to believe I would've been able to keep going with little effort- Coby wasn't that heavy. As it was, my knees gave out. I was soon treated to an example of what it felt like to be Ace, as I passed out before Kaya could get anywhere near me with her needle.

 **xXx**

The next time I woke up the air was noticeably colder. On the other side of the room Kaya was helping a semi-conscious Nami put on a winter coat. I dashed out of the cabin before they noticed I was awake. They heard me leave; I wasn't quiet at all. But Kaya couldn't catch me before I scrambled up into the crow's nest.

I lay, panting, beside Zoro. The swordsman raised an eyebrow as I held a finger to my lips. "Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

"It's boring! They put me in the girls' room- I can't even knit there! All my stuff's where my brothers and I sleep!"

"You know I should take you back to Kaya. The captain will freak if he catches you up here."

"Ah, but _will_ you? That's the question."

Zoro answered by throwing me over his shoulder and proceeding to climb down from the crow's nest. Instead of giving me back to Kaya the Shrubbery walked over to Ace. I was shoved roughly into my oldest brother's arms.

"She's bored. If you want her to rest, entertain her."

Ace hit me over the head while smiling at our swordsman. "Heh. You're turning into a pretty good first mate after all. Thanks Zoro; I'll take it from here."

My fiery brother carried me like a child. His fingers carded through my hair, trying to lull me to sleep. "Oh Blue… What are we gonna do with you?"

"Let me sit on the deck and knit?"

"No." Sabo appeared beside us. "Gods of the sea Blue, you need to stop doing this. Just rest. Illness goes away faster if you fight _it_ rather than your crew mates. You don't see Nami trying to escape Kaya at every turn do you?"

"Never. Nami's pretty out of it."

"As you should be. Can't you see how worried Ace is?"

"Oi!" Ace hit Sabo over the head. His face was flushed. Poor Ace-nii; he loved us so much, but had such trouble with emotions.

Luffy bounced over. "Did Blue escape again?"

"Yeah. Zoro caught her." Ace shifted me in his arms. "How long 'til we get to Drum Kingdom?"

"Not long." Sabo shrugged. "If Vivi's remembering things right, we should get there this evening."

"Good." Ace passed me to Sabo, looking reluctant. "I- I can't look after her right now. With how hot I am… Being near my fire will only make her fever worse." You could see it was killing Ace to admit that.

"Then let me!" Luffy grabbed me from Sabo. "Rubber's cooler than skin."

"Do you know how?" our blond brother asked skeptically. Nii-chan nodded.

"Cool her down, make her rest, lots of juice. Like you did when she was sick when we were little."

I squirmed. "Put me down! I can do it myself!"

Three fists bopped me on the head. "You mean like you did when you were eleven?"

"Are you sure you weren't born a D?"

"Give up Blue! Nap time!"

Luffy carried me to our family cabin and plopped me into the communal nest. He then decided to tie me up with one of our quilts so I couldn't escape again while he went to get fetch juice and ice. Tying knots was one of Nii-chan's specialties, though he was lousy at _un_ tying them.

I gave in. When Luffy returned with lemon juice and a bag of ice, I accepted the drink and lay down. Nii-chan placed the ice on my head and sat on my legs to make sure I couldn't get up. He started telling stories about Shanks (that I'd heard a hundred times before) to keep me occupied until I fell asleep.

 **xXx**

It seemed like barely any time passed before I woke up. The trigger: a gunshot. Well, that and my brother was no longer with me. I untied myself from the quilt and stumbled out onto the deck, ready to fight whoever was shooting at us. No one even noticed me. Our whole crew was lined up at the rails, eyes fixed on what was going on below.

Nii-chan had jumped off the ship to face a group of warmly-dressed islanders in the knee-deep snow. He was bowing low- and I'd never seen Luffy bow to _anyone_ before. When he spoke his voice was tight with strain.

"Please… We're not here to fight. My friend and my little sister are sick. Please let me bring them to a doctor."

The villagers looked uncertain. For a moment it seemed they might say no- or worse, start shooting at us again. Then Nami came stumbling out of the girls' cabin. She certainly looked much worse than I did, unable to stand long on her own. Sanji rushed to support our navigator. One of the lead villagers sighed.

"My name is Dalton," he told us. "Forgive our mistrust; our country was attacked by a pirate crew a few weeks ago and we have yet to recover. As for your crew mates, I'm sorry. Currently there is only one doctor on the island. She lives in a castle atop the Drum Rockies and we have no way of knowing when she'll next come down."

Another villager spat in the snow. "That Kureha's more witch than doctor. She comes down at random, treats whoever she finds, and takes whatever she wants as payment. I've heard she even flies through the sky in a sleigh pulled by reindeer."

"And her bedside manner's terrible!" a third villager added.

I saw Nii-chan's fists clench. "If she's not down here, then I'll have to take Nami and Blue up there."

Our crew mates nodded as our captain stood. Sanji stepped forwards, still supporting Nami. "I'll come too. You can't defend yourself from bears and such while carrying the ladies shitty captain."

"Me- me to." Everyone turned to stare at Coby. He was shaking, but he frowned stubbornly. "We'll move faster if Luffy-san is only carrying one. I can take Bluejay-san."

"You sure?" Ghin asked. "The Donna is heavier than she looks."

"Of course I'm sure!" Coby shouted indignantly. He looked hurt. It reminded me of when Ace called me a wimp when we were little.

"Ksesesesesese!" I slung an arm over Coby's shoulder before he could attack our tattoo artist. Although he might not have; Coby didn't have the temper that seemed to plague some others on the crew (read: Ace-nii). "He doesn't mean anything by it. If anything, I should be getting mad at him for calling me fat."

Ghin paled. "That's not what I said at all!" Our resident adult looked like he was about to run and hide behind Zoro.

"I know! I'm just messing with you."

Captain Snappy chirped, poking his head out of Zoro's jacket. The tiny dinosaur looked at me and shivered. Our first mate nodded, stroking his pet's head. "Where's Blue's coat? She's making me cold just looking at her."

Sabo groaned and ran to our cabin to find my jacket; Ace began to freak out and promptly had a narcoleptic fit. I blinked, wondering why I would need my coat. Sure my fever was making me shivery, but other than that I wasn't cold. Actually, the cool air felt nice on my too-hot skin. It felt- homey. Familiar. I wondered if the place I was born had maybe been cold and rocky like Drum Kingdom.

My jacket hit me in the face. Sabo glared at me until I put it on, even though I felt better without it. By the time I was done Luffy had picked Nami up on his back and was ready to go. I was going to protest that I could walk for a bit on my own, but nobody gave me a chance. Ghin picked me up and arranged me on Coby's back. When I opened my mouth to complain Kaya threatened me with sedation.

It was kind of funny being carried by Coby, since we were about the same size. I wondered if this was how Nii-chan had felt when I carried him around on Little Garden.

We set off up the mountains at a swift pace. I squirmed at first, wanting to walk by myself. Being carried made me feel weak. I hated it! After a few minutes though, Coby elbowed me in the ribs. I immediately froze in surprise. He'd never done something like that before.

"Please stop moving Bluejay-san. This is hard enough as it is."

"Then let me down. I can walk."

Coby shook his head. "With a fever as high as yours you could pass out at any minute. You _should_ be unconscious. Kaya-san will kill me if I let you exert yourself."

I pouted. Since when was Kaya scarier than I was? That just wasn't right. She was pretty and quiet; isn't that supposed to be _less_ intimidating? Although her forehead flicks were something else.

Something large and fluffy appeared out of the snow ahead of us. It was followed by several other somethings of the same kind. They were… Abominable snowmen? Polar bears?The fluffy things charged and started attacking us. Sanji kicked them out of the way while Luffy and Coby dodged, trying to keep Nami and I from getting hit. I finally got a good look at our attackers when sharp teeth clacked closed just above Coby's head. They were giant, man-eating rabbits.

That made me smile for some reason. I giggled, hugging more tightly to the pink-haired boy's back. "Fetch the Holy Hand Grenade!"

"Huh?" Coby stumbled in surprise. I just giggled again, unable to explain where the words were coming from. Warmish, vague memories, like the songs I loved.

"First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is _right out_."

"Luffy-san, Sanji-san, I think Bluejay-san's delirious."

There was no end to the rabbits. No matter how many Sanji kicked aside they just kept coming. I wish we really _had_ a Holy Hand Grenade. Not that I knew what that even was. It sounded explosive and dangerous though, which could only help in a fight. Explosive and dangerous… Wait… I giggled into Coby's shoulder again before raising my head and shouting as loud as I could.

"Ace-nii! The evil bunnies wanna molest us!"

Somewhere behind us something erupted. A fireball flew into the sky. Any noise it made was frowned out though. From high above us on the mountain slopes came a rumble like thunder. Thick, heavy snow was churning towards us with astonishing speed. Just what had those rabbits done?

Right before the snow hit, a wave of orange rushed over my head. Two giant rabbits flew backwards as flaming feet slammed into them. "Don't touch my sister!"

Luffy whooped. "Nice one Ace!"

"Heh. Thanks."

Sanji huffed. "As much as I appreciate the help with the rabbits, we really need to do something about the avalanche."

Ace looked around, startled. His eyes widened when he saw the snow thundering towards us. "Shit! Uh- Hiken!"

Whoosh! A fist of flame roared forth, melting a hole in the wall of snow. It didn't last long though. I raised my head to shout at Ace-nii.

"Try something more constant, like when we fly!"

"Right! Um… Kyokaen!"

A wall of flame rose around us, unhindered by the snow or lack of fuel. It crackled loudly, pleasantly warm. Most of the tumbling weight of the avalanche evaporated before it could hit us. Luffy did a little victory dance, only to be interrupted by Sanji making shark-teeth.

"Idiot! Don't bounce Nami around like that!"

"Shishishi! Oops…"

We waited out the avalanche in Ace-nii's ring of fire. By the time we could move again Coby was shifting uncomfortably beneath me. I moved to get down and let him rest only for him to reach back and pinch me. "No Bluejay-san, you're still sick."

"But you're tired! I can walk for a bit."

"I'll be alright. You just focus on keeping your fever down and not passing out." Aw, our little Pinkie was talking back to me! And he hadn't even stuttered. I was so proud.

With Ace and Sanji acting as guards, our little party made good time to the base of the mountains proper. Only… When we got there we were faced with nothing but a sheer cliff. There were barely any ridges that could be used as handholds. Nii-chan glared up at the rock.

"Stupid mountain! Come on, we need to climb you!"

My fever was starting to make my head fuzzy; I was probably gonna pass out soon. Sighing, I buried my face in Coby's shoulder. "Warm air rises," I muttered.

"Huh?" Even without looking up I could feel everyone staring at me. Why did people always need me to repeat myself?

"Warm air rises."

Ace was the first one to get it. "Warm-? Oh!" He ran and kicked over a tree, dragging it back to the rest of us. "Sanji, Coby, help Blue and Nami hold on. Lu, grab both ends like when you were a parachute, then use Gomu-Gomu no Balloon."

"Okay."

Everyone got into position and Nii-chan inflated himself. Ace sat right beneath him on the log. Planting his hands on Luffy's ribs, Ace-nii slowly heated up. Nii-chan expanded even more as the air inside him warmed. And then we rose.

Coby giggled. "Gomu-Gomu no Hot Air Balloon!"

"Heh." Sanji chuckled, taking a drag on his cigarette. "This trip just keeps getting weirder and weirder."

I smiled. My vision started to go black, but that didn't stop me from singing until I passed out.

 _Hast du etwas Zeit für mich?_

 _Denn singe ich ein Lied für dich_

 _Von neunundneunzig Luftballons_

 _Auf ihrem weg zum Horizont…_

 **x?x**

Snow. There was snow everywhere- in his hair, down his shirt, in his shorts. That wasn't what bothered him though. Sora had been born in a place not much different than this; snow was second nature to him. What bothered him was that he couldn't find his mallet.

Once he'd freed himself from the edges of the avalanche the young man began to dig through the snow for his weapon. Hands morphed into colourful claws to better shovel the heavy whiteness. Technically, Sora supposed, he didn't _need_ a weapon. But his transformations were still unreliable, and if they failed when he was under attack…

"Oh dear! Is your friend buried under there?"

Sora jumped in surprise, automatically hiding his hands. He shook his head before turning to face the girl who'd spoken. She was quite pretty- especially her bright blue hair that shone like the sky. The swollen, beaten youth next to her was terrifying though.

"No, not a friend. My weapon." Sora shifted his hands back to normal and resumed digging. He was surprised when the girl and her friend crouched down and started to help him.

"My name is Nefertari Vivi, and this is Usopp. We're exploring while some of our crew mates receive medical treatment."

"Sora Verne- Verne's my family name though. We say it differently where I'm from." The young man felt something warm trickling down the side of his neck, but he ignored it. "Are you guys marines?"

"No, we're- Ah! You're bleeding!"

A red drop fell on the snow. Sora raised a hand to press against the wound on his neck. "Yeah. I got it when pirates attacked a few weeks ago; I guess I keep reopening it."

Wood showed under his hand. Sora smiled and grabbed the handle, swinging his mallet out of the snow and onto his shoulder. "Ah! Found it!"

Usopp whistled. "That's a big hammer."

"All the better to smack people with."

Vivi was still staring at Sora's neck. "Would- would you like to come back to our ship for a bit? We have a nurse, Kaya- she could treat that for you."

Suspicion lanced up Sora's spine. "You said you're not marines… Are you bounty hunters?"

That made Usopp laugh and Vivi giggle. It took several minutes for them to calm down enough to answer him. Sora frowned. Vivi finally quieted and explained with a smile. "If you're asking because you have a bounty on your head, you don't need to worry. Our captain and his older brother are quite notorious in their own right."

"Pirates?" Sora gripped his mallet more tightly. Usopp squeaked. Vivi nodded and motioned for Sora to calm down.

"Yes we're pirates, but we're not here to hurt anyone. Our navigator and our captain's little sister are sick; we came to see a doctor."

Sora blinked in confusion. "I thought you said you had a nurse?"

"Kaya didn't know what to do," Usop put in, "She doesn't have any experience with Grand Line diseases. We have lots of bandages though." The bruised youth looked pointedly at Sora's neck.

It had stopped bleeding for now- Sora had always been a fast healer- but without proper care the wound would probably just reopen again. The young man nodded. "Alright. Thanks."

 **BLUEJAY**

I woke up on a bed in a strange room. Nami was in the next bed over, stirring but not yet awake. Ace, Luffy, and Coby were a tangled lump in a corner; Sanji dozed in a chair by Nami's bed. The other chair in the room was occupied by a granny who dressed like a teenager in funky purple bellbottoms and a crop top. She was reading when I woke up, but her eyes immediately flicked in my direction when I sat up.

"You'd better not be thinking of getting out of bed."

"Oro?"

"Your brothers warned me about you. If you try to get out of that bed I'll sedate you." Oh great. The only doctor on the island and she was an older Kaya with worse social skills. I sat nicely, not wanting her to go through with the threat. Being sedated wasn't fun.

"It was lucky you came here," the old lady continued. "That fever you and Ginger had, it hasn't been seen on civilized islands in over a hundred years. No one else would've known how to treat it. What've you kids been doing lately?"

"Fighting candle-painters on an island full of dinosaurs."

The doctor snorted. "Yep, that would do it."

A yawn to my right alerted us to Nami waking up; Sanji accompanied her, blinking blearily. The navigator yawned and looked around. "Where are we?"

"Drum Castle. I'll give you the same warning I gave the little tiger: get out of that bed before I say so and I'll sedate you."

Tiny footsteps sounded from the hall. They were accompanied by a squeaky voice as something small and fluffy entered the room. Whatever it was wore a battered pink hat and carried a basket of herbs.

"Doctrine, I've got more feverfew like you sa- Ah! They're awake!"

The basket of herbs dropped to the ground as the tiny creature jumped out of the room. It- he- tried to hide behind the door frame… Only it didn't go so well. He had his head hidden behind wood and stone while his body was out in open space. It was like he was reverse-peeking at us.

Nami sweatdropped. "I think you're doing it wrong."

Shifting, the tiny creature peeked at us properly. I groped around for my glasses. Once I'd retrieved them I could make out antlers and hooves and a shiny blue nose. It was a little reindeer.

"So cute!" I felt my eyes turn into stars.

A blush became visible through the reindeer's thick fur. "Complimenting me won't make me happy you jerk!" His happy wiggling said otherwise.

The stars in my eyes got even bigger. "He's so cute and he talks!" I took one of my socks off and threw it at Luffy's face. The smell made him twitch awake.

"Huh? Blue? You okay?"

I pointed to the reindeer. "He's tiny, he's cute, and he talks. We need him."

"Talking reindeer?" I'd never seen Nii-chan come to so quickly. "Yosh!" My rubber brother tore out of the room after the suddenly terrified and retreating reindeer.

The granny doctor raised her eyebrows. "Are you pirates trying to poach my apprentice?"

I made a face. "Poach? We're not gonna eat him- he talks! But he's cute and cool, so we wanna recruit him."

Sanji snorted. "Venison is better grilled anyway."

Then the rest of what the doctor said hit me. "Wait… Apprentice? He's a doctor?"

Nod. "Chopper was the one who treated you two. I wonder…" Doctor Kureha looked in the direction Chopper and Luffy had gone. "Could that little captain of yours heal Chopper's heart?"

"He healed mine." Ace woke with a yawn. "Hey Blue. How're you feeling?"

"Better."

"Good. We called Dadan while you were out. She said if you get sick again she'll give Gramps our number and let _him_ worry about us."

I winced. "I'll try not to."

"You'd better."

Doctor Kureha smirked. "Well, at least you brats have a proper respect for your elders. Who's the clever sap who beat three pirate grandkids into shape?"

"Four. We've got another brother back on our ship." Ace and I paled; I started to shake. My oldest brother was immediately at my side.

"It's okay Blue. He's not here; he doesn't know where we are."

"But you and Nii-chan have bounties now. He knows we're pirates. He'll find us."

Ace-nii rubbed my back and looked at Doctor Kureha. "Yeah… He literally beat stuff into us, the shitty geezer. And I wouldn't call him clever."

I nodded. "Gramps isn't smart, just stubborn. And terrifying. He's _not_ gonna be happy when he catches us."

"Catches you?" Doctor Kureha raised an eyebrow. Ace and I nodded.

"He's a marine. As for who he is… Lu/Nii-chan's full name is Monkey D Luffy."

The doctor laughed for a full five minutes. That was a pretty good sign that she'd met Gramps at some point. Her laughter suddenly stopped as she fixed us with a knowing stare. "Only him? I thought you said you were siblings?"

"We were adopted." I picked at the sheets. "Sabo and I aren't sure we should use the name; we weren't born D."

"Sabo's the fourth one you mentioned, eh? And what about Mr Gol here?" Kureha laughed at our shocked faces. "Oh, don't look so surprised. I met your parents when they came through."

Ace looked away. "Portgas. I use my mother's name. And my father is Monkey D Dragon."

"An equally dangerous lineage to claim." Doctor Kureha's eyes twinkled. "Well, well, well… Maybe you little monkeys _are_ just what Chopper needs."

Nami smiled. "If anyone can help Chopper, Luffy can. He's saved most of us at some point." Our navigator suddenly sat up perfectly straight. "Speaking of saving… We have somewhere we _really_ need to go. How long do Bluejay and I need to stay in bed?"

"Three more days."

"But Vivi's country can't wait!" I stood up. Faster than any of us could react, Doctor Kureha held a scalpel to my neck.

"Sit down. My patients only leave if they're cured or if they're dead."

Ace burst into flame. I held up a hand to stop him before he did anything stupid. My heart went cold; when I spoke, my voice came out flat and hard. It was nothing like anything I'd felt or done before.

"You can't kill me." Not won't. _Can't_. I wasn't sure where my certainty came from.

Doctor Kureha frowned. "How did you do that?"

"Oro?" As suddenly as it came, the cold certainty was gone. "Do what?"

"Your eyes changed colour; that's impossible. Are you sure you weren't born a D?"

I turned to Ace, Nami, and Sanji. "What's she talking about?"

" _Wow_ that's creepy." Nami shuddered. Ace blinked.

"She's right Blue. Your eyes turned silver."

Coby, still asleep until now, woke with a start. When he saw my eyes he jumped. "Ah! Did Bluejay-san eat a Devil Fruit?"

"No." I sweatdropped. "How's it creepy that my eyes turned silver, but not that Nami's can turn into beri symbols, or that everyone's become stars on a regular basis?"

"Oh… Good point." You knew things were weird when even Doctor Kureha spoke in unison with my crew mates.

The doctor quickly regained her composure. "Sit _down_ girl. I don't care how well you're feeling or what freaky stuff you can do with your eyes, the virus isn't out of your system yet."

"We have a nurse and we're gonna recruit Chopper. Between the two of them they can keep an eye on Nami and me. Our crew needs to get to Alabasta as quickly as we can."

"You seem awfully confident that my apprentice will join your crew."

I smirked. "Of course I am. Nii-chan's the man who will be king of the pirates; no one can resist him."

 **SORA**

Sora wasn't sure what he'd expected when Vivi and Usopp invited them to their pirate ship, but it wasn't a smiling ram figurehead. Nor was he expecting the deck to be occupied by a pale, delicate girl and a fidgety royal-blue gentleman. Just what kind of pirates were they?

The gentleman in the top hat jumped as Vivi, Usopp, and Sora approached. "Any sign of Zoro?"

"No!" Vivi called back. "Are Ghin and Carue back yet?"

"Not yet." The gentleman removed his hat and ran a hand through his hair as the approaching party came aboard. "Honestly… Sometimes he seems like such a good first mate, then he does something like this… Eh? Vivi, Usopp, who's this?"

"Oh! This is Sora. He's one of the islanders who was hurt when the pirates attacked," Vivi explained. "One of his wounds reopened after the avalanche, so we thought maybe Kaya could treat him, since there's a doctor shortage and all…"

Nodding, the blond gentleman held out a hand as he re-placed his top hat. "Sabo of the Straw Hat Pirates. Welcome aboard."

Sora shook the offered hand. "Sora Verne- sort of a bandit, I guess. I stole a thing by accident and the World Government doesn't like me much for it. The islanders let me hide here if I help them fight off invaders."

The pale girl- who Sora assumed was Nurse Kaya- practically attacked with bandages before introducing herself. Her speed at wrapping his neck told Sora she had plenty of experience with patients who couldn't sit still and frequently reopened their wounds. Once she was done she sat back with a satisfied smile.

"There, much better. Hello Sora-san, I'm Kaya. Please don't remove your bandages like my idiot crew mates are wont to do; I'll be forced to sedate you."

"Noted." Somehow, sweet little Kaya's smile was quite terrifying. Sora didn't want to get on her bad side.

"So," Sabo said, leaning on a rail, "A bandit eh?"

"Not by choice." Sora winced. "Like I said, there was an accident and I took something important without knowing what it was or that it belonged to anyone. The government decided that they wanted it back badly enough to put a price on my head, but not enough to actually come after me themselves."

"Typical," Sabo snorted. Before anyone could say anything else a voice called up from the shore.

"Don Sabo! I found him!"

Minutes later, those already on the pirate ship were joined by a wiry man who resembled a Great Dane, a muscular youth with green hair, a velociraptor, and a giant duck. Once upon a time the last two would've startled Sora, but not anymore- he'd seen some weird stuff since he ended up in this world. He was more surprised that the raptor treated the green-haired boy as if he were its mother.

Kaya shook her head. "Oh Zoro-san, what are we going to do with you?"

"It wasn't my fault!" the swordsman protested. "Captain Snappy took off after a squirrel! By the time I caught him he was trying to board that weird submarine we met on the way here."

Sabo's eyes flashed; Sora instinctively took a step back. The blond gave off a strong sense of _angry-alpha-challenged-territory_. "That King Wapol guy again?"

"Yeah." Zoro shrugged dismissively. "Ghin and I took care of a bunch of mooks that were causing trouble in town, but none of the big guns were around by the time we got there. I think Dalton said they were headed for the castle."

Usopp started to shake. "Isn't that where the others went? Where the doctor is?"

"We should go check on them," Sabo decided. He was leaking a glacial type of killing intent that made the air of Drum Kingdom feel warm.

Sora shuddered at the thought of Wapol coming back. Hiding in Drum was much easier without the king; unlike his subjects, Wapol would've handed Sora over without a second thought. That or trapped him and tried to use the young man's ability for his own gain. Making a quick decision, Sora accompanied the pirates as they headed towards the Drum Rockies.

"Hey! Follow me; I know a short cut."

Vivi smiled at him. "Thank you. Our friends mean a lot to us… Not that there's anything to worry about! I'm sure the captain has everything under control. But checking up on them faster will be nice…"

"No problem." Sora felt himself flush, as he often did when girls paid attention to him.

 **BLUEJAY**

Doctor Kureha had just finished telling us Chopper's story when a cacophony of shouting rose from outside. I looked out the window. Chopper and Luffy stood in the courtyard below, facing off against a number of odd looking people. I recognized one of them as the Wapol guy who'd tried to eat the _Merry_.

"Ace-nii! Look down there!"

"Crap!" Ace jumped to his feet. "Coby, Sanji, with me. Blue, _stay_."

"But-!"

" _ **Stay**_." A little bit of emotion-punch slipped through. Ace ruffled my hair. "Think of it this way- even if you've recovered, Nami hasn't. You're the last line of defense if she's attacked."

"Fine." I pouted. Ace chuckled.

"Don't worry; you'll get your chance to fight again soon."

I watched out the window as my crew mates engaged the invaders. After Doctor Kureha left, Nami and I opened the window to better hear what was going on. Although it certainly wasn't pleasant to listen to. The Wapol guy was throwing a tantrum about how he was the king, what he says goes, he would have us all executed… Your usual self-absorbed noble rubbish.

It made me want to punch him in the face.

There were a number of other weirdos there too. A guy with a static-y afro and a fire-happy jester- Kuromarimo and Chess- tried to gang up on Sanji until Ace moved to intercept Chess' flames. Coby engaged a page boy armed with some sort of polearm- a glaive, I think. Chopper and Luffy looked like they might face Wapol together. At least, until the asshole king shot the flag that fluttered on the castle's turret.

I'd never seen Luffy move as fast as he did to protect Chopper's Jolly Roger. Nii-chan rocketed up the castle wall so quickly that the snow steamed around him. When the smoke and steam cleared Luffy stood proudly atop the turret, flag safe and whole in his hand- though the base of the flagpole had been shattered.

"Chopper! Kick his ass!"

Watching four fights at once was tricky, especially since Ace and Chess' was so flashy. A few trends became clear early on. Kuromarimo's hairballs may have weighed Sanji down, but something was missing from the boxer's strategy. Similarly, Chess didn't know how to fight someone who couldn't be burned. Wapol kept trying to get close to his underlings for some reason. The three of them were clearly used to fighting as a team and didn't know how to deal with working alone. Their tactics were broken.

Too bad for them that Straw Hats could work both together and apart. Sanji smirked and spat his cigarette into Kuromarimo's face, blinding the boxer with sparks. A heavy kick sent Kuromarimo staggering into Chess.

"Mouton Shot!"

"Hiken!" Both retainers were hit by a flaming fist. Since Kuromarimo's hairballs were dry enough for Chess to use as tinder if their strategy was working, this did not bode well for them.

Ace turned to Sanji. "Need help getting the hairballs off Spirals?"

"Not from you Pyro." Our cook went over to a tree and used it to rub himself clean of static-y hair.

Coby ran circles around Wapol's page boy. The glaive kept him from getting close, but he was too fast for his opponent to hit. Then our little marine smiled.

"Flash Pistol!" Kicking off a tree, Coby seemed to disappear for a second, reappearing with a fist in his target's face. Now inside the reach of the glaive he struck out with a series of rapid-fire kicks that sent the page boy flying. "Sea Stars!"

Meanwhile Wapol was laughing at Chopper, though it sounded like false bravado. "You can't beat me! I know all the weaknesses of zoans from Dalton."

"We'll see about that." Chopper pulled a yellow candy out of his pocket and popped it into his mouth. "Rumble."

Chopper changed, growing taller and leaping into the air. As he dropped he changed again, his arms bulking up as he struck Wapol. "Kokutei Roseo!"

Hoof prints appeared on Wapol's chest. The king was knocked flat. Chopper returned to his tiny shape as Wapol struggled to his feet. Two little hooves came up in front of Chopper's eye. "Scope."

I couldn't see what that was supposed to do. Maybe help Chopper aim? He got big again quickly, smashing a hoof into the back of Wapol's throat as the king's mouth opened. I cheered. Wapol stood one more time as Chopper reverted to his tiny form yet again. The reindeer looked exhausted; transforming like that must take a lot out of him. Had Chopper been the only fighter, Wapol would probably have pushed past into the castle. But Ace, Sanji, and Coby surrounded the bratty king, and Luffy jumped down from the castle roof.

"Leave Chopper alone." Nii-chan's hat shadowed his eyes. Ace-nii nodded.

"We don't like bastard nobles like you. Leave."

"How dare you?" Wapol's voice was really annoying by now. "I'm the king! That means these people, this land, they're mine to use as I like!"

"You're wrong!" Coby's fists clenched. "A good king serves and protects his people!"

Sanji lit a fresh cigarette. "If he won't give up on his own, who gets to do the honours?"

"Rock-paper-scissors?" Luffy held out a hand, picking his nose with the other. With no better ideas the others did the same- minus the nose picking.

"Wait!" Nami called down as Sanji won the contest. "Before you get rid of him see if he has any valuables!"

"Of course Nami-swan!"

The so-called king didn't have much on him. Ace found a key and a small bag of gold in Wapol's pockets. Since the key appeared to be for something in the castle, my brother gave it to Doctor Kureha.

Sanji kicked Wapol hard in the gut. The bastard king disappeared over the horizon with a mystery twinkle. Moments later the rest of our crew appeared around the corner of the castle, led by a young man with a massive wooden mallet. Sabo immediately ran to Ace and Luffy.

"Where's Blue? Are she and Nami alright? Where's Wapol?"

"We're fine!" I called down. Luffy giggled.

"Already sent the hippo man flying. He was being mean to Chopper."

"Save some for me next time," Sabo said, ruffling Luffy's hair. Ace Laughed.

"I knew you liked beating up corrupt nobles, but really?"

"It's not that. If I keep missing the big fights I'll never get a bounty. I _don't_ want to go down in history as a noble you and Lu kidnapped."

"Good point."

Nami and I took the opportunity to sneak down to the others while Doctor Kureha was trying to figure out what Wapol's key was for. I hugged Chopper from behind, snuggling his soft fur. "Nii-chan, Choppy's a doctor! If he comes with us Nami and I can leave now."

Luffy's eyes turned into stars. "He's a doctor too? So cool! We definitely need him now!"

Kaya smiled. "It _would_ be nice to have some assistance in getting Zoro-san and Bluejay-san to look after their health."

The fluffy doctor in my arms squirmed. "What's wrong with you people?! Why do you want me to join your crew so badly? I'm a monster! Reindeer aren't supposed to talk! I have a blue nose!"

"So?" Most of our crew shrugged in unison. Ghin chuckled.

"You're no more of a monster than the Dons are. It doesn't have to be a bad thing."

Luffy nodded eagerly. "Yeah! Being a monster just means you've got special ways to protect your nakama!"

"We're all monsters here." Ace lit his hand on fire as he adjusted his hat.

Captain Snappy poked his head out of Zoro's jacket and chirped. Chopper was startled at first. Then the reindeer's eyes went wide with awe. "Did you guys really eat a goldfish the size of a whale?"

"Of course! I, Captain Usopp, single-handedly- Eep!" Our sniper shut down as Ace lit his pants on fire.

Vivi came over and patted Chopper as I cuddled him. "You can talk to animals too? That's amazing!"

"Complimenting me won't make me happy you jerks! A reindeer can't be a pirate anyway…"

"Just give in," Zoro told our doctor. "Luffy won't take no for an answer."

"Tell me about it," Sanji sighed.

"Shishishi! Yep!" Luffy grinned. Then he looked at the mallet wielder who'd arrived with our crew. "Ne- Sabo, who's this?"

The stranger came closer and bowed slightly. "I'm Sora Verne. Vivi, Usopp, and Kaya were kind enough to help me after the avalanche, so I showed them a shortcut up the mountain."

Coby and Sanji sweatdropped. "There was a shortcut?"

Sora rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. It's not commonly known though…" The young man trailed off, ice-blue eyes going wide. He was staring at Chopper and I, making us uncomfortable.

"What?" I snapped. Sora shook his head, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Kay-Kay… Is that you?"

"Oro?"

My brothers frowned. Luffy hugged me from behind while Ace and Sabo each placed a hand on my head. "Blue, do you know this guy?"

I shook my head. "Don't think so."

"But… Come on Kay-Kay, don't you remember me? I know you haven't seen me in ten years, but still…"

"Sorry, I've never met you before."

"So mean," Sora sighed. "Camy and Brandy would be hurt. How could you forget your cousin?"

"Cousin?" I looked at my brothers. "Do I have cousins?"

"You never mentioned any."

Chopper squirmed. "It's not surprising she forgot, if you haven't seen each other in ten years. Bluejay's about my age, right? The human brain can't easily retain memories from before the age of about four or five."

Sora nodded. "Kay-Kay disappeared when she was four; we thought she was dead. Uncle J and Aunt K were so sad…"

"Blue's my sister now!" Luffy pouted. "Finders' keepers!"

Sabo nodded. "She's been living with us for ten years; you can't expect her to go back to people she can't even remember." Somehow it felt like Fate was laughing at us while Sabo-nii spoke.

A pained look crossed Sora's face. "I couldn't no matter how much I wanted to. You were talking about monsters before… Kay-Kay and I don't even come from this world."

Everyone fell silent. Eventually Luffy unwound himself from my back. His hat shadowed his eyes. "Blue, help Chopper pack and get down to the _Merry_. We'll meet you there."

"Nii-chan…"

"I'm not mad Blue. I just need to talk to this Sora guy. _Alone_."

"Oh, not totally alone Lu." Ace-nii's tattoos burst into flame. Sabo's pipe glinted menacingly. I shuddered and did as I was told.

Sneaking through the castle to avoid Doctor Kureha wasn't easy. I carried Chopper to avoid his hooves clattering on the stone floor. The little reindeer protested the whole way to his room that he couldn't be a pirate; luckily he did so quietly.

Setting Chopper down on his bed, I started packing for him. "Look, Hiraluk's Jolly Roger is special to you, yeah? It makes you brave, bolster's your determination?"

The little doctor nodded.

"Then you're already one of us. Don't you want to get out and see the world?"

"Yes… But I owe Doctrine so much…"

"And Sanji owed Zeff. If Kureha's anything like the old chef she'll be proud if you join us."

"…Are you sure my being a monster doesn't bother anyone?" Chopper stared at the floor. I reached over and pet him.

"Join the club- half our crew are monsters. Nii-chan and Ace-nii are made of rubber and fire, Sabo-nii and Zoro can survive wounds that would kill a normal person, I'm apparently from another world… It doesn't mean we're bad or make us care about each other any less."

Big brown eyes lit up like stars. Chopper jumped off his bed and hugged my leg. "Me too! I want a family like that too!"

"Silly Choppy… Why do you think we're packing?"

Between the two of us Chopper's bag was packed in record time. We were just about to leave the room when Doctor Kureha appeared in the doorway. She looked livid. Scalpels glinted between her fingers.

"Are you poaching my apprentice, Brat?"

"Gah! Run Choppy! I'm right behind you!"

The little doctor turned into his full reindeer form and bolted, bag on his back. I followed closely. Kureha raged at us as we fled the castle, throwing far more scalpels (and eventually other pointy things) than I'd known a single person could carry. Something warm trickled down my back.

Chopper led me to a well-hidden rope, thick enough to be used as a bridge and stretched taught down to near the harbour. We ran down without a backwards glance. Curiously enough, the hail of pointy things stopped as soon as we set foot on the rope.

"Where are the others?" Chopper panted. I shrugged.

"Nii-chan said to meet them at the _Merry_."

 **SORA**

Sora didn't like the looks the three brothers were giving him as one by one they sent their crew mates away. They reminded him of his Fruit's base instincts: possessive, territorial, wild. Even the one that dressed like a noble had an alpha's presence. Sora raised his hands, palms out.

"Hey, calm down. I didn't mean to make anyone angry. I was just surprised is all; I never thought I'd see my baby cousin again."

"Blue's not yours!" Luffy growled. Sora's stomach flipped. That growl was _pissed-alpha-threatened-clutch-mad_ ; it made his zoan form want to burrow into the sand and flee. His human side, however, still thought he could talk it out.

"Hey, it's not like I could take Kay-Kay home anyways. I've been in your world two years and never found a way back."

"Her name isn't Kay-Kay! It's Bluejay! And like Hell I'd ever let you take my sister!"

Oh crap. Sora stumbled back as a rubber fist sprang towards him. So much for talking the pirates down. His best bet was probably to just get out of there; hopefully his powers were up for it.

"Wings of the Rainbow Serpent!"

For a moment Sora feared it hadn't worked- he still didn't have the best handle on his powers. But the filmy, multi-coloured limbs spread from his back just in time. Sora leapt into the air to evade a second rubber punch before wheeling and flapping off towards the sunset.

"Gomu-Gomu no Rocket!" What Sora's escape plan hadn't taken into account was Luffy's ability to launch himself at high speeds. Elastic arms wrapped around the zoan user, pinning Sora's limbs to his body. _All_ of them.

"Gomu-Gomu no Balloon!" Inflated rubber broke his fall, but Sora was still trapped. He didn't dare struggle; the strength in those skinny rubber arms was phenomenal and might tear his wings. On the plus side Luffy's aura was less _pissed-alpha-threatened_ now, shifting towards _happy-alpha-love-obey_.

"Join my crew!" And the rubber man's eyes had turned into stars.

Ace and Sabo stared, the protective anger in their eyes fading to confusion. Sora was right there with them. He'd never seen anyone change their attitude so quickly before.

It was Sabo who broke the ensuing silence. "Lu… What?"

"He's got a cool wing power!" Luffy exclaimed, squeezing tighter. Sora hid his wings away to prevent them being damaged. "Besides, if he's part of the crew he can't take Blue away!"

"Is it just me," Ace wanted to know, "Or is that one of the most reasonable things Lu's ever said?"

"Don't get used to it," Sabo advised.

Sora decided it was safe to squirm now. He was starting to have trouble breathing. "I can't join you if you strangle me."

"Shishishi… Oops." Luffy released him. "So, you gonna join?"

"Hmm, let's see…" Sora pretended to think. "Join your crew or risk being beaten up because you're worried I'll kidnap my cousin. Of course I'll join."

"Yay!" Luffy did a little victory dance before picking his nose. "So… What _is_ your power anyway?"

Ace and Sabo sweatdropped; Sora smiled. "Mythical zoan- I ate the Draco-Draco no Mi: Model Rainbow Serpent. Still not very good with it though."

"A dragon? Cool! So you can breathe fire and stuff?"

"No. A rainbow serpent is a dragon of Dreamtime."

 **BLUEJAY**

Chpper and I were the first ones back to the _Merry_. I got him set up on one of the last bunks in the men's cabin before we heard the sounds of anyone else returning. Our new doctor gasped when I turned to go greet them.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Oro? Say something about what?" I looked back at the reindeer.

"You're hurt!"

I shrugged. "Can't be that bad if I didn't notice it. Come on, let's introduce you to everybody." I picked Chopper up before he could protest.

Most of the crew was there, barring my brothers. Kaya immediately marched over and flicked me in the forehead. I put Chopper down and pouted. "What was that for?"

"You're hurt and you were cuddling the doctor instead of letting him treat you."

"It can't be that bad! I don't feel anything!"

Kaya reached around to my back and tugged on something. Seconds later she was waving a bloody scalpel in front of my face. Everyone except Zoro winced. Our nurse flicked my forehead again. "How did you not notice this? It was stuck in your shoulder."

"…Oops?"

"There's no oops about it. Sit down and let me have a look."

"Fine." I perched on the cannon in the gathering dark. "Ghin, light the lanterns so my brothers can find the ship."

"Yes Donna."

Chopper and Kaya exchanged medical stories while Kaya bandaged my shoulder. The little reindeer was curious about my inability to feel pain, but as I'd never told Kaya about my shingles she had no explanation. My brothers appeared not long after; Sora accompanied them.

"We should set sail," Sabo suggested in a tone that was more of an order. "Doctor Kureha threatened to come after us for stealing her apprentice and patients."

Luffy nodded. "Let's go! Oh, and this is Sora. He's coming with us too."

None of our crew mates were surprised as we rushed to raise the anchor and unfurl the sails. Usopp climbed up to the crow's nest; Sanji took the helm. Sora looked lost as we scrambled around him. Zoro chuckled.

"So, how'd they do it this time? Blackmail? Save you from someone? Appeal to your dream?"

"Huh?"

Our first mate smirked. "Luffy and the others… They don't recruit like normal people. So how and why? It looked like Luffy was gonna tear you a new one when we left."

Sora winced. I swung over and tied off my last line. "Nii-chan gets worried that I'll leave sometimes. The four of us have… _issues_ that way."

"I noticed," Sora said dryly. He turned back to Zoro. "To answer your question… Blackmail. Captain Luffy decided that my power is cool and basically said that if I ever wanted to see Kay-Kay again I had to join the crew or risk being beaten up."

Zoro nodded. He didn't share his story though. The swordsman was embarrassed about the state we'd found him in.

I made a face at the boy who claimed to be my cousin. "Stop calling me Kay-Kay. My name's Bluejay- Monkey D Bluejay." Claiming the name for the first time felt good. It felt like _family_ , the same way drinking sake with my brothers had years before.

"No." Sora shook his head and leaned back against a rail. "I- I don't remember your full name- none of the grown-ups talked about you much after you disappeared- but I remember what Camy and Brandy always used to call you. You were always closer to them… Still, since they're not here, I guess it's my job to look after you for them."

"Not another one!" I groaned and flopped over the cannon. "Don't you dare turn out like Ace-nii! I love him, but one is enough!"

Sora eyed my eldest brother as Ace hauled the anchor up. Alone. "I don't think there's a danger of that."

The _Going Merry_ slowly edged away from Drum Kingdom. Before we'd gone far we heard a tremendous explosion behind us. As one our crew turned to see what had happened. It sounded like a dozen cannons had gone off at once.

Pink clouds filled the night sky, glowing above the Drum Rockies. It looked like the sakura blossoms Makino had bought from a travelling merchant once. Beautiful.

Not far from me, Chopper was in tears. He gripped the rim of his hat and smiled. "Doctor… Doctrine…"


	14. Filler Barque- An Ordinary Day

**A/N: Just a heads up, after this chapter expect up to a month's wait for the next one. I have final exams for the next two weeks, plus Alabasta's one of the first really long arcs. I'm sorry, but you'll have to live with this Filler Barque for now. Also, apparently I lied. Filler Barques aren't that much shorter than average chapters. Oops.**

According to Nami it would take us a few days to reach Alabasta. For most that would've meant downtime, a period of peace and relaxation. Not so for us Straw Hats. I was pretty sure some of us didn't know the meaning of the word peace- or at least, had a very skewed definition of it. Ah well, relaxation is boring anyways.

Luffy started the day by launching a surprise attack at Ace. "One!" Nii-chan shouted loudly as his fist flew through Ace-nii's head with a spark. Our oldest brother caught Luffy in the chest with a kick, firing Nii-chan into the water. Zoro and Coby were both over the side before they even heard the splash.

Chopper stared, mouth open. "What's that for?"

"Sparring." I shrugged, kicking Sabo in the back of the head. My blond brother rolled to his feet and swept his pipe through my knees without missing a beat. I continued explaining as I fell.

"We fight- oof!- fifty times with each sibling every day we can." I jumped up and met the next swing of Sabo-nii's pipe with a double palm strike. It still pushed me backwards over a meter. "Nii-chan and I can only beat Sabo-nii or Ace-nii if we team up though."

"Ace beats me 26-24," Sabo added, striking rapidly with the end of his pipe. "Five Toes of the Emperor! And Blue's only ever beaten Lu once, after a visit with Gramps. Old man always goes easier on her."

"White Tiger's Hunting Song!" My barrage of strikes was cut short by Sabo spinning around me to hit the small of my back, knocking me into a rail.

"Try not to damage the ship," Nami sighed, not looking up from the map she was working on.

"Have we ever?" I groaned. "Usopp's the one who broke the anchor chain."

"There's a first time for everything."

Coby returned with Luffy, Zoro climbing up behind them. Once all were dry Nii-chan immediately jumped Ace-nii again. Our family spar proceeded as normal from there. Once we were done Luffy beckoned to our crew mates with a smile.

"Shishishi! Zoro, Coby, Sanji, Ghin, come on!"

The deck of the _Merry_ soon dissolved into a seemingly mindless brawl as all our front-line fighters trained together. There was no pattern to what we did. I ducked under Sabo's pipe only to immediately team up with him to take down Ace; Zoro knocked Coby into Sanji while simultaneously launching Ghin for a headlong attack against Luffy. It was like being in a ball of wrestling puppies- if those puppies had weapons and supernatural powers.

Sora hovered around the edges of the chaotic mass, looking like he wanted to join in but wasn't sure of his reception. I answered the unspoken question by grabbing his arm and using him as a human shield against one of Sanji's kicks. My cousin yelped.

"What was that for?!"

"You're supposed to be one of us, ne? If you didn't want to spar you should've stuck with Nami, Kaya, Usopp, Chopper, and Vivi." I pointed to the designated 'reading area.'

Captain Snappy chirped in agreement, gnawing on the hem of Sora's cargo shorts. My cousin sighed and swung his mallet at my head. I ducked out of the way, sticking my tongue out as I kicked Ghin in the chest.

It took about two hours of brawling for everyone to get worn out- some in deeper states of exhaustion than others. Ace-nii promptly had a narcoleptic fit, flopping back against the mast. Zoro joined him. Sanji and Ghin leaned on each other as they made their way to the kitchen so the former could make lunch. Sabo grabbed the day's paper and sat down beside Chopper to read. Coby and I checked the sails before simultaneously deciding that the rigging made perfect hammocks. Luffy bounced to his spot on the figurehead. Sora, looking possibly the most tired of anyone bar Ace and Zoro, looked around in confusion before settling on leaning against Carue for a nap.

At least, I think that's what he meant to do. My cousin never really got that far. On his way towards the giant duck Sora tripped over Ace's leg. He stumbled, apparently too tired from sparring to catch himself. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how you saw it) someone else was there to catch him. Kind of.

Sora and Vivi hit the deck together with a thud. Both their faces turned such a bright red they were practically glowing. Vivi squeaked loudly. One of Sora's hands rested awkwardly on the princess' chest.

"Ah! Sorry!" Sora leapt backwards, tripping over Ace again to land on his butt. "It was an accident!"

Vivi squeaked again and buried her face in Carue's feathers, apparently trying to hide by becoming one with the duck. "It- it's o-okay!"

Well… My cousin was totally awkward and a bit of a dork with women. That was good to know. A series of clicking noises brought my attention to Nami. She smiled not-so-innocently, stroking Warner's shell as the video den-den mushi nibbled the corner of her map.

 **xXx**

While Sanji was busy preparing lunch, Ghin emerged from the galley and shot a questioning look at Sora and Chopper. My cousin was still too red and embarrassed to do or say anything, but the doctor returned the man's curious stare. "What's wrong Ghin? Can I help you?"

"Nothing's wrong little guy. Just wondering if you're gonna do the same as the rest of us."

"Huh?" Chopper tilted his head to one side in confusion. It was so cute! I immediately swung down to scoop the little doctor into a hug.

"Fluffy!"

Ghin sweatdropped. "Putting the Donna aside… A while ago the whole crew got tattoos of our Jolly Roger- the Dons call them nakama tattoos. You might've seen Don Ace's since he quit wearing shirts."

Chopper nodded. "Yeah, I've seen Ace's tattoo. Did you do that? It's really good."

"Thanks. Yeah, I did." Ghin rolled up his sleeve to show the doctor his own mark. "You don't have to, but I can do you if you'd like. Most of the guys get theirs on their back, which is probably easier than those little arms of yours."

Dark reindeer eyes looked up at me. I smiled and rolled up my sleeve to show Chopper my mark. He blinked.

"They're all different…"

"Well yeah!" I laughed. "Of course they are! So are we! It's the different things we bring to the table that make the Straw Hats strong, see?"

The little doctor nodded and wiggled in my arms. "That's cool! I want one too! Make mine with antlers!" Chopper squirmed until I let him down, then ran and tugged on Ghin's pants. The tattoo artist smiled.

"Alright little guy. Let's get to work."

They headed off into the men's cabin, which doubled as Ghin's studio. A breath later, Vivi brushed past me as she followed them. "Could- could I get one too?"

Ghin paused, then smiled. "Of course princess."

 **xXx**

After lunch I played tag with Luffy, Usopp, and a heavily bandaged Chopper. Normally Coby would've joined us, but it was the pink-haired boy's turn to do dishes. The game eventually dissolved into a wrestling match that Nii-chan won. His rubber limbs gave him an unfair advantage in immobilizing the rest of us and tying us up.

"Thingy off the starboard bow!" Ghin called from the crow's nest. He was finally getting used to our terminology. A few minutes later his voice drifted down again. "It's a marine ship, Don Luffy."

"Just one?" Nii-chan shouted back with a pout.

"Aye!"

Our crew gathered by the mast, as was standard operating procedure for these situations. Sora and Chopper stood off to one side, uncertain. Luffy picked his nose. "Who's turn is it this time?"

"Blue and I didn't get to fight in Drum," Sabo supplied. "Although… Nami, Usopp, and the new guys could maybe use the experience."

"What about me?" Kaya asked sweetly. Usopp grabbed her hand nervously.

"Don't give them ideas! You're getting better, but I don't think your health is up for a big fight yet. And I have obsessive must-protect-Kaya disorder, so I can't go either."

Chopper panicked. "I've never heard of that disorder before! Is it dangerous? Is it contagious?"

"It's fictional." Ace lit Usopp's pants on fire before the liar could say anything. "Don't mess with the doctor's head."

"Hey! Quit that! I've only got so many pairs of pants!"

"Then maybe you should stop lying all the time!"

"Will you two calm down?!" Nami hit Usopp over the head while Sabo took Ace. I sighed and shook my head.

"Seriously, before we do anything to the marine ship, shouldn't we find out if Gramps is there first?"

My brothers paled. Luffy hid in a barrel while Ace and Sabo dove into the galley to cower under a table. I myself had instinctively jumped into the _Moon Boat_ and burrowed into its sail before I realized what I was doing. Our crew (bar Sora, Chopper, and Vivi, who were confused) groaned.

"Not again." Zoro ground a knuckle into his forehead.

Coby sighed. "One day we really need to figure out who this grandfather is that scares them so much."

"Do they do this a lot?" Chopper wanted to know. Ghin shrugged.

"Often enough. The Dons are a strange bunch."

"But Kay-Kay's and my grandparents are all in the other world," Sora said, confused.

"Bluejay-san was adopted by Luffy-san's family when she came here," Kaya reminded him. "It's most likely the captain's grandfather who scares them so."

Somehow only Usopp had the sense to use a spyglass to check the approaching marine ship. "The figurehead's a mermaid in a marine uniform. That your grandpa?"

My brothers and I popped out of our hiding places with relieved smiles. "Nope!"

"So, who fights then?" Zoro rested a hand on his swords. Captain Snappy scrambled up onto his shoulder.

"Hmm… Sabo, Blue, and Zoro!"

"Isn't three of us overkill for such a small ship Lu?"

I grinned before Nii-chan could answer. "Sabo-nii's being silly. There's no kill like overkill. Let's go!"

"Don't forget to raid the treasury!" Nami called after us as we leapt to board the now rather close marine ship.

The boat belonged to a captain with weirdly frilly pink hair- Captain Plier. On a marine captain scale of Morgan to Smoker, he was probably a Negumi-but-with-morals. I wondered if he was related to Coby; the hair certainly made him look like it.

"Tatsumaki!"

"Steel Wings!"

I pouted as Zoro and Sabo blew dozens of marines overboard with spinning attacks. "Oi! Save some for me!"

"Then hurry up." Zoro smirked around _Wado Ichimonji_.

"Grr… Stupid weapon users with their stupid extra reach. Stupid tall people." I settled into a stance and initiated an attack I'd been working on with Coby. Soon I was a blur of colour rushing between marines. Coby was even better at this attack- he occasionally vanished from sight completely. Not that either of us could see where we were hitting or if we were being attacked without our glasses. It still needed work. "Tiger, tiger burning bright/In the forest of the night!"

I didn't knock marines flying like Zoro and Sabo. Instead I ripped little cuts in faces and arms, occasionally knocking the wind out of people as I ran into them or kicked off of them to turn. Sabo smiled when we met amidships.

"So how's the new technique working out?"

"It's hard to steer that fast without my glasses." I shrugged. "Still, can't wait to try it in formation with Coby. As long as we don't hit each other."

"Watch your backs idiots! Tora Gari!" Zoro cut down a couple of marines who tried to attack my brother and I in the few seconds we spoke. We rolled our eyes and got back to the fight.

"Red Tigress Hunting Grounds!"

"Dragon's Tail!"

Very soon the only marine left standing was the captain. He trembled as he was fixed with three maniacal grins. But even as his legs were shaking like leaves, Captain Plier still had the guts to try and threaten us. Sort of.

"I demand you surrender immediately! Hand over Straw Hat, Fire Fist, and the noble and I might let you live!"

Wow, he hadn't even noticed Sabo was one of the ones fighting. How dumb can you get? I yawned. "Can we make him walk the plank?"

Sabo-nii frowned. "We don't have a plank. Do the marines have a plank?"

Zoro shrugged. "Don't think so."

"Too bad…" Sabo sighed with disappointment. I was surprised- he'd never expressed interest in having a plank before. Then again, it was one of the most stereotypical pirate things, wasn't it? Of course my brother would want to make someone walk the plank. And what kind of little sister would I be if I let Sabo-nii be disappointed?

A few Red Tigress attacks and a well-placed kick dislodged a large board from the deck of the marine ship. I busted a hole in the rail and stuck the makeshift plank in place by using several discarded daggers as nails. "Look- plank!"

Our crew mates- watching from the _Merry_ \- laughed. The laughter grew louder as Sabo, Zoro, and I took turns prodding Captain Plier towards the plank. He eventually jumped off after a poke from Zoro's _Yubashiri_.

Captain Plier floated and sputtered below us. I flashed a jaunty salute before racing to empty the treasury for Nami. Sabo and Zoro headed for the storage room. It didn't take us long to get everything we wanted and head back to the _Merry_.

"You can't do this to me!" Captain Plier shouted as he struggled back aboard his ship. As one every Straw Hat except Zoro, Ghin, and Sora stuck out our tongues.

"Pirates!" Usopp punctuated the announcement with a shot from the cannon, crippling the marines' rudder.

 **xXx**

"Should we call Dadan again?" Luffy asked as we waited for dinner. "She'll want to know that Blue'n Nami are alright."

"Maybe later." Ace dropped down beside me with a bottle of sake in one hand and Blackstar in the other. "I've got a better idea. Let's call the old geezer."

"Marine HQ will trace the call," Sabo pointed out. "Even if we use the white den-den Dad gave us, calling them directly makes cloaking phenomena useless. It's just for preventing eavesdropping."

"The white one's name is Snowball." I leaned my head on Sabo-nii's shoulder.

Ace waved the sake bottle. "I've thought of that. If a den-den's drunk they can't trace the signal. It'll disguise our voices too."

"You're not giving Blackstar alcohol!" I snapped. "What if you poison it?"

Chopper paused as he walked past. "Actually, alcohol does less damage to den-den mushi than to humans, so go ahead. Just don't let Captain Snappy or Carue have any." The little reindeer continued on his way.

My eldest brother stuck out his tongue- which turned into a small flame. "See, the doctor says it's fine."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. But if we end up with a hungover den-den _you're_ cleaning up after it."

Blackstar seemed to enjoy sake far more than I ever had. Soon the snail's dark skin was weirdly flushed and its eyes crossed. Our little den-den mushi hiccoughed as we dialed Gramps' office number.

Garp picked up his end before the first ring even finished. " _Senny, I told you it wasn't my fault! Those bounty hunters were_ assholes!"

The four of us blinked. We'd never heard Gramps whine before. I motioned for Ace and Luffy to be quiet and let Sabo speak. He was the best at changing his voice, in case Ace was wrong and the sake didn't do the trick.

"This isn't Sengoku." Sabo-nii lowered his voice by and octave and a half. He also tried to copy Sanji's mild North Blue accent.

" _Wha-? Who's this? How'd you get this number?_ "

"My name is Froide Aire. I represent Bering Appliance Repair. Tell me sir, is your refrigerator running?"

" _Yeah, last time I checked._ "

"Then shouldn't you go catch it?"

" _Bwahahahahaha! That's a good one brat! Who is this really?_ " Of course Gramps would be the one marine not ticked off at all by being prank called.

Sabo raised an eyebrow, silently asking if we should answer truthfully. Ace shook his head- not yet. Our oldest brother motioned with one hand that he and Luffy had been practicing something. Nii-chan twisted his throat in a weird way that must've done something to his vocal chords; Ace-nii's throat burst into flame.

"What, don't you remember me Father?" Holy crap on a cracker, whatever he'd done to his vocal chords made Luffy sound like Dad.

" _Dragon? Since when do you have this number? I thought we agreed you'd only call me at home! How are you keeping me from tracing you?_ "

"The kids gave me your office number when we met in Loguetown." Total BS, but I wouldn't be surprised if Dad had the number and just never used it. "About the kids… I've got someone here who wants to talk to you."

Ace butted in before Gramps could respond. The fire made his voice lower and a little raspier- possibly how he'd sound all the time in ten years or so. "Did you miss me Garp? How's my son?"

" _Roger? But you're dead. I was the- Ace! Luffy! You brats! How'd you figure out those voices?!_ "

"Shishishi! We just guessed for Roger! But we really did meet Dad in Loguetown. He adopted Ace, Sabo, and Blue!"

" _What, was my adopting them not good enough? You ungrateful brats! When I catch you you're in for the training marathon of your lives! I'll make marines out of you if it kills us!_ "

Luffy stuck out his tongue. "Nope! I'm gonna be king of the pirates!" He hung up before Gramps could respond.

 **SORA**

Sora wasn't sure how he felt about his first night watch as a Straw Hat. He still wasn't used to life on the _Going Merry_ \- it had barely been a couple of days after all. But at least he was on watch with Sanji instead of one of the girls. His face was still red from that morning's incident with Vivi.

The cook huffed, bringing Sora's attention back to the present. "You're doing it wrong."

"What do you mean?" Sora turned away from the rail. Sanji lit a cigarette and smirked.

"On the _Merry_ there's something more important than enemy ships to keep an eye out for. Snacking monsters."

"Didn't you set traps in the galley?"

Sanji laughed. "Those don't always work. If the crap captain makes a raid alone sure, but most of them don't do anything to Ace. Made of fire, remember? And don't get me started on Sabo and Blue-chan. Those two figure out how to avoid or disable new traps faster than I can come up with things."

Wincing, Sora shook his head in disbelief. "They're really that bad? Even after all they ate at supper?"

"Yeah. It surprised me too the first few times." Sanji blew a smoke ring that looked more like a heart. "Had to learn to say no to ladies too, otherwise they'd just send Blue-chan in to beg. Was she that bad when you knew her or did the big monsters influence her?"

That made Sora smile. "I remember one family reunion where Kay-Kay ate _all_ the vegetable trays- every last cucumber. One of our uncles held her upside down afterwards and spun her around until she puked all over him. Never got her to eat cucumbers again. I think she was two at the time."

"Huh… So that's why Blue-chan hates cucumbers."

"I guess. She probably doesn't remember though." Sora looked up at the flag that flapped above them. "So, is it just those four that aren't allowed in the galley, or is it just for you and Ghin?"

Sanji puffed another smoke heart. "Those four, plus Usopp and the marimo. Long-nose would either steal snacks or help the monsters; Mosshead takes all the booze. Why?"

"Just wondering if you'd like some help some time. I'm not as good as you, but I can cook a bit."

"Heh. Maybe. But you'd have to follow my rules, got it Dragon-boy?"

Sora smiled. "Aye sir."

 **xXx**

Eventually Sora made his way up to the crow's nest, leaving Sanji to guard the galley. The night air was already warmer than anything on Drum- they were leaving the winter island's influence. It was a nice feeling. And once he'd changed his eyes to their draconic form Sora could see for kilometers in the dark.

The ladder creaked below, alerting Sora to someone's approach. He jumped as Vivi popped up through the hatch, Captain Snappy on her shoulder. Sora felt his face light up red.

"I- um- I'm really sorry about what happened this morning! I should've known better than to spar to exhaustion on the ship…" The zoan user hung his head.

Vivi giggled, though she was also bright red. "It's alright Sora, it was an accident. Just be more careful next time."

"Right…" Sora looked at his companion out of the corner of his eye. "Vivi… You're a princess right? How'd you end up with a bunch of pirates?"

"They're helping me. My country's in danger and Luffy promised to get me home and help me save it." Vivi's eyes narrowed. "The Straw Hats are good people; you shouldn't think ill of them just because they call themselves pirates."

"No, it's not like that!" Sora backtracked hastily. Somehow he always seemed to say the wrong thing. "It's just… Pirates and princesses don't usually go together."

"And why not? Mr Top Hat was a noble." Vivi stroked Captain Snappy and sighed. "I envy them you know. A princess is bound by duty to her people; the only duty the Straw Hats have is to each other."

"I'm sure Captain Luffy would let you stay if you want."

"Maybe. But it's not just about what I want. It's about how much my people need me." The princess stopped petting the velociraptor to rub at the bandages on her arm. They covered her personal mark, the Straw Hat Jolly Roger topped with a small crown.

Sora nodded. In the two years he'd been in this world he'd seen his fair share of crappy monarchs. It was refreshing to meet a royal who understood and cared for her kingdom. She reminded him of the Disney princesses. "I'm sure you'll make the right decision when the time comes."

"Thank you Sora."


	15. Mr Sandman

**A/N: This chapter brought to you by gratuitous** _ **Star Wars**_ **references, because I couldn't resist with a rebel army involved. Also, for those of you who enjoy learning more about Bluejay's origins, her family name is revealed. See if you can guess it before then. Your hint is that if I'd been a boy, my dad was going to name me Indiana.**

Over the next few days the air quickly got warmer. Several of the guys followed Ace's example and opened or removed their shirts. Mm, eye candy. Poor Chopper was overheating and had to be kept as far from Ace-nii as possible. The little reindeer spent most of his time splashing around in a shallow tub Kaya filled with water to keep him cool.

As we got closer to Alabasta we found ourselves running out of food. This meant that anyone who had the patience for it suddenly had to spend a lot of time fishing. Oddly enough that meant Luffy and Usopp as well as Sora, Ghin, and Sabo. Ace tried, but we made him stop after one too many narcoleptic fits sent him tumbling into the sea.

The heat made everyone feel heavy and lethargic. It also made it hard to sleep- the cabins were incredibly stuffy. Our whole crew took to sleeping on deck where we could get a breeze.

Of course, that also made it much easier to roll away from the family cuddle-puddle- especially with Ace being so warm. Nii-chan took to sleeping on Zoro's lap instead. Our first mate wasn't too fond of this. Sabo and I kept waking up pressed against rails, twitching with nightmares of fire. And being alone gave Ace nightmares too, which led to him bursting into flames and making the heat even worse.

"You're unbelievable!" Nami screamed after the third time we'd woken the crew with fire and yelling. "Two of you are grown men! Can you really not sleep alone?"

We shook our heads, hats shadowing our eyes. Ace answered for all of us. "A few months after Lu and Blue met Sabo'n me we almost lost each other. Sabo got blown up by a Tenryuubito; the rest of us were caught in a fire and attacked by pirates. Dadan and her bandits saved us. Except Blue decided to bite- Was it Magra who had you?- and run off into the fire. Lu and I thought they were both dead for a couple days, then Blue appeared back at the cabin with Sabo on her back. We haven't slept apart since- if we try, we dream about the fire."

Usopp burst out laughing. "That's both the sweetest and stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

Kaya flicked the sniper's forehead. That made Usopp clutch his skull and whimper while our nurse smiled. "I think it's adorable. Although it doesn't speak well for their mental state if it's still affecting them ten years after the fact. Have the four of you ever considered seeing a counsellor?"

Sabo blinked. "We were raised by bandits. The only counsellors nearby were the ones the nobles used in High Town; if we'd gone, we'd've been attacked again."

Zoro and Ghin nodded their understanding; a number of our other crew mates sweatdropped. Kaya turned to Chopper. "Do you have any training as a therapist Chopper-san?"

"Nope. Sorry." The reindeer's ears drooped. "I didn't spend enough time with humans to get that kind of training."

Nami sighed. "I'll add it to the list."

"What list?" Coby wanted to know.

"The list of things this crew needs that the moronic monkeys would never think of on their own. I've been working on it since Luffy beat Arlong."

"Is it a big list?" Chopper asked. Nami shook her head.

"No, not really. Just a few little things like fabric softener, Kleenex, feminine hygiene products- and now a therapist."

Luffy bounced excitedly. "And a musician! We need a musician too!"

"Yes, yes, but you thought of that on your own so it doesn't go on the list."

"Oh…"

 **xXx**

When we were about a day's sail from Alabasta, our fishermen started yelling excitedly. They had something big on the line. Luffy screeched for Sanji to be ready as he pulled whatever-it-was up, his fishing pole bending nearly in half.

"Be careful Nii-chan," I called around the pins in my mouth. Vivi had recently told us what kind of weather to expect in the desert, so I was in the process of making everyone the appropriate attire. Usopp's squirming was making it difficult to pin his robes to the right length so I could hem them.

Almost as soon as the words left my mouth Luffy rolled back onto the deck, the thing he'd been hauling in flying into the air. It let out a girlish scream as it fell- a person. Sanji leapt into the air to catch the falling ballerina only to let out a screech of his own once they were safely on deck.

The gaudy pink and blue person was a man, which was probably why Sanji collapsed in shock. Poor cook thought pink meant lady. The newcomer, meanwhile, leapt out of our chef's arms and twirled into a bow.

"Thank you very much Straw-boy! I would've drowned if you hadn't hooked me right then- and you even managed it without tearing my coat! I think I'm in love!"

Luffy looked slightly uncomfortable. "You're welcome! But I already have someone I like, so no thanks! We can still be friends though." Nii-chan beamed. I wondered who the person he liked was- he'd never mentioned anyone before.

"Oh well… As thanks, let me- Ah!"

Sabo's head popped out of the ASLB cabin, the glare he wore scaring our visitor into silence. "Blue…" Sabo-nii growled, "Where are my pants?"

"In the laundry." I tried to look innocent. It failed.

"All of them?"

"Yes."

"But that means all I've got to wear is…" Sabo's eyes narrowed to slits. "I hate you so much sometimes."

"Love you too!" I grinned.

Seconds later Sabo emerged wearing his gown. Our visitor's eyes went wide. "Oh my! That's a gorgeous dress- where did you get it?"

"Blue made it." Sabo jabbed me in the ribs with his pipe. I responded by tackling him, which in short order led to me being stuck in a headlock. Our guest clapped his hands and twirled.

"You two are adorable! Brother and sister I take it?"

Sabo and I answered in unison. "Yep."

"Fabulous!" The okama twirled again before settling down. "As I was saying before, as thanks for rescuing me I've decided to treat you to a show!"

He reached out and quickly tapped Usopp, Nami, Zoro, Coby, and Ghin's faces. Everyone yelped in protest. Before we could do anything our guest passed his hand over his face… and became Zoro. Repeated passes turned him into other crew mates- and several people we didn't know- until he settled on Nami.

"It's the power of my Devil Fruit," the shapeshifter explained- as if that wasn't obvious. Then he shucked off his coat and shamelessly bared a bouncing chest. "And look! Not only do I copy the face perfectly, but the body as well!"

Nami hit him over the head for that. While she punished our semi-nude guest, I silently signalled Ace and Sabo. There was one imperfection in the man's transformation- no tattoo. It was hidden under Nami's sleeve; he hadn't seen it. My brothers nodded and passed on the whispered message for everyone to hide our tattoos just in case.

Not too long after, a brilliant pink ship covered in swans came to pick our guest up. As soon as he and his crew were out of earshot Vivi let out a shuddering sigh. The rest of us turned to look at her.

"I- When that man was doing his show, I thought I saw my father's face," our princess explained. "I think that might have been Mr Two of Baroque Works. Igram described him to me once as an okama ballerina with a Devil Fruit."

Sabo-nii whistled. "That's bad."

Coby nodded. "It's a good thing Bluejay-san noticed the tattoo thing. We should keep them covered and only show them to verify our identities." Our little marine flinched as Luffy looked at him, seemingly apologetic- although I had no idea why. Nii-chan beamed and bounced over to ruffle Coby's hair.

"That's a great idea!"

Kaya smiled. "It shouldn't be a problem so long as no one dresses like the dancing girls Vivi-hime mentioned. Our travelling robes cover quite a bit."

Sanji let out a strangled groan of disappointment. I grinned evilly at Ace. "Hey Ace-nii, guess what that means?"

"What?"

"You've gotta wear a shirt 'til we beat Crocodile. No showing off."

"Dammit!"

 **xXx**

We finally docked near a town called Nanohana. From there we split into groups: Vivi, Nami, Sanji, Kaya, Chopper,and Usopp went to get supplies for crossing the desert; Luffy and Sabo went looking for information on Crocodile or the rebels in the nice areas to the south; Zoro and Ghin were left to guard the _Merry_ ; Sora and Coby went to ask around the entertainment district; and Ace and I went eavesdropping in seedy dockside bars.

Our first stop was a dusty place called Moss Island- an odd title for a tavern. Rapid-fire jazz music and a rowdy crowd greeted us as we entered. Ace-nii grabbed my hand to keep me close as we made our way to the bar.

The bartender was busy when we sat down, nodding to let us know he'd be with us in a minute. Something squeaked and snarled at me as Ace and I waited. I looked down to see a curious creature- part seal, part turtle- bouncing around and waving its fists at me. It was obviously trying to say something- too bad Chopper wasn't there.

"He doesn't like you," supplied a scarred man sitting to my left. I shrugged.

"Not my problem."

"I don't like you either." The man moved to grab my arm. I moved faster, grabbing him instead. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ace draw his knife- my eldest brother was on strict orders not to use his powers unless it was an emergency. Fire attracted too much attention.

"Keep your hands to yourself or you might lose them." I squeezed the man's wrist hard enough to bruise, grinding his bones together and nodding towards my brother's knife. Once I released my hold both man and beast wisely backed off.

The barkeeper got to Ace and I a moment later. "What can I do ya for?"

"Rum for me," Ace said, "And mead for my sister."

That earned us a dubious look. "I'm gonna need to see some ID here; pretty sure your sister's underage."

Ace smirked and tossed his knife at the bulletin board behind the bar. It sank into the corner of his wanted poster. "There's our ID."

The barkeeper looked from Ace-nii to the poster and back, terrified. He cautiously retrieved the knife and handed it back to Ace before getting our drinks. My brother pushed his hat back from his eyes.

"Too easy. I bet if you had a bounty too he'd've shat himself."

"I'll get one soon," I promised.

We drank slowly, listening for anything about Crocodile or the rebel army. An hour passed and we heard nothing. I yawned in disappointment.

"Should we maybe go back to the _Merry_ and call Dad? He might know something."

Ace-nii shook his head. "I don't think they have anything to do with Dad. The whole Baroque Works thing isn't his style. Besides, Crocodile works for the world government."

"Right. I forgot."

"Wasn't paying attention is more like it. You were off catching those unlucky animals."

We sighed in unison and got up to leave. At the last moment though, a voice from a corner booth made us pause. "If I didn't know better Hans, I'd say you were working with those rebels."

I froze, grabbing Ace's sleeve. We turned to look. The voice belonged to someone who was pretty obviously a bounty hunter, talking to someone who was equally obviously a smuggler. A pistol in the bounty hunter's hand was pointed at the smuggler over their drinks; the smuggler had his own pistol ready under the table. To anyone not looking beneath, the smuggler appeared cocky and unready as he toyed with his mug.

"Look, I told Crocodile I'd get his money. I just need a few more days."

"Sir Crocodile's getting tired of waiting. The bounty he put on your head would feed my boys for a month. And best yet, he prefers you dead to alive."

A shot rang out through the bar. Smoke rose from the smuggler's gun as the bounty hunter keeled forwards. Ace whistled.

"I like him. Think he knows anything?"

I shrugged. "Worth a shot."

My brother and I sat down across from Hans, shoving the bounty hunter's corpse out of the way. The smuggler frowned at us. "What do you kids want?"

Leaning forwards, I rested my elbows on the table and laced my fingers under my chin. "Well, a man in your profession must have some connections. We want anything you can tell us about the rebel army."

Hans snorted. "Look kid, I don't work for little girls and I certainly don't work for free."

Before I could say anything, Ace-nii tossed what was left of our allowance for this island on the table. "Consider this your payment then. And pretend _I_ asked if it makes you feel better."

The smuggler's eyebrows rose. "This information is pretty important to you, huh?"

Ace nodded. "But that's all we've got, so don't go trying to con any more out of us."

"Yuba," Hans sighed. "Last time I sold to the rebels they were in Yuba. But that was months ago."

My brother and I nodded. "Thanks."

 **SORA**

Sora sweatdropped and looked at Coby. "We didn't think this through, did we?"

"No, no we didn't."

The pair stood at the end of a narrow, well-swept street. Small shops lined both sides, their wares- scantily clad men and women- sitting pretty on display behind expensive glass windows. The streetlights above were unlit, but tinted red. Sora's face matched the lamps while Coby's was as pink as his hair.

"Next time we should claim the bars before Ace-san and Bluejay-san."

"No!" Sora squawked, swatting the younger boy in surprise. "Kay-Kay's only fourteen! She can't come to a place like this- think of the perverts!"

Coby blinked skeptically, then chuckled. "Do you really think Ace-san would let perverts anywhere near his little sister?"

"True." Sora looked around, dizzy with all the blood rushing to his cheeks. An older woman with unreasonably large assets winked at him; he hid his face with one hand. "I think we're the ones in danger from perverts. Did we really have to come through here?"

"Ghin-san said it would be the best place to find information," Coby nodded. "He said the… uh… ladies of the night know everything."

"Doesn't do us any good if we can't talk to them. God this is embarrassing."

"True."

Sora looked down at Coby, which was much more comfortable than trying to avoid the eyes of the various working women. "So how are we going to do this?"

Biting his lip, Coby took a determined stance. "I- I can do it. Just watch my back for pickpockets and such Sora-san."

"You sure?" Sora blinked in surprise. "It's just, your face's going past pink now- almost magenta. That can't be healthy."

"Like you're any better," Coby mumbled. "Your face looks like a tomato."

A soft voice interrupted before Sora could reply. "Can I help you boys?"

Both Straw Hats paused and looked over. A blonde woman in a dancer's outfit smiled at them from a doorway. Sora considered getting Chopper to check his blood pressure later as his face heated up even _more_. Coby squeaked. Smiling at the reactions she'd garnered, the woman sauntered over and placed a hand on Coby's shoulder.

"I have a little time right now- I could teach you a thing or two, free of charge. Your girlfriends would thank me."

"Geh…" Coby's voice trailed off like a deflating balloon. Sora wasn't much better. The older boy gripped his mallet tightly to anchor himself in reality- at least until he had a minor epiphany.

"Oi!" the zoan user accused, "You're sweet on my cousin!"

"M-maybe… But so what? You like Vivi-hime! Every time you look at her you go mushy-eyed!"

"But she's sixteen! Kay-Kay's only fourteen, and you're… How old are you anyway?"

Coby frowned. "I'm seventeen, the same as Luffy-san."

"Three years' difference," Sora muttered to himself. "I guess that's not too bad. Probably no need for me to do anything- Ace'll flip enough for an army. And they are kinda cute together…"

The blonde woman laughed. "You two are adorable. Did you just come in today with one of the merchant ships? I can't say I've seen you around before. Although tall, dark, and scaly looks familiar- your fruit's showing, by the way."

Sora raised a hand to his cheek, covering a shimmery patch of scales. "Crap!" The increased emotion only made things worse. Scales spread over his face and hands.

"Calm down!" Coby whispered. "I don't want to have to hit you like Sabo-san does Ace-san."

"Sorry, sorry." Sora took a deep breath. His scales slowly receded.

Removing her hand from Coby's shoulder, the blonde woman placed it on her hip. "I take it you're not merchants then, if you've other friends who've eaten Devil Fruits. Are you marines?"

That made both boys laugh. They smiled in unison and shook their heads. "We're just trying to find the rebel army."

"I see…" The woman's eyes narrowed. "And what might you want with them?"

"A friend of ours, um, has some information for them." Coby's voice cracked embarrassingly as he spoke. Sora winced in sympathy, glad that _that_ at least was behind him.

"Well then… This is just a rumour mind, but I've heard the rebels were in Yuba recently. You and your friend should probably check there. Are you boys sure that's all you need? Like I said, I'm free for the next hour or so if you want some tips on how to please your girlfriends."

"No thank you!" Both Sora and Coby glowed red as they turned and booked it out of there. The blonde woman laughed.

 **BLUEJAY**

As Ace and I exited Moss Island, familiar red and blue shapes ran past, each holding their hat on with one hand. Luffy still had a leg of meat dangling from his mouth. Sabo shouted over his shoulder at their smoky pursuer. "These are not the pirates you're looking for!"

"You damn well _are_! And why the government thinks you're a helpless kidnap victim is beyond me!"

Ace-nii groaned as Smoker ran past. "Not him again…"

"We'd better help them," I sighed. "I'll get his stick."

Ace and I chased after our brothers and Smoker. As we caught up I used Ace-nii as a springboard, leaping to land on Smoker's back. I grabbed the marine's jitte and wrenched it free of its strap. Swinging the heavy weapon as I once had a pipe, I jammed the mysterious anti-Devil Fruit tip into the small of Smoker's back.

"Ksesesesese! Miss us?"

"Dammit!" Smoker rolled, throwing me off. "I forgot there were more of you."

I landed on my back by a wall. Through a hole I spotted Sanji and Chopper; presumably the others were there with them. "Idiots," I snarled, "Get your asses to the ship!" I didn't wait around to see if they'd listen. Ace's flames could only hold back smoke for so long.

Through my fall I'd kept my grip on Smoker's jitte. It was a little heavy for me- I could swing it, but the balance was off and my arms would get tired before long. Not that I had the skill to do anything fancy with it. I hadn't done much weapon work since I was ten- an oversight I decided then that I needed to correct.

"Hiken!" A flaming fist forced Smoker to disperse before he could attack. Sabo followed up Ace's strike by throwing a bucket of brine from a nearby blacksmith's over the intangible fruit users. Ace-nii sputtered and cursed; Smoker growled and launched himself at my blond brother. As the marine captain lunged I thrust his own weapon into his knees.

"Gomu-Gomu no Leave us Alone!" Luffy booted Smoker into a wall. The marine was up in an instant, growling.

"Never! You're pirates; I can't just let you escape!"

"Too bad, cause there's no way you're catching us and taking us to Gramps. Cheshire Cat!" I grinned and swung the jitte in a great arc, as if I were drawing a massive smile. Smoker leapt over my strike, narrowly dodging Sabo's pipe at the same time.

The brine Sabo had found kept both Smoker and Ace from using their powers. That meant Luffy could actually hit Smoker when the marine forgot about him for a moment. "Gomu-Gomu no Gattling!"

Smoker dodged the first few punches but was hit when Sabo's pipe, Ace's knife, and his own jitte pinned him in place. Between the four of us we soon had the marine captain on the ground. We were getting better at this.

Semi-conscious in the dirt, Smoker groaned. "That's the second time. Why don't you just kill me?"

My brothers and I blinked in confusion. "Why would we?" Luffy wanted to know. "Yeah you're annoying and none of us could beat you alone, but you're not a bad guy."

Ace nodded. "As long as you don't give us to Gramps we've got nothing against you."

Sabo and I grinned and flashed textbook-perfect marine salutes. Smoker gaped as the four of us ran away. I think we confused him; most pirates wouldn't have known how to do that, or been willing to. Of course, most pirates hadn't been partially raised by Monkey D Garp. Smoker probably thought we were undercover agents or something now.

Running back to the ship, my brothers and I bowled through a group of armed men. I think they were bounty hunters- probably more from Baroque Works. The _Merry_ was ready to set sail by the time we arrived, all our crew mates on board. Luffy rocketed over and landed on Zoro while the rest of us climbed aboard the old-fashioned way.

"Three ships tailing!" Usopp called from the crow's nest as we got underway. Vivi gasped sharply.

"It's the Baroque Works billions!"

Ace-nii leapt up on the stern rail. "Leave them to me. Hi-fuck-off-ken!"

A hand made of fire shot out, piercing the tailing ships middle finger first. They exploded into flames. The recoil was enough to jerk Ace's hat forwards over his eyes; he pushed it up with one still-flaming finger. Only, his control slipped at the last second and he burned a hole through the brim on his hat.

"Ah! Blue, I need a patch job!"

"It's your own fault for trying to look cool," I grumbled, marching over with my sewing kit in hand.

"Shishishi!" Nii-chan bounced over to the figurehead. "Set sail for… Where are we going anyway?"

Vivi smiled. "We'll be hiding the _Merry_ near Erumalu while we make the trek inland to Yuba. I've already shown Nami on the map."

 **SORA**

Sora was on watch with Ace as the Straw Hats travelled through the night- which basically meant he was on watch alone. The firecracker was fighting a losing battle against his narcolepsy, valiantly trying not to doze off. Sora had already had to prod the logia awake twice. In a desperate attempt to keep the older boy awake the zoan user took his eyes off the galley and settled beside Ace on the cannon. Hopefully Sabo, Luffy, and Bluejay wouldn't take the opportunity to raid- if they did, Sanji would fillet him.

"Should you really be on night watch?" Sora asked. "You can barely keep your eyes open."

"It's fine," Ace yawned. "Long as I'm not with Zoro it's all good. Blue knows; she makes the schedule."

He wasn't sure he wanted to know, but Sora had to ask. "What happens if you're on watch with Zoro?"

"Well last time, I fell asleep, Zoro got us lost, the _Merry_ was ambushed, Sabo was kidnapped, Blue'n me fought, and the rescue team blew up the enemy ship getting Sabo back. So nothing particularly good."

"You and Kay-Kay fought? As in a real fight, not sparring?" Sora had a hard time imagining that, but Ace nodded in sleepy confirmation.

"Yep. Over how to best rescue Sabo- strength or stealth. Ended up doing it her way, but not before I'd lost it and clocked her a good one." Ace rubbed the back of his head. "Still feel bad about that. Blue really tore into me afterwards about not having any faith in her. She said that just because she's the youngest doesn't mean she's weak. I have a hard time remembering that sometimes."

Sora nodded. "I keep looking at her and expecting her to be four, if that makes you feel any better." The zoan user chuckled. "It's funny… Kay-Kay used to be such a crybaby, but you talk about her standing up to you and enemy pirates as if it's an everyday thing."

"Really?" Ace was suddenly wide awake. "Lu was always the crybaby when we were little; Blue just groaned and took it, or got mad. I've only seen Blue cry once, back when Sabo and I saved her and Lu from a gang of thugs."

"Well she was. Camy used to tease her about it, until Brandy taught her to kick him in the crotch."

Ace smiled. It made the resemblance between the firecracker and the captain even more obvious- Sora wondered if the adopted brothers really _were_ related. They sure looked like they could be; maybe they were cousins or something…

"Tell me about Blue when she was little."

"Huh?" Sora nearly slipped off the cannon.

"That story you told Sanji about Blue and the cucumbers- you must have more like it. Tell me." Ace folded his arms over his chest. "I don't know anyone to tell me Sabo's baby stories- not that I bet he had many good ones with _his_ parents- and I already know all Lu's from Makino."

"You really love them, don't you?"

"Yeah." Ace's eyes softened. "So fess up. I wanna hear something good. It'll help keep me awake."

"Well…" Sora thought for a moment. "Let's see… Well, one time not long before she disappeared Kay-Kay talked me into letting her try to ride my bike. Her dad was supposed to be watching us, but he was busy and well… She did alright until she took her hands off the handlebars to wave at a dog. Whole bike flipped head over wheels after that."

Ace winced. "Is that how she got the scars on her lip? The ones that look like she kissed broken glass?"

"No, that was her running with a metal vase and falling on it. The bike injury was a lot lower- top of her inner thigh I think. Uncle J and I took Kay-Kay to the hospital only for her to talk the nurses out of giving her stitches." Sora sighed. "Stubborn Joneses, always giving the rest of the family heart attacks. Letting something like that go untreated… But she was fine and driving everyone nuts again within a week. And then a month later she was just... gone."

"Prob'ly chasing me around the jungle with Lu," Ace filled in. "Although I don't know how long they were together before I met them, so maybe not." Then his eyes widened as he picked up on something Sora had said. "Wait, Jones? As in Davy Jones?"

"Yeah. That's Kay-Kay's family name. If they'd been boys Uncle J was gonna call Kay-Kay and Krissy Indiana and Davy." Then as an afterthought, "You know, where we come from your little birdie was the oldest sibling, not the youngest. Her little sister can't really remember her though. Krissy was barely two when Kay-Kay disappeared."

That shocked Ace into brooding silence. Sora guessed that the older boy was trying to imagine what it was like to be away from your siblings for so long that you forgot each other. From the increasing paleness beneath his freckles, Sora assumed Ace was horrified by the thought.

 **BLUEJAY**

We weighed anchor at a rocky beach. A number of half-seal, half-turtle beasts lay sunning themselves on the stones. Usopp was the first one off the ship. "Alright! Let's get going!"

One of the seal creatures hopped over to Usopp and made motions that were a clear request to spar. Usopp agreed. The resulting fight didn't go well for our sniper. He was soon down for the count, groaning on the rocks with a massive lump on his head.

"Sorry!" Vivi called as she disembarked. "I forgot to warn you! These are kung-fu dugongs; they challenge everyone like this. But at least you lost. If you'd won he'd have followed you to the ends of the sea begging to be your disciple."

It took the princess thirty seconds to apologise and explain. Thirty seconds in which Luffy and I jumped off the _Merry_ into a thick cluster of dugongs, accepted their challenges, and threw them all together into a roughly beaten heap. Vivi looked petrified.

"How many did you two defeat?"

Nii-chan and I looked around. "Umm… Looks like… All of them."

"Idiots!" Nami hit us both over the head with the new staff Usopp had made her. "Listen to people when they're explaining things that could kill you! I'm especially disappointed in Bluejay; I thought she was one of the ones with a brain."

Sabo laughed. "Brain, yes. Common sense, not so much. But it's more fun that way."

"You _would_ say that," Ghin grumbled. "Sometimes you kids make me feel like an overworked babysitter."

"Oh, like you even try to reign us in," Sanji quipped. Ghin shrugged helplessly.

"I'm outnumbered and willing to bet there are at least six of you that can beat me one on one. What good would it do?"

Off to one side, Vivi gave Carue a letter and instructed the duck to bring it to Alubarna as quickly as possible. He quacked, saluted, and ran off into the desert, ignoring the princess' instructions to conserve water. Hopefully he'd be alright.

During this time Nii-chan and I were teaching the dugongs how to throw decent punches and kicks. And no, we didn't resort to Garp-like methods. Those were reserved for Coby.

Soon enough it was time to move out. We left the kung-fu dugongs to guard the _Merry_ , which they did with glee. One in particular seemed eager to examine the ship and train on deck.

 **xXx**

Unlike the sea around the summer island, the desert was quite chilly at night. Gone was the temptation to roll away from my brothers in my sleep, and with it went the nightmares. I woke to hear our crew mates' sighs of relief after the first night of our desert trek.

"Oh good, they're back to normal."

"Do they usually sleep like that? It looks cozy."

"Anyone else would look indecent doing that, but they make it cute."

"Will you creeps get the Hell off my lap?!"

That last voice was Zoro's. I opened my eyes to a dark, fleshy wall- Ace's arm was draped over my face. My head rested on something firm yet soft, which I guessed was Sabo's butt. From the feel of things Luffy was on top, with one arm tying me and Ace together at the waist and one leg entwined with Sabo's calves. Zoro's legs were trapped under Ace's stomach.

"Do you have pictures?" Sora asked someone. It was probably Nami, since she answered.

"Some. They're cute, but it doesn't embarrass them at all so it's useless for blackmail. I keep a few of the best for the album though."

A pair of steel-toed dress shoes nudged us none-too-gently. "Alright shitheads and Blue-chan, up you get. Otherwise you won't be getting any breakfast."

That was clearly a lie- Sanji would never let anyone go hungry while supplies were available- but it worked. Ace and Luffy were up and awake so quickly they kicked sand in my face. Sabo's too, if his coughing fit was anything to go by.

Sora pouted at me as I stood and stretched. "You never cuddled with me…"

"Well excuse me for not being the same as I was when I was four. Ace-nii, Sabo-nii, Nii-chan, and I've been through a lot together; I don't even remember having cousins."

"As long as you don't do that with just any guy."

"No way! Anyone not on our crew who tries that get his liver kicked through his spine and a scarf knit out of his entrails!" Heh, entrails. I like that word. Sora looked both mortified and relieved by my declaration.

 **xXx**

Erumalu was deserted. Sand drifted in what had once been aqueducts; dead plants lined cracked walkways. Vivi let out a little gasp of shock and turned to the nearest person for comfort, which turned out to be Sora. My cousin turned red as the princess leaned on his shoulder.

"It used to be green here," Vivi whispered in disbelief, "Green and blue and beautiful. How could anyone do something like this?"

Luffy's hat shaded his eyes. "I dunno, but we'll kick his ass and make him stop." The rest of us nodded our agreement.

As we left the abandoned city our crew was met with a group of sad looking birds that eyed our supplies hungrily. Nii-chan was about to take pity on them, but Sabo-nii stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Lu, don't. If you let them take our food you'll regret it when you're hungry later."

One of the birds squawked and made a desperate lunge for Luffy's pack. It was stopped by a sweet smile from Kaya. "Oh good, I've been looking for test subjects. There's a new sedative I've been working on for Captain Snappy that I'm dying to try out. Thank you for volunteering Bird-san."

I've never seen birds move so fast on the ground. The flock took off running into the desert, a cloud of dust rising behind them. Usopp whistled; Kaya curtsied demurely.

Vivi bowed. "I'm sorry! I forgot to warn you-!"

"I'm sensing a theme here," Ghin whispered.

Luffy shook his head. "It's fine. Whatever else you forgot to warn us about, we can handle it. We'll kick _all_ their asses."

Before the end of the day we'd added giant purple lizards that copy Ace's every move, hallucinogenic cacti, and monsters that hunt in pairs and taste like lobster to that list. Many asses were kicked over the course of our desert trek. The most memorable was Zoro's when he had to hold Luffy down so Chopper could administer the antidote to the aforementioned cactus. Sanji teased the swordsman for over an hour- until it was his turn to do the same with Ace.

 **SORA**

Sora spent most of the desert trek trying to sort out his zoan instincts. He'd always known his fruit was a desert creature, but he'd never fully understood what that meant. The rainbow serpent was practically squirming with delight. _Warm-sand-warm-clear-warm-happy-_ _ **home**_! It was a far cry from the sluggish, sleepy instincts Sora was used to dealing with.

Desert dragons obviously did not thrive on Drum Island.

He sensed something too, something buried far beneath the sand. Sora wasn't sure what it was- could be rabbit tunnels or ley lines or a network of tiny volcanoes. He'd never been the mythology expert in the family, to be decoding the instincts and powers of a mythical zoan. That was Brandy, who'd become obsessed with all things supernatural and otherworldly trying to explain Kay-Kay's disappearance.

"Are you okay?" Vivi asked, catching the zoan user staring off into space. Sora nodded and flushed.

"Yeah. My fruit's acting up is all. It's a desert creature and I guess there's still a lot I don't know about it."

"What kind of desert creature? Maybe I can help."

"Draco-Draco no Mi: Model Rainbow Serpent. I've heard it was a dragon of Dreamtime, but I'm not sure what that means."

"Well…" Vivi looked up at the sky. "In the Legend of Oshunmure it says that rainbow serpents can sense water and dishonesty no matter how well they're hidden. They can enter the dreams of man to deliver messages, and the largest can call down storms and spit lightning. To see a rainbow serpent in the desert is the luckiest sign in Alabasta for if you please it, it will lead you to water. That's why most desert travellers carry pearls or iridescent shells- rainbow serpents hoard such things as other dragons hoard gold."

Suddenly a panicked look crossed Vivi's face. "Oh no! I forgot to pick up a good shell back at the beach!"

"I don't think that's a problem," Sora chuckled. "I may not have a good grasp on my powers, but I think I can find water if we need it. No shells needed- I've got all the treasure I could want right here."

"Smooth," Sanji whistled. Sora turned bright red, and he wasn't the only one. Vivi let out a squeak that was equally embarrassed and pleased. Neither teen was capable of looking at the other for several hours.

 **xXx**

Upon arriving at Yuba it was immediately obvious that if the rebels had been there, they were long gone. Sora called out his wings and flew overhead to double-check. The only person around was an old man digging in the center of town, tired but determined. It looked like he was trying to make a well. Sora winced in pity; even from the sky he could sense that the old man was digging in the wrong spot.

"Try over there." Sora pointed at a spot several meters left as he landed. The old man jumped.

"W-what?!"

"Over there." Sora pointed again. "That's where the water is."

"And how would you know? Who are you anyway?"

"Sora Verne of the Straw Hat Pirates." The zoan user bowed slightly just as the rest of the crew appeared around a corner. Upon seeing them, the old man's eyes went wide.

"Princess Vivi?"

Instead of answering the princess ran over and hugged the old man. When she pulled away her face was creased with a concerned frown. "Where's Kohza?"

"He and his boys left a month ago for Katorea. They're there, planning their march on Alubarna."

Vivi slumped in defeat; Nami groaned. The rest of the crew blinked in confusion. "Where's Katorea?"

"Back by Nanohana."

Cue groans from everyone. Zoro looked disgusted. "You mean we came all this way for nothing? What a waste of time." Captain Snappy chirped in agreement.

Luffy's hat shadowed his eyes. "We'll stay here tonight and get going tomorrow. That alright old man?"

"Of course."

Sora shifted his hands to claws and moved to where he could sense water. Everyone stared as he stared shovelling; the old man sputtered. "What do you think you're doing boy?"

"Digging. There's water right here, about six meters down."

"Really? I'll help!" Luffy jumped in eagerly beside Sora. Rubber limbs flung sand every which way, much of it filling in the hole the old man had been working on. The man's cry of protest was drowned out by crackling flames as Ace used the sandy missiles for target practice. Soon small, twisted glass sculptures were falling to the sand. They were actually quite beautiful.

Even with two diggers it took most of the night to reach the water. This was primarily due to the periodic collapse of the hole as Sora and Luffy dug deeper. Eventually Sabo swatted Ace over the head and convinced him to turn the sides of the pit to glass so the sand wouldn't bury the diggers.

Both Sora and Luffy were exhausted by the time they reached water. There wasn't much; after years without rain, even that major underground waterway was running dry. What they found was enough to last the old man about a week. Hopefully by then they would've solved the Crocodile problem and the rain would be back.

The crew packed up and moved out into the desert just after dawn. Luffy wore a small canteen of water aroun his neck that the old man had given him "for emergencies." Of course with Sabo's lead pipe approach to rationing the Straw Hats still had enough water that it shouldn't come to that.

Vivi fretted constantly as they moved out. She was distraught over having been so close to Kohza and yet not having gone to talk him down; she feared that by the time they got to Katorea it would be too late. Sora tried to think of a way to calm her down, but was unable to come up with anything before Luffy suddenly plunked himself down in a dry oasis with a yawn. Sabo and Bluejay joined him; Ace toppled across all three of their naps in a narcoleptic fit.

"Can't do this!" the captain declared. "It's impossible."

"What? But you promised!" Vivi had tears in her eyes.

Nami frowned. "And since when does the impossible bother _you_ of all people?"

Sora looked on in confusion as his cousin nodded and tugged on the beak of her garishly purple baseball cap. "Nii-chan's right."

"What? Kay-Kay, how can you say something like that?"

"No, Lu's right. Although he really does need to learn to explain himself better." Sabo blocked a kick from Sanji with his pipe. The chef was freaking out at the four siblings for suggesting they abandon a lady.

Luffy sighed. "Vivi worries too much. She's still trying to figure out how to get through this without anyone getting hurt. That's impossible. This is a shrivelled war- people get hurt."

"It's civil war Lu."

"Yeah, what Sabo said. But Vivi keeps acting like she can fix everything just by talking to these rebel guys, trying to put only herself at risk."

Most of the crew sweatdropped, Sora included. Only Zoro seemed to get what the captain was saying. Kaya shook her head. "Please explain Luffy-san."

"It's so easy." And wasn't that a blow to the ego, having Luffy look at everyone like they were stupid. "We came here to kick Crocodile's ass _because_ there was a war. We're your friends Vivi; we _don't mind_ getting hurt if it helps you."

Tears filled Vivi's eyes. Sora moved closer in case she needed a hug or something, but she seemed alright. "Luffy… Everyone… Thank you…"

The Straw Hat captain leapt up, dumping Ace's legs off his lap. "Alright! Let's go beat up Crocodile!" Then, totally ruining the dramatic moment, "Where is he anyways?"

Vivi giggled through her tears. "He runs a casino north of here, in Rainbase."

"Great! Let's go kick his ass! Blue, Sabo, plan something."

Sora watched with interest as his cousin and the blond gentleman put their heads together. They barely seemed to speak- something he'd only ever seen with the twins back home. Most of the plan appeared to be formed on flicking fingers and in the corners of manic grins. Only once did the pair ask for outside input.

"Does Crocodile have a Devil Fruit?" Sabo wanted to know. Vivi nodded.

"Yes. The Suna-Suna no Mi."

Sabo nodded once and turned back to Bluejay with a raised eyebrow. Her response was an enthusiastic bounce. Sora decided to step in there- the non-verbal communication was starting to get a little creepy. "What are you two plotting? And how?"

"We just know each other that well," Sabo said with a dismissive wave. "Did you expect me to have spent my life trying to hold an intelligent conversation with Ace and Luffy? Ace didn't care enough to educate himself and Lu's… Lu. Blue seemed the best choice."

"As for what we're planning," Bluejay jumped in, "We're gonna hit Crocodile with a pincer maneuver. Half the crew will sneak in and attack the casino from the inside and the other half will attack from the front. Oh! And Sora's gotta go with the inside group since they're more likely to encounter Crocodile."

"Huh? Why me?"

"Cause your fruit senses water and water turns sand into mud, duh. You find the water and Nii-chan uses it to hit Crocodile. Other than that it shouldn't matter who goes where, so we'll draw straws."

It almost seemed that Fate was against them as they drew those straws. Why else would the team requiring infiltration contain not only Luffy and Sora, but Ace, Zoro and Captain Snappy, Nami, Usopp, and Ghin? That was a demolition squad, not a stealth crew- well, except for Nami and Usopp.

 **xXx**

"This is a trap, isn't it?" Sora asked as the infiltration group was chased through a series of winding hallways. Getting into the casino hadn't been hard; what was difficult was escaping the tenacious marine captain with a fixation on Ace and Luffy.

"Definitely a trap," Nami agreed.

In short order the Straw Hats and Smoker had been caught in a cage that made Luffy flop with exhaustion when he touched the bars. The marine snorted. "What? You kids steal my jitte every chance you get and you still don't recognise kairoseki?"

Luffy groaned from the floor. Ace translated into Monkey D speak. "Mystery rock that makes our powers stop working."

"Oh."

Crocodile entered the room not long after to taunt them like Bond villain, throwing a probably-fake-anyway key to his pet bananadiles. Sora was only partially paying attention. Far more of his focus was taken up by the water he could sense all around. The zoan user had a very bad feeling about this.

His feelings got worse when Miss All Sunday entered the room dragging Vivi. "I found this one sneaking around outside."

"Let go of me!" The princess wrenched herself free and tried to attack Crocodile with her peacock slashers. Tiny blades slashed through the shichibukai's neck. Of course since he was a logia like Ace, that did exactly nothing. Crocodile was about to retaliate when his den-den mushi rang.

Puru-puru-puru-puru. Ka-clik! "This is Mr Zero. What's going on?"

Sanji's voice from the snail made the trapped Straw Hats smile. " _Special delivery from the Crap Café: two knuckle sandwiches and an ass-kicking._ "

Crocodile was furious, sand swirling around him. "You! I remember your voice from Little Garden!"

" _Mr Prince at your service._ "

The sounds of a fight crackled over the den-den mushi. Moments later another voice was heard. " _Sorry Mr Zero sir. One of the Straw Hat brats took us by surprise, but we've got him now._ "

"I'll believe that when I see it. Come Miss All Sunday, we'd best go check on those imbeciles." So saying, the shichibukai swept out of the room. His partner followed soon after.

"Was that-?" Sora turned to Ace.

"Blue's voice? Yeah. She and Sabo must've figured out we've been captured."

"How?"

"No idea. They just know sometimes."

"Uh, guys?" Usopp squeaked, "Is it just me or are the bananadiles free?"

Ace swore more creatively than anyone else Sora had ever heard. The zoan user wondered where the firecracker had learned that. Nami's observation moments later didn't help matters.

"Water's coming up through a hatch in the floor too."

Luffy looked at Zoro and Ghin. "Can you break it?"

"Doubt it. This stuff's harder than steel."

"Sorry Don Luffy, no. But if the bananadile with the key comes close enough I can make it cough the key up." Ghin swung his tonfa meaningfully.

Vivi looked around frantically. "Which one is it?"

"That one," Smoker contributed, pointing to a particularly grumpy bananadile. He shrugged at the incredulous looks the Straw Hats shot him. "What? I don't feel like dying here and if surviving means working with pirates… Well, you idiots are better than most."

Sora shook his head. "You're wrong. About the key that is, not us."

Smoker glared. "What do you mean? I _know_ that's the one that swallowed the key; I remember its growl."

"And _I'm_ pretty sure that key was a fake."

"What makes you think that, brat?"

"Sora's a dragon,' Luffy put in. "He should know when treasure's real."

"A key isn't treasure Straw Hat!"

Groaning, Ace buried his face in his hands. "Box guys. Just because we're trapped in one doesn't mean you can't think outside of it. Vivi, forget the fucking key and the fucking bananadiles. Find me some wire and… I dunno, a screwdriver or something."

"You can pick locks?" Nami asked in surprise as the princess searched. Ace nodded and shot tiny fireballs through the gaps in the cage bars to hinder the bananadiles.

"Higan! Of course. Can't you?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"Then why the Hell didn't you think of it? The bars are far enough apart for us to reach the lock."

Everyone stared at Ace in confusion. The firecracker smirked. "What? I'm not just on the crew for my good looks you know."

"I thought you were here for your giant brother complex and ridiculous strength," Sora offered.

"Well, yes, but I can do other things too. Tell 'em Lu."

"Shishishi! Ace taught Blue'n me how to rob people when we were little. I was never very good at it though."

The firecracker nodded. "Same principle, except this time I'm stealing _us_ instead of gold."

Vivi handed Ace the supplies he'd asked for, eying the bananadiles warily. The firecracker immediately got to work on the lock. "Really, the way you act you'd think you didn't expect us to have any actual pirate skills. Have a little faith in us please."

Everyone sweatdropped.

 **BLUEJAY**

"How much do you want to bet they get trapped?" Sabo asked me as our group prepared for our assault on the casino. I snorted.

"No bet. Nii-chan doesn't know to look before he leaps and Ace-nii just encourages him."

Sabo looked thoughtful. "I suppose we can't talk though, can we? We look and decide to leap anyway. How many did you see?"

"Six up the alley and one under the bathroom window."

"And I counted fifty in front of the door."

It took a few moments for Sanji, Kaya, Chopper, and Coby to rejoin us. The cook was twitchy- he wanted a smoke, but we'd forbidden it. The smell would give us away.

"There's fifty more coming in from the west Blue-chan!" Thankfully our cook refrained from noodle-dancing.

"And twenty by the loading gate," Coby added.

Chopper shook his head. "Nobody in the garden, but the window there's too high to get in."

"I didn't see anyone by the garbage shoot," Kaya offered. "Did Vivi-hime… Where _is_ Vivi-hime?"

We waited several minutes but Vivi didn't show. Someone must've captured her. I groaned and rubbed my forehead. "What's the point in making plans if things never go according to them?"

"Careful," Sabo-nii smiled, "You're starting to sound like Ace and Luffy."

"Nah, I'm still smarter. So that's a hundred and twenty seven of them and six of us- twenty one and a bit each. Can we handle that or do we need a new plan?"

I looked to Kaya and Chopper as I spoke. They were probably the weakest there, though I had to admit I knew little of Chopper's powers. Both nodded without hesitation. There was also a decent likelihood that Sabo, Sanji, and I could account for more than our share, so we really didn't have much to worry about.

Luring all the billions to the same location wasn't hard. I snuck up to one of the guys by the door and gave him a wedgie to remember. One of his buddies blew an alarm whistle and the other groups came running faster than Luffy to a meal.

"White Tiger Claw! White Tiger's Roar! White Tiger's Hunting Song!"

"Dragon's Tail! Five Toes of the Emperor! Steel Wings!"

"Flash Pistol! Sea Stars!"

"Troisième Hachée! Basse Côte! Concassé!"

"Kokutei Cross! Kokutei Roseo!"

Unlike the rest of us Kaya didn't shout the name of her technique. It would've only hindered her swift, stealthy movement through the crowd. But that didn't make the venomous stabs of her Ghost Step any less deadly.

We had the billions down in short order, still with no sign of the other half of our crew. Yep, they'd _definitely_ been captured; if they hadn't we'd have heard something explode again. "Okay, new plan. We lure Croc out to give the others time to escape."

"Of course Blue-chan! You and Sabo just make a crap tonne of noise on my signal." Sanji rooted through the fallen billions' pockets until he found a baby den-den mushi. He hit speed dial.

Puru-puru-puru-puru. Ka-clik! " _This is Mr Zero. What's going on?_ "

Sanji smirked at the familiar voice. I stifled a giggle. "Special delivery from the Crap Café: two knuckle sandwiches and an ass-kicking."

" _You! I remember your voice from Little Garden!_ "

Though there was no way Crocodile could see him, Sanji bowed. "Mr Prince at your service." A wave of his hand signalled Sabo and I to make noise. We fought as loudly as we could until Sanji waved again and handed the den-den to me.

"Sorry Mr Zero sir." No I wasn't. "One of the Straw Hat brats took us by surprise, but we've got him now."

" _I'll believe that when I see it. Come Miss All Sunday, we'd best check on those imbeciles._ " The connection clicked shut.

"And now we run," Sabo supplied. "Scatter in every direction, distract and take down as many as you can. We'll meet at the cliff where we made camp last night."

Nodding, I took off. It wasn't long before a gang of billions came after me. One of them was particularly annoying. He was about my size and as quick as Coby, with odd spiked weapons on his hands that he used to climb walls I scaled trying to lose him. The others cheered as he caught up to me.

"Get her Tora! Tear her eyes out!"

"Oh, that does it!" I took my glasses off and slipped them into my belt pouch. "The only tiger around here is me!"

My flying side kick caught this Tora guy in the face. He tried to retaliate by grabbing me with his be-spiked hands. Nekode, that's what the weapons were called. The grab went about as well as could be expected- meaning that I failed to twist away in time and got eight spikes stabbed into my shoulder and arm, but didn't really feel it. Still, the blood pouring out was inconveniently slippery and would probably cause problems if I lost too much.

"Shouldn't have done that," I told my opponent. Instead of trying to get away I pulled Tora closer and bit him where neck met shoulder. One knee met his crotch while my nails raked his ribs and stomach.

"Mauling Red Tigress!" One of my fingernails must've nicked a major artery because the next thing I knew, there was blood everywhere. I dropped Tora and left him squirming on the ground. The other billions squeaked and ran away in fear.

"Tch, wimps." I used strips from Tora's shirt to bind my injuries. Before I left, I liberated his nekode. "These things are kinda cool. Thanks."

 **SORA**

Escape was easy thanks to the distraction provided by the outside team. Luffy and Ace collapsed part of the casino on the bananadiles to keep them from escaping, causing panic among the civilians. This made Smoker shake his head. But there were no casualties so the marine took off to find his men without trying to arrest anyone.

"Sora!" Luffy yelled, "Find the others!"

"Yes Captain. Wings of the Rainbow Serpent!" Sora took off and circled in the sky above Rainbase. It didn't take him long to spot the rest of the crew. "Everyone's converging on the cliff from last night!"

By the time the infiltration team had made it to the meeting point Chopper had convinced a pair of giant desert crabs to carry the crew to Alubarna. Sora landed on the female's back, next to a very bloody Bluejay. "You alright Kay-Kay?"

"Oro? Oh, don't worry about it- it's not my blood. Most of it anyways."

That wasn't exactly reassuring. There was _a lot_ of blood. But since his cousin was playing intently with a set of bloody nekode, Sora figured it was safer not to ask.

The crabs were fast, but not fast enough. A cloud of sand rose quickly behind them. It resolved itself into an angry Crocodile. The shichibukai tried to grab Vivi only for her to be shoved out of the way by a certain captain. When Crocodile pulled back into the desert it was Luffy he pulled with him. Bluejay let out an enraged yell.

"Nii-chan!"

Ace's tattoos burst into flame, followed by his hair. The firecracker was about to jump off the crab and go after his little brother when Sora got in the way. "I'll go. My fruit can probably track them."

There was a momentary pause, then Ace nodded. "Bring him to Alubarna as fast as you can. The rest of us will hold off Baroque Works and the rebels."

Sora took off as fast as he could. Luckily humans were about 70% water- it meant that his serpent instincts could easily find two people in the middle of the desert. The zoan user flew through Crocodile's head to land at Luffy's side.

"Captain, you can't fight him here. There's no water." Sora pulled his wings in to keep them from being abraded by Crocodile's sand. Instead he covered his body in iridescent scales.

"But Crocodile's right there!" Luffy snapped a Gomu-Gomu no Pistol into the shichibukai's gut. Crocodile dispersed into sand around it.

"And we're in the middle of the desert! He's made of sand! He has a _huge_ advantage!"

A tornado of sand swirled around them. Luffy punched it at random, hoping to hit Crocodile. Each blow tore strips of skin off his hands and arms. Sora was protected by his scales, but he couldn't sense their adversary like this. Once intangible logias were no longer 70% water.

"Grr, stupid Crocodile's hiding so I can't kick his ass! Sora, throw me, captain's orders!"

"What?"

"I can't see over this stupid sand tornado. Throw me so I can look over and find Crocodile."

Sora blinked in confusion. "How?"

"Well, Sabo always uses Dragon's Tail, so something like that."

No way. There was no way Sora could fire his captain into the air like that- his mallet wasn't a pipe, he'd never get the proper leverage. But he did have something else that might work. The trick would be getting it to appear without dropping his scales- Sora didn't feel like being rubbed raw by sand.

"Tail of the Rainbow Serpent!"

It worked. A shining tail three times his height sprouted from Sora's rear. Luffy jumped on the tip and the zoan user flicked his captain into the sky. Holding his hat on with one hand, the rubber man cursed.

"Dammit! I can't see him anywhere!"

A hand shot out of the sand tornado as Luffy fell. It caught the rubber man's arm and… sucked. Sora was confused as the water vanished from his captain's arms like dried squid. Luffy wrenched himself free and tumbled across the ground. The sand tornado resolved itself into Crocodile.

"I don't know what you did to the Unluckies Straw Hat, nor how your man tricked me on Little Garden, but it ends here. I'll kill you and your friend, then dispose of that princess you're so fond of."

 _Mate-threatened-alpha-hurt-family-danger-_ _ **rage**_! Sora's dragon instincts roared. Beside him Luffy rose, eyes reflecting the same anger. A wooden mallet and a rubber fist swung at Crocodile from opposite directions. The shichibukai dispersed unharmed, then lashed out at the boys in retaliation.

Fingers closed over Sora's throat. His scaled protected him from being desiccated but not asphyxiated as Crocodile squeezed. Still, that was nothing to what Luffy was going through. A great shining hook pierced the young captain's abdomen through. Blood dripped to the sand both from the wound and from Luffy's mouth.

Crocodile dropped the boys in a shallow pit. He kicked them once, then disappeared in a cloud of sand.

Vision edged in black, Sora crawled over to his captain. The hook had by some miracle missed anything vital, but Luffy would still bleed out if he didn't get to Chopper on time. Sora wrapped the gaping wound as best he could with the sashes from their robes. Then he stared at Luffy's desiccated arm. What to do about that? The only thing Sora could think of was to get his captain a drink. Luckily they still had the canteen from Yuba.

Miss All Sunday appeared over a rise as Luffy started to regain consciousness. Blood still up from the fight, Sora growled. His tail vanished to be replaced by fangs as he glared at the enigmatic woman.

"I'm not here to hurt you," she said, holding her hands up to show she had no weapon. "I was merely curious about the kind of person who would go after Sir Crocodile like this, since it's obvious he cannot win."

"His name's Monkey D Luffy," Sora snarled. "Someday he's gonna be king of the pirates."

"Hmm, I see." Miss All Sunday smiled. "Has he told you what the D stands for?"

"Don't know," Luffy groaned. The rubber captain blinked blearily at Sora. "Where's Crocodile?"

"He left."

"Damn. Where's everybody else then?"

"Alubarna." Sora dropped his scales and fangs and called out his wings. "I think I can fly us there, but you have to hold still. I've never flown with a passenger before."

Luffy nodded and closed his eyes, seemingly going to sleep. Sora pointedly did not look at Miss All Sunday as he gathered up his surprisingly small captain. Filmy wings flashed against the sky. Taking off and flying with Luffy was easier than Sora had expected- the rubber man was very light. They would be at Alubarna in no time.

 **BLUEJAY**

Fighting broke out as soon as we reached Alubarna. Vivi and Kaya rode out on Carue to try and talk Kohza's rebels down; the rest of our crew broke off one by one to fight various Baroque Works agents. I could see Sanji and Nami fighting Mr Two and a spike lady from the roof where I was positioned; collapsing buildings behind them showed where Zoro was duelling a man made of blades.

My own opponent introduced herself as Miss Beltane. She was a gymnast dressed in striped, glittering tights. Her weapon was a staff with a collection of long ribbons at one end like a demented Maypole. It was a pity- Beltane was my favourite holiday.

The ribbons were distracting. They flicked about my face every time Miss Beltane swung her staff, filling my blurry vision with colours and nicking tiny cuts on my cheeks. I wished Ace or Zoro were there; their blades would've made quick work of those ribbons.

"Grr. White Tiger Claw!" My palm strike met empty air as I lashed out through the ribbons. Miss Beltane was well out of reach, her staff a barrier between us.

I hate polearms.

Miss Beltane swung her staff in a maneuver reminiscent of Sabo's Five Toes of the Emperor. I was caught off-guard by the familiarity and forgot to dodge. She threw me into a wall. I came back growling, strapping the nekode I'd taken from Tora onto my hands.

"Red Tigress' Claw!" Miss Beltane blocked the palm strike with her staff, but I'd meant her to. Four spikes dug into wood and gave me time to grab the weapon with one hand. I yanked, hoping to wrench the staff away.

Instead Miss Beltane flipped over my head, using her momentum to throw me off. She followed up with a strike to my head. It hit- I blocked too late- and the ribbons whirled around me. I stared at my opponent in confusion when they settled. That was nothing to when Sabo hit me over the head.

"Come on, hit me like you mean it! I know you can do better than that- you just tossed me into a wall!"

Miss Beltane responded by trying to sweep her staff through my knees. I jumped up and brought my foot down right on the holes where I'd grabbed the staff earlier. It snapped.

"Yes! Finally got rid of those ribbons! Red Tigress' Roar!"

Both of my spiked palms smashed into Miss Beltane's chest. She staggered backwards and coughed up blood. Something warm trickled down my leg, accompanied by a feeling of stiffness and intrusive wrongness. I looked down. The broken end of Miss Beltane's staff was jammed into my hip.

"I'm gonna say ouch cause that looks like it's supposed to hurt."

My opponent squeaked. I pulled the broken staff out of my hip, wincing at the weird slide of wood against bone. It felt gross. But it didn't look like my kidney had been hit and I could still move my leg, so I should be fine. Although it _was_ bleeding a lot.

"Red Tigress' Hunting Grounds!" With no staff to hold me at bay, Miss Beltane could only dodge. She was quick but eventually I caught her and pinned her with one knee while I tore into her with nails and spikes. To finish her off I threw her into the street below. Several marines squawked and looked up in fear and confusion at my red hands and blood-spattered face.

 **SORA**

The fighting was obvious as Sora and Luffy approached Alubarna. They soared over a field of holes where Usopp and Chopper were fighting a mole, a baseball player, and a dog. Not much further on Coby was using his speed to torment a great hulk of a man. Ghin fired a pair of swordsmen so high into the air that one nearly hit Sora's wing.

Luffy tugged Sora's hair and pointed. "Look, there's Sabo! Maybe he knows where Crocodile is!"

The pair landed beside Sabo right as the gentleman ever-so-politely drove his opponent's head through a wall. Luffy was immediately plucked from Sora's arms by the blond.

"Thank the gods Lu, we were so worried!"

"I'm okay Sabo. Have you seen Crocodile? He got away."

"Sorry, no." Sabo flicked blood off his pipe. "I heard he's got a bomb hidden around here somewhere though, so I've been looking for that. Maybe you should try the palace?"

"Okay! Sora, to the castle! But first we need to find a bar."

Sora blinked in confusion. "A bar? Why do we need to go to a bar?"

"So I can get some water to punch Crocodile with, duh!"

 **xXx**

Carrying a Luffy weighed down with water was different than carrying Luffy normally. Sora's wings ached; his flight was unsteady. The pair careened through the sky and slammed into a wall, falling to land softly on a pile of sand- a pile that soon reformed to glare at them. They'd found Crocodile.

"How are you two not dead?" Crocodile moved to grab and desiccate Luffy only for the rubber captain's fist to smash him in the face.

"Cause there's two of us and we always help our friends. So you'll never take Vivi's kingdom; we're gonna kick your ass!"

For a while things went rather well. Sora defended while Luffy went on the offense, scales and mallet blocking Crocodile's desiccation technique. When the shichibukai went to smash the barrel Luffy was using to wet his attacks though, things went belly-up. It started with Luffy's "brilliant" idea to swallow all the water…

"You're leaking," Sora informed his captain. Luffy looked down.

"Oh. Okay then. I guess we should finish this fast."

"It's not okay!" Sora shouted. "That means his hook actually _did_ nick your stomach earlier! I don't know what to do for that- we need to get you to Chopper!"

"Not until I kick Crocodile's ass!"

While Sora and Luffy were arguing a blast of sand knocked them off the balcony. They crashed into a roof beside Ace. The firecracker paused in his incineration of a crowd of billions.

"Lu, you're alright!"

"Shishishi! Of course! I'll see you in a bit Ace; me'n Sora gotta go take care of Croc." So saying, the rubber man dragged the zoan user back towards the palace.

By the time they got there Crocodile and Miss All Sunday had captured the king and forced him to lead them to an underground chamber. Sora grabbed Luffy's shoulder as the rubber boy was about to tear into the room. "Captain, you're out of water."

"So? You can just find more. Let's go!"

"That's not how it works! There's no water in there except the stuff in their bodies; I can't just make it appear!"

Luffy cocked his head to one side. "You mean like blood and stuff? Okay, I can work with that." He began tearing scabs off his abrasions. Blood welled out.

Sora resigned himself to following his crazy captain. He really should've expected Luffy to come up with something like this; insanity was a Straw Hat hobby. So when the rubber man reached the underground stranger the zoan user was right behind him. Sora brought out his tail as well as his scales. Something told him he'd need the extra limb.

Crocodile heard them coming and turned. Luffy's bloody fist greeted his face. A muddy red handprint showed the impact; a bruise bloomed around it.

Unsure whether to shield Luffy or the king, Sora almost missed the dagger lying beside Miss All Sunday. He wasn't sure whose it was or who they meant to use it on, so he stuck it in his belt for safekeeping. Speaking of Miss All, Sunday, the enigmatic woman looked awful. She knelt on the floor in front of a rune-covered stone, radiating depression. Sora had never seen anyone look so hopeless. His instincts immediately labelled Miss All Sunday as _not-threat_.

"Gomu-Gomu no Stamp!" A blood-soaked sandal slammed Crocodile into the floor by the tip of Sora's tail. The shichibukai retaliated by digging his hook into Luffy's shoulder and throwing the rubber man into a wall. Beside Sora, King Nefertari paled.

"That hook is poisoned."

"Of course it is," Sora muttered. He whipped his tail out to intercept Crocodile's desiccating hand as the sand man reached for Luffy's face. "Do you know if he has an antidote on him?"

"Yes, I believe he does."

"Good."

"Gomu-Gomu no Pistol!" Luffy's bloody fist knocked Crocodile into a pillar by the chamber's entrance. Red drops flew from both combatants. The rubber man was panting and wavering, poison starting to take effect.

"Miniature Sables!" Crocodile dried out the pillar, turning it into sand that he could use to whip and abrade Luffy. Without its support the chamber's entrance collapsed.

Sora called out a warning. "Captain, the door's gone!"

"Shishishi! It's fine! I'll make a new one!" Luffy dropped on his back and slid under Crocodile. "Gomu-Gomu no Spear!"

The shichibukai slammed back first into the ceiling, coughing out a wad of blood. Something fell from his pocket; Sora caught it with his tail just before it hit the floor. It was a small vial, identical to the ones Kaya kept her poisons and sedatives in. A single dose of antidote.

"And… Gomu-Gomu no Gatling!" Rubber fists mashed Crocodile into the ceiling multiple times. Luffy panted as his opponent fell to the floor.

"One more. Sora, I'm gonna borrow your tail."

"Aye-aye Captain."

"Insolent brats!" Crocodile stood. "Sa-!"

"Now!" Luffy kicked the shichibukai into the air. Sora jumped and pinned Crocodile with his tail, dropping his mallet to give his captain a boost into the air.

"Gomu-Gomu no Bazooka!"

The ceiling shattered. Crocodile flew away with a mystery twinkle; Luffy fell to the floor. Sora immediately rushed to give his captain the antidote to the shichibukai's poison. Luffy swallowed and smiled.

"Shishishi! Thanks Sora. Take the king to Vivi, 'kay? I'll deal with Miss All Sunday."

"Are you sure?"

"Captain's orders."

Sora nodded, dropping his scales and tail to call out his wings. He turned to Nefertari Cobra. "Well your majesty, we'd better get going."

"Of course."

 **BLUEJAY**

It was over. Vivi and her father had managed to talk the rebels down and Sabo, Chief Petty Officer Tashigi, and Guard Captain Pell had found and stopped the bomb. Captain Smoker had captured most of the Baroque Works agents, though Mr Two and Miss All Sunday remained unaccounted for. And best of all, rain had finally returned to Alabasta.

Nii-chan slept all morning the day after the fighting. He was exhausted. The only reason he even woke up when he did was the smell of lunch.

The Nefertari family were hiding us in the palace, giving Smoker an excuse for not capturing us. King Cobra (Hee, pun!) was even holding a feast for us that night, as well as helping us resupply. This is what led to the entire Straw Hat crew making our way down to the bathhouse at the same time- can't dine with royalty smelling like bloody, sweaty pirates. Vivi, Cobra, and Igram joined us. Sabo had smiled knowingly at Vivi when she and Igram reunited, a silent "I told you he wasn't dead."

Nami, Kaya, Vivi, and I settled blissfully into the warm water of the girls' side. Across the wall we heard Cobra thanking Nii-chan loudly- something about speaking as a father and there being no such thing as a naked king. I don't remember exactly; I was paying more attention to the multitude of fruit-scented bubbles. At least I was until I felt Vivi staring at me.

"What?"

"Bluejay," the princess asked, "How old are you?"

"Fourteen. Why?"

Vivi hummed thoughtfully. "I guess you're just a late bloomer then. I'm sorry; I'd thought you were younger."

Oh. I looked down at my chest. Yep, permanent membership in the itty-bitty-titty-committee. I sank low in the bubbles in embarrassment. Kaya waded over and patted my back.

"Don't feel bad Bluejay-san. If you were larger it would probably get in the way of your fighting style."

Nami nodded. "And don't forget, we're pirates. Some of our men will be more interested in booty, and you're doing pretty well in that area."

"Shut up!" I snarled. "The guys are right there! They can hear you!"

As if on cue, Ace's voice rang out over the murmur of conversation from the men's side. "Oh no you don't Spirals! My sister's over there- peep and I'll fry your testicles!"

Sanji squeaked. Splashing sounds followed, presumably someone rushing to get away from Ace-nii. Kaya and Nami both suddenly got stars in their eyes.

"You know," Nami said slowly, "I bet we'd see something good if we looked over there. Ace without a shirt isn't anything new, but Sabo, Zoro… I bet even Luffy and Coby look pretty good with all the training they do."

Kaya nodded. "Usopp's skinny, but he's got potential. And Sora…" She trailed off, shooting a sidelong glance at Vivi's cherry red face.

I shrugged. "Sure. Better than them doing it to us; I don't think Sanji could cook if he was in _that_ much pain."

The four of us stood on buckets to peer over the wall- Vivi somewhat reluctantly. Nami looked at Sabo and whistled. "Damn… If I didn't know you weren't related I'd be sure the booty thing was genetic. Your brothers have some fine asses; must be something about your family training."

Kaya nudged us. "Bluejay-san _is_ related to Sora-san though. It's at least partially genetic."

A single drop of blood leaked elegantly from Vivi's nose. I don't think she noticed. It was about then that the guys noticed us watching. Sora, Usopp, and Coby squawked and hid themselves in clouds of bubbles; Sanji pouted and glared at Ace.

"Oi Pyro, I thought you said no peeping!"

Ace-nii looked up at me and shrugged. "Blue's not innocent; I don't mind if she looks at us. Just don't want _you_ looking at _her_ while ogling Nami."

Sanji looked like he was about to argue, but a smile and wave from Nami made him go noodly and incoherent. Zoro laughed at the cook. Our swordsman was about to launch a verbal assault when he ended up with a bouncy lapful of captain. Instead of lambasting the cook he spent the next several minutes trying to pry himself free of Luffy.

Ghin sighed. "I can't help feeling there's an odd double standard here."

"Sorry." Nami shrugged, not sounding sorry at all. "To be fair, you're too old for all of us anyway."

"True." Ghin looked both disappointed and relived by this. He also looked like he could use a trip to the red light district the next time we had shore leave. Actual shore leave that is, rather than a mission to find or save somebody. I wondered if we'd ever had one of those. We really should try it someday.

Sabo looked at me mournfully. "Blue, it's not ladylike to stare at naked men in the bath."

"If I didn't give a damn about being a lady when we were little, what makes you think I will now we're pirates?" I asked cheerfully.

 **xXx**

The feast was excellent, and I think catering for four-sixths of the Monkey D family successfully traumatized the royal chefs. Igram certainly wasn't impressed by our manners or lack thereof. Vivi's dad didn't seem to mind though; that or he was so grateful we'd saved his country he didn't care what we did. Probably the latter.

Royal guards had secretly taken supplies to the _Merry_ and moved it to a bay closer to the palace in the day since we'd beaten Baroque Works. Everything would be ready by the time we meant to leave the next morning.

When the crew was getting ready for bed that night Vivi came to our room. She looked nervous. Luffy immediately bounced over to her. "Hey Vivi! So, are you coming with us tomorrow?"

Our princess shook her head. "I- I'm sorry. I want to- you have no idea how much I want to- but I can't. My people need me right now. Crocodile's gone but there are still issues that must be resolved, and my past in the Suna-Suna Clan with Kohza means the rebels are more open to dealing with me than my father."

"Aw…" Nii-chan pouted. "Ne, come join us anytime if you change your mind."

Vivi nodded. Then she walked over to Sora and shoved a piece of paper into his hand. It looked like a den-den mushi number. "Please feel free to call me anytime," the princess said, flushing. "I'd like to know the truth behind the headlines I'm sure you'll be making."

My cousin stammered an affirmative. I looked at Coby; he returned my gazed and nodded. We snuck up behind Sora and prepared our attacks on the back of his head. Only, Sora ducked at the last minute, sending our strikes flying high. But he ducked to kiss Vivi- which was what we were trying to make him do- so it still counted as a victory.

It was a quick kiss, but sweet. When Sora raised his head both he and Vivi were red as beets. Scales encrusted my cousin's skin in a futile defense against embarrassment. Ace-nii wolf-whistled; Sabo-nii swung his pipe through Ace's head.

"Show a little respect Ace!"

"Che. Spoilsport."

"Voyeur."

"Pillow fight!" I interrupted before my eldest brothers could argue any more- mostly because I was worried they'd shame Sora and Vivi into an aneurism. Clubbing Sabo in the face with a cushion worked well. The resulting Straw Hat pillow war was epic. It lasted two hours and by the end, more feathers were in people's hair than in pillows. No one commented when Sora and Vivi kissed again afterwards.

 **xXx**

We weren't expecting Vivi to see us off. She had a big speech to give about the end of the civil war, and it was her coming-of-age ceremony to boot. But as the _Merry_ sailed past our last Alabastan port we saw our princess run out onto the pier. She rolled up her sleeve and placed a hand on her Straw Hat tattoo, tears in her eyes. The rest of us touched our tattoos and pumped our fists in the air in reply.

No words were spoken. We couldn't let the marines in the area know how involved Vivi was with our crew.

One marine ship _did_ spot and follow us as we sailed away. Under Nami's direction we tried to lose them in a reef; the tactic failed. Cannons began to fire. Instead of cannonballs, steel rods splashed into the water around the _Merry_. A few pierced the hull. Ghin examined one, puzzled.

"I've never seen ammunition like this before," he commented. "Is it supposed to do something special?"

Sabo joined in Ghin's examination. "It looks like it belongs to captain Black Cage Hina. Gramps mentioned her once." Cue four simultaneous shudders. "She's probably trying to stop us somehow. How annoying."

A small boat pulled alongside the _Merry_. "I can draw them away if you'd like!" shouted Mr Two from the deck.

We all stared at him in shock. "Why would you do that?" Luffy wanted to know.

"Because you're my friend Straw-boy!"

Black steel slammed into Mr Two's boat. Luffy stretched an arm down to grab the shapeshifter just before he was knocked over a rail. After a brief flight through the air the okama was deposited on our deck. Luffy grinned.

"New plan! Join my crew; Ace, Sabo, Blue'n me can take care of the marines!"

"O-okay…"

Sabo shoved Sora on the helm with strict instructions to do as Nami said and not let Zoro touch it. Then my brothers and I dropped the _Moon Boat_ down to the waves, jumping in and laughing. Ace rocketed us towards the marine ship too quickly for their cannons to hit.

"Going after them individually will take too long," I advised. "Go for the ship. Aim for the bow, just above the waterline."

Luffy struck first. "Gomu-Gomu no Bazooka!" His hands smashed a sizeable hole in the bow of the marine ship.

"Five Toes of the Emperor!" Sabo's pipe left a set of smaller holes, like the claws of a great dragon.

"Red Tigress' Claw!" I gripped a couple of boards with my nekode and ripped them away. By now water was starting to slosh into the marine ship with every wave. The bow began to sink.

Marines with muskets appeared on the rail above us. Luffy expanded to shield Sabo and I; a few round of lead passed harmlessly through Ace. Luckily no one thought to use kairoseki bullets. Maybe they didn't have any.

I pointed at a spot a few meters from where we'd been attacking, closer to the middle of the ship. "Right there Ace-nii. Biggest explosion you can make."

"Alright. Gimme a minute." Ace gathered a massive ball of fire in one hand, holding it above his head. "Dai Enkai: Entei!"

The resulting miniature sun ripped the side off the ship. Marines panicked and abandoned the cannons as their ship sank. Laughing and holding our hats, my brothers and I jetted away and soon caught up with the _Merry_.

Mr Two twirled. "That was fabulous! I never would've thought to attack the ship like that!" He paused. "I suppose if I'm to be on your crew I should introduce myself properly. Bentham, or Bon Clay, at your service. Please call me Bon-chan."

Sanji looked like he was about to protest. It made sense; he'd been the one to fight Bon-chan in Alubarna. Although I was pretty sure he'd fought Ghin too and he hadn't had a problem with Ghin joining. Maybe it had to do with the fact that Bon-chan could turn into a girl and trick him. Regardless, before Sanji could say anything a familiar figure emerged from the ASLB cabin.

"Hello Mr Two. I thought I heard a familiar voice."

We had Miss All Sunday surrounded before you could say stowaway. Ace flipped his knife in one hand, flames flickering in the other.

"What are you doing on our ship? And why were you in our room?"

"Please calm down Fire Fist. I didn't pry into anything private, nor do I mean you any harm. I'm merely here to make your brother take responsibility for what he did."

Sanji flipped out incoherently. Something about taking advantage of ladies, I think. Luffy picked his nose. "What did I do?"

"You saved me without asking. I didn't want to live, but you dragged me out of that room and forced me to carry on. My life is your responsibility."

"Oh. Okay."

Despite Nii-chan's nonchalance the rest of us remained suspicious, at least for a little while. Over the next few hours I watched in amazement as Miss All Sunday- Nico Robin- bribed and cajoled her way into the affections of our crew. Jewels, books, rare plants, stories, smiles, candy… By the end of it the only ones she'd missed were Ace, Zoro, and I, and I was having my doubts. Everyone deserved a second chance, right? Ace-nii had wanted to kill Nii-chan and I at first too. I decided to reserve judgement.

 **xXx**

Two days later the news coo came at dawn. The newspaper contained a heavily doctored account of what happened in Alabasta- Smoker was painted as the hero and promoted to commodore. We would need to call Dadan and Bartolomeo later to tell them what really went down. Dad probably knew already. While Sabo read the article, Luffy snatched a handful of familiar posters.

"New bounties! I'm up to 100,000,000 and Ace is at 90,000,000. Oh!"

"What is it?" The rest of our crew congregated around our captain to look.

"Well, Sora and Robin come with bounties already. Demon Child Nico Robin- 79,000,000 and Rainbow Thief Sora- 11,000,000. There's also one for Pirate Hunter Zoro- 60,000,000. And last we have Red Talons Bluejay- 45,000,000."

A grey pall came over Sabo. "Really? Dammit! They still think I'm a noble you guys kidnapped- the paper says I was forced to fight for my life as the Straw Hats rampaged randomly through the civil war."

Chopper, Sora, Bon-chan, and Robin turned to Sabo. "They kidnapped you?"

"No! I ran away!"

I turned to Ace. "Is this gonna be how all the new people react?"

"Probably."


	16. Dark Side of the Moon

**A/N: Not a filler barque! I repeat, not a filler barque! This chapter is based on the One Piece movie Curse of the Sacred Sword. I'm including my favourite fillers and movies, and if you care about the "Canadians randomly ending up in One Piece why?" subplot, you need to read them.**

Our log pose led us to a small island not far from Alabasta. The locals assured us it would only take a couple of days to reset, so we decided to try this "normal shore leave" idea. Zoro and Usopp elected to remain with the ship- Zoro as a guard and Usopp to try and repair the damage done by Black Cage Hina's steel poles. Ghin, as I'd expected, took off to find some company his own age.

I ended up with the contingent that headed for the book store. There was a surprising number of us. Sora and Sabo were both looking for novels; Chopper and Kaya had their eyes on new medical texts. Robin picked up several thick books about history while Nami was browsing volumes about… animal training?

"What do you want those for?" I asked. Our navigator smiled.

"I want to see if I can train Captain Snappy to keep Zoro from getting lost. You didn't see it, but somehow he wandered to an oasis five kilometers from Alubarna during his fight with Mr One."

"Ooh…" I winced. "Just keeps getting worse, doesn't he?"

"Yes."

Myself, I chose a book of legends and folktales from the four Blues. The pictures were almost as good as the stories. I flipped through it as we ate lunch only to pause when one of the images looked familiar- a small opal with a dreamcatcher engraved on it.

"Hey Sora, isn't this your necklace?"

My cousin looked over my shoulder. "Yeah, it is. Why's my necklace in your book Kay-Kay?"

I scanned the story that accompanied the picture. "Not sure. The legend's about a man called the King of Dreams. He came from another world bringing gifts and stories but fell deathly ill with homesickness and spent the last year of his life searching for something called the Hyperion. Never found it- I guess he thought whatever it was could take him home? Book calls your necklace the Dreamweb; says it's a map to the world the King of Dreams came from."

"Huh."

Robin shot us a curious look. "And where did the Rainbow Thief find such an artifact?"

Sora shrugged. "Same place I found my fruit. They were just lying on a bench in an empty park. No one claimed them for three days, so I took them- only it turned out the government wants both. That's how I got a price on my head."

"Yes, the government does like to monopolize logia and mythical zoan type fruits." Robin said government like it was a curse.

 **xXx**

When the crew regrouped at the _Merry_ it was to find Usopp running around like a chicken with its head cut off. He sputtered incoherently when we tried to ask what was wrong. Eventually Kaya had to sedate our sniper to calm him down. Once Usopp had awoken and was breathing properly we asked him about the problem again.

"It's Zoro!" Usopp clutched the sides of his head. "I got distracted fixing the _Merry_ and he wandered off somewhere! He's loose!"

"So much for a normal shore leave," Ghin muttered. Sabo-nii beamed at him.

"Define normal."

"Stupid Marimo needs a leash," Sanji growled, taking a drag on his cigarette.

Captain Snappy chirped mournfully. I picked him up and cuddled him. "Choppy, could you and Snappy track Zoro?"

Chopper looked up. "Probably. Zoro's scent isn't exactly hard to find." He shifted into his full reindeer form and pawed at the deck.

Luffy was turning red, steam coming out his ears- Nii-chan's thinking face. Ace placed a hand on his head. "Don't strain yourself Lu."

"But I'm the captain! I'm supposed to make sure everyone's safe and together and we're not! I have to figure out how to get Zoro back!"

"Why not ask Sabo and Blue for a plan like usual?"

Nii-chan pouted. "I don't like leaving it to them all the time."

"A good leader knows when to delegate," Sabo-nii put in. "Like you said back when you were fighting Arlong, there are a lot of things you can't do alone. The same goes for the rest of us; we all need each other. So leave the planning to people who don't get a migraine from it, 'kay?"

"Okay. So how do we find Zoro?"

"I can do an aerial search," Sora offered. I nodded.

"And I'll go overland with Choppy, Snappy, and Coby."

Nami looked at the _Moon Boat_. "If the rest of us split into two we can circle the island quickly and check the coasts."

"Someone should go with Sora in case he needs backup," Kaya observed. The rest of us nodded. Ace raised his hand.

"I'll go. If I stay intangible I'm the lightest, since fire doesn't have mass. I'll be easiest o his wings."

Sora frowned. "Just make sure you don't burn me."

"Oi! I haven't burned someone going intangible since before we entered the Grand Line!"

Chopper squeaked and ran over to his medical supplies. When he returned he shoved a bright orange pill at Ace. "Take this now if you're going flying. I know you usually have a fit in the afternoon; I think this might prevent or at least delay it. Please return to the _Merry_ immediately if you notice any side-effects, and tell me after so I can try to fix them."

Ace-nii patted our doctor's fluffy neck. "Thanks Chopper, you're the best." He swallowed the pill dry.

The reindeer pranced in place. "Your praises won't make me happy you stupid jerk!"

Luffy bounced over to Coby and me. "I wanna come with you guys; jungle's more fun than staring at beaches."

"Alright Nii-chan, just don't wander off."

Retrieving Chopper, we jumped off the ship. Captain Snappy immediately took off after Zoro's scent, chirping like mad. Poor little raptor was distraught- heavy on the dis. It made sense; as far as Snappy was concerned, Zoro was his mother.

 **SORA**

Sora idly considered the merits of strangling Chopper as he flew. There was no way he would go through with it- Chopper was an irreplaceable friend, an excellent doctor, and too fluffy and adorable to hurt. Still, at the moment it was very tempting.

There was no doubt that the pill Chopper had given Ace was working. The firecracker was full of energy at a time when he usually would have been fast asleep. Problem was, he was _too_ full of energy. It was like flying with a monkey on a sugar rush. Not to mention that Sora was pretty sure Ace was high as a kite right now.

Case in point- "Dad! I thought you were busy pranking a dragon! Sora's a dragon too, but you can't prank him. He's ours. Lu, Blue, and I all have bounties now, but it's stupid cause they're paying people beri to try and catch us. I'd rather be paid in berries. If they offered me enough berries I might turn myself in. Except no, cause then they'd give me to Gramps and he'd try to make me into a marine."

Ace was busily talking into his hat as if it was a den-den mushi. He rocked back and forth as he spoke, making it difficult for Sora to maintain level flight. At least he remembered to remain mostly intangible. If Sora had to deal with Ace's antics at full mass they would've crashed long ago.

"Look Dad, I can fly!" Ace put his hat back on and jumped off Sora's back, arms outstretched. The zoan user groaned. Bringing out his tail and praying it didn't interfere with his control of his wings, Sora dove.

Success! Sora wrapped the tip of his tail around one of Ace's ankles. Maybe he should let the firecracker dangle upside down for a little while and see if it cleared his head. At this point Sora would honestly have rather dealt with the narcolepsy.

"How am I supposed to spot Zoro when I have to keep an eye on _you_?"

A quiet giggle was enough to freak Sora out. Ace didn't _giggle_. "Look Sora! I'm a sniper like Usopp! I have _firearms_!" Two of Ace's limbs burst fully into flame.

"If Kay-Kay didn't love you so much I'd drop you in the ocean right now." Yes, when he saw Chopper later Sora was giving the doctor a piece of his mind. The narcolepsy medication made Ace absolutely _intolerable_. "That's it; I'm taking you back to the _Merry_."

 **BLUEJAY**

Captain Snappy's nose led us to a dojo on a cliff. Luffy was all for rushing straight in and grabbing Zoro, but Coby and I grabbed him and held him back.

"It could be a trap!" Coby warned. "What if someone captured Zoro-san hoping to get the rest of us?"

Chopper sniffed the air; I closed my eyes and listened. If it was a trap I should've been able to hear the breathing and heartbeats of people inside the dojo. Or at least Zoro's struggling; no way would our swordsman have gone quietly. I heard nothing.

"If there's a trap, it isn't here."

"There's another scent trail heading down that path," Chopper confirmed, pointing with his nose. "Zoro and a bunch of other men. Some of them smell _wrong_ ; I'm not sure how to describe it."

"Then let's go!" Luffy whisper-shouted.

We followed the second trail down the mountain. Not far from the bottom we had to hide behind some trees when I heard a large group approaching from below. Most of them were marines save for the leader and Zoro. Our swordsman walked in the middle of the group where he couldn't get away- not that it looked like he was trying. A bulge under his haramaki showed he was carrying something and trying to be sneaky about it. Probably something valuable- although knowing Zoro, it could be sake. A tanto I'd never seen before was shoved under the green fabric as well.

Coby looked from me to Luffy. "Do we follow them or warn the others?"

"I smelled the others on them," Chopper put in. "They probably already know."

Nii-chan's hat shadowed his eyes. "Zoro wouldn't betray us," he said finally, "But it doesn't look like he was captured either. I wanna go ask him what's going on. Chopper, find everyone and tell them where we're going. Send Usopp as backup."

I looked askance at Luffy. "Why Usopp?"

"He can hit things from far away while we do it up close."

Chopper nodded and galloped down the path. Luffy, Coby, Snappy, and I turned and headed back up. We walked in a silence unusual among Straw Hats. None of us wanted to think of what it meant if Zoro _had_ decided to leave us.

Usopp caught up to us, panting, right before we got to the dojo. "You guys followed them back? Are you nuts? Zoro betrayed us for the marines! He broke Sanji's arm!"

"What?" A tiny hint of emotion-punch leaked from Luffy. "No! Zoro wouldn't do that!"

"I saw him," Usopp insisted. "He broke Sanji's arm for getting between him and some priest lady, then said he was leaving the crew. It's a good thing you sent Chopper down; they did a number on the villagers too."

"You're lying!"

Usopp shook his head. "I lie about a lot of things, but never about this."

I grabbed my brother's arm before he could deck our sniper. "Nii-chan, calm down. There has to be an explanation for this; we'll go find it, then you can kick its ass."

Luffy took a deep breath. "Yeah- yeah, okay. Let's do that and get Zoro back."

It seemed that the marines at the dojo were expecting us. A young man with his cap turned backwards met us at the entrance. "Straw Hat Luffy, right? Come with me; Sensei wants to meet you."

The young man's name was Toma and over the next few minutes we learned a lot about him. Probably more than he wanted to give away, to be honest. He was a devout believer in the sword of justice, though vague as to how he thought it should be meted out, and eager to test himself against our crew. I got the impression that he thought he could take any of us- cocky brat. It made me wonder if this was how Coby would've turned out if he'd become a marine. I shot a glance at the pink-haired boy out of the corner of my eye. Nah, Coby was too sweet to ever turn out like Toma.

Sensei, it turned out, was a childhood friend of Zoro's named Saga. We didn't really learn anything more about him than that. Saga immediately challenged Nii-chan to a fight, eagerly gripping the hilt of his longsword with one hand. His other arm dangled at his side.

I didn't like that sword. There was something off about it.

We all gathered in an outside training ground to watch the duel. Luffy, being Luffy, immediately launched a rapid-fire offensive. Only, he couldn't land a hit. Saga blocked every one of Nii-chan's punches with ease, moving as if his sword had a mind of its own. He looked disappointed.

"Pity. I suppose you won't do after all."

Green-black light swirled around the sword. Saga whipped the blade out in a massive overhand cut that actually blew Luffy backwards. Nii-chan skidded to a halt at the edge of the cliff. I stared at Saga's eyes. Was it just me, or had they turned red for a second?

Saga loosed a second mighty slash. This time the green-black light reached out towards Luffy like a hungry serpent. I jumped in the way just before it could strike my brother, not wanting to know what would happen if the light touched him. Of course, I conveniently forgot that the same thing would happen if it touched me.

Pain. Hadn't felt that for a few years. It caught me totally unprepared. "Verdammt ficken Sheisse! That hurt!"

My interference appeared to enrage Saga. He came at all four of us with wild abandon, hitting Usopp and Coby as often as Nii-chan and I. The painful light flickered everywhere. One the edge of a cliff as we were, there was only so much room to dodge. It was only a matter of time before Nii-chan and Coby were driven over the edge.

I strapped on my nekode and jumped, doing my best to stay close to the cliff. Usopp whimpered right behind me. We caught up to our falling comrades soon enough. I grabbed Coby; Usopp caught Luffy.

"Hold on tight," I informed my passenger, "I need both hands."

Coby nodded and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I dug both nekode into the cliff, gritting my teeth. The strain on my arms was incredible. Spikes screeched though stone as we slid downwards. My ears rang. By the time we stopped we were almost on the ground and my arms felt like they were on fire.

Not far away Usopp and Luffy drifted down under a small parachute similar to the one I'd made for the _Merry_. Coby looked from them to me. "I think I like Usopp-san's way better."

I winced. "Agreed."

 **SORA**

Sora found both the _Merry_ and the _Moon Boat_ docked near a small village. Most of the other Straw Hats were there, cooking for and bandaging wounded villagers. Sanji had a cast on and his arm in a sling.

The zoan user deposited a giggling Ace on a boulder. "What happened here?"

"The Marimo and his new marine buddies," Sanji grunted. "They stole some sort of scared orbs."

"But Zoro's the most stupidly loyal of all of us…" Sora shook his head. "Something else _has_ to be going on."

"The captain went to find out," Robin said absently. She was examining a stone covered in runes and pictures. "Nose-kun, Pink-kun, and Tiger-chan are with him."

Bon-chan drooped sadly, possibly the first time Sora had seen the okama go more than thirty seconds without twirling. "Straw-boy and Sword-boy looked like such good friends too. This isn't right."

"It isn't," Chopper agreed. "But Luffy will fix it. He always does."

A few minutes later pirates and villagers alike listened with rapt attention as Robin read the legend of the cursed sword Shichiseiken and the three orbs of the gods:

 _"Several hundred years ago, three princes beheld a beautiful priestess by the light of a red moon. In an attempt to win her heart they brought forth_ Shichiseiken _, a treasure of the royal family. The princes then fought for her favour. Their battle spread throughout the island, until the rivers ran red with the blood of their citizens and soldiers. The kingdom was destroyed and the sword, having absorbed so much blood and hatred, became cursed."_

The priestess Maya nodded along; her grandmother shot Robin an odd look. "You can read these stones?"

"Yes. It's a pity they're so worn though; I cannot decipher the end of the tale."

Maya's grandmother nodded. "Then I will tell you the rest. The cursed sword spread hatred and war over the nearby sea, seeking to conquer all under its own darkness. To save the world from its spread, the priestess whose beauty began the conflict took all that hatred into herself and sacrificed her own life. The gods of Asuka then granted the three grieving princes the sacred orbs which they could use to hold back the sword's curse."

The old lady sighed. "Every hundred years, when the red moon rises, we must perform the ritual that keeps Shichiseiken sealed. Now that the orbs have been stolen there is only one way to hold back the curse."

"What?" Sanji dropped his ladle. "You mean… Maya?"

Both grandmother and priestess nodded. The blond chef began to freak out. "A young lady like yourself- no! There must be another way!"

"It's just too cruel!" Bon-chan swooned dramatically. Ghin caught him with a sigh.

"The red moon rises tonight." Nami bit her lip. "If we could find a way to delay Saga's plans…"

"That Bismarck fellow mentioned something about strong souls while they were attacking." Kaya wore the same soft, polite smile she did when sedating rowdy patients. "I wonder if Saga-san plans to kill Luffy-san or Zoro-san for that purpose."

Sabo nodded. "So we retrieve Lu and the Shrubbery and keep Saga away from them until we figure out how to neutralize him."

"I'm a muffin," Ace added sagely. Sora groaned.

"Chopper, that pill you gave Ace made him weird. _Please_ fix this; I can't deal with him anymore."

"Oh no!" The reindeer panicked and began sifting through his medicine bag. "It must've been something off with the dosage of goldlion root- it doesn't always mix well with some of the other ingredients. I can fix that for later, but I'm afraid we'll have to deal with Ace as-is for now. Anything I have that could calm him down would do bad things with his narcolepsy."

"Fine. But it's someone else's turn to keep him from jumping off of things." Sora patted his mallet meaningfully. "I'm not responsible for what might happen otherwise."

"I'll do it if you head the Luffy and Zoro wrangling party," Sabo offered. It said something about how annoyed Sora was that he didn't even consider refusing.

"Your idea won't work," Maya's grandmother interjected. "Saga may need one of their souls for however he's trying to control the curse, but it will fall regardless. There is only one way to save our island now. You pirates should find your friends and leave as quickly as possible."

Maya nodded sadly. "I know my duty."

Sabo frowned. "If there's really only one way to stop the curse we should make sure you succeed, however distasteful. It would eventually spread to the rest of the world, yes?"

Sanji looked like he wanted to protest, but with both Luffy and Zoro gone Sabo was in charge. Maya nodded again, trying and failing to hold back tears.

"Th-thank you. Then please Straw Hats, can I count on you to escort me to the Temple of the Moon?"

"Of course. Sora, did you see this temple while flying?"

The zoan user thought back to the jungle and ruins he'd flown over. "Probably?" He shrugged. "There were four of them."

"The one in the center of the island is the Temple of the Moon," Maya's grandmother told them. "The other three are for the ritual of the orbs."

 **BLUEJAY**

"Well this sucks."

Coby and I nodded in agreement with Usopp's observation. Nii-chan, meanwhile, was bouncing and sliding on the damp rocks. The four of us had fallen into a tunnel system trying to climb back up to the dojo. Them my brother, instead of using Gomu-Gomu no Rocket to get us out the way we came in, ran off down a side passage. At this point we were as lost as Zoro looking for a bathroom.

"How do we get out of this?" Coby asked. "We still need to get Zoro-san back."

I shrugged. "No clue. Never been in tunnels like this before." I began humming an adventurous tune. _Dum da-dun-da, dum da-dah, dum da-dun-da, dum-dun-dun-da; dum da-dun-da, dun-da-di, dun-dun di-oo di-oo di dut-dut-dut-da_. The _Raider's March_.

"Oh cool! I wonder what this does!"

Those words in Luffy's voice never meant anything good. I looked at my brother in horror, arm already outstretched to stop him from touching whatever button or lever he'd found. "Nii-chan, don't!"

He pulled the lever. A thunderous boom echoed through the tunnels, followed by ominous rumbling. Seconds later we had a giant boulder bearing down on us. I slapped Luffy upside the head as we started to run.

At the bottom of that tunnel a thick stone door was lowering slowly from the ceiling. Usopp and Coby got under no problem; Nii-chan and I were behind and had to slide through on our backs. We both lost our hats momentarily, reaching back to retrieve them just before the door snapped shut.

Luffy grinned. "Shishishi! That was fun!"

"No, that was terrifying," Usopp panted.

Unable to go back we pressed onwards, eventually emerging from the tunnels by an old ruin. We could see neither the dojo nor any signs of our crew. As we were about to head back into the tunnels to keep looking, Coby noticed someone missing. "Hey, where's Captain Snappy?"

I couldn't remember the raptor coming over the cliff with us, or even being attacked by Saga. "He's probably still with Zoro. He'll be fine."

Not too long after Luffy found a button in the tunnels. This time it was Coby who was closest and failed to stop him pressing it. Darts shot at us out of crevasses in the rock, chasing us down several hallways. We stumbled outside be a second ruin, though we were separated from this one by a steep canyon. There was still no sign of anything familiar.

"Let's try again," I sighed.

The third trap was triggered without any of us noticing what Nii-chan had done. We only knew it was him because of the sheepish look on his face. Whatever he had touched triggered a gauntlet of whirling blades from the walls and floor. One almost got me as we raced though, slicing a good chunk off the end of my ponytail.

A third ruin was our prize. Usopp groaned and rubbed his face; I looked at Luffy. "We shouldn't have sent Chopper away. His nose would've been good for finding our way in the tunnels."

"Shishishi! Oh well, too late now! I'm sure we'll find our way back eventually."

It was a pressure plate next. Nii-chan jumped on it before any of us could stop him. There was a grinding noise, then the floor of the tunnel tilted and vanished. We were sent tumbling down a muddy gravel slope. Splashes echoed as we landed in puddles in a lower set of tunnels.

"Stop it!" Usopp screeched, leaping to his feet. "I can't take any more of this! Don't touch anything!"

"But they're pretty." Nii-chan ignored our hysterical sniper and reached down to pluck three pinkish orbs from a pool of water.

Coby flinched; I held my breath. Whatever doom we were expecting didn't come. Luffy tucked the orbs into his vest and whistled _Turkey in the Straw_ as he wandered down yet another tunnel. Usopp, Coby, and I sighed and ran after our captain.

We were passing a vertical shaft when I heard voices. They sounded familiar- our crew. I grabbed Luffy's arm and looked up. "Nii-chan, could you rocket up that?"

He paused and tilted his head back to stare at the tiny point of light. Then he grinned. "Sure! Everyone grab on! Gomu-Gomu no Rocket!"

The four of us flew upwards, popping out of the shaft practically beneath Ghin's feet. Coby and I rolled to land on our backs by a giggling Ace; Luffy bounced and wrapped around Sabo while Usopp sort of went splat by Kaya.

"Where have you idiots been?" Nami swatted us all over the head.

"It was Luffy's fault," Usopp whined. "He ran off and kept pulling levers and stuff! It was terrifying!"

Nii-chan looked around at our crew, picking his nose. "Why's everyone so sad?"

"The shitty Marimo and his marine buddies stole some sacred orbs," Sanji spat. "They're supposed to hold back an ancient curse or something. Without them the only way to save the island is for poor Maya-chan to die."

Luffy flicked a booger into Ace's hair. "What's an orb?"

"A perfectly round rock with magical properties Lu." Sabo grabbed our oldest brother's arm to keep Ace from jumping into the tunnels.

"Like these?" Nii-chan pulled the pink orbs out of his vest. The old lady with our crew gasped and froze; the young priestess fell to her knees.

"Where did you find those?" The old lady demanded. Luffy shrugged.

"In a puddle in the tunnels. Took forever to get out- we kept running into weird old temple things."

"And whose fault was that?" Usopp hit Nii-chan over the head with a hammer.

Apparently knowing she would get no more out of those two, the old lady turned to Coby and me. "Temples? How many? Do the tunnels connect to all of them?"

I shrugged. "We saw three. How many are there?"

"Three." The old lady's grim face started to look hopeful. "If we can get the orbs to those temples without Saga knowing we can stop the curse without my granddaughter having to die."

"Then of course we'll take the orbs through the tunnels!" Sanji noodle-danced. Sabo shook his head.

"No."

"Huh? What do you mean Shithead? What kind of gentleman won't help a lady?"

Sabo blocked Sanji's kick with his pipe. "I have no intention of letting Maya die. What I mean is several of us _will_ go through the tunnels and engage anyone Saga might have guarding them, but not carrying the orbs. He'd be a fool not to take precautions in case someone found them. While we distract the guards Sora will fly the orbs to their places. Meanwhile Lu, Blue, and Coby will continue going after Saga and Zoro."

"Why us?" Coby wanted to know. It was Bon-chan who answered.

"Sword-boy is closer to Straw-boy than to the rest of us. Despite how he looks though, Sword-boy also loves cute things- namely Choppy, Birdie, and Pink-boy."

Coby sputtered; I growled. "Not cute!"

Sabo rested his elbow on my head. "You're cute Blue. Deal with it."

"I hate being called cute! Stop it! Nii-chan's the cute one!"

Ghin sweatdropped. "You're a strange girl Donna."

"Shut it." I shot the tonfa wielder my best glare before looking up at Sabo-nii. "Why not send Choppy? He's cuter and Zoro always naps with him when he thinks no one else can see."

Chopper squeaked and blushed. Sabo-nii shook his head. "Whoever goes after Zoro and Saga will probably have to face the cursed sword. You're a more experienced fighter than Chopper, plus we'll need him to patch people up after. He and Kaya shouldn't fight if they can avoid it."

Our nurse shot my blond brother a saccharine smile. Said smile promised an experimental sedative in Sabo's tea at Kaya's earliest convenience. I pitied my brother. He hadn't meant to come off as condescending as he sounded- it was a flash of the noble in him, something he was still working hard to stamp out completely.

Nami cleared her throat. "If we all know the plan we should really get going. The moon will be out in a few minutes."

We all nodded. Nii-chan handed the orbs to Sora, who immediately sprouted wings and took off. Grinning, Luffy grabbed Coby and I and dragged us away. I held onto my hat as we raced through the jungle to get our Shrubbery back.

 **xXx**

We found Toma before we found Zoro and Saga. The young marine was momentarily shocked by our appearance- probably expected us to be dead after falling off a cliff. He soon regained his composure thought, launching an attack at Nii-chan. His eyes shone red; he didn't speak.

Coby intercepted the attack with a flying kick. "Shooting Star!" The pink-haired boy shot my brother a look. "Go ahead Luffy-san. I can hold Toma-san off while you look for Zoro-san."

"You sure?" Nii-chan looked concerned.

"Of course." Coby's eyes flashed. "What these people are doing… Toma-san said he wanted to serve justice, but his is the furthest thing from it."

Luffy looked at me and nodded towards Coby. I frowned, but nodded back. I'd keep an eye on our Pinkie. "Be careful Nii-chan. We'll catch up as soon as we can."

"Shishishi! Of course!" Our captain took off.

Coby glanced at me as Luffy raced out of earshot. "Bluejay-san, please don't interfere."

"Oro?"

"I can't call myself a Straw Hat _or_ a servant of justice- not until I know I can stand beside the rest of you. Luffy-san doesn't get involved in Zoro-san's fights, right?"

"Not unless the Shrubbery can't go on," I confirmed.

"Then please treat me the same."

Toma was apparently tired of our talking because he launched a series of attacks at Coby. The pink-haired boy ducked underneath the strikes and drove his fist into his opponent's solar plexus. Toma staggered backwards. Coby kicked off the ground hard enough that he seemed to almost disappear for an instant, a flash of pink tracing his movement. This time his fist met Toma's face.

"Flash Pistol!"

The cursed marine grabbed Coby and threw him into a rock. Pinkie gasped, his wind knocked out. He was up in a moment though, swinging into a set of rapid roundhouse kicks. "Sea Stars!"

Shing. A soft sound was the only warning as Toma drew his sword. He stabbed towards Coby's stomach only to stumble as the pink-haired boy was no longer there. Instead Coby had spun behind Toma, his elbow driving into the back of the marine's head. Toma growled and whirled, his blade coming across Coby's arm in a line of red.

Visibly shaken, Coby stepped back and placed a hand over his wound. It came away bloody. I winced. Unlike me Coby _could_ feel pain normally. That had to sting.

"Ow…" Coby winced as he moved his injured arm. Toma took this as a sign of weakness and lunged. There was a flash of pink as Coby dropped to his back, kicking both feet up into Toma's stomach. The cursed marine flew into a boulder head-first; said boulder shattered.

Magically possessed skulls must be harder than stone though, because Toma was up in a moment. He charged Coby just as the pink-haired boy was standing up. Coby squeaked, startled, and drove his knee into Toma's crotch with as much force as he could muster. Cursed powers or no, the other boy dropped like a stone.

Coby flinched at his own brutality. Green eyes looked at me expectantly; I shrugged. "Check his eyes. If they're still red, hit him until they aren't."

Groaning, Toma rolled over. Coby panicked and kicked him in the head, sending the marine tumbling across the rocks. A sharp crack announced head-to-boulder contact as Toma came to a rest. He didn't move.

"Looks like you knocked him out," I observed, untying the belt of my tunic. I used it to tie Toma up, just in case he was still cursed when he woke. Then I tore a strip off the tunic itself and wrapped that around Coby's wound. "Good job."

The pink-haired boy flushed. Fingering the crude, bright blue bandage, he shot a glance at Toma. "Do you think he'll be alright tied up like that? What if a tiger or something comes along?"

I shrugged. "That's up to the gods."

"You're mean sometimes Bluejay-san." Coby shuddered. I grinned.

"How many times do I have to tell people? I'm the scary one."

 **SORA**

Sora wasn't sure whether to be grateful for his job or not. On the one hand, he wasn't likely to get hurt flying the orbs to three ruined temples. Well, not unless Nami accidentally hit him with a stray lightning bolt. Even Ace was on the ground fighting Saga's men, and he was still higher than a kite. From the sky Sora could see multiple Hikens that were shaped like peace signs.

On the other hand, flying magic rocks to ruined temples all by himself was _boring_. Even if a marine saw him, what would they do? None of them had guns, only swords. Weirdos. The zoan user sighed. Sometimes he felt like a glorified flying pack mule. Maybe he should whack something around with his mallet later to work off some tension.

 **BLUEJAY**

We raced off into the gathering dark, following the path of snapped branches and overturned stones left in Luffy's wake. Nii-chan wouldn't know stealth if it snuck up and hit him with a brick. It didn't take long for Coby and I to find him.

Nii-chan perched anxiously on a rock, watching a furious fight between Zoro and Saga. Our swordsman wasn't doing so well. Green light flared with every clash of blades, burning Zoro's arms. Saga's eyes glowed bright red. A strange design was growing piece by piece on the cursed swordsman's chest- a burn that shone like starlight. Above the battle the sky flickered eerily pink.

Saga howled, lashing out with a mighty blow that reopened the scar Zoro had gained from Mihawk. The Shrubbery staggered back, falling to one knee. Beside me Luffy tensed, ready to leap in should Zoro be unable to rise. Only someone else beat him to it.

A mighty shriek rent the air as Saga approached Zoro. Captain Snappy bounded from behind a rock, leaping to nip Saga in the butt. The cursed swordsman lashed out with green light at the juvenile velociraptor. He missed as Captain Snappy raced between his legs.

"Scree!" Tiny talons scraped across stone as the little dinosaur tried to trip Saga with his tail. He failed- Captain Snappy didn't have enough mass to unbalance a man. Saga sneered and kicked Zoro's pet away.

"Pathetic. I was hoping your soul would be strong enough Zoro, but if you're relying on _that_ to defend you I guess not. Pity."

"Captain Snappy… isn't… pathetic…" Zoro panted.

"Really? What could something that small possibly do?"

The Shrubbery smirked. "Of you were on our crew you'd know… the smallest birds are often… the meanest. Now!"

"Shree!" Captain Snappy launched himself like a missile. Razor sharp teeth closed over Saga's wrist; the little velociraptor began to whip his body from side to side. This threw Saga's balance badly off, preventing him from attacking Zoro again. It also worked the dinosaur's teeth in deeper and deeper with each motion. Blood pooled on the rocks below.

The pink sky was turning gold now. It devoured the green light of the cursed sword and blocked something even more sinister coming down from the heavens. I heard the murmur of a chanting voice in the distance. Maya.

"Shouldn't you help Zoro-san?" Coby asked Luffy. Nii-chan thought for a moment, then shook his head.

"Nah, not yet. It's Captain Snappy's fight for now."

And to tell the truth, the little dinosaur was doing a fine job. Saga couldn't remove Captain Snappy from his sword arm, not when he could barely move his other arm at all. If things went on the way they were Saga would pass out from blood loss right before Maya finished the ceremony.

Oops, jinxed it.

Saga managed to get a foot up to kick Captain Snappy away. Of course, the velociraptor took a good chunk of Saga's wrist with him. Blood gushed out for a moment, then stopped as green light healed Saga's arm. The cursed swordsman let out a deranged laugh.

"Nyak!" Captain Snappy spat out a wad of bloody skin. Head down, the dinosaur charged. Saga swung his sword down; the tip of Captain Snappy's tail parted company with the rest of him. In return for that indignity Saga got headbutted in the crotch.

Even Zoro, stoic and injured, winced.

Prey suitably distracted, Captain Snappy jumped to bite Saga's clavicle. Foreleg claws held firm to the cursed swordsman's shoulders while hind claws tore at his chest. Luffy whistled.

"Blue, did you teach him that?"

"No, but I totally approve."

Saga hissed. Dropping his sword he wrenched Captain Snappy off his chest- and froze. The red light left his eyes. In the distance Maya's chanting reached a peak. The golden sky flashed silver. Whatever sinister thing had been creeping down from the heavens burned away as the normal night sky returned. The marks on Saga's chest faded.

That wasn't enough for Captain Snappy, who didn't understand what was going on. The little dinosaur squirmed out of Saga's hand and dragged the stunned swordsman down, forcing him to his knees. Tiny teeth were about to close over Saga's neck when Zoro called out to his pet.

"Snappy, stop!"

"Shra?" Captain Snappy abandoned Saga to bound over to Zoro, nuzzling him and crooning. Our swordsman stiffly patted his pet's head.

"Good job little guy. Looks like you saved me. Thanks."

Coby blinked and turned to me. "Did the bad guy- the one who beat _Luffy-san_ and _Zoro-san_ so easily- just get taken down by Captain Snappy?"

"Looks like it." I shrugged. "Maybe dinosaurs aren't hurt by curses?"

Luffy poked Coby repeatedly in the back of the head. "Ne, Coby, you're the fastest right? Go get Chopper- Zoro's hurt."

"Aye-aye captain!" Coby snapped a salute (as marine-perfect as any my brothers and I could do) and raced off. Nii-chan giggled.

"Did you and Sabo teach him that to mock Smokey?"

"No. Bet you three sea king steaks he's secretly got a copy of that marine handbook Gramps used to read us for bedtime stories."

Luffy pouted. "Nu-uh. You cheat. Prob'ly already saw it when you were cleaning or something."

"Ksesesesesesese! Pirate!"

 **xXx**

The islanders had a party for us the next morning before we left. A lot of it seemed to consist of Maya thanking our crew and Saga apologizing to everyone he saw. Without _Shichiseiken_ controlling his mind he was a pretty likeable guy- something of a mix between Zoro and Coby.

Toma was there too, although much subdued. His cocky, eager aura was totally gone. The young marine made a point of avoiding Coby as he moved through the party. He didn't dance.

I, unfortunately, did. Bon-chan caught me as I was avoiding Sabo-nii and dragged me out to the dance ring. I yelped in protest and stepped on his foot. The okama tutted and shook his head.

"Pish-tosh Birdie, a little dancing never hurt anyone. See, even Devil-boy does it."

I looked over to where Ghin and a couple of marines were engaged in a spirited hornpipe. Then I shook my head. "Doesn't matter. I don't dance."

Bon-chan pouted. "Please Birdie? It's not like it's a waltz or ballet- though I _adore_ those. The musicians are about to begin a polka. You'll love it, I promise."

My doubtful scowl was met with a pleading face. Somehow the okama managed to look even more pathetic than Luffy begging for food- though Nii-chan was still cuter. I crumbled.

"Fine. _One_ dance."

The polka was… not as bad as I expected. Certainly more fun than any of the dances Sabo had tried to teach me. I would never admit it though. Doing so would only encourage Bon-chan to try and make me dance more.

"Have you thought of what you want for your tattoo?" I asked the okama as we left the dance circle. He shot me a confused look.

"Tattoo?"

I showed him mine. A look of understanding crossed Bon-chan's face. "Oh. _That's_ how the princess knew I wasn't Nose-boy back in Alabasta."

"Yep. We all have one, 'cept you and Robin. Ghin does them."

"They're all different."

"To show the different talents we bring to the table."

"Perhaps one with my makeup," Bon-chan mused, "To show the okama way to all who see it!"

"You don't have to," I assured hurriedly. "We just… all have. Can only see Chopper's in heavy point though."

"I want to!" Bon-chan twirled. "These tattoos are fabulous signs of friendship! I think I'll get mine on my arm like you girls and Devil-boy."

Ghin sneezed across the way.

 **xXx**

Two nights later we were well out to sea. Usopp and Zoro were on watch- Usopp in the crow's nest, the swordsman on deck. Normally when Zoro was on watch he would train in front of the galley. Not tonight. Tonight the Shrubbery sat despondently by the _Merry_ 's figurehead, polishing his swords. I took the opportunity to sneak past for midnight training-and-a-snack.

Upon entering the galley I immediately jumped onto the counter. Most of the floor was covered in caltrops and mousetraps. I realized my mistake at the last second. Twisting, I managed to grab the handles on the cupboard doors and hang from them instead. Sanji had covered the counters with extra-sticky fly-paper, the sneaky bastard.

I ignored the cookie jar sitting innocently on the paper. Even if I could get to it without getting stuck, anything left out in the open like that had to be a trap.

There was a combination lock on the refrigerator- Sanji had tried a padlock at first, but Ace-nii, Sabo-nii, and I had picked it on consecutive nights. Our cook changed the code every evening. His pattern was getting predictable though- Sanji chose numbers wit meanings he could remember, and there were only so many of those. Tonight's was 31-41-59.

A small lip on the lower cabinets gave me a toehold, freeing one hand to undo the lock. I climbed onto the fridge door as it swung open- something that would've been very dangerous had the appliance not been bolted to both wall and floor. Thank you, whoever thought to weather-proof the _Merry_ 's galley.

Dismal failure. I pouted; the cookies Sanji had baked that afternoon were nowhere to be seen. About to close things up and leave, I noticed a note tacked to the side of a pickle jar. It was in Sora's handwriting.

 _Kay-Kay, if you're reading this, Sanji was bragging that he hid the cookies somewhere he knew you'd never look. I don't know what that means. If tonight's raider is Ace, Sabo, or Captain Luffy- sorry, I've got nothing._

 _P.S. Kay-Kay, if you find the cookies, bring me one._

I snickered. Sora didn't usually assist anyone with raiding the galley- actually, he defended it almost as zealously as Sanji at times- but our chef's chocolate-caramel-peanut-butter cookies were enough to shift anyone's allegiance. And unlike my cousin I knew exactly where Sanji never thought I'd look. The liquor cabinet. Sanji knew Luffy and I rarely touched the stuff outside of parties.

Let's see… a cookie for Sora, and two each for me and my brothers. I grabbed a bottle of sake too, just in case. If Zoro caught me as I left I would be able to buy his silence.

It seemed as if I wouldn't need to. Zoro was still by the figurehead, two swords resting in his lap. _Sandai Kitetsu_ was in his hands. Our swordsman sighed and frowned.

"I know, I know, you tried to warn me. Look, I'm sorry. Just… Ask _Wado_ , okay? She knows why I couldn't refuse."

"Are you talking to your swords?" I asked. Stealth was forgotten as I approached the first mate. Zoro twitched.

"Yes. A swordsman's blades are part of his family; each has their own spirit. I don't expect you to understand."

"Why wouldn't I? Everything has its own spirit. The rocks, the trees, the sea…"

"You're pagan then?"

"Sabo-nii too." I nodded. "Ace-nii and Nii-chan don't really care and for Sabo-nii it started as a way to distance himself from his parents, but it's still how he raised me… So why are you arguing with _Kitetsu_?"

Zoro sighed. "He tried to warn me when Saga sent a message. Cursed blades can sense each other, so _Kitetsu_ knew there was something off with _Shichiseiken_. He's mad at me for ignoring his warning."

"Why did you?" I wanted to know. "You wouldn't just leave our crew for no reason- not after the promise you made at the _Baratie_."

"Saga was an old friend." Zoro pulled a fourth, smaller blade from his haramaki- the strange tanto. It had his name scratched into the sheath. "We grew up at the same dojo. Our ideals were different, but we were still close. I gave him this when I left. About a year later we crossed paths on the sea, a marine and a bounty hunter after the same prey. We teamed up. Saga ended up caught in an anchor chain when things went wrong. He told me to go on ahead, that he would catch up. Then the ship's armoury exploded."

"You thought he was dead."

"Yeah."

We passed a moment in silence. Then, "Don't tell the cook I said so, but I'm sorry I broke his arm."

"My lips are sealed."

Zoro sighed (he seemed to be doing that a lot tonight). "Bluejay, I want you to promise me something."

I was startled. No one had said anything like that to me since the day my brothers and I shared sake. "What?"

"If I ever look like I'm turning against the crew for no reason, cut me down." Zoro handed me the old tanto. "From behind."

"I can't." I pushed the tanto back at him. "I don't know how to use a sword."

"Then I'll teach you. First lesson: scars on the back are a swordsman's shame."

"Why in the Nine Hells would you want me to cut you down from behind then?!"

"Because those who abandon their friends are worse than scum. If I were to turn on my friends- my captain- without reason, I wouldn't deserve to call myself a swordsman."

"Please don't make me do this," I begged. Killing someone in battle, sure I could do that, but to cut down a friend in cold blood? No. "You're the first mate, Nii-chan's right hand. I _know_ you'd never hurt us without reason. I couldn't beat you anyway, so it won't work."

"Hence the attack from behind." Setting his swords to one side, Zoro stood and placed a hand on my head. "I don't expect you to become an expert swordsman. Just enough to use a blade in a pinch will do. You're too fond of cheating and clever plans to be any good anyways- just like your name."

"Oro?"

Zoro chuckled. "The blue jay: a robber, mimic, and dabbler. Jack of all trades- ace of all and king of none. Fearless little things that harass eagles and owls, and pick the locks on their cages when you try to shut them in."

"You've seen one?"

"Once. That's how I know you can do this. Blue jays may be small and lack honour, but they'll do whatever's necessary to protect their nest. As first mate I'm counting on you to be the king's shadow- his enforcer."

"Okay." I nodded and clutched Zoro's tanto tightly. "I'll try and cut you down if I have to, but… Try not to give me a reason."

"Don't worry Little Bird. I don't plan on leaving any time soon."

I tucked the tanto into my belt, then pulled out the bottle of sake I'd stolen from the liquor cabinet. "Drink on it?"

Zoro laughed. "Most people would shake on it, but I think I like your way better."

"Ace-nii's, not mine." I took a sip and made a face. "I hate sake."

"Well I don't, so give the rest here."

 **A/N: Sorry about the blatant slap in the face with symbolism and modified bushido at the end there. *makes a face* Zoro stole the conversation a bit. He's so samurai sometimes… Can't wait to see how he turns out in Wano. Too bad we have to… Wait, that is. *sighs***


	17. Somewhere Over the Rainbow

**A/N: So I bet a lot of you were expecting Jaya now. Sorry, that's the next chapter. While the Rainbow Mist filler was never one I really liked I felt I had to include it for two reasons. One, it fits well with my whole thing of having random Canadians walking between Earth and the One Piece world and was a good place to add the last authorial OC. Two, by doing this chapter I've now gotten as far as 4Kids *shudders* did when they were dubbing the anime. Yes, I know that dates me- when I was the age Blue is in-story, I knew the pirate rap by heart and spent most of my Fridays nights whining to my friend Panda about the differences between the anime and the manga, and how Sanji would have been better off French. But I digress. The point is, hopefully I'm doing well enough that people don't dislike my AU as much as I dislike the 4Kids dub. Also keep in mind that I haven't seen this arc in years and have been too busy for much research, so I probably got a lot of things wrong. I apologise to anyone who cares.**

I sighed when I saw the empty den-den tray. Not again. It was like every time I went to call Dadan or Bartolomeo these days. Blackstar was missing. Not that it was a mystery who'd taken it. I patted Snowball's slimy head and marched over to the men's cabin.

"Sora!" I burst in without bothering to knock. "Quit hogging the snail!"

Ghin and Bon-chan stared at me. The okama was getting his tattoo done. "He's not here Donna."

"Then where in the Nine Hells could he be hiding?! I need the bloody snail; I've got important stuff to talk about with Dadan!"

Bon-chan, ever the peacemaker, tried to calm me down. "Couldn't you talk about it with your brothers? That must be easier than calling your mum."

"Important _girl_ things."

"Then why not Tangerine or Sweet Pea?" While Nami's nickname was obvious, I still hadn't figured out where Kaya's came from. Bon-chan could be odd at times.

"Important girl things that involve Ace-nii's violently overprotective streak and the fact that he's in denial about Nii-chan and me going through puberty."

Ghin shuddered. "Ah. Sorry Donna, no one on this ship will touch that with a ten-foot pole. I'm surprised Don Ace would even be okay with you going to your _mother_ for dating advice."

"Oh, he won't be. But Dadan's too far away for him to do anything to her."

"Never underestimate the ingenuity of an enraged D. I thought you'd understand that Donna."

Bon-chan patted the bunk beside him, inviting me to sit down. "So Birdie, who's the lucky boy?"

"There isn't one." I took the offered seat. "And there never will be if Ace-nii insists on being an _oversensitive ass_ whenever the topic comes up! If he has his way I'll never get a chance to date at all! Or if I did, he'd roast them!"

"What did Flare-boy say?" Bon-chan put an arm around my shoulders.

"Well, I made a comment about a cute guy I'd seen at the last island. Ace-nii's hair caught on fire and he said I wasn't allowed to find guys cute, that I was too young to date and would be until after Nii-chan gets married- which he also says is never happening. He even said he'd lock me in our cabin to keep me away from 'nasty perverts.' Then he tried to get Nii-chan to back him up."

"And what did Straw-boy do?"

I laughed. "Nii-chan said he doesn't care as long as any potential boyfriends join our crew instead of trying to take me away to theirs. Then he threatened to hand Ace-nii over to Gramps if he ever took my freedom away for such a dumb reason."

Bon-chan's fingers carded through my hair. "Is this what you needed to talk to your mum about?"

"Yeah."

"Imagine she's here right now. What do you think she would say?"

Picturing Dadan on the _Merry_ made me laugh again. "Probably that I should hit Ace-nii with a frying pan for being an ass."

"Then go whack Flare-boy a good one." Bon-chan patted me on the back. I grinned evilly and hopped off the bunk.

"Oh, I will."

A few moments later though, all thoughts of vengeance against Ace-nii were lost as the _Merry_ rocked under the force of an explosion. Someone behind us had opened fire. I raced to the stern to take a look.

Marines, although thankfully not Gramps. A chain shot flew from their cannon into the rails beside me, ripping through wood. I flinched and yelled. "Code blue and white! Marines coming up on the port stern!"

"I see them!" Nii-chan bounced over, inflating his belly to deflect an incoming cannonball.

"Should we go out on the _Moon Boat_ and sink 'em?" Ace-nii asked. He was answered by Usopp. Our sniper had his spyglass pressed to his eye.

"You'd never get there in time. Even doing that jet thing, by the time you got there they'd have done serious damage to the _Merry_. We should- Holy crap! They're setting up for a broadside!"

Usopp looked like he was about to faint. Sabo-nii steadied him. "How many guns?"

"It's a seventy-two gun frigate, so… Thirty-six?"

Ace jumped on the rail. "I'll handle it then. Hiken!"

A fist of fire shot forth at the same instant thirty-six cannon went off. The roar was deafening; I shut my eyes and covered my ears. Steel splashed into the sea and slammed into the deck and stern of the _Merry_. When I opened my eyes the marine ship was still there. The sheer number of cannonballs had dispersed Ace's flames enough that they did minimal damage.

My oldest brother shot the marine ship a look of disbelief. "Well fuck."

There weren't enough of us to deflect thirty-six cannon and the marines were drawing up alongside where their accuracy would be better. For the first time I wished the _Merry_ was more heavily armed. Our lone cannon wasn't enough for a naval battle and it was poorly situated to boot.

"Everyone hold on!" Luffy ordered gleefully. "Ace, get us out of here!"

Whoosh! This time a massive stream of fire shot backwards from our ship. For a moment nothing happened, then the _Merry_ bucked. We were soon rocketing along at speeds no ship in existence could hope to match. Of course, steering at those speeds was nearly impossible…

"Island!" Usopp shrieked in terror. Ace cursed and cut off his fire. Sabo and Sanji raced to release the parachute, aft instead of skyward to better slow us down. It mostly worked. By the time the _Merry_ hit the docks she was still going fast enough to tear a strip off her paint.

"Ouch!" Usopp fell on his rear as the ship jerked to a halt. "Where did we end up now?"

"Ruluka Island," Nami supplied. "It was our next stop anyway, so we're not off course at all. The log pose should recalibrate in a day or so."

"May as well get to fixing the _Merry_ again then." Our sniper got out his tool kit and began examining a broken rail.

"My D senses are tingling," Ace announced, much more calmly than usual. "But not in a fun way. More in a 'something creepy's about to happen' way."

Luffy picked his nose. "Is that what that is? Huh. It felt different than normal so I just thought I had to sneeze."

"And when did you learn to sense creepy occurrences as well as opportunities for reckless stupidity?" Sabo wanted to know. Ace just shrugged.

With the island thus deemed 'boring with a chance of creepy' no one wanted to leave the ship. It wasn't like we were low on supplies or anything. Well, except Ghin. He was running low on his special inks. Sora, Coby, and Bon-chan went with him to have a look around.

The weather was getting poorer, foggy and damp. Most of us remaining on the ship spent our day indoors. I finished my book of folktales and looked around with a bored sigh. What I wanted to do was spar, but that would rock the ship and make Usopp's task of fixing the _Merry_ more difficult. Instead I flopped over Sabo-nii's lap- much as Luffy was doing to Zoro, actually. My blond brother patted me absently while he wrote, as if I were a cat.

"Whatcha reading?" My question was directed at Robin. She smiled softly.

"It's called _The Legend of the Rainbow Mist_ Tiger-chan. The book describes a supernatural phenomenon that supposedly occurs in this part of the Grand Line."

"Oh."

Zoro yawned. "Well, I'm bored." He shoved Nii-chan off and poked me in the ribs. "On deck Little Bird. Time for a swordsmanship lesson."

Ace shot up. Funny, we'd all thought he was asleep. "Whoa, what? Where's Blue going and why does she need to learn swords?"

Reaching over, Sabo-nii slammed Ace-nii's face into the table. "Please ignore him. He's not used to Lu and Blue looking up to anyone besides us."

"Huh?" Luffy fiddled with his hat. "But Blue'n me are short. We have to look up at almost everyone; why isn't Ace used to it?"

"And that's why Nii-chan's the cute one," I told Sabo as I got up.

Outside the ship was slick with damp from the fog. Visibility wasn't too bad yet though. I drew my tanto and began following Zoro as he slowly walked through basic drills. With nothing better to do, a few of our crew mates watched.

"I'm curious Swordsman-san," Robin said from behind her book, "Why the sudden desire to teach?"

"Sensei always said teaching was an important part of learning, and learning an important part of teaching. Your understanding of a technique shows in your ability to teach it to others. I just finally found someone interested is all."

Luffy pouted. "I thought Blue liked punching things, like me."

Kaya shot him a sweet smile. "I'm sure she does Luffy-san. But think of it this way: Bluejay-san is small like you, and unlike you she has no Devil Fruit to compensate. Even if she doesn't use it all the time she should have a weapon just in case- something with more reach than her nekode."

"Oh! Like the pipes we used when we were kids!" Nii-chan shot a sidelong glance at Sabo-nii. "Does that mean Sabo should practice fighting without his pipe in case it gets taken away somehow?"

"Ideally? Yes."

Sabo's eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't dare…"

Yoink! Luffy snatched the pipe away and took off across the deck, Sabo right on his heels. Ace soon joined in the training game. Oh well, so much for not rocking the boat while Usopp was trying to fix it.

After about half an hour of this we heard a voice from the docks below. "Oi! You up there! If you're gonna park your ship there you have to pay Mayor Wetton's docking tax!"

Something dark flashed in Nami's eyes. "Pay?" she asked quietly, looking over the side. The thug below nodded.

"Yes. For a ship your size the fee is 2,000,000 beri."

"Can I charge it?" Nami had apparently been taking lessons from Kaya in how to make someone piss themselves with a smile.

"Wha-?!"

Zap! A small bolt of lightning shot from our navigator's clima-tact. The thug collapsed, a charred mess. I giggled. "Nice shot Nami!"

"Thanks Bluejay. Honestly, 2,000,000 beri for a docking fee… That mayor must be worse than most pirates I know."

 **SORA**

As the shopping pirates wandered through town, Sora saw a number of men too rough and crude to be your average townsfolk. The other citizens tended to avoid those men. It gave the whole town an aura of _prey-fear-hide_ that really grated on his instincts. A glance at his companions told the zoan user that they felt it too.

Coby in particular was anxious. Sora tapped the pink-haired boy's shoulder to get his attention; Coby jumped and lashed out reflexively. A wooden mallet blocked the spinning kick. "Hey, calm down. I just wanted to talk."

"Oh. Sorry Sora-san."

"It's alright." The zoan user smiled. "So… When're you gonna ask Kay-Kay out?"

Red suffused Coby's face. "I don't- I would never!"

"Aw…" Sora fake-pouted. "But you'd look so cute together."

The pink-haired boy blinked. "You're… You wouldn't be mad? But the way you reacted in Alabasta…"

"I was surprised is all. Honestly, I think you go well together. Although I'm pretty sure Kay-Kay would be wearing the metaphorical pants in any relationship… And physical pants really. Seriously, I've seen Sabo in dresses more often than her."

Coby mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "I don't mind." Sora chose to interpret it that way.

"Good, cause you're a sweet little beta and Kay-Kay's got too much alpha in her to submit to that. Not as much as Ace or Captain Luffy though- those two give my instincts the shivers sometimes."

Colour drained from Coby's face. "Oh crap. I forgot about Ace-san."

"Forgot what?"

"That Ace-san will castrate, fillet, and roast anyone who dares date Luffy-san or Bluejay-san, crew mate or no. Sabo-san too probably- you weren't here when he was kidnapped. Ace-san was _terrifying_."

Sora nodded his understanding. Yes, Ace could be a problem that way. But obstacles were made to be overcome. If Coby was worthy of dating his little cousin, Sora knew he'd find the courage to do so despite Ace. Eventually.

Ghin returned from haggling and handed Sora and Coby each a shopping bag. "There; that's the inks and needles I needed. Let's retrieve Bon-chan from that cosmetics stand and we can head back to the ship. This mist's getting heavier."

To get to the mentioned merchant they had to pass uncomfortably close to one of the groups of unsavory men. What the men were talking about made Sora stop in his tracks and growl.

"Yeah, apparently there's a caravel in the bay that won't pay the docking fee. Stupid figurehead too- a goat or something. Simon told me to round up a few guys and go teach the broad in charge a lesson. Apparently she took out Leroy."

"Alright then, let's go."

Opening his mouth to say something, Sora was interrupted by a shout from his left. "Bremen's Charge!" Weighted tonfa slammed into one of the rough men, firing him backwards. His companions were stunned.

"Oi, what was that for?"

A grim look froze on Ghin's face. "Never insult the Straw Hats in front of me."

"Straw Hats? You mean that dumb ship belongs to a bunch of dinky kid pirate wannabes?"

"Don Luffy will be the king. Braids of Rapunzel!" Shocked men went flying as Ghin tore through them in a twisting dance of anger. Sora froze. Ghin usually came off as long-suffering and level-headed- where had all this rage come from?

"Snow Queen's Fortress!" Blows that fell like a blizzard drove Ghin's opponents- or should they be called victims?- into the ground. Coby, just as shocked as Sora, poked one hesitantly.

"Are they dead?"

"I don't know or care." Ghin put his tonfa away. When Sora and Coby just stared at him wordlessly, the older pirate sighed. "Look, I never claimed to be a nice guy. I'm good with you kids because we're crew mates- Don Luffy and company were the first in a long time to show me any real kindness. But you have to remember, I was Don Krieg's Devil Man before."

Sora blinked. He had no clue who this Don Krieg was. From the looks of things it seemed Bon-chan didn't either. Which probably meant… Mean-spirited East Blue pirate who got bulldozed by the Straw Hats and would never have made it on the Grand Line.

"So…" Bon-chan wondered, sidling over, "What is it you're saying exactly Devil-boy?"

"That I don't really care about people outside our crew. I'll help them if Don Luffy orders it and I'll play nice if they're good to us, but if anyone threatens you kids…" Ghin kicked one of the floppy, beaten men meaningfully.

 **x?x**

She woke with a start. Something had rocked the wreck- something big. It was gone now, which was good. She was nearly out of explosives after tangling with that giant crab. Hopefully the next hulk she camped in would have something to make more.

The tiny girl stood up, wrapping her fluffy purple scarf tightly. She may as well move now. Those kids from the other end weren't likely to be up yet, which would make things easier, and this wreck was out of food. She needed to find somewhere with better stores- preferably somewhere those kids weren't scavenging yet. Luckily there were a great many abandoned hulks floating about here in the mists.

 **BLUEJAY**

A giant ship floated out of the mist and into the dock beside us. No one was manning it. Fifty years old if it was a day, the hulk looked ready to fall apart. Its sails were naught but tattered scraps, and what looked like massive claw marks adorned the sides. Curiously, none of the wood showed any signs of rot.

"That's creepy," Usopp observed. Kaya nodded.

"I wonder where it came from."

"Maybe it's from the Rainbow Mists," Robin suggested. "My book says entire fleets disappear into the fog never to be seen again. Occasionally a wrecked hulk emerges, its crew vanished. The stories speak of a place called Ape's Concert filled with wrecks, treasure, and skeletons."

"Treasure?" Nami's eyes lit up.

Usopp trembled. "Skeletons?"

"Robin-san," Kaya asked, "Didn't you say the crews of these ships are never seen again?" Our archaeologist nodded. "Then where do the stories come from?"

That was the last straw for Usopp. Our sniper hid in a barrel, squeaking something about ghosts. Nami, meanwhile, had taken on a Luffy-like aura of determination. Her eyes were beri symbols. "Alright everyone! We need to find out if those stories are true!"

"B-but what if _we're_ never heard from again?" Usopp's barrel quivered. "I think I have don't-touch-the-Rainbow-Mist syndrome!"

"Too bad!" Nami kicked the barrel over, knocking Usopp out. "I refuse to be a broke pirate! We need to find that treasure!"

"It's the captain's job to decide where we go and what we do in these situations," Sabo-nii pointed out.

Everyone turned to look at Nii-chan. He had sparkles in his eyes. Ace-nii shook his head. "We don't even have to ask do we?"

"Set sail for adventure!"

"What about Ghin and the others who went shopping?" Usopp demanded, desperate. Luffy paused for a moment. Then he grinned.

"Nami and Sanji can stay on the docks and tell them where we went! We'll be back in a couple hours anyway."

"Famous last words," I muttered. The last time Nii-chan told me something would only take a couple of hours we'd spent over a month following Ace-nii through the jungle while he tried to kill us. Although that turned out alright in the end.

Our navigator and cook made their way down to the docks- the former more reluctantly than the latter. Sanji had hearts in his eyes, as usual. It took Sabo mentioning that she could always raid the hulk at the docks to perk Nami up. And perk up she did, especially after she glimpsed something shiny through a filthy portal.

With Sabo at the helm we pulled away from the docks. It was a little odd, seeing my brother in a place that was quickly becoming Sora's, but it couldn't be helped. I scampered to the crow's nest to keep an eye out for the strange mists from Robin's book. It didn't take very long to find them. The air glistened like the inside of a mussel shell, pearly and violet with flashes of blue, green, and pink. I called down the necessary directions to Sabo-nii.

A chill swept over the _Merry_ as we passed through the mist. I couldn't tell if it was a chill of cold or a chill of creepy. Possibly both, given what we saw on the other side. The sea was dark and full of old, badly damaged ships. It was like we'd slipped through to another world- a sort of naval afterlife. Usopp whistled as I dropped to the deck.

"This is that Ape's Concert place? It looks more like a Wrecker's Reef."

I punched our sniper into the deck. He groaned. "What was that for?"

"Dunno. What you called this place just made me angry. It's _wrong_ somehow, like if Sanji was addicted to lollipops instead of cigarettes."

Usopp shuddered. "You're right, there's something wrong about that."

Chopper looked around at the creepy ship graveyard. "Now what do we do?"

Nii-chan sparkled. "Yosh! Everyone split up and search for adventure, treasure, or anything else cool!" So saying, Luffy grabbed Ace and bounced off. Zoro sighed and followed them to make sure the two Devil Fruit users had a companion who could pull them out if they fell in the water.

After much deliberation (read: many games of rock-paper-scissors) Sabo-nii, Kaya, and I formed one of the search parties. Usopp jokingly called us Team Scary-Ass Blonds- at least until Kaya asked if he was truly that afraid of her. That reduced our sniper to a blushing, stammering mess of apologies.

The hulk that my team chose to explore was an old marine vessel. Its name- the _Reliance_ \- was still visible in faded blue and white. Sabo-nii chuckled and banged his pipe against a rail.

"We should take some pictures and send them to Gramps."

I shuddered. "No way in Hell. I'll get Ace-nii to wear a dress first."

"And there's a mental image I certainly didn't need." Kaya shot me one of her dangerous smiles. "Ace-san doesn't have the build to pull off a dress Bluejay-san, and his legs are too hairy. It would be nightmare-inducing."

"True. Ace-nii's nowhere near as pretty as Sabo-nii or as cute as Nii-chan."

"But he's certainly attractive in a different way."

"Can't say." I shrugged. "Hard to judge when he's my brother."

"I thought the four of you weren't blood related?"

"Doesn't matter. Ace-nii and Sabo-nii basically raised me- it would be like kissing Dadan."

"No it wouldn't," Sabo put in tiredly. "Dadan's a girl."

"So?" I blinked. "Why does that matter? I like both; I'm just a little fixated on Coby right now." As soon as the words left my mouth, I snapped my hand over it. That last little bit wasn't supposed to come out.

"Nami-san owes me a hundred beri." Kaya smiled. "I told her you two were too cute not to happen."

Sabo sighed. "Make sure Ace never hears any of this. The betting might make him angry and the rest will worry him and endanger Coby."

About to reply I suddenly had to dodge a bag of- flaming dung? Where in the Nine Hells did that come from? I looked around, eyes flashing silver as I glared. "Who's there?"

Small voices murmured at the edge of my hearing. "The pirates! They're back!"

"It's a different flag Pakau."

"Doesn't matter. Pirates are pirates- Rappanui would agree with me."

"Where are Rappanui and Isoka anyway?"

"Off keeping an eye on the Stick Ninja."

"Could these guys be in league with the Stick Ninja?"

"Doubt it. She's never worked with invaders before."

I raised my eyebrows and nodded towards Sabo-nii, tilting my head in the direction of the voices. My brother raised one eyebrow in question. Looking at Kaya, I traced a couple small circles in the air with my right forefinger. Sabo shrugged; I jabbed my finger towards an area of the _Reliance_ that looked to have been torn open by a massive crab. Sighing, my brother nodded and got to work, searching for treasure as loudly as he could.

"What was that about?" Kaya asked. I held a finger to my lips.

"There's some voices over there. We're gonna go check 'em out while Sabo-nii draws their attention."

Old wood creaked hauntingly as Kaya and I made our way across the ship. The nurse at my side was nearly invisible at times, as if she were a part of the mist. I wondered how she did it. She'd said before that she was good at avoiding people's notice, but this seemed to go beyond that.

We found three kids crouched in the remains of the forecastle. They had a crude catapult with them and more bags of dung ready to be ignited. I was at loss. What were a bunch of little kids doing in a place like this? They didn't look more than nine.

I must've moved without realizing it, because the kids caught a glimpse of my hat. It threw them into a panic.

"Ah! Purple and blonde! It's the Stick Ninja!"

"Why didn't Rappanui and Isoka warn us?"

Maybe she got them!"

"Run away! Plan sixty-seven!"

The kids fled, bounding away over the broken hulks. Kaya and I stared after them in confusion. They were soon out of sight.

"Well," Kaya said slowly, "That was unexpected."

"Yep." I looked at the nurse. "Any idea who or what a Stick Ninja is?"

"No, although I expect that if we find out Luffy-san will ask it to join our crew."

"Probably." Shrugging, we made our way back to Sabo-nii to help him search the wreck for cool stuff.

 **SORA**

"How much do you want to bet that despite the lack of things to do on this island, Captain Luffy found a way to get us into trouble?"

Coby shot Sora an incredulous look. "No bet. It'd be a miracle if he didn't."

Ghin nodded. "Four Ds- two by blood and two adopted. We should almost be called the Trouble Magnet Pirates."

"Surely Birdie and Pipe-boy aren't _that_ much trouble," Bon-chan said. Ghin shot him a pitying look.

"They're not troublesome _as often_ , but when they're the problem it's bigger and on purpose. My first experience sailing with the Donna was when she figured out how to use Don Ace's powers to turn a boat into a rocket. A couple weeks later, she and Don Sabo took it further and made the _Merry_ fly."

Sora froze, eyes wide with surprise; Bon-chan flinched. "Please tell me you're kidding."

"Nope." Coby popped the p. "I don't understand why Ghin-san and Nami-san hate flying so much though; it's fun."

Bon-chan clapped. "That sounds fabulous! I'd love to see it."

"Please don't tempt them," Ghin groaned.

"Hey you!" The Straw Hats were interrupted by an obnoxious voice. "Halt! You're the foreigners who beat up Grandpa's men!"

"Is it wrong to expect people to flee from that word?" Sora asked no one in particular. He expected the answer was probably yes.

The boy confronting them was ridiculous. Dressed in strange, heavy armour, he stank of grease and ozone. Some sort of thick, stiff whip dangled from his hand. It appeared to be connected to a tube-shaped device on his back.

"Who the Hell are you?" Ghin demanded.

"I'm Mayor Wetton's grandson! You scum owe my Grandpa money. So kneel and pay up!" The brat lashed out with his strange weapon.

Coby, Bon-chan, and Sora dodged, but Ghin was too slow. The older pirate took the blow on his left arm. Light flashed; ozone cut the air. "Argh!"

Ghin dropped like a stone. "Lightning," he panted. "How the Hell'd you get me with lightning? Some sort of Devil Fruit?"

"No, technology. My Grandpa has a personal scientist who makes all the best military inventions. They're better than any gun or Devil Fruit."

"Is that so?" Ghin stood up. "You're just like my old captain then. Kinda makes me sick."

Bon-chan made to grab the older man's arm. "No Devil-boy! No man can fight lightning!"

"Funny thing about sailing with the Straw Hats: you see a lot of stuff you'd swear was impossible. Gimme a minute."

Eyes flashing, Ghin whipped out his tonfa and spun them around. "Brat, let me teach you something Don Luffy showed Don Krieg. How good your weapons are doesn't matter if you don't have the heart to use them."

"Wha-!"

"Bremen's Charge!" Two tonfa in the chest sent Wetton Jr flying backwards, heavy armour or no. He panicked and lashed out again with the electric whip. This time, however, Ghin was ready for him.

"Bluebeard's Gambit!" The tattoo artist threw his right tonfa as the whip wrapped around it- directly into his opponent's knee. Not waiting to see the effects, he followed immediately with a strike to Wetton Jr's head. "Maleficent's Sleep!"

Crack! Iron met bone- iron won. Ghin retrieved his thrown weapon and put his tonfa away; Wetton Jr twitched on the ground. "Shall we continue?"

"How is it that even _you_ call Kay-Kay the scary one?" Sora needed to know. Ghin rolled his eyes.

"Like I said, flying ship rockets."

The four shoppers arrived at the docks not too long after. The lack of a _Going Merry_ immediately worried Sora, as did the presence of a hulking ghost ship. At least, until Nami and Sanji emerged from said wreck.

"Where is everyone?" the zoan user shouted. Sanji shrugged.

"Exploring the creepy Rainbow Mist. Shitty Captain said they'd be back in a couple hours."

"Or never," said a voice from behind a barrel. A small man emerged, a scientist with a bowl cut and a distinctive nose. He introduced himself as Henzo before telling his story: when he was a child a number of his friends- plus much of Mayor Wetton's pirate crew- had been lost chasing the treasures of the Rainbow Mist. Henzo had been employed by Wetton ever since as a staff scientist. He continued working for the mayor in the hopes that someday his research would let him see his friends again, although he knew Wetton only cared for the legendary treasure.

Coby shot Henzo a pitying look. "If Luffy-san were here he'd tell you to grow a backbone and look for your friends yourself."

"Ah, but I can't do research without funding."

"The Dons are out there with most of our crew. If your friends are still alive, Don Luffy will get them out." Ghin's conviction was almost enough to stop Henzo's shaking. _Almost_.

"But no one's ever returned from Ape's Concert! It's impossible!"

Nami smiled. "Impossible? Must be a Thursday. Lots of impossible things happen to our crew on Thursdays. Sanji, get me as much rope as you can; I'd better go make sure the idiots don't get lost."

"Of course Nami-swan!"

Sora sighed and fingered his mallet. "In the meantime, I'll pay Mayor Wetton a visit."

"Doesn't Straw-boy get first dibs on the big bad?" Bon-chan asked, confused. Sora growled.

" _Captain Snappy_ got the last one. Meanwhile _I_ was stuck flying magic rocks between old towers. Bo _ring_. I want a fight." The zoan user felt his patience waning. Sure, he knew he wasn't one of the crew's power houses, but he was sick of being relegated to support. He had a giant mallet for a reason! Sora decided to take a page from his cousin's book as he flew off in search of Wetton.

"If anyone gets in my way I'm feeding you to a sea king!"

 **x?x**

Those stupid, _stupid_ pirates. She'd seen them appear from the ever-present mist. Okay, fine. What wasn't fine was the _thing_ that had followed them. A giant wake, disappearing under the waves almost as soon as she saw it. She didn't recognize it- some sort of sea serpent perhaps? This misty world was strange enough for one.

She'd lost the kids tailing her a while back, when the burning and rubber pirates started chasing them. The more she thought about it, the more it seemed like spying on the pirates was a bad idea. They were dangerous; unlike hers, their fruits were actually useful, and they outnumbered her badly. Yet she was too curious to stay away. The pirates had a warmth about them, something green and cheerful and bright. She wanted it.

Thump! Something dropped to the deck behind her- something large and living. She whirled around to face her attacker…

 **BLUEJAY**

I blocked the stick aimed at my head. Where in the Nine Hells had it come from? The girl's purple scarf was huge, but not big enough to hide _that_. It was certainly fluffy though- and as I learned in the next moments, dangerous. Stick disappearing, the girl leapt on me and tried to strangle me with the thick wool.

It was a futile endeavor. She was even smaller than me and had much less experience- I escaped and pinned her within seconds. "Calm down!" I ordered as the girl struggled in my hold. "I'm not trying to hurt you. We just want to know about this Ape's Concert place."

A wall of confusion met my words. "Ape's… Concert…?"

"Yeah, this place." I frowned. "You didn't know what it was called?"

The girl shook her head. She looked terrified… And lonely, so lonely, like me when I'd first met Nii-chan. It made me want to hold her close and protect her like she was a kitten. Was that what Ace-nii felt whenever he flew off his overprotective handle? I stood, letting the smaller girl up.

"Come back to the _Merry_ with me- my crew has some questions we'd like to ask you."

"No!" The girl backed away from me, trembling. I sighed.

"Sorry, but as a Straw Hat I can't really take no for an answer. Nii-chan would be very disappointed. So try not to get too mad, 'kay?"

I picked the strange girl up over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes; she froze in fear. Eventually she started squirming as I carried her back to the _Merry_. I ignored that though. Whoever this girl was, she couldn't squirm like Nii-chan- few flesh and blood people could.

We arrived at the _Merry_ shortly after everyone else had regrouped. "Hey!" I shouted as I climbed on deck, "I caught one of those kids!"

The girl I was carrying shook her head as I set her down. "Not one of them." Her voice was even tinier than she was, nearly muffled by her thick scarf.

Zoro approached. "If you're not one of the kids we've been chasing around, who the Hell are you?"

"Llama." Scared of me as she was, Llama still hid behind me to avoid our first mate. Wow, and kids usually loved Zoro.

Kaya pushed Zoro out of the way with a shake of her head. "How old are you sweetie?"

"Fourteen." My age? But she was so tiny!

"And how did you end up here in Ape's Concert?"

"Dunno. Magic?" Llama peeked out from behind me. Nii-chan bounced over just then, scaring the fluffy girl back. She actually clung to my tunic in fear.

"Hey! You're almost as quiet as Blue when I first met her! Are you from the same place?"

Ace hit Luffy over the head. "Idiot! That doesn't mean anything- Blue and Sora are _cousins_ and the only thing they have in common is that they're bookworms like Sabo."

The ship shook before anyone could say anything else. We rushed to the rails to have a look. A sea king's wake- far larger than the Lord of the Coast back on Dawn Island- disappeared into the oceanic graveyard. Ace-nii whistled; Llama shook her head.

"Can we eat it?" Nii-chan wanted to know. I shook my head.

"That's a bluefish sea king. If handled improperly it could give us scombroid poisoning. Not necessarily fatal, but _really_ uncomfortable."

Sabo-nii patted my head. "Did you learn that from Chopper and Kaya's medical books?"

"No, from Makino when we were little. She figured at least one of us should know stuff like that."

"Good idea." Zoro petted Captain Snappy. "So… Now what?"

"We've collected as much gold and as many artifacts as we can safely hold without compromising living quarters and supplies," Robin observed. "Navigator-san will have to be happy with that."

"I'll have to be happy with what?"

Looking down, I spotted Nami bobbing below the _Merry_ in a rowboat. A long line trailed away into the mist behind her. "What're you here for?" I wanted to know.

"Henzo confirmed that people never come back from the mists." Nami shrugged. "I figured it was because they got lost between worlds or something, so I tied the other end of the rope to the Ruluka lighthouse. We can follow it back."

Zoro and Ace hauled our navigator aboard- rowboat, line, and all. Nami wasted no time in knotting the free end of the rope around the _Merry_ 's mast. "Oh, by the way, Henzo will want to know if you've seen any sign of what happened to his friends. Rappanui, Isoka, Pakau, Longo, and Akibi?"

"You mean the kids?"

Nami blinked in confusion. "Henzo's in his forties- they wouldn't be kids anymore."

"Unless time doesn't work properly here, being between worlds," Robin supplied. "The lack of decay on these ships would suggest such."

"So even if we get them home the kids will have to deal with thirty-forty years having passed in what was a few weeks for them."

"How long have you been here?" I asked Llama. She shrugged.

"There was no evidence of the children having significant weaponry." From her tone you would've thought Robin was discussing the weather. "We should probably retrieve them before they're eaten by that sea king."

Chopper started to cry. "That would be awful!"

"So how do we catch- zzzzzzzz…" Ace drifted off mid-sentence, but his question was easy enough to decipher.

"We could chase them into a net?" Usopp offered dubiously. Kaya shook her head.

"None of the ones we have are big enough."

Sabo-nii kicked Ace-nii awake. "We'll just chase them down and grab them. Ace and I have lots of experience wrangling crazy kids."

"I resemble that remark," Nii-chan said, picking his nose. "I'm not crazy- you tested, remember?"

"It wasn't just you. Blue was equally bad."

"Hey!" I elbowed Sabo in the ribs.

"What? It's true."

"Maybe, but you and Ace-nii were no better." My brothers and I continued arguing about who was the most troublesome child as we set off to find the kids.

The chase would've been funny if there wasn't a giant sea king to worry about. It was like everyone had turned into Zoro- I would run through a door after Rappanui only to ram head first into Ace, who was chasing Akibi. Sabo kept managing to get from one ship to another without actually jumping or swimming as he tried to grab Isoka and Pakau; half the time when Luffy went after Longo, the boy somehow ended up behind him. We ran up and down stairs that had no right to be on ships, climbed ladders and slid down strangely placed poles. I thought I heard bats screeching as we chased the kids though the mess of old ships, followed by a slow jazz song about a terrified dog solving mysteries. I couldn't quite catch the words though.

When we eventually caught the kids, Robin tied them together on the deck, gagging them for good measure. They yelled _way_ too much.

"Now what?" Zoro asked. Nami shrugged.

"Haul ourselves back to our world using the rope I guess. You guys found the treasure, right?"

"As much as we can safely carry," I promised.

Our crew began the laborious process of getting out of the Rainbow Mists. It was slow going. We set up a rhythm that had us moving the _Merry_ two boat-lengths every second. It didn't last long though. Minutes into the chore, Usopp let go of the line and started panicking.

"It's coming! It's gonna eat us!"

A bullet-shaped head the size of a full brigantine was rushing towards us, silver-blue body churning the dark waves. Massive jaws opened, revealing teeth as long as Sabo's pipe. Ace dropped his section of rope and prepared to fire a Hiken. He was stopped by a high-pitched yell.

Llama ran to the stern of the _Merry_ , pulling a handful of small balls from somewhere within her fluffy scarf. She threw them into the sea king's mouth. Then she hid behind the mast, as if she expected Ace-nii to get mad at her.

The sea king exploded.

Shockwaves made the _Merry_ lurch forwards, the mast nearly snapping as inertia hit. Flesh, blood, and bone rained from the sky. One of the sea king's huge eyeballs landed on my lap. Gross. I chucked it at Ace-nii, who threw it overboard. Twin splashed echoed as the _Merry_ was thrown forth from the mist.

 **SORA**

Crack! An electric whip snapped towards Sora's head. He sidestepped and swung his mallet in a broad arc, forcing his opponent to step back. That didn't work well for the elderly pirate. Sora brought his mallet around and pressed it into Wetton's chest, as if holding the mayor at sword point. The old man's back scraped against a rough brick wall.

"Like I said," Sora kept his voice coolly level as he continued the conversation begun earlier, "Henzo told us all about you. Plus it's kinda obvious from how scared the people are around here."

"Why do you care?" Wetton gasped. "Aren't you a pirate too?"

"There's a difference between being a _pirate_ and being an _asshole_." Sora leaned a little on his mallet. "Our crew _really_ can't stand the latter. You're lucky I didn't give you to Ghin- apparently he used to work for a guy like you. Said it makes him sick, seeing what you do to this town to get money and weapons."

"Drop him Rainbow Thief."

"Huh?" Scales appeared unbidden on Sora's skin. The zoan user looked up to glare at the newcomer. Marine captain, late forties. There was only a mild sense of _alpha_ about him and no indication of threatening intent.

"Let me rephrase that: please release the pirate Wetton into marine custody. We've already captured his new crew- although half of them were barely conscious and babbling nonsense about a devil with tonfa."

"And exactly whose custody would I be releasing him into?" Sora let his tail out in case things came to a fight.

"Captain Rappanui of the _Sea Faerie_."

Recognizing the name, Sora let his mallet drop. "Oh. You're one of Henzo's friends."

The captain just smiled.

 **BLUEJAY**

Llama's explosion more or less fired us out of the mist. The _Merry_ landed with a splash by the Ruluka lighthouse. We wasted no time in making our way down to the docks where the rest of our crew- bar Sora- was waiting. Sanji noodle-danced to see all us girls safe.

Unfortunately, we'd lost the kids. They must've fallen overboard as the _Merry_ shot out. We really should've tied them to the mast or something instead of just each other. I started trying to think of how to break the news to the Henzo person Nami had mentioned- he must be the little scientist standing next to Coby.

Henzo looked amazed as the _Merry_ sailed up to the docks. His amazement turned to hope as Nii-chan and I jumped down and began talking simultaneously.

"I'm so sorry about your friends. We almost had them but-!"

"Hey old man! Those kids in the mystery fog-?"

Of course Luffy and I both talking at once resulted in an incoherent babble of noise. Henzo stared at us in confusion. It was then that Sora chose to appear, alongside a middle-aged marine captain.

"Straw Hat!" the marine called out. There was something familiar about him- besides the annoyance that grew upon seeing our crew. Nii-chan spun his head around to stare.

"Huh? What do you want?"

"Normally I'd say 'to arrest you,' but my brig is currently full of traumatized Wetton pirates. Instead I'll just warn you." Annoyance turned to anger- the same anger as the kid named Rappanui had shown as we chased him and his companions through Ape's Concert. "Never come near Ruluka Island again."

"Oi! You can't tell me what to do! Pirates are free!" Luffy picked his nose. "Who are you anyway?"

"Captain Rappanui of the _Sea Faerie_. My assistant, Chief Petty Officer Isoka, should be here shortly."

I immediately understood. Rappanui may not like us, but he was also grateful- whatever we'd done had gotten him and his friends back to their own time, though probably in the wrong place. When Luffy opened his mouth to retort, I elbowed him in the ribs. "It's the kids," I whispered.

Nii-chan made a noise of understanding. "Ah! Oops! Sorry about chasing you around the mystery place and losing you overboard when we went to leave!" My brother grabbed me by the back of my tunic and rocketed us back up onto the _Merry_ , yanking a protesting Sora aboard as the rest of our shore-bound crew climbed the ladder.

We sailed away from Ruluka Island before the Rainbow Mist marines could change their minds and come after us. My last sight of the place was of a teary Henzo hugging Captain Rappanui for all he was worth.

It took us about three hours to notice that small, quiet Llama was still on the _Merry_. She had insinuated herself among Nami's mikan trees where she was hard to see. Since she was a girl, it was only natural that Sanji would be the first to approach her and try to make nice.

Llama whipped her mystery stick out of nowhere and hit him with it.

I looked at Luffy. "What should we do Nii-chan? We can't just drop her off on some random island. What if they hurt her? What if she blows them up?"

"Shishishi! Silly Blue! We'll keep her, duh! She's funny and good with domo- demora- democra-!"

"Demolitions Nii-chan, demolitions."

"Yeah, that!"

"You can't just keep her!" Nami shrieked. "She's a teenage girl, not a kitten!"

Looking over, I had to disagree. Small and scared, with huge eyes hidden by blonde bangs and that massive fluffy scarf, Llama looked very much like a kitten to me. Besides, wasn't that how we always recruited?

 **A/N: Hooray! All three writers are now in the story, which means in the tradition of Oda-sensei… SBS Question Corner is now open! If you have questions about Bluejay, Sora, Llama, or anything else in this AU (that won't involve massive spoilers) ask away in the comments. Tetsik, StickNinjasLlama, and I will answer them (or most of them, depending on numbers and what people are asking) at the beginning of the next chapter posted. This feature will continue for as long as the three of us keep working on this fic together.**


	18. It's Raining Ships

**A/N: Okay! Time to answer the first set of SBS questions for** _ **One Piece, Two Piece, Red Piece, Blue Piece**_ **!**

 **Starelight wanted to know if Bluejay would hit puberty before the timeskip and how her brothers would handle it. Well, I initially planned to have Blue's first period during Alabasta, but didn't do it because I thought people would be grossed out reading about that sort of stuff. But if there are people who actually want to know I can always include it in an upcoming chapter.**

 **Littleditto wanted to know why Ghin still calls all the crew kids when Robin's so much older than most of them and Bon-chan's about Ghin's age. It's just habit. He's used to being the oldest and least crazy, so he calls them all kids for now. It won't last forever. Although yes, I agree that having him call Brook a kid at least once would be funny.**

 **AJ the Hedgehog wants to know if I'm just teasing about Bluejay and Coby getting together. Sorry, answering that would provide spoilers…**

"So, where'd you come from?" Nii-chan bounced excitedly as he questioned Llama. The small girl shook her head and hid in the only place we'd let her- behind me.

It had taken two days to corner our newest reluctant crew mate to find out more about her. Llama was almost impossible to find if she didn't want to be seen, and she never stayed in a room that didn't have at least two escape routes. Which meant that instead of the girls' cabin she'd been sleeping in the crow's nest. She'd even shoved some explosive marbles down Ace-nii's pants once when he'd disturbed her there. _That_ had been an interesting fire.

Luffy pouted. "Come on answer me- captain's orders! Then you can go back to whatever sneaky quiet things you do while Blue'n me spar."

"…Timmins," Llama murmured reluctantly. Nii-chan beamed and looked at Nami.

"That sounds like a cool island. Where is it?"

"Dunno." Our navigator shook her head. "I've never heard of it before."

"It's not an island," Sora put in, looking up from the notes he was scribbling. He and Sabo had gotten it into their heads to write a book together; I couldn't wait to see the result. "Timmins is a city in Canada, the country Kay-Kay and I come from."

"Shishishi! This Canada place makes interesting people! I wanna go someday!"

"That may be difficult Captain-san," Robin informed my brother, "Seeing as it's in an entirely different world."

"But we got in and out of the mystery mist okay!"

"True." The archaeologist smiled. "I suppose nearly anything is possible for this crew."

Sabo-nii stomped out of our family cabin. Unusually, he was missing his blue coat. A wad of lurid purple fabric was balled up in one of his hands; he brandished it like a weapon. "Ace, Blue, I don't know which of you did this, but you're dead once I figure it out!"

"I didn't do anything!" Ace-nii and I exclaimed in unison. Sabo-nii growled and threw the fabric in our faces. It was- his coat?

"Whatever kind of dye you used won't come out. Fix this."

"How?" Ace-nii squawked, diving behind the cannon. "I've got no idea what happened to it!"

Blue eyes turned to glare at me; I took off into the rigging. "It wasn't me! I swear by the Holy Log of Shinobi, it wasn't me!"

"Well it had to be one of you! No one else on the crew would do this!"

For a moment I thought I heard Llama giggle. When I looked to confirm though, our demolitions expert had disappeared. She was surprisingly good at that for someone whose weapons made so much noise.

Apparently deciding that I looked more guilty, Sabo-nii began to chase me through the rigging. I really hadn't touched his coat though! A gloved hand soon closed over the back of my tunic.

"Come on Blue, it had to be you. Just fix it and I'll go easy on you."

"But I never touched your coat!" I squirmed in my brother's grip.

"Oh sure, and ships that aren't powered by Ace can fly. Just give up and accept your punishment _little sister_."

"Sabo," Luffy's voice was… odd. "Put Blue down. She's telling the truth."

"And what makes you think that Lu? You _know_ how much of a lying cheater she can be. Remember your ninth birthday?"

Nii-chan didn't answer, just pointed at the sky. Our whole crew looked up. Seconds later we were surrounded by a rain of scrap wood and seawater as an enormous ship plunged from the clouds to the ocean floor. Luffy's eyes lit up like stars.

Soaked and sputtering, Sabo continued to glare at me. "That was _falling_ , not _flying_."

I smirked. "Then how do you propose it got up there brother dearest?"

"…Sometimes I really hate you."

"Love you too Sabo-nii."

Sabo dropped me; I ran over to hide behind Nii-chan. It was harder than when we were kids- Luffy was bouncing around the rails like a rubber ball. Zoro had to grab one of his arms to keep him from going overboard.

"But I wanna check out the mystery ship!" Luffy's pout could've broken even Gramps. Zoro didn't budge.

"Luffy, you can't swim."

"But what if there's something cool on it?" Nii-chan looked at me. "Blue, go look for me?"

"It's too deep Nii-chan." I pulled up the knotted rope Nami used to track the depth of the ocean. "See? Fourteen fathoms. Even Sabo-nii can't hold his breath long enough to have a good look around that far down."

"Plus I'm still mad at Blue," my blond brother put in.

Usopp came over and looked at the ocean and the rope. He snapped his fingers, beaming. "Never fear, the great Captain Usopp has an idea that will let even Devil Fruit users breathe at the bottom of the sea!"

Chopper and Luffy sparkled. "Really?"

"Of course! I'll need Bluejay and Ghin to help me put them together though. Give us a couple hours."

And so began construction of the weirdest diving suits known to man, formed of rubber pipe, canvas, and barrels. Ghin and I sewed and assembled at Usopp's direction. Our oldest crew mate looked at the suits with trepidation and let out a resigned sigh.

"Usopp, I'd hate to see the day you and the Donna come up with an idea _together_."

I grinned evilly at our sniper. "Challenge accepted."

"No thanks!" Usopp shot Ghin a fearful look. "The two of us working separately is more than enough brilliance for now!"

We had enough barrels and piping for four suits. After a brief discussion it was decided that for safety reasons only one Devil Fruit user could go down. You know, in case the suits malfunctioned or something. Nii-chan won the ensuing rock-paper-scissors tournament.

"It's for the best," Kaya told a sulking Ace. "Even if you weren't drowning, your fire powers would be useless under water."

"But I- zzzzzzz…" Ace collapsed on the deck. Sabo paused to doodle on his face before getting his barrel suit on.

Sanji, Sabo-nii, and I were to accompany Luffy down. At first Zoro was going to dive instead of me, but Captain Snappy panicked when our swordsman tried to put the barrel suit on. Zoro and Chopper were currently absorbed in trying to figure out what had scared the raptor so badly.

Since I don't like being cold and wet at the same time, going underwater in the barrel suit was an odd experience. There was cold water mere centimeters from my eyes- I could _see_ it, but I couldn't feel it. Plus the suit was cumbersome and stiff when I moved. Too large too, since it was originally made with Zoro in mind and could only be adjusted so much.

It was nearly black at the bottom of the sea; all I could see was the cloud of silt my landing kicked up and the headlamps of my companions. We groped our way towards the fallen ship through memory and guesswork. It didn't take us long to find her.

Broken timbers rose from the mud like the ribs of some skeletal beast, the ship's figurehead a comically small face for the rotting leviathan. Cannon, anchors, and assorted junk that had tumbled from the ship as she fell lay scattered on the sea floor. Our little group ignored those. While it would've been nice to have more cannon on the _Merry_ , these were too large and heavy for her. Plus they were clogged with gunk.

We entered the ship through one of the many holes in her side. It led straight to the main hold- jackpot. Or maybe not. There wasn't much there in the way of treasure. Nii-chan found an old map that was somehow protected against the water and Sanji picked up some sort of single-person boat, but that was about it. The rest was mostly just cool looking shells. I collected a bunch of those in the hopes that I could make something out of them. Maybe they would work as beads?

As I was putting the last shell in my sack Sabo-nii tapped me on the shoulder and pointed. People were approaching the ship. Or rather, a couple of men and an enormous monkey were coming our way, all wearing much better diving gear than our barrel suits.

I hissed. Being underwater meant neither Luffy nor I could fight effectively- Nii-chan couldn't stretch and I couldn't get my nails or teeth into anybody. Sabo smiled and patted my barrel helmet, handing me one of the bits of junk I'd ignored among the wreckage. A pipe. Not far away I saw Nii-chan pick up a pipe too.

When the men and monkey arrived we met them with steel- three pipes and Sanji's shoes to be exact. I giggled. These steel pipes were much better than the lead ones my brothers and I had used as children. Maybe Sabo-nii would finally replace his old one.

The fight was comical. Eight people, all dressed in heavy diving gear, swung punches and weapons in slow motion. Sanji and Sabo probably did the best, along with the monkey from the other side. Meanwhile I bobbed slowly about knocking knives and harpoons away from my crew mates' air lines. I felt like a bloody cork.

A muffled clang sounded as Sabo-nii hit a harpoon hard enough to break it in half. The silt around the sunken ship shifted. Every fighter froze. Then a massive green head burst from the sea floor, followed by mighty flippers and a shell the size of a brigantine. Giant sea turtle.

I grabbed Nii-chan and hauled ass back up to the _Merry_. Sabo and Sanji were right on my tail. We climbed aboard just as the enormous turtle surfaced between the _Merry_ and a silly looking banana boat.

"Usopp, ready the cannon!" Luffy slipped into captain mode as he tore out of his barrel suit. "Someone wake up Ace so he can fry it! Or," here Nii-chan's eyes turned to stars, "get Llama! I wanna see her blow the turtle up!"

Llama, as it turned out, was already sitting on top of the cannon. As soon as Luffy started shouting orders she jumped off and handed Usopp what appeared to be a firecracker the size of a cannonball. Our sniper shot her a dubious look; Llama's response was a tiny evil grin. Shrugging, Usopp loaded the explosive into the cannon and fired.

The turtle was knocked back by a blast of emerald green. I wondered what chemicals Llama had used to get that colour. Whatever they were they must've been pretty irritating; the giant turtle turned tail and fled, an angry rash covering most of its head.

Across from the _Merry_ the banana boat looked like it was preparing for battle. The monkey- Or was it a man?- who'd led the fighters underwater leapt up on the rail. "Oi! Whoever you assholes are, move it! Only my brother and I can salvage in this territory!"

"It's a good thing we're not salvagers then." Zoro kicked Ace-nii awake and stood behind Nii-chan; Sora, Robin, and I joined them. Monkey-man was apparently too enraged to notice, but one of his crew mates did.

"Um, Captain Masira, that's Straw Hat, Fire Fist, Pirate Hunter, Red Talons, Demon Child, and Rainbow Thief. These are the Straw Hat Pirates!"

"Huh." Another salvager frowned. "The noble kid don't look very kidnapped to me."

"They didn't kidnap me! I ran away!" Sabo-nii had steam coming out his ears.

Monkey-man- who I assume was this Captain Masira person- froze and paled. "Hehe… Whoops. Sorry. Please don't hurt us- we didn't know who you were."

Luffy blinked and cocked his head in confusion. "Huh? Why would we hurt you?"

Masira flinched. "Well, your crew has a reputation for being bloody and unpredictable, and you _did_ fight us down at the wreck."

"Oh, that. Sabo thought you guys were gonna attack us, so we did a pre-meditative strike."

"Pre-emptive," I corrected.

"Yeah, what Blue said." Nii-chan picked his nose. "But it's okay, we only leave bad guys bloody and you guys don't seem bad."

"Thank you." Masira and his salvagers visibly relaxed. Nami, however, was tensing up.

"Luffy these guys may not be bad but something else is."

"What?"

"The log pose is broken." Our navigator pointed to the device. Sure enough, rather than at an island the needle was pointing up at a steep angle. Nii-chan's eyes turned into stars.

"Sky island! We've gotta go! Ace, Blue, make the _Merry_ fly again- captain's orders!"

Ace-nii hit Luffy over the head. "It doesn't work that way Lu! I can't steer worth crap while going up and we don't even know how high we'd have to go!"

"Sky islands are impossible!" Nami insisted. "The log pose must be broken!" Ghin nodded fervently to her words, though it looked more like hope than actual agreement.

Coby smiled. "Ah, but Nami-san, didn't you say at the last island that lots of impossible things happen around our crew?"

"On Thursdays! Thursdays dammit! Today's Sunday!"

Masira, whose ship had drifted closer to the _Merry_ , timidly raised a hand. "Miss, I don't think the impossible cares what day it is."

"Oh shut it!" Nami rounded on me after her shout reduced the salvager to a quivering mess. "Bluejay, you're the resident purveyor of crazy ideas involving flight. Do _you_ have any ideas how we'd go about looking for this mythical sky island?"

"One." I did a quick mental inventory. "But I don't have enough canvas to pull it off right now. We need to resupply before I can make anything big."

"Well that's just great!" Nami fumed. "We _can't_ resupply until we get to an _island_!"

"Here!" A jumpy Masira tossed an eternal pose at the _Merry_ ; Bon-chan caught it. "That's a spare of mine. It'll lead you to an island called Jaya not far from here. You can resupply there and some of the locals might know stories about the sky island." The last part was said dubiously.

"Thank you!" Nami was suddenly all smiles. I considered the possibility of her having some sort of personality disorder as we parted ways with the salvagers.

Not long after, we sailed through the beginnings of a storm. There was no lightning and little rain, but the clouds were so thick they turned day to night. Usopp swore he saw giant shadows dancing in the sky, but well… We all know Usopp. Ace-nii set our sniper's pants on fire for telling Luffy and Chopper tall tales.

 **xXx**

Two days later we arrived at Jaya. It was a curious little rock with a single port- Mock Town. The only other feature of note was a cardboard palace stuck to half a house on the other end of the island. Naturally, the town was more useful when it came to purchasing supplies.

I had a list of things I would need for my next project. Mostly it was fabric- black, white, red, and yellow. If I was gonna sew a hot air balloon it may as well match our Jolly Roger. The _Merry_ 's parachute did, after all. As I prepared to go off shopping though, Coby grabbed my arm.

"Give it to Bon-chan Bluejay-san. He said he'd pick up what you need."

"Oro?"

Our okama swooped out of nowhere and grabbed my list. "Don't forget to tell Straw-boy where you're going! And have fun!" Bon-chan twirled away.

"What was that about?" I asked. Coby giggled- sounding both excited and nervous- and dragged me over to Luffy. The pink-haired boy snapped to attention in front of my brother and saluted, still holding my wrist.

"Captain! May I have permission to take your sister on a date?"

"Shishishi!" Luffy dissolved into a fit of giggles. "You sound like you're asking Grandpa, not me!"

"Sorry." Coby relaxed. "It's just… You're my captain and I know we're pirates, but sometimes it's easier for me if I follow marine regulations. Helps when I'm nervous."

"S'alright." Nii-chan stopped laughing. "You're nervous now?"

"Very."

"Good." Luffy patted Coby on the head. "I don't have any problem with you dating Blue, but Ace will. Try not to let him fry you."

Coby nodded and saluted again before dragging me off the ship. My face heated up; I wondered absently if I blushed as heavily as Sora. There was no mirror around for me to check.

"Why?" I asked as we ducked into an ice cream parlour on the edge of Mock Twon. Coby shrugged.

"There's no _why_ about it Bluejay-san. If someone likes you, they like you."

"I don't get it."

"Of course you don't." Coby facepalmed. "You were raised by Ace-san and Sabo-san. Both of them have self-esteem and trust issues the size of the Grand Line because of their parents. Nami-san's right, we need a therapist."

"If it helps," I offered, "I can give reasons why I like you. You're squishy, squeaky, and hard-working; it's adorable. If anyone threatens you I always want to rip them to pieces."

"Sora-san was right," Coby muttered. I didn't ask him to clarify, although I was curious about why he felt it necessary to talk to my family before taking me on a date. Shouldn't he have asked _me_ first? Not that I would've said no…

The server called us forward at that moment anyways. Coby and I both ordered triple scoops of chocolate, mint, and peanut butter in waffle cones. Once we had them I grabbed the pink-haired boy's free hand with my own.

"You know what's an important part of every pirate date?"

"No. What?"

"Dine and dash!" I pulled Coby out of the ice cream parlour and tore off down the street. The proprietor's angry shouts followed us, but no one gave chase. Mostly because a couple of bar fights spilled out onto the road and got in the way. Mock Town truly was a pirate's paradise.

I looked over my shoulder to smile at Coby. It felt right, sharing this with him. I'd only ever dined and dashed with my brothers before. Coby smiled back, laughing and trying to eat as we ran.

Wham! Not looking where I was going, I ran into someone tall and solid. Only some very creative maneuvering saved me from losing my ice cream. I glared up at the red-haired man.

"Hey! Watch it!"

"Watch it? You're the one who ran into me!" The redhead looked at his blond companion for support. Said blond- who _really_ looked like a pineapple- shrugged.

"Just let it go yoi. We need to call Pops soon, remember? You're supposed to check in every day because of your injury."

"Yes _Mom_. Don't worry, this won't take long."

"Oh, it's on." I ate my ice cream with speed that rivalled Nii-chan and prepared to fight. The redhead drew two swords; I strapped on my nekode.

Coby and Pineapple sweatdropped. "Bluejay-san…"

"Thatch, be reasonable yoi."

"No!" Thatch and I lunged at each other at the same time. I saw his injury at once; his back was stiff and he acted as if moving his left arm too much pained him. I tried to take advantage of this by ducking under his swing and striking out at his left shoulder.

A cut from Thatch's second sword made me re-evaluate this plan. He left a line of blood from my shoulder to my elbow as I scrambled back. Off to the side I heard Coby and Pineapple give equally resigned sighs.

"I don't suppose you can control your girlfriend yoi?"

"Only her brothers can do that. Could you call off your-?"

"Brother. No, the fool doesn't listen to me yoi."

"Huh. I'm Coby."

"Marco. Are you kids-?"

"Pirates. And you and Thatch-san?"

"Pirates."

I tried charging in low, hoping to take Thatch out at the knees. He couldn't bend to get his swords at me decently, but he sure could kick. I rolled into a wall. Bouncing up on all fours, I pounced at Thatch with the intent of biting his arm. Instead two swords nipped at my ribs as he knocked me away. I saw Coby wince out of the corner of my eye.

"Thatch-san better be prepared to deal with Bluejay-san's big brothers."

"He usually is yoi- although more from wooing their sisters than from fighting them."

"It's not the fighting that will bother Ace-san- it's that Bluejay-san's losing."

"Of course she is yoi. Thatch may be injured, but he's still part of Pops' crew."

Desperate times called for desperate measures. I kicked up a cloud of dirt to blind Thatch- at the same moment he knocked my glasses off with the pommel of one sword. Stupid- I'd forgotten to remove them. Oh well, at least they weren't broken. His other sword dug into my thigh. Growling, I lunged for his throat. The redhead responded by slashing up the side of my face with one blade, striking hard with the other just above my knee. Something snapped; I staggered. When I tried to duck in for a palm strike to Thatch's chest my leg buckled. I fell right onto his crossed blades, tearing two deep lines across my collarbones.

"Why can't I stand?" I tried to force myself to my feet, but my right leg wouldn't move the way I wanted it to. Thatch rested the point of one sword between my eyes.

"Because I broke your leg. Can't you feel that?" Any bloodlust on the redhead's face was lost in a mist of confusion. "Wait… How old are you? You're tiny."

"No. And I'm fourteen."

Marco came over and thumped Thatch on the head. "Idiot. Congratulations- you just beat up a teenage girl. We're _supposed_ to be reporting to Pops about your condition and Teach's movements yoi."

"She started it." Thatch sheathed his swords and offered me his hand. I hissed and slapped it away, dragging myself to my feet using Coby as a support. My nekode were still on, so the slap drew some blood. Thatch winced.

"Okay, maybe I deserved that. Vicious little thing aren't you? When you're grown up you might even be a decent threat."

"Pops'll be disappointed if she isn't." Marco nodded towards me. "That's Red Talons yoi, one of the Straw Hat kids he was interested in."

"Oh yeah! He said Straw Hat and Fire Fist remind him of an old friend. Didn't he say he was gonna try and recruit them?"

"Like Hell any of us would join another crew!" I snapped. "Nii-chan's gonna be king of the pirates!"

Coby and Marco moved simultaneously to grab me and Thatch, covering our moths with their hands before another fight could start. "Come on Bluejay-san, we need to get Chopper-san to have a look at your leg."

"Thatch, we _really_ need to report to Pops yoi. Teach could leave if we're not fast enough; what if Pops wants us to do something?"

I struggled; Coby jabbed my injured leg, forcing me to collapse onto him. "Bluejay-san, let it go."

Marco grimaced in disgust and wiped his hand on his pants. Thatch had licked him. The redhead poked Coby in the forehead. "You… Why're you calling your girlfriend –san? It's too formal for a little pirate!"

"Because it's our first date and I'm terrified of her brothers!"

"Fair enough. But if-!"

"Thatch, _enough_." Marco elbowed Thatch in the solar plexus. "Let the kids go yoi; I'm sure we'll see them again." The blond pirate scribbled down a den-den mushi number and handed it to Coby. "That's my private line yoi. If your crew meets a big man with dark hair and bad teeth that goes by Marshall D Teach or Blackbeard, get the Hell away from him and call me. Our crew has a bone to pick with him yoi."

"Yeah, for stabbing me in the back," Thatch muttered. Coby nodded.

"O-okay…"

The older pirates left us. I took off my nekode and retrieved my glasses from where they'd fallen, Coby holding me up all the while. "So, what's next?"

"As much as I'd love to continue our date Bluejay-san, we really should get you to Chopper-san. A broken leg is no laughing matter even if you can't feel pain."

 **SORA**

For the first time since joining the Straw Hats, Sora found himself questioning his captain's sanity. That it had only happened the once probably said something about the zoan user's own mental state, but he tried not to think about that. It would just give him a headache. The impromptu pie eating contest between Luffy and a random (though vaguely familiar) stranger wasn't the problem. That was almost to be expected. Sora did agree with his captain there; the pie crusts were too crunchy and the filling was underdone. The grog was okay though.

While Luffy stuffed his face a number of other Straw Hats were asking around the bar about sky islands- Sora and Nami subtly, Zoro and Ghin less so. It wasn't going well. One man offered the opinion that if such phenomena existed they should be called skylands; most weren't even that helpful. A few pirate crews ridiculed the idea of islands that flew. _That_ was what made Sora start to question Luffy's sanity. Or rather, Luffy's reaction was.

The pirate in question was Bellamy the Hyena, a big blond with awful taste in shirts. His poster on the wall labelled him as being worth 55,000,000 beri. When Luffy himself began asking about the sky island it was Bellamy who answered. Sort of.

"Give it up Straw Hat. An island can't float in the sky; you're being an idiot."

Luffy frowned, a look Sora was coming to associate with impending brawls. "Yeah? What do you know? Even if I'm an idiot Sabo, Blue, and Nami're a hundred times smarter'n you and _they_ think it's possible."

"If they're encouraging you they're nothing more than stupid dreamers too."

A straw hat shadowed brown eyes- Luffy was _pissed_. Sora shifted to grip his mallet as his captain exuded an aura of _alpha-kill_ beyond anything the zoan user had ever felt. A hooker in one corner fainted.

"What do you think pirates _are_ Hyena-face?"

"That's easy!" Bellamy emptied his tankard and slammed it down. "We're rogues and robbers; we lie, cheat, steal, kill… Anything to make a living and hopefully some extra. Power and money are all that matter- dreams are for rookies."

Then Bellamy looked at the bar's bulletin board. It was out of date, still proclaiming Luffy and Ace's bounties at 30,000,000 and 20,000,000 respectively. "Then again, I guess you're still a rookie. Maybe if you and Fire Fist teamed up you _might_ stand a chance against me."

Bellamy slugged Luffy, driving him through a table. Katana, tonfa, and a mallet were ready in a flash; Captain Snappy growled. Luffy stood, placing a hand on Zoro's shoulder. When he spoke his voice was low and dangerous.

"No. Whatever he does, don't fight back."

"But Don-!"

" _No_ Ghin."

Logically, Sora understood. They couldn't make a scene until the other groups had had time to resupply. But this was so unlike Luffy… "Captain, _why_?"

Luffy stared right at Bellamy as he answered Sora's question. "When I was little Shanks taught me that some things aren't worth fighting over _and some people aren't worth fighting_."

It was like he'd hit some sort of switch. Bellamy roared. Fists pounded against rubber as the Hyena lay a one-sided beatdown on the Straw Hat captain. Nami gasped; Sora was frozen. Even Zoro and Ghin were unable to move, their loyalty to their captain at war with itself. When Bellamy was through Captain Snappy trotted over and nuzzled Luffy, crooning worriedly. The rubber boy patted the raptor.

"I'm okay Snappy." Luffy stood. "Come on guys, let's go back to the _Merry_."

The Straw Hats did as they were bid. Sora glanced over his shoulder as they left the bar. Behind them, Bellamy looked confused. The blond pirate couldn't seem to tell if he'd won or lost the encounter.

Outside the bar, the man who Luffy had eaten pie with was waiting. He was so familiar...Sora was sure he'd seen the man before, but where? He couldn't organize his thoughts properly, his head still ringing with shock from the Bellamy incident. "Don't listen to idiots like him Straw Hat. As long as men sail the seas, their dreams will never die!"

Smiling, Luffy placed a hand on his hat. "Yeah, I know. My baby sister's smarter than that stinky Hyena any day."

"Zehahaha! You're probably right!"

 **Llama**

Perching on a fence, the newest Straw Hat kept an eye on her companions as they shopped, wondering why they wanted her as one of them. Not that she was unhappy about it. No, she envied the close relationships among the crew- particularly between the captain and his siblings. _That_ was the sort of family Llama had always wanted. Maybe someday…

Llama whipped out her notebook and began writing. It had been almost a week since she'd updated her list- she was slipping. Besides, writing was soothing when unpleasant thoughts began to rise. Not as soothing as blowing something up, but it helped.

So absorbed was she in her list, Llama didn't notice Usopp and Kaya join her. At least, not until the sniper poked his abnormally long nose into her business. "Bluefish sea king, Fire Fist Ace, empty barrel, giant turtle… What's all this?"

"A list."

"I can see _that_. A list of what?"

"Things I've blown up." Llama looked Usopp in the eye as she brought one hand behind her scarf. Her other kept writing. Usopp's eyes went wide.

"Wait! Why're you adding my-?!" Too late. Llama shoved a few of her least dangerous explosive beads down the sniper's overalls.

"Too nosy."

Usopp screamed like a small child as the tiny explosives popped and sparked against his back. His clothes were charred, but he would be fine. Llama only meant to scare some manners into him. It was rude to read someone's notebook without permission.

Kaya giggled as she checked the sniper's wounds. "Don't worry Usopp-kun, you'll be fine. They're barely blistering; Llama-san's precision with her explosives is amazing."

Llama hid her face in her scarf, embarrassed. No one had called her amazing before. She _really_ liked these pirates.

Clip-clop, clip-clop. An old horse ambled slowly up the street. It was a tired nag with a sickly man on its back. The old man had a doctor's bag hanging from his saddle, but what kind of doctor couldn't even cure his own cough? He was wheezing and rattling like an old window in a storm. More importantly, he was offering apples to everyone he met- apples that didn't smell right. Llama stopped Usopp before the sniper accepted one.

"Huh? What's up Llama? Something wrong?"

"The apples are wrong." Llama sniffed. Cyanide and gunpowder. "Some are poisoned; others blow up. Maybe a third might be safe."

"Clever girl," the doctor wheezed. He smiled. "It's a test of fate- whose luck is good enough that they leave unscathed, who survives with an illness or injury, and who is unfortunate enough to die."

"Creepy." Usopp shuddered. Kaya smiled politely, an expression that made Llama's skin crawl for no reason.

"And what does Llama-san's nose say about _our_ luck?"

The doctor rattled with laughter. "I'd say your crew is blessed to have people of diverse and interesting talents. It's your fate to do things others might consider impossible." Still laughing, horse and rider ambled on.

"Creepy," Usopp reiterated. "It's like Zoro, Bluejay, Ghin, and Kaya somehow had a kid together. Except he's old."

Llama stared at the sniper. "How would that work?"

"It wouldn't." Kaya placed a hand on Usopp's shoulder in a manner Llama could only call loving-yet-threatening. "Bluejay-san is with Coby-san and I have no interest in older men _or_ overly muscled swordsmen with no sense of direction. Besides, I have a feeling the captain has his eye on Zoro-san and only a fool would get in the way of our dear leader. Well, a fool or Ace-san."

"Same thing," Llama whispered. Kaya giggled.

"Oh Llama-san, you're going to fit in fine. Come on; I've got everything I need so we may as well get back to the _Merry_."

 **BLUEJAY**

Chopper's group arrived at the _Merry_ at the same time as Coby and I. Our doctor immediately flew into a panic at the sight of me. "Eek! Bluejay's bleeding and her leg looks broken! Someone call a doctor!"

"That would be you," Sabo-nii reminded the reindeer gently.

"Oh, right." Once calmed down Chopper immediately got to work making a cast. Robin looked me over, a small frown creasing her forehead.

"What happened Tiger-chan?"

"Got into a fight with someone way above my level. It's all good now."

Sanji and Ace arrived at that moment with the food. My oldest brother immediately burst into flames. "Blue! What happened? Who did this? Did you kick his ass?"

I flinched. "No. I got mad at a guy for almost making me spill my ice cream and got royally pounded. It's all good now though; we're friends. Or Coby's friends with his friend at least."

Ace-nii's flames leapt skywards. "Who is he? I'll fry him!"

"Redheaded dual-wielding swordsman named Thatch. But don't you _dare_ go after him Ace-nii; like I said, we're friends now."

Coby flinched away from the fiery column of angry brother. "I don't get it. Ace-san didn't react this way when you got hurt in Alabasta!"

"Because in Alabasta Blue didn't lose." Sabo doused Ace with a bucket of seawater. "After how we met them- or how I met them at least- it causes Ace and I understandable distress to see Lu or Blue defeated by someone other than us. Especially Blue; we met a couple of thugs once who took a little _too_ much interest in her."

I blinked up at Sabo-nii in confusion. "When was that? I don't remember them."

"The guys we fought in Makino's bar when you were ten. They had a steel net and those stupid miniature clubs."

"Oh, them."

Bon-chan arrived with the fabric and things next. He was pouting. "I don't like this town. They were horribly rude about my okama way."

"They're rude about everything." Zoro hauled Nii-chan aboard. Luffy was subdued and full of enough splinters to build a barstool. "You should've seen what we went through asking about sky islands."

Sora and Ghin nodded as they climbed on board. Both looked livid. Nami, following after with Captain Snappy in her arms, was horror-stricken.

The last group arrived not long after. Usopp shuddered as he made his report. "This place's creepy. There was one guy playing a weird fate game with poisoned apples and explosives- I might be dead if Llama hadn't stopped me!"

Nii-chan nodded. "We've got everything now, so let's go to the other side of the island while Blue makes her thingy."

"I'll get started right away. Usopp, Ghin, with me! Kaya and Chopper too- stitching wounds is enough like sewing." I looked at Bon-chan. "Can you sew?"

"Of course!" The okama twirled.

"Good. The more helping hands I have the faster we'll get to the sky island."

 **xXx**

We dropped anchor not far from the half-house. I arranged my sewing squad on the beach; making the balloon would take a lot of space. The six of us worked quickly, with Llama acting as a runner to fetch thread and things. Captain Snappy kept trying to play with the loose ends, so I gave him a rubber ball to distract him. The rest of our crew mates read or kept watch nearby.

That didn't stop Usopp at least from getting scared out of his overalls. A couple minutes into making the balloon we heard a splash. A man with hair that resembled a chestnut leapt out of the water. He ran towards us as if he meant to scare us off, then dropped like a stone. Usopp shrieked; Chopper dropped the seam he was working on.

"Someone call a doctor!"

"Again," Sabo-nii reminded the reindeer, "That's you."

"Oh. Right."

The man turned out to have the bends, a problem associated with deep-sea diving. Chopper and Kaya looked after him while the rest of us continued work on the balloon. He woke up after about ten minutes; when he did, Nii-chan was right in his face.

"You should be more careful old man."

"Who the Hell are you kids?!"

"Shishishi! I'm Monkey D Luffy! We're the Straw Hat Pirates. Who're you?"

"Montblanc Cricket."

Chopper placed a hoof on Cricket's forehead to keep him from getting up. "You have a serious case of the bends- it looks like you've been diving deep, often, and quickly. Why would you do that? It's dangerous!"

Cricket nodded towards a book on a table by his strange house. Sanji picked it up. " _The Tale of Noland the Liar_ huh? I remember this one. He claimed to have found a city of gold but when he led the king there, there was no city to be found. Shitty king got so mad he executed Noland."

"Isn't that a North Blue story?" Robin asked. Our cook blinked.

"Yeah. I was born in the North Blue. Thought everyone knew that." Everyone who'd joined on the Grand Line shook their heads at Sanji's words. Our cook huffed, sending a puff of smoke into the air. "Merde. It's not like I was _trying_ to hide it."

"Noland was my ancestor," Cricket told us, "And Jaya is at the coordinates listed in his old journals. I dive because Noland thought the city sank into the sea. There's gold down there sure enough- brought plenty up, it's all in my house- but I've never seen any buildings."

Nii-chan cocked his head to one side. "So you're diving to prove your ancestor right?"

Cricket shook his head. "I just want an answer one way or the other."

"Good luck." Luffy bounced in place. "If we ever see anything we'll let you know, but we're looking for skylands, not sunken cities. Although those are cool too!"

"Skylands? You mean sky islands?" Cricket looked thoughtful. "I suppose if they exist you might be able to get there by riding the Knock-Up Stream…"

This time it was Nii-chan's turn to shake his head. "Nah, the flying part's easy. Blue's making a thing; we can go in a couple of hours."

Cricket stared at the massive sewing project I was directing. Ghin met his gaze and shook his head. "You _really_ don't want to know."

"No, I suppose not."

Captain Snappy's ball bounced off into the nearby jungle; the little raptor squealed and took off after it. Zoro made to follow, but Ace stopped him.

"I'll go. Don't want you getting lost out there." My oldest brother disappeared among the trees.

"Should someone go after him?" Chopper asked. "What if he has one of his fits?"

Sabo-nii jumped to his feet. "I'll do it. It'll be just like old times." He ran off into the jungle with his pipe in one hand; his other hand held his hat on.

Turning my attention to the soon-to-be balloon, I began to stitch in the first panel of our Jolly Roger. My fellow tailors looked in awe at the speed with which I was sewing. Hey, if they'd had to learn to keep Luffy occupied with crafts, they'd be faster too. I couldn't wait to shot off Nii-chan's favourite knitting trick now that we finally had enough colours of wool. A song found its way to my lips as I continued working.

 _Way out at London Airport in hangar number four_

 _A lonely little biplane lived whose name was Evermore_

 _His working days were over, no more would he sail_

 _Upon his wings, above the clouds, flying the royal mail…_

 **xXx**

The balloon was almost done when a group of intruders showed up. Nii-chan's face darkened. "Bellamy…"

"Oro?" I looked up at my brother. He shook his head.

"A dummy who thinks pirates shouldn't dream."

I flinched. We didn't talk about it often, but most of our crew mates had big dreams. Bellamy's view wouldn't sit well with them at all. Hells, I was one of the few without a dream and it _still_ didn't sit well with me. And Sora's fruit was the dragon of dreams…

Because of where we were, Bellamy's crew didn't see us at first. The blond pirate started roughing up old man Cricket, demanding the gold he'd found while diving. Hat shadowing his eyes, Nii-chan stood and marched over.

"Leave Cricket-man alone."

"Stand aside Straw Hat." Bellamy licked his lips, as if hoping Luffy would refuse. "The difference if our bounties is too great for this to even be an interesting fight."

Luffy cocked his head to the side. "Would you rather fight Blue? Normally you could do that, but her leg's broken right now so it wouldn't be fair."

Robin edged over to where I sat. "His bounty's 55,000,000."

"Ah. So Nii-chan's overkill."

A tic mark appeared on Bellamy's forehead. "Quit that! You're a rookie; a shrimp like you can't mock me, but every time I see you that's all you do! Learn your place!"

His limbs turned to springs. Bellamy's crew cheered. "Get 'im Captain!"

"Show that midget who's boss!"

"Knock his block off!"

Bellamy obliged, firing himself at Luffy with tremendous speed. My brother grabbed the older pirate out of the air- seizing him by the head- and slammed him into the dirt. The spring man twitched but didn't get up.

"Leave my friends along- that includes Cricket-man." Nii-chan's anger leaked, giving Bellamy's crew the emotional equivalent of a flick on the nose.

"And remember," Sora added with a smug smile, "Not every seedy bar gets the paper on time." My cousin waved the bounty posters we'd gotten in Alabasta. Bellamy's crew paled.

"Shit! Straw Hat, Fire Fist, Pirate Hunter, and Demon Child are all worth more than the captain!"

"Red Talons is worth almost as much!"

"And they've got that low-bounty Rainbow Thief too!" Bellamy's crew retrieved their captain and fled.

Sora frowned. "My bounty's not that low, is it?"

"At least you have one." Sanji took a drag on his cigarette.

My sewing squad finished our balloon a few minutes after Bellamy's crew left. Not long after, Ace and Sabo reappeared with Captain Snappy. The little raptor was chewing on his rubber ball. Ace-nii was also carrying an egg. I made a face at him as Coby helped me up.

"Ace-nii, no one eats just one egg."

He held the egg to his chest, sending me a hurt look. "I'm not gonna eat it! I'm gonna hatch it! It's from a really cool bird that has a creepy as fuck voice and can control insects with its mind."

I rubbed my temples. "And _why_ do you want a creepy jungle bird?"

"To teach it to shit on marines of course!"

Well, I couldn't fault that logic. "Okay. Don't come crying to me if Captain Snappy eats it though."

"Since when do I cry? That's Lu."

"Point taken."

We tied the balloon onto the _Merry_ 's rails but we didn't try it right away. I wanted to make sure we were far enough from Jaya that we wouldn't be blown into the trees or something first. So we sailed south for an hour or so- at least, I think it was south. Cricket had told us that the egg Ace was doting on belonged to a southbird. They only ever faced south, so surely the way the egg was pointing was southwards?

Once Jaya was a dot on the horizon I began directing the raising of the balloon from my seat by the mast. "Ghin, Sanji, furl the sails! Sabo-nii, make sure it's not gonna get caught in any lines! Usopp, to the crow's nest! Tell me if you see any problems!"

"Aye-aye!" The men rushed to do as I'd bid. I looked at Ace-nii.

"Wanna be the heat source or the rudder?"

"Huh?"

Nami came over, spinning her clima-tact idly. "If you're doing what I think you're doing we're better off with me under the balloon and Ace as the engine." She paled. "I can't believe I just volunteered for that."

"Ksesesesese! Thanks Nami!"

Our navigator heated up the air inside the balloon while Ace took up his customary "rocket" position on the stern. Sora would act as a go-between, running steering instructions from Nami to my brother- although Usopp was already working on a device that would allow us to still fly and steer when they needed sleep. The _Merry_ creaked as the huge fabric sphere rose and began pulling upwards. There was an odd sucking splash as we were pulled free of the waves.

Nii-chan giggled and bounced. "This is awesome! We're airship pirates!"

"Probably the only ones," Kaya mused. "I don't think even the government has any ships that can fly. Unless someone has a Devil Fruit for it?"

"It's possible," Robin said from her chair.

Coby, who was keeping a lookout from the rails, suddenly called out a warning. "Ship coming up on the stern, um, below! It's a weird raft-looking thing with a three-skull flag!"

Another pirate crew, but not one I recognized. Luffy bounced over to Coby. "What're they doing?"

"Um… Following us I guess? They're not gonna manage that for long though."

Sora startled, eyes blown wide. He dashed over to Ace-nii without warning or direction from Nami. "Ace, give us a little speed. The water back there's going nuts- I think it might be the Knock-Up thing Cricket mentioned."

"Knock-Up thing?" Confused as he was my eldest brother obliged, pushing the flying _Merry_ forwards with a delicate but steady stream of flames.

And not a moment too soon. The _Merry_ was about a hundred meters in the air when the largest geyser I'd ever seen burst from the sea behind us. It threw the three-skull raft over backwards, scattering screaming pirates. Ghin glanced at the geyser and looked like he was about to be ill. Bon-chan reached over to pat our tattoo artist on the shoulder.

"Aren't you glad Birdie found a safer way for us to go up?"

Ghin nodded mutely.

 **SORA**

The _Merry_ continued to rise slowly during the night. It was brilliant, the device Usopp had rigged what he realized what Ace and Nami were doing. Ugly, but brilliant. A heater supported the balloon in place of Nami's clima-tact while three fans had been wired together and attached to the rudder.

Sora took the helm on his watch- his partner, Coby, was fretting too much to be of any use. It was a good thing Ace was no longer needed to power the ship's flight too, otherwise a fight might've broken out. The zoan user wondered how in the world his cousin planned to saver her little boyfriend from her adopted brother's fiery wrath.

"Squishy… Why squishy? I know why she called me squeaky- that's how we met- but squishy?" Coby looked at Sora expectantly. "I'm not squishy am I?"

"If this is about your date with Kay-Kay, I think she meant something about your personality."

"How can a personality be squishy?"

"Don't ask me." Sora shrugged and adjusted their course. Flying was tricky with all the different layers of wind.

Coby continued to look worried, so Sora went on. "Girls think differently than we do- even violent tomboys like Kay-Kay. They see more colours than we do and seem to interpret emotions differently- although I've never been a girl so I can't be totally sure. Vivi calls me her bear even though I'm a dragon and I have no idea what she means by it."

"You don't act anything like a bear," Coby agreed.

"Exactly! And I don't know why Kay-Kay thinks you're squishy. They're clearly seeing something we're not. But as long as it doesn't cause problems, it's fine."

A few moments of silence followed. Then Coby started fretting again. He spoke up when Sora sighed in annoyance.

"Do you have any ideas for how not to get fried by Ace-san when he eventually finds out I'm dating his sister?"

"Keep Kay-Kay and Captain Luffy in the line of fire. He won't do anything fatal if he thinks he might hit them."

"So I can look forward to spending the rest of my life hiding behind my girlfriend. _Great_."

 **Llama**

None of the watchers bothered with the crow's nest once the balloon was safely up, leaving her undisturbed. Llama watched the stars and listened to the murmur of conversations below. The constellations were so different here- everything was different. She wasn't entirely sure if it was good or not, but she was willing to give it a try.

Sora said this was a totally different world than she'd been born to, which explained some things. Her fruit for example. She'd never even heard of fruits that granted people powers before she'd found hers in that misty place. But Ape's Concert had been a sort of nexus between worlds, hadn't it? There had been things from both sides there.

Playing absently with her powers, Llama wondered if she should tell people about her fruit. Probably. She couldn't swim anymore because of it, which could be dangerous. But at the same time she couldn't see the point. It wasn't like her fruit could do anything useful. It was just a party trick.

Llama grinned. Well, if she was stuck with a useless party trick for a fruit, she may as well have fun with it. She wondered what Sanji would look like with lime green hair.

 **A/N: So yeah, Thatch is alive. My explanation for this is that without Ace there, watch schedules and things on the Moby Dick are a bit different, so Marco was close enough to save Thatchy before Teach managed to kill him. Blackbeard still got away with the Yami-Yami no Mi though.**


	19. Lightning Round

**A/N: Welcome to the second SBS Question Corner! Only one question this chapter- Samoai wants to know which upcoming arcs all three writers are most looking forward to the most.**

 **Llama: All of them!**

 **Tetsik: Future arcs. Well. Story wise that's probably gonna be the reunion arc/FishMan Island arc. Anime/Manga wise is the Kaido arc.**

 **Bluejay: I agree with both. We have fun stuff planned for pretty much all the upcoming arcs, but the reunion arc will be something special. I'm also looking forward to our Marineford replacement and to Punk Hazard/Dressrosa. I** _ **really**_ **want to mess with Law.**

 **On a separate note, I'm curious as to what people think of the song Ace sings in this chapter. It's me modifying the English translation of his character song** _ **Living Fire**_ **to fit with the tune and the events of this story. Good? Bad? If you have an opinion about it, please tell me.**

 _Flames were everywhere, licking at my face. I couldn't find Sabo-nii, Nii-chan was exhausted, and Ace-nii was full of holes. A faceless man made of liquid fire rose over us, sword of molten lead poised to strike. Coby leapt in front of me at the last moment while our wounded crew mates tried desperately to drag my brothers away…_

I woke with a start, panting. No one was in the cabin with me. Of course. The panic from my dream seeped into my waking life. I knew Ace-nii had the predawn watch with Robin, but where were Sabo-nii and Nii-chan? The head? What were the odds both of them had to use it at once? Fear overcame my attempt at rational thought. I staggered out of the cabin and limped across the deck, not stopping until I felt Ace-nii's too warm arms around me. My oldest brother ran his fingers through my hair.

"Blue, what's wrong?"

"They're gone! I don't know where they are! What if someone got them?"

"You had a fire dream again huh?"

I nodded and hugged Ace tightly. He sighed.

"It's okay Blue, I know what it's like. But don't worry, they're fine. Lu's in the head and Sabo's raiding the Galley. Did you want me to sing for you?"

That was an offer more precious than gold. I nodded. Ace only ever sang one song, the one he'd written to help Luffy and I sleep when we'd first started having the nightmares. I think it helped him and Sabo too, but they'd never admit it.

 _The shadows of the clouds_

 _Flow by above my head_

 _O-oh_

 _Over the bright green meadows_

 _The mountains that we knew_

 _When we were young, I am_

 _Thinking about them right now_

 _Woa…_

 _You have to journey on_

 _Through the sky til the end_

 _The wind_

 _Whispers in your ears now_

 _The will that carries on_

 _Beyond all death and time_

 _I know_

 _Your heart will always tell you how_

 _No matter how it hurts_

 _As the times pass us by_

 _I will_

 _Move on and be at your side_

 _Even now, even now, the flames they burn so bright and strong_

 _To you now, to you now, these words I sing and pass along_

 _Woa…_

 _It looks like time apart_

 _Can't cool our raging blood_

 _It will_

 _Give strength to those that live on_

 _As we reach for the sky_

 _The bonds between us will_

 _Grow strong_

 _Even unbroken should we die_

 _From my heart, from my heart, this golden love I send to you_

 _I know now, I know now, that you can make our dreams come true_

 _Even now, even now, the flames they burn so bright and strong_

 _To you now, to you now, these words I sing and pass along_

 _I'll walk ahead on this road that we have known_

 _You're safe now_

 _Later we'll try again._

I fell asleep snuggled in my brother's arms, soothed by the familiar lullaby. Ace-nii had a good voice; it was a pity he didn't sing more.

 **xXx**

"Shitty Marimo!" I was woken by Sanji's shout. Our cook stormed on deck in search of our first mate- although he wasn't immediately recognizable. Something had turned Sanji's hair a blinding shade of green.

"I didn't do anything!" Zoro called from near the figurehead. "Ask Ace- I haven't been belowdecks since before he and Robin started their watch. You and Usopp were snoring so loudly I figured I may as well train, since I wasn't getting back to sleep."

"I don't snore shithead!"

"Do so! You were sawing logs like a lumberjack!"

"If you really think that, you need your ears checked! And don't change the subject! I know it was you- who else would dye my hair _green_?"

Sabo-nii arrived on deck at that moment. "I generally blame Ace and Blue for things like that." Blue eyes turned on us with an expression of noble's exasperation. "Speaking of which… I hope you're ready for some heavy-duty grovelling after what you did to Lu's hat. Although at least you put my coat back to normal."

Ace looked at me in confusion. "Did you touch the hat?"

"Nope. Sanji's hair neither- I would've shaved it."

My oldest brother burst out laughing. Sabo sighed and came over to hit us over the head. "Guys, this is serious. Lu's gonna flip."

"Why? What hap-?"

"How'd my hat turn purple?!" Nii-chan raced on deck with a shriek that woke any of our crew who were still asleep. Sure enough, his straw hat had become the same lurid purple as my cap and Llama's scarf. The ribbon gleamed gold.

Pressure filled the air. It was worse than any of the other times I'd felt my brothers' emotion punches- except maybe when Ace had knocked out Bluejam's men. I could barely breathe; several of our crew mates looked ill.

As quick as the pressure came it was gone. Luffy's hat turned back to normal before our eyes. As soon as he saw red and yellow again, Nii-chan calmed down. He stared at his hat in confusion. "Are you a cool mystery rainbow hat now?"

The hat didn't answer, so Luffy shrugged and put it on. A few seconds later Sanji's hair was blond again. No one paid any attention in the wake of Nii-chan's brief rage.

Soon after we floated through a dense layer of cloud. It was cold and wet- yuck. One or the other please, not both. The cloud layer deposited a film of ice over the _Merry_ ; Coby was kept busy for several minutes scraping off the balloon and lines while the rest of us tried to keep her level.

From above the cloud looked like an ocean of white. There appeared to be an island of sorts in the distance, but it wasn't the one we were looking for. Our log pose was still pointing up. Coby and I amused ourselves by throwing ice flakes into the clouds; they floated like they were on water.

"Weird," Usopp muttered.

"Impossible," Nami breathed.

"Cool!" Luffy and Chopper exclaimed.

"I feel like I might throw up," Ghin groaned. Chopper immediately stopped admiring the White Sea to get something for our tattoo artist's air sickness. The little doctor also handed Ace a pill.

"Take this- I _think_ I've fixed it. The last thing we need is you having a fit while we explore skylands. Even you wouldn't survive the fall."

"Thanks." Ace swallowed the medication dry. Sora paled; Sabo-nii placed a hand on my cousin's shoulder.

"Remember, you're the only one who can fly on your own so you get to babysit him in case it doesn't work."

Sora cycled through a set of amusing, panicked faces, waving his hands uselessly. He almost looked like he wanted to cry. But Sabo-nii was right- Sora was the best equipped to look after a narcoleptic while we were however many thousands of meters up.

"Should we check out that little island over there?" Nami asked Luffy, "Or do you want to just keep following the log pose?"

My brother picked his nose. "Nah, that one's small and my D senses aren't tingling. Keep heading up!"

"Aye-aye captain!"

About an hour later we passed through another layer of unnaturally dense cloud. Once again Coby scampered about cleaning ice off the _Merry_ as we rose above a sea of white. Our log pose now ceased to point up, instead directing us off to port. Usopp lowered power to the balloon's heater as we turned. The _Merry_ stopped rising, ghosting along above the clouds.

"Should we try to set down?" Coby asked dubiously. "The ice floats."

"Not yet," was Nii-chan's answer.

"Why not?"

"Flying's cooler."

As usual, there was no arguing with Luffy logic. The _Merry_ continued to fly proudly on. After a few minutes we saw something approaching us rapidly across the clouds. It looked like- a man on skates?

He got quite close before anyone called an alarm. None of us noticed the bazooka until the skating man was about to fire. Llama and Ace jumped up on the rails, targeting the burning warhead wit explosive marbles and a Hiken. The resultant silvery blast filled the air with steam, flames, and dust. By the time it cleared our attacker was gone. No one was hurt and the _Merry_ , though shaken, didn't seem to have sustained any major damage. We continued on.

A little while later I noticed Sora surreptitiously stealing Ace's knives. I didn't blame him; while Ace-nii was keeping up a decent façade of sobriety, my oldest brother kept shooting the anchor paranoid looks.

Flap, flap, flap, thud. A pink-spotted pegasus careened into the _Merry_ 's mast and landed on our deck. It carried an old man who was wearing full plate armour. I examined the pegasus with interest. Was it a bird that ate a horse fruit, or a horse that ate a bird fruit? I couldn't tell.

"Was this vessel the source of the explosion earlier?" the armoured man asked loudly. Llama nodded eagerly, proud of her work, though she still hid behind the mast. The old man smiled in acknowledgement.

"I apologize- the situation between the Shandorans and the Skypeians is tense to say the least. It's unfortunate that they would lash out at a foreign vessel in the hopes of harming each other…"

The armoured man looked around at our crew. "I take it you came via the Knock-Up Stream? Not many do; it's an all-or-nothing venture where the entire crew is likely to perish. I commend your luck in surviving."

Usopp and Ghin paled; Luffy laughed. I looked pointedly up at the balloon that held the _Merry_ aloft. The old man followed my gaze.

"Oh. I've never seen one of those before. Do all Blue Sea craft have such a function these days?"

"Just this one." I grinned. "We made that ourselves; don't know that anyone else would've thought of it."

"I see." The old man pulled a whistle from within his armour. "My name is Gan Fall, knight of the sky. Blue Sea dwellers often have difficulty adjusting to these altitudes and find they're unable to defend themselves, so if-!"

"Actually," Zoro interrupted, "It's taken us hours to get here. I think I've had time to adjust just fine."

Everyone nodded- even Kaya. Our nurse had come a long way from the sickly shut-in of Syrup Village. Gan Fall shot us incredulous looks. "But that's impossible! Do you know how high we are? How much thinner the air is up here?"

"Thursday," Coby snickered. Nami grew shark teeth and hit him over the head. Gan Fall sweatdropped.

"Actually, it's Wednesday."

I waved my hand. "Inside joke. Nami, don't hit my boyfriend! I'm the only one allowed to do that!"

The world froze. Everyone- even Gan Fall and his pegasus- turned to look at Ace-nii. Forget steam- flames leapt from my brother's ears. " _Boyfriend_?"

Sora groaned. "And now I wish he _was_ totally high and out of it."

Coby squeaked and hid behind me as Ace lunged for him. "Please don't kill me! We haven't even kissed yet!"

Gan Fall mounted his pegasus. "I think we'll be going now," the knight said hastily, "Since you seem to have everything under control. Farewell!" He dropped his whistle in his hurry to get out of Ace's firing range.

I glared at Ace-nii, tapping my cast to remind him of my broken leg so he wouldn't just push past. "No. You can't fry Coby."

Ace pouted. "Just a little?"

"No."

"How about castrate?"

"No!" I placed a comforting hand on Coby's shoulder as he paled. "Ace-nii, I promise we won't do anything like _that_ for a few years, but I still want him to be a man when we _do_!"

"Pulverize?"

"Nope."

"Traumatize?"

"I think you're already doing that." Coby squeaked in confirmation of my words. I sighed. "Ace-nii, let me rephrase myself. You will not cause lasting damage to Coby in any way. You will continue to treat him the same as any other member of this crew. If you do not abide by these rules I swear by Criwe and the Holy Log of Shinobi that I will find a way to make your life a living Hell."

Ace deflated, nodding and backing off. He did send a conspiratorial look at a nearby barrel, but I wasn't worried about the two of them plotting together. Bon-chan edged over to Sabo-nii to whisper. "Who or what are Criwe and the Holy Log?"

"Criwe's an old East Blue god of fire, law, and mischief; the Holy Log of Shinobi is a deity of growth, stealth, and protection."

"I see. A wonderfully quirky pair."

 **SORA**

The zoan user breathed a sigh of relief as the _Merry_ approached what appeared to be land. Not that Ace had tried to jump off the ship or anything, but still… Sora kept an eye on the firecracker and twitched every time he moved, expecting either drug-induced insanity or an assassination attempt on Coby. Possibly both.

So far the only thing Ace had done was have an animated conversation with a barrel. This seemed to involve a lot of hugging, apologizing, and ranting about how much Ace resented his birth father. There was also something about whether Ace was the ace of hearts or the ace of spades that the zoan user didn't understand. Sora wondered what the firecracker was hallucinating. His mother maybe?

Whoever the barrel was, the conversation was absorbing enough that Ace and Sora were the last to make landfall. By the time they stepped off the ship Luffy had already found some sort of green pumpkin thing, which he had thrown at Usopp when it proved too hard to bite into. Ace giggled.

"Oh no you don't." Sora grabbed Ace by the back of his shorts when the firecracker moved to gather some pumpkins of his own. Of course, Ace was much stronger than Sora, so the zoan user only succeeded in slowing him down a bit.

The first pumpkin Ace threw was also his last. It had been aimed at Sanji, but the cook moved at the last moment to engage Zoro in a brawl. Sora wasn't paying attention, although he thought he'd heard the first mate say something comparing the chef's cooking to the rock-hard pumpkins. Instead of Sanji it was Bluejay who was hit by the pumpkin. It knocked her over; Coby helped her up. The next thing Sora knew Ace had built himself a corner of shame out of his remaining pumpkins and was crouching in it.

"Bad Acey. Not supposed to hurt Blue. What if she hates us and runs away with the little pink one? We'd deserve it Precious. Only _monsters_ hurt their baby sisters. Are we a nasty monster like the townspeople used to say?"

"Um… No?" Sora cautiously approached and patted Ace on the shoulder. "You're not a monster Ace. It was an accident."

"Really?" Grey eyes stared up at the zoan user, full of hope.

"Of course. I don't think there's anything you could do that would make Kay-Kay stop loving you."

"Yay!" Ace tackle-hugged Sora in a very Luffy-like display of affection. The zoan user fell backwards under the assault, his wind momentarily knocked out of him.

Sitting on Sora's chest, Ace stared out at the White Sea. "It's not made of water," he said slowly. "Maybe I can swim in it! I haven't been able to go for a swim in ages!"

"No! Wait!" Sora tried and failed to stop Ace from running for the surf. "Clouds _are_ made of-!"

Splash! It was too late. Ace yelped as he sank into the dense cloud. Sighing, Sora snapped his wings and tail out and launched himself over the waves, grabbing Ace's hand right before it disappeared. The zoan user hauled a soaked, panting firecracker ashore.

"You idiot! Clouds _are_ made of water, plus there's no bottom. What the Hell where you thinking?"

"I wasn't," Ace replied cheerfully. He then ran off to hug Bluejay and apologize for hitting her with a pumpkin. Sora groaned.

Although… The zoan user supposed he wasn't as badly off as Ghin. Llama had just blown up one of the pumpkins in the older pirate's face for reasons that probably made sense only to her. The tattoo artist responded by breaking down spectacularly.

 **LLAMA**

Well, there was nothing inside the green pumpkin things- although the juice that sprayed everywhere was very sweet. Llama added the fruit to her list before she noticed that Ghin was right beside her. His face was covered in soot and pumpkin bits. Oops.

The small girl watched in fascination as the man fell to his knees. Ghin gripped his hair in both hands as he started crying, laughing, and shaking in the sand. Llama edged away.

"What's wrong with him?" Luffy asked, bounding over. Llama shrugged.

"Don't know."

Her captain seemed to take that as meaning he should find out. Luffy began to poke the older man. "Ghin… Ghin, you okay?"

It took several minutes for the tonfa wielder to gasp out an answer. "No, no I'm _not_ fucking okay! Do you know how crazy this is? I just disembarked from a _flying ship_ to an island in the _sky_! My captain's a kid made of rubber and my crew mate include a kid made of fire, a dragon, a velociraptor, a talking reindeer, and a bunch of the most bloodthirsty girls I've ever met. And I just got hit by an _exploding pumpkin_!"

Luffy looked at Llama sadly. "I think you broke him."

"Sorry." Llama cringed. She hadn't meant to set Ghin off. All she'd wanted was to know what was in the rock-hard green pumpkins. She'd been too focused to even notice that someone was standing beside her.

"Nah, it's okay. Nami says we need a therapist anyway- that's like a mind doctor right? They can fix Ghin."

There was only one problem with that Llama could see. She wasn't sure about this world, but where she had come from there weren't many pirate therapists. Although this world was currently undergoing a golden age of piracy like hers hadn't seen for hundreds of years, so she supposed they might find one. Although…

"Why?"

"Huh?" Luffy paused in the middle of picking his nose.

"Why does Nami think we need a therapist?"

"Dunno. We've got by without one fine til now." Luffy pouted at Ghin's hysterical form. "It's too bad. I thought Ghin wasn't afraid of the Grand Line anymore."

Personally, Llama didn't think that was the problem. Everything Ghin had listed had more to do with this particular crew than with this sea as a whole. She wasn't sure how to break this to her captain though.

 **BLUEJAY**

It was official- I hated this broken leg thing. I felt so useless, leaning on a crutch or Coby's shoulder just to walk. What if we had to fight on this island? I would just be a liability, and we already had Ace-nii's medication and Ghin's mental breakdown to deal with.

There was a town visible a ways down the beach. I began to limp towards it, determined to explore. Coby hovered over me worriedly. Whether this was concern for me or for avoiding Ace-nii I couldn't tell. Probably both.

A skiff of some sort bounced in the white waves, powered by a device I couldn't see. It turned and approached us. As the craft drew nearer its pilot came into focus- a pale blonde girl with small, feathery wings. My heart skipped a beat. An angel- a real live angel. The stories Sabo used to tell me were true.

The angel ran up to Coby and I as her craft met the shore. "Hesso! Are you two alright? What happened to your leg? Oh…" She paused as she looked at us. "You're Blue Sea dwellers? How did you get here- the gatekeeper didn't mention anyone coming through."

"We flew." I leaned on Coby and cleaned some cloud off my glasses. The angel gasped.

"Just the two of you? Isn't this a long way to come for a date?"

Coby turned bright pink; I shook my head. "We're not alone." I gestured over my shoulder to the other members of our crew. "My brothers and our friends are just over there."

I can only imagine what the angel thought upon seeing the Straw Hats for the first time. Ghin was having a mental breakdown; Luffy and Llama were poking at him. A harried Sora lectured a soaked, giggling Ace. Bon-chan danced with Chopper while Kaya rubbed ointment on Usopp's bruised nose. Zoro and Sanji were still fighting- normally Nami would've stopped them by now, but she was busy yelling at Sabo for stealing chocolate from the galley. In the middle of all this stood Robin, calm and collected, reading a heavy history book while Captain Snappy butted her legs looking for attention.

"Is- is that normal?"

"Mostly." I shrugged. "Ghin's thing is new though."

"The hysterical one? He looks like he needs help." The angel squared her shoulders. "Would you like me to talk to him?"

"What good would that do?" I scratched idly at a pimple on my cheek. It burst with a satisfying pop.

"I'm a psychology student at the local university. I might be able to tell you how to help- Ghin, was it?"

"You're a therapist?" I perked up. "Nami says we need one of those!"

"Well, it'll be some time before I'd go that far…" The angel blushed and looked away.

I was about to call out for Nii-chan so he could start the recruitment process when another voice rang out over the beach. "Conis! Is everything alright dear?"

"Everything's fine Daddy. I was just talking to these Blue Sea dwellers."

"Blue Sea dwellers? Hesso." An older male angel joined us. He was balding and had a fluffy, dark brown beard that reminded me of puffball mushrooms. "But the gatekeeper didn't announce any visitors."

"Apparently they flew all the way here under their own power." Conis gestured towards our crew's antics. "They need some serious help Daddy, especially the one named Ghin."

"The older fellow being poked by Scarf and Straw Hat?"

"I think so."

Conis' father turned to Coby and I and bowed. "Welcome to Skypeia. If you'd like, your crew can come to our house and we'll try to help your… Ghin."

"Thanks." Rather than bowing, which would've been hard with my leg, I flashed a marine-style salute. Coby did the same.

It took a while to round up our crew and make our way to Conis' house. Sabo-nii ended up carrying Ghin piggyback- the older man was trembling too much to safely walk on his own. We left the _Merry_ hovering at neutral buoyancy, tied to a tree.

Conis' house was surprisingly large for just having two occupants. You could've fit the whole of Dadan's cabin in the living room. We Straw Hats made ourselves at home on various pieces of furniture or each other's laps while Conis made tea. Rather than a stove or fire she heated the water with an odd looking shell. Usopp's eyes lit up with curiousity.

"Hey Bluejay, isn't that like the ones you brought up from the wreck? What are they?"

"No idea. I thought they were normal shells."

"That's a heat dial," Conis' father explained. "It stores and releases heat. There are dials that react similarly with all kinds of things- sound, scents, kinetic energy… You say you found some in a shipwreck?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. They sure look the same."

The old man hummed. "I wonder if any are still functional… They're quite rare on the Blue Sea you know. It's been a long time since we exported any."

"No clue." Well, I knew what Usopp and I were doing once we had some free time. Maybe Llama would join us; she seemed to like experimenting. Although we probably shouldn't let Ghin know of such a joint venture.

Conis returned and passed out cups of tea. It smelled familiar and soothing- chamomile maybe? Once everyone had a mug the angel sat next to Ghin. "Hello- Ghin, was it? My name is Conis. Would you mind telling me what seems to be the problem? I'd like to help if I can."

Watery eyes blinked silently at the angel for a few minutes. Then Ghin spilled everything in a rush- everything he'd seen or done since joining us. Kids made of rubber and fire, or who carried swords in their mouths, or whose staves could alter the weather. Experienced pirates and marines destroyed by a crew whose strongest members were little more than children. Ships that jetted along the water or flew through the sky faster than anything. Fishmen. A goldfish large enough to eat a small island. Cursed swords and exploding pumpkins. Dinosaurs. A talking reindeer doctor. Islands in the sky and a river that flowed up a mountain.

"The worst part," Ghin groaned, "Is that I'm terrified of heights and we _just. Keep. Flying_."

"You could've told us so," Nii-chan pointed out with a pout. Our tattoo artist glared at him.

"Would you have listened?"

"Maybe."

Placing her teacup on an end table, Conis shot Ghin a sympathetic look. "If serving on this crew is so difficult, why not leave? They don't seem the sort to have hard feelings over it- not if what you said about the princess is anything to go by."

"Special circumstances," Zoro muttered. I don't think anyone heard him but me.

"You don't understand." Ghin downed his tea in one gulp, as if it were a mug of ale. "I _like_ the kids. They were the first ones in a long time to show me any real kindness- saving me from those marines, buying me food. They may be weird, crazy, and dangerous but I can't just abandon them. Not when the Don's proved himself so much better than any other captain I've seen."

"I see." Conis looked around at the rest of us. "And the rest of you have experienced some or all of the things Ghin describes, if not more?"

We nodded in unison. The angel frowned. "How are you all not quivering balls of PTSD?"

"What's that?" Luffy asked. "Can we eat it?"

"No Lu." Sabo-nii shook his head. "It stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. What Conis means is that she's surprised our whole crew doesn't have issues like Ghin- or like the nightmares the four of us have about fire."

"Oh. I guess cause we're used to it?"

Conis shot my brother a confused look. I decided to clarify things for her. "Who here has suffered discrimination, abuse, and/or the death of one or more loved ones long before joining our crew that has mostly inured them against the negative effects of our collective crazy? Raise your hand."

My brothers. Coby. Zoro. Nami. Usopp. Kaya. Sanji. Chopper. Robin. Bon-chan. Sora and Llama looked at each other. "Does having your baby cousin disappear for ten years and travelling between worlds count?"

"Sure."

"Then yes for both of us."

"That's not exactly how this works." Conis rubbed her temples. "Previous trauma isn't like a vaccine- it usually compounds the problem rather than mitigating it."

I shrugged. "Maybe even agony and insanity become monotonous if you experience them consistently enough?"

Conis sighed. "Sure. I doubt it, but let's go with that. Regardless, what you need now is a way to ground Ghin and keep him functional until someone better trained than me can work him through his issues. I really have no idea what to do with him."

Nii-chan's eyes sparkled as he grinned. It was a look that said he had an idea that was either so dumb it was brilliant, or so brilliant it was dumb. The first time I'd seen it had been when I was five and Luffy told me I should get the tigress who'd stolen me the year before a Mother's Day gift. "Wait here! I'll be right back!"

Luffy took off like a bullet. We couldn't see where he went- Conis' window only had a limited view. Given that he returned with a mason jar full of soil though, it was likely that he'd run to the _Merry_. My brother shoved the jar into Ghin's hand. "Here! Hug this!"

"Huh?" Poor Ghin stared at the jar in confusion. Nii-chan beamed and bounced.

"Conis says we need to ground Ghin cause he's afraid of heights, right? So if Ghin brings ground with him he doesn't have to be afraid anymore!"

"It's… a jar… of dirt…" Ghin continued to stare.

"Yep! From one of Nami's mikan trees. So you don't just always have ground with you- you have nakama too!"

Our navigator proceeded to grow shark teeth and wallop my brother on the head. I winced; Luffy should've known better than to touch the orchard without permission. Still staring at his jar, Ghin began to laugh.

" _This_ is why I can't leave them," the tattoo artist giggled, pressing the jar of dirt to his forehead. I just want it noted that Ghin giggling was one of the weirdest sounds I've ever heard and should not be repeated, for everyone's sanity. "They may drag me through Hell and back, but these kids _care_ \- about me, about each other. The Don shows it in stupid ways, but he'd never let any of us down." Ghin grinned. "Ah, I've been fucking kidding myself. I may not have a bounty yet, but marines back home used to call me Krieg's Devil Man. Where do I belong but Hell?"

"So you don't need the jar of dirt?" Nami held out a hand. Ghin hugged the odd talisman close.

"I never said that."

 **xXx**

When we left Conis' house a few hours later we had a much better understanding of fear, trauma, and phobias. Apparently those were topics that she- as a psychology student- felt every adventurer needed a good handle on. The lecture had actually been more daunting than many opponents we'd faced. Conis had also tried to get my brothers and I to open up about our fire and separation issues, but we brushed her off. As much as it bothered the crew on the rare occasions one of us woke up screaming, we were functional. What we weren't was comfortable discussing our situation with just anybody.

Upon exiting the building we were surrounded by angels wearing ugly military uniforms and white berets. They performed an odd salute that resembled rabbit ears while their leader stepped up to speak with us. His insignia was different than what the marines used, so I couldn't figure out his rank.

"Hesso!"

"…Hi." Our crew stared at the White Berets in confusion. The leader (let's call him a captain) cleared his throat.

"Straw Hat Pirates, you are under arrest for the crime of illegal entry into Skypeia. The fine for your actions is-!"

Wham! He never got to finish. Nami walloped the White Beret captain with her clima-tact, knocking him out cold. His companions yelled in protest and prepared to fight. Our navigator glared.

"No one takes our money! Do you know how hard it is to feed these bottomless pits as-is? We can't afford your stupid fines!"

One of the soldiers shot at Nami; Luffy intercepted the bullet. Brown eyes glowered from under golden straw as Nii-chan cracked his knuckles. Ace-nii giggled and hugged Sabo-nii from behind.

"Uh-oh, Lu's mad."

"Of course he is. Now get off; I think we're about to fight."

"Yay!" Ace did a staggering happy dance, groping for knives that were still in Sora's possession.

"Don't shoot at my crew!" Nii-chan growled. Then he looked at me. "Blue, no fighting with a broken leg."

"Pfft, I'll be fine." I stuck my tongue out. Instead of strapping on my nekode, I grabbed the hilt of my tanto. Just in time too; the White Berets were charging us.

"Gomu-Gomu no Pistol!"

"Higan!"

"Steel Wings!"

"Sea Stars!"

"Oni Giri!"

"Thunder Tempo!"

"Fire Star!"

As usual, Kaya's venomous attacks were named in a whisper. "Ghost Step."

"Concassé!"

"Braids of Rapunzel!"

"Heavy Gong!"

Wham! If Sora's mallet technique had a name, I never heard it. By the result, I'd suggest calling it Knee Crusher.

"Dos Fleur: Clutch!"

"Swan Arabesque!"

Boom! Something blue exploded in Llama's direction, sending a column of rubble into the air. It rained down around me as I picked my targets. This would be my first time using my blade in battle.

"Ippon Tora Ryu: Battoujutsu!" As I drew my tanto and slashed across, I wondered why Zoro insisted that sword techniques be named in Nihongo. Aside from a few words from Sabo-nii's stories, I didn't know the language. For all I knew either Zoro or I could be using a technique called Demonic Rice Balls or Tiger Sushi.

The White Berets were down. Various weapons were put away as we Straw Hats relaxed. Well, most of us did. Chopper, still in heavy point, stomped over to me and picked me up by the back of my tunic.

"You shouldn't be fighting! What if you'd done something that made your leg worse? What if it got so bad I couldn't fix it?"

"…Oops?" I offered tentatively. The reindeer sighed and put me down. Luffy walked over and rapped me on the head.

"No more fighting until your leg's better- captain's orders!"

"But Nii-chan!"

"If you end up crippled we'll have to leave you with _Merry_ on every island!" Luffy threatened with much waving of arms. "Bored! Alone!"

"Fine."

Sanji lit a cigarette. "What I wanna know is how they knew where to find us. No one saw us get here and we hadn't caused any trouble yet."

As one our crew turned to face Conis. The angel had tears in her eyes as she bowed her head. "I- I called them while I was making tea. I'm so sorry… You have to understand, if God didn't already know you were here, he would soon. If I hadn't reported you my father and I would've been killed. We still might be."

"God?" Nii-chan picked his nose.

"Yes, God Enel."

I looked at Sabo-nii. "Enel? I don't remember any gods named Enel."

"Me neither."

Conis stared at us with terrified eyes. "But Enel _is_ a god! He hears everything, his skin glows like a small star, and he can strike the wicked with lightning from across the island!"

Sabo waved a hand dismissively. "The god of lightning and justice is Thor, not Enel. Unless your so-called god rides around in a chariot pulled by a pair of immortal goats, he's not the real thing. My bet is he's a logia Devil Fruit user who's taken over your island for his own gain."

Horrified by what she apparently considered blasphemy, Conis stepped away from Sabo. Ozone crackled in the air. My brother's eyes widened. Sabo tossed his pipe up in the air at the last moment; lightning hit the spinning steel and dissipated rather than frying him. Blue eyes flashed.

"I think we should go have a talk with this Enel. Where might we find him?"

"God and his priests live in a temple in the Holy Land." Trembling, Conis drew us a map. "But no one else is permitted to set foot there. Please, for your own sake, just sail away and don't challenge God."

Nami's eyes narrowed. "That almost sounds… Are you trying to use reverse psychology on us? Why?"

Conis buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry! It's true no one is supposed to go to the Holy Land- no one except criminals being punished by God and his priests. We're supposed to send you there if we get the chance. Truly though, I would prefer if you just sailed away. It's already too late for me- I shouldn't have told you any of this."

Ghin sighed and pressed his jar of dirt to his forehead. "It doesn't matter what you say, they've already made up their minds. They've decided that they _like_ you and are _worried_ about you- anyone who's met us on any island knows what comes next."

"Welcome to the crazy!" Ace-nii supplied. "We've got cookies! Or Sanji does anyway. I'm not allowed cause I burn them all and eat everything. But Lu's worse!" My eldest brother pouted. Sora patted him in an awkwardly comforting manner.

"I'd rather not fight anyone who can control lightning," Usopp whispered, "God, Devil Fruit, or otherwise. But if we don't do something soon we won't have a choice."

"Huh? Why?" Coby and Luffy's voices made a cool echo.

"There's a giant shrimp trying to steal our ship!"

And so there was. If the _Merry_ had been bobbing in the clouds like a normal boat she'd have been gone already. As things stood, the shrimp had climbed ashore and was in the process of snagging the lines that held our flying ship to her tree. Luffy roared.

"You give _Merry_ back you bastard!"

Nii-chan was off like a shot, Coby right beside him. Despite their speed it was Usopp and Llama who struck first. Benefits of ranged weapons I guess.

"Pepper Star!"

"Nova!"

The shrimp shuddered and clicked, unable to see or breathe with its face full of pepper. A red explosion mangled two of its legs, preventing it from fleeing. Seconds later two kicks rained down on the shrimp's back.

"Gomu-Gomu no Axe!"

"Falling Star!"

Yeah… That shrimp wasn't getting up any time soon. I turned back to Conis. "Does the shrimp belong to this Enel person by any chance?"

"Yes. I called it too."

"Then we really need to pay him a visit." I grinned darkly. Around me I could see and feel my crew mates doing the same. " _Nobody_ steals our ship."

 **SORA**

Tired but restless, Sora was unable to sleep. The _Merry_ ghosted through the night, hovering above a cloudy river as they made their way into the Holy Land. Nami and Bluejay were on watch; Usopp was with them, searching for any sign of Enel or his priests. Normally at a time like this Sora would've been asleep in the men's cabin. That night though- that night babysitting a drugged-up Ace had left the zoan user jumpy.

He wasn't even technically off-duty yet. The firecracker was lying over a barrel as he had a loud, one-sided debate with the mast- which had apparently morphed into a grandfather who wanted the Monkey D siblings to become marines. Sora rubbed his temples as the shouting escalated. Unable to take anymore, the zoan user partially transformed with a hiss.

"Just shut up and _go to sleep!_ "

It turned into a draconic roar at the end due to altered vocal chords. A shimmering blue-grey mist poured from Sora's mouth and swirled around Ace before vanishing. The zoan user clamped his jaws shut; the logia dropped like a stone.

"Crap! Ace!" Sora ran over to the older boy and shook him by the shoulder. Ace answered by snoring and twitching.

"Okay, you're only asleep. Excellent." Sora felt a wave of relief. "I'll just put you to bed and try and figure out what on Earth I just did."

Ace was heavier than he looked, especially when he was being a dead weight. Sora had to transform his limbs for a bit of extra lifting power. Carrying Ace over his shoulder, the zoan user wondered how the three brothers- Ace, Sabo, and Luffy- had all ended up with scars around their left eyes. No one on the crew seemed to know. Sora wasn't even sure if the trio had been injured in the same event, although with three such disparate wounds- a knife, a burn, and claws- he suspected not.

The firecracker started to slip from Sora's shoulder. A clawed hand automatically came up to steady him, scales brushing against Ace's Jolly Roger tattoo. And suddenly the world swirled rainbow.

 _When Sora regained his balance he was standing in a jungle. Around him were huge trees, larger than any he'd ever seen. It didn't look like the Holy Land the_ Merry _had been passing over, so he hadn't fallen off the ship. The zoan user groaned, wondering what sort of mess his apparently malfunctioning powers had gotten him into._

 _A pipe poking him in the leg brought him out of his thoughts. Sora looked down to see two very familiar faces- although much younger than he was used to. Brown eyes peered curiously from under a too-large straw hat while grey ones glared behind shaggy blonde bangs. Tiny Bluejay clung to tiny Luffy like a lifeline and the rubber boy returned her hold. A voice Sora usually heard bellowing orders called out childishly._

 _"Sabo! Ace! There's a weird lizard-man over here!"_

 _"Why d'you always call Sabo first?" a miniature Ace asked irritably as the elder brothers appeared. Sora noted with interest that all three boys already had their facial scars._

 _"Cause Sabo's nicer. Ace is a meanie-pants!"_

 _"I am not!" About to hit Luffy upside the head, Ace saw Sora and froze. "Huh? What're you doing here?"_

 _"You know this man Ace?" Sabo asked warily._

 _"Yeah, he's Sora- Blue's cousin." Miniature Ace frowned. "But we met Sora on Drum… I'm dreaming, aren't I?"_

 _Sora shrugged. "I guess? No idea how I got here though."_

 _"Wait… Real Sora? You're not part of the dream?"_

 _"I don't think so…" Sora could see a lot of potential in this dream-entering thing if he could figure out how it had happened and how to control it. How to leave would be nice too. A kick to his shin brought him out of his musings. Looking down, Sora was met with the adorable anger of his tiny dream-captain._

 _"You can't take Blue away! She's_ my _baby sister!"_

 _"Of course I won't." Sora reached down to ruffle Luffy's hair- although Bluejay looked like she was about to bite him when he nudged the straw hat out of the way. "I joined your crew when we met- real you is a pretty good captain."_

 _Dream-Luffy beamed; Ace smirked proudly. Sora looked at the firecracker. "You dream about this often?"_

 _"Often enough. These three mean everything to me."_

 _"Aw, I didn't know you cared." Dream-Sabo made a sappy, teasing face. Ace glared._

 _"If I didn't, I wouldn't put up with your feet on my head in the morning. Take a bath Sabo; your feet stink!"_

 _"Hey, at least I don't smell like burnt rubber and gator guts like Lu._ He _needs a bath."_

 _Both boys looked expectantly at dream-Bluejay. She stuck her tongue out. "Ace-nii, Sabo-nii, and Nii-chan_ all _need baths! Why'm I the only one who has to have one every day?"_

 _"Because you're a lady and ladies don't smell," Sabo instructed. Bluejay growled._

 _"I'm_ not _a lady!" Jumping at Sabo, she tried to bite him but was hit over the head instead. The small noble forcibly cuddled his squirming sister._

 _"So…" Sora looked at Ace. Not that watching a four-year-old trying and failing to dismember her older brother wasn't fun, but he had his priorities. "Any idea how I get out of your dream?"_

 _"Nope. I barely understand my powers and Lu's; don't have a clue how yours work." Ace rubbed his nose thoughtfully. "Maybe if I wake up?"_

 _"Please don't. The last thing I need is to be trapped in your head for however long it takes to figure this out if you're wrong."_

 _Dream-Sabo nodded sagely. "That's true. He wouldn't like spending much time in our nightmares."_

 _On the word nightmares the scene changed. The siblings were older now, the ages Sora was familiar with. Ace was chained to a pole, unable to move or help as fire leapt up around the other three. Men with guns and kairoseki swords moved through the flames with impunity. Sabo was the first to fall, cut down by gunfire as he tried to protect Bluejay. His efforts were in vain; Sora's cousin died seconds later as she was ripping the shooter apart. It was only Luffy now, poor exhausted Luffy, and still Ace could do nothing…_

 _"Stop!" Sora covered his eyes as a shadowy man loomed over his captain. He couldn't take it anymore. This time his roar didn't produce the blue-grey mist; instead it sent out a ripple of shockwaves, pushing the gory scene away._

Gasping, Sora found himself lying on his side on warm wood. Ace was draped over him. The firecracker panted and twitched, grey eyes flicking around in search of threats. Once both boys were sure they were safe on the _Merry_ , they sat up.

"Don't tell anyone," Ace ordered, looking away. Sora opened his mouth to protest but was silenced by the raising of a freckled hand.

"Sabo, Lu, and Blue already know- they have the same sort of nightmares. No one else… We're not comfortable talking about this outside the family yet. The crew doesn't need to know what we go through when we sleep alone."

"Alright." Sora wiped cold sweat off his forehead. "Geez, that was terrifying. No wonder you guys always pile up together."

Ace nodded. "It's the only way we can convince ourselves that the others are safe."

 **LLAMA**

By dawn the _Merry_ was tied over the only place there was room for it- a ruined pyramid in an old lake. They would have to search for this Enel person on foot. Llama looked forward to meeting him; she wanted to know what her explosives would do when mixed with lightning and Nami refused to help. Sabo seemed to think this Enel was made of lightning in the same way Ace was made of fire, so Llama would have some fun with him.

Of course there was the little issue of who would be left to guard the ship. Bluejay was obvious what with her leg, and Sanji's arm still seemed to be bothering him from some mishap before Llama joined the crew. The tiny demolitions expert wondered if the wounded pair would be okay on their own, but they'd managed to convince Luffy and Chopper, so who was she to judge?

Everyone else set out in pairs- or a trio in the case of Chopper, Zoro, and Captain Snappy. Llama found herself partnered with Usopp, who had managed to say something that offended Kaya somehow. The nurse went with Bon-chan instead. She wasn't exactly the best at reading people, but Llama sensed something going on behind the look Kaya shot at the sniper.

Llama giggled softly at everyone's antics as they disembarked. She particularly enjoyed the ever-stoic Zoro breaking out a Tarzan yell as he swung on a vine to the shore. Usopp's attempt to imitate the swordsman ended up as a shrill scream followed by slamming into a tree- more George of the Jungle that Tarzan.

Things swam in the cloudy lake below. Llama eyed them warily as she swung across after Usopp. Her caution was warranted- when she was halfway across, a great serpent rose from the cloud and tried to swallow her. She lit the fuse on a Blue Burst and tossed it into the snake's mouth, curling into a ball as she released her vine. The resultant explosion sent Llama tumbling to the shore and the serpent slithering off into the jungle with a mangled jaw. Llama glared after it.

"Bad snake. I'm not for eating."

Beside her, Usopp gulped. "Why are all the girls on this crew so scary?" Llama ignored him in favour of adding "giant blue snake with strange fluffs" to her list.

The pair wandered through the dense jungle, following a small stream in the hopes it would lead them to Enel's temple. Even lightning people needed drinking water after all. They had been looking for about half an hour when they started to see white spheres of various sizes floating among the undergrowth. Llama motioned for Usopp to stop walking.

"What are they?" the sniper asked. The demolitions expert shook her head.

"Don't know. Let's find out."

"How?"

Llama held up a handful of the tiny bombs she called Sparklers. "These should work. Fire one at each sphere; if they're solid, they'll explode and show us what's inside."

Usopp did as he was instructed. Most of the orbs immediately set off the Sparklers, sending everything from confetti to daggers flying through the air. The spheres themselves were dense cloud and didn't set off the explosives if they were empty.

An unfamiliar voice called from the trees, making Usopp jump. "Sensei, I thought your Mantra told you what criminals were about to do."

"It told me they would shoot things at my orbs, not that the projectiles were explosives."

There! Llama finally located the voices- a portly angel and his lanky sidekick, both dressed in strange outfits. The portly one had an odd staff with shells embedded in it while the lanky one had some sort of gun. Slipping a Blue Burst into her hand, Llama lobbed it at the pair. They dodged when it had barely left her hand.

"These must be some of the illegal immigrants we were sent to judge Sensei!"

"Then let us do so. I'm sure we can kill them and find the others before our incompetent peers even leave the temple." The portly angel swung his staff, creating more trap-filled orbs of cloud. "Prepare to face the Ordeal of Balls Blue Sea dwellers!"

Llama giggled. "You said balls."

Whatever the name though, the Ordeal was no laughing matter. The cloud orbs moved swiftly under their creator's direction. It was all Llama could do to keep from touching one; she soon lost sight of Usopp as she dodged desperately. One particularly large cloud burst next to Llama's head in a shower of beer. She wished there was a way to tell the more-or-less harmless spheres from the deadly ones. Too bad her nose was useless with so many around. Oh well, at least they'd discovered beforehand that the orbs were trapped so she knew to get away.

"Bottle Rocket!" A jet of water shot out of the trees like a bullet. It had enough force to pierce a hole in the fluttering end of Llama's scarf. The tiny girl absently noted that the lanky priest's gun was especially dangerous to Devil Fruit users.

Leaping out of the way of one sphere, Llama suddenly found herself in the path of another. A brief glimpse of Usopp told her the same thing had happened to him. The portly priest laughed.

"You fools! With my Mantra I can sense which way you'll go! I've been playing with you this whole time!"

"Surrender now," his lanky apprentice advised.

Well, that wouldn't do. Llama hadn't been a Straw Hat very long, but she was fairly certain surrender wasn't in the job description. Instead she tossed a handful of Novas at the priests, hoping an area attack would hit them. No such luck. The flash and smoke would've bought her time to hide from normal opponents, but she wasn't sure how well that would work here. She tried anyway.

Jets of water cut through the smoke, using this Mantra thing to follow her moves. Llama whimpered as they bit into her shoulder. It was like being hit with little knives. Plus the water made her feel tired and sick, though there wasn't enough to keep her from using her powers. Not that they were much good in a fight. Llama turned the smoke from her bombs a bloody red on the off-chance it would confuse the priests.

Something exploded above her. A burnt and battered Usopp fell to the ground beside Llama with a groan. "This is impossible! They know our every move!"

That they did. But these priests couldn't read _thoughts_ , otherwise they'd have known Llama's weapons were explosives before Usopp shot the first one. The tiny girl looked at her long-nosed companion thoughtfully. Maybe it was time someone on the crew knew about her fruit.

"Two questions."

"Huh?"

"Do you have a handkerchief in that bag? And how well can you lie?"

Usopp looked stunned for a moment, then smiled. "You have a plan Llama? Never fear, the great Captain Usopp will see it through to the end! Nothing can stop us!" He handed her a square of grey cloth.

Llama nodded and whispered to Usopp what he had to do. She'd just finished telling him when a hail of cloud orbs and water jets rained down on them. The two Straw Hats were blasted sideways, rolling behind a tree. Coughing, Llama held out a stick from which waved a newly white handkerchief.

"Alright, alright!" Usopp yelled. "We surrender! We'll convert, we'll hand over the relic, whatever you want!"

"Relic?" The priests approached cautiously, weapons trained on Llama and Usopp.

The Straw Hat sniper nodded and held out a silvery sphere with a golden cross held on by a green jewel pin. "It's why we came here: to petition heaven with its power that our captain might be king of the pirates. The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch."

Chubby hands snatched the relic away from Usopp. "How does it work?"

"Once standing on holy ground you petition the gods for a miracle, then pull the pin and count to… five. Then a sign will come to say whether your request will be granted."

"Five?" the rotund priest asked dubiously. Usopp nodded.

"Five. And your petition has to be made out loud."

Llama started to sweat. Holding four colours simultaneously was wearing on her. Thankfully the priest bought Usopp's act quickly.

"I, Lost Forest Priest Satori, hereby petition all gods both living and dead that my apprentice Volt and I might defeat our rival priests, becoming God Enel's right hands and ascending with him to Paradise!" He pulled the pin. Llama and Usopp edged back.

"One, two, three, four, fi-!" An explosion shook the forest. Both priests were badly burnt, blown away from each other and knocked into trees. It was impossible to tell if they were still alive or not through the blood and charring.

Dropping her colours- though three were gone when the false relic blew up- Llama relaxed. She shot the immobile bodies a grim look as she pulled out her notebook and wrote their names down. "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is _right out_."

Usopp stared at her with uncertain fear. "Is every girl in your world as vicious as you and Bluejay?"

"No. Only the fun ones."

A scream echoed in the distance. Nami. Llama thought for a minute. The navigator had gone with Luffy, so trouble enough to warrant a scream like that… "They found Enel. Come on; let's check it out."

"Do we have to?" Usop whimpered. Despite his complaints he followed readily enough as Llama headed off to find their captain.

 **BLUEJAY**

"Boooooooooooored!" I whined at Sanji, draping myself over the cannon. The cook sighed and shook his head.

"What do you expect me to do Blue-chan? _You're_ the one who decided to fight someone above your level and got your leg broken."

I pouted. "Did you stay back because your arm's still bothering you or because you're keeping an eye on me?"

"Yes."

"Gah!" I pressed my forehead into cool iron. "I'm not a baby you know! I can look after myself _and_ the ship on my own!"

Sanji ignored my outburst. Instead he came over and gently raised my head. "Let me look at the cut on your face. Can't have it scarring now, can we?"

"So what if it does? I don't care."

"But Coby might." Sanji patted my head. "A little lady should always look her best for her boyfriend."

"Don't you start pulling the lady crap on me like Sabo-nii!" I snapped. "I'm a bloody pirate, not a lady! If Coby likes me as I am he's not gonna care about one dinky little scar."

I gagged at the smell as Sanji lit a cigarette. "This's hardly little," our chef admonished removing some bandages to examine the wound. He was right, technically. Thatch had got me good. A slash of red crossed from my hairline right above my left temple down almost to my chin.

"She secretly likes that it makes her match her brothers," came a voice from above. Sanji leapt to his feet; I grabbed my crutch and stood with some struggle.

"Who the Hell are you?" Sanji demanded. I debated whether unarmed attacks, nekode, or my tanto would be best with my broken leg.

The intruder jumped down to the deck of the _Merry_. "My name is Sky Singer Fortisimo." Dull green eyes looked at me with disdain. "Miss, please cease all considerations of weaponry. You could never fight me in your condition."

My jaw dropped. How in the Nine Hells-?!

"Did I know what you were thinking?" Fortissimo examined his nails. "It's quite simple really. Of all Enel's priests, my Mantra is most advanced. I don't just hear your presence and intended movements; I hear your very thoughts."

Sanji tossed his cigarette at the intruding angel, who dodged effortlessly. Undeterred, our cook charged in with a flurry of kicks faster than any I'd ever seen. Not one hit their mark. Shaking his head, Fortissimo threw Sanji into our mast with a resounding crack.

"I dislike being violent with you, truly I do. Please, won't you surrender quietly? Surely you know it's useless to fight someone who can hear your very thoughts?"

Biting my lip, I looked at Sanji. He returned my gaze with a puzzled frown. "I'm not one of your brothers Blue-chan; I can't understand that weird silent language you use."

"But I can." Fortissimo shook his head at me. "No Miss, trying to think in Francais won't hinder me. I can still pick up the intent behind your words."

I slumped. "Verdammt ficken Sheisse."

"No, Deutsch won't help you either."

It was impossible to tell whether this Mantra thing allowed him to hear thoughts like ambient noise or whether Fortissimo had to focus on Sanji and I for it to work. Either way was no good. We needed a distraction, something that would overpower our thoughts or somehow make him stop listening. I had a few ideas- hopefully one would work.

"Sanji, keep attacking. I'll handle the thought-hearing thing."

Fortissimo shot me a look that somehow managed to be both patronizing and confused. "I hear your plans but I don't understand them. How do you intend to defeat me with song lyrics?"

"Like this." I grinned. _This is the song that never ends; yes it goes on and on my friends. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because…_

The effect was visible; my plan was working. After the first dozen repeats Fortissimo began to wince and glare at me. He faltered as he continued to battle Sanji. Then the priest suddenly regained his rhythm, tuning me out to focus on the chef. It appeared that this Mantra thing was at least partially focus-based.

I let the music guide my actions, my every limping step keeping time with the beat so Fortissimo couldn't even listen to me with his physical senses lest he hear the song. It was hard; the tempo was too fast to work well with my injury. Drumming my fingers on my crutch during the beats I missed helped. So did humming softly- soon you could see Fortissimo actively trying to ignore my presence, judging me annoying but harmless.

A devastating palm strike from the priest launched Sanji into the galley, breaking the door. I attacked then. My crutch swung through Fortissimo's knees, followed by a White Tiger Claw to his back. I lost my balance and fell on my side, still humming. The priest turned on me in a rage and pulled a silver stake from somewhere in his robes.

"Clearly you are possessed by demons and will never see reason. As a priest of Enel it's my duty to release you from your torment." He raised his stake.

Wham! A steel-toed dress shoe slammed into the back of Fortissimo's head. "Like Hell I'd let you hurt a lady asshole!"

Bruised and battered, Sanji looked like he was about to catch fire. A second kick caught the priest in the solar plexus as our cook spun in place. For some reason Fortissimo wouldn't- or couldn't- use his Mantra to dodge. Then I heard it. Under the sound of my own continued humming was Sanji's voice quietly reciting Ace-nii's favourite curry recipe on repeat. Our cook's attacks were formless and unpredictable as a flopping noodle.

Eventually Fortissimo broke down and fell to his knees. He'd been beaten black and blue; blood poured from his nose and one of his arms was broken. "I don't understand," he gasped, "How can you move and fight without thinking about it? How can you do anything while focusing on such _annoying_ thoughts?"

Sanji shrugged. "You'd have to be able to cook and kick at the same time too if you worked under _my_ shitty captain. Only way to keep the Monkeys from eating everything." A final kick knocked the annoying priest as unconscious.

I giggled. "I am the song that never ends; yes I go on and on my friends!"

Sighing, Sanji placed a hand on my head. "Blue-chan, please stop. As much as I love hearing your voice, whatever you're singing is driving you mad."

"Silly Sanji! We're all mad here!"

"Fair point I guess." Our cook booted Fortissimo off the ship and lit a fresh cigarette. "But your brothers probably want you coherent if not sane, and guess who the shitty captain will blame if he gets back and you're singing and giggling off the deep end."

"Ksesesesesese! Sorry…"

 **SORA**

"Are they in your pockets?"

"No." Sora groaned. He couldn't wait until they had an adventure where _someone else_ got to babysit a heavily-medicated Ace. Or better yet, one where Chopper's narcolepsy drugs worked _without_ sending the oldest Monkey high as a kite.

The firecracker was being relatively good at the moment, though he really wanted his knives back. Sora didn't understand why Ace carried the things- by all accounts he'd rarely used them since he'd eaten his fruit. Of course in the condition he was in Ace would probably have tried to balance one on his nose and ended up putting his eye out- that was why all confiscated pointy things were currently hidden in Bon-chan's cosmetic box back on the _Merry_. It was one of the few places Ace would never deign to look.

"Are they in your pants?"

"That would be stupid! No!"

Ace shrugged. "It could happen. Blue said her friend Bartolomeo kept a dagger in his pants."

"I'd never- just no. Only bad things would come of hiding your knives in my shorts. How would that even work?"

"Dunno." Ace picked his nose, flicking flaming boogers left into the undergrowth. "Good thing they're not though; getting them back would be awkward."

Sora buried his face in his hands. No, just no. The last thing he needed was the mental image of being strip-searched by a half-mad Ace. He wondered if it was possible to die of sheer _nope_.

A bush bursting into flame to his right startled Sora out of his thoughts, for which he was grateful. He shot an accusing glare at Ace. The firecracker looked drunkenly sheepish, as if he'd been accused of letting a particularly nasty fart loose.

"I gods to the swear that one wasn't me."

A voice echoed from a nearby tree. "Don't move Blue Sea dwellers! We've got you surrounded!"

Dark-skinned angels emerged from the jungle armed with guns, spears, and in one case a massive bazooka. Sora recognized the last one as the man who'd attacked the _Merry_ when she arrived on this layer of cloud. He had a very angry looking face.

"What are you doing here Blue Sea dwellers? Don't you know this vearth is sacred land?"

Sora answered cautiously. "The Skypeians told us this was the holy land of God Enel."

"Lying wretches," the bazooka wielder spat. "This land belongs to my ancestors- to Shandora. We will drive out Enel and his dark priests, and any others who ally with them!"

"I didn't say we agreed!" Sora backpedalled. Ace nodded helpfully.

"Yeah. We're here to kick Enel's ass!"

That earned looks of confusion from the newcomers. "You would take up arms against a ruling god?"

"Of course." Ace smiled. "Dad does it all the time."

"Who's your father?" asked an angel with two guns and a toque. Sora envied the headgear- despite the jungle it was chilly at this altitude.

"A dragon."

The angel with the bazooka shook his head. "You may be no friend of Enel but that doesn't make us allies. _We_ will drive him out of the golden city and fulfill the pact of our ancestors."

Golden city… Why did that sound familiar to Sora? The zoan user thought for a moment, then remembered _The Tale of Noland the Liar_ that Sanji and Cricket had told them. "Does this pact have anything to do with an explorer named Montblanc Noland?"

"How do you know that name?" Sora suddenly found the business end of a bazooka getting a little too friendly with his face. He took a step back- not that doing so would help much.

"We met Noland's descendant on the way here- his name's Cricket. He spends all his time diving into the sea to find out if the golden city's real." Sora looked around. "But he'll never find out, will he? It's up here."

The angels nodded; their leader lowered his bazooka. He still looked grumpy and wary though. "My name is Wyper; it was my ancestor who befriended Noland and made the pact with him. If what you say is true our mission is even more important. I must drive out Enel and find the Golden Bell of Shandora that this Cricket might know we are here."

"We'll help?" Sora offered him tentatively. He looked to Ace for support, but the firecracker was too busy examining Wyper's bazooka to respond. He'd pulled his hat back to get a better look; it hung down over his tattoo.

Wyper turned away. "We don't need your help Blue Sea dweller. Your untrained antics would only hinder us against the Mantra of the priests."

"Mantra?"

"The power that allows them to read your movements and intentions before you make them," explained the girl with the spear. "Some of our people have this ability so we know how to combat it, but yours do not."

Sora bit his lip. Such a power was both terrifying and exciting. It reminded him of something he'd read back on Earth in one of Camy's books… "Like _prima vitae_ , the ability of Jedi to sense lifeforms through the Force?"

Blank looks. "Er… Maybe? Can you do that?"

"Nope."

Everyone sweatdropped- even Ace. Sora was sure that if he _could_ use the Force he would sense nothing but facepalms and sweatdrops, as if an entire world was crying out against a lame joke.

Ace prodded the side of Sora's head. "What's the Force?"

"The Force is everywhere and nowhere, flowing through everything and everyone. It's like… duct tape! Let's go with that. Both have a light side and a dark side and they hold the universe together."

"Oh." Ace prodded Sora again. The zoan user sighed.

"Yes?"

"What's duct tape?"

"A miracle adhesive that can do anything from holding a chair together to keeping Luffy quiet."

"We should get some."

"I wish we could Ace, I wish we could."

The Shandorans stared at the Straw Hats throughout their conversation. "You two are both mad."

"Wait until you meet the rest of the family."

Perking up suddenly- although not in a good way- the girl with the spear turned to Wyper. "I hear someone coming- lots of someones actually."

"Sky Rider Shura and Good Boy Obito? I thought I saw them earlier."

"And Obito's minions," the girl confirmed. Wyper growled.

"Pay attention Blue Sea dwellers. Soon you will see a demonstration of the powers of Mantra."

Seconds later a wave broke through the trees- a swirling mass of tiny yellow humanoids led by two angel priests, one of whom rode a giant bird. Wyper immediately engaged with the bird rider and led him away while the other Shandorans battled the yellow people. The second priest charged at Sora.

Whoosh! A giant war fan sliced over the zoan user's head as he dropped to all fours. The priest giggled behind his lurid orange mask. "We knew you would do that!"

"Yeah?" Sora stood and twirled his mallet. "Then why'd you still miss?"

"Because it would be over too fast. No fun for Obito _or_ Tobi. We don't like to be _bored_."

"Then I'll try to keep things interesting." Sora swung his weapon in a broad arc. Obito staggered back, clumsy but unharmed.

"Big weapons is very easy to predict. Tobi's not gonna get to play at _all_." The voice behind the mask sounded pouty.

Sora frowned and swung his mallet faster, harder… But Obito was right. It was a heavy, blunt thing suited only to a few modes of attack. So the zoan user let his tail out to try and entangle his opponent's legs.

"Ooh! Pretty colours!" Obito jumped over Sora's tail like a skipping rope. "But still too slow! Obito can hear what you're about to do!"

The disadvantage of a war fan was that no matter how sharp it was, it could never be as sturdy as a solid blade. Sora transformed as much as he could control, pebble-hard scales flowing over his skin just in time. Obito's weapon bent on contact; while the zoan user would have a nasty bruise the next day, Sora's hide remained whole.

"Hmm, weren't expecting that one, were we Tobi?" Obito leapt back and tossed his giant war fan aside, bringing out a number of knives that he proceeded to throw at Sora. The zoan user deflected with his mallet as best he could. Still, one blade slashed across the top of his thigh and another embedded himself in his shoulder. Sora hissed in pain.

He wondered if he could replicate whatever he'd done to Ace the night before. Sora's uncertain interactions were evidently picked up by Obito, as the winged priest clapped his hands in delight.

"Ooh! Experimental mystery of technique! We wanna see!"

"What are you," Sora growled, making sure his vocal chords had changed, "An evil version of Captain Luffy?"

"Maybe. We dunno." Obito shrugged and fiddled with his mask.

Sora tried to remember how he'd summoned the sleeping mist. Frustration- he'd roared at Ace, wanting the firecracker to shut up and go to sleep. A mix of voice and intent then. His first named technique- Bluejay would be so proud of him.

"Dream Impulse!" A draconic roar shook the forest. Blue-grey mist issued from Sora's mouth and enveloped Obito. The priest stared in amazement.

"Ooh, pretty. What does it- zzzzzzzzzzz…" There was a thud as the sleeping priest hit the dirt.

Time seemed to freeze. The yellow minions fighting Ace and the Shandorans paused and let out a collective gasp. "Uh-oh…"

A chill ran down Sora's spine. He watched, frozen, as his sleeping opponent stood, shoulders shaking with laughter. The priest pulled a katana from somewhere within his robes.

"Keheheheha! You fool! Did you not understand Obito's words?" The voice coming from behind the mask was much deeper and darker than before. "There are two of us in here!"

The katana did what the war fan hadn't. Red lines opened through Sora's scales as the zoan user failed to dodge savage strikes. This must be Tobi. Sora wondered what would happen if he managed to put the second personality to sleep. Would Obito wake up? Would the priest stop fighting? Tobi wasn't giving him a chance to find out. Every time Sora tried to roar the katana came for his head.

Finally Sora couldn't take it anymore. He dropped his mallet in favour of catching the katana's blade in his scaled hands, wincing as it bit into his claws. "Dream Impulse!"

Tobi slumped as the mist washed over his face. Sora followed up with what he privately considered a Monkey-style lobotomy- a jarring strike to the priest's head that left a bloody claw print and probably resulted in a severe concussion. Not that the zoan user had his captain's charisma to change someone's outlook on life with a punch, but it was worth a try. At least Tobi/Obito was definitely down for the count afterwards.

Growling, Sora looked over to Ace. The firecracker better have a good excuse for leaving him to fight the maniac on his own while the Shandorans were already handling the minions and the other priest! Sora was confused to find his companion standing on a log surrounded by awestruck minions and puzzled Shandorans. Ace and the minions were totally focused on his southbird egg as it rocked and cracked in his hands.

The egg split and a bald chick flopped out with a squawk. Ace and the minions cheered; the Shandorans continued to stare in silent confusion. Then the minions began babbling excitedly. It gave Sora a headache.

Ace frowned at the nearest minion. "No! I'm not calling him Squishy! His name is Spade!"

Sora stared. "You can understand those things?"

"Of course! They're just like Lu and Blue were when Sabo gave them coffee on my sixteenth birthday. I think he did it to mess with me." Ace shuddered. "Word to the wise for when you're in the galley: never give the midgets coffee. You'll forfeit what little sanity the crew has."

Shaking themselves out of their confusion, the Shandorans looked to resume their battle with the minions. Ace leapt in the way, raising a wall of fire as he shouted at the little yellow people.

"Flee my children! Go forth into the world and wreak havoc upon marines and nobles alike! Give them wedgies and spit in their tea! And remember to raise my brother's flag so everyone will know you as our allies!"

"Aye sir!" The minions gleefully bounced away in an energetic torrent of yellow. Sora wondered if Ace was even aware that he could be just as grating on the sanity as Luffy and Bluejay, if not more so.

"But those are the minions of Enel's priests!" the Shandoran girl with the spear protested. Ace put his hat back on and settled Spade on its brim.

"No, they're my minions now. I hope they find that Smokey marine who likes to chase us so much and pants him."

Sora rubbed his temples. "Do I even want to know what happened?"

"Probably not. It involved sixteen bananas, one of Blue's favourite songs, green fire, and a shiny rock."

"Yep, I don't need to know."

Suddenly a scream rang out through the trees. Nami. For her to shriek like that she and Luffy had to be in some serious trouble. They'd probably found Enel- or he'd found them. Sora spread his wings and looked at Ace.

"I don't suppose you have some sort of younger sibling sense as well as your D senses that would help us find Captain Luffy?"

"Of course I do!" Going partially intangible, Ace leapt onto Sora's shoulders and pointed off to the left. "He's that way! Mush!"

The zoan user took flight, though he grumbled as he did so. "I'm not a sled dog. Tell me to mush again and I'm dumping you on the ground and going myself."

 **CAPTAIN SNAPPY**

Pride! Glee! Ma had just defeated one of the Robed Ones with Wings- without even being cut up too badly this time too. And Snappy himself had valiantly battled the Giant Yellow Holy Dog, vanquishing it with his mighty teeth. Today was a good day.

Of course they still needed to find Prey Who is Pack- the deer had run off when the sounds of battle were joined by the scent of the Giant Fluffy Snake. Not that there was anything to fear- Giant Fluffy Snake had recognized them as companions of Quiet Little Explosion and fled. Hopefully Prey Who is Pack was alright. He was an important pack member- it was he who magically fixed Ma, Pops, and Hunting Bird Girl when they were injured. Although the deer's magic was definitely limited. Snappy wondered how long it would take for Hunting Bird Girl to run again.

A wounded cry echoed among the trees- something had happened to Orange Pack Tracker. Ma immediately stood up… and began running off in the wrong direction. Snappy yipped to get his attention.

Ma stopped. "What is it boy?"

Snappy yipped again and dashed over to tug at Ma's pants. Orange Pack Tracker and Prey Who is Pack had been preparing him for this moment. They said Ma often got lost and it would be his job to get Ma where he needed to go. Well, right now they needed to go to Orange Pack Tracker and Pops. Snappy tugged Ma's pants again and took off after Orange Pack Tracker's scent. Crashing footsteps assured him that Ma was following.

The little raptor ran on for a long while, pleased to finally be using his training. And then they came to Home that Floats and Flies. That wasn't right. Orange Pack Tracker's scent had been in the other direction. Snappy chirped in confusion.

Maker of Food stared down from Home. "You lost _again_ shitty Marimo?"

Ma snarled. "No! Captain Snappy took off this way; I thought he smelled Chopper or something."

"A likely story."

"Shut it Swirly-Brows! Unlike you, some of us've had a lot to do today!"

Tired of their arguing- Ma and Maker of Food could be stupid, stubborn betas at times- Snappy grabbed Ma's pants and tugged back towards the jungle. If following his nose was no good they would just have to find Orange Pack Tracker some other way. Standing there fighting with Maker of Food was just a waste of time. What if Pops needed them?

 **LLAMA**

The golden ark was huge and impressive, though Llama had her doubts that it could actually fly- at least, until it started to do so. As for making it to the moon like Enel claimed he was trying to do… This world's science was still strange to Llama, but she was pretty sure even a lightning logia would need oxygen and an atmosphere to survive. Lightning, being made of electrons, needed _matter_ to move and exist- not vacuum.

Regardless, the issue at hand was that Enel had captured Nami, Luffy was lost somewhere in the bowels of the ark, and a distraction was needed. Llama and Usopp, hiding behind some sort of giant transistor, looked at each other and shrugged.

"Ideas?"

Usopp shook his head. "If I knew how to hurt a logia Ace wouldn't set my pants on fire so often."

"Poo…" Llama frowned at the floor. The sniper thought for a moment and snapped his fingers.

"What about if we curse him?"

"How?" Llama stared at her companion dubiously. "Do you know magic?"

"Well, no, but I know a lot of things that make people shudder just thinking about them."

"Close enough. Go."

Usopp jumped up on the transistor and waved his arms to get Enel's attention. "Usopp Curse!" Llama made the air around him flash different colours for added distraction and possible headaches.

"A sliver works its way under your fingernail." Shudder. "While making lemonade, you get juice in a papercut." Wince. "A surgeon shows you close-ups of an in-progress appendectomy." Okay, Llama thought she might lose her lunch at that one.

The sniper was about to drag his fingernails across a small chalkboard when Luffy burst onto the deck. Llama thanked any gods that may have been listening for the interruption- she didn't have any hearing protection.

"Enel! I'm gonna kick your ass!"

Usopp hummed, rubbing his chin. "Luffy really needs a new war cry."

Llama shrugged. "It's simple and easy to remember, just like him."

"Fair enough."

Enel gave a derogatory sniff. "Please, even without my Mantra a peasant like you could never lay a hand on me, let alone _kick my ass_ as you so quaintly put it."

Llama whipped out her stick and threw it to test. It passed through Enel with a crackle of lightning. Luffy picked his nose.

"So you've got an element fruit like Ace? Cool. I'll kick your ass anyway though."

"I just told you, you can't even touch me let alo-!" Wham! A rubber fist collided with a chest that was suddenly flesh rather than electricity, pushing Enel back several meters.

Ka-clik! Llama was _so_ glad Usopp got a picture of the so-called god's face. It was a thing of beauty- confusion, fear, and disbelief in their purest forms; the slack-jawed, bug-eyed expression of someone who'd just had their entire worldview flipped upside down, shattered, and stepped on for good measure. There was snot and tears and a little bit of spit. Truly, this was one of the most glorious faces Llama had ever seen.

"How?" Enel gasped. "You can't… Any time someone has tried that they were electrocuted and I was unharmed."

Luffy shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe cause I'm made of rubber?"

"Rubber? What in the name of vearth is rubber?"

"One of the best insulators in the world," Nami piped up from her place by a rail. "Face it ' _God_ ,' Luffy is your natural enemy."

Though still visibly shaken, Enel managed to regain some of his composure. "No matter. I shall simply have to use my Mantra to defeat you then."

"Mantra?" Luffy cocked his head to one side.

"It lets him hear your movements before you make them," Usopp supplied.

"Oh. A mystery thing with his big ears. Okay then. Gomu-Gomu no Gattling!"

Llama watched with interest as Enel swayed to and fro, dodging snapping punches. She wondered if this Mantra was exclusive in some way or if anyone could learn it. It would certainly be a useful skill. The tiny girl would love to be able to sense people sneaking up on her, or where they would move when she was throwing explosives.

Less useful in appearance was Luffy's counter to Mantra. Eyes glazed, the rubber captain flopped about like a fish. But he could only fight defensively that way, so after a couple minutes Enel simply stopped attacking him. Llama facepalmed. Leave it to her captain to try and weaponize his own stupidity. What was next? Ace using his narcolepsy in a fight? Actually, Llama supposed, that might be fun to see.

When his mindless flopping availed nothing, Luffy snapped his fingers and turned away from Enel to face one of the smooth, golden wall that made the ark's pilot house. "Gomu-Gomu no Reflect Gattling!"

In theory it was a good plan. If Luffy didn't know where his punches would land Enel wouldn't either. The lightning logia was hit many times by bouncing rubber fists. Problem was, Usopp, Nami, and Llama were getting hit sometimes too. All three took shelter behind the giant transistor, but even so the occasional punch got to them.

"What should we do?" Usopp winced as he spoke, rubbing bruised ribs.

Llama looked at the ark's propeller. "I could blow it up."

"And what good would that do?"

Nami frowned. "Go ahead Llama. Even if it won't help Luffy, Enel said something about destroying the island on his way to paradise. If we can destroy his ship it might slow him down." The navigator's eyes lit up. "Usopp, you have a parachute in your bag, right?"

"Yes."

"How quickly could you glide to town and warn Conis in case they need to evacuate?"

Usopp looked out over the Holy Land in consideration. "We're flying about six times higher than the _Merry_ … Looks like I have a tailwind… Maybe half an hour. Why? You don't think Luffy can win?"

"I do. I just don't know if he could do it without setting off whatever might destroy the island. And if it's one of Enel's techniques…"

"Say no more!" Usopp rushed to the edge of the ark and prepared his chute. "The great Captain Usopp will see to it that the Skypeians are evacuated safely. Geronimo!"

Llama dug through her explosives for the one she needed. By the time she found it Usopp was about a hundred meters away from the ark. She lit the fuse immediately. "Hold on," the tiny girl told Nami as she tossed the weapon, "Supernova!"

The ark's strange engine exploded in a leafy blast of red and white. Enel yelped in surprise and Luffy faltered. Llama and Nami clung to the smoking transistor as the flying ship went down. It crashed with a thunderous noise amidst the trees at the edge of a ruined golden city.

 **SORA**

He lit on the edge of a golden roof not far from where Robin was reading a rune-covered wall. Sabo was keeping watch for her, top hat askew. It appeared they had been in a fight was well- Sora wondered who with. As soon as the zoan user had landed Ace jumped down and ran over to Sabo.

"Lu's around here somewhere and he and Nami are in trouble! Have you seen him?"

"No I haven't. We came here after hearing the scream too, but we've been distracted."

Gradually more Straw Hats showed up, drawn by Nami's scream. Kaya and Bon-chan. Chopper. Coby and Ghin. Zoro and Captain Snappy. The first mate, last to arrive as usual, looked around in confusion.

"Where're Luffy and the witch?"

As if on cue a great shadow flew over them, smoking. It was followed soon after by a tremendous crash amidst the nearby trees. More smoke poured into the air, thick and black, while the occasional flame licked at the sky. Ace grinned.

"Found Lu."

The Straw Hats raced to the site of the commotion. They were met with the sight of a battered Llama and Nami crawling out of a wrecked golden ship. Luffy, frustrated but unharmed, threw broken metal away as he clawed himself free. Enel stood above on the ship's cracked hull.

"I commend you, Straw Hat, on your choices in the women you keep company with. They are clever and strong, though willful. Perhaps I will take more than just your navigator with me to paradise. Not the little one- her bombs are too much of an annoyance- but the rune-reader… your nurse may prove useful as well, as she is accustomed to treating logia."

Here Kaya smiled politely and pulled out a vial, her eyes glinting. Sora recognized the substance inside as one the nurse had been working on to force Ace to stay corporeal during treatment. Enel, not noticing the implied threat, continued on.

"And your sister… She may not be fair to look upon or have any particular talent, but she looks like she would bear strong, clever children when the time comes."

Cold pressure filled the air, flowing from Ace and Luffy. Sora noticed with interest that the longer someone had been with the crew, the less unbalanced they were by the sensation. Llama looked like she was about to faint; Sabo appeared almost unaffected.

"My crew mates aren't just _things_ for you to take! What about what they want? Their dreams? Their _families_?"

"You're like twice Blue's age and you're an asshole! Burn in Hell!"

Snap. Snap. Sora looked for the source of the quiet noise. It was Sabo exchanging his usual black leather gloves for a pair that appeared to be… rubber? Why would he have those? The gentleman smiled like a noble and planted his pipe in the ground as if it were some unnatural sapling.

"Ace. Luffy. Leave this one to me."

Luffy cocked his head to one side. "You sure? He's made of lightning."

"I have rubber gloves."

"What if they're not enough?"

"They will be." Sabo's eyes flashed the murky grey-blue of an oncoming hurricane. "I keep missing all the big fights so I don't have a bounty, but Ace is the only one here who can beat me. Now this _cur_ is threatening to kidnap and possibly rape my younger sister- that I _cannot_ allow. I assure you, I am fully capable of defeating this _pretender_."

Ace whistled. "Ooh, noble talk. Sabo's _pissed_."

Sora glanced at the firecracker and thought that Ace had no room to talk. The eldest Monkey currently resembled a column of fire more than an actual human shape. Not that Sora was much better either. Black claws dug into already bloody rainbow scales as the zoan user clenched his fists.

A single leap carried Sabo up beside Enel. The gentleman's top hat shadowed his face in a menacing, period-drama-villain sort of way. "You sir, have made three _very_ poor decisions."

Enel was trembling under the combined forces of Sabo's glare and the pressure radiating from Ace and Luffy. Sora almost felt sorry for the logia except, you know, the guy was a total despotic ass.

"First," Sabo struck a ringing blow that Enel barely managed to deflect with his staff, "You took advantage of the rift between the Skypeians and Shandorans to force the former to serve you while your priests hunted the latter like dogs."

"Second…" Sabo dodged a lightning-infused strike and punched Enel solidly in the floating ribs. "You wish to take our crew mates and make them your slaves. We _do not_ appreciate this, as I believe a pirate named Arlong could attest."

"And third," here the gentleman grabbed Enel's staff and snapped it in two, tossing it aside. "Third… You insult my sister _who is still a child_ and imply that you would _force_ her to bear your children."

"Why isn't Enel using his Mantra?" Coby whispered. Sora shook his head.

"I don't think he _can_. Not sure what it feels like to him, but to my instincts there's so much _alpha-protect-rage-_ _ **kill**_ coming off Ace and Captain Luffy that I'm getting dizzy. Mantra seems to be even more sensitive, so…"

"It's the ultimate distraction technique," Kaya noted.

As well as the pressure coming off Ace and Luffy, Enel seemed shaken by Sabo's ability to hit him. He kept glancing between the gentleman's rubber gloves and the furious face of the young rubber captain. It was as if the lightning man had never encountered an insulator before. He was cocky at times because of this- a tendency Sabo exploited.

Gloved hands spread into what appeared- to Sora- to be the Vulcan Salute. But there was no way Sabo had ever seen _Star Trek_ and he _definitely_ didn't want Enel to live long and prosper.

"Power hungry, self-important clot poles like you make me sick," the gentleman informed Enel with a smile that was anything but gentlemanly. "It will give me great pleasure to spatter your brains across the length of your so-called Holy Land you foul, iron-witted puke-stocking."

Wow. Not a single curse word and yet Sabo had managed the greatest, most thorough insult Sora had ever heard. The zoan user was impressed. And scared.

"Dragon Claw!" Sabo grabbed Enel's head and began to squeeze. The false god screamed in pain. Lightning crackled, lighting up Sabo's face in a harsh, manic dance.

"Thunder Lance!" A blast of electricity forced Sabo to let go, firing him backwards into a tree. Enel panted. "You… You're not _made_ of this _rubber_ like the other one. Only your gloves…" Blood trickled down the false god's face from a small puncture by his temple.

Sabo stood, brushing dirt off his jacket. "That's enough for me to beat you."

Beside Sora, Chopper bit his lip. "Please let Luffy do this!" the reindeer eventually burst out. "You're a normal human- he'll stop your heart!"

"Better stopped than broken seeing my sister as some noble slug's plaything!"

"Is he even seeing Enel anymore?" Nami asked. "Or is he imagining someone else?"

Ghin pressed his forehead to his jar of dirt. "And I thought Don Sabo was the most stable of the four…"

Wham! Sabo punched Enel in the solar plexus hard enough to knock the logia backwards. A few small sparks shot out on reflex to burn holes in the edges of the pirate's coat. Another blast, larger, burnt a jagged line down the Straw Hat gentleman's left arm and made his hair stand on end. Both shirt and jacket sleeves split along the char, hanging off and putting older, deeper burns on display.

Sabo tutted. "And this was my favourite coat too. Luckily for you, I don't think I can get any more pissed off than I already am. Dragon Claw!"

This time it was Enel's arm that Sabo grabbed. When the false god tried to line up a lightning attack the gentleman yanked him roughly, throwing his aim wide. Sabo's other hand came up to grab and squeeze the back of Enel's neck.

Desperate, Enel thrashed, firing bolts of lightning at random. Luffy jumped in the way of most of the crew to protect them- though Ace was unaffected and Nami managed to disperse the electricity somehow with her clima-tact. Sabo came through the outburst blackened and smoking. His coat was now falling to pieces; one of the lenses on his goggles was cracked. Even so, the gentleman still simmered with rage and had yet to release his hold on Enel.

With a mighty heave Sabo threw Enel into a wall. The false god started to laugh. All around the golden city the air crackled with electricity. Nami paled.

"This isn't good…"

"Not that I can't see that," Sora hissed, "But exactly how 'not good' is it?"

"Definitely-kill-us-and-possibly-destroy-the-island not good."

"Can we stop it?"

"Maybe." Nami frowned thoughtfully. "It would take you, Luffy, and a massive chunk of gold."

Sora looked at the piece the navigator was indicating. "I can't fly with that much weight."

"Use the thermals over Ace."

That _might_ work. The firecracker was producing quite the scalding updraft at the moment. Sora grabbed Luffy and nodded towards the giant chunk of gold. "Captain, grab that and use it to disperse the charge once we've achieved altitude."

"Who the what?"

Face, meet palm. "Jump on my back and swing the gold around really fast once we're high enough."

"Oh. Okay."

Even with the thermals the weight was almost too much. It didn't help that stray lightning from Sabo and Enel's battle kept stinging Sora's wings, or that swinging _anything_ while flying shot his balance straight to Hell. Nami's idea seemed to be working though. There was gradually less and less ambient electricity in the area; the smell of ozone faded.

A great clang rang out as Sabo drove Enel's head through the hull of the golden ark. It was followed by a pained scream- Sabo had once again seized Enel by the skull and started squeezing. This time the logia couldn't escape. The false god went limp; Sora couldn't tell from this altitude whether he was unconscious or dead. All remaining electricity in the air simply vanished.

"Woohoo! Sabo's awesome!" Luffy did a celebratory dance on Sora's back, throwing the chunk of gold into the air. Sora growled and lurched in flight. Although he _was_ glad to be rid of the extra weight.

Klang! The thrown gold hit something hard above them. Notes like a great church bell peeled through the air. Far below, Sora saw the Shandorans look up with tears in their eyes. He and his captain followed their gaze into a thick patch of cloud by a giant beanstalk.

"Let's go check it out!" Luffy tugged none too gently on the leading edge of one of Sora's wings. The zoan user winced.

"Aye-aye Captain, but just remember that if you keep yanking on my wing I won't be able to fly you anywhere."

"Shishishi. Oops. Sorry."

Nestled in the thick cloud was a small temple, the focus of which was a giant bell. It was still ringing slowly as Sora landed beside it. Luffy immediately jumped off to take a closer look.

"Sugoi! There's a bunch of those weird letters here for Robin to read. Go get her Sora!"

"Sure thing. I'll be back in a minute; try not to fall off while I'm gone." Sora dove, flexing his strained wings and letting gravity do most of the work. Robin raised her eyebrows when he landed next to her.

"Um, Robin, if you're not busy there's something up there that the captain thinks you should see."

The archaeologist's eyes danced with amusement. "Well, if the captain says so… Lead the way Rainbow Thief."

Going a little red (and gold, and green, and violet) in the face, Sora awkwardly picked Robin up bridal style. He suddenly found himself wishing it was Ace he was supposed to be transporting instead. He felt the older woman's chuckles against his chest as he took off. "My, my Rainbow Thief, how shy you are. How does your girlfriend manage?"

"Well enough." Sora's voice squeaked with embarrassment, making him feel like Coby. Once he reached the bell he put Robin down as soon as was safe, backing away quickly and debating the merits of burying his head in the clouds for the next year.

Robin examined the poneglyph. "It… Roger was here."

"What?" Luffy bounced eagerly. Robin pointed to a part of the writing that looked slightly different from the rest.

"I wasn't aware the Pirate King could read poneglyphs, but… It says we're on the right track. Captain… If this is right, I believe the Rio Poneglyph I've been searching for may be hidden with the One Piece."

"Shishishishi! It's a good thing you joined my crew then, ne?"

 **BLUEJAY**

I wasn't entirely sure how it had come to this. Something about Conis helping Usopp prepare an evacuation (With a bazooka! She'd fit our crew perfectly!) and Luffy and Sora accidentally fulfilling some sort of ancient Shandoran pact. Regardless, now that Enel and his priests had been defeated it somehow fell to us Straw Hats to negotiate peace between the Skypeians and the Shandorans.

It wasn't going well. Pirates don't make very good negotiators.

What was supposed to be a civil discussion had turned into a madhouse. Skypeians were yelling at Shandorans for attacking their pilgrimages; Shandorans were yelling at Skypeians for some governor taking over their homeland four hundred years before. Zoro and Sanji were fighting about whose ideas for solving this were dumbest while Luffy was yelling just because. Ghin crouched in a corner holding his jar of dirt while Bon-chan tried to reassure him. Sora's attempt to roar and be heard over the clangor only succeeded in putting Ace-nii to sleep, which left my eldest brother thrashing with nightmares. Sabo-nii kept trying to bring some order to the meeting, but no one could hear him- a shot of lightning to the throat had left him temporarily mute.

Annoyed, I grabbed a whistle someone had left on the rail of the _Merry_ and blew a shrill blast. Everyone immediately shut up. I smiled and put the whistle down. "Thank you."

Wingbeats interrupted before I could think of more to say. Gan Fall arrived on his pegasus, as if he'd been somewhere nearby waiting for the whistle to sound. "You called Miss?"

I gave the sky knight a hard look. His appearance was a surprise, but I could work with that. "You understand what's going on here, right? Why the Skypeians and Shandorans hate each other so much?"

"Yes."

"Do you think you could fix it?"

"Possibly, if they'll allow me to speak. I've tried once before, but was interrupted by the arrival of Enel and his cronies. I'm certainly willing to give it another try. It was-!"

"Don't need to know." I held up a hand. "Starting tomorrow this is your funny farm. We don't know enough about what's going on around here to help. Plus we're pirates who just beat up a bunch of assholes. That means…"

"Party!" Nii-chan bounced over and hugged me from behind.

The chaos soon returned, albeit in a more fun variety. Even with their longstanding feud the Shandorans and Skypeians both hated and feared Enel, and were perfectly willing to set aside their differences for a single night to celebrate the heroes who'd defeated him. Although Luffy hated that description of our crew.

"I don't wanna be a hero," my brother sulked. "Heroes share their meat. I don't. I want all the meat!"

Zoro patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, we all know you're a big bad pirate captain who'd steal meat from his own baby sister. Who'd then try to rip his face off, but that's another story."

"Yay!" Nii-chan glomped his first mate.

For once I had a good excuse to avoid dancing, so Sabo-nii and Bon-chan left me alone when I hobbled over to sit by Coby. I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. Only then did I realize how much he was shaking. "What's wrong?"

"Until today I forgot that Ace-san isn't your only scary brother." My boyfriend made a face. "Sabo-san might be even more terrifying."

"It's okay. I won't let them hurt you."

"I appreciate the sentiment Bluejay-san, but how will you stop them?"

"Meat shields and emotional blackmail."

We passed a few moments in silence. Then suddenly Coby turned his head and kissed me. Were my life a romance novel I would wax poetic here, something about sparks and true love and destiny. The truth was far from that. We were quick and messy and inexperienced; Coby smelled of sweat and jungle and tasted of fried fish. But I've never liked romance novels, so this was perfect.

A shadow fell over us. Coby and I looked up into glinting blue eyes. Sabo-nii raised an eyebrow and nodded to Coby, flexing one hand into a Dragon Claw. My boyfriend swallowed nervously.

"Is he saying something Bluejay-san? I can never tell with you four."

"Yep. Rough translation- Okay, but if you hurt her remember that I can crush a man's skull with my bare hands."

Coby blinked. "You can get all that from a few gestures?"

"Sure. The four of us know each other really well. Ace-nii and Nii-chan don't quiet-talk as often, but it was actually Ace-nii's idea to start. I can teach you if you want."

"Maybe. It _would_ be useful to know which of your brothers was plotting my bloody demise."

Sabo-nii smiled his nobleman's smile, then turned to me and pouted. His scarred left hand plucked at the remains of his shirt sleeve. I nodded. "Yeah, I'll make you a new coat. Royal blue again?"

Nod.

"Gold or silver for the buttons and accents and such?"

My brother rolled his eyes and tugged at his hair. _Gold, obviously_. I laughed and made a motion with my hands that indicated I'd start working on it in the morning. Sabo-nii ruffled my hair and stalked off to find (and probably wake) Ace-nii.

A few minutes later Conis wandered over to where Coby and I sat. "Hesso."

"Hi."

"I tried to ask Sabo," the angel began, "But he can't speak right now. How were he and Luffy able to strike Enel? He was made of lightning; that shouldn't have been possible."

"Rubber. Nii-chan- Luffy- is made of rubber and Sabo-nii wore rubber gloves. Rubber's an insulator, so lightning can't get through."

"But how was he forced to become tangible? It doesn't make sense!"

"Join the club; we've got tattoos." I shrugged. "Sorry, I dunno. Don't have a fruit, so I've never tried to figure out how they work."

Conis stared at me. "Fruit? You mean strange beings like Enel, Luffy, and Chopper are the product of _fruit_?"

"Yep. Ace-nii, Sora, and Robin too. Eat a Devil Fruit, get a weird power, never swim again."

The angel shook her head. "You Blue Sea dwellers are very strange and mysterious."

"Skypeia's lack of familiarity with Devil Fruits is probably part of what made it so easy for Enel to take over."

"True." Conis glanced cautiously at the sky, as if expecting to be struck by lightning. It made sense; her people had only been free for a few hours. Twitchy as she was, Conis nearly jumped out of her skin when her father joined us.

"H-hesso Daddy."

"Hesso."

Conis bit her lip. "Daddy, do you think it would be worth trying to convince the university to send research expeditions to the Blue Sea? Bluejay's right; if we were more familiar with occurrences and technology there we might have prevented Enel taking over."

"Maybe." The older angel hummed. "I bet they have some interesting cultures to study down there as well."

"For the last time Daddy, I'm studying psychology, not anthropology. _Why_ can't you remember the difference?"

"That's nice dear." Conis' father had a twinkle in his eye. "You know, if you want to know about the Blue Sea so much, I'm sure the captain would take you. They seem to need a therapist."

"But Daddy, my education!"

"The university isn't going anywhere. And think of the thesis you could write! No Skypeian in recorded history has had a chance to study pirates. Even those hooligans when I was young didn't stick around long enough."

"True." I could see wheels turning in Conis' head. "But Daddy, I don't even know how to go about signing up."

Coby snickered. "It's less signing up and more being dragged in and assimilated Conis-san."

I elbowed my boyfriend in the ribs. "Says the one who did a momentary personality one-eighty and gave up on his dream of being a marine!"

"Hey! After what Ace-san and Sabo-san told me, and seeing what Captain Morgan was doing to Shells Town… I guess I kind of lost faith in the Navy's morals. And Luffy-san is my friend; he's turned out to be a good man and a good captain. Plus," here Coby blushed a little, "I was already a little curious about _you_ Bluejay-san."

"Good answer." I pecked Coby on the cheek.

Conis looked confused. "So there's no sign-up procedure? Do I just _ask_ Luffy if I can join his crew?"

"That works. Although he's usually the one who asks you. Or demands that you join us, or accidentally kidnaps you… Ask some of the others for their stories. Some of 'em are kinda funny."

"And how did _you_ join the crew Bluejay?"

"Captain's little sister. No choice."

"Surely he wouldn't force you?"

"Force? No. Pout, whine, and point out that I'd be breaking like three promises if I _didn't_ join? Yes."

"I see." Conis looked wistfully around at our various partying crew mates. "And if I joined I would be the therapist?"

"Yeah, in theory. We don't all break down like Ghin, but a lot of us _do_ have issues."

"And you're planning on leaving tomorrow?"

"Probably. We don't usually stick around long after the big party. There's other things to do- treasure to search for, islands to explore, marines to terrorize, a grandfather to run from…"

Conis nodded thoughtfully. "Then I should go speak with Luffy now. Thank you Bluejay, Coby."

A few minutes later a delighted whoop tore through the party. Nii-chan glomped Conis before Zoro could stop him, yelling about angels and awesome bazookas. I smiled, thinking back to when we were little and Luffy had said he wanted a crew of about ten. Sabo had talked him out of it eventually, citing how many people were actually needed to crew some of the big ships we used to admire coming into port. And even so we were choosy about who could join. They had to have a certain steel and quirkiness about them; a Straw Hat-ness. Conis had it.

The party continued on into the wee hours of the morning. Eventually only us Straw Hats were still awake- as pirates we had a much higher party tolerance than your average civilian. We were moving Conis into the girls' cabin of the _Merry_ when a sly look crossed Nami's face.

"You know, it's a shame to leave an entire city of gold just lying there… Unused… Unappreciated…"

Kaya hummed. "Isn't our hold still full from salvaging in the Rainbow Mist?"

"True. It won't be for long though."

"Also true. Between provisions, my experiments, and Usopp-kun's equipment our treasury empties quickly." Kaya looked at the worn bulkhead of the ship, patched visibly even in this female bastion of peace. "Still, we can't afford to overload the _Merry_ right now. Usopp-kun's repairs are decent enough, but with so many old scars… We really should get a proper shipwright to look her over."

"We'll be passing through Water Seven a few islands from now," Robin offered. "It's a city famous for its shipyards."

Nami frowned. "I'll conserve what I can until then, but I'd feel much more secure if we could take some of the gold with us."

"Actually, I overheard the Shandorans planning an offering of gold for Luffy and Sora." Conis pulled bedding from one of her bags and made up her bunk in pale blue sheets. "Whatever those two did, Wyper and the others seem to value it greatly."

Beri symbols replaced our navigator's eyes. "I won't let those idiots say no! But where would we keep it?"

I raised a hand. "How about our cabin?"

Conis shot me an odd look. "There's already six of us sleeping in here Bluejay, and only five bunks that I can see. That's not enough room as it is."

"Not _here_ ," Llama said softly. She scribbled something in her notebook. "Jay, Captain, Sabo, and Ace have their own room."

"Oh."

"There's plenty of space," I assured Nami. "It was originally another storage hold and the four of us only need the one bed."

"That's not-!" Conis turned bright red. Nami and Kaya smiled.

"Bluejay-san and her brothers sleep together and it's adorable. You'll get used to it Conis-san."

"Or talk them out of it. That's part of what you're here for. Alright Bluejay, I accept your offer. Just don't let your idiot brothers mess with the gold."

True to Conis' words, a party of Shandorans bearing gifts of gold came to see us off the next morning. That was when I learned of the pact Nii-chan and Sora had fulfilled: they had accidentally run the Golden Bell of Shandora, signalling the return of the Shandorans to their homeland and symbolizing the friendship between their ancestors and Montblanc Noland.

I hoped old man Cricket heard it and got his proof.

Nii-chan looked disappointed as we cast off. It was his 'and I wanted to do some honest pirating for once' face. Oh. He'd probably been hoping Nami would make a plan to steal something and disappear into the night. Instead we left as heroes. Oops.

I leaned on the rail near the bow as we set out across the sea of clouds. Our log pose was pointing down now, so Conis was directing us towards the edge. Suddenly the clouds disappeared before us; I immediately began yelling instructions.

"Ace-nii, Zoro, take down the balloon! Sabo-nii, Bon-chan, Sanji, get the parachute ready and make it snappy!"

"Scra?" Golden raptor eyes looked up at me in confusion.

"No, you're fine there little guy."

"I thought Luffy was captain and Zoro was first mate," Conis whispered to Robin. The archaeologist chuckled.

"They are, but Tiger-chan is often in charge in matters of flight it seems. I'm afraid I'm not sure what she would be called."

"Pilot," Sora offered from the helm. "Where we come from the person who flies an, um, airship is called the pilot. Kay-Kay's dad was one."

We had already passed beyond the edges of the White Sea when the balloon came down. For a few glorious seconds the _Merry_ free-fell as the parachute was attached. Usopp screamed; Ghin hugged his jar of dirt. Nii-chan laughed.

"That's fun! Can we do it again?"

"Please no," Ghin whimpered.


	20. Surprise Monkey Inspection

**A/N: Aww, no SBS questions this time…So how about we do random little profile thingys of the three major OCs? Let's see, what sort of things has Oda-sensei done… Favourite colour, favourite food, favourite drink, sleeping hours, real-world jobs, hobbies, and favourite type of island are the major ones I remember. So…**

 **Bluejay: purple, fish, milk, 12-2 followed by 3-7 (so, about six hours), Science North bluecoat, writing and reading fanfiction, knitting, and playing trombone, winter**

 **Llama: purple, anything edible, apple juice, 11:30-6:30/7ish (about 6-8 hours), historian, reading and writing, autumn**

 **Sora: forest green, chocolate chip muffins, white chocolate mixed with chai tea, 10:30-6 (about 7 ½ hours), swimming instructor, reading, spring**

 **(Keep in mind that the above sleeping hours don't take into account the watch schedule; on some nights characters may get less sleep than indicated.)**

 **Also… I know this is typically the favourite filler arc. Hopefully I kept true to the things people love about it while changing things to fit the different crew.**

A thick layer of fog blanketed the sea as the _Merry_ drifted lower, so even Usopp couldn't see the water. I guided the landing as best I could by scent and sound. As we touched down though, I realized something was very wrong. Echoes were coming back hard from all directions, as if we were surrounded by a ring of stone. I limped over to Nami.

"Do you know what coordinates we're at? Roughly? And do you have a map of the area?"

Nodding, our navigator retrieved a chart and laid it down on her table. Sabo-nii looked over my shoulder as I scanned back and forth. When I saw a dead volcano on the map I groaned.

"Crap! I think I landed us there!"

Nami shrugged. "So? As soon as we can see we'll just put the balloon up and fly out."

"It's not that simple." Sabo-nii tapped the chart. His voice was still cracked and faint from his injury fighting Enel. "This is a marine base- a famously impenetrable one if I remember Gramps' stories."

"G8?" I wondered. My brother nodded.

"G8."

"Verdammt ficken Sheisse!" I slammed my head into the table. "Great, just great. The only way this could get worse would be for Gramps to show up."

I could feel Nami staring at me. "Is this base a bad one?"

"Not bad as in 'will torture us before killing' or anything similar," Sabo rasped. "The commander though, Vice-Admiral Jonathan, is one of the cleverest marines in existence. Getting out of a trap he sets is said to be impossible."

Nii-chan bounced over, followed by Ace-nii. They looked at the map, at me banging my head on the table, and at Sabo-nii's cynical expression. Ace raised an eyebrow; Luffy hopped on Sabo's shoulders and clung on like a limpet.

"What's wrong?"

"Blue landed us in a marine base run by a smart vice-admiral."

Ace-nii groaned and thumped me on the head. "Shit Blue, sometimes you're as bad as Lu."

"Take that back! I am not!"

"Who got kidnapped by a tigress? Who bit Magra and ran off into a burning city of garbage? Who decided to chase Gramps and Lu into a jungle _alone_ when they were _four_?"

"Those were all years ago and they turned out alright in the end!"

"What about Mock Town? Care to tell me how you gained anything by getting fucked over by some shit-tastic swordsman?"

I looked to Sabo-nii for support. My blond brother shook his head. "Three words Blue: brakeless Ace rockets."

Conis wandered over to stand by Nami. "I can see why you think they need a therapist."

"This isn't even the half of it."

Luffy picked his nose. "Can't we just put the balloon up again and fly away?"

"Not in this mist; we might hit the ring wall on our way out. Or I might set us down somewhere worse."

"So we wait a couple hours." Ace shrugged. "The fog looks like it'll clear soon."

"They'd shoot us then. We have to fly out at night when we're harder to see."

"But that means we have to hide all day somehow!" Ace-nii lit up like a torch, which definitely wouldn't help with said hiding.

"To hide a tree, use a forest."

I looked over at Nii-chan. "Do you even know what that means?"

"Shishishi! Nope! But it sounds cool and like it might be useful right now!"

Sabo-nii's face lit up. "He's right though… If we disguise the _Merry_ as a marine ship in for repairs…"

"But how would we disguise _us_? A marine base is gonna notice seventeen unauthorized personnel appearing out of nowhere."

Our strategy meeting was interrupted by Usopp's panicky yell from the bow. "Marine ship off the- Aw screw it, we nearly hit them with all this fog!"

"Pi- mph!" The marine lookout's yell was cut off by a kick from Sanji.

"Shut it shithead! My crap captain and his family are trying to think, which is hard enough for them already. Except little Blue-chan of course!" Aw man, our noodle-dancing cook managed to ruin his own one-liner.

Ace eyed the marine Sanji had knocked out. "He looks about my size…"

I quickly caught my eldest brother's meaning. "You'd have to wear a shirt and hide your tattoos," I warned him.

"For _one day_ to avoid landing our asses in jail. I'll deal."

Luffy nodded eagerly. "Alright then. Let's go!"

Our crew, most of whom had gathered by now, shot him odd looks. "Go do what?"

"Knock out marines and take their stuff, duh! Oh, except Usopp and Blue. You guys make the _Merry_ look marine-y."

I snapped a salute and beamed. "Aye-aye sir!"

It didn't take long- the marines on this ship were overconfident wimps and no one gave them a chance to call for backup. They weren't standard G8 troops either. One man mumbled incoherently about being an inspector of some kind as Robin took his jacket. That gave me an idea. If an inspection was expected, it was an inspection they'd get. Once the _Merry_ was sufficiently disguised the crew gathered to work on our own appearances. I hobbled over to Luffy.

"Nii-chan, can you imitate Gramps' voice as well as Dad's?"

"Bwahahahaha! Of course I can! Why?"

I jumped. That was scary. My brother frowned at me. "Don't jump like that with your leg Blue. You'll hurt it worse."

"Stop worrying so much Nii-chan; it doesn't suit you. Back to the disguise thing- can you inflate yourself somehow so you look like Gramps too? You've already got a similar face."

Luffy frowned deeper. "I'll try. But what if they notice?"

Smiling, I shrugged. "How would they? Who knows Gramps better than we do? And who would risk getting involved enough to see the differences? Even Gramps' own marines are scared of him."

"Shishishi! True!"

I turned to Bon-chan. "You have hair dye in that makeup kit?"

"Of course!" The okama twirled. "It came as samples last time I bought my conditioner! Whose hair needs dying?"

"Zoro and Coby. Their hair's really distinctive; let's cover it with brown or black or something. And we need Nii-chan's hair to be silver."

Bon-chan drooped. "Sorry Birdie. I'm afraid I don't have any silver. Most people are concerned with covering that up, not adding more."

"Dammit!" I banged my head against the mast, hoping it would help me think. Llama looked at me from where she was sorting marine hats.

"I could do it."

"Oro?"

"I could turn Captain's hair silver. My fruit is colours."

"You have a Devil Fruit?" Luffy pouted at our explosives expert. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It didn't seem important. I can't fight with it or anything." Llama shrugged. "Usopp knows though. I used it to make the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Also, I wanted to see if you'd catch me."

Sabo-nii looked pensive. "So it was you who turned my coat purple and Sanji's hair green."

"And Captain's hat purple and yellow, yes." This was the most I could remember hearing Llama say at one time, so I wasn't surprised when she immediately retreated to the girls' cabin to change into her disguise. Instead I turned to the next order of business.

"Zoro, you're gonna have to let someone else carry at least one of your swords for a while. Three blades just screams your name."

Our first mate growled. "But-!"

"No buts." Luffy stared at the Shrubbery hard. "Blue's smarter'n us. Listen to her for now- captain's orders. She's just trying to keep us from getting caught."

"Fine. But if we get into a fight I need it back." Frowning, Zoro thrust _Sandai Kitetsu_ into my hands.

Pain. It was just like back when Saga had hit me with _Shichiseiken_ \- the cursed sword burned. Except this time I was just holding the hilt and it _still_ hurt. I shoved the sword back at Zoro and took off my gloves. Raised blisters had appeared on my palms.

"I can't. If you want me to carry one, it can't be _Kitetsu_."

"Huh?" Zoro looked at my hands. "What the Hell happened?"

"Cursed weapons can hurt me." I winced. "Even though I don't normally feel pain, they burn. Apparently I can't even _touch_ the things."

Zoro frowned at his sword. " _Kitetsu_ , why'd you bite Bluejay? She wasn't trying to steal you."

Everyone stared at Zoro as he spoke to his sword. It was the first time most of them had seen it. Our first mate ignored the looks. Eventually he turned to me and shrugged. "Sorry Little Bird. He didn't mean to and he doesn't know why touching him hurts you."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Conis making notes. Of more immediate concern, however, was Sanji stepping up to me and Zoro. "Shitty swordsman, Blue-chan shouldn't carry one of your blades anyway. She's shorter than you and used to a tanto or bare hands- if she had to fight with the thing she'd trip over it."

"And who else would I let carry one of my swords? What if we _do_ need to fight disguised? Bluejay's the only one I've been teaching- we don't _have_ another swordsman!"

Our cook sighed and glared reluctantly at the deck. "I could do it."

"What?" Cue collective Straw Hat gasp.

"It's been years since I fought with a sword, but I know how. I'll be our second shitty swordsman in this gig. Just try to avoid me _actually_ having to use the thing."

Nii-chan, already upset about Llama hiding her fruit, looked devastated. "Why didn't you _tell_ me?"

Zoro snorted. "If you were trained as a swordsman, why haven't we ever seen you use one?"

Sanji huffed and lit a cigarette. "Sorry Captain. It never seemed important and I hate thinking about the shitty bastard who taught me, so I didn't bring it up. As for why I don't use one," Here Sanji blew a smoke ring at Zoro, "That crappy old cook who saved me taught that hands were for creating, not destroying. I'll never use a blade on anything but my ingredients."

Distaste showing on his face, Zoro passed _Kitetsu_ off to Sanji. "If he tries anything weird, bite him," the Shrubbery instructed the cursed sword.

 **SORA**

Well, it was certainly a bold plan. Sora tugged nervously at his collar as the Straw Hats walked right in the main doors- or rather, smashed through them behind a disguised, obnoxiously laughing Luffy. Marines snapped to attention in their wake; whispers followed them through the halls.

"Vice-Admiral Garp is here!"

"Do you think any of those are his grandkids?"

"Maybe. I think he has four- wonder which ones they are."

"I wonder what he's doing here."

Maybe he's doing the inspection?"

"Nah. Isn't it supposed to be Inspector Sheppard?"

The stares were almost as uncomfortable as the marine uniforms- both made the scar on the zoan user's neck prickle. Sora did his best to ignore this as they marched along. He wondered how Ace was managing- the firecracker hated wearing anything that covered his Straw Hat tattoo. Surprisingly well, it seemed. Aside from Luffy, all the Monkeys had fallen into the role of perfect little soldiers- and Luffy appeared to be playing another part intentionally. Coby too had an unusually good grasp of marine regulations for a pirate.

A glimmer of silver caught his eye. Sora broke off from the group for a moment to pick up a coin that had been dropped and kicked into a corner. It didn't look like an ordinary beri; maybe Robin or Nami could identify it later. He slipped the coin into his pocket as the disguised pirates continued on.

When they reached the commanding officer's door, Luffy kicked it open with an ear-shattering shout. Sora got the impression that his captain was disappointed the door merely slammed open instead of breaking.

"GOOD MORNING JONATHAN!"

"Ah, good morning Garp." The middle-aged man behind the desk inclined his head. "I must say, I wasn't expecting you. Headquarters left me under the impression that I was to be visited by an Inspector Sheppard."

"That would be me." Robin stepped forward. "I had a small problem with some pirates while on my way here; Vice-Admiral Garp kindly offered to escort me the rest of the way."

"So he'll be leaving soon?" Sora didn't understand the hope in Vice-Admiral Jonathan's voice. Surely he and this Garp person were on the same side? The zoan user knew that Luffy was supposedly impersonating the grandfather that the Monkeys feared so, but he'd thought they were scared because Garp was a high-ranking marine and they were rookie pirates. Why would another vice-admiral be afraid?

"Nope." Luffy somehow managed to look totally deadpan and serious while picking his nose. The fake facial hair probably helped. "Surprise Monkey Inspection. Gotta teach my grandkids how a marine base is supposed to be run- not like the idiots back home in East Blue."

"I see." Vice-Admiral Jonathan paled almost imperceptibly. "And which ones are your grandchildren? As much as you talk about them, I'm afraid I've never been around when you've brought pictures."

Luffy slapped Ace and Sabo heartily on the shoulders, knocking Ace so hard he almost dislodged Spade from the firecracker's pocket. The baby southbird chirped in protest. "Aysu and Sev, the twins." Luffy moved on to pat Coby on the head. "Lucy, my mini-me." Then the captain hugged Bluejay from behind, picking her up. She squawked in surprise and tried in vain to hit him. "And this is my baby girl Bluebell."

"Lovely. I look forward to seeing more of them."

The Straw Hats turned to leave and begin their "inspection." Sora, almost at the door, was about to heave a sigh of relief when Vice-Admiral Jonathan's voice made his blood freeze.

"Just one more thing. Headquarters left me under the impression that Inspector Sheppard would be a _man_."

For a moment Sora was sure they'd been caught. Then Luffy laughed and waved a hand. "You can't believe everything the guys at Marineford say- they're idiots. That's why Senny's so grumpy all the time."

"Of course." Jonathan smiled. "Good luck on your _inspection_ sir." Was it just Sora's imagination or had there been air-quotes in that sentence? Why were there air-quotes in that sentence?

 **LLAMA**

She and Robin were currently looking at maps of the G8 base, mentally marking possible hiding spots and weak points. Llama stared at the marine who was supposed to be assisting them. He gulped nervously and backed away. Excellent- now she could write things in her notebook without him seeing.

Ostensibly they were learning the layout of the base so they could assess emergency exit procedures and fire risks and such. Llama _did_ note those things, but she found the fact that the vents were large enough for maintenance workers to crawl inside much more interesting.

After some time, Kaya entered the library. She was carrying both adult den-den mushi from the _Going Merry_ \- Llama briefly wondered who had named them Snowball and Blackstar. Wasn't that like naming a telephone? The nurse strode over to Robin and Llama and placed the snails on their table. Snapping a salute, she handed Robin a piece of paper.

"Inspector Sheppard, Vice-Admiral Garp requests that you call this number immediately. Apparently it's urgent and he's otherwise occupied."

"Oh really?" Robin's eyes danced. She looked over at the marine Llama had been scaring. "Please leave us. This is a private matter."

The marine looked like he was about to protest until the three Straw Hat women glared at him. Gulping in fear, he took off. "I'll be in the washroom down the hall if you need me!"

Robin dialed the number. A low male voice answered. _"Hello?"_

"Hello. I have a note from my captain here telling me to call this number and ask for Monkey D Dad."

 _"Speaking."_ The voice chuckled. _"Might I ask which of my children's crew mates I'm speaking to?"_

"There are three of us here. I'm Nico Robin, the archaeologist. Our nurse, Kaya, and our demolitions expert, Llama, are also present."

" _I see. And why did my children ask you to call me?_ "

"A number of reasons- I'll start with the most legible. Our chronicler would like to inform you that we are currently infiltrating a marine base and he wonders if there's anything you'd like him to pick up." Llama was amazed by Robin's ability to make an act of espionage sound like grocery shopping.

" _Which Base?_ "

"G8."

" _Hmm… I don't have any agents there yet. Tell Sabo not to go out of his way, but anything he_ can _get would be appreciated._ "

Robin nodded. "Yes sir. Next, Tiger-chan would like you to know that she matches the rest of the family now, having quite the striking scar up the left side of her face. She got it from a swordsman she fought on Jaya."

Pause. " _Who was this swordsman?_ "

"Jay called him Thatch," Llama put in. "She said he had red hair and two swords."

" _Ah, I know who that is. Thank you- ?_ "

"Llama."

" _Yes, thank you Llama. It seems I need to pay Thatch's father a visit and warn_ his _children off_ mine _. Is there anything else?_ "

Robin checked the note. "Fire Fist wants you to know that Tiger-chan is dating our cabin boy and he requests your assistance in putting the fear of death into said cabin boy, as Tiger-chan has forbidden her brothers from doing anything to her boyfriend. Not in those words of course- Fire Fist's version contains a number of curse words and graphic descriptions of various torments involving fire that I felt would be prudent to leave out."

Another pause. " _This cabin boy… Tell me about him._ "

Kaya took the snail. "They're adorable together Dragon-san. Coby-san is the same age as Luffy-san, a hard worker, and very fast. He's been with the crew longer than anyone- even Zoro-san- and I'm told he used to want to be a marine before something Ace-san and Sabo-san said changed his mind. His goal is to find and fight for true justice, whatever that may be."

 _Dragon?_ Robin mouthed at Llama. The demolitions expert shrugged. It was the first time she'd heard Papa Monkey's name and she had no idea who he was or if he was important.

" _Sounds like a good kid. Tell Ace I approve of Bluejay's choices and look forward to seeing what this cabin boy does. I won't assist him in traumatizing the kid. If that doesn't get through, tell Ace I said Hell no, leave your siblings' dates alone, and he's old enough to deal with these things on his own. If he's jealous, he should get laid._ "

Llama snickered into her scarf. She could certainly hear the family resemblance- Dragon's blunt manner was like Sabo before he'd had his morning coffee. Or perhaps a more mature, slightly smarter version of Ace and Luffy.

Frowning, Robin turned the note this way and that. "The captain has a message for you too Dragon-san, but I'm afraid his writing is even harder to decipher than the poneglyphs."

" _Unfortunate. He must take after his grandfather in that regard._ "

Taking the note from Robin, Kaya squinted at it. Then she turned it upside down. "Ah! I have it Dragon-san! Luffy-san invites you to drop in for dinner anytime, as long as you don't try to steal his meat. He also complains that disguising himself as his grandfather is very uncomfortable."

" _Shehehe! So that's how you got into G8! Of course- Even Vice-Admiral Jonathan doesn't know my father well enough to_ try _… He'll probably just let you be and pray you leave soon._ "

The three Straw Hats frowned in unified confusion. "And why would that be?" Robin asked. Dragon chuckled; the den-den mushi looked like it was trying to imitate him shaking his head.

" _I can't explain it. Just wait. I'm sure you'll meet my father someday; then you'll understand._ "

 **BLUEJAY**

Finally, a chance to inflict on others the terror Gramps had instilled in us growing up! My brothers, Coby, and I made our way to the barracks to "inspect" them. The door bounced on its hinges as we burst into the first room- Luffy played a very good Garp. I only hoped that whatever Nii-chan had inflated to get himself close to Gramps' proportions would last the whole day.

The marines looked on in confused terror. Nii-chan beamed. "Bwahahahaha! Okay kids, let's get this show on the road! Sev, check the beds. I want those hospital corners as tight as Zee's bottom- if not, make 'em redo it!"

"Aye sir Gramps!" Sabo began examining the sheets, gleefully flipping any beds that weren't made perfectly. So in other words, most of them. Ace turned red and started to make faces. Of course he would; Zee was Zoro's codename. Plus Ace-nii just wouldn't like Nii-chan thinking about tight butts in general.

"Lucy, scan for contraband!"

"Aye sir!" Coby dashed around the room in a blur of blue and white, checking all the usual places. Sure enough, the men of G8 had secreted away a large number of banned books and suggestive magazines. Marines always did- except Gramps, who stashed snacks instead. A number of soldiers turned red and/or yelped in protest when my boyfriend handed the questionable reading material to Ace-nii to burn. With a match of course; he couldn't use his powers, as they were well known.

"Bluebell." Uh-oh. Luffy's eyes were glinting with mischief. I didn't want to know what he had planned; too bad I had no choice. This was my punishment for making my brother channel Gramps. "Make sure the bathrooms are in order."

Crap- literally. I'd never seen a marine who could clean a bathroom anywhere near Straw Hat standards. "No way! That's gross and I'm still hurt! Make Aysu do it!"

"Are you arguing with your grandfather? Fist of Love!"

Wham! I slammed into the floor hard enough to crack it. Did Nii-chan _have_ to hit me that hard? It was almost as bad as a real Fist of Love.

Ace-nii leapt automatically to my defence, the overprotective knucklehead. "What the shit?! Don't hit Blue you senile old geezer! Her leg's already broken from fighting that damn pirate swordsman!"

"Do you need a Fist of Love too Aysu?" Nii-chan held up one hand menacingly. Ace-nii flinched, likely having flashbacks. He'd gotten extra lumps for defending the rest of us before.

"No sir!"

Luffy didn't hit Ace- again, mostly to avoid giving him away via Devil Fruit. Although… Gramps was able to make it hurt when he punched Nii-chan. Could he punch someone made of fire too? That would be a useful skill.

One of the braver marines cleared his throat. "Excuse me sir, but we really weren't expecting-!"

"Of course you weren't!" Nii-chan waved his hand dismissively. "Nobody expects the Monkey Inquisition! That's the whole point!"

 **SORA**

"What exactly are we looking for?" the zoan user asked the chef as he pocketed an interesting button. Boy did these marines leave a lot of shiny stuff just lying around.

"The kitchen, obviously. Blue-chan said we should actually look like we're doing an inspection, so I'm gonna have a look at these shitty marine cooks."

"You know Kay-Kay's five years younger than you and already has a boyfriend, right?" Sora commented. "I don't think Coby would appreciate you twirling and going goo-goo eyes over his girl. Ace and I certainly don't." Even if age wasn't an issue, Sora much preferred his cousin with the cabin boy to the cook. They were so cute together.

"I had that conversation with the shitty fireball not long after I joined."Sanji sighed. "Sorry, but it's not exactly something I can help. Ever since I can remember I've gotten that way around any girl who's the least bit kind or attractive. My shitty brothers do it too; unlike them though, I treat ladies like the treasures they are instead of a means to an end."

"You have brothers?" On a crew like the Straw Hats that was an important detail. Sora wondered why the cook had never mentioned them before.

Sanji fingered the hilt of _Sandai Kitetsu_. "Three brothers, one sister. Don't ask- they're shitty assholes and I don't like talking about them. Haven't even seen them in years, thank the gods."

For once Sora's common sense caught up with him before his mouth did. Sanji's tone of voice said this topic was _closed_. They'd just arrived at the kitchen anyways. Pushing through the doors, they were met with the confused faces of a dozen marine cooks.

"Are you two the new chefs coming down from Mariejois?" the woman who appeared to be in charge demanded. Sora wasn't sure what all of that meant, but Sanji seemed offended so he decided to act that way too.

"Hell no! My captain's the shitty Monkey that decided an impromptu inspection was in order. We're just here to have a look around."

That made the woman bristle. "There's nothing wrong with my kitchen! Who the bloody Hell does your captain think he is, sending his lackey's down to spy on me?"

"Vice-Admiral Monkey D Garp." Sora fought to keep his face straight as he said the magic words the Monkey siblings had assured everyone would be a free pass, no matter how odd they acted. The chef lady stiffened.

"With all due respect, Garp couldn't cook his way out of a paper bag if you pre-boiled the water. There's nothing wrong with my kitchen; get _out_."

"I'm sure there's nothing wrong with your _personal_ work area Madamoiselle." Sanji produced a rose from seemingly nowhere and offered it to the marine. "However, some of the imbeciles working with you need a refresher course."

"Oh _really_?" The chef lady fiddled blatantly with her wedding ring. Sora wasn't sure Sanji got the message though. Luckily the Straw Hat cook was distracted from his flirting by the numerous other marine chefs present.

"Really. I mean, look at all that waste!" Sanji gestured to a heap of fish heads and tails that had been just shoved aside for disposal. "It's a nightmare! You're marines on the sea dammit! You never know when your base will be under siege or a supply ship will sink! A real chef would never waste food like these incompetent buffoons."

"Is that so?" Crossing her arms, the chef lady levelled a glare at Sanji. Her underlings were up in arms; she held them back with a wave of her hand. "Then please, oh great chef to the hero, show my men how it's done."

"With pleasure Madamoiselle." This was possibly the most serious Sora had ever seen Sanji around a woman- no twirling or heart eyes, and the bare minimum of flirting and flattery. "Simon, please find me some white pepper, garlic, and any bits these idiots were gonna throw away from their vegetables."

It took a moment for Sora to respond to his code name. Hopefully no one noticed. Far less was the time it took to gather various vegetable odds and ends- bits of tomato and green pepper, carrot tips, lemon rinds… Even Sora, who didn't quite have Sanji's anal streak about waste, was dismayed by some of the things that were almost thrown away.

From the looks on the marine chefs' faces, they were expecting some sort of stew. What they got was a dance with blades. Watching Sanji chop and mix with astounding speed, Sora could well believe that the cook had once been trained as a swordsman. The zoan user was caught unprepared when Sanji tossed him half a lime and a nearly empty mayonnaise jar.

"Special fish sauce please Simon. You know the one."

Yes, indeed he did. Sora was the only other Straw Hat allowed in the kitchen unsupervised, let alone allowed to help cook. Sanji had been teaching him a number of sauce, soup, and salad recipes. This one in particular was a favourite of Sabo's. It was also good at masking the taste of cucumbers to get Bluejay to eat them.

In very little time the two Straw Hats had produced an excellent fish dinner. Some of the marine chefs actually cried when they tasted it. Even the lady in charge was surprised, though she tried not to show it. Instead she confronted Sanji brusquely.

"I don't suppose you'd be willing to share any recipes for this sort of kitchen scrap cooking Mr-?"

"Sanders. Colonel Sanders. And _of course_ I'll write down a few things for you- anything to improve the shitty buffoons you're forced to work with."

 **LLAMA**

Leaving the library with Robin, Llama eyed their marine guide and idly wondered what sounds he'd make if she shoved some Sparklers down his pants. Kaya was already long gone- something about getting back to save Usopp from an overly talkative shipwright. The nurse's absence didn't seem to reassure the marine any though. He was twitching at the slightest noise and kept shooting Llama paranoid looks. Maybe he could feel her watching him?

A sweaty ensign ran up and saluted, panting. "Inspector Sheppard! Miss Ewe! You're needed down in the prison area!"

"Whatever for?" Robin's tone was even, but her arched brow indicated a threat. Llama discreetly reached for a Smokestorm behind her scarf.

"We've recently apprehended a suspicious ship that somehow entered our waters; the guards would like to know if they're the same pirates you said you had trouble with earlier."

Llama relaxed, though Robin didn't. "Lead on then. We need to inspect the cells anyway."

It was a fairly long walk, and heavily guarded. At one point they passed Nami as she interviewed a chore boy; the navigator immediately took off towards the shipyard. Llama wondered why. Maybe to get Usopp in case they needed him? He _was_ the most experienced liar.

The prison of G8 had been constructed such that there was only a single way in or out, and that path was very well watched. The presence of so many marines made Llama uncomfortable- especially the one guard who insisted on getting right in her personal space as he checked for narcotics or some such.

When they got down to the cells proper, Llama snickered. The prisoners in question were none other than the marines from whom the Straw Hats had stolen their uniforms. She spotted the real inspector bound and gagged in his own separate cell. Apparently he'd been singled out as the captain.

Robin looked at the prison guards and nodded. "Yes, this is them. Why is the captain gagged though? That's not regulation."

One guard shrugged. "He's annoying, bratty, and crazy. Kept claiming that he was the real Inspector Sheppard and Vice-Admiral Garp's grandkids had attacked him. It was giving me a headache."

"I see. Very well then."

Just then Usopp came running down the stairs, followed more sedately by Kaya. So Llama was right, Nami had gone to fetch them. "Is it true Inspector? Did they catch the dread Condoriano who dared attack us? I can't believe he had the guts to stick around after what the vice-admiral did to him."

Llama snickered at the name Usopp had come up with; Robin smiled. "Indeed Aesop, they _did_ catch… Condoriano."

Muffled yells came through the gag as the real Inspector Sheppard glared at the Straw Hats. Llama considered the merits of strangling him with her scarf, but decided against it. After all, she wouldn't want her fluffy to get dirty. A bratty marine coward wouldn't die cleanly.

The various marine guards were confused. "Condoriano? I've never seen a wanted poster for a Condoriano…"

"Neither have I."

"Maybe he's new? A rookie or a deserter?"

"Could a new guy really be a threat? He just seems pathetic and annoying…"

"Don't judge a pirate by his bounty," Kaya admonished. "After all, recent intelligence on the Straw Hat Pirates indicates that one of their most dangerous members doesn't have one at all."

"Is that true?" Several wide-eyed marines turned to Robin. She nodded.

"Yes. We've recently been given reason to believe that Straw Hat Luffy has a second older brother- one capable of crushing a lightning logia's skull with his bare hands. This brother has yet to do anything to earn the ire of the government however; therefore no bounty has yet been issued."

That earned low whistles. Llama wondered what the marines would do when they eventually learned that not only did such a brother exist, but he was the one the world had labelled as a harmless kidnap victim.

 **CAPTAIN SNAPPY**

Ma was frustrated and Snappy was no better. They were lost in the Halls of White Coats and none of his training was helping. Snappy could sniff Ma out easily enough when he wandered off, but they were _supposed_ to be heading back to Home that Floats and Flies. That should've been easy- Nose Who Lies was staying aboard to fix Home, so following his scent should've led right back. But they were currently in a hall nowhere near the docks, close to what smelled like a Land Head. Snappy was so confused.

A White Coat emerged from a nearby door and saluted; Ma clumsily returned the greeting. Snappy tried to salute too, but his arms didn't move that way.

"Cute little guy," the White Coat chuckled. Then he frowned at Ma. "Er, Commander Zee… Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I always thought Commander Boggart was Vice-Admiral Garp's right hand."

"Yeah, this isn't my normal gig." Ma yawned and stretched. "Boggart's sick right now though."

"I see. Thank you for clearing that up sir."

"No problem." Ma stroked Snappy's head as they continued their search for a way down to the docks. Snappy couldn't wait to get back to Home that Floats and Flies. Pretending to be a White Coat was boring and confusing.

 **Bluejay**

"Put your backs into it!" I roared at my charges. "Scrub like you mean it! Do you want Sev's team to be done first?"

The two chore boys cringed and mopped harder. At the other end of the hall I could see Sabo-nii subjecting his companions to similar treatment. They were, much to my annoyance, closer to the intersection than my sad excuses for chore boys were. Didn't these idiots know how to use a mop? They should; both of them were several years older than me.

I pouted and poked Coby, who had turned down his own team in favour of helping me limp along. Wide green eyes turned my way; my boyfriend cocked his head to the left. _What?_

"Go over there and slow them down?" I asked. "If A- Aysu's team is ahead of us, same for him."

"Okay." Coby kissed me on the cheek and grabbed something from a nearby supply cupboard as he ran down Sabo's hallway. When he got behind my blond brother's chore boys, he opened a can of sky blue paint and splashed it all over the floor. "Oops. Sa- Sev-san, it looks like you missed a spot."

"You little-!" Sabo-nii swiped half-heartedly at Coby as my boyfriend sped away to do the same to Ace-nii. Blue eyes glared at me, promising vengeance. "Blue, that's cheating!"

"Oh, like you wouldn't have done the same to us if you'd thought of it first."

"Very true."

A cry of outrage came from the hall at right angles to ours. A second later Coby skidded around the corner and flung himself behind me, Ace hot on his heels. My eldest brother pulled up short when he realized he couldn't get to my boyfriend without hitting me. "Blue, that's low! And mine were the slowest anyway!"

I stuck out my tongue in reply. Ace-nii was about to thump me on the head when we simultaneously realized that we hadn't seen Nii-chan recently. Luffy running off alone was never a good thing- Ace, Sabo, Coby, and I all began to sweat.

"Crap, where'd he go?" Ace bit his lip and looked around frantically, as if doing so would make Luffy simply appear. His question was answered seconds later by the terrified screams of my two chore boys as they dropped their mops and ran away down the hall. Coby grabbed me and pulled me out of the way just in time to avoid being run over by a rapidly moving rolling chair.

"This is fun!" Nii-chan kicked the ground making the chair go even faster. "You need to try this kids- I think I found the new coolest way to enter a room!" His Garp act was breaking down. Luckily, all chore boys present were too busy being scared out of their minds to notice.

 **SORA**

"I brought your lunch sir." Sora set the steaming plate on Vice-Admiral Jonathan's desk. The marine smiled, still working on his crossword.

"Thank you. You can go now."

"Actually, I can't. Your wife asked me to make sure you took a break and ate." Sora shrugged. "Plus Colonel Sanders made it and he's anal about waste. You'd better finish it sir."

"I see." The vice-admiral sighed and put his paper down. He was very slow when it came to cutting and eating the fish; Sora looked around the office as he waited. It was very plain, the only decoration of any note being a large chessboard on one table. A game was set, apparently paused partway through.

Clearing his throat, Jonathan set down his fork. "Simon, was it? I have a question for you."

"Yes sir. I'll do my best to help." Ooh, that shell was pretty. But it was right on the corner of Jonathan's desk; the vice-admiral was sure to notice if it went missing.

"How is it, working for Garp? I've had some men transferred from his division to mine before; they said he was rather… taxing."

The zoan user chuckled. "Taxing's not the half of it. The Monkey's a crazy captain- drives us all insane even when he's not making us fear for our lives. But you'll never see my name on the transfer list sir; it's a madhouse, but he's the most fun officer I could imagine."

"Yes, I've heard similar sentiments before as well. And how do you find working with Boggart?"

"Boggart?" As soon as the question left his lips, Sora knew he'd said something wrong. Jonathan smiled, eyes flashing. The zoan user gulped and grabbed the dirty dishes.

"Excuse me sir, but I've got to go." Sora left with all available speed, though he was sure that only incriminated him more. Crap. Someone was going to kill him. Whether it was Bluejay or a marine, he couldn't tell- it depended on whether his slip led to them getting caught or not.

 **LLAMA**

The guards were confused when Robin said she'd like to ask Condoriano a few questions, but led the Straw Hats to an interrogation chamber willingly enough. They were even good about letting them question the real Inspector Sheppard in private- not a single G8 officer stayed in the room. Once the door was closed, all four pirates grinned.

"Do you have anything that can force people to tell the truth?" Usopp asked Kaya. "You know, like the Germa 66 in comics always use when they're interrogating people?"

"Sadly, no." The nurse pulled out a large number of vials from various places about her person, some of which Llama wasn't sure she really wanted to think about. "I can try to make one using what I have here though. There are a number of neurotoxic combinations that may work- or they could excite his nerve and muscle systems, causing tremors, convulsions, and rigid paralysis."

"Let's find out." Llama smiled into her scarf. It turned into a grin when the bound inspector whimpered. An acrid smell filled the air; soon the demolitions expert wasn't the only one covering her nose. Usopp looked disgusted.

"Did he just-?"

"Yes, yes he did." Kaya nodded. "I may not need to antagonize his nervous system after all."

The sniper made a face. "Okay, that's pathetic. Even _I_ never piss myself when I get scared, and I get scared a lot." Usopp shifted uncertainly. "Um, don't tell the others that, okay? I don't want to worry them or anything."

Robin smiled. "Don't worry Nose-kun, we won't tell anyone. I think a few of the others might have figured it out though."

"Soo…" the sniper turned back to their prisoner. "Does he even have any information we want?"

Llama looked at Robin and shook her head. The archaeologist thought for a moment, but her answer was also negative. "I don't think so. We're not actually spies after all, whatever shady business the captain's father seems to be wrapped up in."

"Oh right, you don't know." Kaya smiled as she mixed two of her poisons. "Luffy-san, Sabo-san, Ace-san, Bluejay-san… Their father is Dragon the Revolutionary. They don't get to see him very often because if he was spotted, it might bring the entire world government down on their heads. Isn't that sad?"

There was a thud as Inspector Sheppard fainted and fell off his chair. In contrast, Robin's raised eyebrows were the only indication that the archaeologist was at all surprised by this news. "That's certainly… interesting."

Llama shrugged. She still didn't quite understand this world- especially not all this talk of world governments and revolutionaries. Just being a pirate was enough for her. Since Kaya wasn't done preparing her poisons yet, the demolitions expert pulled out her stick and worked on poking Inspector Sheppard awake. She would have to wash it later though; the wimpy marine was such a slimeball. Beside her, Usopp cocked his head to one side.

"Where do you keep that thing? At first I thought you had a strap like Sabo does for his pipe, but I don't see it anywhere."

"This?" Llama waved her stick. "In my pocket."

"Yeah right! There's no way that would fit in there!"

The tiny girl shrugged. What kind of answer was she supposed to give? A concealed weapon was the only defense someone of her size had against some adversaries; like Hell would she give up its location, even to her friends. What if someone mind-controlled Usopp to attack her or something?

 **BLUEJAY**

After thoroughly terrorizing the marine barracks, my brothers and I headed out to find somewhere else to "inspect." Our chore boy racing game had- thankfully- gotten me off the hook for cleaning marine washrooms. Coby ended up doing it instead- Sabo-nii claimed it was as punishment for helping me cheat. From the look on his face when he was done, my boyfriend was now happy he hadn't joined the marines on account of the toilets alone.

We began taking inventory of every shed and supply cupboard we came across- semi-seriously too, although we did have several mock sword fights with empty paper towel rolls. The base seemed to have a surprising number of them. Or maybe not; marines did make a lot of messes.

Vice-Admiral Jonathan came and joined us as we were entering one of the larger closets. He looked grim. "I don't know what you're doing here, but you must know you'll never get away with it."

"What're you talking about?" Nii-chan demanded. The marine sighed.

"Straw Hat, I assume? I must say, your disguises are very good, but you missed two things. One- by not disguising Pirate Hunter as Commander Boggart you aroused the suspicions of some of my officers, one of whom just got off the snail with the _real_ Vice-Admiral Garp. Two- while hiding Fire Fist's freckles worked quite well and _your_ disguise is- quite frankly- amazing, Red Talons still looks almost exactly like her bounty poster."

Luffy deflated to his normal proportions and hit me over the head. "Blue," he whined, "Why didn't you dress up better?"

"Sorry Nii-chan. I thought they'd be so focused on _you_ that no one would notice."

Jonathan looked on in amusement. "Just out of curiosity, how did you get Garp's voice and personality so close? You nearly fooled _me_."

"Shishishi! We weren't lying about being his grandkids! It's just me instead of Coby!"

My boyfriend looked at me in confusion. "Weren't you guys trying to hide that?"

"No. It just never came up with conscious marines nearby before."

Ace-nii's tattoos burst into flame, charring holes in his marine uniform. "Now you know who we really are you prob'ly wanna catch us, eh?"

"Not immediately, no. You see, I haven't rounded up the rest of your crew just yet. So for now this is a game Straw Hat- but one _I_ will win."

"And what makes you think that?" Sabo-nii smiled like a noble. "You're up against a crew of the biggest smart-asses ever to come out of East Blue, Drum Kingdom, Skypeia, and who knows where else… For every door you close, we'll just open a window."

"And what if I close all the windows?"

My blond brother grinned, blue eyes dancing. "Then we'll look in the mirror to see what we saw. We'll use the saw to cut a table in half. Two halves make a whole, so we'll climb out the hole."

"Or we could just bust a hole through the wall," Ace added.

Jonathan frowned. "I won't let you escape."

"You don't have a choice." I felt my heart go cold; my voice sounded dead. "Nii-chan's the man who'll be king of the pirates. You can't hold _us_."

"Why're Blue's eyes silver?" Sabo-nii wanted to know. Ace-nii shook his head.

"Dunno. She did this with Kureha too, back on Drum. Maybe it's an intimidation thing?"

"Not haki," Vice-Admiral Jonathan muttered. "I'm not sure _what_ that is. But does it have any _actual_ consequences for my plans?"

Sabo's eyes glinted. He elbowed Ace, then pointed at me while cocking his head to the side. My blond brother leaned most of his weight on his left leg, shifting one hand into a Dragon Claw before he stretched both arms and folded them behind his head in a relaxed and cocky motion. _Ace, what did Sora say Blue's family name was?_

"Jones," Ace-nii hissed. "Why?"

A smile was his only answer. Sabo turned to Jonathan and the smile morphed into a smirk. "Of course there are _actual_ consequences. You're a sailor, aren't you? Some of the time at least?"

"Yes."

"Well, no sailor in his right mind angers the House of Jones."

"And no human Jones would dare take to the seas," the vice-admiral countered, "Even if that story _is_ real. Not when the curse goes after them first."

Not blinking, Sabo-nii reached over to place a hand on my shoulder. "Blue, show him your left shin."

"Oro?"

"Your birthmark- show him."

I did as I was told, puzzled. The dark brown, oblong blotch on my shin was something I rarely thought about- less worthy of attention than the scars on my arm and face, less useful than the calluses on my hands. What possible importance could it have?

Jonathan raised his eyebrows as I rolled up my tights. "Is that the Black Spot? I thought it was supposed to be on her hand."

"Grab her and you'll find out," Sabo-nii challenged. Jonathan didn't take the bait. Ace-nii and Nii-chan shifted in confusion.

"What's this about Sabo?" Ace moved closer to me, hovering protectively.

"Do you remember the story of Davy Jones?"

"No."

Sabo sighed. "Davy Jones was a famous pirate who invented a great many games and military maneuvers used by pirates and marines alike to this day. He was human, but a good friend to fishmen. In protecting a fishman ally of his one day he offended a Tenryuubito witch, who cursed his entire family. Supposedly the curse spreads to those who do enough harm to a Jones too. Something about a special sword and Davy Jones' Locker- I don't remember that part." My blond brother shrugged and finished the story. "Anyway, the fishman was grateful for what Davy had done and felt bad about all the grief the curse would cause, so he took the name Jones too, honouring Davy's sacrifice and welcoming him into his family. That's why there are both fishman and human Joneses, but only the human ones are cursed."

"But Blue's- mph!" Ace covered Luffy's mouth before Nii-chan could give anything away to Vice-Admiral Jonathan. Luffy grumbled and rolled his eyes, waving his hands rapidly and stretching to poke me while elbowing Ace in the ribs. _But if Blue's from another world, she can't be cursed anyway! How'd that work?_

The rest of us shrugged in unison. I wondered if this could have something to do with me being unable to touch cursed swords. But Nii-chan was right- how could a curse from this world affect me if I was born in a different one?

Jonathan drew himself up to his full height. "Jones or not, I _will_ catch you. You cannot defeat me at a game on my home field."

I grinned darkly, the cold still filling my chest. "Just watch us."

"Oh really? And how do you propose to warn yo-?"

Nii-chan took a deep breath, almost as if preparing for a Gomu-Gomu no Balloon. The bellow he let out seconds later shook the entire base. "Guys, they found out! Get to the _Merry_ and raise the balloon!"

That momentarily stunned the vice-admiral. "Balloon? What could a balloon possibly do?"

"Kyokaen!" Ace-nii raised a wall of fire between us and Jonathan. We took off down the hall as the marine cursed.

I couldn't run with my cast, so after a few steps Ace-nii picked me up and carried me piggyback. Seconds later Coby nearly ran into our first mate as we rounded a corner. "Zoro-san, you're going the wrong way!"

"But Captain Snappy took off this way!"

Luffy grabbed the raptor under one arm and wrapped the other around Zoro's wrist. "No getting lost this time!" he admonished, "We gotta move!"

The six of us (seven if you count Captain Snappy) moved quickly through the halls. We somehow ended up at Vice-Admiral Jonathan's office after accidentally letting Zoro take the lead for a few seconds. As the marine wasn't there, Sabo-nii wanted to take a quick look around.

Nii-chan tapped his foot impatiently. "Come _on_ Sabo! We gotta go!"

"Just a minute Lu." My blond brother dug through a filing cabinet. "I'm getting a present for Dad."

"Just bring the whole thing!" Ace-nii snapped impatiently. Sabo chuckled.

"What happened to the angry little bastard who'd pick a fight with anybody and never ran away?"

"He wasn't carrying his _wounded baby sister_ on his back. Let's _move_."

"Fine. But this puts me out if we need to fight." Sabo closed the filing cabinet and picked it up.

Just in time too. Marines appeared at both ends of the hall, boxing us in. Zoro prepared to fight, cursing that he only had two of his swords. Then Coby shook his head.

"There's too many of them Zoro-san. We'll never get out with Ace-san and Sabo-san unable to fight."

"Do you have any better ideas?"

My boyfriend was momentarily taken aback by the Shrubbery's snapping. Coby frowned determinedly. "Actually… Yes. Put your swords away Zoro-san, and run straight towards the marines on the left. Everyone else… Follow Zoro-san as closely as possible."

I had no idea what good Coby thought that would do. Still, as I wasn't walking at the time I didn't get a say in the matter. Zoro shrugged and did as he was told, my brothers taking off after him- Captain Snappy still tucked under Luffy's arm like a scaly football. Coby brought up the rear. I bounced along on Ace-nii's back as we headed straight for the marines…

And suddenly ended up on a bridge somehow. There were still marines around, but only in one direction, and they looked surprised to see us. We rushed off the other way. This time Coby took the lead.

Below and off to one side I could see the dock where we'd left the _Merry_. The rest of our crew had fought their way to her already. Instead of casting off though, they were arguing.

"Luffy told us to get to the _Merry_ and raise the balloon!" Usopp's arms were waving in agitation. Ghin and Sora blocked our sniper from the mooring lines with tonfa and wings.

"I told you, we're not leaving without the Dons. Besides, we need the Donna to fly. She knows the air like Nami knows the seas."

"Nami knows the wind and things too! And if Luffy told us to go, Sabo must have a plan to get them out!"

"A plan that might not work! Most of you are just kids, you don't understand. Crazy plans aren't always the answer. But the Dons would wait for us, so we're waiting for them." Ghin glared. Sora nodded in agreement.

Luffy, also hearing the argument, giggled. "Silly Ghin and Usopp! They don't even know who's the boss right now!"

Coby looked at Nii-chan curiously. "What do you mean?"

"I'm the captain, so I'm in charge. Next comes Zoro, then Sabo, Ace, Blue…"

"But how does that help? You're _all_ up here!"

"Saa, that's true, but Nami's next. Duh."

As if on cue, from down below came the sound of Nami slapping Usopp and Ghin upside the head. "That's enough out of both of you! Ghin, we're getting out of here _now_ before more marines come. We're not leaving the others behind though; we're going to get them. I see them up on that bridge. Usopp, get the balloon up! Sora, untie us and take the helm! Bring us as close as you can; I'm sure the idiots can do the rest."

Every marine in sight stopped and stared as the balloon inflated and the _Merry_ rose into the air. Sora undid the mooring lines _as_ she ascended, flying back aboard in a slip of rainbow. As soon as my cousin took the helm, our ship turned and rumbled towards the bridge where we latecomers were standing. Everyone eyed the distance carefully.

"Even carrying Blue I'm pretty sure I can make that," Ace-nii decided. "Sabo?"

"Same. If I'm short I can always abandon the files and use them for a boost."

Captain Snappy chirped indignantly; Coby squirmed. "Um, what abou-?"

A rubber arm wrapped around our cabin boy, swordsman, and raptor. Nii-chan's other hand reached out to the rail of the _Merry_. "Gomu-Gomu no Rocket!"

I held tight to Ace's shoulders as he leapt across behind the screaming missile. For a moment I was worried that we wouldn't make it, that we'd fall the many meters into the ocean below. Then heavy boots hit a wooden deck, Sabo's lighter steps right beside us. My blond brother was even still carrying the filing cabinet.

"They're aiming cannon at us!" Usopp yelled, his binoculars practically glued to his eyes.

Dropping off Ace-nii's back, I hobbled to the rail for a look. Crap. That was a _lot_ of cannon- the entire ring wall of the old volcano was full of them. We had one advantage though. Our flight. None of those cannon were positioned properly to deal with an aerial intrusion. If we could get high enough, fast enough…

"Sabo-nii, can we raise the bow twenty degrees?"

"No idea. Maybe if we shift all the cargo to the stern?"

"Nah, that'll take too long. What about with Nami's clima-tact?"

"She can't make a wind that strong. And if you're trying what I think you're trying, we need Ace at the stern…"

Conis looked at us oddly. As if we were the ones being weird- she was still wearing a marine nurse's smock. "I'm not entirely sure what the two of you are talking about, but would wind dials help? There's a number in the crate below labelled 'Blue's Shell Collection' that are still in working condition."

"Maybe… One on each side of the bow?"

"Worth a try. If Zoro and Ghin hold them over the rails pointing straight down…"

"What if they drop them?"

"Those two are the ones _least_ likely to drop a weapon."

"Ghin's fear of heights though…"

"Right. Maybe if Bon-chan takes Zoro form? We don't need fighting techniques here, just strength."

"That'll be creepy, but it might work. Let's get going."

Sabo and I turned to explain the plan to the rest of the crew. Everyone was staring at us- except Ace and Luffy, who were picking their noses. Usopp leaned over to whisper to Kaya. "Can you even tell which one said what?"

"No, no I cannot. It's truly remarkable… Conis-san, have you ever seen anything like this in your studies?"

"Not that I can remember. Are all siblings on the Blue Sea like this?"

Sanji shook his head vehemently. "Not even close."

By having what amounted to two Zoros holding the largest wind dials we could find, we were able to raise the _Merry_ 's bow. And not a moment too soon; the first cannonball whizzed by just under it. Ace-nii stood ready at the stern as everyone grabbed the rails tightly.

"Now?"

"Now!"

Whoosh! A torrent of flames thrust the _Merry_ forwards- and due to our raised bow, up. Cannon fire tore through the air, but it was all well below us. And soon enough, behind us. By the time we levelled the _Merry_ out, we were well away from G8.

Relieved of bow-thruster duty, Bon-chan turned back to normal and did a little victory dance around the deck. At some point he picked up Chopper and made the little reindeer join him. The real Zoro, meanwhile, stomped over to Sanji.

"Oi, Love Cook, I want _Kitetsu_ back now."

"For once, I'm not arguing." Our chef shoved the cursed blade back into our swordsman's possession so quickly I almost wondered if _Kitetsu_ had burned _his_ hands.

 **A/N: So, for all the people who wondered at the beginning when Blue was getting a fruit and what it was going to be… Now you see why she'd not getting one. I decided to take the route of playing into the mythology of my family name instead- altered to fit the One Piece world of course. Adding a Devil Fruit on top of the Curse of Davy Jones just didn't feel right.**


	21. Betting on Family

**A/N: So… I couldn't remember how the Davy Back and Long Ring Island arcs interacted, so I just split them into two arcs. Sorry.**

 **SBS question corner… Not sure this counts, but let's go for it T-Biggz asked about my management of the expanding crew and whether I'm accepting new OCs. Yes, managing the expanded crew is difficult sometimes. I forgot about Chopper last chapter until the end as well as Ghin; people just didn't notice because their memory automatically filled in with what Chopper did in the canon episodes. Isn't the human mind a wonderful thing? As for new OCs… No, I won't be taking any more of those. Three writers is enough for now. I suppose I should clarify though: Sora (played by Tetsik) and Llama are not based on actual relatives. Tetsik and I decided that having Sora as Bluejay's cousin made sense character- and plot-wise with what we wanted to do- in reality he's something of a sworn brother, similar to Ace and Luffy; Llama, meanwhile, is one of my best friends. There will indeed be characters based on other family members showing up in later arcs, but not as members of the crew. After all, expanding the Straw Hats means also expanding the marines and other major groups as well. Otherwise the crew would steamroll everyone through sheer numbers.**

A foul smell filled the tiny closet we used as an infirmary. I gagged. "Does this always happen?"

"It's from the buildup of dead skin cells and such starting to decay under the cast. _Of course_ it always happens."

I made a face at Chopper. "First time I've ever been glad Sabo-nii and Nami insist on everyone taking regular baths then." Flexing my newly-freed leg, I stood. "Am I good to go?"

"Not just yet! You may heal faster than any other normal human I've treated-except Zoro- but that doesn't mean you can just start running around! Your leg was in a cast for almost two weeks- you'll probably experience stiffness and weakness for a day or two at least. I know this goes against your nature, but _please_ try not to do anything that might strain it."

"You worry too much Choppy." I ruffled the reindeer's fur. He glared cutely at me.

"I'm the doctor! It's my job to worry about things like this!"

Moving swiftly, I left the infirmary before Chopper got it into his head to ask Kaya to sedate me. I did _not_ want to be party to our nurse/poisoner's latest batch of experiments. Some of the things she'd been trying in the weeks since we'd come down from Skypeia had downright nasty side effects.

"Nii-chan, I'm free!" Racing across the deck, I used Ghin as a springboard to launch myself into a flying tackle, knocking my brother flat. Our tattoo artist- who'd been working on designs for Llama and Conis- let out a resigned sigh.

"Yeah, I guess the quiet was too good to last." Ghin brushed one hand against his jar of dirt. "Oh well… The Donna wouldn't be the Donna if she wasn't as crazy as the rest of them."

"Yay! Blue's all better!" Luffy wasted no time in pinning me to the deck with his rubbery limbs. His face took on a mock-serious expression. "Blue's got some hard work ahead- you lost a month of training! Almost as bad as when you were sick three years ago."

"Bring it on! I'm ready!"

My words immediately triggered a violent sparring match, which eventually dissolved into a ship-wide brawl. Things only broke up when Llama got too excited and threw one of her explosives at Sanji. Ace-nii intercepted, kicking the bomb into the sea.

"Oi! No lethal force during training!"

"Wasn't lethal," Llama muttered, "Just a Green Star."

"Oh. Sorry, couldn't tell. You really need to make 'em look different- no one else can tell anything but your Sparklers."

"Okay."

Conis, sitting on Usopp's back with her bazooka pressed to his buttocks, looked confused. "Is it just me or does this crew have a different definition of 'lethal force' than most? I was under the impression that explosives involving corrosive smoke were _very_ lethal."

"Up until recently, so was I." Nami pushed herself up wit her clima-tact. Robin, who'd knocked her down, smiled apologetically. "But the training we do together… It's about more than strength and speed. I wouldn't be surprised if some of us _could_ shrug off a Green Star or some of Kaya's milder toxins."

"How do you know you don't every morning?" Kaya smiled sweetly. Everyone took a step back; Sanji huffed.

"Relax. I wouldn't let even a lady like Kaya-swan slip any of her experiments into the food."

Usopp had a fit once Conis let him up. "Gods above and below Sabo! I just fixed the galley wall yesterday! How'd you manage to put another hole in it?"

"Sorry. Ace has a hard head."

"Actually," Zoro offered, "I was the one you put through the galley wall. You threw Ace down into the hold."

"Oh. Huh, I was sure it was the other way around."

Groaning, Usopp tore at his hair. "It doesn't matter whose thick head it was! What matters is that I'm running out of lumber! Stop making so many holes!"

Conis rubbed our sniper's back with one hand. "Deep breaths Usopp. Stressing out and giving yourself high blood pressure won't help."

"Maybe, but keeping calm doesn't get us more lumber either." Usopp sighed. "Please tell me we'll be getting to an island soon. A nice peaceful, quiet one preferably, so I can get some shopping done."

Nami checked a map. "We should be getting to one tomorrow. I've got no idea what it'll be like though; it doesn't even have a name."

"Is there at least a town?" Usopp asked hopefully. Nami shook her head.

"Not that I can see, although this chart _is_ a little out of date. There's a forest though, so we can always make our own lumber."

"I guess that'll do."

Zoro smiled and tugged on my ponytail. "Good. Little Bird can get some decent sword training done."

"You want me to cut down trees… with my tanto?" I stared at our swordsman in disbelief. Zoro shrugged.

"To try anyway. I don't really expect you to manage the first time- took me til I was sixteen."

"Now I've gotta do it before then just to spite you."

Ace bounced over to ruffle my hair. "Aw, Blue's mad at Zoro. Sabo, who's cuter when they're mad- Lu or Blue?"

"Well, I suppose that depends _why_ they're angry. I personally find them both adorable, but they can be a _little_ scary sometimes if the crew is threatened."

"Nii-chan's the cute one," I pouted. Ace-nii just ruffled my hair more and picked me up.

"Aw Blue, he's not the onl- Hey! Ow! Stop biting me!" Ace waved his arm a little, but I was holding on with both hands and teeth. He couldn't get me off. Zoro chuckled.

"Why not just go intangible and let her fall off?"

That earned our first mate two kicks in the head from Sanji and Bon-chan. "Shitty Marimo! Ace may be a brute, but he'd never risk burning his own sister's face!"

"I have to agree. Flare-boy loves Birdie too much to hurt her like that."

Ace-nii continued to wave the arm I'd attached myself to. "Will you guys please just quit arguing and get her off of me?!"

 **xXx**

The island was something of a disappointment when we got to it- just a massive hill of granite covered in pine trees and blueberries. Well, the blueberries weren't a disappointment. They were delicious. The image of an older lady with dark hair flashed through my head as I ate a handful.

"Come on Sora!" I didn't know why, but something urged me to grab my cousin and take off into the trees. Sora smiled.

"Just like when we were little, eh?"

"Oro?"

"Grandma used to drag us out to pick blueberries all the time- though we ate more than we picked. Did you remember something?"

"I dunno. Maybe." I quickly busied myself with filling my bucket with blueberries. Sanji could probably make a great pie or something with them. As for the memories… I tried not to think about them. I'd spent ten years not knowing who I was or where I came from- it was who I was now that was important.

Sora was distracted before he could press me further; he'd uncovered a large, shimmering mussel shell beneath a bush. Soon my cousin was collecting almost as many shells as berries, slipping them into his pockets with an absentmindedness that made me wonder if he even knew he was doing it. They _were_ pretty shells though. Very shiny. The sheer number of them made me wonder if this island had a lot of raccoons or fishing bears. Our blueberry patch was practically a garbage dump of these shells.

Returning from the woods with full buckets (and in Sora's case, pockets) my cousin and I were met with an unusual sight. An enormous ship with a fox figurehead had the _Merry_ pinned against the shore. As we approached, Zor shot me a look that promised pain for skipping sword training. Oops.

A chubby man with oddly split hair came ashore, followed by a very large, mismatched crew. Except for the leader, they all wore black domino masks. Wiping his nose on the back of one hand, the split-haired captain pointed at Luffy in a way that managed to be both dramatic and pathetic.

"Straw Hat! I challenge you to a Davy Back Tournament!"

"Huh?" My brother cocked his head to one side. "Who're you?"

"You… You haven't heard of me?" The strange captain deflated.

"Nope."

"Don't worry boss," a girl with teal hair crooned. "I'm sure it's just cause they're backwater losers from the East Blue."

"Naturally!" Perking up, Split-Hair struck a pose. "I'm Silver Fox Foxy, captain of the Foxy Pirates! And like I said Straw Hat, I challenge you to a Davy Back tournament!"

"Okay…" Nii-chan picked his nose. "What's a Davy Back Tournament?"

It was Robin who answered- I don't think anyone else on our crew could have. I certainly didn't know what a Davy Back Tournament was. "Long ago there was a hidden island that was considered a pirate's paradise. During his stay there Davy Jones invented a series of rules and games for pirate crews to play that wouldn't draw the attention of the navy the way battles would. Generally, in a Davy Back Tournament the crew that loses each game must give up a crew member to the winner- the winning crew picks who they want to join them."

"And what if someone refuses to switch crews?" Ghin asked, arms folded. Robin shook her head.

"Then he is dishonoured. Pirates everywhere will know him as a breaker of the Code and none will ever take him on their crew again."

That made Ghin pale. Nii-chan stretched to pat his shoulder. "Don't worry, we'd always take you back! We like Ghin!"

Zoro nodded. "We're not about to punish anyone for staying loyal."

"The Code is more like guidelines than actual rules anyway," Sabo-nii added.

With our tattoo artist successfully reassured, Luffy turned back to Robin. "Can we just say no? I don't wanna risk losing anyone."

"I'm afraid if we refuse we'll get a reputation as cowards. Other crews might not be keen to deal with us in the future."

"Even Shanks?"

"Possibly. I never met him, but from I've heard Red Hair is quite enamoured with both games and honour."

"He is." Nii-chan frowned. "Okay… How do the rules work? Do they change if there's a Jones around?"

"No Captain. That would be unfair."

Foxy's eyes widened; he licked his lips. "A Jones? You have a _human_ Jones on your crew?"

Nii-chan nodded. "Yeah, but you can't have Blue- she's _my_ baby sister."

"Ah, but if I win her… Which one is your sister?"

"Not telling." Luffy glared.

I glared at Foxy too. Like Hells he'd separate me from my family! Why would he even want to? As far as he knew, I was cursed. Unless there was something more to the story than Sabo-nii knew. I took a deep breath. It didn't matter- we would win these games anyway. Not that I thought any of Foxy's crew looked like Straw Hat material. Actually, they looked more like toadying kiss-ups than anything else. What would we even do with one of those? Use him for target practice? Give him to Gramps as a birthday present?

Foxy pulled out a jingling pouch. "What'll it be Straw Hat? One coin, two, or three?"

Nii-chan folded his arms. "Sabo, what's three threes?"

"Nine."

"Then we're doing nine. If we're gonna do this, we're going all the way."

Foxy's teal-haired girl frowned. "Can they do that?"

"There's nothing in the rules against it." Robin had pulled a massive book from somewhere, titled _The Complete Guide to Rules and Regulations of Davy Back Games_.

Foxy's eyes went wide. He hid his surprise quickly though, a sly look crossing his face. The split-head was plotting something, though I couldn't tell what. The teal-haired girl tugged at Foxy's clothes. "Can we take the little reindeer Foxy? He's so cute!"

"Yes, yes Porche. We have to make sure to get the Jones too; try to figure out which one she is."

The Foxy Pirates busied themselves setting up a wheel-of-fortune type deal- apparently which games we played had to be chosen randomly. As they were doing this I edged over to Sabo-nii. "I thought a silver fox was supposed to be an _attractive_ older man. Why'd the marines call him that when he's all dumpy and weird looking?"

Sabo snickered. "Either one of the higher ups enjoys irony, or the marines are even dumber than we thought."

I think Foxy heard us, because he deflated in a corner. Porche spent the next few minutes stroking his ego so he would be ready to perform when the games started.

The first event spun was called the Ball Game, where two players from each crew tried to get each other's balls into hoops at either end of the field. Only, one of the players _was_ the ball. Foxy's crew provided the referee, as we Straw Hats didn't have anyone familiar enough with the Davy Back rules.

Nii-chan chose Sanji to be our ball and Zoro to be the other player. This didn't seem like the best idea to me; those two were more likely to compete with each other than against the other team. Plus, Zoro wasn't allowed to use his swords, which cut down his abilities significantly.

The other team cheated too, which would never occur to Zoro. The gigantic men Foxy had in this game pulled weapons whenever the referee had his back turned- which happened whenever it would benefit Foxy's team to have the referee ignore them. Our chef and swordsman nearly got knocked off the field several times, which would've resulted in them being disqualified. One of Foxy's non-participant crew mates was also moving the scoring ring any time Zoro and Sanji actually managed to get close to pushing the giant ball in. Sadly, this only happened once.

"What's wrong shitty Marimo?" Sanji taunted as Zoro pushed ineffectually on one giant leg. "I thought you were supposed to be one of the strong ones. Or are those huge weights just for show?"

"Like you could do any better!"

Sanji's response was to jump up and kick the giant as hard as he could in the back of the head. That actually stunned Foxy's player enough for Zoro to shove him over- at least, until another Fox moved the scoring ring and Sanji landed on Zoro's back. This triggered a brief bout of bickering between our cook and first mate. Seconds later the pair were hit by a giant mace and both flung into the ring at the other end.

Needless to say, our team lost. The Foxy Pirates took Chopper, much to Porche's delight. The poor little doctor stared forlornly at us from his new crew mate's lap. His domino mask was askew as he held back tears. Zoro rubbed his head and looked over at Chopper.

"Don't cry Chopper. We'll get you back, and if we don't, you need to learn to serve your new crew with pride."

"Okay." Chopper sniffled and bit his lip.

The next event was a game called Hit and Dead Ball. As soon as it was described, Sora muttered something about dodgeball. I looked at my cousin in confusion as he rubbed the scar on his neck.

"I've played a game similar to this before," Sora explained. "It was called dodgeball."

 **SORA**

He wasn't sure why he'd mentioned that- or at least without informing people he hadn't been very _good_ at dodgeball. Sora glanced at Coby and Luffy beside him as he prepared to face the bouncing red rubber ball of doom. Llama and Usopp were behind him, rounding out the roster with their talents for throwing things and getting out of the way.

The first throw came for his face, as the zoan user had half-expected. That's how things had always happened in high school. Unlike then however, Sora was able to duck out of the way just before eating rubber. He grabbed the ball with his tail and flung it back, missing every single Foxy Pirate. Llama shook her head.

" _Men_ … Let me."

When next the ball came to their side, Coby grabbed it as it flew over Luffy's head. The cabin boy handed the ball to the explosives expert, who promptly took out Porche by flinging the ball into her stomach. This prompted cheers from the Straw Hats and rage from the Foxes. Their response…

"No way that's fair!" Sora squawked, racing out of the way as a hail of balls rained down upon the Straw Hat team. Foxy and friends had some sort of giant dodgeball cannon. Even Coby and Luffy, pinnacles of speed and flexibility, were having a hard time dodging. No one was knocked out, but it was a near thing. And then the cannon stopped. It was out of ammo. All the balls were now on the Straw Hat side. Llama and Usopp grinned darkly.

"Usopp Rubber Balls of Doom!"

"Red Rain!"

The Foxy Pirates avoided the barrage by hiding in their tank. Once Straw Hat ammo was exhausted the high speed barrage of red rubber commenced again. This time Straw Hats were knocked out one by one until only Luffy was left. Sora's own exit from the ring was courtesy of a punishing strike to the face. Of course. The zoan user's nose started to bleed.

"Get them Captain Luffy! You can do it!" Sora could see Chopper itching to come over and examine his nose. He waved a hand to show the reindeer he would be alright for now.

If Luffy could catch a ball, someone else would be able to join back in. Llama was the best choice, as the balls required throwing just like her bombs. Sora bit his lip as a ball flew towards Luffy's head. The captain's hands rose… And missed. The ball slammed into a rubber mouth instead. Stunned, Luffy automatically swallowed the thing in his mouth. The referee immediately called a foul.

"What the Hell?!" Nami shrieked. "How can that be a foul? No way would anyone think to rule out _eating_ the ball! No one but Luffy would be dumb enough to _do_ that!"

"Actually…" Robin looked up from the rulebook. "Someone _did_ think to rule against it. The very last rule in the Hit and Dead Ball section is that you mustn't eat the ball. I'm sorry I was too late to warn you; it's a rather thick book."

"Gah!" Nami tore her hair.

Foxy's crew chose Kaya next, apparently hoping she was the Jones. Sora wondered why being a Jones was so important in this world- was there the same mythology here as back home? If so, he was kind of glad he was related to Bluejay through their mothers; the Jones curse seemed a lot less like harmless superstition on the backdrop of this crazy, wonderful place.

"So sorry Foxy-taicho, but you picked the wrong girl." Kaya smiled sweetly and went to sit by Chopper. Sora saw a shudder run up Foxy's spine at the nurse's expression.

 **BLUEJAY**

I laughed as the wheel spun to a halt for the third time. Eating contest. Our entire crew grinned; Ace-nii slapped Nii-chan on the back. "Looks like it's up to you this time Lu."

"Shishishishi! Yep!"

Sanji assisted the Fox cook in preparing for the competition, smiling grimly as he cooked. The Foxy pirates' eyes went wide as our chef prepared endless piles of meat- he actually roped Sabo-nii, Usopp, and I into catching a couple of sea kings. Even Foxy's entrant- a giant of a man who looked like eating was his reason for living- looked worried.

"Uh… You sure we're gonna need that much Blondie?"

Sanji shrugged and blew a smoke ring. "It's getting close to lunch time. May as well be prepared."

My rubber brother totalled his opponent in short order. Nii-chan's rubber stomach was even more endless than a typical D- Dadan always said he had to have the metabolism of a rabid squirrel to still be as skinny as he was. Crumbs flew everywhere as Luffy devoured grilled sea king as if Ace was trying to steal it from him. He continued eating even after Foxy's man had given up with a groan.

"What kind of monster are you?" the larger man asked. Nii-chan swallowed the meat in his mouth and cocked his head to one side.

"Huh? Whaddya mean? I'm just hungry." His opponent fainted after my brother's innocent question. Luffy licked his lips and waved one hand above his head. "Oh yeah! Chopper, get back here!"

The reindeer hopped off Porche's lap and trotted over as fast as his little hooves could carry him. I scooped our doctor up and cuddled him, sticking my tongue out at the teal-haired girl. She pouted and huffed, turning away.

When the wheel spun shot put as the next event, our crew was hit with a wave of confusion. Who did we send in- Ace-nii for strength? Llama for throwing abilities? In the end we chose my eldest brother. His opponent was one of the same giants from the Ball Game. If Foxy had played fair this wouldn't have been an issue; in proportion to his size, Ace-nii was far stronger than any giant. But the giant wasn't using a giant-sized shot. No, he grabbed the one that was sized for normal people, leaving Ace-nii to throw what amounted to a cast iron boulder.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Ace ground out as his turn came. I bit my lip, watching his muscles strain as he lifted the ball. I'd never seen something that took my brother so much effort to pick up before.

Ace-nii heaved the massive thing into the air with a loud grunt, almost falling on his face as the weight left his hands. Dull metal flew almost a hundred meters. It landed with a mighty crash, making the whole island shake. My eldest brother smirked. Then his giant opponent whipped the tiny, normal person shot over the horizon and Ace's jaw dropped. Foxy laughed obnoxiously.

"You, orange-haired girl! You're mine now!"

Nami sighed and shook her head, walking over to the Foxes' side of the island. The navigator shot a glare at Nii-chan as she put on her domino mask. "Nope, I'm not the Jones. Luffy… Fix this."

"Yosh! Don't worry Nami, we'll save you and Kaya!"

The next spin made me cock my head to the side in confusion. Guitar Hero…? Was someone supposed to save a guitar from something? Porche stepped up to the plate wit a grin, a random goon handing her a red and white instrument. "Yay! Look Foxy, it's my turn!"

"Have fun Honey." Foxy didn't look nearly as enthusiastic.

Folding his arms, Nii-chan pouted. "Wish we had a musician… Blue, you can sing. You do it."

"Oro? Me? Oh no, bad idea! Very bad idea!" I didn't know a thing about playing guitar. One of the Foxy Pirates handed me a worn old wooden instrument with fraying strings. I gulped. This was _not_ going to go well.

Porche started, reeling off a fast-paced song that was impossible not to want to dance to. It was in a language I vaguely recognized but didn't understand. Even a few Straw Hats were clapping by the end- especially Sanji, who had hearts in his eyes and was noodle dancing. Of course, that was probably because the singer was a woman.

When my turn came, my fingers trembled. I strummed tentatively, not sure what to do with my other hand to make different sounds. One string broke. Foxy's pirates started laughing at me. I glared and flung the old guitar down; it bounced off a rock and broke in two. Sabo-nii came over and stroked my hair.

"It's okay Blue. You don't have to be good at everything."

"But you and Ace-nii are!" I scowled at the ground, refusing to cry. "I bet you would've been able to do it fine! Now we're gonna lose someone else and it's all my fault!"

Sabo shook his head. "That's where you're wrong. I can't play an instrument either. At least you tried."

"Trying isn't good enough!" I turned my back on my brother and hid by a large pine tree. As soon as I was sure no one could see my face, the tears came.

Foxy took Robin for my failure. The archaeologist frowned at her new captain as she put on her mask. "Silver Fox… How will the Straw Hats know what to do if they don't have me to read them the rules?"

"I'm sure they can muddle along somehow, miss-?"

"Nico Robin. I'm afraid you guessed wrong again." Robin smiled as Foxy kicked the ground.

 **SORA**

A clicking noise sounded as the wheel stopped at parkour obstacle course. The Foxy pirates set up quickly- they had a number of prefabricated walls and rails stored on their ship. Sora sighed. These cheaters were prepared for everything, weren't they? He was willing to bet that parts of the course were trapped, ready to send Sabo or whoever else ran it flying backwards while the Foxes- who would know where all the triggers were- sailed on through.

Then leather glove patted him on the back. The zoan user looked around in surprise, meeting Sabo's smug grin with a puzzled frown. Blue eyes twinkled as the gentleman waved a book around- Robin's book of rules. "Flying isn't a foul," Sabo said quietly.

"Wha-? Oh. _Oh_." Sora grinned and spread his wings. The young girl who settled at the starting line beside him gulped.

A gun fired; Sora took off. As the girl scrambled, climbed, and vaulted below him, the zoan user shot forwards like a missile. His wings screamed in pain from the abuse- they still weren't all that strong, no matter how much he practiced. Still, he didn't want the Foxes to have time to think of a way to cheat on this one.

Shooting over the finish line, Sora continued through the air for a good while, unable to slow down. He finally stopped when his left foot got caught in the branches of a pine tree; his momentum meant that the rest of his body kept going, swinging forwards and around until he ploughed face-first into the tree's trunk. Ouch. Sora gritted his teeth and tried not to think about the bark patterns bruised onto his face as he pulled himself up to untangle his foot. By the time the zoan user got to the ground, the rest of the Straw Hats were cheering.

Nami whipped off her domino mask and raced over before any names could be called. The navigator flung her arms roughly around Sora's neck from behind, choking him. Luffy giggled and patted her back as the zoan user tried to extricate himself.

"Shishishi! I told you not to worry Nami!"

"I wasn't worried." The navigator smiled. "Not this time."

"Good. So… Maybe you should let go of Sora now, ne? I thought he was supposed to be a rainbow serpent, not a purple one."

Nami's surprisingly strong arms unwound from Sora's throat. He gasped and stumbled forwards. "Air!"

"Oh, suck it up you big baby." Nami hit him, although not as hard as he'd seen her hit Luffy in the past. "But thanks… For winning me back. I have _issues_ with other pirates… This crew- I couldn't stand being forced to be part of another."

"It's nothing." Sora massaged his neck. "I'd never let someone split our family apart if I could help it. I know I'm not as strong as Captain Luffy, but…"

 **LLAMA**

As soon as she saw the wheel stop, she knew this was an event for her. Llama tugged gently on the back of Luffy's vest. She was about to make her request when she was blinded by a brilliant grin. "Shishishi! Of course you can play! Llama's best at making things go boom!"

Her heart fluttered warmly. The tiny demolitions expert smiled into her scarf as she sat down across from her opponent. This was her family, the only place in a long while she'd felt like she belonged. If Foxy thought he could break that up, he had another thing coming. Especially when the game was Exploding Snap; Llama wasn't sure what that was, but if it had explosions in it, it was right up her alley.

It turned out that it was an extreme version of card matching. Each card had an explosive or corrosive compound in a pouch on the back. Only by mixing the compounds from the two matching cards could you neutralize both and prevent personal injury. Mixing the wrong compounds generally caused the cards to blow up in your face. Fascinating. Llama wondered if she could rig something like that.

She wordlessly indicated for her opponent to go first. He did, managing to flip and mix a matched pair on his first try. Llama's eyes narrowed. Nobody's luck was that good, except maybe the four silly siblings who led her crew. This man was cheating somehow. That was okay though; she could cheat too. That's the thing about reactive compounds: each one smells just a little different. And Llama was oh so good at identifying chemicals by smell. She flipped matching pictured of southbirds.

The game went on in this way for a while, with both sides flipping matches every turn and no explosions. Then, with only four pair left, Llama saw them. Her opponent knew which cards were which because of little symbols drawn on the corners. The tiny demolitions expert dipped her fingers in rubbing alcohol behind her scarf. As she picked up her next pair, she carefully smudged all the Foxes' cheating marks.

Her opponent looked confused and frightened right away. Good; he'd noticed that his marks were gone and had been relying on them too much to actually remember where things were. There was a bright light as his next pair mismatched, producing a flashbang effect. Llama smirked and picked up her final matching pair. Even the odd number of pairs in this game had been rigged to favour the Foxes it seemed, just in case someone else figured out their marking system. Too bad for them she'd taken it one step further.

Kaya and Robin looked at each other. "After you," the nurse said. Robin raised her eyebrows.

"Thank you. May I inquire as to why?"

"Of course. You see, if you Straw Hats should lose the next venture, I believe I'm the best qualified to make my _displeasure_ known to my new captain." Every single Foxy Pirate shuddered at Kaya's tone.

"Very well." Robin nodded and strode back to the Straw Hat section. Bon-chan hugged her as she sat down.

 **BLUEJAY**

The next game was riddles. I was already halfway to my feet when Nii-chan called out who would be competing, as was Sabo-nii. Both our jaws dropped. "Nii-chan, what're you thinking?!"

"Really Lu? But you _always_ tell Blue and I to do the thinking!"

"But Ghin and Bon-chan haven't had a chance to compete! It's only fair!"

I sunk back against my pine tree, angry at not getting my chance to redeem myself. Bon-chan I had some level of confidence in- he used to be a Baroque Works spy after all. But Ghin? He was straightforward and loyal to the extreme, artistic but blunt as the tofa he wielded. I pre-emptively buried my face in my hands.

"What gets wetter the more it dries?" a Foxy Pirate demanded as Bon-chan and Ghin sat down. Our okama waved a hand dismissively.

"A towel. You'll need to some up with something better dear. Like this: What two things can you never eat for breakfast?"

"Bah, that's easy! Lunch and dinner!" The second Fox competitor turned to Ghin. "What asks but never answers?"

"An owl." Our tattoo artist sighed. "Really… I'm not much good at this game, so if I can get them so quickly, you're going too easy. I can be seen, or I can be not. Thanks to me, you'll fall in love. I mostly am sweet, but once I were sour. You can receive me, but you can't just buy me. You only can send me, or simply share me. What could I be?"

"A… kiss?" The first Fox looked uncertain, but he was right. I was pleasantly surprised by Ghin's riddling ability. Then again, he was old enough that even if word games weren't usually his thing, he must've picked up a few along the line. "What can you catch, but not throw?"

"That would be a cold." Bon-chan idly changed his appearance, cycling through every member of our crew and a few political figures from Alabasta. "What kind of room has no doors or windows?"

The second Fox had to think for a minute, which made me sad. This riddle was still so easy! Ghin had actually used the best one so far. "Er… Is it a mushroom?"

"Yes."

Desperate, the Fox looked anywhere but Ghin's face as he tried to come up with something. "Um… Uh…" Wow, for a crew of compulsive cheaters, these guys weren't very bright. "What's in my pockets?"

I leapt to my feet. "Dummkopf! That's not a riddle! You're out!"

"I'll allow it!" The referee had to shout to be heard over my enraged shouting. "Although… Since it's not a proper riddle, the Straw Hat gets three guesses."

Even that was a slim chance for poor Ghin. His brow creased. "Is it lint?" he ventured.

"No."

"String?"

"Nope. One more try."

Ghin shrugged, hopeless. "A golden ring with ancient writing on it that can only be seen by firelight that makes the wearer invisible?" Wow. That guess was oddly specific. I wondered if there was a story behind it.

"Wrong again! There's nothing! I've got nothing in my pockets!" The Fox danced around in triumph; Ghin slumped. Foxy smirked.

"For this round, I choose-!"

"Choppy!" Porche butted in. Eyes going wide, the little reindeer looked like he was about to cry. Zoro rested his hand on the doctor's head for a second.

"Stay strong, remember. Serve your new crew with pride."

"B-but there's only one round left and there's two of us!"

"It'll turn out alright eventually Chopper. Or don't you have any faith in Luffy?"

"I do…" Sniffling back tears, Chopper marched over and sat on Porche's lap. His little hooves were clenched into fists as he glared at the back of Foxy's head.

The split-head fumed. "Dammit Porche! I still need to find the Jones!"

Sora frowned at Foxy. "Hey… Why'd you want my cousin so badly anyways?"

"Cousin?" Foxy's eyes lit up. "Are you a Jones too?"

"No. We're cousins through our moms; her dad was the Jones."

"Huh. Pity."

Ace-nii looked at Sabo-nii and Ni-chan. "Hold on a second… I just noticed. If Sora's Blue's cousin, does that make him our cousin too?"

"Well…" Sabo-nii bit his lip. "It might, but it doesn't have to. We're all adopted, so that doesn't necessarily carry over."

Nii-chan and I huffed. "Of course that's what it means!" we shouted in unison. Sora blinked, then chuckled, shaking his head in resignation.

Oblivious to our family dispute, Foxy continued. "Oh well, a crew with two Joneses is almost as unlikely these days as one with two Ds, so I guess it's to be expected."

"We have four Ds," Ghin stated with cautious, awkward pride. "Well… If adoption counts at least."

I giggled as a number of Foxy's crew blanched. A few of them whispered tensely to each other. "Four Ds… Imagine the chaos…"

"Imagine the _food bill_."

"Hopefully the captain doesn't want _them_ too."

"What if the Jones _is_ a D?"

"Then we're all doomed."

"Is that even possible? Wouldn't the Will of D and the Curse of Jones cancel each other out?"

"No one knows. There's never been a D Jones before."

"Idiots. You can't really become a D through adoption!"

"Does anyone know that for sure?"

"No, no one's ever really tested. No one's _wanted_ to test it. Can you imagine what the Tenryuubito would do if that _were_ possible?"

"I don't want to know."

Once again the wheel of fortune spun. It clicked and clattered until it landed on- croquet? How was that a pirate thing? Nii-chan looked around our crew at a loss. "What's croquet? Does anyone know how to play it?"

Sabo-nii raised a hand. "Sort of? It's a game for nobles and wealthier merchants, so I was naturally forced to learn- however much I hated it. I haven't played since before I met Ace though."

"Still better than the rest of us." Ace-nii yawned and pushed his hat forwards over his eyes, leaning back against a rock. I wondered if he'd felt a fit coming and was trying to hide it from our opponents, as snores emerged from the hat seconds later.

At first I wasn't sure how Foxy could possibly cheat at a game that seemed to be about hitting a ball through little arches- not that I understood the rules at all. But as the game went on, I became pretty sure that hitting the ball into the back of Sabo-nii's head counted as cheating. So did tiny explosives rigged to knock my brother's ball off course. The Foxy Pirates hadn't even _tried_ to be subtle all day. I didn't understand how they _didn't_ count as a dishonourable crew.

He made a good showing, but Sabo-nii lost after an explosive arch sent his ball spinning several hundred meters off to one side. Nii-chan groaned; Llama glared. At a slight twitch from my brother, our explosives expert turned Foxy's hair a powder pink, sending the older pirate into a spiral of confusion. I wondered when Llama had started learning quiet-talk and who was teaching her. Coby wouldn't have understood that command yet.

We should probably teach the whole crew quiet-talk. It could come in useful someday.

For Sabo-nii's loss at croquet, Foxy took Sora. And since it was the last of the nine events we wouldn't have a chance to win _any_ of our crew mates back. I felt the fire-fear rising up my back. This obnoxious man was a threat to _my family_ , just like the fat noble who'd tried to take Sabo away. He couldn't- I wanted them back. _Needed_ them back.

"So new buddy," Foxy tugged Sora down so he could sling an arm around my cousin's shoulders, "Which one is she? Where's the descendant of Davy Jones?"

"What makes you think I'll tell you?"

"Because I'm your captain now, of course! So tell me which one she is- captain's orders."

"Seid gehorsam, doch nicht ohne Freimut," Sora muttered. The words sounded familiar to me; for a moment I saw an elderly man in my mind's eye, wizened but still strong and wearing an old military uniform. Foxy frowned.

"And what's that supposed to mean? I don't speak Deutsch."

"Be obedient, but not without frankness. One of the values our family follows- although until now I thought it was just a relic of a forgotten kingdom. It means I'm supposed to obey… Unless there's an order I know is wrong." Sora smiled grimly. "Then I get to tell my captain why I think he's wrong and where he can shove his orders. And I'm sure it's wrong on all counts to sell out your little cousin to an old creep."

"But the game's not even running anymore," Foxy wheedled. My cousin shook his head.

"Nope, not happening." Sora looked at me with pleading eyes. Was he hoping I would remember something because of his words? Or that Sabo-nii and I would come up with a plan? No way; I was too angry at the moment to think straight.

"But what if I was just trying to help? What if I had a way to lift the curse, but I needed to know which one she was? What kind of cousin lets a poor little girl remain cursed because of his own stubborn pride?"

I begged Sora not to fall for the trick, willing him with my eyes not to say anything. Yes, quiet-speak would've been useful just then. But I couldn't speak without giving myself away, and I could see Sora's certainty crumbling. He collapsed in on himself and gestured towards me.

"Sorry Kay-Kay." My cousin looked away, biting his lip so hard it bled. I heard him mutter another old phrase as he dug his fingernails into his wrist- much like I had the first time I spoke to my brothers. "Gegen sich mehr noch als gegen andere."

 _Be harder on yourself than on others_ , my mind supplied. So my guilt about not being the best, about failing, was something bred into my birth family. I filed that away to ask Sora about later- after I kicked Foxy's ass.

It was a struggle to hold onto even a shred of composure; I was so angry I was shaking. "I- it's okay; he's your captain… For _now_." I could barely remember words when this _thing_ was stealing what was _mine_. I wanted to rip Foxy apart, _force_ him to give back my _family_. This was even more than I remembered from when Sabo was taken- more heat, more _anger_ …

A rubber hand came down on my head, startling me. Nii-chan rubbed gently at the back of my neck. "Calm down Blue. Your eyes are changing and you're acting like a tiger."

"Sorry." I reigned myself in; I hadn't even realized I was growling and preparing to pounce. "We need to challenge them back."

"Yeah." Nii-chan's hat shadowed his eyes as he glared at Foxy. "Hey you! Split-Head! I challenge you to a Davy Back Tournament!"

"What?"

"You heard me. How many coins?"

"Ah, may as well do three." Foxy shrugged and flicked the required tribute into the sea. "I'm sure you have other crew mates who'll be of value to me." He prepared to spin the wheel.

I held up a hand and growled; Foxy froze. "Hold it Split-Head. Your wheel picked the games when you challenged us; now we get to pick them our way."

"But you don't have a wheel…"

"Just a minute." I marched over to Ace-nii and kicked him awake. "Oi! Ace-nii! Get up! You need to go to the ship and get our dice!"

"Why me?" Ace yawned.

I frowned and made a flicking motion with my wrist, flashing two fingers, then three, then five. _Weight them so they roll two, three, and five_.

My oldest brother frowned back and raised one eyebrow, cocking his head to the left. _And how do you expect me to do that in the five minutes it'll take me to fetch them?_

Rolling my eyes, I kicked Ace hard enough that his fruit activated automatically, my foot passing through his hand with a trail of flames. _You're fire now; cook 'em like you taught me when we were little_.

"Fine." Ace-nii got to his feet and trotted off towards the _Merry_. He returned with a handful of old plastic dice: two blue, one red, one yellow. One of the blue ones was immediately set aside; it was already weighted to roll six.

Luffy and Foxy worked out between them which rolls would mean which contests- for example, red six meant water polo- with me secretly signalling to my brother which games to stick on the weighted numbers. If Foxy could cheat, so could we.

All three events were rolled at once. I wanted to minimize the chances Foxy got to fool around with our dice and realize something was off about them. Red two- Barrel Racing. Yellow three- Roller Derby Relay. Blue five- Captains' Battle.

Luffy bounced eagerly as a bunch of Foxy's crew fetched barrels. "Ace's up then!"

"Huh?" Our eldest brother looked around in confusion. I strode over to Usopp and clapped our sniper on the shoulder.

"Oh great king of snipers and repairmen, how do you feel about building and steering a brakeless Ace rocket?"

Usopp gulped. "Luffy, do I have to?"

"Yep! Captain's orders!"

Our sniper whimpered, but got to work. The barrel boat he built was long and skinny like a racing kayak. I hoped it would hold together under acceleration- fishing Ace-nii out of the water would certainly cut into our time. But if anyone on our crew could build a seaworthy vessel out of just barrels, it would be Usopp.

"On your mark! Get set! Go!"

Before the race had even started I saw Foxy taking up an odd stance. His competitors were also hooking up a shark to draw their barrel boat, but somehow the captain felt like the greater threat. His hands pointed at Ace and Usopp's boat. Was he about to use some kind of Devil Fruit power? No! How could I stop him?

"Slow-Slo-!"

Whoosh! Ace shot a jet of fire backwards with both hands. The Straw Hat barrel boat was off like a shot before Foxy could finish his technique. It bounced across the waves, Usopp screaming like a baby but still doing an admirable job of steering.

"-w Beam!" A pinkish ray shot from Foxy's hands. With Ace-nii and Usopp well away, the older pirate hit his own crew's team instead. I giggled as the Fox barrel boat was forced into slow motion. No wonder Split-Head had looked so confident when two races had come up.

Foxy turned to try and target our team again. Well, if he could cheat from the sidelines, so could I. Or better yet, turn his own cheating back against him. Moving to put myself between Foxy and the barrel boats, I turned to my nearest crew mate.

"Bon-chan, do you have a mirror on you? I want to check the scar I got from Thatch; it feels funny."

"Of course Birdie!" Our okama twirled. "I'm always prepared for situations like this!" He handed me a small hand mirror.

The next time Foxy fired a Slow-Slow Beam I reflected it back at him with Bon-chan's mirror. Not that I thought the Silver Fox could hit a target moving as fast as Ace and Usopp, but just in case… While the split-headed captain was stuck in slow motion, I shot him a look that was easy to interpret even for people who didn't know any quiet-speak.

 _I'm_ so _onto you. Try that again and you'll regret it_.

Ace-nii and Usopp trounced Foxy's crew mates. As soon as a disbelieving referee (still provided by Foxy's crew) announced Straw Hat victory, Chopper came racing over to the rest of us. The little doctor threw himself into Zoro's arms and bawled. Our first mate patted the reindeer awkwardly.

Even knowing I was watching him, Foxy seemed confident as we prepared for the Roller Derby Relay. Maybe he thought his crew was too large to keep _everyone_ from cheating- which was probably true. Or maybe he thought that since one of his racers was a cheetah zoan this would be an easy win.

"Ace's up again!" Nii-chan cheered. "And let's see… Coby and Sanji are the fastest, so them… But we need four…"

"Use Kay-Kay!" Sora called from Foxy's side.

"Huh?"

"Oro?"

"Just trust me! If it's like skating, she'll be a good choice."

Foxy frowned. "Why are you helping them? You're supposed to be on my crew now."

My cousin smiled the same grim smile from earlier. "Mit Lieb und Treue… With love and loyalty. Sorry Foxy, family before crew."

I wasn't sure that Sora was right- I couldn't remember ever skating- but I took his word for it and strapped on a pair of roller blades. "Okay…" Hells, I couldn't even remember seeing skates of any kind before outside of picture books.

But it turned out that I could stand in them well enough, and my feet seemed to know what to do even if my brain didn't. For a moment I felt a chill of cold up my spine, heard the phantom scraping of blades on ice… I quickly suppressed the fragment of memory. It was a distraction I didn't need right now.

Ace-nii was our starter, off like a shot before the Foxy Pirates could even think of cheating. By the time any of them could spring their traps he was already past, a brilliant orange rocket. The only thing that came close to my eldest brother was a trip wire that passed harmlessly through his ankles, burning away behind him. Ace had a little trouble steering, it was true, but the track was large enough that he managed to stay on.

Sanji was next. Our cook didn't have near Ace-nii's speed, but he had the advantage of seemingly knowing how to use roller blades. The Foxy Pirates tried to raise walls in front of him as Sanji dashed around, lapping their first competitor. They succeeded… Sort of. The walls definitely rose in front of Sanji and got in his way, but he dealt with them very efficiently by kicking holes in them. Soon the track was littered with rubble that hindered the Foxes more than it would bother any Straw Hat.

Coby wasn't as sure on his skates as Sanji, but he made up for that with hard work and greater speed. This time the Foxy Pirates tried throwing things at him to slow him down- smoke bombs, glue grenades, and the like. Every time a missile approached my boyfriend he'd kick off the ground hard, disappearing for a moment in a flash of pink. It was just like when he used Flash Pistol. Coby would always stumble a little bit when he reappeared, but he kept his feet.

Slap! Coby slammed the baton into my hand; I gripped it tightly as I took off. My feet seemed to know what they were doing, so I let them have at it and just focused on where I wanted to go. One of Foxy's racers got in my way, trying to shove me off or trip me up. Too bad for him I'd had time to read the rules for this one while Ace-nii was getting our dice, so I knew unarmed techniques were allowed.

"White Tiger Claw!" I slammed the would-be obstacle out of the way with a palm strike.

Seconds later I heard Chiquicheetah coming up behind me. His panting, cat-like breaths were very distinctive. I wasn't sure how Foxy was justifying this- the cheetah was their fourth racer, no way in the Nine Hells had he been tagged yet. Ah, I suppose I should've expected it.

"White Tiger Claw!"

Chiquicheetah dodged. I continued to snap palm strikes at him. The cat was unable to pass, too busy dodging, but I couldn't get ahead either. Unless… It was a risk. I didn't know how my balance would hold if I broke my rhythm.

"Tiger's Tail!" I swept into a low, spinning kick, my right shin crashing through the back of Chiquicheetah's knees. He folded like Luffy playing poker. Meanwhile I spun down the track on my base leg, out of control if not off balance.

Instinct told me to stay on the ball of my foot and slowly stand up. I continued to spin once this was accomplished, so I snapped my arms and free leg out like wings. The spin stopped and I was left gliding backwards down the track until I crossed the finish line.

Foxy groaned. Kaya patted him on the shoulder as she walked back to the rest of us Straw Hats. "Don't feel bad Foxy-san. Your crew wouldn't have enjoyed my presence anyway."

By this point anyone from our crew would've been checking for experimental needles if Kaya patted them like that. Foxy didn't know to do that- although he did twitch in fear. His cowardly survival instinct was strong enough, even if nothing else about him was.

Nii-chan clasped my shoulder, his hat shadowing his eyes. "Blue…We need to do something."

"Oro?" Weren't we doing something already? Wasn't that the point of challenging the Foxes back and cheating at the dice rolls?

"I have an idea to make Split-Head never do this to another family again, but for it to work we need Sora back plus something extra. Can you use your creepy eye thing to scare Split-Head into betting double or nothing?"

"Maybe… Is this one of your so-stupid-it's-brilliant ideas?"

"Shishishi! Maybe. Don't think so though. Just try?"

"Okay Nii-chan. Hope you know what you're doing." I turned to Foxy and glared. "Double or nothing."

"What?"

"You heard me Split-Head." Coldness filled my chest; my voice went flat. "I, Monkey D Bluejay Jones, declare double or nothing on the Captains' Battle. Do you accept the stakes?"

"Can she do that?" Someone asked. Robin checked the rule book and nodded.

Fear, then greed, flashed across Foxy's face. "I accept. Porche, what are the doubled rules for the Captains' Battle?"

"Oro?" The rules could change when events were double or nothing? Crap...

Porche opened a rule book much like Robin's to a page near the end. "Not much changes Boss. It just becomes a two-on-two fight involving the captains' seconds as well."

"I see… Then Porche, I'll be counting on your full support."

"Of course Boss!"

Nii-chan grabbed my hand. "Wanna play Blue?"

"Wouldn't Zoro or Sabo-nii be better choices? I just got off my crutches and we _have_ to win this."

"But we haven't fought together in forever!"

"Okay then, if you're sure." I strapped on my nekode and grinned.

It was inevitable that they would cheat, but we let the Foxy Pirates chose the battleground. Their ship- of course. I had no idea what kind of dirty tricks might be built into that thing, but there had to be a lot. The question was how to out-cheat the cheaters on their own turf. Nii-chan and I went to Usopp for advice while Foxy and Porche were getting ready. Our sniper was most unhelpful.

"What you need is this!" Usopp presented my brother with a massive black afro wig. "Everyone knows afros give you extra power!"

I shook my head. "I don't think-!"

"Oh yeah!" Luffy grabbed the thing and put it on over his hat. He then took off his vest so his Jolly Roger tattoo was on display like Ace-nii's. "Blue, you gotta try this! It really works!"

"No."

Usopp grinned. "That's okay. Afros don't work the same for girls. I've got something even better for Bluejay." Our sniper produced a pair of white go-go boots and an electric blue go-go dress.

"Nope. You can't make me." I shook my head and backed away. Where had Usopp even gotten those things? And what for? I certainly hadn't made them, nor had I seen the fabric in any of our storage holds. My protests were in vain however. Nii-chan grabbed me like Dadan used to on laundry day when we were little, changing me into the dress and boots before I could blink.

Coby's eyes went wide; Sora turned bright red. Ace-nii hit every man on our crew over the head before Sanji could do anything weird. Llama looked stunned, then began muttering something about brain bleach and inconsiderate captains.

Since we couldn't think of a way to use Foxy's traps against him, Luffy's solution was to hit them as hard as we could right off the bat. He charged Foxy before I could even begin to think of a plan- and got hit by a Slow-Slow Beam for his troubles. I groaned. What could I use for a mirror around here? I'd had to give Bon-chan's back before I could fight.

I dodged easily as Porche tried to kick me. You could tell by looking at her she wasn't a front-line fighter. Okay, first order of business: neutralize the teal-haired annoyance. I grabbed Porche by her hair and threw her into the path of Nii-chan's fist right as he returned to normal speed. My brother's punch fired the girl out of bounds and may or may not have knocked her out- I didn't care enough to go look.

Nii-chan's eyes spun. "Blue, how'd everything go so fast like that?"

"It didn't. Foxy has a Devil Fruit that makes things go in slow motion; he hit you with it."

"Oh."

"And that's not all I hit!" Foxy laughed from atop a cannonball. I glanced around. Crap. While I'd been getting Porche out of the way our _real_ opponent had set a trap. Slowed cannonballs inched through the air over the entire deck, ticking time bombs flying in every direction.

"Verdammt ficken Sheisse!" I grabbed Nii-chan and slammed him into the deck, a rubber pancake. Once he was safely out of harm's way I climbed up a few of the cannonballs as if they were boulders, waiting with baited breath for them to speed up.

One by one they did, though it was a while before one moved under my hands. By then I was fairly high up and able to leap to the rigging as I felt the cannonball shift. From there I decided to drop right on Foxy's head.

"Slow-Slow Beam!" Crap! Nothing to reflect it with, and unlike Nii-chan I had no way to dodge while airborne. The beam caught me. Below I heard Foxy shout again, a second beam catching Luffy. I plotted our trajectories in my head. As soon as the beams wore off my brother and I would be on a collision course.

Ah, but rubber was bouncy and I'd used Nii-chan as a springboard in the past. If I could just… I brought my knees in tight as things sped up, kicking out as soon as I felt rubber beneath my feet. My brother stretched a little before snapping back into shape, adding a bit of extra force to my tackle. Foxy was too surprised to get a Slow-Slow Beam off. I ploughed him into a wall.

"Nii-chan, hit him now!" I dug my nekode into the wall and one knee into Foxy's gut. He wouldn't be getting away from me anytime soon.

"How? You're in the way!"

"Which means he can't get _you_ with his beams, so hit him!"

Foxy tried to get one hand on my throat to choke me, probably in the hopes it would force me to get off of him. I bit the hand. Then rubber fists began to snap in from the sides, battering Foxy's ribs as he tried unsuccessfully to squirm loose.

"Slow-Slow Beam!" The only thing Foxy could hit from his current position was me, which just made me harder to shove away. His one free hand punched desperately at anywhere he could reach. He had no leverage though; I didn't even feel the impact of the strikes, let alone any pain. At least, until I returned to normal speed. Then I felt a series of blows to my arm and side, but nothing serious enough to make me let go.

Luffy jumped on my back, arms wrapped around my shoulders to make a secure platform. "Gomu-Gomu no Bell!" He slammed his forehead into Foxy's with a snap of rubber.

It turned out that Monkeys have harder heads than foxes. The older captain flopped limply in my grasp. Unsure if he was unconscious or faking in the hopes of catching us unawares, I drove my knee into Foxy's crotch. He twitched and grunted a little, but otherwise didn't really react. Unconscious then.

"Winners: the Straw Hat Pirates!" Foxy's referee was almost in tears.

Nii-chan and I made our way back to the rest of our crew. I waved to my cousin. "Sora, get your scaly butt over here!"

"Yes!" Wings a blur, my cousin flew over. He did a clumsy loop before landing beside Ghin.

Tension filled the air as Nii-chan turned to stare at Foxy's crew. You could see them wondering who he'd pick. Off to one side I could hear Nami muttering under her breath, hoping for a proper shipwright. Luffy's hat shadowed his eyes.

"Robin, can I take their flag? Is that in the rules?" What?! Nii-chan hadn't already checked to see if his crazy plan was allowed? Idiot. It was a good thing he was so adorable…

"Yes Captain, you most certainly can."

"Then I pick that. We're taking their flag."

Every member of the Foxy Pirates flinched and went pale. Zoro winced; Chopper looked guilty. "Isn't that a bit extreme?" our little reindeer asked. "You'd really take their pride like that?"

"Yeah, of course. They tried to take our _family_." Nii-chan glared at Foxy. "Not all crews are like yours, ne? Some of us care about more than profit or some stinky Code. Blue was two seconds from ripping her apart when you took Sora; if you or anyone else ever challenges us to one of these games again, I'll let her."

My brother's rage hung heavy in the air. Foxy looked like he was about to faint or vomit- possibly both. He and his crew got to work taking down any flag or sail that bore their Jolly Roger. Part of me wondered how they would get to the next island with so little canvas left; the rest of me didn't care. It didn't look like Nii-chan cared either. If he did, he would've offered to draw them a new flag or something.

I walked beside Sora as our crew made our way back to the _Merry_. "How did you know I'd do okay at the roller derby thing?"

"Aunt K had you in skates practically as soon as you could walk. It was figure skates, but we went roller blading for my seventh birthday, so I knew… I hoped your feet would remember even if your head doesn't."

"Sentimental dork."

Sora looked at me sadly. "Kay-Kay… How'd you feel if one of your brothers forgot everything- forgot you? Wouldn't you want them to remember?"

"Of course!"

"Then think how I feel. You're my little cousin who was as good as _dead_ for ten years. Suddenly I get you back in the most unlikely place, only you don't even know you _have_ cousins, let alone who I am. I don't… It doesn't matter if you remember everything, but something…"

"What if I don't want to remember?" Sora shot me an incredulous look, so I explained. "I remembered more when I first came here. Nii-chan says I used to talk about someone named Dustin, and how the other kids used to shun me and call me a freak. But I don't remember any of that anymore. From what Nii-chan says though, I don't think I liked our world very much."

"No, maybe not." Sora bit his lip. "I know you were bullied when you started school- the other kids thought it was strange that you'd rather learn codes and magic tricks than play with dolls and cars. And Aunt K was already teaching you to read and do a little addition, so they resented you for being ahead in class too. Although your teacher loved you."

"Can you tell me about Dustin?" I asked. "Nii-chan said I called him a big brother- that's what made _Luffy_ offer to be my Nii-chan."

"Ah… I didn't know him really. He was about a year older than you; cute little guy with hair like Captain Luffy and eyes like Sabo. All I really know is that you followed him around until he started to like you, then he protected you whenever the bullies tried to do something like dump glue in your backpack or steal Tilt." Sora shrugged. "Older kids had to stay in a different part of the school yard, so I didn't see you guys much."

"Ksesesesesese! Sounds like we were like Nii-chan and Ace-nii," I giggled. Then I frowned. "Who or what's a Tilt?"

"Stuffed cat you used to carry around all the time. Uncle J found her in the woods the day you disappeared. Brandy still had her around the time I ended up here- she was sure you weren't dead and that when you got back you'd want Tilt right away."

Without warning, Sora reached out and pulled me into a hug. I let him. Confused as I was, I knew thinking about all this upset him. It would be like… If Sabo-nii had been rescued by someone else when the Tenryuubito blew up his boat. His amnesia might not have lifted without familiar faces around, and if the rest of us found him ten years after thinking he had died… Okay, now I could imagine how Sora felt.

 **xXx**

The _Merry_ had been underway for half an hour when I finally caught our archaeologist alone. "Robin, can I ask you something?"

"Of course Tiger-chan."

"And you won't tell my brothers?"

"That would depend on exactly what you want to ask me. If it's something that effects the safety of the crew I have to tell the captain."

I weighed her answer, then decided I needed to know even if she might tell Nii-chan and the others and make them worry. "What's the Curse of Jones?"

"Didn't your brother tell you the story?"

"Just the basics. He didn't tell me what the curse actually _does_."

"That's because no one knows for sure- Joneses have a peculiar habit of falling out of history and being forgotten." Robin closed the book she'd been reading and thought for a moment. "You know the witch who cursed him was one of the Tenryuubito, right?"

I nodded.

"She may have been a Devil Fruit user or she may not- history doesn't say. What _is_ recorded are the words with which she cursed Jones: You devil, if you love beasts so much, you shall become one of them."

"What's that even mean?"

"Unfortunately I cannot say. All I know is that every Jones who follows the path of their ancestor disappears from all records by no later than the age of thirty."

I cocked my head to one side. "Path of their ancestors?"

"A career at sea. Pirates disappear fastest, then marines, then simple merchants and fishermen. I would be especially careful if I were you Tiger-chan- you started sailing at a much younger age than most of your relatives."

"But how can it affect me? Even if my name's Jones- and that's what Sora says, I can't remember- I'm from another world. I can't _actually_ be related to Davy Jones."

"Actually, you could be. Davy Jones was the son of the man called the King of Dreams, who's necklace Rainbow Thief wears. His family _was_ from another world- perhaps yours. All we can say for certain is that you aren't his direct descendant."

"And does that matter?"

"No. The curse took Davy's brother and nephews as well."

I frowned. "Then I guess I finally have a goal on this journey. I'm gonna figure out what this curse does, and then I'm gonna end it."


	22. Fire and Ice

**A/N: Don't worry petite lili, you'll get to see Dragon confront Whitebeard. It'll be a few more chapters though; we had a bunch of stuff already written before people started expressing interest in that.**

 **I'm very sorry for making the Davy Back Tournament so much more dramatic and less silly than in canon. I tried to write it fun and over-the-top, really I did, but the characters kept getting in the way. All I could think of was the separation anxiety I've established ASLB as having (as well as Sora to a lesser extent), Nami's thing with being forced to join a crew she hated in the past, Ghin's stubborn loyalty… The issues Tetsik, Stickninjasllama and I have been playing with meant that for this version of the Straw Hats, a Davy Back Tournament** _ **had**_ **to be dramatic- the idea of being forced apart like that would terrify them. I'm very sorry if it wasn't to people's liking.**

 **Oh! And the song later in this chapter is by Robert Burns and is almost 200 years old, so I'm pretty sure it counts as public domain.**

The island on the horizon took us totally by surprise- something Nami was _not_ happy about. Our log pose still indicated the next island was a ways off and slightly to port, and the map… The map Nami had stolen from Buggy didn't show anything in this area at all. Our navigator stomped off to add this new land to the updated map she was making. With light winds and no sign of change, Nami predicted we'd make landfall sometime early the next morning.

Ace-nii was currently having a narcoleptic fit by the mast, so I slunk over to join him. It wasn't like I had anything better to do. My brother was bound to have nightmares eventually if he was on his own, so really I was just helping him when I curled up with my back pressed against his side. Ace rolled over in his sleep so I was against his chest instead, wrapping one arm around me. Even unconscious he was an overprotective goof. I closed my eyes and relaxed. Just as I was falling asleep I felt something- or more likely someone- flop across my feet.

I woke some hours later to the feeling of being watched. Cracking open my eyes, I saw Nami, Kaya, and Conis. Our therapist was smiling. "You're right Kaya; they're adorable."

"You're not supposed to agree!" Nami hissed. "You're supposed to get them to stop! It can't be healthy and it gives people the wrong idea- especially about Bluejay."

"It's normal for children to want to sleep together when they're scared."

"They're not children! They're fourteen, seventeen, and twenty!"

"Yes, but if something happened to them _as_ children this was obviously their way of coping. How much do we really know about their past? Aside from who their grandfather is and that they're terrified of him, nothing. Just looking at the four of them, I'd guess they were neglected at some point- it would certainly explain Luffy's clinginess. As far as I can tell they're not actually co-dependent though, so I don't think there's anything seriously wrong."

"If you separate them they wake up screaming from nightmares."

"Oh. Yes, that could certainly complicate things- especially for a narcoleptic like Ace."

Pins and needles sparked in my foot. I kicked at whoever was lying on it and hit flesh. Sabo then. Which meant that the leg draped over my head was probably Luffy. Nii-chan probably owned the hand that had somehow become wedged into my armpit as well.

"Get off," I growled into a rubber calf. Nii-chan giggled in his sleep. "I'm serious. If you don't move, I'm gonna bite you."

He didn't, so I did. The result was a loud yelp and violent twisting as rubber limbs snapped out of various places they'd become entangled. This sent Nii-chan cartwheeling across the deck- and had the pleasant side-effect of waking Sabo-nii to get him off my foot.

Last came Ace-nii. I tried to wriggle out from under his arm, but he just held me tighter. From where I was I couldn't really kick him, so I reached back and began tickling along his ribs. My eldest brother grunted. Ace didn't like people to know, but he was pretty ticklish. I continued my assault until he woke up and pushed me away.

"Stop it Blue!"

"Well, how else was I supposed to wake you up? I can't bite _you_ ; I'd burn my mouth."

"What? You bite me all the time!"

"Do I?"

"Yes! Just the other day before the Davy Back thingy- you were stuck on my arm like a leech! Except leeches don't have teeth!"

"Huh." Okay, I remembered that now. I shrugged and rolled away from my fiery brother.

Luffy bounded over to land in front of Nami. "Are we there yet?"

"No. Not for another few hours at least."

"Aw…" My rubber brother took off to go fishing.

Bored, I scrambled up to where Llama was perched in the rigging. "Hi! Whatcha writing?"

Our demolitions expert responded by jumping and jabbing me in the forehead with her pen. I rubbed the ink off with a frown. "That was rude. I didn't mean to surprise you."

"At least I didn't try to choke you this time."

"True. Not that I think you could." I swung my legs back and forth, making the line we were sitting on rock like a swing. "So… Whatcha writing?"

"Diary."

"Cool. I keep a diary too- in code though, so Ace-nii can't read it. When Sabo-nii writes his book about our adventures I can use it to remind him of stuff."

Llama nodded. I swung back and forth for a minute before getting bored again. "Come up with any new explosives lately?"

"No. Usopp and I need more chemicals to experiment with. Kaya keeps hogging them all."

"Hmm… Well, when we get to that Water Seven place Robin mentioned you should get a chance to restock."

"Yeah…" Llama finished what she was writing and closed her notebook. "Jay… Will you sing for me?"

"Oro?"

"Songs from our old world- I know you know some. Will you sing one for me?"

"Are you homesick?" I felt a stab of guilt. Llama and Sora had both been older than me when they'd crossed; of course it would be harder on them.

"Not really." Llama shook her head. "I like it here; I like our family. But there's not enough music."

"Yeah, we need a musician soon. Nii-chan really wants one too." I flipped over so I was hanging upside down from the line. "What kinda song do you wanna hear?"

"Something strong; battle and family. Like us."

I thought for a moment. Then a slow, powerful tune made its way through my head- one I thought dad would like too. "I've got just the thing."

 _Scots, wha hae wi'Wallace bled,_

 _Scots, wham Bruce has aften led;_

 _Welcome to your gory bed,_

 _Or to victory!_

 _Now's the day, and now's the hour_

 _See the front o'battle lour;_

 _See approach proud Edward's power-_

 _Chains and slavery!_

 _Wha will be a traitor knave?_

 _Wha can fill a coward's grave?_

 _Wha sae base as be a slave?_

 _Let him turn and flee!_

 _Wha for Scotland's king and law_

 _Freedom's sword will strongly draw,_

 _Freeman stand, or freeman fa',_

 _Let him follow me!_

 _By oppression's woes and pains!_

 _By your sons in servile chains!_

 _We will drain our dearest veins,_

 _But they shall be free!_

 _Lay the proud usurpers low!_

 _Tyrants fall in every foe!_

 _Liberty's in every blow!_

 _Let us do or die!_

"It doesn't rhyme," Llama noted, "The end, I mean."

I shrugged. "With a different accent maybe. Like how Sanji changes words sometimes when he gets flustered."

"He sounds French to me."

"Maybe? I dunno. Would that be like coming from the North Blue here? Cause he speaks a language called Français sometimes and I understand a bit of it, but that's because I had an aunt that was Quebecois. Or at least, I think I did."

"Yeah, sounds like French to me."

 **xXx**

The island was an odd one when we reached it- parkland interspersed with ridiculously tall, skinny trees. Its animals were odd too. Right as we dropped anchor we saw a dog disappear over a hill- a dog that was of normal height at the shoulder, but nearly six meters long.

I felt my eyes turn to stars as I prepared to chase the puppy. Sabo-nii grabbed my shoulder before I could go anywhere. "No Blue, you don't need a dog."

"But he's so cute! And weird!"

"And too long for the _Merry_. There's not enough room on deck for something that size to run around; he'd be miserable."

"Fine."

We disembarked and began to explore. Nii-chan, thinking with his stomach as always, immediately found a grove of long, skinny watermelons growing down by the bay. They were quite sweet; many of our crew mates enjoyed them and Sanji absconded briefly with Coby to harvest a bunch and load them aboard the _Merry_.

And then we found the quivering trees. Two pale trunks rose so high that we couldn't even see their lowest branches- just a small shadow amongst the clouds. Nii-chan's eyes turned to stars.

"Sugoi! Dancing trees!" My brother turned to Sora. "Fly up to the top and ask if they wanna join our crew!"

"I don't think-!"

"Captain's orders!"

My cousin rolled his eyes and spread his wings. "Aye-aye sir."

 **SORA**

For a spring island, the air was unusually cold. Sora shivered as he ascended. This would teach him to accept aerial scouting assignments without changing into long sleeves first.

As he rose through the chilly, stringy layers of cloud, the shape of the trees started to come into focus. Moments later, Sora was suddenly certain these weren't trees. He stalled in surprise and started to fall; a quick loop and a flick of his tail brought him back level. The zoan user hovered in front of what had looked to be leaves from below, but was now clearly the shape of a man.

"Hello. What're you doing up here?"

"Ah! A flying boy!" The man clung to what had looked like the trunks of trees. The were stilts. Sora noted with a sniff that the man hadn't washed in at least a week, and he seemed to have soiled himself in that time too. He had bags large enough for grocery shopping under his eyes and his stomach growled audibly.

"Do you need help?" Sora asked awkwardly. He was fairly sure he knew the answer, but if the man didn't _want_ help…

"Yes please! Can you get me down from here? I'm terrified of heights and I've been stuck up here for more than ten years!"

Wow. Sora wasn't sure whether he admired this guy's dedication or pitied his stupidity. That was something beyond even what Luffy would do. "If you're so scared of heights why'd you climb up on stilts this long?" Sora turned his hands to claws and hooked his talons into the man's clothes. Hopefully the cloth wouldn't tear before they got to the ground.

"I wanted to set a world record with stilts- eep!" The man froze and covered his eyes as Sora lifted him off the stilts and dove. Zoan and burden came to a stop seconds later in front of Luffy, wings kicking up a storm of dust as Sora fought to put the terrified man down gently. Ghin shook his head at the sight.

"Since the kids probably won't, I'll apologize for them. They really don't know how to deal with people who are afraid of heights."

"Sorry Captain Luffy, it wasn't moving trees at all. Just a man who couldn't climb down from his stilts." Sora looked down at the man, who was currently kissing the ground as if he'd never leave it again. "So… How'd you survive up there for ten years anyway?"

"A couple of maaaaaaaaaaaango trees had fruit high enough for me to reach, and I drank condensation from the clouds." The man bowed. "Thank you for bringing me down; my name is Tonjit."

After the Straw Hats had introduced themselves Tonjit led them to his home, offering to make them lunch as thanks for Sora getting him down. That plan fell through though; everything in his yurt was spoiled. There was, however, one long-necked horse (or hoooooooooorse, as Tonjit called her) named Sherry who was very happy to have her human back.

Tonjit explained his stilt stunt in more detail as he brushed Sherry's coat. Apparently his desire to set a record had been inspired by the death of Gold Roger and the impact the pirate had had on the world. Ace flared a little on hearing that, but said nothing. Tonjit smiled.

"After all, it's when we die that we're truly forgotten. I just wanted to do something that would be remembered. But it's all backfired on me now; my tribe's moved on. At this point I'll never catch up to them."

Sora didn't pay attention as Tonjit then delved in detail into the travel patterns of his tribe and the tides of this place- Long Ring Island. That was more Nami's thing than his. From the looks of it, Bluejay agreed; Sora's cousin appeared to be having a staring contest with a nearby crow. Unlike her though, the zoan user's lack of attention wasn't _entirely_ due to boredom. His attention had been caught by a small body of water he could sense nearby- a small, _moving_ body of water, as if a puddle had decided to go for a leisurely stroll. It was confusing.

All Sora gathered from the conversation was that not even Nami knew how to help Tonjit catch up with his tribe. Since Long Ring Island's magnetic field was centered between the atolls even her skill with a log pose wouldn't help- the islander would have to wait for the tides to go low and chase after his tribe one islet at a time. Tonjit was disappointed, but he understood. He wished the Straw Hats well as they continued to explore this segment of Long Ring Island.

They did so as a group, drawn together by a feeling of caution none of them could understand. Even Ace and Luffy felt muted and subdued to Sora's instincts, more like the adolescents they were than the alphas he usually registered. After a few moments the zoan user realized that it was because the whole atoll smelled of _another_ alpha- a much older, stronger one with an air of lazy power.

Eighteen sets of footsteps stopped dead as the crew rounded a large boulder. Captain Snappy and Spade squawked in surprise; a pungent odor of fear rose from Robin. Sabo frowned and took a step back. Confused, Sora examined the stranger they'd stumbled upon. Long and lean, he had an aura of watchfulness while also seeming half-asleep. It was he who gave off both the scent of an established alpha and the feeling of an odd body of water.

The stranger stood, towering over every member of the Straw Hat crew. A spark of something flashed across his face as his eyes lit on their archaeologist. "So Nico Robin, you've found a new set of lives to ruin I see."

 **LLAMA**

She knew things were bad from the moment Sabo backed away, but this… How dare this weirdo say such a thing about her new family! Llama wanted nothing more than to shove a Nova down his pants. A fragmented quiet-talk conversation stopped her though, caught out of the corner of her eye. Bluejay, Sabo, Ace, and Luffy were all signing rapidly. Llama only caught bits and pieces.

 _-higher than gramps!_

 _-ice. What if my fire can-?_

 _-dangerous._

 _-talked bad about Robin… his ass!_

 _-find out… Maybe… reason._

 _-friend!_

Finally, Luffy snapped. "Why'd you say that about Robin? You don't know anything! She's our friend!"

"Really Straw Hat?" Sleepy eyes flicked in Luffy's direction before refocusing on Robin. "Do _you_ even really know her?"

"Sure! She likes coffee and books and history; she can read the special rocks and has a moldy sense of humour."

"Morbid," Bluejay corrected. Llama giggled.

"Yeah, that." Luffy picked his nose and flicked a booger at the stranger.

"But do you know where she came from? What she's done?"

"No. But that doesn't matter; it's what we do now that's important."

The stranger sighed. "That's not true Straw Hat- unfortunately. Look, I don't feel like chasing a bunch of kids around today. Just hand over Nico Robin and Outlook Sabo and I'll let the rest of you leave." Ghin looked confused that the stranger was lumping him in with the rest of the youngsters; Bon-chan, who was used to such treatment from the tattoo artist, took it in stride.

"Like Hells!" Three voices called out simultaneously. Luffy, Ace, and Bluejay all shifted to stand in front of Robin and Sabo. They looked livid. Combining this with Bluejay's actions at the Davy Back Tournament, Llama wondered if someone had tried to tear the siblings apart before. Oh well, that was something for Conis to figure out.

Frowning, the demolitions expert reached for a Blue Burst. "Who are you even?"

"He's a marine admiral- widely known as Aokiji, real name Kuzan." Sabo tipped his hat in Aokiji's direction. "Gramps used to tell stories about all the famous or up-and-coming marine officers when he visited."

"Hmmm…" Aokiji raised an eyebrow. "And you are…?"

" _Monkey D_ Sabo- runaway adopted by Garp. So as far as taking me home to my family, I'm already with them."

"Troublesome. I still have to ask you to return to Goa Kingdom with me."

"I refuse to acquiesce to your request."

"It wasn't a request."

Ice flowed out across the ground, seemingly coming for Sabo and Robin. About a meter from the crew it stopped; a line of fire prevented it from spreading further. Ace was glaring at Aokiji. The angry pressure Llama had felt when Sabo was fighting Enel pulsed gently in the air.

"What makes you think we'll let you take them?"

"Stand down Fire Fist. Like I said, I don't really feel like rounding up a bunch of naughty kids today… But I will if I have to."

"Ghin and Bon-chan aren't kids," Conis murmured to Llama, confused. The tattoo artist hard her and sighed.

"No. With the way this crew works, we're more like underqualified babysitters."

"Last warning. Straw Hat, Fire Fist, stand down."

"Like Hell! Hiken!" A flaming fist shot from Ace. Aokiji dodged boredly- almost as if he were using Mantra. Llama's eyes widened. So it was a skill Blue Sea people could learn too. But how?

"I suppose we'll have to do this the hard way then. Pity. It would've been so much more relaxing for all of us if you'd cooperated. Ice Pheasant!"

A frozen missile in the shape of a bird flashed towards them. Llama threw her Blue Burst at the same moment Ace fired another Hiken; three projectiles collided in and explosion of bright azure. Ace grinned and pushed his hat back a bit. Llama smiled.

Aokiji yawned. "Resistance? Do you have to? I just want to take Nico Robin and Outlook Sabo and go back to headquarters- maybe have a nice nap afterwards… Look, you don't seem like bad kids and I like your grandfather. Hurting you really isn't on my to-do list."

"Too bad, cause hurting _you_ 's on _mine_!" Ace's arms lit up as he crossed them over his chest. "Jujika!"

Again Aokiji moved effortlessly aside. This time he shook his head, like a parent at the antics of a naughty toddler. Conis leaned towards Nami. "I take it this is an example of their separation anxiety in action?"

"Yeah. They seem to react unusually badly if someone threatens to take Sabo- Ace and Bluejay especially. The two of them actually _fought_ last time it happened."

"Ace is starting a fight now."

"Each other."

"Oh. Really?" Conis scribbled something on her clipboard. "Maybe… If Sabo's a runaway, maybe they had to deal with his parents trying to take him back in the past. If it was done wrong, that would make any child angry and suspicious- something I believe Ace at least was already prone to."

"Hotarubi!" The air was suddenly full of lights like green fireflies. Llama pulled out her stick to poke one; the end of her stick charred. Aokiji sighed- he did that a lot. Maybe he needed his lungs checked?

"Overconfident logias lead short lives with abrupt ends." A dome of ice grew up to shield the admiral as Ace clenched his fists.

"Yeah, we saw that with Enel. Hidaruma!" The green lights exploded into massive golden fireballs. Llama's eyes went wide with awe. None of _her_ bombs could do anything that big!

Ice dome melted, Aokiji frowned at Ace. "If you understand, why challenge me?"

"Because I'm fire and you're ice! It's like rubber fighting lightning- I have the advantage! Plus, how can I not fight?" Ace's hat shadowed his eyes. "If I don't… I've got someone precious behind me. If I turn and run, I might lose them forever."

"An admirable sentiment. Ice blade!" A frigid sword materialized in Aokiji's hand. Ace responded by lighting one fist on fire. Drawing a knife with his other hand, the firecracker charged with a yell.

Orange light scattered through the air as rippling fire collided with shimmering ice crystals. Llama could barely follow the blades that the two combatants flicked about. Each time Aokiji's frozen sword touched Ace it melted, unable to do any real damage; any time Ace managed to get past the admiral's guard his knife was blocked by a collection of dense ice crystals. After a while Aokiji frowned. His icy weapon shone blue-black and he lunged past Ace's fiery fist to stab the pirate in the shoulder.

Blood. Llama stared in amazement as blood dripped from the man she knew to be made of fire. How could fire bleed? It wasn't like Enel, where rubber had been his weakness. Ace was right; as far as Llama knew, fire should beat ice. Aokiji's sword should have melted.

Shock crossed the firecracker's face. He shouted at the rest of the crew without looking at any of them. "Lu, Blue, get everyone back to the ship. I'll hold him off!"

"But-!" Looks of terror crossed both Luffy and Bluejay's faces. Llama caught a sign that passed between them, one that seemed to confuse even Sabo. She couldn't tell what it meant.

 **BLUEJAY**

 _Not again!_ Nii-chan and I froze in terror, both of us clasping our left hands over our right forearms- just below the elbow, where the scar I'd gotten in the Grey Terminal fire lay. Sabo-nii stared at us with raised eyebrows. We didn't explain.

"What are you waiting for?" Ace-nii demanded. "Get out of here! Kyokaen!"

A wall of fire rose between the combatants and the rest of our crew, preventing Aokiji from getting to Sabo or Robin. It also kept me from being able to see Ace-nii. My mind flashed back to Grey Terminal, where the fire kept me away from my brother and Dadan as they fought Bluejam. I _couldn't_ leave- not until I knew Ace-nii would be safe.

A strong hand grabbed my shoulder. Magra's face overlapped Zoro's in my mind- I bit our first mate and took off into the fire. The Shrubbery yelped behind me. Another voice- Ace's- cursed as I burst through the other side of the wall of flames.

"Blue! What the fuck?! Get back to the ship!"

"I'm not leaving without you!" I strapped on my nekode. Tears stung my eyes from the smoke of the fire. "Nii-chan has to look after the crew, but I'm here! I won't leave you alone!"

My brother's face softened. "Blue…"

"You can't keep protecting me and Nii-chan from everything- we're not little kids anymore. Besides… remember what happened last time you did this?"

"Yeah. You ran off and saved Sabo from a shipwreck." Ace-nii grinned. "Fine. Try to keep up li'l sis."

"As if you could beat this guy alone! He's higher than Gramps!"

"Maybe," Ace-nii teased, "But how much help can you be? You still can't come _close_ to me in a fight."

I was about to jump at Ace- marine be damned- when Aokiji cleared his throat. "Not that you two aren't adorable in an odd pirate way, but if you _must_ have this little argument now could you please step aside? And maybe take all this troublesome fire with you?"

My attention snapped back to the marine. "Did he just call _us_ adorable?"

"Indeed he did." Sabo-nii stepped through the fire and rested a hand on my head. "Face it Blue, you and Ace may act all tough, but we all know you for the squishy kittens you really are."

"He's after _you_ , idiot!" Ace snarled. "Get back to the ship!"

Sabo's eyes twinkled. "Ah, but brother dearest, you've forgotten one thing. _You're_ not the captain- Lu is. So I don't have to listen to you."

Bouncing out of the flames, Nii-chan swiped a hand through Ace's head. His eyes were unusually serious. "Don't do this again, 'kay Ace? We promised we'd never leave each other alone for a reason. You're a lot stronger than me or Blue, but we're strongest when we fight together!"

"Right… Sorry Lu."

"S'okay. Ace isn't smart like Sabo'n Blue, so it's fine to mess up sometimes!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ace-nii went after Nii-chan as if to put him in a headlock. At the last second they both turned and lashed out at Aokiji instead.

"Gomu-Gomu no Whip!"

"Hiken!"

The admiral shook his head and jumped over both attacks. I growled and leapt for the end of Sabo-nii's pipe. He flung me even as he swept in to engage the ice admiral. "Dragon's Tail! Steel Wings!"

Aokiji somehow took a step in mid-air, avoiding my brother's pipe. He seemed to have forgotten about me though- maybe he didn't register me as a threat. I put all of my indignation about that into the nails and spikes I dug into ice. "Red Tigress Claw!"

Numbing cold shot up my arm. It felt- stiff. I looked and saw ice crystals growing on my skin, encrusting my limb from fingertip to shoulder. Luffy successfully kicked Aokiji in the side as I landed, ice creeping over my rubber brother's leg as well.

"Will you stand down _now_?" the admiral asked. "Those limbs could shatter if you're not careful."

"We'll see about that." Tendrils of flame reached out from Ace-nii to wrap around Sabo, Luffy, and I. The warmth made my arm feel less stiff and numb; I could see Nii-chan's leg thawing and going back to normal.

"Reckless flame-brained moron," Aokiji deadpanned. His eyes said he was shocked that Ace's idea had worked. "What would you have done if you had burned or melted them? I'm not actually trying to harm your family."

"Yeah, except the part where you're trying to steal Sabo. Creepy droopy-eyed ice cube. And it _worked_!"

"So Ace is on support," Sabo-nii chuckled as he swung a flame-wreathed pipe at Aokiji. The admiral blocked with a hastily made ice staff. "That's definitely unusual."

"You sure you're okay?" I asked my blond brother as I tried to claw at Aokiji's shoulders. The lazy ice bastard kept moving and was surprisingly fast, making my strikes slide off. "It's not hurting you, is it?"

"Silly Blue!" Nii-chan's foot slammed into Aokiji's head with a resounding crack. Shattered crystals reformed quickly, though some of the marine's hair looked a little melted. "Ace's fire is part of Ace! It would never hurt us!"

"You can't know that!" Ace and I shouted in unison. My eldest brother looked worried at the thought.

Aokiji grabbed me and threw me into Luffy; I bounced back to kick him in the crotch. Sabo winced in sympathy, but the admiral seemed unhurt. He just raised his eyebrows at us.

"Even together the four of you won't be able to beat me. Why fight so hard to defend two people when I offered to spare the rest of your crew? Outlook wasn't even going to be arrested, merely returned to his parents."

"A fate worse than execution. And it's _Monkey_!" Sabo-nii swung his pipe hard, smashing Aokiji's ice staff.

"Why wouldn't we defend them?" Nii-chan demanded. "They're family!"

"Even Nico Robin? She hasn't been with you long and she joined under suspicious circumstances."

"Yeah, even her." Luffy's rage pulsed to match Ace's. Admiral Aokiji's eyes widened a fraction.

"I see." The admiral surprised us all by backing down. "Then I suppose I should warn you- every organization she's ever joined has met a quick and brutal end."

My blood was still up, confused by the abrupt halt in the fighting. Only Sabo-nii seemed able to adjust to the sudden change. He tipped his hat to Aokiji, grinning. "It's a good thing our crew's about as organized as Garp's attempts at paperwork then, isn't it?"

"Nice!" Nii-chan shook out of his battle stupor to high-five Sabo-nii. Aokiji chuckled.

"Yes, maybe you _are_ the crew to change Nico Robin's fate. I'll leave her in your hands for now then; it's too much work for me today anyways."

"Why?" Ace-nii demanded, suspicious. "Why would a marine suddenly volunteer to leave her alone?"

Aokiji's face darkened. "Because I am partially responsible for what Nico Robin has become and I wish to make amends. Time will tell if it's the right decision."

My brothers and I looked at each other and shrugged. We didn't get it, but we'd long since accepted that we would never understand even the most pirate-like of marines. Aokiji seemed too lazy to go against his word, so we turned away to go after the rest of our crew. A few final words made the four of us pause.

"Straw Hat, Fire Fist, Red Talons… What would you say if the government offered your crew a position in the Shichibukai as Crocodile's replacement? It would allow you to protect Nico Robin- not to mention saving your grandfather no end of headaches."

Nii-chan stopped. He adopted a classic Monkey thinking pose, but instead of turning red from strain he flicked his gaze around at the rest of us and tapped his foot. _What do you guys think?_

Sabo-nii bit his thumb while tugging at his cravat and shaking his head slightly. Then he brushed imaginary dust off his coat and slipped his pipe into its strap. _Zoro would kill you if it meant he couldn't fight Mihawk._

Ace-nii stiffened, frowned, and touched the scars on the left side of his face. _What would they do if they found out about Dad?_

I shuddered and snapped my fingers. _Plus we might have to see Gramps more often._

Smiling, Luffy clapped twice and mimed drinking sake. _Together then?_

As one, my brothers and I raised our left hands in the air, middle fingers extended. "We'd say go to the Ninth Hell you shitty marines!"

Aokiji chuckled as we took off running. Looking back, I saw the admiral heading in the direction of Tonjit's yurt. Hmm, maybe his ice powers could help the old nomad catch up to his tribe despite the high tide.

My brothers and I laughed as we ran. "We should teach everyone quiet-speak," I suggested. "I'm already starting Coby."

"Been teaching Llama," Ace admitted. Luffy shot him a hurt look.

"Why didn't you tell us? At least Blue told…"

"Sorry. Didn't think." Ace-nii shrugged. "Helps keep me awake when I'm on watch with her. If I nod off she uses me for explosives experiments."

We weighed anchor as soon as we were aboard the _Merry_. Zoro's eyes flicked over the four of us, noting our relatively intact state. "Did you win?"

"No." Nii-chan shook his head. "We couldn't- he was at least as strong as Gramps. Admiral Bluebird just let us go."

"After asking a stupid question," Ace-nii added. I nodded.

"We're terrified of him, but we're all as stubborn as Gramps. What did Aokiji _think_ we'd say?"

Sabo-nii shrugged. "To be fair, the fact that _we're_ the grandchildren Garp always talks about is still fairly new to most of the marines. It may not have fully registered yet. And I _did_ mention that I'm adopted."

"Enough!" Nii-chan bounced in place. "We're away, we're together, and marines are boring! Let's talk about something else!"

"Right." Sabo-nii gathered the entire crew close with a nod. "Sora, if I remember correctly you've previously expressed interest in how Blue and I communicate without words."

"A little. It's kinda creepy."

"Well, we're going to teach you _all_ how to do the same. It's a trick the four of us have been using since we were little- Blue calls it quiet-speak."

Luffy bounced onto Zoro's shoulders. "The most important thing about quiet-speak is that Gramps and Dadan aren't allowed to know it! Magra and Dogra neither! But Makino knows... She helps us hide from Gramps and reads us letters from Shanks!"

I giggled. "Nii-chan's right- that _is_ important- but the real most important thing is that quiet-speak is really variable. Any action can mean different things depending on context. It's more knowing each other _really_ well than a set code."

Usopp looked around uncertainly. " _Do_ we know each other well enough?"

Ace-nii grinned as he retrieved all our rum from the liquor cabinet. There was a surprising amount. "By the time we're through with you, you will."

Our sniper gulped. Conis raised a hand. "And what does getting to know each other entail?"

"Step one is truth or dare- Monkey D style."

Bon-chan twirled. "I love truth or dare!" Behind our okama, Ghin sighed and pressed his forehead into his jar of dirt.

"And everyone wonders why I call you one of the kids…"

Kaya looked at the rum Ace was carrying with amusement. "I take it there are special rules to this version of the game Ace-san? There was never quite so much alcohol involved when Usopp-kun and I used to play."

"Yep." Ace-nii handed each crew member three bottles. "First, you're not allowed to forfeit or pass or whatever. Gotta answer the question or do the dare no matter what."

"Second," Sabo-nii added, somehow retrieving every cushion on the ship to set up a comfy ring on deck, "After every truth you have to take a drink."

Nii-chan forcibly dragged everyone down to sit in the cushion ring. "Third's that whatever you say or do stays with whoever was playing. Don't tell Gramps or Dadan!"

"And fourth," I leaned on Coby, "If we catch you lying, you have to take off one article of clothing." At that revelation, everyone stared at Usopp. Our sniper gulped and rubbed his nose.

As he often had back on Mount Corvo, Luffy started. "Shishishi! Llama, truth or dare?"

"Truth." Llama uncorked her bottle, making a face at the smell of rum.

"Where do you keep your stick?"

"In my scarf." Our explosives expert kept a totally straight face as she took her drink. I couldn't tell if she was lying or not. How was it possible to keep a stick in a scarf? But no one called her out on it, unable to tell if Llama _did_ know a way. The tiny girl turned to Bon-chan.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Our okama somehow managed to twirl while sitting. Llama edged over so she was partially hidden behind Sanji.

"I dare you to turn into Zoro and kiss Zoro."

"What?!" Our first mate sputtered. By the time he tried to move though, it was too late. Green heads met as Bon-chan swiftly lay one on our stunned swordsman- no hesitation whatsoever. There was a clicking noise from near Nami; Warner was out, the picture den-den munching innocently on a lettuce leaf as it watched everyone intently.

Luffy pouted, looking confused. "I wanted to do that," he whispered. I'm pretty sure no one but me and Kaya heard him.

Turning back to normal, Bon-chan faced Chopper. "Truth or dare?"

Our little doctor looked nervous, but bit his lip determinedly. "Dare."

"I dare you to hang upside down from Sora's tail until your next turn."

My cousin obligingly put out his tail. Chopper took some time to get in position- hanging upside down wasn't easy with his little hooves. Once he was finally secure he turned his head to look at Usopp. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth!" As if. I wasn't sure if Usopp would manage that, even if he tried.

"Did you really find a secret treasure when you were six that made you immune to Ace's flames?"

"Of cou- ow!" Usopp was cut off as Ace-nii set his pants on fire. Kaya smiled.

"I believe this means you forfeit an article of clothing Usopp-kun."

Our sniper sighed, took his drink, and removed one of his shoes. Then he looked at Ghin. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to kiss Bon-chan- _without_ him changing to look like anybody else!"

Ghin glared at Usopp as he leaned over towards our okama. As before, Bon-chan had no apparent qualms about taking part in a kissing dare. Our tattoo artist, on the other hand… He kept the kiss quick, looked around in embarrassment, and immediately hid his face in his jar of dirt. "Sanji, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to be nice to Zoro for the rest of the night."

Our cook looked flabbergasted. He opened his mouth, about to protest, but was cut off by a lick of fire leaping from Ace-nii. "Alright, fine. Mari- Shrubbery," I could see how much it hurt Sanji to use the nickname Zoro liked slightly better, "Truth or dare?"

"Truth!" Zoro downed his drink pre-emptively.

"How do you talk with a sword in your mouth?"

Zoro shrugged. "I just do. Lots of practice I guess. Why? You jealous Swirly-Brows?"

"Why would I be jealous of a shi- I mean, no, just curious." Sanji glowered at Ghin.

Smirking, Zoro looked at Nami. "Oi Witch, truth or dare?"

"Truth. And just because Sanji can't get angry at you doesn't mean I won't." Nami hit Zoro over the head. He rubbed the lump she left.

"Tch… How do you manage to hurt Luffy by punching him? Even Ace and Sabo can't do that."

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Other than that, I really have no idea. Conis, truth or dare?" Nami took her drink.

"Dare."

"I dare you to hug Zoro and stay there all night." Nami glanced at Nii-chan with a devious smirk. My brother pouted and turned red as Conis did as she was told.

"Sabo, truth or dare?"

"Truth." I'm pretty sure Sabo-nii didn't really drink, but I'd never caught him at it. Then again, I'd never seen him drunk either. He probably had something hidden in his waistcoat or something to hide the rum. Although it looked convincing when he took a sip.

"What do you four dream about when you're alone?"

My blond brother paled; Ace and Luffy tensed. I held my breath. Then Sabo let out a shaky laugh. "Fire… Just fire and being separated. We were almost killed that way as kids, so it's a bit of a sore spot. Please don't ask any further."

"I'm sorry…"

Sabo-nii waved a hand. "It's alright. You're a therapist; it's your job to ask about such things. But we're not ready yet and truth or dare isn't an appropriate time." My brother then turned to Kaya. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth, of course." Our nurse smiled.

"Would you _really_ sneak your experiments into the food if you got the chance?"

Her smile became terrifyingly sweet. "Sabo-san… I already do. You don't really think Sanji could keep me out of the kitchen, do you? But I always slip the antidotes in too. No one's ever in any danger."

If it was a lie, no one was willing to call her out on it. Kaya sipped her drink and selected her victim. "Robin, truth or dare?"

"Hmmm…Truth." Robin's eyes were guarded.

"Where did you learn to read the poneglyphs?"

Our archaeologist paled. Then she shook her head. "From a man I met in a bar." She took off her shirt without anyone having to call her out on the lie, leaving her black bra on display. A trickle of blood oozed from Sanji's nose.

"Tiger-chan, truth or dare?"

"Dare!" I cheered.

"I dare you to make out with Pink-kun in front of Fire-san."

Ooh, she was being mean. That would give Ace-nii a headache and put Coby in danger. I shifted over so I was in my boyfriend's lap, facing him. Behind me I could already hear flames rising from Ace's ears. Coby had turned almost as pink as his hair. I pulled him down into a rough kiss, more or less forcing his lips open with my tongue since he was too stunned to move. Eventually he caught on; we continued until we both ran out of breath. I was panting when we broke apart, and very carefully not looking at my fiery brother.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Coby gasped. "I don't think I have the energy for a dare right now Bluejay-san."

"Why do you still call me -san?"

Coby sipped his rum. "Because I have a lot of respect for you and your abilities… And I can't come up with any nicknames I like. If I called you Blue-chan I'd sound like Sanji."

That was a fair enough answer. I turned around and faced the rest of the group, still in Coby's lap. He rested his chin on my head as he looked around. I could feel the devilish grin that appeared on his face. "Ace-san, truth or dare?"

"Dare! Like Hell I'll lose to you!" And there went my brother's famous temper.

"Alright. I dare you to grope Sabo-san. _Thoroughly_."

"What?!" Both Ace and Sabo screeched in unison. But they couldn't back out of rules they themselves had made. Edging over to Sabo-nii, Ace-nii hugged our blond brother from behind and unceremoniously shoved a hand down his pants. There was a very… _interesting_ show as they both turned bright red, Sabo tensing, then going limp in Ace's lap. Ace-nii made a face that promised Coby future pain while at the same time apologising to Sabo-nii.

"Sora," my eldest brother ground out, "Truth or dare?"

"Truth!" my cousin squeaked, his tail trembling. Chopper, still hanging there upside down, clung tighter.

"No! Pick dare dammit!"

Sora shook his head. "Nope. You'll just make me do something that humiliates both me and Coby."

"Arrgh! Fine! What would your birth family do if they found out Blue was dating?"

My cousin blinked in confusion as he took his drink. "Not sure. Brandy and Uncle J would probably give Coby the mother of all shovel talks and make him help pour concrete- Uncle J was always building something. Camy would laugh his ass off and not care. Great-Grandpa Krauss would probably put Coby- any prospective boyfriend really- through boot camp."

Ace-nii huffed. "None of those are what I want…"

Sora shrugged. "Not everyone's as protective as you. Captain Luffy, truth or dare?"

"Dare! They're more fun!"

"Not always." Sora's dragon teeth showed as he grinned. "I dare you to eat nothing but vegetables for the rest of the evening. No meat or sweets til tomorrow captain."

"Noooooo!" Nii-chan broke down in a comical wail, falling to his knees. A still red, floppy Sabo-nii shot Ace-nii an incredulous look.

"Why did we never think of that?"

"Beats me. You're supposed to be the smart one."

Pouting (and immediately munching on a carrot stick), my rubber brother looked over at our resident raptor. "Ne, Captain Snappy, truth or dare?"

"Gra?"

Zoro reached over to hit Nii-chan over the head. "You can't ask him! He doesn't understand complicated things!"

"Neither do I," Luffy whined, rubbing his head. Our first mate shook his head.

"You can talk; Snappy can't. He's not playing."

"Fine." My brother thought for a minute, then chose Chopper so the reindeer could stop hanging upside down. And so the game went on…


	23. Beyond Repair

**A/N: Remember how a bunch of people wanted to see Blue get her period? Well, this was written while I was on my period, so it should be pretty accurate. Hopefully. Unless my periods are different than normal people's, which could be true.**

I had been napping in the rigging when a stab of pain ran through my gut, waking me. Surprised, I tumbled to the deck- which given the way my nerves were screwed up, hurt much less than my cramping abdominal muscles. I groaned and curled up in a little ball. While that did lessen the ache slightly, it also had the unwanted side-effect of letting Luffy know I wasn't well.

"Chopper! Blue's hurt!" Nii-chan crouched beside me and patted my head. "What's wrong? Did Admiral Bluebird get you the other day and we didn't notice? You're not supposed to hide things like that!"

"No," I mumbled into the wood of the deck. Damn, I had no idea where this pain was coming from. It couldn't be food poisoning- Sanji would never let that happen. And surely Kaya would've warned me if she was experimenting on something new.

"Gah! Hurry Chopper! She's bleeding!"

Seconds later came the sound of tiny hooves running across the deck. Chopper paused beside me and sniffed. I peered up at him through my bangs as our doctor began to stutter and fidget.

"Um, Luffy, you really need Kaya right now, not me. Bluejay isn't injured."

"But she's in pain and bleeding! If there's enough pain for Blue to feel it, it's gotta be bad!"

"While I agree she's in pain, there isn't anything I can do. This is a perfectly normal- if unpleasant- part of growing up for human females. Actually, given Bluejay's age, I'm surprised it hasn't been happening for a year or so already."

"What?! What is it?"

"Bluejay-san is having her first period." Kaya appeared as if summoned by my distress, a small (and for once, non-threatening) smile on her face. Nii-chan perked up.

"I know what that is! It means Blue's like Dadan and Makino now! Once a month she'll get really grumpy, and if she sleeps with Coby she can have babies!"

"Technically yes, although for her health and that of her possible children she should wait at least two more years before attempting to do so. Bluejay-san isn't done growing herself yet."

Chopper shuddered. "Can you imagine what Ace would do to Coby if Bluejay got pregnant? What Sabo would do?"

"Not allowed to do anything," I muttered. "My boyfriend, my choices." A spectacular stab of pain hit, shutting me up. I felt like I might vomit. Nii-chan giggled.

"Then imagine after the baby was born! I'd be an uncle!"

Chopper shrank slightly at that idea. I growled and bit my brother's nearest hand. No, I didn't want to think about having kids right now thank you very much. Kaya apparently guessed what would happen if I was left alone with Nii-chan much longer, as she gently hauled me to my feet and led me to the head.

Luckily with as many women as we had on the crew we had a large supply of tampons and pads. After a brief lesson from Kaya I moved from the head to the galley, feeling like I was wearing a diaper. I sat on one of the benches with a thud and proceeded to flop forwards onto the table, head resting on my forearms.

"You better not be here to raid," Sanji informed me as he made lunch. I growled incoherent obscenities at him in three languages, but didn't move. As if I could eat with cramps like these.

Ace-nii marched in, swiping an apple from the fridge even as Sanji swung a foot through his bandaged shoulder, and sat down across from me. "You okay Blue?" my eldest brother asked with his mouth full.

"No I'm not bloody okay! I'm sore and nauseous and I feel like I'm wearing a diaper! Plus Nii-chan wants me to fuck Coby and have kids so he can be a shitty uncle! Periods suck!"

Twin thuds sounded as both Ace-nii and Sanji fainted. I was mildly surprised, having expected my firecracker of a brother to fly off into raging denial. Ah well, he'd get around to it eventually. Deciding that I'd been wrong and that I _could_ eat with my cramps, I took advantage of Sanji's unconsciousness to liberate a tub of chocolate ice cream.

 **xXx**

I was just finishing my frozen treat when I heard Usopp call from the crow's nest. "Land ho! It's a… train station?"

Well, that was certainly an odd thing to find in the middle of the sea. Luffy and Chopper immediately ran to the rail to ooh and ah at the floating tracks. Normally I would have too, but at the moment it was more comfortable to curl up in a corner. Besides, I wanted to make Coby a scarf- a navy blue one with little white skulls for a good little justice-pirate.

Sabo-nii sat down beside me as I started knitting. He had a sheaf of papers in his hands- one of the files he'd stolen from G8. "Good afternoon Blue."

"No it's not."

My brother was taken aback by my sullen response. "Is there a reason you're acting like Ace after someone compares him and Lu to Roger?"

"Periods suck. I'm sore and hot and sticky and my pad feels like I'm wearing a diaper."

"I see." Sabo hummed in consideration. "Well, my- the woman who gave birth to me used to take hot baths to help her feel better. They were awful things full of bubbles and perfumed soaps, but in theory…"

"Can't heat up the bath barrel right now. Ace-nii's passed out in the galley."

"One of his fits already? His narcolepsy doesn't usually catch up with him until around three."

"No. He fainted when he heard I was having a period."

Blue eyes went wide. "Ace _fainted_? _Really_? Was anyone there? Did they get pictures?"

"No pictures. Sanji was there, but he fainted too so I don't think he saw."

"I'm going to lord this over him _forever_ ," Sabo said smugly. "Our oh-so-mighty eldest _fainted_ from hearing about a little blood. I should tell Bon-chan so the whole crew knows by the time Ace wakes up."

Despite what he said, Sabo-nii made no move to leave my side. Instead he began flipping through the file he'd brought. I glanced at the label. It was a file on… us? "Anything good?"

"No, nothing particularly interesting. I'm sure they'll be adding our relationship with Garp now that it's known, but other than that… They don't know that you're dating Coby or that Sora's in a long-distance relationship with Vivi- thank the gods for that one. There _is_ a note here that most low-ranking marines are terrified of you and Ace, and a few officers have referred to your Tiger Style as disgusting and uncivilized. All in all, they're not sure if we're a threat or not. How disappointing."

Indeed it was. Hopefully the other files Sabo-nii had stolen would yield something useful, either for us or for Dad. Although Dad might like some of the pictures that had been rejected as possibilities for our bounty posters. There was quite a nice one of Ace-nii throwing Captain Nezumi into a dead tree back in Cocoyashi Village.

A giant frog leapt over the _Merry_ as we approached the floating train station, landing on the tracks at the same moment a whistle sounded. Seconds later, a smoking dragon of a steam engine roared over the horizon. Frog and train met with a meaty thud. The battle-scarred amphibian was thrown off to the side. He splashed down into the sea, surfacing moments later to glare after the retreating train.

Ghin stared at the frog and the locomotive with a flat expression. "I really, really wish I was as surprised by that as I would have been six months ago. Now the only surprising part is that someone else thought of it before Usopp and the Donna."

I stared after the departing locomotive, wondering how fast Ace-nii could make it go. Would he work better in the engine as the boiler fire, or on the back as a rocket? Would rocket-style propulsion even work on a train?

Moments later we arrived at the floating train station. We were greeted by a little old lady in a conductor's cap, a young girl, and a blue rabbit. The old woman held a half-empty bottle in one hand and was at least three sheets to the wind. I groaned and tried to plug my nose with scrap wool. The smell of the old lady's grog made me even more nauseous.

"Look Granny Kokoro! Pirates!"

"I see them dear. Both ships."

"Silly Granny. There's only one ship there."

The old lady squinted at us. "You're right Chimney. My eyes must be going- maybe I _should_ get glasses like Iceberg's been saying."

Nii-chan bounced at the rail. "That was so cool! The frog was all slam and the train went like whoosh and the frog was all splash! Does that happen a lot?"

"Every day." The old lady shook her head. "Yokozuna's challenged the sea train every day for years. It took someone important from us a long time ago- he's trying to get stronger, hoping that if he's strong enough to beat the train he'll never lose one of us again."

"Wah! That's so sad!" Usopp started to bawl and hugged the nearest person- who happened to be Zoro. Our first mate shoved our sniper overboard. Usopp reappeared a moment later, sputtering, and climbed back onto the boat using one of Luffy's arms.

"That little ship of yours is in pretty sad shape." Kokoro eyed the _Merry_ as she took a swig from her bottle. "Where're you kids from?"

"East Blue." Nii-chan patted our home affectionately. "Yeah, she's definitely been through a lot. Usopp does his best, but…" He sighed. "Robin says we should get a shipwright to look at _Merry_ in Water Seven."

"They _are_ the best in the world." Granny Kokoro looked over each member of our crew. Her gaze lingered longest on Nii-chan and a freshly-awakened Ace-nii. "Straw Hat… There's something familiar about you. Who are you kids? Why did you set out to sea?"

"Monkey D Luffy! I'm gonna be king of the pirates!"

"Por…" Ace-nii shook his head and changed his mind at the last minute. I wondered why. "Monkey D Ace. I want people to remember me for my own actions, not those of my family."

"Monkey D Sabo. I want to be free and write a book about our adventures."

"Monkey D Bluejay Jones. I'll break the curse of Davy Jones."

"Coby. I fight for true justice."

"Roronoa Zoro. Someday I'll be the world's greatest swordsman."

"Nami. I'm working on a detailed map of the entire world."

"Usopp. I want to be a brave warrior of the sea like my father."

"Kaya. _Somebody_ needs to make sure Zoro-san and Bluejay-san keep their bandages on. As for personal goals…" Kaya smiled at Usopp in a way that was somehow both dainty and lecherous.

Sanji mumbled something through his cigarette before saying his name. "Sanji. I'm searching for the All Blue."

"Ghin. No real goal- I'm here out of loyalty. The kids saved my life and were the first ones to show me real kindness in a long time."

"Tony-Tony Chopper! I'm gonna find a cure for every disease in the world!"

"Sora Verne. I- I'm not really sure what I want at the moment. To protect those dear to me, I guess."

"Nico Robin. I want to find the Rio Poneglyph and learn the secrets of the Void Century."

"My name is Bon-Clay Bentham, but my friends call me Bon-chan!" Our okama twirled. "I dream of a place where everyone is accepted and fabulous regardless of their orientation and choices!"

"Llama. I just want a big, crazy family that likes me for me."

"And I'm Conis. I'm working on a thesis on pirate psychology for my PhD."

Granny Kokoro laughed. "Such an interesting barrel of monkeys." Her eyes twinkled. I groaned, both at the lame pun and at a stab of pain running through my abdomen.

"More to the point," Kokoro chuckled, "I think I know the Monkeys' uncle. Lulu and Acey both look like a certain previous pirate king. Trying to keep it in the family eh?"

"We're _not_ related to _that man_ ," Ace-nii said stiffly. Kokoro smiled.

"Of course not." The old lady waved one hand dismissively. "Wait right there pirate princes; I've got something for ya."

Kokoro went inside for a few minutes. When she came out again she had a letter in her hand; she passed it to Nii-chan. "When you get to Water Seven, go to the Galley-La Company and give this to Iceberg. His people are the best; they'll take good care of your ship. And tell him Kokoro says hi and to expect me during Aqua Laguna as usual."

"Okay!" Nii-chan moved to tuck the letter into the ribbon of his hat. Nami snatched it from him.

"Let me hang onto that. Wouldn't want you losing it."

"Shishishi! Okay Nami!"

"Actually," Sabo-nii put in, "Lu's never lost something someone tucked in his hat. Makino and Dadan used to send notes to each other that way, since they didn't want Gramps to know they were in contact."

Our crew shot my blond brother incredulous looks. He shrugged. "What? Gramps thought Makino was too soft on us and shouldn't be raising his little marines; Dadan needed help dealing with kids."

 **LLAMA**

The demolitions expert was in the crow's nest as the _Going Merry_ approached Water Seven. Her first thought was that it must take an awful lot of power to pump all that water up to that huge fountain. Llama stared curiously, trying to figure out how that would work. She was hampered by her lack of understanding when it came to plumbing and fluid dynamics. Chemistry was the only science that truly clicked for her- fire was pretty.

Footsteps on the ladder announced she had a visitor. "Lamb-chan, would you like some blueberry crisp with vanilla ice cream?"

Llama accepted the dessert from Sanji without a word. She must've been his last delivery this time, as the cook sat down beside her in the cramped space of the crow's nest. At first the tiny girl had been suspicious of Sanji's noodle-dancing and heart eyes, but not anymore- when it came to her and Bluejay, he treated them more as younger siblings than… Whatever it was he did around other girls. This was possibly under the threat of Ace. Whatever the reason, Llama was grateful.

"Looking forward to a little shore leave?" Sanji somehow managed to blow smoke rings with his cigarette. Llama wondered if she should get the cook a pipe for his next birthday.

"Yeah. I need more sulphur, phosphorus, aluminum, iron filings, and charcoal."

"Low on bombs?" Sanji huffed worriedly. "Do you know how to fight without them? Knowing our shitty captain, you won't get a chance to restock until _after_ we get into eight kinds of trouble."

"I have my stick." Llama pulled out said weapon to demonstrate, waving it around. Sanji frowned.

"Where do you even keep that thing? Your scarf story's bullshit- no way would that work."

"In a pocket dimension woven from strands of mist and the tears of unlucky sailors, which is tied into the underside of my scarf using a thread spun from dreams and Zoro's sense of direction."

The cook groaned. "If you don't want to tell us, just say so."

 **xXx**

When they got to Water Seven, the Straw Hats drew straws to determine who would do what. Llama was disappointed by her result. She had hoped to be on the restocking team so she could get more chemicals before the anticipated chaos arrived. Instead she was with Usopp, Kaya, and Nami. Their mission: to go to a bank and change assorted treasure from Skypeia and the Rainbow Mist into useable beri.

Transport in Water Seven was accomplished via small, sea king-like creatures called yagura bulls. Llama was suspicious of the beasts- one of them tried to eat her scarf. The rental man looked at her oddly when she whacked it on the nose with her stick in retaliation.

Llama wasn't really sure why they needed four people for this job- Nami and Kaya alone would've sufficed. They were excellent at bargaining. Were she and Usopp supposed to be the muscle? Maybe; there was rather a lot of gold to carry and it was quite heavy. But then why not ask Ace or Zoro to come- or even Ghin- straws be damned?

"300,000,000 beri!" Nami cheered as they exited the bank. Usopp was carrying the suitcase that held their newly-acquired cash. Llama frowned. Should Nami really be so loud about it? They didn't have any of their front-line fighters with them- what if they were mugged?

"I'll go find Luffy and tell him how much we have for repairs," the navigator continued. "You three get the money back to the ship."

"Of course Nami-san." Kaya smiled. "Be careful; big cities like this are dangerous to travel alone."

"Don't worry; unlike the Monkeys, I'm always careful. I'll see you later. And Usopp…" Nami's eyes glinted dangerously. "Don't you dare lose that money!"

"I won't!"

The navigator took off running, up and over the city rooftops. Kaya took the lead as the remaining three headed back to the _Merry_ , Usopp and the money placed protectively in the middle. They decided to walk back instead of riding the yagura bulls after the one Llama had rented nearly threw Usopp into a canal.

After a few blocks Llama smelled something off. Sweat and grease were common scents in Water Seven- it _was_ a shipping center- but rancid alcohol, spilt cola, and stale pizza were not. Once she'd determined the source of the smell was definitely following them, Llama signalled Kaya by clearing her throat and humming two warning notes. The nurse discreetly slipped her needles into her hands and prepped them.

When the funkily dressed thugs finally jumped them, Llama and Kaya were ready. A Green Star and a few powerful sedatives dropped the muggers like stones. The men were singed and unconscious, their clothes partially eaten by corrosive gas. Usopp shuddered.

"Thanks. I don't think I could've taken them all out on my own."

Kaya patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll protect you. That's what friends are for." Usopp immediately checked his shoulder for needles or puncture marks, but there was nothing. The nurse was simply trying to be comforting for once.

Llama poked at a couple of the unconscious figures. All their clothing had similar colour schemes and symbols, as if they were part of a gang. Although the demolitions expert couldn't understand why a gang would choose hot pink and lime green for two of its colours. Maybe they were trying to blind their opponents?

 **SORA**

"Alright, next is… the bookstore!" Sora glanced up from the shopping list to the little reindeer riding on his head. They had decided that was the safest place for Chopper after a large dog at the pet store had tried to eat him.

The doctor cheered. "Yay! I need a better book on herbal medicines, one on acupuncture, and- ooh! The latest issue of _Surgeon's Quarterly_ should be out! I heard there was gonna bean interview with an amazing doctor who's also a pirate! His name's… Law! Or something like that…"

Sora chuckled. "Odd name for a pirate."

Beside him, Robin smiled. "Yes, it _is_ rather ironic. Though I wonder why he would agree to an interview. Mightn't it heighten his chances of getting caught?"

"Maybe he has something really important to say," Ghin suggested. The tattoo artist, along with Bon-chan and Sanji, had somehow become a designated bag-carrier. Sora would probably meet the same fate after the bookstore.

Once inside the bookstore the Straw Hats split up. There were no dogs there to go after Chopper, after all. The doctor ran off to look for his medical books; Sanji went browsing through the recipes. Ghin was looking for art books while Bon-chan picked through fashion magazines and trashy tabloids with glee. Robin vanished into the history section.

Sora was looking at volumes of fairy tales when he saw something gleam under the edge of a shelf. It was a gold button, probably popped off of some rich merchant's vest. The zoan user pocketed it. Bluejay could probably use it, he reasoned. It was exactly the same as the ones she was sewing on Sabo's new coat.

On the other side of the shelf Sora suddenly heard Robin's voice. She sounded frightened. With the lengthy, floor-to-ceiling shelves though, there was no way for him to get to her quickly. "Who are you? What do you want?"

"CP9."

Robin sounded defeated when she spoke again. "A-alright. Just- don't hurt the others, please. Let the Straw Hats go and I'll come quietly."

There was no answer. Sora ran around the book-filled barrier as quickly as he could, partially transforming as he went. But by the time myth became history, Robin was nowhere to be seen. Nor was there any sign of the person she'd been speaking to.

"Crap." Sora bit his lip. What would Captain Luffy say? Sora had been so close- he should've been able to prevent it. If only he'd been a little faster! Guilt gnawed at the zoan user's stomach.

"Chopper!" Sora rushed to the medical section and grabbed the doctor. "Chopper, can you track people by scent?"

"A little. Captain Snappy's better at it though; predators often are. Why?"

"Robin's disappeared. I think she's been kidnapped and my nose isn't good enough for tracking."

The little doctor's eyes went wide and watery. "That's terrible!" He changed to his full reindeer form as they raced back to the history section, sniffing around desperately. The pirates ignored the shocked looks of the other patrons.

Sanji appeared not long after, as if summoned by the thought of a lady in distress. "What's wrong? Where's Robin-swan?"

"Kidnapped." Sora hung his head. "I heard her talking to someone- she sounded scared- and when I got round the corner there was no sign of anybody."

"I can't track her!" Chopper bawled. "Robin's scent is definitely here and there's definitely another with hers, but they both just vanish!"

Curly eyebrows creased into an uncharacteristically sharp frown. "You said she was talking to someone- what'd the shithead sound like? What'd he say?"

"All I caught were the words CP9. Does that mean anything?"

Sanji sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "It means it's not as bad as I thought, but it's still bad. We'd better get back to the _Merry_ and call the shitty Monkeys' dad, see if he can tell us anything. I don't know as much about CP9 as I do about Ger- the shitheads I thought it might've been."

The cook took off to round up Ghin and Bon-chan. Sora buried a hand in Chopper's neck fur and petted absently as they headed for the cash. How could he have let this happen? They _knew_ people had a special interest in Robin and Sabo- what had possessed him to let the archaeologist go off alone?

"It's not your fault," Chopper assured his fellow zoan with a sniffle. Sora blinked.

"Huh?"

"You couldn't possibly have known Robin was in danger in a bookstore- it's not your fault she disappeared."

"But I was so close!" The rainbow serpent slumped. "So close but unable to do anything because the bookshelves were in my way."

"We'll get her back." Chopper's smile was watery, but full of hope. "Sabo and Bluejay will come up with a plan, then Luffy and Ace will beat up whoever's responsible and everything will be alright. Then we'll party, fix the _Merry_ , and head to our next adventure!"

"Yeah…" Sora straightened and forced a small smile. Now he was disappointed in himself for losing faith in his captain and crew. "You're right; we'll get Robin back somehow. Thanks Chopper."

 **BLUEJAY**

"But it's cheaper to just rent two big ones!" Ace-nii protested. I frowned and crossed my arms.

"I want to ride by myself." The small bull I'd been looking at butted its nose into my hand. I patted it absently, never breaking eye contact with my eldest brother.

"Lu and Sabo are riding together!"

"Do I look like Nii-chan to you?"

"No…"Ace tried to imitate Luffy's cute pout. Since Ace-nii was neither rubber nor adorable it didn't go well. "Why don't you wanna ride with me Blue? Is it cause I fainted when you told me you were on your period? I said I was sorry!"

"What's the big deal? I'll still be right behind you!" A particularly bad cramp ran through my abdomen; I flinched and pressed one hand to my stomach.

"Idiot." Ace-nii thumped me on the head and pulled me into a hug with my back pressed against his chest. Large hands covered my middle, surrounding me with heat. Ooh, that felt nice. My muscles sighed in relief. "Don't try to hide when you're in pain. I'm the oldest; it's my job to look after the rest of you."

"Then who looks after you?" Oh, why had I protested riding with Ace? He already knew I was in pain, so there was no way I could hide it, and my brother was a human heating pad. This felt wonderful.

Ace-nii smiled. "I'm sure you'll manage between the three of you."

In the end I relented and rode double with my eldest brother. Spade wobbled to the edge of Ace-nii's hat and flopped his way down to my head as we made our way to the main Galley-La shipyard. I smiled and patted the little bird with one finger, only to feel a sharp beak close over my knuckle.

"Hey! What was that for?!"

Chuckling, Ace took his pet back. "Okay, apparently whatever made the tiger love you doesn't work on birds. Good to know."

His observation was revised moments later. Birds _hated_ me. As we arrived at Galley-La a white pigeon flew at me with murder in its eyes. I batted it away as tiny claws dug into the back of my hand. Dazed and defeated, the pigeon flew away and lit on the shoulder of a man with long, curly black hair and a top hat.

Leaping off the yagura bull he and Sabo were riding, Luffy bounced over to the pigeon man. "Yo! Is there an Iceburg around here?"

"Iceberg," I corrected. Nii-chan blinked.

"Is there a difference?"

"Yes. A burg is a fortress; a berg is a mountain."

"So Iceberg means ice mountain? Cool!"

The pigeon man heaved a silent sigh at our antics. He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb, indicating a man with blue hair in a pinstripe suit. Nii-chan beamed as the rest of us dismounted the yagura bulls.

"Hey Ice-Mountain!" My brother bounced over to the suited man and his scantily-clad secretary. "Granny Train-Lady gave us a letter to give to you!" Luffy reached for the ribbon of his hat, but his face fell. "Nami still has it though."

Iceberg laughed. "That's alright. Let me guess- Kokoro sent you to me because you have a ship in need of repairs?"

"Right!" Nii-chan described in detail the isolated bay where we'd left the _Merry_ \- although I doubt Iceberg understood the accompanying hand gestures. The shipwright nodded.

"I'll send one of my men over to have a look at what needs to be done. Kaku!"

 _Square Usopp!_ I signed to my brothers as a blond man with a baseball cap nodded. All four of us stifled laughter.

"Back in a jiffy boss!" The blond took off with an impressive display of parkour.

Almost immediately we heard shouting from the other direction. Another blond was approaching, this one scruffier and dressed all in denim. He had what appeared to be a group of debt collectors on his tail as he ran into the shipyard. They reminded me of the tax collectors and guards back on Dawn Island…

I launched myself away from Ace-nii without warning. No sword, no nekode- I dug into the ugly debt collectors with my bare hands. "Red Tigress Hunting Grounds!"

Moments later I stood alone in a ring of unconscious bodies, my stomach cramping but the rest of me wonderfully relaxed. That was some great stress relief. A number of armed shipwrights stared at me sullenly.

"We could've handled it," a man with a dramatic cowlick muttered.

Sabo-nii tipped his hat. "Forgive my sister; it's that time of the month."

Several men nodded understandingly. Iceberg sighed and rubbed his temples. "Paulie, I do wish you would stop gambling so much. Or at least stop losing. This happening every week is bad for business."

Paulie ignored him in favour of examining me closely. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable in my black tights and knee-high white socks. Why was he staring at my legs? I knew I was a little bow-legged, but no one had ever made such a big deal of it before.

"If you have something to say, say it to my face!" I snapped a kick into Paulie's chin at the same moment Ace launched a small Hiken.

"Eyes off my sister's ass!"

The shipwright was knocked into a wall, but endured the attacks surprisingly well. He blinked up at us dazedly. "I can't tell if your outfit counts as immodest or not. Do pants that tight hide anything?"

Iceberg's secretary adjusted her glasses with a sigh. "That's sexual harassment Paulie. Leave the poor girl alone."

"And you! Button your shirt properly and get a longer skirt! Scandalous woman…"

"Aaaaaaaand now you're harassing me."

 **Captain Snappy**

At first he thought it was Nose Who Lies returning early, but no… The hat, hair, and scent were wrong. Snappy butted Ma with his head as Strange Nose jumped down the hatch into the dens. Ma woke with a snort.

"What is it boy?"

Pink Fluff swung down from the sky-ropes. "I think he's excited because Usopp-san just got back. He's all alone though… We should make sure everything's alright."

The three of them went down into the dens after Strange Nose. They found him in the deepest part of Home that Floats and Flies, examining something through an open hatch. Ma frowned and drew White Sword.

"You're not Usopp… Who are you? What're you doing here?"

"Whoa, calm down there Torpedo, I'm not here to hurt anybody." Strange Nose held up his hands. "The big cheese sent me down here to check out this old girl, see if we can get her hitting on all sixes again."

Ma blinked. "You're a shipwright from that Galley-La place?"

"Absolutely. Name's Kaku. And you are?"

"Roronoa Zoro, first mate on this ship. These are Coby and Captain Snappy."

"Pleased to meet you Coby, though I'm afraid I can't say the same about the other little guy. Lizards give me the heebie-jeebies."

Captain Snappy hissed. That was fine by him; he didn't like Strange Nose either.

"So?" Ma sheathed White Sword but kept a hand on her hilt. "What's the verdict? Can you fix the _Merry_?"

Strange Nose stood and dusted off his jacket. "I'm afraid I don't have anything good to say- this old girl's really been through the ringer. I'll talk to the boss about her in case he knows something I don't, but her keel's split. I've never seen anything quite like it; I've also never known a ship to sail again after something happens to her keel."

"But _Merry_ 's our home!" Pink Fluff looked like he wasn't sure whether to be angry or cry. Snappy didn't understand. What was a keel and why did it matter if it was split? What was wrong with Home?

"Like I said, I'll tell the boss and see if he can think of anything. If anyone has a miracle up his sleeve that'll keep your girl running, it's Iceberg." With those words Strange Nose took off, as fast as Pink Fluff and as good a jumper as Fire that Protects.

 **BLUEJAY**

Kaku got back at the same time Nami arrived at the shipyard. Our navigator stepped over unconscious tax collectors without looking at them as she approached. "All that treasure we got was worth 300,000,000 beri. That's our repair budget."

"I don't think that'll fly Miss," the square-nosed shipwright said. He turned to Iceberg. "The old girl's keel is broken; looks like something sheered the wood in half lengthwise. I've never seen anything quite like it."

Iceberg frowned. "Neither have I. Do you have any idea what might've caused it?"

"No sir."

I raised my hand. "Flaming Ace rockets."

A pipe smacked me none-too-gently in the head. "Those were _your_ idea Blue."

Nii-chan looked at Iceberg expectantly. "Do we have enough? Can you fix _Merry_ for 300,000,000 beri?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Then we can get more!" Luffy's eyes lit up with determination. Iceberg shook his head.

"No, you don't understand. The keel is the first part of the ship to go in, the part all the others are attached to. To replace it we'd have to take the ship apart entirely and rebuild her. It would be a brand new ship. Even if we had the original plans it would never be exactly the same."

My rubber brother looked like he didn't get it. Luckily Sabo-nii was there with a Luffy-language explanation. "It's like the Straw Hat Pirates Lu. If something happened to you- even if the rest of us were alright- and we had to get a new captain, it wouldn't be the same. Crew dynamics would change; the name would change…"

"Oh." Nii-chan's face fell. "So it's a new ship either way… And what would happen if we keep sailing the _Merry_ as is?"

"She'd be a ticking time bomb- might fall apart under your feet if a strong enough wave hit."

We all paled. Our crew had so many Devil Fruit users- how many would drown if the _Merry_ broke apart without warning? Ace-nii, Nii-chan, Chopper, Robin, Llama, Bon-chan… Sora might survive by flying, but if the others weren't with the good swimmers like Zoro and Sabo-nii, it would be a disaster. Nii-chan shook his head.

"Too many of us can't swim; I won't risk it. Do you have a cat tree we can look at and get back to you later?"

"Catalogue," I corrected instinctively. Iceberg nodded and handed Nii-chan a thick pamphlet.

"They're nothing fancy, but we have s number of ships you could easily purchase for 300,000,000 beri or less. Take as much time as-!"

"Onii-sama, you forgot your lunch!" A girl a few years older than me vaulted over the fence into the shipyard. Her black hair was up in pigtails and she wore a red and white checked dress; a brown paper bag dangled from one of her hands.

Putting down what he was working on, the silent pigeon man smiled stiffly and nodded. The girl ran over and hugged him.

"Silly Onii-sama… What would you do without me?"

Pigeon man shrugged ad put the lunch by his toolbox. Iceberg sighed. "Lucci… How many times do I have to tell you? It's too dangerous for Wren to be coming in here all the time. She should ring the intercom snail and wait for you at the gate."

Lucci frowned; Wren pouted. "You don't have to worry about me Icy- Onii-sama taught me good."

"I'm sure he did, but a shipyard is no place to be running about like a little monkey. One of these days you'll miss a landing and turn your ankle, or fall on a nail or something. I just don't want to see you hurt."

Kaku laughed. "Aw, don't be so tough on her Boss. If she has to learn the hard way, she'll learn the hard way."

Cross from him, Paulie groaned. "Wren, you shouldn't be doing vaults like that in a dress- you're showing off your panties every time. Get some pants if you're gonna run around like a boy!"

"Quit harassing everyone!" Iceberg's secretary hit Paulie with her clipboard. He rubbed his head.

"Gah! I'm not wrong Kalifa; it wouldn't kill you girls to be a little more modest, sheesh."

We Straw Hats ignored the pair as they started to bicker. Nii-chan thumbed the pages of the Galley-La catalogue sadly. "Come on guys. Let's meet the others back at the _Merry_ and have a look."

Sabo-nii placed a comforting hand on Nii-chan's shoulder as we left. "I'm proud of you Lu. I know it's hard, but you're making the right decision."

"Yeah." Luffy's voice was devoid of his usual bubbly energy. " _Merry_ 's our home. I don't like having to replace her, but it's be eve worse if someone died cause I didn't."

 **xXx**

Ours was the first group back to the ship, though Usopp, Kaya, and Llama arrived moments later. Our sniper bounced excitedly as they approached. "So, was it enough? We can afford to fix the _Merry_ , right?"

Zoro and Coby frowned. Kaku must've said something to them while he was doing his assessment. Nii-chan stared at the deck.

"I wanna wait for the crew to be together to say."

Usopp's face fell. "It's that bad huh? Do we not have enough? I'm sure we can get more money- Ghin and I could sell some drawings, Ace and Nami could pick pockets. We're pirates! Getting more treasure won't take long."

It took an hour for the restocking group to arrive- during which time I finished Sabo-nii's new coat and got a good chunk of Coby's scarf done. When our shoppers returned, the rest of us tensed. Dread settled in the pit of my stomach. Robin was missing. Of the rest, Sora looked especially distraught.

"What happened?" Ace-nii demanded. "Where's Robin?"

"Scales said he heard her talking to someone about CP9 before she just vanished." Sanji took a drag on his cigarette. "We need to call your shitty father and see if he knows where they might've taken her. Can we fix the _Merry_ fast enough to go after them?"

"No." Straw shadowed brown eyes as Nii-chan hung his head. " _Merry_ can't be fixed _at all_. We have to get a new ship."

"What?!" Usopp was outraged. He glared at the catalogue in Luffy's hand. "Is that what _that_ 's for? Don't believe them Luffy; they're just trying to sell you something!"

Zoro shook his head. "It's true. Coby and I talked to the guy who was having a look around. He said fixing the _Going Merry_ would take a miracle."

"Well, we specialize in miracles on this crew, don't we?" Usopp looked desperate. "I- we can't just give up on the _Merry_! She's one of us! Like Spade, or Captain Snappy, or Zoro's swords!"

Conis stepped up. "I'm still not sure I believe that Zoro's swords talk, but if they do… If the _Going Merry_ has thoughts and feelings, imagine how she would feel if she broke apart and some of us got hurt or killed because of that."

Our sniper rounded on our therapist. "You don't get a say! You've barely been here more than a month and you're studying us because you think we're all crazy!"

Slap! Skin met skin as Kaya struck Usopp across the face. "Don't talk to Conis-san that way! She might not have been here that long, but _Merry_ -san is home to her just as much as the rest of us!"

Hurt and stunned, Usopp looked at Nii-chan. "Luffy, please… The _Merry_ has a spirit. I've seen her when I'm on watch at night. She helps me fix the ship… Keeps whispering about wanting to travel with us as long as possible."

"But it's _not_ possible." Nii-chan couldn't meet our sniper's eyes. I could hear the strain in his voice, how hard he was trying not to cry. "Conis's right. I won't risk anyone on a ship that might fall apart under us. It wouldn't be fair to us or _Merry_."

"So you'd leave her behind just because she's not useful anymore? Because sailing her's a risk? I thought you never backed down from risks Luffy; I never took you for a coward."

"Take that back!" Nii-chan's eyes blazed. The air grew heavy.

"No! Admit it- you're scared!"

"Fine! I'm scared- that doesn't make me a coward! It's not just _my_ life on the line! I'm the captain- I'm afraid for _everyone_ if we keep sailing the _Merry_! I don't want to lose my family!"

"Oh, but _Merry_ 's not family, is she? Just a liability." Usopp glared. "And what about me? I'm the weakest fighter, the liar… Any time someone needs to help me in battle they're at risk. Am I a liability too? Would you leave me behind if it became convenient?"

"Stop putting words in my mouth! I didn't say that!"

"I never figured you for the sort to let us down like this." Usopp turned his back on Nii-chan. Ghin glowered and opened his mouth to say something; Zoro held an arm in front of our tattoo artist and shook his head.

 _They need to work this out by themselves._

"Tonight." Usopp clenched his fists. "Fight me tonight Luffy- for real. Winner keeps the _Merry_." The sniper took off before my brother could answer.

Luffy bit his lip. "Everyone… We'd better pack. Whoever wins, we're not coming back."

Everyone was devastated. I was stunned. How could Usopp just leave like that? Didn't he understand that Nii-chan was just doing what he thought was best? My brother had a whole crew to look after.

"I saw a hotel not far from Galley-La," Nami offered hesitantly. Like that, the spell was broken. Everyone moved quickly to gather our things and get ready to leave.

"What're we gonna do about Robin?" Sora asked as he picked up one of Nami's mikan trees. Chopper butted his head into Sora's leg in a silent display of comfort.

"Sanji's right." Sabo-nii hefted Snowball, Blackstar, and Warner under one arm. "Once we get to the hotel we'll call Dad and see if he knows anything about this CP9."

 **xXx**

 _"Hello?"_

"Hi Dad." Nii-chan bit his lip as he stared at our den-den mushi. "I don't really wanna ask for help, but Sabo'n Sanji say we should, so… Do you know anything about CP9?"

Blackstar raised its eyebrows in imitation of our father. _"Some, naturally. They're a secret government agency of unknown number and composition, specializing in assassination and espionage. Why?"_

"Sora thinks they kidnapped Robin."

 _"Nico Robin? Your archaeologist? She could read the poneglyphs, correct?"_

"Yeah. They took her, but we don't know where. Do you?"

 _"Not off hand, no. CP9 don't have a set base of operations. Where are you right now?"_

"The Frothing Otter Hotel in Water Seven. It's right across from Blueno's Bar."

 _"Hmm… I don't know why CP9 would be in that area, but they're likely taking your crew mate to Ennies Lobby. It's the navy's major court of justice, and the fastest way to Impel Down prison. I- I have a couple agents vacationing in Water Seven right now. I'll send them to meet up with your crew tomorrow morning- you may need their help if you're planning what I think you're planning."_

"Okay. Thanks." Nii-chan picked his nose. "We don't have a plan yet though; Blue'n Sabo haven't had time for that."

 _"But whatever the plan ends up being, you're going to invade Ennies Lobby, aren't you?"_

"Of course! They took Robin!"

 _"…Did something else happen Luffy? You sound less like your grandfather than usual."_

"Lu had a big fight with our sniper," Ace-nii supplied when Nii-chan didn't say anything. "It was cause the ship's broken and Lu doesn't wanna risk anyone sailing with a split keel. Usopp left the crew cause he doesn't wanna replace the _Merry_."

 _"You made the right choice,"_ was Dad's immediate response. _"I know that ship was your home, but a good leader never puts a weapon or machine ahead of the lives of his men."_

"Thanks Dad." Nii-chan forced a smile.

 _"Yes, well… You kids know I'm proud of you, right? I know I'm not around, so it's not something you hear often enough…"_

"Don't get weird!" I butted in, pain in my stomach making me irritable. "We're used to it. Gramps and Dadan left us alone most of the time, so we're not used to adults being mushy."

Dad chuckled. _"Right. Well, my agents will be by first thing in the morning. I hope between you you'll be able to get Nico Robin back."_

Ka-clik! The call ended. My brothers and I stood and gathered the crew to head back to the _Merry_. No one wanted to see Luffy and Usopp fight, but at this point it was inevitable. I held Nii-chan's hand as we headed back to the hidden bay.

Usopp was already there. The sniper raised his slingshot and fired a round at my feet. "D-don't come any closer Bluejay! This is between me and Luffy!"

"Don't worry, I know." I let go of Nii-chan's hand and stood back with the rest of the crew. We all winced as the first Gomu-Gomu no Pistol hit home. I hoped Nii-chan didn't beat Usopp up too badly. The sniper had been a good friend, even if he was leaving us.

A number of Pepper Stars hit my brother in the face, leaving him blind and coughing. Usopp followed up with a Tabasco Star. I shook my head as Luffy spat and yelled, his eyes bulging. My rubber brother couldn't handle certain spices at all. Ace-nii facepalmed.

"Idiot Lu! Don't hit a long-range fighter from a distance! It puts him at an advantage!"

"Right!" Ni-chan charged at Usopp with a wild yell. When he was halfway to the sniper his footsteps set off a mine that filled the air with noxious smoke. Luffy paused to cover his nose; Usopp hit him with a round that exploded into sticky oil.

"Eugh! Gross!" Nii-chan dodged several more oil rounds; they broke against the ground, splashing over dirt and stone. "Shishishi! Missed me!"

"Did I? Firebird Star!" A flaming round shaped like a golden phoenix shot towards Luffy and the new oil slick.

Beside me, Ace-nii clenched his fists. "He wouldn't- that's low!"

Fire exploded over the ground, surrounding and engulfing Nii-chan. The heat set off mines full of gunpowder and more oil, spreading the blaze. Inside the inferno, Luffy screamed.

"But… Luffy-san has the same problems with fire as… That's just _cruel_." Coby shuddered.

"It's effective though," Conis observed. "Usopp certainly knows Luffy better than any of the captain's usual opponents; it's only logical to use that knowledge in a fight."

Nii-chan burst out of the flames, his fear and anger making the air throb. He glared at Usopp. "How could you… Even Gramps never did that!"

What followed was the most vicious fight I'd ever seen. Luffy closed in on the sniper, eschewing his usual stretchy fighting style for something more personal and feral- something like I would do. Usopp blocked with one of the dials he'd taken to experimenting with. Eventually the dial released a burst of kinetic energy that threw my brother into a shrapnel mine. Scrap metal tore into rubber.

Nii-chan spat blood before attacking again. His arm twisted as he stretched back, spinning when it snapped forwards to punch Usopp in the gut. "Gomu-Gomu no Rifle!"

The sniper was thrown into a rock hard enough that said rock shattered. This time it was Usopp's turn to spit blood as he rose. He was in the process of taking aim for another Firebird Star when Luffy charged in and tackled him. Rubber limbs wrapped around the long-nosed boy, pinning his limbs to his sides so he couldn't shoot.

"Gomu-Gomu no Bell!" Nii-chan slammed his forehead into Usopp's, leaving a bloody smear. The sniper was momentarily stunned. My brother used that pause to throw Usopp onto the ground and press one knee into his back. Despite the shadow cast by his hat, I could see tears in Nii-chan's eyes.

"I win… But you can have the _Merry_. Tomorrow we're getting a new ship and going after Robin. Goodbye Usopp."

Nii-chan let the sniper up and returned to the rest of us. My rubber brother wasn't the only one crying. Terrible sobs wracked Usopp's body as our crew turned and walked away. Kaya looked like she couldn't decide whether to kill someone or break down in tears; I resolved to give our nurse as much space as possible for the next twelve hours or so.

"You okay Blue?" I jumped when Sabo-nii placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah. Why?"

"You're crying. I don't remember the last time you cried."

I touched my face; my fingers came away wet. Huh. So I was. Stupid period hormones making me emotional. I wondered if it was somehow possible to kick their ass.

We were almost back at the hotel when our way was blocked by a gang of thugs dressed in bright, funky colours. Their leader was a blue-haired giant of a man who didn't seem to understand the meaning of pants. A black speedo left far too much hairy leg visible.

"Oi! Straw Hat!"

" _What_?" Nii-chan let out a burst of anger and sorrow as he spoke.

"You know what! Earlier today some of your girls beat up my boys; I'm here to take compensation outta your hide!"

Kaya smiled dangerously. "To be fair, your men did try to mug us."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Look, either you-!"

"Oh shut up!" I launched a flying kick into the man's groin. He doubled over in pain. "Lookit mister, we're not having a good day. We just lost our home and one of our crew. Another of our friends was kidnapped. On top of that I'm sore, sticky, and hormonal. So leave us the bloody Hells alone before I rip your spleen out and feed it to you!"

A random goon shuddered. "She's even worse than my Ma at a full moon."

The blue-haired man straightened and looked like he was about to speak, so I kicked him in the crotch again. This time he went down like a tree. His allies moved to attack me, but were stopped by flame, fist, and pipe. Ace-nii rubbed my back as we continued on our way past beaten, steaming thugs.

"Come on Blue, let's get you to bed. Being tired's just making you more cranky."

 **SORA**

The hotel was quite full when the Straw Hats had come to check in, so the entire crew was crammed into one room on the top floor. Llama and Zoro were on the roof keeping watch, but even so the place was cramped with luggage and sleeping figures. When Sora woke up in the middle of the night he had to step over Nami, Ghin, and Sanji on his way to the bathroom.

He heard whimpering as he headed back to his spot. It took a minute to find the source of the sound: while Ace and Sabo were wrapped protectively around Luffy, Bluejay was off in a corner by herself. She probably didn't want to sleep with her brothers with her period. Sora carefully picked his way through the room, stepping over the cuddled forms of Chopper and Bon-chan to reach his cousin.

"It's alright Kay-Kay, you're not alone. Everyone's right here." Sora stroked Bluejay's hair and shook her shoulder gently. When that didn't wake her, he started trying to remember how he'd entered Ace's dream in Skypeia.

"Let's see… I was changed about as much as I can control… Touched his tattoo… But Ace's tattoo's on his back. Do I need to touch their back or something important to them?" Colourful scales rose over clawed limbs as wings and a tail appeared. Sora placed one paw on Bluejay's back and the other on her tattoo. The world swirled rainbow.

 _Fire. Brilliant orange flames leapt more than twice Sora's height into the air. Every once in a while, he saw the flickering silhouette of one of his crew mates, charred and writhing in agony. Even Ace wasn't safe, his fruit actually making things worse as he burned from the inside out. The fuel for the flames looked like broken shards of the_ Going Merry _._

 _Sora caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Someone was trapped under a piece of the ship's shattered keel. Terrified grey eyes stared up at him as he shifted the charred wood. Kay-Kay- not Bluejay as she was now, but his baby cousin as he remembered her. Dirty blonde hair in a chin-length cut instead of a ragged ponytail, skin unscarred, dressed in a purple cat sweater instead of a blue and white tunic._

 _"Sary?" Oh, it had been so long since Sora had heard that nickname. "When'd you get so big Sary?"_

 _Something exploded in the fire; Kay-Kay squeaked and ran to hug Sora's legs. Tears traced black tracks on her ash-covered face. "Sary, I'm scared."_

 _"Don't worry Kay-Kay, I'm here." The zoan user picked up his tiny dream-cousin. "And I'll tell you a secret: you're big now too. Let's go find big you and see if she can make the fire go away."_

 _"There's two of me? Cool! Am I as big as you? Do I have scales and wings and stuff too? Are we dragons?"_

 _"Yes, I'm a dragon, but you're still just a normal human. Sorry. And no, you're not as big as me. You're a better fighter though, as fierce as a little tiger. Your brothers taught you well."_

 _"I have brothers? But what about Krissy?"_

 _"She isn't here." Sora sighed. "We went to another world somehow-magic or something. Three older boys found you and adopted you as their baby sister. I'm grateful; they protected you until I could see you again, and they let me join their family too."_

 _"Cool! I always wanted an older brother!" Kay-Kay looked thoughtful as Sora carried her through the flames. "Sary… How can there be two of me?"_

 _"Well, we're in big you's dream right now. You're a part of her- apart I was starting to wonder if she still had."_

 _"Why wouldn't she still have me?" Kay-Kay asked, confused. "I'm her." Sora was surprised at how well his baby cousin took the news that she was part of a dream. But he supposed she'd always been a little odd._

 _"When big you came to this world, she hit her head and lost most of her memories. Your brothers named you Bluejay. I… It was ten years before we met- I didn't come to this world at the same time as you. You didn't recognize me."_

 _"I forgot Sary? Did I forget Camy and Brandy and Tilt too? Mommy and Daddy and Krissy?"_

 _"Yeah. Everybody."_

 _They continued through the inferno for several minutes. Charred corpses followed them without coming too close. Zoro. Ghin. Conis. Each time she saw one Kay-Kay hid her face in Sora's wings. Eventually the burning bodies left them alone; a few seconds later Sora stepped into a clearing in the flames._

 _Bluejay crouched on a rock by an unconscious Luffy, trying desperately to wake him up. When Sora first approached out of the flames she hissed and snarled. The zoan user held up a hand._

 _"It's just me- well, me and mini-you."_

 _"Sora? But I saw you burn…"_

 _"This is a dream Kay-Kay. You were having a nightmare, so I entered your dream like I did with Ace in Skypeia."_

 _"A dream?" Bluejay looked around. "Can- can you make it stop?"_

 _"I don't know." Sora sat beside his cousin. "If I think of anything I'll let you know. Here though- I have someone for you to meet."_

 _The rainbow serpent shifted so Kay-Kay and Bluejay could see each other. They blinked and cocked their heads to the side in identical looks of confusion. "Is that… me?"_

 _"Yep."_

 _Kay-Kay reached out to touch the scar running up the left side of Bluejay's face. "Where did we get this?"_

 _"Pirate named Thatch kicked my ass."_

 _"We fight pirates?"_

 _"I_ am _a pirate."_

 _"But pirates are bad!"_

 _"Not all pirates." Bluejay ran her fingers through Luffy's hair. "Our crew… We're explorers, treasure hunters. We've saved towns and countries as often as we've stolen, and we only steal from bad people."_

 _"Oh. Okay." Kay-Kay looked at Luffy. "Is he one of our brothers?"_

 _"Yeah. This's Nii-chan- Monkey D Luffy. Ace-nii and Sabo-nii already… Sorry, nightmare. They'll be fine when I wake up."_

 _"You keep saying I… Aren't we the same person?"_

 _"Maybe. I don't remember being you."_

 _"But I'm still here, so part of you must remember." Kay-Kay climbed out of Sora's arms into Bluejay's. The older girl shrugged._

 _"Does it matter? I've got a new family in a new world- I can't go back even if I wanted to, so why should it matter if I forget? Weren't we bullied or something? Why would I want to remember that?"_

 _Smack! Kay-Kay slapped Bluejay across the face. "Of course it matters! Sary's here! He's part of our new family too, right?"_

 _"Oro? Sary?"_

 _"Me," Sora clarified. "You used to call me Sary before you could pronounce my name, then it just sort of stuck."_

 _Bluejay frowned stubbornly at Kay-Kay, who imitated the look. "Lookit mini-me, you don't get a say here. You have no idea what I've been through these last ten years… What I've done."_

 _"Cause you're keeping us separate! I wanna know our brothers and you_ need _to remember Sary and the others!"_

 _"Why? Me'n Sora can make new memories now and the others are in a different world!"_

 _Kay-Kay started to cry. "Meanie! Maybe we_ should _stay separate- I don't like you!"_

 _Sora stared in amazement at the scene. He'd known Bluejay didn't really want to remember, but to actively supress her memories this hard… It felt like she was rejecting_ him _in a way too. The zoan user frowned and pouted. Well… Maybe he could_ make _her remember. After all, a lot of dreams were based on memories. But how?_

 _The zoan user looked at the flames that still surrounded them. "Can- can I try something with my powers? I think it'll change… this." He waved his arm at the omnipresent inferno._

 _Both parts of his cousin looked at him in confusion. "Okay…"_

 _Placing a claw on Bluejay's forehead, Sora let his instincts guide him. It was like sensing water; if he focused just right he could feel the structure of the dream. He grabbed on with his mind and tugged. Pictures began to appear in the flames around them. A tiny Bluejay pulling little Sabo from the waves, the boy unconscious. Rooster-like hair as a bandit tried and failed to retrieve mini-Bluejay from a heap of burning garbage. Large hands and booming laughter carrying a tiny Luffy away. Little Sabo again, covered in bandages and staring around in confusion._

 _Sora froze. None of the siblings ever spoke about their childhood. "Sabo… Did Sabo have amnesia?"_

 _"A little." Bluejay shrugged. "After the Tenryuubito blew up his boat, he couldn't remember who he was for a few days. He got over it."_

 _"And how would you have felt if he hadn't?"_

 _Bluejay slumped, defeated. "Awful… Angry… Ace-nii and I probably would've gone after the Tenryuubito and gotten ourselves killed- unless Dadan stopped us. Dadan might've stopped us."_

 _Kay-Kay beamed. "Yes! We win Sary! And you can control dreams- that's so cool!"_

 _"It is," Sora chuckled, "Though I still have a lot to learn about it. So, how're we gonna put you two back together?"_

 _Both girls shrugged. "Duct tape?" Kay-Kay offered. Bluejay looked thoughtful._

 _"If Sora can control dreams, he should be able to do it. Either way it's just manipulating my subconscious, since we're the same person and all."_

 _"But how would I do that?" Sora demanded, hands on his hips. Why did everyone expect him to just know how to use his powers? He couldn't even do the proper three zoan transformations yet! Did other fruit users just know?_

 _"Well, you made my memories bleed into the flames by touching my head. Why not slam our heads together? It works for Sabo-nii whenever he wants people to stop fighting."_

 _"But…" No way could Sora bring himself to do that to Kay-Kay! She was so little, and Bluejay's head was so hard…_

 _"Do it Sary. S'alright." Huge grey eyes stared up at him, full of trust._

 _"Okay. Sorry if this hurts." Closing his eyes, Sora shoved two dirty blonde heads together. Instead of the crack of bone that he expected, there was a chime of music and a flash of green light._

 _When he opened his eyes, Sora found Bluejay unconscious within her own dream. He wasn't sure if that was something to be worried about or not. Around him, the dream had changed. Instead of a nightmare of fire and blackened flesh, the zoan user saw a Northeastern Ontario forest, scenes from his own childhood blending seamlessly with tiny Aces, Sabos, and Luffys. One in particular caught his eye, a parallel that made him smile._

 _"Lu, Blue, hurry up or we'll leave you behind!" Ace frowned, hands on his hips as he stared at the two younger children struggling to catch up to him and Sabo. The mini-gentleman shook his head._

 _"Maybe we should slow down Ace. They're a lot younger than us- Blue especially."_

 _"No! They need to get stronger- I don't like crybabies!"_

 _On the other side of the dream, two blond children and a mini-Sora paused and looked back at their own Bluejay. The oldest- a girl- smiled encouragingly. "Come on Kay-Kay, you can do it! You're almost here!"_

 _The blond boy glared. "Why do we have to wait for the baby anyways Brandy? She gets in the way, and all she does is whine!"_

 _Suddenly mini-Bluejay was there, her foot slamming into the blond boy's crotch. "You take that back Camy!" Dream-Brandy and dream-Sora rolled on the ground with laughter._

 _Sora smiled. He remembered that day. "Sweet dreams Kay-Kay. Maybe this'll help with your nightmares." A roar carried him back to the waking world._

 **LLAMA**

Despite having a late-night watch with Zoro, Llama was the first one up- just in time to hear knocking at the door. She stood on tiptoe and peered cautiously through the peephole. On the other side was a yellow fishman in a karate gi and a busty redhead with a newsboy cap. Llama frowned. She'd never seen either of these people before. Luckily the Monkey brothers were near enough for her to kick Sabo awake.

"Are we expecting visitors?"

The gentleman yawned and stood. "Dad said he was sending a couple agents to help us get Robin back from that Ennies Lobby place. I'd hoped they would wait until first thing in the morning by _pirate_ standards, but apparently revolutionaries keep different hours."

Stretching, Sabo opened the door a crack and peered out. "Who is it?"

"If you're one of the Monkeys D, we work with your father. If not, sorry- we got the wrong room."

Sabo opened the door fully. "I'm Monkey D Sabo, second oldest. And you are?"

"Koala. This is my partner, Hack. Wow… When Dragon said he had kids, I wasn't expecting someone like you."

"To be fair, I was adopted." Sabo bowed slightly. "Please, come in."

The revolutionaries did. By now the rest of the crew was waking up one by one. Ace glared at the newcomers in confusion until Sabo shook his head and touched his burn scars. _They're okay. It's Dad's agents._

Clearing her throat, the female revolutionary introduced herself again. "My name is Koala, and this is my partner Hack. We work for Monkey D Dragon, who called us last night and asked us to come here and help his kids rescue Nico Robin. Also, I'd like to note that hearing Dragon _had_ kids nearly made me spit up my tea."

Luffy giggled. "Really? Shishishi! Why though? It's not like Dad's creepy or scary or nothing- and he gives great hugs!"

Llama snickered at the expression that crossed Koala's face. "Please, don't ever make me imagine my boss chasing toddlers around and wearing an apron again."

"Wasn't trying to. You did that to yourself." The captain picked his nose.

"Hmmm… Nope, you're not what I expected from Dragon's kid either." Behind Koala, Hack sighed and shook his head.

Ace apparently couldn't contain himself any longer. "Sabo, how can you be sure they're who she says they are? What if they're those CP9 people come to take someone else?"

Bluejay, freshly woken and grouchy, slapped the firecracker upside the head. "They wouldn't come through the _front door_ Ace-nii."

Koala snapped her fingers and pointed. "There! Those are Dragon's kids!"

"Um… Adopted." Ace and Bluejay spoke in unison as they pointed at Luffy. "Lu/Nii-chan's his only blood kid."

"I see." Koala sweatdropped. "And none of you even grew up with him…"

"Nope. Didn't even meet Dad until earlier this year."

Llama edged closer to Koala and Hack, staring suspiciously from the fluffy depths of her scarf. "You can help us get Robin back?" Llama liked Robin; she was funny.

"Hopefully. You said CP9 took her? How'd you know?" Koala folded her arms over her impressive chest. Llama caught Sabo staring and shoved a Sparkler down the back of his shirt. The pipe-wielder yelped and jumped as he felt sparks against his spine. Koala giggled, though she soon composed herself.

"I heard them," Sora offered once Sabo had settled down. "We were in a bookstore and I was on the other side of a shelf. Robin started talking- she sounded scared- asking who somebody was. A male voice said CP9, then Robin begged him not to hurt the rest of us. By the time I got around the shelf there was no sign of them."

The rainbow serpent buried his face in his hands with a sigh. Chopper jumped into Sora's lap and hugged him. "It wasn't your fault; you couldn't have known."

"Well that's… unusually straightforward." Koala frowned thoughtfully. "You're lucky- usually if CP9 takes someone it's as if they simply disappear."

"Why would they take her in the first place though?" Conis asked. "She's just an archaeologist…"

"That's exactly why." Koala nodded at some private thought. "Nico Robin can read the poneglyphs- the only known person in the world who can. There's something on those stones that the World Government doesn't want becoming common knowledge, so they're trying to silence her."

"Silence?" Luffy asked. Llama drew a finger across her throat; her captain nodded. "Ah, you mean kill."

"Probably, yes."

Luffy's eyes flashed. "Well, we won't let them. Come on, we've gotta go to that Lobby place and get Robin back."

Hack shook his head. "It's not that simple. Your crew can't walk the streets right now, not after what happened last night. Mayor Iceberg was shot; witnesses said it was by your crew."

"What?!" Nami shrieked. "But none of us even use guns!"

"Whether you did it or not, it's not safe for your crew to go anywhere right now. Water Seven is crawling with marines."

Fire alarms rang out before the conversation could go any further. Llama ran to the window, Bluejay right behind her. Two columns of fire rose from different parts of the city. One was Scrap Island, near where they had left… No, it was best not to think about it. And the other…

"Galley-La's burning!" The window sill cracked as Bluejay gripped it.

The entire crew was ready to go in seconds. They had to help; Iceberg was good to them and without Galley-La, how would they get a new ship? But Hack stood in front of the door, still shaking his head. "Didn't you hear a word I said? The entire city blames your crew for their mayor being shot at last night."

"We didn't do it," Zoro growled, tying his bandanna on his head. "We had our own problems last night." Everyone else nodded.

Then Luffy perked up. "Oh! Next time you see Dad, tell him he's got a nephew now! Sora's our cousin; I forgot to tell him last night."

"Okay…" Koala looked at Hack. "Blaming the Straw Hats for the shooting… Do you think CP9's going after Iceberg now?"

"It's possible. But why?"

"Let's go find out."

"We're coming too." Luffy's voice was final. Llama moved to stand behind him, as did the rest of the crew. Koala stared at them, aghast.

"Really? After what Hack just told you?"

Luffy shrugged. "We're pirates; we've already got bounties on our heads anyways."

"Or at least some of us do," Sabo muttered sullenly. Llama patted his arm. She knew it must be frustrating; both his younger siblings and his elder had had bounties for a while. If she was in Sabo's situation she would be jealous too.

"Anywho, Ice-mountain's our friend and Robin might be there. We have to go!"

Koala sighed, apparently gathering that arguing was futile. "Alright- Dragon sent us to help you, not babysit you, so it's your call. Although you _do_ need a babysitter."

"I try." Ghin raised his jar of dirt as if it were a mug of ale- or sanity. "The don't listen."

Luffy turned to Sabo and Bluejay, a pout on his face. "Nah, smart people, plan a thing."

Sabo raised his eyebrows. "Well, if we go over the rooftops we'll get there faster and be less visible to the civilians and navy. Other than that… We don't know their capabilities, so we can't create an effective strategy."

"Poo…"

The Straw Hats plus Koala and Hack leapt out the window, landing on the roof of the building next door. Luckily there were no major canals between the Frothing Otter and Galley-La- Llama wasn't sure she could've made the jump across any of those. After their daily Straw Hat training though, a narrow alley or two presented no problem.

The demolitions expert moved up beside Bluejay as they ran. "You okay Jay? Other than period?" The larger girl looked even more distracted than the day before.

"Oro? Yeah, I guess. Why?"

"Quieter. Didn't hit the captain for being dumb about planning."

"Just a little out of it I guess." Something flashed across Bluejay's face- Llama wasn't sure what name to give it. "I… Sora entered my dream last night. Got my memories of our old world back- or most of them, at least. You know, he's the one who taught me how to swim. I never thought about it when I was little, where I'd learned that, but if Sora hadn't played with me in the lake so much I never would've been able to pull Sabo-nii out when the Tenryuubito shot his boat."

Oh. Yes, Llama supposed that could be a lot to take in. But it was good, right? Bluejay's cousin had given her the tools to save her brother- a brother who was one of the crew's best fighters. So why did the other girl look so melancholy? Was it guilt over having forgotten? Llama reached out to place a comforting hand on Bluejay's shoulder. The motion threw her timing off as they had to leap over an alley; luckily her close proximity to Bluejay meant the larger girl caught her before she fell.

"Ksesese… Don't worry about me Llama, I'll be fine. Worry about your footing."

"Yeah. Oops."

When the crew arrived at Galley-La, the whole complex was up in flames. But while the shipyards were burning, it was the main office that was the true inferno. With no plan forthcoming from Sabo, Luffy immediately implemented what Llama was starting to think of as Straw Hat standard operating procedure.

"Everyone split up in little groups! Get Ice-mountain and his guys and find Robin if she's here! If you see any CP9 people, kick their ass!"

Llama ended up with Bon-chan and Conis as they ran inside. The angel kept her bazooka unloaded; when Llama went to grab one of her explosives, Bon-chan stopped her.

"I don't think that's a good idea Lamb-chan. You'll just make the fire worse."

Pouting, Llama retrieved her stick instead. Her companions shot her odd looks. "Where do you even keep that?"

"My boot."

Bon-chan raised an eyebrow, staring dubiously at Llama's boots. She didn't blame him. Her stick was clearly six inches too long to fit; not one of her best deflections.

Smoke clogged the air as the three made their way into the basement offices. Files ignited with bursts of light like magnesium flares; Llama smelled gunpowder. Two masked figures in cloaks appeared amongst the flames. They paused as the three Straw Hats approached. One of them was holding some sort of incendiary device Llama didn't think she'd ever seen before.

"Leave pirates. This doesn't concern you."

"Actually, you made it concern us when you took one of our friends." Bon-chan glared at the figures, hands on his hips. One of the masks cocked to the side in confusion.

"How do you know CP9 took your friend?"

The other masked person hit the speaker, but said nothing. Bon-chan smiled grimly. "Thank you for confirming your identities gentlemen. Swan Arabesque!"

Both men dodged the okama's kicks easily, disappearing for a second like Coby did when he used Flash Pistol- Llama suspected they might even have been a little faster. Conis managed to hit one with the butt of her bazooka; the strike did nothing. When Llama tried toget the other one with her stick, he just fluttered out of her way like a piece of paper. That was- not impossible, Llama supposed, not in this strange world, but certainly unexpected.

"Just knock them out and let's go," one mask ordered the other. "Leader's impatient enough as it is."

Nodding, the other figure dropped his incendiary. Both were gone before it hit the ground, vanished in a flash of black robes. Llama's eyes went wide. She could smell he destruction coming, the napalm mixed in with gunpowder and magnesium and other things. Clinging fire.

"Run!" The demolitions expert grabbed her crew mates and hauled them out of the room. Just in time too. The masked man's device burst open as it hit the floor, white light and heat and an echoing roar far stronger than anything Llama had ever made. Already weakened timbers crumbled away under the force, dropping several upper floors into the basement.

Conis stared back at the destruction. "I hope there was no one in there. I don't think we could rescue them from that."

A groan- someone _had_ been there. Llama raced to the edge of the burning rubble and began to sift through it. She found the unconscious form of a scruffy blond man- the shipwright named Paulie if she remembered the account of Galley-La correctly. "He's still alive! Help me get him out!"

 **BLUEJAY**

I raced towards Iceberg's office right behind my brothers. We were at the top of the stairs when a dark figure with a mask stopped us. He fired a kick through the air- literally. His kick created some sort of shock wave or vacuum that shot out and tore through Ace-nii and the wall. My eldest brother reformed with a glare.

"What was that for?"

"You shall not pass." The figure launched several more kicks. Some passed through Ace-nii, serving only to confuse him and piss him off; the others cut little nicks from Sabo-nii, Nii-chan, and I as we struggled to dodge in the narrow space. My blond brother tried to block one of the shock waves only for it to slice his pipe clean in two.

"Outta our way! Hiken!" The masked man disappeared for a moment, reappearing out of range of Ace-nii's attack. I slapped my brother upside the head.

"No fire! You wanna bring this place down on us even faster?"

"Sorry." Ace-nii drew his knives instead. I pulled out my tanto just in time to deflect another flying kick. Unlike Sabo-nii's pipe, my blade survived.

The four of us charged the masked man. He leapt over our heads, walking through the air somehow as he continued to rain kicks on us. When Nii-chan stretched to strike him the stranger dropped, racing around us faster than Coby's Flash Pistol as he hit the ground. Something poked me in the clavicle; my shirt was stained with blood.

Up close our opponent was smaller than we'd thought. That only made them harder to hit. We tried to surround them, but they continually slipped away. A flying kick sliced deep into Sabo-nii's leg; another ripped Nii-chan's vest in half.

Further down the hall a window blew in. Sora crashed through and slammed into a wall, stunned. Another masked figure hopped in from the outside air. They must've used the same air-walking trick as the person my brothers and I were fighting; there was no way they could've climbed the building without burning their hands.

"You okay Sora?" Luffy asked. My cousin shook his head to clear it.

"Yeah, I think so." Sora winced as he scrambled over to us. "I think my wing's busted though."

The appendage in question was definitely hanging funny, and one of the joints looked swollen. I frowned. "What were you doing on your own?"

"Pulling Lulu out- the shipwright with the cowlick. A room collapsed on him and separated me from Nami and Chopper."

Ace-nii grinned. "Welcome to our group then. The more the merrier."

Of course, we hadn't been making much headway when it was four on one, and five on two left us in an even poorer position. The masked men flanked us, flying kicks and spear-like pokes coming from every direction. Ace-nii and I deflected what we could with tanto and knives, but it wasn't enough. If Ace-nii could've used on of his big attacks the strangers might have been driven back… He couldn't though. Something big like Hotarubi: Hidaruma or Dai Enkai: Entei would've been the last straw for the already burning building.

"Dream Impulse!" Sora exhaled a gout of sleepy mist into the smoky air. The masked figured blew it away with their kicks.

This was getting us nowhere. Fighting defensively, we would definitely lose. I sheathed my tanto and charged forwards with a snarl. Behind me, four voices cried out in protest.

"Blue/Kay-Kay, no!"

Both masked figures turned to launch kicks at me. There was nowhere in that narrow hallway for me to dodge, and I couldn't draw my tanto again quickly enough to deflect. The world shifted into slow motion as two shockwaves came at my neck.

A hand grabbed the back of my tunic, spinning around and throwing me into Sabo-nii. I looked up just in time to see Sora take both kicks on his back. Scales split; blood sizzled into flames. Then, as I moved to catch my falling cousin, the floor collapsed beneath him. Satisfied that we couldn't get across, the masked figures left.

I didn't care. My knees gave out on the edge of the hole. I looked down, hoping to spot black hair and rainbow scales. There was nothing but fire and rubble. No, that wasn't right- several floors down I could see Llama, Bon-chan, and Conis digging Paulie out of a tangle of timber. But there was no sign of Sora.

If the memories weren't so fresh in my head, would it have hurt as much? I had just gotten them back; all I could see was the time spent with my cousin. Sora slipping water wings onto the both of us and dragging me into the lake. Sora chasing me around with a water gun, screaming at me for stealing his clothes (When it was really Brandy who did it!). Sora biting his lip and holding his too-large bike steady as I climbed onto the seat, helmet sliding into my eyes.

Gone. He was just gone. Fire roared in my ears.

"Sabo, get Blue outta here!" Nii-chan's voice snapped me back to the present. I shook my head.

"No- no, I'm fine. I can still fight." I sliped on my nekode as I spoke.

"You're not fi-!" Sabo was cut off as Ace glared at him.

" _None_ of us are fine!" my eldest brother snapped. "That's three in two days- our crew's falling apart! But Blue needs to fight!"

"She's not _you_ Ace!"

"Shut it! Ace-nii's right!" Tears burned my eyes. "Ace-nii's right… I need to fight, need to make them pay…"

Luffy looked at me for a long moment, then nodded. "Alright."

We leapt over the hole that had swallowed Sora and raced to Iceberg's office. Three masked figures stood over the mayor, one of which had a gun. Iceberg appeared to be trying to reason with them.

"I already told you, I don't know anything!"

"Yes, yes, just like you never associated with Franky- or should I say Cutty Flam? We already have him you know. But this isn't about what you do or don't know- you're simply a loose end."

Gunfire cut the air. The bullet didn't hit Iceberg thought; Nii-chan stretched at the last second to grab the muzzle of the gun, his rubber hand sending the bullet bouncing back in. The gun exploded. All three masked figures turned to stare at my brothers and I.

"You Straw Hats are such a pain."

Two of the CP9 agents rushed to engage us. One was the small one we'd fought in the hall. I saw red. Charging in with an enraged yell, I took a finger-spear to the ribs as I latched on. Nails and spikes dug through cloth to hit flesh; when the figure poked me again I let them graze my temple so I could bite their wrist.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw my brothers ganging up on the second figure, who stayed easily out of their reach by vanishing and air-stepping. His body language screamed contempt. The third masked person continued to stand at the window, motionless. Then their hand twitched, though not to enter the fight. They gripped their cloak with white knuckles, a sob shaking their shoulders. A few other subtle signs confirmed my suspicions.

 _Everyone, please just leave!_

"Robin?" I released my opponent's wrist. That was a mistake. He threw me hard into a wall, knocking the wind out of me. I _did_ manage to take his mask as I flew away though. Only it wasn't a he. It was Wren, the shipwright's sister. Seconds later Sabo-nii managed to break the second figure's mask to reveal the shipwright himself, Lucci. Iceberg was shocked.

"All- you've been CP9 all this time?"

"Yes. Our orders were to get close to you and find the plans for Pluton- but it turned out that Cutty Flam had those. Like I said, you and the Straw Hats are just loose ends now."

Before Lucci could do anything though, Wren moved to his side. "Onii-sama, we have to go _now._ They've wasted too much of our time; if we wait any longer the train won't be able to get to Ennies Lobby through Aqua Laguna."

"Tch. Fine." Lucci grabbed Robin. He and Wren air-walked away before my brothers and I could do anything.

We guarded Iceberg on our way out, not knowing what else to do. As we passed the hole where Sora had fallen, I saw my cousin's mallet lying off to one side. I picked it up and hugged it close.

When we regrouped it was a dismal sight. Iceberg had exactly three shipwrights left- Paulie, Lulu of the epic cowlick, and an obnoxiously loud man named Tilestone. The first of these was unconscious. On our crew, everyone was exhausted, filthy, and covered in burns. Many bore wounds from finger-spears and flying kicks too.

"How'd those shitty bastards do that?" Sanji demanded. "It had to be training- there were too many for a shitty Devil Fruit, and I didn't see any gadgets or dials."

"No dial would allow men to flap like paper anyway," Conis added.

Chopper and Kaya began to go around treating injuries. Then… "Where's Sora?" Our doctor looked at the sky as if expecting my cousin to be flying overhead.

I squeezed the mallet, unable to speak. Sabo-nii answered for me. "Sora- Sora's dead. He took a couple bad hits protecting Blue, then fell when that big section collapsed. We couldn't even see his body."

"What?" Chopper started to cry. "Usopp, Robin, now Sora… Why're we losing everyone all of a sudden? What's going on?"

"The government are jerks is what's going on." I'd almost forgotten Koala and Hack were there, they were so quiet. The revolutionary's newsboy cap shaded her eyes as she bit out her words. "Robin, this Sora kid… _None_ of us are people as far as those _nobles_ are concerned. Annoyances, toys, weapons, property… At best we can become threats for them to fear and put down."

Sabo-nii flinched. He shifted nervously, as if expecting Koala to be able to tell that he was noble-born.

"We're getting Robin back," Nii-chan said firmly. "I- it's too late to save Sora, but we can get Robin back. The CP9 people said something about a train, and an aquatic lagoon thing…"

"Aqua Laguna," Hack corrected. "It's an annual storm system that comes through here. Water Seven may as well be under water for a few days."

Iceberg nodded. "You'll never get Nico Robin back. If they're on they train they're already on their way to Ennies Lobby, one of the greatest government strongholds. She'll probably be transferred immediately to Impel Down."

"Then we'll get her back before then!"

"Again, impossible. Even if there was a ship that could catch the Puffing Tom- which there isn't- you'd never get out before Aqua Laguna begins, and no ship can sail through that storm."

Coby stepped up beside Luffy, arms folded and glasses flashing. "Impossible? Good thing it's a Thursday then, isn't it Iceberg-san. Our crew often does impossible things on Thursdays."

"And every other day of the week," Nami added.

Ghin raised his jar of dirt. "I hate to be the voice of common sense on this funny farm- mostly because you kids never listen- but wouldn't it be easiest to retrieve Robin _before_ the train leaves the station?"

Everyone sweatdropped. Sabo placed a hand on my shoulder as we ran down to the train station. "You okay Blue? You and Sora were closer than the rest of us knew- you can just sit this one out if you need to."

"Hells no! I'm coming!" Wren was going to pay- all of CP9 would pay. I'd scatter their dismembered bodies across the sea and dance in the burning embers of their bones.

Nii-chan looked at Koala and Hack. "You don't need to help us if you don't want."

"And miss the chance to gather info on the elusive CP9? Never!" Koala pulled out a camera den-den. "Besides, Dragon also gave us orders to get some pictures of his kids kicking marine ass. Creepy, frankly, but I think it's just his way of showing he cares. He doesn't really know how to do that."

I had to stop for a moment on our way to the train station- needed to change my pad. Stupid bloody periods. As we ran, I felt the wind starting to rise. The sky grew dark with clouds.

A whistle sounded just as we got to the train station. Racing down the stairs to the platform, we were treated to the sight of the sea train pulling out, just out of reach. I screamed and ran after it, trying to leap at the retreating caboose. A rubber arm snapped me back. Nii-chan held me against his chest as I thrashed and cried. Outside, the first raindrops started to fall.

"There's another way," Luffy whispered, "There has to be. Sabo, find us another way to that Ennies Lobby place."

"How? You heard Iceberg and Hack; soon no ships will be able to sail. We'd never get there in time if we wait out the storm, and I don't think we'd get clear before it really hits." Sabo looked at Nami for confirmation. Our navigator nodded.

"The air pressure's been dropping steadily and I can feel a cold front moving in. This's gonna be a big one."

"But we _need_ to save Robin!" A burst of rage ripped out from Nii-chan. It made a conductor standing in one corner faint.

A voice hiccoughed from near the stairwell. "There's another train you know."

As one our crew turned to look. Standing on the steps we'd just run down was Granny Kokoro from the sea station. Chimney was beside her, cuddling their ever-present blue rabbit.

"What'd you say?" Nii-chan demanded.

"There's another train. That one that just left, the Puffing Tom, is the final product. The prototype's still in the old workshop- Rocketman."

"And you'd let us use it?" Ace-nii asked suspiciously. "What's the catch?"

"No catch. The people who took your friend have one of mine too. Just bring him back if you can."

"Thanks Granny Train-Lady!"

Kokoro led us to a hidden back room. The train there sported a hideous grin. It was perfect. Granny Kokoro quickly explained how the steam engine worked to Sabo-nii. As soon as she was done, we got to work removing the coal and passenger cars. Kokoro looked at us like we were crazy.

In her defense, we are. Just a little.

"What're you kids doing?"

"Don't need fuel with Ace-nii and we're fine all crammed into the engine. This'll go faster."

"Okay…" The old lady shrugged. "Now, I should probably warn you- Rocketman doesn't have working brakes."

"That's fine." Sabo-nii tipped his hat. "Our crew can break things just fine on our own."

Ace-nii positioned himself in the firebox. Inmost situations it would've looked funny, my eldest brother curled up into such a tiny space, but I wasn't in the mood for funny. I was in the mood to rip… Tear… Kill… Grief and anger fought in the pit of my stomach.

A bunch of vaguely familiar, funkily dressed thugs ran into the room as Ace lit up. "Wait! They took our boss! Let us come too! We promise not to try and mug you again!"

Kaya frowned at them. "Sorry, we don't have any more room. Please move; you're on the track." The thugs wisely did as our nurse suggested.

The train engine was very crowded as we started to pull out of the workroom- seventeen bodies would do that. Wait… Seventeen? Sure, we had Koala and Hack, but we'd lost _three_. There should only be sixteen people here, plus Spade and Captain Snappy, neither of whom took up much room.

Before I could contemplate the masked man standing awkwardly in a corner though, we'd reached the main track. Ace-nii kicked the heat up, the boiler sang, and then… Then Rocketman _flew_.

 **A/N: I know up until now I've done one story arc per chapter. This will still be the norm. However, the Robin Retrieval arc is bloody huge- far too long for a single chapter, especially considering that I'm adding some things. So in this case (and I guess technically in all others too) it's that each chapter belongs to a different island. This arc has three islands (counting the return to Water Seven), so it's three chapters.**


	24. Cat Fight

**A/N: I give! I give! I finally admit it- there are some part of an OP AU that can't be done with only three (or four-ish) points of view. I tried; I failed. The OCs will still be the primary POV characters, but every once in a while, I have to include someone else when something important happens. *sighs* I know, I know, I was stubborn, taking this long to accept that.**

 **On a happier note… Bon-chan and Conis would make great moms.**

In a hotel room in Water Seven, a den-den mushi beeped repeatedly. No one was there to pick up. Eventually, its answering function kicked in. "Hi! You've reached the Straw Hat Pirates! We can't come to the snail right now cause we're on an ADVENTURE! If you leave a message at the beep, Sabo or Blue'll get back to you eventually. I'm gonna be king of the pirates!"

Beep!

 _"You sure this is the right number Marco? I mean, it's not like the shrimps gave it to us or anything."_

 _"Of course I'm sure. Straw Hats, this is Marco the Phoenix. Thatch and I were following Blackbeard on Banero Island when we heard. He's coming after you specifically; plans to hand you over to the marines to earn the title of Shichibukai. We can't make it to Water Seven before he does yoi. Hopefully you'll be gone by the time he gets there, but… Be careful, okay?"_

 **BLUEJAY**

Ghin vomited out the window as our steam engine lurched onto the main tracks. It took all of us several minutes to regain our footing. Forget brakes- with Ace-nii as the fire, _Rocketman_ couldn't stop _accelerating_.

As soon as I could stand and walk properly, I stormed over to the masked man. His cloak was red rather than black and his mask looked nothing like those CP9 used, but that meant nothing. They were spies and assassins; they could change their clothes.

"Who in the Nine Hells are you?" I grabbed the stranger by the front of his cloak and dragged him to eye level. He squeaked.

"I'm, uh, Sogeking! The king of Sniper Island! When I heard your friend was in trouble, I came to offer my assistance!"

That voice… Usopp. So the long nose on the sun-rayed face wasn't part of the mask. The sniper's eyes widened and he clasped both hands over the one I was holding him with. _Please don't tell!_

I frowned, inclining my head and rolling my eyes. _They'll figure it out even if I don't._

"Never heard of Sniper Island before," Koala said, "And Hack and I've been to some pretty weird places."

The fishman nodded. Sabo-nii edged closer to the pair. "Like where?" My blond brother held his hands behind his back, eyes wide with interest as he leaned almost imperceptibly towards Koala. Gods above and below- was Sabo trying to flirt?

"An island on the back of a giant turtle, a whole kingdom of okama, a ninja village hollowed out of a giant pumpkin…" Koala smiled. "My favourite was a place in the East Blue though. The animals there were as large and fierce as anything on the Grand Line. It was a training trip; Dragon had me practice my spying skills by monitoring four little boys who lived in a big treehouse."

My brothers and I burst out laughing. Koala frowned. "What's so funny?"

"This place," Sabo asked, "Was it called Dawn Island? Goa Kingdom?"

"Yes."

"Three boys," Nii-chan snickered. When Koala looked askance at him, he pointed at me. "Sa, Blue's a girl."

"I know tha- wait… That was you?!"

"Yep, yep, yep!" Luffy beamed. "We never saw you, so you must be really good!"

"Dragon used new recruits to babysit his kids…" Koala facepalmed. "That devious bastard."

Sabo-nii smiled. "It runs in the family. Our grandfather blackmailed a mountain bandit into acting as our foster mother."

"Really? Huh. Before I joined the Revolutionaries a pirate was looking after me. Well, after…" Koala rubbed the back of her right shoulder, shuddering with remembered pain. I wondered what she was remembering.

Nii-chan's eyes went wide. "You were raised by a pirate? Who? Who? Was it Shanks?"

"No, Jinbe- the Knight of the Sea. He's a Shichibukai now, but still like an uncle to me."

Luffy nodded solemnly. "Okay. Sabo, remember that. One of those shichi-bucket people is a good guy, so we can't fight him."

"Huh?" Koala stared in confusion. Sabo clarified.

"The last Shichibukai we met- Sir Crocodile- was a megalomaniac trying to take over our friend's kingdom. Lu responded by kicking his ass and leaving him for some marines to find."

Mein Gott, was Sabo batting his eyelashes at Koala now? He was such a girl! I wouldn't do something like that and I _am_ a girl! And then I saw it: Koala batting her eyelashes right back, smiling and flirting in the same non-verbal way. The train lurched as a wave hit, knocking us stumbling. My blond brother ended up on his back on the floor, Koala sitting on his chest.

She smirked. "Pinned ya." Sabo-nii turned bright red.

Ace-nii reached out of the firebox to poke Nii-chan. My eldest brother had noticed what was going on too. "I can see what's happening?"

"What?" As usual, Luffy remained oblivious the longest.

"And they don't have a clue." Well, I very much disagreed with Ace there. Sabo and Koala knew exactly what they were doing. Of course, Ace-nii was watching through his Big Brother Rose Coloured Goggled of Innocence®.

"Who?"

Ace sighed. "They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line: our trio's down to two."

Nii-chan picked his nose. "Our trio of what?"

"Carefree bachelors of course! Look at it this way: if Sabo's dating, he can't threaten Coby with us cause that would make him a hypno- no, hypocrite."

"Sorry Ace, you're on your own. I don't wanna threaten Coby. 'Sides, batch-maker means no dating, right? So I won't be for long, soon as I figure out…" Luffy trailed off, his eyes glazing over and his face going red as he tried to plan something.

Of course, in the tight space of the train engine, Sabo heard this exchange. He threw the broken pieces of his pipe at Ace and Luffy. "Quit mocking me!"

"Wasn't me! Just Ace!" Nii-chan dove behind me to hide. Ace sputtered incoherently, still struggling to process Luffy's comment about dating.

Outside, the rain poured ever harder.

Moments later, Zoro looked out the window. "I think they know we're after them- they left the caboose just sitting there."

"Trying to derail us," Uso- sorry, Sogeking muttered.

Luffy blinked. "So it's bad that it's there? What're you waiting for then? Get rid of it!"

"Aye-aye captain." Zoro climbed out onto the front of _Rocketman_ and drew his swords. A few seconds later he cut the air, creating the same kind of shockwave as CP9's kicks. It rent the caboose in twain.

"Wohoo! That was awesome Zoro!" Nii-chan bounced over and hugged our first mate as the Shrubbery climbed back inside.

Sabo-nii and Nami suddenly both frowned in sync and started scribbling on scraps of paper. Dread pooled in the pit of my stomach. I wasn't sure what it was, but if both my blond brother and our navigator thought something was a problem, it was bad. Especially when they both looked so pale.

"Do your numbers match mine?" Nami passed Sabo her paper. He compared them.

"Not exactly, but close enough. Either way we'll be ramming them in about ten minutes unless we can slow down- or at least stop accelerating."

"Don't we want to catch the _Puffing Tom_ though?" Conis asked. Nami rolled her eyes.

"Social science majors, geez… _Catch_ yes, _ram_ no. If we hit the other train we might hurt Robin- not to mention that half of us here aren't monsters enough to get through unscathed either."

Ace-nii unfolded from the firebox. "There. Not going faster anymore."

"Excellent, now we have more like fifteen minutes to play with." Nami looked around. "Any ideas? Anyone?"

I raised a hand. "Won't the friction slow us down?"

"Not enough. Wet train tracks don't provide very much."

Llama was up next. "Why not have Ace push the other way?"

Everyone sweatdropped. I hid in a corner, a blue pall falling over me. Why hadn't I thought of that? Ace rockets were supposed to be my specialty…

"Don't do it til we can see 'em!" Nii-chan ordered. Ace-nii rolled his eyes as he climbed out the window.

"Yeah, I know. Come on Spirals; I need a swimmer if something goes wrong."

Sanji grumbled as he followed Ace to the front of the engine. It was good-natured grumbling though; our cook had finally accepted the unlikelihood of Ace ever calling him by his actual name. Sort of how Zoro had eventually accepted that he would always be Shrubbery to me.

I sat hunched in my corner. Conis came to sit beside me, one wing wrapping around my shoulders. Her feathers were really warm. "Would you like to talk about it?"

"Oro?"

"Sora's death. He was your cousin, right? You knew him the longest; it can't be easy."

"No…" I hugged my knees. "I- for years I could barely remember my old world- I was really young when I came here, and I'd hit my head. There'd be flashes of things sometimes, usually songs or jokes. They started to get stronger not long ago, then last night… Last night Sora found my memories in my dreams somehow and put them back where they belong. Everything's so fresh now- I have so many questions- and he and these other two who I guess were our other cousins were always _there_ , just like my brothers. Except now they're _not_."

My voice was thick with the tears I was fighting back. Conis didn't say a word. She just drew me into a hug and let me bury my face in her wings.

"And it was _fire_!" My whole body shook. "If it'd just been the kicks we could've gotten him to Chopper, but the building collapsed cause it was on _fire_ … The only good fire is Ace-nii. Every other fire in the world hates us."

Conis hummed and stroked my hair. I let myself go limp in her arms. Then… "Is this what having a mother's like? A real one, not a bandit?"

"I thought you said you remembered your old world now. Didn't you have a mother there?"

"Yeah, but she was terrifying. Like Gramps, but with figure skating instead of becoming a marine. Plus there was Great-Grandpa…"

"I see… And the woman who raised you here?"

"Bandit. Dadan never did stuff like this- hugged us or anything. Not really. The most comfort we usually got from her was being tossed in a barrel of hot water if we came to the hideout beat up and dirty. Except when we almost lost Sabo-nii… She was good then, looking after him and tucking the rest of us in when she thought we were asleep."

 **LLAMA**

Something was wrong. Even without Ace in the firebox they should've hit the _Puffing Tom_ by now, but it was nowhere to be seen. The demolitions expert frowned as Ace and Sanji climbed back inside. There wasn't a lot of things she could think of that might cause this- and most of them started with D and ended with fruit.

"Is there another logia that could power the train?" Llama asked Sabo. The gentleman broke off from staring doe-eyed at Koala with a frown.

"Wha- oh no." Pink scars stood out more than usual as Sabo paled. "I can't believe we didn't think of that- we're too used to being the only ones to come up with our level of madness."

The blond shoved his older brother back into the firebox. "Ace, as hot as you can, now! Hold it until I say so!"

"Huh? What?"

Sabo rolled his eyes. "You're not the only one who can power a train Ace- you're not even the most efficient. They have a _steam logia._ "

"How can you tell?" The firecracker heated up as he questioned his brother. It made Llama smile.

Koala stepped up beside Sabo, arms folded. "It's the only logical explanation for how they're keeping ahead of us even though you're nearly enough to bust the boiler. There's no way they could outrun us with ordinary fuel."

"Shit! 'Kay, everyone hold onto your undies and put on some sunglasses- it's about to get hot in here."

Llama thought Ace was kidding at first. Then _Rocketman_ lurched, taking off with the force of a charging rhino. The firebox and boiler glowed brilliant red; the inside of the former almost looked like it was melting. There was so much light that Llama could see even with her scarf draped across her eyes.

As the steam engine rolled on, the demolitions expert fell to tinkering. She'd retrieved enough remains from the Galley-La fire to reproduce that bomb CP9 had used- she hoped. It certainly wasn't a common design- probably special government issue- but she was sure she'd seen it somewhere before. Maybe an old war movie?

"Trying to recreate that awful white fire the CP9 men used Lamb-chan?" Bon-chan asked. Llama nodded.

"Recreate… and stop." Llama looked up at the okama. "That's what Jay said killed Sora- the floor falling. If I could've stopped it she might've had time to save him."

"You can't blame yourself for these things dear."

"I don't. I don't and Jay doesn't either. She blames that Wren girl." Llama sighed. "It's not my fault that I couldn't stop it, but if I could've things would be better."

Bon-chan nodded. "Knowing how to fight isn't enough in this family- you have to learn to create and protect too."

Llama winced. "I'm… working on that." She pulled out her notebook and started writing possible formulae for her new bomb.

Sensing he'd hit a nerve, the okama raised his hands. "I'm sure there's no rush- plenty of our crew mates haven't found their place outside of battle yet."

"Like who? Luffy's the captain, Ace's the engine, Sabo writes, Jay sews, Coby cleans, Zoro's first mate, Nami navigates, Kaya and Chopper heal, Sanji cooks, Ghin does tattoos, Robin reads runes, you dance, Conis heals minds…" Llama carefully avoided mentioning the dead and the deserter, even though she could smell Usopp beneath the Sogeking mask.

"Don't you write? You're always in that book of yours."

"Lists… Formulae… Feelings… Nothing I feel like sharing."

"May I hug you?" Llama wondered why Bon-chan would _ask_ first when everyone else on the crew just grabbed. She appreciated it though. Nodding, the demolitions expert soon found herself wrapped in a warm embrace.

"Try not to worry too much Lamb-chan. You're the youngest member of the crew- except Captain Snappy and Spade of course. It's okay if you're still finding yourself. Believe it or not, that's something Devil-boy and I are still working on too."

"You're not _that_ old." Llama rolled her eyes.

Bon-chan chuckled. "Thank you dear, but I'm afraid both of us are more than twice your age."

Sighing in defeat, Llama relaxed into the okama's hug. "I guess. Just… This is the _best family_ , what I've always wanted. I just want to be able to fit."

"Silly girl." Bon-chan tweaked Llama's nose. "I seem to recall a few days ago a certain someone saying that she wanted a family that loved her for her. And we _do_ dearest."

Llama covered her nose and frowned. She didn't appreciate Bon-chan doing that. But at the same time she was smiling. Her scarf slipped, letting the rest of the crew see. The okama smiled back.

"And besides, you ate the Iro-Iro no Mi, the fruit of colours. I'm sure you can think of _something_ creative to do with _that._ "

That was… quite possible. Llama had only considered her fruit as a party trick, a harmless prank. But combined with Usopp's inventions or Bon-chan's disguises it had already proved its use. Maybe there were other things she could do with it too. She wondered if she could learn to change a colour permanently, maybe for a painting…

"Thingy off the port- starboard- ah screw it, thingy coming at us dead on!" Ghin shouted from the window. "It looks like a bloody island!"

Luffy frowned. "That's not right! Where's the other train?"

"We lost time assuming they'd be running normally," Sabo reminded him. "They're already here."

"And where's here?"

"Ennies Lobby," Koala spat, "The so-called court of justice. Anyone who gets this far's already guilty in the eyes of the government. Nobles are such self-serving assholes."

It was interesting, the way Sabo suddenly shrank in on himself. Llama wondered if it had to do with the marines always calling him Outlook and saying Ace, Luffy, and Bluejay had kidnapped him. Sabo _really_ seemed to want Koala to like him for some reason. He was acting almost like Coby did around Bluejay- except a lot more noticeable. Llama didn't really get it.

Speaking of Coby, the cabin boy was totally enraged after Koala spoke. Right. He had a justice fetish.

Sogeking, meanwhile, was terrified. His badly faked voice trembled and cracked. "Um, Straw Hats, while I'm sure we can defeat the marines easily, should we not stop the train before we hit that fence?"

Ace unfolded from the firebox. "Can't stop it," he said with a yawn and a scowl. Ghin and Zoro shot similar looks at the sniper as the firecracker continued. "You _weren't around_ when Granny Kokoro told us- there's no brakes."

"The fence could be our brakes," Luffy offered, making Sogeking flinch. Llama's face lit up; she had an idea.

"Or we could break the fence." She'd finished two prototype bombs while talking with Bon-chan- hopefully that would be enough.

"I like Llama's way better," Chopper said. "A lot of us are still hurt from the Galley-La fights; a collision would only aggravate those injuries."

Luffy nodded. "Okay then, Llama's way."

Smiling, the little demolitions expert climbed out the window and along the side of the engine. It was slick with rain and almost too hot to touch; she nearly lost her grip several times before she came to rest safely on the sea king catcher. Llama wasn't in any danger though. Sanji had clambered out beside her, ready to grab her if she fell.

"Whitefire!"

The resultant explosion was magnificent, far more beautiful than the CP9 version. Sticky white flames expanded out over the sea and fence, burning the kairoseki as if it were wood. At the epicenter was an area where the fence was just gone, not even twisted remnants showing above the steaming water.

Sanji's eyes went wide. He dropped his cigarette. "What in all the Blues was that?"

"Napalm, magnesium, red and white phosphorus, and a bit of Ace's hair. He makes a very good detonator." There were a few other things too, but none Llama thought the cook would understand.

The two of them barely managed to make it back inside the engine before _Rocketman_ hit a piece of shattered fence floating on the waves. A tremendous screech tore through the air. _Rocketman_ jumped the tracks at full speed, sending pirates and revolutionaries tumbling to the floor. The train flew over several buildings before crashing to a halt, diving nose first into a cobbled intersection.

 **BLUEJAY**

Nii-chan coughed somewhere to my right. "Sound off guys- who's not dead?"

Sixteen voices answered with various groans; two chirps followed shortly after. We all crawled out of the wrecked train to find ourselves surrounded by marines. The white shirts all looked shocked- probably hadn't expected anyone to survive a wreck that spectacular.

Conis nodded to herself. "Yes, this crew has a very odd idea of what constitutes lethal force- for good reason."

Finally, one of the marines found his voice. "Sound the alarm! It's Straw Hat, Fire Fist, and their minions!"

Sanji lit a fresh cigarette and blew a smoke ring at Zoro. "Ha! You're a minion!"

"At least I'm a minion with a bounty Pirate A."

"Actually," Ace informed the marine who'd spoken, "My minions are all off somewhere wreaking havoc. Haven't heard from them since Skypeia- I hope they're alright."

"And I'm not a minion! I'm their sister!" I charged into a clump of marines. "White Tiger's Hunting Song!"

"Should we help her?" Koala wondered as I battered my way through the wave of white-shirted stress relief. Sabo-nii shook his head.

"No. Between her time of the month and Sora dying, Blue seems to need this."

"I've been wondering about that. You all just lost a crew mate; why's Bluejay the only one who seems like she might fall apart? You don't seem like _that_ kind of pirates."

"We'll grieve later. Right now we need to get Robin back, make sure we don't lose another." Sabo-nii sighed. "Besides, if Blue really _does_ lose it while we're fighting, someone nearby needs to keep a level head."

"Sora's dead?" Sogeking squeaked as I slammed the last marine into a building. Chopper nodded, fighting back tears.

"Y-yeah. He got caught when part of Galley-La collapsed in a f-fire."

We began to run through the tangled maze of streets that surrounded Ennies Lobby's courthouse. More marines soon appeared behind us, led by a drawn, mummified-looking man with a cape and a centurion's helmet. Nii-chan growled.

"Don't have time for this! Llama, Ace, get 'em!"

"Aye-aye Lu! Hotarubi: Hidaruma!"

"Nova Constellation! Green Star Constellation!"

A series of tremendous explosions separated us from the marines, complete with collapsing buildings. As we ran on, I heard the gaunt commander calling out to his men. "Oh dear! Fear not my friends, I have enough cape left to wrap all your burns, then I shall personally carry you all to the infirmary! My poor men!"

As we passed what appeared to be a cafeteria, a horribly ugly blond man in a chef's uniform came out to see what all the commotion was. He had curly eyebrows like Sanji. As soon as he saw us (we nearly ran him over), the marine chef created what appeared to be a battle mech made of pasta. "You'll never get past me pirates!"

Sanji looked at me. "Can I borrow your tanto for a minute Blue-chan?"

"Yeah… I thought you didn't use knives though."

"On people. How else would I cut ingredients?" Sanji held my tanto like a kitchen knife when I passed it to him. "That shitty bastard… Wasting good noodles."

One long spaghetti arm struck out at our crew. We dodged, all except Sanji. Our cook slashed the pasta mech's arm off and raced in close, ducking under another limb to spring at the wasteful blond's face. A series of powerful kicks landed in rapid succession. "How dare you call yourself a chef when you're wasting food like this! And your face pisses me off! Oeil, nez, joue, bouche, dents, menton, parage shot!"

My brothers- never wasteful with food even before we met Sanji- gathered up noodles as our cook cut the pasta mech apart. Our crew had a quick snack on the run, leaving the marine chef to cry about Sanji ruining his face. Although I though it looked much better now. I wiped my tanto clean on my bandanna after Sanji gave it back.

Not long after that we heard the baying of hounds. Sabo-nii and Koala groaned in near-perfect unison. "That must be the watchdog unit…"

"Jinx! You owe me a soda!" Koala tacked on the end, looking smug. Sabo smiled.

"Then I suggest you stick around for the post-Robin-saving party."

The watchdog unit charged us head on as we rounded a corner. This time it was Ghin and Zoro who blew them away with area attacks.

"Tatsumaki!"

"Braids of Rapunzel!"

"There sure are a lot of marines here," Conis commented as we raced on. Nami rolled her eyes.

"That's because this is one of their strongholds. Duck!"

Conis leaned back just in time for a sword to swish past her nose. Eleven new opponents had moved to block us, shouting something about being just jurymen or something. I snorted. As if there was any justice in Ennies Lobby. A just jury wouldn't convict a woman just for being able to read some squiggles on stone.

Our therapist spun her bazooka, knocking one juryman out of the way as she took aim at another. "Ursa Major!"

Kaboom! Her target flew through a wall. He was followed by five more, kicked in a flurry by Bon-chan. "Waxing Fist!"

That made seven down. When I looked for the other four they were already out of commission too, stumbling drunkenly into walls before collapsing. Kaya smiled and spun a needle between her fingers.

We'd been held up just enough for reinforcements to arrive. Hundreds more marines; the square we'd ended up in descended into a free for all. I fought back to back with Coby, frequently leaping over Gomu-Gumu no Whips as Luffy wiped out dozens of men at a time. Off to one side, a grunt marine was calling some commanding officer or other on a den-den mushi. "Sir, it's bad. The Straw Hats- we can't stop them! They're ripping through our ranks like cheap paper!"

 _"Really? What are our casualties?"_

"So far? Sevent-!" The grunt was cut off by two hard as stone reindeer hooves. His den-den mushi frowned as he dropped it.

 _"Seven? That's hardly worth panicking over; why waste my time with such nonsense?"_

For a long time, it looked like we might not get any further. There were just too many marines. Then Sabo slammed an officer into the ground hard enough to break through the road into the sewers. Koala grinned.

"Fruit users, stand back! The tides are turning! Sea Current Lifter!" Koala jumped into the sewer as she began her warning, wrinkling her nose. Seconds later a tremendous wave of filthy water spurted upwards, knocking marines flying in every direction. When the revolutionary came back up, Sabo-nii stared at her with his mouth open.

"What was that?"

"Fishman karate. If I can get into the water, there's a lot of interesting things I can do with it. Maybe someday I'll teach you." Eugh, flirting in the middle of a battle. I was gonna be sick, they were so sweet.

We finally made it to the gatehouse. I wanted to just run around it and climb the wall, but Sabo-nii stopped me. "Hold on Blue. There's a huge crevasse on the other side, too wide for even Ace to jump. The only way over's the gatehouse bridge."

"That sucks!"

Two giants stood between us and the gatehouse- although compared to Dorry and Broggy from Little Garden, I didn't think they were _that_ big. Sabo-nii ran ahead, his hands spreading into Dragon Claws. Coby was right beside him. Behind me, Sogeking pulled out a huge slingshot on a staff, which he called _Kabuto_.

"Pepper Star! Tabasco Star! Firebird Star!"

"Dragon Claw!"

"Shooting Star!"

The giants laughed. "It'll take more than that to take down Kashi and Oimo, little men."

"Okay!" Nii-chan bounced cheerfully as the rest of us caught up. "Everyone ready?"

From his words alone, nobody would've had a clue what my brother was talking about. But Luffy's hands were clenched into fists, one foot tapping impatiently as his eyes darted from crew member to crew member. A mischievous grin lit up my brother's face. _Quick round of training on them!_

Koala and Hack were left behind, confused, as the rest of us began chasing each other over the giants as if we were aboard the _Merry_. Except unlike when we were on our ship, we didn't have to hold anything back. When Zoro missed Sanji with a flying cut, he took the tip off one giant's nose. Ace slammed Sabo into Kashi's ankle hard enough to break it; my blond brother shook his head and shoved Ace right back through Oimo's. I strapped on my nekode and raced up a giant leg after Sogeking, who kept firing gunpowder stars backwards for me to dodge.

Eventually we all fought and climbed our way to the giants' shoulders. Kashi and Oimo had been trying to swat us like flies the whole time, but their blows hit each other more often than any Straw Hat. Both giants were looking far worse for wear. As for us- fifteen voices sang out in unison as fifteen pirates launched attacks at the giants. Plus Snappy's indignant chirping and biting, of course.

"We Fight Together: Storm of Dreams!"

Kashi and Oimo went down like trees in a hurricane. Standing on their unconscious forms, we suddenly found ourselves faced with a dilemma. "So… Anyone know how to _open_ the gate so we can _get_ to the bridge?"

"One moment please." Conis reloaded her bazooka. "Polaris!" Boom! Our therapist's missile tore a hole through the great barred doors. Luffy was about to dive through without looking, but Sabo held him back.

"Just a second Lu. Ladies first."

Nami smiled. "Thank you Sabo. I'll just make sure there are no surprises waiting on the other side. Thunder Tempo!"

The scent of ozone filled the air as a bolt of lighting cut through. We followed Nami's lead one by one. On the other side of the door we found a few charred marines and a large man with three heads. The heads bickered as we faced them.

"We should send them to Impel Down immediately!" said one.

"No, no, no. They're just trying to help their friend- an admirable, if misguided, sentiment. We should let them go with a warning." The second head shook.

"Death sentence!" roared the third head.

A greatsword swung our way as the third head apparently got what it wanted. Zoro blocked the blade with all three of his. Coby and I instantly raced past, weaving together a blended series of kicks and palm strikes as soon as we were close enough. Thanks to Zoro, we were well inside the reach of the three-headed man's sword by the time he could turn it on the two of us.

"Tiger, tiger burning bright-!"

"-In the forest of the night!"

Using Zoro as a springboard, Nii-chan leapt over our heads as Coby and I delivered simultaneous kicks to our opponent's crotch. "Gomu-Gomu no Axe!"

The central head gasped; the other two were just angry. "Foolish Straw Hats! We're Judge Baskerville! You'll need far more than that to defea-!"

"Hiken!"

"Dragon Claw!"

"Côtelette!"

In the background I heard clicking noises as Koala dutifully took pictures to give to Dad. Hack just stood beside her, shaking his head. It looked like we didn't really need the revolutionaries- although getting through all the marines outside would've been harder without them. And I enjoyed Koala's company, especially the way she could make Sabo-nii act like such a love-struck girl. Sabo- _neechan_. Although admittedly the flirting while fighting was a bit much.

Judge Baskerville was still standing, though barely. Charred, battered, and dizzy, he swayed as he addressed a support pillar. "You'll never get past us you filthy pirates!"

Captain Snappy bit the judge on the leg. Baskerville hopped on one foot, cursing, until he tripped over one of his fallen subordinates. The judge's robe fell open as he collapsed, revealing three bodies under the three heads. Nii-chan huffed.

"Just three guys sitting on each other's laps? That's not nearly as cool."

"So," Ace-nii wanted to know, "Where's this bridge thing anyways?"

Koala pulled a map out of her hat. "I stole this from a vice-admiral I met a few months ago; knew it would come in handy someday. Let's see… Oh. It looks like the controls to open and close the bridge are on the other side. I hope you've got a plan for if they've pulled it up."

"We'll think of something," Sabo-nii assured her. "We always do."

It didn't take long to find the gate that led to the bridge. As Koala had expected, someone on the other side had pulled it up. Luffy looked around quickly. His eyes lit up as he glanced at the top of the tower opposite us.

"I see Robin! She's with an ugly magenta-hair marine, Lucci, Wren, and Blue-Hair Speedo Bandit!"

"Can _she_ see _us_?" I demanded. "Can we get a message to her?"

"Don't think so. But if we can get up on the roof of this place I think I can rocket everyone to there." Nii-chan pointed at a window about halfway up the tower opposite.

Ghin groaned and pressed one hand against his jar of dirt. Lacking any better ideas though, we all ran for the roof. As we emerged onto flat white stone, our way was blocked by- Blueno from the bar in Water Seven?

"Are you one of those CP9 peoples too?" Luffy demanded.

"Yes."

"Okay." My brother motioned with his hand for the rest of us to stay back. "Gimme a minute guys. I wanna try something."

"Lu!"

"I'll be _fine_ Ace."

As Luffy charged Blueno, the CP9 agent momentarily disappeared. "Soru." He was behind Nii-chan faster than Coby's Flash Pistol. My boyfriend's eyes widened.

"Oh- oh! I see how he's doing that! I wonder…" Coby trailed off, lost in thought.

"Geppo! Rankakyu!" Blueno hopped through the air to avoid a Gomu-Gomu no Whip, firing a kick at Nii-chan before he landed. My brother rolled out of the way.

"Hey! Mind showing me'n Coby that Soru thing one more time?"

Blueno didn't answer. Instead he shot another Rankakyu at Luffy. This time Nii-chan jumped to avoid it. The kick cut deep into the stone of the roof; when my brother came down, he landed on rubble. Luffy immediately kicked off, charging in close again.

"Gomu-Gomu no Bazooka!"

"Soru! Rankakyu!" Blueno was out of the way well before he could be hit, and this time his shockwave kick cut into rubber and drew blood. Even so, Nii-chan was grinning.

"Got it! How 'out you Coby?"

"I- I think so! But be careful- your powers might make it work differently!"

"Let's find out." Nii-chan appeared to vibrate for a moment as he slid into a low stance, his legs twitching like stuck pistons. His skin turned bright red, almost like a sunburn, and steam rose from his joints. "Gear Second!"

My brother vanished, the only sign of his presence a puff of steam. Blueno blinked, startled. And in that millisecond he received a rubber fist to the face. "Jet Pistol!"

Blueno spat out a mouthful of blood. "Okay, you're fast. Speed isn't everything though! Tekkai!"

Coby watched everything the agent did. He watched even more intently as Luffy began hammering away at this invincible defence. "Jet Gattling!"

"Trying to steal marine techniques?" I teased, elbowing my boyfriend. He shrugged and nodded, a small smile crossing his face.

"Why not? They're just leaving them lying around for anyone to see, and we _are_ pirates."

"Rankakyu! Tekkai!"

"Jet Bell!"

Even if it didn't do damage, that last attack pushed Blueno back a ways. The agent apparently realized he couldn't win fighting on the defensive. He scowled. "Congratulations Straw Hat! You're enough of a nuisance that I actually have to use my De-!"

"Jet Bazooka!" Nii-chan saw the opening and took it. Silly bad guys, always stopping to monologue. There was a puff of steam and the sound of breaking ribs. Blueno spat blood as he was launched into the sky. The agent/barkeeper disappeared into the distance with a mystery twinkle.

"Yosh! It worked!" Nii-chan staggered for a moment as the red faded from his skin, then ran to the edge of the roof. Rubber lungs inflated for an ear-bursting bellow. "Hang in there Robin! We're coming for you!"

High above us, Robin leaned forwards as far as her shackles would allow. Even from this far away I could see her tears. "Everyone… I left so you would be safe! Just go away!"

"No!"

The snotty magenta-haired marine squawked with outrage. "You pirates are stupid! Why risk your lives coming after this demon of a woman?! Do you even understand what you're doing?!"

"I understand just fine." Luffy's hat shadowed his eyes. He pointed at the World Government flag that fluttered at the top of Ennies Lobby. "Shoot it down."

Conis and Sogeking looked at each other. "Who's he talking to?"

"Me, obviously- I'm the sniper."

"But I'm the one who's _actually on the crew_."

"That's low! And anyway, I'm-!"

"Oh move _over_!" Sabo-nii shoved them both out of the way, eyes blazing. He had a bomb of some sort in one hand. "Llama, what's this one called?"

"That's a Blue Burst."

"Right, thank you." My blond brother hurled the explosive with all his strength. "Dragon's Breath: Blue Burst!"

A tremendous flash of azure burned my retinas. Once I blinked away the spots I saw what was left of the government flag falling… Burning… The marine who had Robin was turning purple with rage.

"You just- You just- You idiots! You would declare war on the entire world for this worthless woman?!"

"Robin's not worthless! She's our friend!" Nii-chan's anger flared, giving me a headache.

The rest of us lined up beside Luffy in a show of support. Above us, Robin was crying even harder. "Please… Everyone… Go and save yourselves! Just let me die!"

"No!"

"Why? That's all I want right now! To die! For this to be over!"

"You're lying!" Nii-chan grit his teeth and stared up at our archaeologist. "Tell the truth! Tell me what you really want- captain's orders!"

Sobbing, Robin raised her head. "I- I want to live! Take me out to sea with you!"

"Yosh! Everyone get ready!"

In the time it took us to get in position, Blue-Hair Speedo Bandit had burned something that pissed the snotty marine off even more. The funky thug got himself kicked over the edge of the tower. He still had his manacles and shackles on, so there was nothing he could do to try and slow his fall. But there was something we could do…

"Gomu-Gomu no Rocket!"

We crashed through a window into the Ennies Lobby tower. Zoro had managed to grab Blue Hair Speedo Bandit as we flew through the air. Ha! Perfect timing. The large, metallic man fought back tears as Sabo-nii broke his chains.

"That was super beautiful Straw Hat! I'm sorry I tried to rob you guys earlier!"

"So who are you and why did you?" Nami demanded. Her eyes shone red.

"The name's Franky, ex-shipwright, current dismantler. I need the money for my dream: to build the greatest ship ever seen, that can sail to the ends of the world and beyond."

Nii-chan's eyes shone like stars. Beside him, Koala cleared her throat. "More important to our current mission, what does CP9 want with a ship dismantler?"

Franky sighed as he stood. "I had some plans for an old weapon- that's what I burned up there. Old Tom left 'em to me'n Iceberg to protect; no way was I lettin' the government get somethin' like that."

Koala nodded. "And did you see how many CP9 agents are in the building?"

"Includin' the guy you took down on the roof? Seventeen."

"So sixteen left," Sabo-nii mused. "That's almost one each."

"I get Wren," I growled. My blond brother looked at me with concern.

"Blue…"

"She killed Sora. _I get Wren_."

Kaya raised her hand. "Do we go together or split up?"

"Chapapapapapa!" A round man with a zipper-like mouth bounced into the room. "You'll never get the key to Nico Robin's shackles pirates! All keys are guarded by our agents and even if you get one, you won't know if it's right!"

We all sweatdropped. The man seemed to realize what he'd just said, as he shifted nervously and momentarily zipped his odd mouth. "I shouldn't have said that. Should not have said that."

"I guess we're splitting up then." Sanji took a drag on his cigarette. "Unless the shitty Monkey gentleman thinks he can break Robin-swan's shackles too."

Sabo-nii shook his head. "Franky's were ordinary steel; Robin's will be kairoseki. I can't break that by hand yet."

"Okay then. I guess I call dibs on this shitty bastard. Mouton Shot!"

Our cook leapt to engage the loose-lipped round man, who dodged with Soru. The rest of us scattered as he did so. A brief glance over my shoulder showed Sanji launching into a dance of spinning kicks as his opponent bounced around like a ball. I smiled and turned my attention back to finding the stairs. Our cook would be fine.

 **LLAMA**

While meeting a man who glowed radioactive green wasn't the last thing she expected, it was pretty far down the list. The little demolitions expert immediately changed the colour of his clothes to an eye-gouging pink- not that it would do any good. He blinked at her.

"Ah, you must be the girl who ate the Iro-Iro no Mi. I've heard Captain Rappanui talk about you. He calls you the Stick Ninja; why?"

Instead of answering, Llama tossed a handful of bombs. "Nova Constellation!" The CP9 agent Sorued out of the way with a sigh.

"Not a talker I see. Oh well, I suppose it doesn't matter. Radium Rankakyu!"

This flying kick was different from the others', tinged green. Llama barely managed to duck out of the way. The cut it formed on the wall behind her was scorched and glowing faintly. Combine that with the word radium… Oh no.

"In the name of fairness, I should warn you: using bombs in my presence is not wise. I ate the Genshi-Genshi no Mi and became a radioactive man."

Great, just great. If she touched him she'd either burn or get cancer, and if she blew him up she'd destroy the entire building. She was a chemist, not a particle physicist! Llama bit her lip and dodged another Radium Rankakyu, trying to remember how nuclear reactors worked.

"Alpha Shigan!" A rapid finger poke tore through her scarf and shirt, grazing her arm. Llama jumped backwards and whipped out her stick. Hopefully it would survive blocking a few radioactive attacks. At least alpha radiation was the relatively harmless one. _Relatively_.

Llama thought fast as she blocked Alpha Shigans and dodged Radium Rankakyus. Let's see… Lead blocked radiation, but she didn't have any. It took more than she could lift to avoid gamma rays anyway, and those were the ones she was worried about. Gamma rays weren't particles like alpha and beta. They were waves, like x-rays… Or light! Not that there was anything offensive she could do with that knowledge… Her fruit only changed the colour of light an object reflected- she couldn't manipulate light itself.

But maybe that would be enough. Llama smiled into her scarf. It would be a lot of colours, but if she could pull it off… This would be so much easier if she could _see_ gamma rays though. Maybe someone could make her some special goggles in case this happened again. Except that sort of tinkering was Usopp's thing…

To the naked eye, everything in the room suddenly went black. Llama started to sweat almost immediately; she could feel a headache coming on. If she remembered correctly, gamma rays were around 10^19 to 10^24 Hz, so she focused her powers on that. It had the added benefit of helping her blend into the background while her opponent stood out like a star. She couldn't stop him glowing, after all.

It was just too bad she could no longer keep his clothes pink.

Llama slipped and slid through the darkness, quiet as light. Each time she struck with her stick she was already moving lest her target find her by touch. He tried using Soru and Geppo to get away, but with the whole room a flat black he couldn't even find the door.

Unfortunately, there were too many colours to hold for long. Llama had to drop most of them after less than a minute, reduced to radiation-proofing herself. The CP9 agent, battered and bruised but still very much conscious, glowered.

"Well… I suppose your fruit isn't as worthless as I'd first assumed."

"Yeah. Me neither."

Less worried than before about cancer, Llama closed with her stick. Of course, now that he could see her, her opponent knew when to defend himself. "Tekkai!"

He stopped glowing when he tensed. Interesting. Maybe this ultimate defense would also defend others- or at least prevent him from taking out the _whole_ tower. The next time she closed in Llama snatched a key from her opponent's pocket as she hit him with her stick. He didn't seem to notice, launching a Radium Rankakyu as she scrambled away. Grinning into her scarf, Llama pulled the pin on her last experimental bomb and rushed in again.

If her target had seen bother her hands, he probably wouldn't have used Tekkai yet again. But he could only see the one with the stick; the one holding the bomb was concealed behind purple wool. Llama slipped her weapon into the radioactive man's pocket and ran for the door.

"Whitefire!"

Fwoosh! Sticking flames spread throughout the room she'd just left. Her opponent was just _gone_ , vaporized before his powers could kick back in. Llama wasn't sure how she felt about that. It was her first time intentionally killing someone- first time she even knew they were actually dead. But she wasn't able to subdue someone that dangerous hand to hand, so it had to be done. Anything to protect her new family.

 **CONIS**

Her missiles did nothing passing harmlessly through… Clouds? Really? A second later the angel had her assumption proven right when her opponent started raining on her. It was an itchy, burning rain, like the strong chemicals Llama used to make her Green Stars.

Conis rolled out of the way with a shrug. At least it was something she was familiar with. She wiped the burning rain off her skin with a nearby rug. It was like sparring with Ace, she supposed; maybe on the Blue Seas logias like Enel truly weren't anything special. At least her opponent hadn't thought to turn into iron cloud yet. Conis had never fought in the Skypeian-Shandoran conflict herself, so she wasn't entirely sure how to deal with that.

She did know the best way to deal with Devil Fruit users though. She had limited shots that way, so every one would have to count. Rather than loading more mundane ammunition, the angel fiddled with one of the dials attached to her bazooka.

"Aquarius!" A jet of water shot out to strike the cloud girl in the jaw. Conis immediately rolled behind a desk to avoid the retaliatory blast of cloud- and this time it _was_ iron cloud. Hopefully four more shots would be enough…

 **BON-CHAN**

"Coco-Rankakyu!"

A wave of coconuts crashed into the okama. He bounced into a wall with a cough, his wind knocked out. It was amazing- he never would've imagined that the Moku-Moku no Mi: Model Palm Tree could be so dangerous. His bark-skinned opponent closed quickly, hula skirt making a lovely swishing sound.

"You'll never beat me in dance you deranged ballerina!"

"Maybe… But as long as I'm fighting for my friends, you'll never defeat my okama way!" Bon-chan spun to his feet and kept spinning. It made him horribly dizzy, but the coconuts hurt less when his rotation sent them bouncing off. Now he just needed to get closer… closer… Perfect.

"Black Swan Fouette!" A snapping, slipper clad foot connected with a bark-covered hand. The okama grinned.

 **CHOPPER AND FRANKY**

"So different drinks change your personality? That's so cool!" The reindeer doctor had stars in his eyes even as he dodged tentacles of pink hair. His cyborg companion scowled.

"Quit messin' around and just get me some cola! I can't fight if you're playin' with me! I ain't some toy!"

"Oops! Sorry!" Chopper finally grabbed the right bottles and threw them over to Franky. The cyborg's hair stood back up as he refueled.

"Super! Alright li'l buddy, ready to kick some ass?"

"Of course!" Chopper pulled out a yellow pill and crunched it up. "Rumble." The little reindeer grew taller as he assumed arm point.

"Strong right!"

"Kokutei Roseo!" After long minutes of this pink tentacle-hair creep running them around in circles, they could finally fight back.

 **GHIN**

Chains. Why did it have to be chains? They were all tangled around his arms and tonfa now, making movement difficult. And unlike his jump-kicking, finger-stabbing opponent, Ghin didn't have much in the way of unarmed combat training. He'd be at a quarter his usual strength if he dropped his weapons to wiggle free. The chain wielding CP9 agent laughed.

"Foolish mortal! You never had a prayer against Kyton the Chain Devil! I sentence you to eternity in Hell!" It was also just Ghin's luck that he'd get the crazy opponent who thought he was some sort of dark god or something. He wasn't, but Ghin was so used to being ignored by insanity that he didn't bother trying to burst his very-mortal opponent's bubble. Instead he played along.

"Devil? Hell?" Ghin smirked. "Now you're speaking my language. Every day with these kids is some kind of Hell and you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way." Okay, maybe this playing along with insanity was kind of fun. He should do it more oft- no, that would only encourage the kids to do even crazier things.

Ghin strained. The look of shock on Kyton's face when his chains snapped was priceless. His bloodied corpse would be even more so. _No one_ hurt Ghin's kids. "Grimm Secret!"

 **KAYA**

"I wasn't aware that fishmen could look like something that isn't an actual fish," the nurse mused as she Ghost Stepped away from stinging tendrils. "Although I suppose Hachi was a mollusc…"

Her gelatinous opponent didn't answer, instead reaching out with some sort of neurotoxic Shigan. Kaya had long since established that the poor boy couldn't talk- probably something his master had done to him, since he appeared to be a slave. She felt sorry for him, but she wasn't sure if there was anything she could do. Perhaps if she could break that collar on his neck…

Kaya moved again, going over her inventory of toxins in her head. To try anything on the collar, she'd have to sedate its wearer. After that… Some hydrochloric acid should dissolve the locking and punishment mechanisms quite nicely, as long as they weren't made of kairoseki. Then the box jellyfish fishman would be free to go home to wherever box jellyfish fishmen came from. Now, was his anatomy more humanoid or more jellyfish?

To check his temperature Kaya let herself get hit, taking a kick to her stomach. Warm. Mammalian. So fishmen were more like humans. That meant anything that worked on her crew should work here. Kaya smiled and stabbed three needles into the fishman's leg, injecting three doses of the sedative she usually used on Bluejay.

 **USOPP** **/SOGEKING**

If anyone had asked who was afraid of the big, bad wolf, the sniper would have answered with a resounding "Me!" Why did he have to fight such a gore-happy hunting freak? This guy was _terrifying_. Bluejay should be fighting him- they'd get along well. The only thing Usopp had tried so far that had nearly worked was getting him in kairoseki handcuffs, and that plan went out the window as soon as the wolf-man woke up.

To be honest, he wasn't really sure why he was here. He's seen the crew leaving the hotel, heard Robin was in trouble, and rushed to follow, but why? He wasn't on the crew anymore- he'd made that abundantly clear and it was his own fault. The sniper knew that. And he regretted it so much. There had to be a way to get them to take him back, something that would save both his and Luffy's pride. As for right now- right now he was just a terrified sniper, running from a wolf zoan as he tried to help save a friend.

Ah, right, that was why he was here. Even if he wasn't on the crew, he still thought of them as friends. He hoped they felt the same about him.

Once a Straw Hat, always a Straw Hat- at least in spirit. As soon as he had sufficient range, the sniper turned and unleashed the power of _Kabuto_. "Firebird Star! Rotten Egg Star! Tabasco Star!"

 _Good choice. That'll hurt his sense of smell; wolves' noses are very sensitive. Hit him there again!_

Usopp took a moment to stare at his weapon as he grabbed some more ammo to fire at his opponent. "Huh. Either I'm crazier than I thought I was, or Zoro's not as crazy as I thought he was. Eh, doesn't matter. Lead Star!"

 **NAMI**

She did _not_ want to imagine the disaster that would've gone down if Sanji had ended up fighting this soapy, sexy woman. Nami shook her head. Even _she_ kept almost falling for Kalifa's feminine wiles, and the cook was a hundred thousand times worse. Maybe someone in a committed relationship would've been a better choice- Coby or Bluejay… Maybe even Sabo, with the eyes he kept making at the one revolutionary.

"Mirage Tempo!" Nami's illusion bought her some time to think. Kalifa was a much better physical fighter than she was, and she had the bruises to prove it. The soap didn't make things any easier; even when Nami _could_ get near her opponent, she skidded all over the floor and her strikes slipped off. The lack of friction even made it hard to hold her clima-tact and aim her lightning.

So the first order of business was to get rid of that soap. Good thing Nami had just the thing for that. She twisted her clima-tact. "Rain Tempo!"

 **COBY**

"Soru!"

"Flash Pistol!"

Fighting someone who could so easily match him for speed was a new experience for the pink-haired cabin boy. So was fighting a sheep zoan. He'd taken a head-butt to the stomach almost immediately, distracted by how much Agent Meer's fluffy head and yellow horns looked like the _Going Merry_. Coby winced as he moved. It felt like one of his ribs might be cracked. That would teach him to get distracted in a fight. At least his opponent's annoying personality made it easy to forget his resemblance the Straw Hats' beloved ship once he started talking.

"Die criminal scum! Rankakyu!"

"The law isn't always right! Falling Star!"

 **SABO**

He'd definitely gotten lucky, crashing through the wall into the same boiler room where Koala and Hack were tag-teaming a guy with a rust fruit. The redhead was so beautiful when she was punching guys twice her size in the throat.

Wham! A spinning kick slammed into the side of the distracted gentleman's head. Sabo shook himself. Right, he had his own opponent: a leather clad agent named Wright whose Devil Fruit allowed him to spin his body parts like a propeller. The Straw Hat _really_ missed his pipe right now. Dragon Claw didn't have the range he needed to avoid swirling, blade-like appendages, and if he blocked them by hand too many times he would break his fingers. That would make fighting without a pipe even _harder_.

Sabo was saved by the voice of an angel. "Top Hat, catch!" Seconds later a pipe, torn from the side of the great boiler, slammed into his palm. He laid into his newly stunned opponent with glee.

"Five Toes of the Emperor! Thanks Koala! You have no idea how much that helps. I could kiss you for this!"

"Save it for later lover boy!"

 _Well_ , Sabo thought as he smashed his new pipe into Wright's head, _that wasn't a no_. A delightful ringing noise filled the air. His new pipe was made of much better steel than his last one; maybe it wouldn't be cut if he had to block another Rankakyu with it.

 **ACE**

"Gah! You're so annoying!"

"Same to you!"

Fire and steam broke apart after yet another pointless charge. It was almost as bad as fighting Smoker, although at least it smelled better. Ace fired another Hiken as a steamy Rankakyu passed harmlessly through his pelvis. The fire logia found himself wishing he'd paid more attention when Sabo was teaching Blue about science. Maybe then he'd be able to think of a way to break this stalemate.

Sogeking ran by, hounded by a wolf zoan. Ace grinned at the pun. The sniper dropped something as he fled, manacles it looked like. That made Ace frown. Were those made of kairoseki? It sure looked like it. Pulling a handkerchief out of his leg pouch, the firecracker wrapped his hand in it before grabbing the manacles and slamming them into his opponent's head. Metallic stone met skull with a hollow thud. Ace grinned.

"Okay, now we're talking. Need to get some knives made of this stuff." The freckled young man continued to grin as he bludgeoned his steamy opponent ungracefully with the manacles. What had been a frustrating stalemate turned into a very one-sided beatdown. Spade chirped cheerfully from his perch on Ace's hat, enjoying the bloodshed and occasionally fluttering his fledging wings.

 **ZORO AND SNAPPY**

"Forgive me for asking, but there's something about you fish that has me all balled up." Kaku smiled politely as blades clashed together. Zoro grunted.

"Ask away. You'll still lose."

"Alrighty then… Who's the strongest? Who's in charge? I can't make heads or tails of you fish."

"Well…" Zoro launched a series of the fastest attacks he knew. Kaku blocked each with ringing blades. "Luffy's the captain- the only one most of us would follow- but he likes to leave most of the thinking to Sabo or Bluejay. As for the strongest… That'd be Ace, unless you need some sort of big plan. Then it's Sabo."

"Straw Hat seems like a fun leader- I wish Lucci was a little more like him sometimes. And where do you fit in Torpedo?"

"Fourth strongest- just behind Luffy. I'm his first mate… Whatever that means on our crazy crew."

Captain Snappy darted around, trying to bite Kaku's arms and legs. The agent Sorued and Geppoed out of the way. "I don't understand."

"Yeah, that's what a lot of people say when they meet us."

"But the strongest is _always_ the big cheese! Lucci'd bump off anyone who said otherwise. How can you fish function any other way? I'd be insulted that I'm only fighting the fourth strongest- I'm second- but you're a lot of fun. Although your pet's creepy."

"So the lizard thing wasn't part of your cover?"

"No siree."

Zoro shrugged, blocking a Rankakyu with one sword as he lunged in with his other two. "As for how we function… It's because we're friends… No, not friends. Family. Oni Giri!"

One of Kaku's swords broke; the agent was pushed back. Confusion showed briefly on his face. "What does that even mean? Iceberg used to say that about Galley-La too, but he never explained it."

"Can't explain. I didn't understand myself until four crazy Monkeys and their pink-haired sidekick turned my life upside down." The Straw Hat swordsman brought _Yubashiri_ down on his opponent's remaining blade. Kaku's sword broke.

Yellow and brown spots flowed over the agent's skin as he started to transform. "Well, I'd better start hitting on all sixes now, eh Torpedo? This's the perfect chance to try out my new fruit."

Zoro and Captain Snappy sweatdropped in unison. "You're… a giraffe?"

"Absolutely! Giraffes are the bee's knees!" Kaku scrunched his neck in, then shot his head out at Zoro as if launching it from a spring. "Bigan!"

What followed was dreadfully embarrassing. Deprived of his swords, Kaku kept launching the same move over and over- _and it kept working_! Zoro just couldn't seem to move fast enough to get out of the way. "How can something so repetitive be so damn effective?"

"Give me a break Torpedo! I've only had these powers for about an hour!"

That just made this even more embarrassing. Zoro looked at Captain Snappy. "Snappy, get outta the way. I'm gonna try something, and I don't want you getting hurt."

"Scra!" The little dinosaur scrambled back obediently.

Back in his old dojo, Zoro had just been starting ki training when he'd left and… gotten lost. Yes, he could admit that in his own head, safe from the cook's hearing. So the swordsman had some idea that he could do _something_ with the energy from his spirit- he just didn't know what. And like any good Straw Hat, when he didn't know what to do, he improvised. Angry spiritual energy began to rise up from the swordsman, stemming both from him and his blades. A Rankakyu halted in the air centimeters from his nose.

 _Finally!_ was the gleeful shriek of _Sandai Kitetsu_.

"Kiki Kyutoryu: Asura Ichibugin!" Zoro leapt towards Kaku, tearing right through a massive shockwave as he pounced on his target. The giraffe's cry of "Rankakyu Amanedachi!" went unheard.

By the time Zoro was himself again, Kaku was laid out on the ground before him. The giraffe groaned and… Smiled? "Looks like you win this round Torpedo. Funny… I've never had so much fun losing before."

Zoro sheathed his swords and took off his bandanna to wipe away sweat. "If you're looking for fun, you could always join a circus."

"Heh. You're right. Might be the best choice, since I'm guessing I don't have a job at Galley-La anymore."

"You're probably right. Didn't get much chance to talk to Paulie or Iceberg before we came here, but I'm pretty sure you're all fired."

"Too bad. It was a nice change."

Uncertain, Zoro frowned at his fallen opponent. "You don't have to be an assassin you know."

"I know Torpedo. Just trying to decide whether it's worth risking my neck leaving Lucci for something else."

"It _is_ a lot of neck to risk."

"Quit razzing me! I got enough of it from Jabra earlier!"

 **BLUEJAY**

Nii-chan and I ended up at the same place. That was okay though; there were two opponents there. I _really_ didn't feel like sharing. Growling, I leapt at Wren as she and Lucci turned to face us.

"Red Tigress' Claw!"

"Gomu-Gomu no Bazooka!"

The CP9 siblings avoided us with twin Sorus. Smashing noises echoed behind me as Nii-chan started to fight with Lucci. I didn't look. Instead I met Wren's steady gaze as she leaned out of the way of my clawing strikes. She was smiling the whole time.

"Red Tigress' Hunting Grounds!"

"Soru." Wren slipped off to one side. Her hair wasn't even ruffled. She reached in to pat my head, then withdrew too fast for me to catch her. "Oh cute, the little kitten has claws. Well Kit, if that's how you wanna fight, let's see how you do against a _real_ tigress."

Wren changed, glistening copper fur rolling over her skin as she dropped to all fours. Fangs the size of my tanto gleamed white. "Ancient Zoan- Neko-Neko no Mi: Model Smilodon. Scared yet Kitten?"

I considered this for a second. Nope, no fear, only rage. "My name is Monkey D Bluejay Jones; you killed my cousin. Prepare to die. Red Tigress Claw!"

"That poor fool?" Wren laughed, leaping out of the way. "No, I didn't want him. He died cause he got in the way. I was after _you_. Nothing's sweeter than the cry of agony as a foolish young man loses his baby sister; I would've loved to hear Straw Hat cry."

A wordless snarl left my lips. I pounced, landing on Wren's back and grabbing on. Sadly my nekode were unable to do damage through her thick fur. The sabretooth agent rolled, crushing be beneath more than four times my weight in cat. I was forced to let go as my wind was knocked out. Wren's roll carried her into Lucci, who was now in half-leopard form, just after he's kicked Nii-chan into a pillar. Lucci clawed his sister's nose.

"Stay _out_ of my _way_ Wren!"

"Sorry Onii-sama!"

My opponent charged back at me, aiming to crush me with a flying tackle. This time I was ready. With my arms and legs raised I was able to hold her bulk from squashing my lungs. Still, I was on my back on the floor with a sabretooth tiger leaning on me- not a good place to be. Her fangs grazed my shoulder; I could barely hold her up enough to keep her from getting my neck.

"Aw, what's the poor kitten gonna do? She's all pinned!"

"That's what you think. White Tiger's Roar!" I slammed my forehead into Wren's face as hard as I could. She backed up with a snort of surprise; no animal likes being hit on the nose.

"Mauling Red Tigress!" Rolling to all fours, I leapt for my opponent's throat. Neither my teeth nor my nekode could pierce her fur. Wren laughed and batted me into a pillar.

"Poor kitten still has her milk teeth. You'll never beat me without fangs. Just submit. You're younger than the others; maybe I can keep you as a pet."

Fangs… Did I dare? He'd never taught me how, but I'd _seen_ Zoro do it often enough. I drew my tanto and clamped my teeth on the hilt. It was… lighter than I'd thought it'd be. Easier. Still, how in the Nine Hells did Zoro talk like this? I could already feel saliva dripping down my chin.

Wren and I pounced at the same time. I blocked her fangs with my tanto, wincing at the shock that went through my teeth. Yeah, no, I wouldn't be making a habit of this. I doubted I could keep it up for long. So I reached over where our faces met and dragged my nekode across Wren's eyes. She roared in agony, one massive paw batting me into a wall. My glasses flew off my face and broke with a tinkling noise.

I rolled to my feet just as Wren came on blindly to maul me. For a seemingly endless time- that really couldn't have been more than a minute or two- I dodged and blocked huge claws and teeth. Then Wren reared up with a roar of frustration. I think she meant to crush me under her weight when she came back down; I didn't wait to find out. Instead I lunged in, hands holding velvet paws out to the sides to keep away deadly claws. My tanto found a furred throat and bit in.

Blood fountained over me- I'd hit an artery. There was a ragged mewl of pain, then the light left those golden feline eyes. I collapsed under the sudden burden as more than three hundred kilograms of dead weight fell on top of me. Struggling to extricate myself, I was able to watch the tail-end of Nii-chan's fight (pun not intended). Sort of. It was very blurry.

"Jet Pistol!" My brother steamed with the heat of Gear Second. The increased speed wasn't enough to allow him to dodge _all_ of Lucci's attacks though.

"Oren Shigan!" Seven finger stabs dug into rubber. Luckily none hit vital organs, but Luffy was still bleeding profusely. I saw him briefly glance my way and grin.

"Shishishi! My little sister beat yours!"

"That has no bearing on _our_ fight Straw Hat. Rankakyu!"

"Jet Gatling!"

"Tekkai!"

Nii-chan frowned as he realized he was getting nowhere. Actually, he looked like he was still on the losing end. I wanted to help, but I couldn't; getting out from under Wren's body was taking a while. Why do dead things always weigh more than live ones?

Dodging another Rankakyu, Nii-chan bit his thumb. At first I was confused- what about Zoro? But this was no quiet-talk message. A dribble of blood welled up as my brother bit himself deep. "Gear Third!"

Luffy blew air into his arm, inflating it. "Shishishi! This is the arm of a giant! Gomu-Gomu no Giant Pistol!"

Smash! Lucci was suddenly gone- as was most of a nearby wall and the office beyond it. Amidst the rubble on the floor I could see the unconscious form of the magenta marine, along with an equally unconscious… elephant sword? I would ask about that later. Robin, still chained, beamed tearfully and kicked the prone forms from where she sat.

Then Lucci climbed back in through the hole in the outer wall. "You won't get rid of me so easy Straw Hat."

"Easy?" Nii-chan panted. "S'not easy. I'd like to see you blow your bones up this big Pigeon-Man."

Lucci's pigeon appeared at that moment, shrieking. Nii-chan punched it into a pillar; it stayed down. The leopard zoan's eyes blazed. "Rodan Rankakyu!"

Nii-chan couldn't dodge- his giant fist balloon made him too slow. The enhanced Rankakyu cut a deep line across his chest and shoulder. It also clove four suits of armour that decorated the hall behind my brother in twain. Nii-chan hissed.

"Ow! That hurt! And you almost hit Blue, you asshole! Leave her alone; her fight's done!"

"If you want me to leave your sister alone, you'd best defeat me quickly."

"Fine by me. Gear Second!" Nii-chan pumped his legs and steamed, the speed he gained countering the awkwardness of his giant fist. "Jet Giant Pistol!"

"Kami-e." Lucci fluttered out of the way before launching a storm of finger-spears. "Oren Shigan!"

My brother spat out a wad of blood; more dripped from a few fresh wounds. The air he'd blown into his fist shifted as he glared at Lucci, through his body and down into one of his feet. He was still shining red- at least, until he disappeared from my blurry vision.

"Jet Giant Axe!"

Bam! A massive rubber foot slammed Lucci down through three floors; a groan from below told me the cat was definitely pasted this time. Luffy sighed and deflated, flopping over beside me as I finally worked my way free. He looked tiny- a child sized blur- and totally exhausted.

"Blue… Carry me."

I tried to stand, but I couldn't. My limbs were shaking too much; I could barely make my hands work well enough to sheath my tanto. We'd done it; we'd saved Robin and avenged Sora. So why did I still feel so empty? Vengeance was supposed to be sweet. I broke down crying as our archaeologist squirmed over to where my brother and I lay. There was a rumbling noise as the floor started to tremble.

That was where everyone else found us. Ace and Sabo picked up Nii-chan and I as Sogeking unlocked Robin's chains. Zoro looked out the hole in the wall, scowling. "Oi, where'd all those marine ships come from all of a sudden?"

Robin shook. "Spandam. He ordered a Buster Call when Tiger-chan and the captain started to look like they might win. Five vice-admirals… We'll never get off this island. You should have left when you had the chance."

Ghin shook his head. "The Dons would never leave someone behind like that."

Squinting, Nami peered towards the horizon. "Is that… Usopp, I need to borrow you binoculars."

Sogeking cleared his throat. "I don't know who you're talk-!"

"Binoculars. _Now_."

Thus equipped, our navigator stared out over the se with a gasp. "It is! I don't know how it's possible, but it is! The _Merry_ \- she'd coming through the blockade!"

"Who's sailing her?" Sanji demanded. Nami shook her head.

"Nobody- I can't see anybody. But that doesn't matter right now; if we get down to her, we can escape."

Franky struck a pose. "Super! Alright Straw Hats, hang-!"

"Everyone hang onto me," Ace-nii interrupted. "I've got an idea. Whatever you do, don't let go and don't squish Lu."

The resultant tangled ball of pirates and revolutionaries was very awkward. I can't begin to describe who was pressed against who how; I could barely breathe. Franky sulked as we got ready, though he did as Ace said.

"Three… Two… One… Blast off!" Fire roared out of Ace's feet, launching all of us like a rocket. Just in time too; a cannonball smashed into where we'd just been standing.

For a few moments it looked like we might not make it. Then _Merry_ surged forwards against the current and heavy boots hit wood. Nineteen people, a bird, and a velociraptor fell apart and sprawled over the deck. We didn't even have to get up and start sailing; the _Merry_ turned and began to head back to Water Seven on her own.

"How's this happening?" Sogeking asked, breathless with wonder. Franky looked around.

"Your super little ship must have a klabautermann- a guardian fae. I've never seen one that loved its crew enough to do _this_ before though."

 **xXx**

We made our way past the Buster Call ships without being seen. It wasn't until we were in sight of Water Seven that our escape had an issue. Then a strong wave hit and we heard it: a great snapping pop, like wood and hearts being torn in two. Zoro was immediately on his feet and yelling.

"Everyone into the _Moon Boat_!"

"There's no way we'll all fit!" Coby yelled right back, even as he helped our first mate get the dory into the water.

"It's only a few hundred meters to shore; we'll manage."

The _Moon Boat_ was stuffed like a clown car, eighteen people in a dory meant for four. We were all stacked atop each other, clinging to shoulders and clambering over laps. Hack declined to join us, instead swimming beside the boat in case someone fell overboard.

Once safely on shore we turned to face the _Merry_ \- our beloved home now split in two and slowly sinking. The last rays of the sun reflected off the ocean to make it look like the battered ram figurehead was crying.

 _I wish I could've sailed with you all just a little longer!_

Tears- everyone was crying now, even Franky, Koala, and Hack. I clung to Sabo-nii with all my strength, unable to stand as I grieved for our home and my cousin. Sabo's head drooped, his hat shadowing his eyes.

"Ace… Burn her."

"What?! Who?!"

"The _Going Merry_ \- burn her. _Merry_ was a warrior; a true warrior's funeral needs fire."

Ace-nii shifted uncomfortably, about to protest. Nii-chan tapped him on the head. "Do it Ace. Has to be you."

One by one everyone nodded. My eldest brother swallowed thickly. "Alright then… Goodbye _Merry_. Hiken!"

As the flames rose high above the water, we heard the _Merry_ 's voice again. Even Conis- I think she was finally starting to believe in spirits and such. The white ram smiled one last time.

 _Luffy… Everyone… Thank you for loving a little East Blue caravel like me!_


	25. Family Reunion

**A/N: If anyone wants to know what Bluejay, Sora, and Llama look like, I've posted a picture of them on my deviantart account (same username). I also have one of Ace, Sabo, Luffy, and Bluejay all cuddled together in a puppy pile in their cabin. More art will be posted occasionally as well.**

 **Edit: Tetsik decided it would be a good idea to have a chatroom where readers could talk to all three of us. I don't know how people feel about this, but if anyone wants... It's a Discord link and I'll put it in the description of my picture BSL on deviantart.**

As with Crocodile in Alabasta, Nii-chan needed a good long nap after fighting Lucci. That was okay though; Iceberg had lent our crew and the revolutionaries a warehouse to recover in, safely hidden from the marines. The remaining Galley-La men took it in turns to bring us food and medical supplies. Every once in a while I heard Usopp outside the window, muttering half-formed plans, wishes, and daydreams about rejoining us before we left.

Not that we could leave all that soon anyways. We still needed a new ship. The only problem was that nothing in Iceberg's catalogue appealed to our crew.

Then one day Franky came to see us. The towering cyborg rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, somehow seeming as small as a child asking for a favour. "Hey Straw Hat bros… Icepop tells me you're still lookin' for a new ship?"

"Yeah…" Ace-nii stroked Nii-chan's hair. At that point Luffy'd been sleeping for almost three days- although he'd managed to eat at least one meal a day in his sleep. Only my brother… "All his ships look great and all, but none of 'em look like _us_. None of 'em look like they'd have Lu for a captain."

"I told you guys about my dream, right? To build the greatest ship ever seen?"

Our crew nodded in unison. Franky continued. "I can do it. Straw Hat- the li'l guy's gonna be king of the pirates someday, right? So he'll need the world's greatest ship."

Nami narrowed her eyes. "What's the catch?"

"I'd need the money _now_. There's some stuff I need- special materials on the black market- and it's a miracle they ain't been sold already. I need to buy 'em _today_."

"How much?"

"200,000,000 beri. With that I can do the whole ship."

"Our ship fund is 300,000,000 beri," Kaya pointed out. We all conferred with silent glances, leaving Koala, Hack, and Franky in the dark.

 _Give him the extra_ Sabo-nii said with a shake and a smile. _A little leeway in case something goes wrong. He's right; Lu deserves the best ship._

"Fine." Zoro folded his arms over his chest as Nami reluctantly handed the money to Franky. "But this ship better be damn good."

The cyborg looked surprised that we'd give him more than he asked for, but didn't mention it. "Thanks bro. I promise you won't regret it. I'll do my best to keep a li'l bit of the spirit of your old ship if I can. She really loved you."

 **xXx**

Working on a new watch schedule was hard. I wasn't entirely sure whether to write Usopp out of it or not- he might try to come back, and I was sure Nii-chan would let him. Then I was off watch until I could get a new pair of glasses, and Sora… Every time I tried to fill in my cousin's watch shifts, my eyes started to go watery. It was still too soon.

But life had to go on. I reluctantly erased Sora's name and began writing the new schedule. Sabo-nii flopped into the chair beside me as I did so, groaning and folding his arms on the table. I snorted and forced a smile.

"Things not going well with Koala?"

"No, they're going well enough. Gods above and below, I _really_ like her, and I think she likes me, but… There's so many things I still have to tell her though. How do I make her see the truth about my past? Impossible. She'd turn away from me; she hates nobles."

"But you're not a noble anymore," I pointed out. "You're a Monkey- that's the furthest thing from it."

"Tell that to the newspapers. It's a miracle she hasn't figured me out already."

"Why? Did a new bounty article come out?"

"Not yet, but in the last two they _definitely_ named my family. Do you really think Dad's agents _wouldn't_ read the paper?"

"Maybe she's trying to give you a chance?" I shrugged. Sabo groaned.

"You're useless when I'm trying to be miserable and uncertain; you just keep cheering me up. I'll go whine to Ace instead- at least he'll just freak out and hit me."

My blond brother got up and left. Seconds later, the object of his affections claimed the chair beside me. Koala was working on a report for Dad- at least, when she wasn't making doe-eyes at Sabo. Said report contained almost a hundred photos of my brothers and I kicking marine butt, although Koala kept a few of the best ones of Sabo-nii for herself. I poked her.

"Saa, if you're gonna moon over my brother so much, why not just kiss him already?"

Koala sighed. "I want to; I really want to. It's just… I don't know if I can trust him yet. He's holding back; he's hiding. But what? I can't decide…"

Sabo-nii was out of earshot, so I leaned closer to whisper. "If I tell, promise you won't hate him? Or tell him where you heard it?"

"Why- why would I hate him?"

"I'm not sure if you would, but he thinks so. You know three of us were adopted, right?" When Koala nodded, I continued. "Well, Ace-nii's parents are dead and I can't get back to mine, so there's no problem there. But Sabo-nii's are still around and sort of trying to get him back. He's a runaway- the oldest son of the Outlook family of Goa Kingdom."

"So he thinks I'll hate him because he was born a noble?" Koala's eyes flashed. Before I could say anything more, she got up and stomped over to Sabo, pinching his cheeks.

"You monumental idiot! Why on all the Blues would I hate you for something as stupid as being born a noble? You left, didn't you? That means you _chose not_ to be like them! _That_ 's what I care about!"

"Ouch!" Sabo-nii escaped and rubbed his cheeks. "That hurt! I'm not Lu you know!"

"Of course I know that! I couldn't do _this_ to your younger brother!" Koala grabbed Sabo by the back of his head and dragged him down to her level for a forceful kiss. My blond brother flailed for a moment before relaxing and returning the revolutionary's affections.

Over by Nii-chan, Ace-nii suddenly turned red. "Huh? But… You… No!" Any further words were lost in the crackling of flames as my eldest brother became a pillar of fire.

 **X?X**

Doors. He'd been lost for days with nothing but dark hallways and heavy doors that wouldn't open. Well… There were always the ghostly figures too, but he avoided those. They were creepy and the air was frigid near them. If he went too close, it felt like they might suck out his soul.

Up ahead, a light shone from under one of the doors. That was different. He ran towards it. Hopefully it meant what he thought it did.

When he opened the door- the first one that he'd managed for all his efforts- it led him into a sea of fire and blood. Despite the gruesome imagery, he smiled. He knew where he was now. From here he could find his way home.

 **BLUEJAY**

"Ladies and gentlemen, the narcolepsy has struck again." Sabo-nii pulled out a marker as he made his pronouncement. Our eldest brother- moments earlier a pillar of fire no one could approach- lay passed out beside Nii-chan, snoring loudly. I retrieved my own marker and joined Sabo, scribbling marks like Dad's tattoos over Ace's face.

Almost immediately though, my eldest brother began to twitch with nightmares. That made the whole thing far less amusing. I pulled Ace-nii partway onto my lap, pushing his hat back so I could run my fingers through his hair. Spade tried to bite me. I glared at the little southbird, sending it fluttering away. Gods above and below, the little menace was learning how to fly.

Blue-grey smoke began to seep from Ace's nostrils. That was new. I felt a surge of panic, praying that this wasn't a sign of trouble from his Devil Fruit. Oh, why did he have to be _fire_?

The cloud of smoke grew large and thick as I tried in vain to shake Ace awake. Then my brother sat bolt upright, panting, as the smoke solidified into a tall, humanoid shape.

Sora was charred and covered in blood, staggering where he stood but grinning triumphantly as he pumped his fist. "Yes! Finally got out! Ace's narcolepsy was actually good for something!"

"O…ro?" I stared at my cousin, eyes watering. So… He wasn't dead? Or was I hallucinating? I reached out to gently touch one tattered wing, feeling pebbled scales slick with sweat and blood. Sora didn't seem to notice.

I glomped him soon after though, and he certainly noticed that. My cousin stumbled backwards as I rammed into his stomach, my arms wrapping around his waist. I buried my face in his filthy pineapple shirt.

"You're not dead!" I sobbed. "We saw you fall… And burn… No body… But it's cause you're not dead! Where were you?"

"Kay-Kay… Organs… Crushing them…"

Releasing my cousin, I moved around to his side, clinging to his arm instead. Sora flicked his tail up to toy with my ponytail as Chopper rushed over. Our doctor had tears in his eyes. The tiny reindeer hugged my cousin's leg for a good thirty seconds before moving on to check Sora's wounds.

"I landed on Paulie when the floor collapsed," my cousin explained. "He was unconscious and I can't control my dreamwalking thing very well yet, so I guess I got pulled in. By the time I'd regained my senses to try and get out though, Paulie'd woken up. I got trapped in this long hallway full of locked doors; couldn't get out until I finally found one that opened up into Ace's dream."

"Thanks for letting Sora out Ace-nii!" I beamed and bounced. Sora made a face as my excitement cause me to jostle his injured wing.

"No… Problem?" My eldest brother, still half asleep, was totally confused.

Sora looked around, taking in injuries and bandages, torn clothing and our still-unconscious captain. When he saw Robin, his eyes went wide. "I-!"

"It wasn't your fault," our archaeologist said quietly. "Don't blame yourself- I went with them because I thought it would protect everyone."

"But I-!"

"Lucci was the one to take me. You couldn't have done anything Rainbow Thief."

My cousin deflated and looked around again. "Okay, I give. What'd I miss?"

"We invaded Ennies Lobby, declared war on the World Government, beat up some spies, and rescued Robin," Nami supplied. "Oh- and Bluejay killed the girl she blamed for your death, and Sabo has a girlfriend."

Wide blue eyes stared down at me. "You killed somebody?"

"Yeah." I shrugged. "She was bad, and I was angry, and we had to beat them anyway… Llama killed a guy too."

Sora leaned down to press his forehead against mine. "You shouldn't have had to do that- either of you. You're just fourteen."

Koala snorted. "Where do you draw the line though? Chopper's fifteen- is _he_ old enough to kill? Your captain's seventeen- is _he_?"

"Point taken." Sora straightened and sighed. "I guess I'm still not used to this world yet."

That earned an incredulous look from Sabo's girlfriend. Right… Koala didn't know about the whole parallel worlds, portals in Canada thing. Ah, well, it didn't matter… This was our home now.

A shadow appeared seemingly from nowhere. "So this is my nephew, eh? He seems a little sheltered, but that won't last long."

Llama jumped, stick appearing from nowhere to whack Dad on the head. I snickered; Dad didn't even flinch. "I give that a two," he informed out demolitions expert absently.

"Two out of what?" Llama asked with a frown.

"On a scale of negative ten to Garp, your hit was a two. Quite impressive for a girl of your age and size."

Growling, Koala marched up to Dad and jabbed her finger at his chest. "You… Do you know how bizarre it was to hear you had kids? And why send me'n Hack, especially if you were on your way? They didn't need our help!"

"I couldn't know that; you know a large portion of CP9 fell off our radar five years ago. And there was no way I could've gotten here on time."

"Okay… But kids?! How?!"

"The usual way- I'm sure you know how sex and adoption work. Doesn't it feel good to know your boss is actually human?" Dad smirked.

"I- ah- urgh!" Koala stomped over to Sabo-nii and proceeded to use him as a cuddle toy. I didn't understand why she was so freaked out by Dad having kids.

Dad laid a hand on Sora's shoulder. "Welcome to the family son. Try to lose that innocent streak soon; it may cause problems in the future. Now… I know Sabo's in good hands with Koala, but where's this Coby I've heard so much about?"

For a moment, Ace-nii looked triumphant. Then my boyfriend stood up with a determined glare. Pink and black faced off across the room in silence. Then Dad smiled and reached over to ruffle Coby's hair. Ace's face fell.

"I like what I hear about you kid. Don't let my daughter down, else I will be _very_ displeased."

"Understood. I'll do my best sir."

Ace-nii looked like he was about to protest. Before he could, a great booming noise echoed through the warehouse. Our entire crew instinctively drew together behind Dad, as from behind the opposing wall came an aura of great strength. It felt like being stalked by a hungry avalanche, or a predatory volcano. Ace actually trembled; he picked up Luffy and dove under a bed.

"My D senses are tingling! Shitty Gramps alert!"

I reacted instantly, folding myself into Dad's cloak. Behind me I heard Sabo leap into a barrel. We were just in time. As the four of us scurried to our hiding places, the wall burst inwards.

"Bwahahahaha! Ace! Sabo! Luffy! Bluejay! Come out you little rascals! I know you're here!"

Dad rested a hand on my head, steadying my shaking. "Hello Father."

"Eh? Dragon? What're you doing here?"

"Checking up on my children after their latest battle. Isn't that what _good_ fathers do- rather than clubbing four-year-olds over the head?"

"You can't still be hung up on that! I did that so you would become a strong marine! Not that it worked…"

"It's not me I'm angry for right now. What on all the Blues made you think it was a good idea to have Luffy fight baboons when he was five? To teach Ace to swim by pushing him off a cliff into the sea? To tie Sabo to balloons and let him fly away? To cover Bluejay in honey and leave her near a bear den? What kind of grandfather tries to make four children with PTSD learn to fight fires with nothing but buckets?"

I heard Sanji whispering to someone in awe. "Suddenly their endless will to live makes sense."

"And their lack of fear of flying," Ghin agreed.

"Again, I was jut trying to make them into strong marines. What kinda marines are scared of a little fire?"

Dad's cloak made me feel safe. I peered out from between the folds just in time to see Gramps drag my brothers out of their hiding places. Nii-chan appeared to have been scared awake by the familiar presence.

"Where's the fourth one? It's easier to talk to them all together." Gramps spotted me and reached to snatch me from Dad's side. He failed. Dad blocked with one hand, somehow yanking my brothers free with the same motion.

"Just face it Father- it's too late. Look at the little family they're building. They'll never abandon this to become marines."

"I'm gonna be king of the pirates!" Nii-chan supplied helpfully from under Dad's arm.

"No! You're all gonna become fine marines! Fist of Love!" Pain exploded through my skull. Judging by the lumps on their heads, my brothers felt the same way. As did Dad? A tattooed brow creased as my father reached over to return the favour to Grandpa.

"Enough! I'm too old for you to still be treating me like this! And we don't need you damaging Sabo and Bluejay's brains!"

"Glad to know Lu and I mean so much to you," Ace-nii grumbled.

"I love you all equally Ace, you know I do. But I'm afraid when it comes to matters of intelligence, it's a little too late to save you and Luffy."

"It's not that I _can't_ do it," my eldest brother pouted. "I just didn't _care_ until I was trying to fight _steam_ with _fire_."

Gramps glared and pouted too. "Fine. Be that way. If my own grandkids won't love me, I'll just go hang out with my new apprentices. _They_ appreciate me."

That was… unexpected. Gramps didn't usually give up that easily. Then I heard three voices that were possibly even more unexpected.

"Sary?"

"Sora?"

"Ack! Straw Hats!"

Coming through the hole Gramps had made were three blonds- two young men and a young woman. One was immediately recognizable by his platinum-shaded hair and crooked finger. I remembered breaking that finger- Helmeppo. I sort-of recognized the other two… Especially the young woman dressed in shifting furs and leathers.

Hazel-grey eyes met mine. The young woman looked at Sora, then back at me. "Sary… Is that…?"

My cousin grinned. "Yep. Exactly who you think it is."

The young man behind Gramps took two steps forwards. "Kay-Kay?" His female companion held out an arm to hold him back.

"No Camy… It's been ten years; she probably doesn't remember us."

Oh, it wasn't… It _was_. I bolted out from Dad's cloak to kick the young man- no, the cousin who'd always tormented me- in the crotch. He crumpled, wheezing. "I think she remembers me just fine…"

Helmeppo drew two kukri and charged with a yell. I guess he saw me greeting Camy as an assault on a marine officer. Zoro easily blocked both blades with one sword as he knocked the blond's feet from under him with another. Unfortunately the young marine wasn't the only one upset by my reaction to my cousin. Ever protective, Ace-nii lunged at Camy, obviously assuming he'd harmed me in some way. My eldest brother was stopped by a great black wolf that suddenly separated from the furs my female cousin- Brandy- was wearing.

Oh. Those weren't furs; they were live animals. I saw a snake, a weasel, a falcon… Brandy must've gotten some animal-related Devil Fruit when she came to this world. My cousin glared at my brother.

"Back off Fire Fist. This is a _family_ matter." Leaving the wolf to guard Ace, Brandy stalked over to slap Sora. "You idiot! How could you let Kay-Kay become a pirate? Does our family's honour mean _nothing_ to you?"

Sora rubbed his cheek. "I think you're confusing honour and tradition. And I didn't _let_ her- we only met a few months ago. Kay-Kay was _already_ a pirate; I joined the crew to keep an eye on her."

"Great-Grandpa would be so disappointed."

Ignored, Ace-nii pouted. "I am _so_ part of the family. Blue's our little sister."

"Well, Great-Grandpa isn't here right now, is he? I had to use my judgement. And the Straw Hats aren't _bad_ pirates- Ace, Sabo, and Luffy adopted Kay-Kay and looked after her for the last ten years."

"Your judgement sucks!" Brandy snapped. "Verdammt ficken… We're a _military_ family Dummkopf! There's nothing in die preußische Tugenden about becoming pirates!"

"No, but there's stuff about thinking for yourself and not obeying orders you know are wrong. It's close enough!" Sora looked the most intimidating I'd ever seen him as he turned the argument around, glaring down at Brandy. "And how'd this happen? I _know_ you got here recently; if you'd arrived before I joined the crew, you would've come after me ages ago for getting a bounty. So you get to a new world and the first thing you do is join the marines?!"

"It was free bed and food! What else would we do?"

Still lying by my feet, Camy groaned. His hands covered his family jewels protectively. "Yep, still in pain here, thanks for asking."

"Shut up you big baby." Brandy rolled her eyes and approached me, one hand digging something out of what could be either a pocket or a wallaby's pouch. Eventually she pulled something out and shoved it into my hands; she looked like she was trying hard not to cry. "Here Kay-Kay… I held onto this- thought you might want her when we found you…"

Matted polyester fur met my fingers. I didn't even have to look to know what it was. A rattling head, chipped glass eyes, ears so faded that the black fabric looked blue… I hugged Tilt tightly.

Nii-chan bounced over and wrapped himself around me possessively. "Ne, Blue, these more cousins?"

"Yep. Brandy'n Camy."

"Cool! Join my crew!"

"No." Brandy slapped Luffy with a snake. My brother's head spun around three times before snapping back. He pouted.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a marine! Which is what Kay-Kay and Sora _should_ be- our family's been in one military or another for over a thousand years!"

Gramps clapped my female cousin on the shoulder. "See Luffy? This's what I've been trying to teach you- have a little pride in your heritage!"

Dad frowned. "By that logic Luffy should be a revolutionary and Ace should be king of the pirates. Or are you encouraging Sabo to go back to the slimeballs who birthed him?"

"Bah, you always were impossible to argue with…" Gramps grumbled and hit Dad over the head. Dad hit him right back.

Suddenly Ace-nii and Sabo-nii both stiffened. My eldest brother scowled at nothing. "Do you feel that?"

Sabo nodded. "Yes. Something's coming."

Conis looked curious. "Is this those D senses you mentioned again? How do they work?"

"Not D senses." Ace-nii shook his head. "These ones are big brother senses. Lu or Blue's gonna be in trouble."

"Probably both," Sabo-nii added. "It's usually both."

Dad cocked his head in confusion. "Unusual… A specialized form of Kenbunshoku Haki maybe? I can certainly sense someone strong enough to be a _possible_ threat… How can you two be so sure?"

"It's Lu and Blue. If trouble doesn't find them, they make their own."

By the time the apparent threat arrived Straw Hats, revolutionaries, and marines had formed a temporary truce. Apparently Gramps could sense someone coming too. He came through the same hole Garp had made: a huge, tanned man with bad teeth and tangled black hair.

 **SORA**

He reached up reflexively to touch the scar on his neck. "That's him!" the zoan user blurted out before the stranger could say anything. "That's the pirate who attacked Drum!"

Luffy picked his nose. "Ne, Sora, that's the pie-guy from Mock Town."

"Actually," Coby put in, "I'm pretty sure that's the Blackbeard guy Marco-san warned me about."

The stranger sweatdropped. "Um… All three're true." His dramatic entrance was successfully ruined.

Luffy stretched over to bonk Sora over the head. The zoan user winced and rubbed his newest injury. "What was that for?"

"Why didn't you tell me in Mock Town? I wouldna been so nice to him if I'd known he'd hurt you."

"Sorry…" Sora cringed sheepishly. "I wasn't really paying attention at the time- was too focused on Bellamy. You really scared me with the whole 'don't fight him' thing. Plus it was dark and smoky in that bar- couldn't see well."

"Okay! I forgive you!" Sora sweatdropped at his captain's simple acceptance.

Crossing his arms, Zoro stepped forwards. "What do you want Blackbeard?"

"Well, I _was_ here to capture you Straw Hats and hand you over to the marines to earn the title of Shichibukai, but it looks like someone beat me to it."

As different as Garp and Dragon were, the pair suddenly seemed identical. Sora was terrified, though he refused to show it. _Alpha-family-protect-intruder-_ _ **rage**_. Two sets of brown eyes flashed as the men stood; the same pressure as when Ace and Luffy were angry filled the air.

"As if I'd let you touch my adorable grandkids!"

"You _will_ keep your hands off my children."

"Zehahaha! And what makes you think you can stop me? The old man couldn't. Black Hole!"

Darkness welled up around Blackbeard and began pulling things in. Garp stepped in front of the Straw Hats, fists suddenly shining as black as obsidian. The silly old man was now deadly serious. Sora was reminded of Luffy when the rubber captain had demolished Bellamy.

"New lesson Ace: overconfident logias never last." The old marine waded through the shadows unharmed. Sora wished he knew how Garp was keeping them from pulling at him. Blackbeard grew slowly more anxious as the eldest Monkey advanced. By the time he thought to flee though, it was too late. A great fist slammed into the darkness man.

Blackbeard crumpled, moaning in pain. After seeing so many of Garp's blows thrown around as the family argued, Sora came to the conclusion that either Blackbeard had no pain tolerance, or- much as he didn't want to think that about his baby cousin- all the Monkeys were inhuman monsters. Or maybe both.

"Blackbeard- otherwise known as Marshall D Teach." Sora stared. When had Dragon over there? He'd been sitting with Koala and Hack! "No bounty as of yet. You've been laying low, hiding behind Whitebeard's name. But you can't hide from _me_ deserter."

A strong wind blew around Dragon, flaring his cloak and hiding what he did to Blackbeard. By the time Sora could see Teach again, the darkness man was a bloody mess. Dragon bent down and clipped kairoseki handcuffs around Blackbeard's wrists. Off to one side, Ace checked his leg pouch with a look of wonder on his face.

"Hack, call headquarters. Tell them to have the kairoseki cell ready. I want to question this one _personally_."

"I can't let you do that Dragon." Garp cracked his knuckles. "This one's a pirate; I've gotta take him to Impel Down."

Dragon raised an eyebrow. "Does this mean you want to bring the kids in as well?"

"No…" Garp looked off to one side guiltily. One of his men- a tall one in a brown suit and fedora- cleared his throat.

"Sir… You _could_ tell Sengoku that the Straw Hats escaped in the chaos of Blackbeard's attack."

"Bwahahahaha! Thanks Boggart!"

Zoro sweatdropped. "Okay… I get how the G8 guys were so suspicious of me now. I don't look anything like him."

To Sora's terror, Garp turned back to Dragon; the pair proceeded to bicker about who got custody of Blackbeard. Their disagreement enlarged the hole through which Garp had entered the warehouse significantly. Several marines passed out. Eventually, when both Monkeys were bruised and panting, Dragon relented.

"Fine. You can have him- but I want a copy of the interrogation report."

"And how do you expect me to do that? You never gave me your snail number, Brat!" Garp thumped Dragon one more time.

"Give it to the kids." The most wanted man in the world rubbed his head. "They can snail it to me."

"Okay." Garp picked his nose. "I guess I'll see you later then. Goodbye Fist of Love!"

Pain exploded through Sora's skull. What?! The zoan user clutched his throbbing head. Around him, he could see other Straw Hats doing the same. Garp had somehow managed to hit the entire crew with one punch. The old man picked up Blackbeard over one shoulder and whistled as he walked away. His men went with him.

"Take care of Kay-Kay," Brandy ordered as she dragged Camy out. Sora chuckled and glanced at Ace and Sabo.

"I don't think that'll be a problem."

With the marines gone, everyone relaxed. Then, much to Sora's amusement, Dragon sat down and pulled Luffy and Bluejay onto his lap. The revolutionary motioned for the Straw Hats to gather around. Once they had, Dragon made a point of running his fingers over his youngest children's tattoos.

"You all have these, yes? Not all the same, but everyone has a tattoo involving your Jolly Roger?"

"I don't yet," Robin admitted. Ghin frowned.

"You expected to leave us," the tattoo artist said. "Bon-chan, Llama, and Conis all have theirs already, but _you_ never came to me."

"Yes, I did expect that I might have to leave at some point." Robin inclined her head. "If you don't mind though, I'd like to talk to you tomorrow about possible designs."

"Good."

"Yay!" Chopper ran to hug Robin's leg.

Dragon nodded. "Good. My agreement with Whitebeard involves those tattoos, so make sure any new crew mates from now on get one promptly."

"You talked to Whitebeard?" Ace asked with a frown. Dragon nodded.

"Of course. I got an apology from him too, on behalf of his son who hurt Bluejay. Now, quiet down and let me tell my story."

 **Dragon**

 _A few members of the Second Division jumped as the most wanted man in the world appeared on the rail. Dragon stepped down and crossed the deck with brisk paces, stopping in front of Whitebeard's chair. The giant man stared down at him with amusement._

 _"Gurarararara! Haven't seen you in a while Brat!"_

 _"Yes, well, the thing that I asked you about seventeen years ago turned out better left in my father's hands in the end."_

 _Whitebeard frowned. "And what is_ that _supposed to mean?"_

 _Dragon did a quick count on his fingers- not that anyone could see that, hidden as his hands were within his cloak. "That I now have… Seventeen children, rather than one."_

 _The old pirate smiled. "I knew there was a reason I liked you Brat. Just think then- if I get them to join my crew, we'll be family."_

 _"As much as I admire the bravery of anyone who'd also willingly claim relation to Garp, that will never happen." Dragon smirked. "Luffy's going to be king of the pirates; he can't do that sailing under another man. That_ is _what I'm here about though. I'm not sure if it was a recruitment attempt gone wrong or some other reason, but one of your boys had and… altercation with my second youngest."_

 _"What happened?"_

 _"Your Fourth Division commander, Windcutter Thatch, had a fight with one of my daughters and scarred her face. From the picture I was sent it looks like he almost took out her left eye. Needless to say, her siblings and I are_ not pleased _."_

 _Whitebeard looked grim. "Thatch_ knows _I don't approve of attacks on young women. Is she alright?"_

 _"Oh, from what I gather Bluejay's over the moon. Thinks it makes her match her brothers- a few of them have facial scars. And knowing her, she may have started the fight. I still place the blame on Thatch though; he's significantly more skilled than my_ fourteen-year-old _daughter and should have had better control."_

 _"Indeed." Whitebeard chuckled. "This explains a rather odd report Thatch and Marco sent a while back: apparently they encountered a feisty child who claimed to be unable to feel pain. Thatch had to break her leg to get her to stand down."_

 _Dragon blinked, then frowned. "No one told me that. I'm surprised; Ace should've been more concerned about_ that _than about his sister dating."_

 _"So…" Whitebeard took a swig of sake, ignoring a glare from one of his nurses. "I take it you're here with a proposal of some sort? Or are you just after an apology? Thatch isn't here right now I'm afraid."_

 _"An apology would be nice, but I'm more concerned with making sure it doesn't happen again. My children aren't ready to stand up to repeated losses of control from yours-_ yet _."_

 _"Gurarararara! Your kids are certainly interesting; I look forward to seeing what they do in the future. So Brat, what do you propose?"_

 _Dragon drew a quick sketch of the Straw Hat Jolly Roger. "This. As far as I know, all of my children have tattoos with some variation of this symbol. Tell your boys to go easy on anyone wearing it, as much as they can. I know some of mine are little troublemakers, so it might be difficult, but…"_

 _"And what's in it for me?" Whitebeard asked, eyes dancing._

 _"Well, I may have some intel on Kaido the Beast that you and your boys would find useful."_

 _Whitebeard waved a hand dismissively. "I don't care about that; we can deal with Kaido."_

 _"Then what would you have in mind?"_

 _Leaning forwards, the old pirate smiled. "You know there's always room in my family for more…"_

 _Sighing, Dragon rubbed his head. This was why he avoided dealing with Whitebeard whenever possible. "You know I won't join your crew, and you know why. Why even bother asking?"_

 _"I'm not asking you to join my crew; I'm asking you to join my_ family _. What you're doing is important, I know that. But that doesn't mean you have to do it alone."_

 _"So… Your price for having your boys go easy on my kids… Is being involved with the Revolution and me calling you Father? That's an unusual thing to ask. What exactly are you getting out of it? All these things seem to be to_ my _benefit."_

 _"What do you mean, what do I get out of it? Even if you're not always with me, I gain another son. Not to mention seventeen adorable grandchildren." Whitebeard beamed, a soft look coming over his wrinkled face. Dragon laughed. Of course that would be the old man's logic. Why was he so surprised?_

 **LLAMA**

"Wait…" Ghin looked stunned. "You told _Whitebeard_ \- the strongest pirate on the seas- that we were _all_ your children? And he claimed us all as his grandkids?"

"Yes."

"You know Bon-chan and I are only a few years younger than you, right? If that?"

"So?" Dragon picked his nose absently, flicking the booger out the hole in the warehouse wall. "I'm sure Newgate has a few sons like that. As far as I'm concerned, being on this crew makes you either my niece or nephew, son or daughter. Take your pick."

"You're as bad as Gramps," Ace muttered. Llama giggled. She liked this new father-figure; Dragon was funny.

Hack shook his head. "I'd like to be surprised Boss, but I've seen you with that herd of den-den mushi you keep. It was only a matter of time."

"Speaking of my den-den mushi…" Dragon stood as h spoke, passing Luffy and Bluejay off to Ace and Sabo. "We really should be getting back. I need to call Ivankov, and you two have a new class to start training."

"Aye sir." Hack fell in beside Dragon immediately. Koala sighed and gave Sabo a final squeeze, slipping a piece of paper into one of his pockets.

"Call me sometime. You still owe me that soda."

Llama giggled as Sabo flushed. She could see Ace quietly fuming as the revolutionaries left. Poor firecracker; he still couldn't deal with his siblings dating. At least Koala would be far enough away that she wouldn't be a target of any grumpy Hikens.

 **xXx**

Over the next few days Llama was able to make a good many new bombs as they waited for Franky to build their ship. As much as she needed them though, something felt wrong. Normally she would've been competing with Usopp as he experimented with new ammunition. Now she had all the volatile chemicals to herself. It felt… empty.

Bon-chan went out every day in disguise to check o the shipwright's progress- although the marine presence in the area was quickly growing less. Soon it was safe for crew members who couldn't shift shapes to run errands through Water Seven. Sanji came back one day with a great sack of unusually delicious salt; Zoro returned the next with a frown on his face and applesauce behind one ear. Llama wondered who he'd been babysitting and why he didn't want the rest of the crew to know.

Eventually Llama went out on her own. She needed more sulphur; she'd had an idea the night before for a stink bomb that would work wonders. Most chemical shops kicked her out with a laugh though. She was only fourteen after all; adults often didn't take her seriously.

A bell tinkled as Llama entered the last shop she'd found, a tiny alchemist's lab between two towering factories. She glanced hesitantly at the little old man behind the counter. He didn't appear to see her, too focused on the chemicals he was mixing. Llama sniffed; her eyes went wide.

"Stop! If you put too much-!"

Boom! The beaker exploded before the tiny pirate could finish her warning. Blinking soot out of his face, the old man looked over. "Oh. Hello. Can I help you?"

"Thought so. Now I'm not so sure."

The alchemist cleared his throat and cleaned his glasses. "Don't be so sullen little one. You'll never learn anything if you don't try."

"I know that. I also know that you shouldn't let alkali metals come into contact with a water-based solution while you're holding it."

"True enough. I was hoping that some of the other things in the solution would mitigate that- I'm trying to find a way to transport volatile metals overseas more safely."

"Oh. Makes sense I guess." There _was_ a lot of water in this world.

"Anyway dear, what can I do for you?"

"Sulphur. I need some raw sulphur, both colours of phosphorus, aluminum, iron filings, and maybe some peat moss and coal if you have them."

"Those are all easy enough." The alchemist began grabbing various containers and placing them on the counter. "Anything else?"

Llama thought for a moment. This man seemed to have a number of things she hadn't seen anyone else carrying. "Do you have methane gas in bottles? Or propane? And _have_ you come up with a way to safely transport alkali metals?" After all, the more unusual her bombs, the more effective she would be.

The alchemist's eyes twinkled. "Yes, it just so happens that I have all those things available- although sodium is the only alkali metal I've had any luck with so far. They're not requests I get very often though; you're an unusual one."

"My whole family is." Llama smiled into her scarf.

"Doubly unusual." The alchemist's eyes went from twinkling to dancing. "I thought Whitebeard's daughters were usually nurses, not saboteurs."

"Whitebeard?" Llama cocked her head to one side. That was the pirate Dragon had made a deal with. "I'm not _his_ daughter."

"Really? I've never heard a pirate who wasn't one of his refer to their crew as their family before."

The tiny demolitions expert snorted, affronted. "Well, _we_ do." She rolled up her sleeve, showing a Straw Hat tattoo with a book balanced on its hat and a purple scarf wound around its lower jaw.

Dark eyes widened briefly. "Oh. Wait just a moment love; I've got something special I think you'll enjoy." The alchemist ran to the back room.

When he returned he was holding a heavy, well-worn book with a black leather binding. Flaky silver letters proclaimed it as _Chemistry and Alchemy of the Ancient World_ by Hermé Trois. The alchemist stroked the book's spine lovingly before placing the tome next to Llama's purchases.

"This is free- for the crew mate of my captain's heir. There's just one thing I'd like you to do for me in return."

"What?" Llama eyed the book with glee. She and Usopp would have so much fun with it if it was what she thought it was… Except Usopp wasn't around…

"When your crew gets to Sabaody in a little while, find Rayleigh and tell him Arche the Boomstick says hi." The alchemist winked.

Llama frowned. "Wait… Arche? You're a _girl_?"

"Sahahahaha! Yep! Gets 'em every time!"

 **BLUEJAY**

One of Franky's men had just come to tell us our ship would be ready the next morning. Nii-chan bounced around excitedly, hugging everyone and babbling about what he hoped would happen on our next adventure. Finally getting a musician seemed to be at the top of the list. Then suddenly my rubber brother settled down and tugged on Sabo-nii's sleeve.

"Ne, Sabo? Usopp's still around right? Everyone said _he_ was Sogeking- I don't get it, but if everyone said so, it must be true!"

My blond brother shrugged. "I don't know Lu. He might still be around- I thought I heard him under the window yesterday when I was playing Connect the Freckles, but I'm not sure."

Ace-nii glared; Luffy pouted and crossed his arms. "Well, someone go look then."

"What?" Our whole crew was taken aback.

"If Usopp was Sogeking, it means he still wants to be one of us. So someone needs to go tell him to come back."

Sora nodded and spread his wings while Nii-chan marched towards the door. Zoro stepped in front of them with a scowl. Our first mate had his arms folded and his teeth clenched; his back was ramrod straight.

"No," the swordsman ground out.

Nii-chan glared. "Zoro, move. We've gotta go get Usopp back."

Zoro's scowl deepened. "I know he's your friend- our friend- but I can't let you do that. Is it really so easy to leave and rejoin this crew? Usopp undermined your authority, and following his desires would have endangered our family."

A shadow fell over our first mate's face as he continued. He uncrossed his arms, resting one hand on the hilt of _Wado Ichimonji_. "Don't get me wrong- I'd like Usopp to come back too. But if you let him rejoin the crew without so much as an apology, _I'll_ be the next one to leave."

Nii-chan looked stunned. His shock worsened when Sabo-nii moved to join Zoro. "He's right Lu. You can't expect the crew to respect you if you don't stand strong on your decisions. There is- unfortunately- more to being the captain than being well-liked and a decent fighter."

Ghin stepped up beside Nii-chan wit a frown. "Don Luffy's a better captain than any other I've seen. If he wants to bring Usopp back, we should bring Usopp back."

Ace-nii nodded, also lending his voice. And his glare, as he reminded Sabo-nii of something important. "None of us have ever apologized to each other, and we've done loads worse to Lu than Usopp has. Does that mean he should kick _us_ off the crew?"

Luffy looked at me, eyes pleading. Unfortunately I couldn't take his side. I walked over to Sabo and Zoro. "Ace-nii, you apologized more than enough with your actions. Sabo-nii's right; Nii-chan's a good leader, but he still has stuff to learn. _Dad_ wouldn't let Usopp return without an apology."

The warehouse air felt charged with electricity. A long, awkward silence filled the room. It was Ace who finally broke the stand-off. "Sabo… Blue… Where would you go?"

"Dad would take us." Sabo-nii nodded to himself. "It's… We might not be _quite_ as free to move around, but we'd still get to travel and fight. I could still write my book, Zoro could still become the world's greatest swordsman, Blue could still try to figure out her curse."

My black-haired brothers deflated. Nii-chan stared at the floor. "You're… You're right. I shouldn't… Dad said I was right when I fought Usopp… I hope he apologizes though. He needs to come back."

A wave of relief rolled down my back. I'd been terrified for a moment that our family would split in two. I ran over and hugged my rubber brother. "Let's go see our new ship," I whispered.

"Shishishi! Yosh! Let's go!"

We made our way to the scrap island through a set of winding back alleys. When we got there, Iceberg and Franky were arguing. The mayor of Water Seven looked different, with a green bandanna covering his hair and sturdy brown clothes instead of his pinstripe suit. It suited him.

"Not cool Icecube! It's totally supposed to be a lion!"

"Only you would think that Flunky! That's clearly a sunflower!"

"It's awesome is what it is!" Nii-chan's eyes became stars. He made to run towards the ship, only for Franky to stop him with one huge hand.

"Not yet bro. She won't be ready for another few hours. I've got some stuff to finish up that Icecube can't help with."

The mayor made a face before turning to us. "Come with me if you don't mind Straw Hats. Kokoro, Paulie, Lulu, and Tilestone insisted on organizing a party for you as thanks for saving us from the fire."

"A party?" Nii-chan asked eagerly. "We haven't partied on this island yet. Getting Robin back and Sora not being dead… We need a party!"

Sabo-nii sulked as we followed Iceberg. He was disappointed that Koala hadn't stuck around for the celebration. Probably wanted to dance with her or something. The thought made me wish Koala was still with us. If he was focused on her, my blond brother couldn't come after me.

To avoid dancing, I hid in one corner of the party and played with Chimney and her rabbit. I would've jumped in the pool with all the other non-Devil Fruit users, but with my period still going… Not a good idea. Not far from Chimney and I, Paulie was studiously avoiding the pool- or more likely Nami and Kaya's bikinis- by engaging Ghin in a friendly arm-wrestle.

Several hours passed. I was on my way to grab some food when Luffy went flying past. He'd tried to steal some bacon-wrapped potatoes from Ace and gotten booted into the pool for his trouble. Faster even than Sabo, old lady Kokoro dove in after my rubber bother.

Her feet merged together as she entered the water, becoming a pair of fins attached to a colourful tail. Oh. She was a mermaid. That was cool. I shrugged and continued to the buffet table. To get there I had to step over Sanji, who'd fallen to his knees weeping. His face was white as a sheet. I wondered what was wrong with him.

As the party eventually wound down, I found myself wandering around in search of an outhouse. On my way back (again to the buffet table- there were some pork and apple skewers I wanted to try), I saw Nii-chan leaning on a wall some distance away from the main body of the party. That was odd. I walked over to my brother to see if he was alright. As I approached, I heard a voice from the other side of the wall.

"Thank you."

"Who was that?" I asked as Luffy pushed himself away from the wall. My brother grinned.

"Shishishi! It was Admiral Bluebird. He's happy that we made Robin want to live."

"And he won't try to arrest us?"

"Not this time. He's a good marine, like Smoky and Gramps. Plus he didn't like Spam-man and CP9 anyway."

 **xXx**

We got up early the next morning to move our stuff to our new ship. Iceberg was there to greet us, though Franky wasn't. The mayor held a sheaf of paper out towards us. "I didn't show you these yesterday because I didn't want you to worry, but you should probably know before you leave."

They were bounty posters. Nii-chan cheered as he grabbed them out of Iceberg's hands and spread them out for our whole crew to see. I grinned. The marines had finally gotten around to putting our full names on the things.

Straw Hat Monkey D Luffy 300,000,000

Fire Fist Monkey D Ace 200,000,000

Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro 120,000,000

Red Talons Monkey D Bluejay Jones 100,000,000

Blue Dragon Outlook-Monkey D Sabo 105,000,000

Pink Flash Coby 65,000,000

Cat Burglar Nami 16,000,000

Sogeking 30,000,000

Ghost Scorpion Kaya 15,000,000

Black Leg Sanji 77,000,000

Devil Man Ghin 75,000,000

Cotton Candy Lover Chopper 50

Rainbow Thief Sora Verne 11,000,000

Demon Child Nico Robin 80,000,000

Master of Disguise Bon-Clay Bentham 46,000,000

Stick Ninja Llama 40,000,000

Angel of Destruction Conis 15,000,000

Cyborg Franky 44,000,000

There were also a pile of bounty posters with pictures of several of the CP9 agents we'd beaten, like Lucci and Kaku. Each of them had a bounty of 105,000,000. Interesting. So some of them had survived the Buster Call. The bounties meant the government was mad at them for losing to us. Figures.

Snatching up his poster, Sabo-nii let out a whoop. "Yes! I finally got a bounty! Although I'm still only wanted alive…" His face fell as he noticed the differing words and gold border around his picture.

"Huh?" Sora looked up from staring sullenly at his unchanged bounty to look at Sabo's poster. My blond brother rolled his eyes and pointed.

"A blue border means the criminal's a deserter from the navy." Sabo-nii pointed at the borders on the CP9 posters. "A gold one like mine means a fallen noble."

"Why am I the only one with a shitty hand-drawn poster?" Sanji whined. I peered over his shoulder. Ouch- that _was_ a bad picture. It looked more like a fuzzy yellow pom-pom with a used cigarette glued to it than our cook. Zoro snickered.

"Shut it Marimo!" Sanji launched a kick at our first mate. Ghin blocked both the kick and Zoro's bladed retaliation with his tonfa, wincing at the impacts.

"Calm down ladies. You're both pretty." Our tattoo artist's words and actions stunned everyone, totally derailing the fight that was about to start. Ghin smirked as he shook out his arms. "Oh good, it worked."

Iceberg cleared his throat. "Straw Hat… I have a favour to ask of you, if you don't mind."

"Huh?" Nii-chan paused halfway through carrying some of Zoro's weights onto our new ship.

"I'd like you to take Franky with you." Iceberg fiddled with his tie and ran a hand through his hair. "He stayed in Water Seven to protect our master's memory, but he's not really happy here anymore. And with a bounty on his head it isn't safe for him either. So many marines come through… It would only be a matter of time before someone caught him and took him away."

Nii-chan beamed. "Of course! We've needed a shipwright forever! Not as much as a musician though…"

The mayor nodded. "Yes, with the state your previous ship was in you really _do_ need a shipwright. Now… I'm sure Franky would love to join you, but he'll be reluctant. You need to give him a way out that saves face."

There was a moment of silence as Luffy finished heaving weights aboard. Then he gifted us all with a brilliant, shit-eating grin. "Let's go get him then! Chopper… Grab his pants!"

"What?" Our doctor's eyes glazed over.

"Grab Franky's pants. He's only got the one pair, right? So if we hold them hostage, he has to join us! Just like Zoro's swords!"

Coby snickered; everyone who hadn't been there when we recruited Zoro looked confused. The swordsman folded his arms. "I don't wanna talk about it."

We scattered through the city, creating a convoluted chain leading back to our new ship. Nii-chan went with Chopper to provide a distraction while the reindeer snatched our target. I took up a position near a bakery, between Sabo-nii and Bon-chan. Everyone knew as soon as the game started; Franky's yell of outrage echoed over the entire city.

A few minutes later I felt black cloth in my left hand. I took off without looking at Sabo-nii, chased by a half-naked man with turquoise hair. Franky yelled at me as he ran, seemingly unashamed by his nudity.

"Oi! Red Talons! Gimme back my undies!"

"Nope." I grinned and scampered up a building. The cyborg followed.

"If you give them back, your super big bro Franky'll buy you a milkshake!"

Ooh, free food… No! I had to stay strong. New crew member was more important than milky, chocolatey goodness. Something blew up a few streets over as I shook my head. Ace-nii had heard.

"Blue, don't trust perverts who offer you candy!"

"I know; I'm not five!" I shot back. Behind me, Franky blushed.

"Aw, no need to flatter me Fire Fist!"

"I wasn't flattering, idiot! And if you touch my sister without your pants on, I'll fry your testicles!"

Seconds later I passed the speedo off to Bon-chan. Our okama immediately made a hard right and went back down to street level. I scrambled across the rooftops back to our ship to welcome our newest crew mate.

By the time Franky and pants arrived at our ship, our whole crew was almost aboard. Only Kaya remained, the last carrier of the speedo. Franky's men stood on the coast. Iceberg's men had warned them, so they were there to see their boss off. Many had tears in their eyes.

Kaya stopped just by the ladder and waved the cyborg's speedo teasingly. Franky crossed his arms and glared. "Alright guys, gimme my undies. This ain't funny no more."

"I'm sorry Franky-san, but I've been ordered not to do that unless you join our crew."

What followed was a tense stand-off. Kaya smiled sweetly; Franky glowered. Finally, the cyborg huffed and- turned away? "Fine, keep 'em. I can always buy a new pair."

Onshore, the Franky Family's jaws dropped. Kaya scowled. Beside me, Llama had her eyes covered and was rocking back and forth, muttering demands for someone to please get some pants on the pervert. Coby and Sora were bright red and trying hard to look anywhere but our future shipwright. My cousin actually tried to cover my eyes with his tail, but I batted it way. This was too important.

Robin sighed. "It's no use Nurse-chan. Robo-kun is a shameless pervert; walking to the store naked won't bother him in the slightest. We need to threaten something more valuable." Our archaeologist closed her eyes and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Dos Fleur: Clutch!"

Every male in sight winced- even Spade and Captain Snappy. Two girls from the Franky Family- sisters with square hair- gasped and covered their mouths. "She's crushing them like grapes!"

"Gah!" Franky fell to the ground and began crying and squirming. "Alright! Alright! I'll join your crew! You can stop already! Ow!"

Robin smiled. I looked down; she was no longer squeezing Franky, but the cyborg continued to squirm and cry, expressing how much he would miss his men in the only way he knew how. His gang were weeping openly. But at the same time they were smiling; their leader could finally head out to pursue his dream. Franky's men were a good bunch.

Nii-chan didn't seem to have noticed yet that Franky was faking. "Robin! Stop it! I want him to still be a man when he joins!"

Smiling, our archaeologist dropped her arms. Kaya handed Franky his speedo as he got to his feet, sterilizing her hands with alcohol immediately afterward. The cyborg shook his head.

"You're a whole crew of li'l monsters. Guess I'd better come along; if I don't, you'll sink my baby in a week. Just let me get my stuff."

"We already did that Boss!" The square-haired sisters ran up to our shipwright. One was carrying a huge duffel bag, the other a massive toolbox. Franky bit his lip.

"Are you guys sure you'll be alright without me?"

"Of course!" yelled a pudgy man who was trying to hide his tears behind cracked goggles. "Iceberg needs some more hands at Galley-La now, so he offered a bunch of us jobs. We'll be fine!"

"Alright then. Later bros! Call anytime to ask about our super adventures!" Franky struck a pose before climbing up the ladder behind Kaya. Somehow I got the feeling he'd be calling his men more often than they called him.

"So," our shipwright asked as he joined us on the soft grass of the deck, "What're you gonna name her? It's bad luck to sail an unnamed ship." Almost everyone on the crew immediately began throwing out suggestions.

"Boss Lionel!"

"Merry II!"

"Sun Lion!"

"Flower Power!"

"The Golden Beast!"

"The Great Shiny!"

"Simba's Rebellion!"

"Straw Lion!"

"Flower King!"

"The Royal Chariot!"

"Sun Force!"

"King of the Ocean!"

Nii-chan just kept shaking his head though. I agreed; as good as some of the suggestions were, none of them sounded _right_. A thoughtful silence fell over the ship. It was eventually broken by a groan from Nami.

"This's no good. We'll come up with a thousand names at this rate- we can't even agree if it's a sun or a lion!"

"Lion…" Franky murmured. No one paid him any mind.

Sabo-nii's eyes lit up. "A thousand names… Like our thousand dreams…"

He was immediately hit over the head by Ace-nii. "I thought you were supposed to be the smart one! There's not enough of us to have a thousand dreams!"

"It's called poetic license you uncultured pyromaniac ass! I was thinking of something for my book!"

Luffy started to bounce in place. "I like it! A thousand dreams, a thousand adventures, a lion like the sun! Sabo's a good poet!"

Silence fell again, but it didn't stay for long. We weren't sure who thought of the name first- as far as we could tell, we all said it at the same time. Franky looked impressed at our synchronicity.

" _Thousand Sunny_!"

"That's a super name guys!" The cyborg struck his pose.

Nii-chan nodded. Then his face fell. "I guess we'd better get going then," he said, looking longingly at the shore. The figure he was searching for wasn't there. Zoro placed a hand on my brother's shoulder; Luffy smiled up at him sadly.

Our first mate started calling out the instructions our captain couldn't voice. "Sora, Nami, you've got the helm! Sabo, Ace, open the mainsail! Ghin- foresail! Love-cook, pull up the anchor! Little Bird, open that topsail and get our flag in the air!"

I snapped a salute and scrambled into the rigging. The others followed suit- although Sanji's salute made extensive use of his middle finger. Soon all our canvas was full of wind, our Jolly Roger snapping proudly above as we sailed away from Water Seven.

When we were about two ship-lengths out, we heard a voice calling from the shore. Everyone stopped to listen; Nii-chan's face lit up like the sun.

"I'm sorry! I was scared and jealous and angry!" You could practically hear the snot and tears dripping down Usopp's face. "I didn't mean to put the crew in danger! It won't happen again! Please- Please, just give me one more chance!"

Luffy shot a pleading look at Zoro and Sabo. They both nodded. Grinning, my rubber brother flung his arm out as far as he could. Seconds later, Usopp and his pack flew aboard with a rubbery snap. Our sniper hugged Nii-chan tightly.

"Thank you! Thank you!"

"Shishishi! Welcome home Usopp!"

Kaya marched over as the pair stood. There was a loud smack as she slapped Usopp across the face. "That's for being an idiot and leaving!" Then she pulled him in for a passionate kiss. "That's for being man enough to admit you were wrong and coming back." Kaya smiled. Usopp blinked dazedly.

The _Thousand Sunny_ hadn't gotten much further when Coby shouted a warning from the stern. "Marines aft! I think it's Garp-san!"

My brothers and I looked at the bulldog figurehead. Yep, definitely Gramps. Nii-chan inflated like a bellows and yelled. "Oi Gramps! You said you were leaving to take Beard-Face to jail!"

Our grandfather answered with a megaphone. "I was! Unfortunately, Senny sent me back to get you too! Apparently you getting away cause I refuse to put my cute grandkids in the same hold as that creep is a bad excuse or something!"

Leaping off Ace's hat with a screech, Spade fluttered awkwardly through the air over to the marine ship. There was an indignant squawk- one that didn't come from the southbird- as my brother's pet dropped a fresh number two on Gramps' shoulder. If it were possible for a bird to look smug, Spade did. He barely made it back to the _Sunny_ , collapsing exhausted back onto Ace-nii's hat as our crew laughed.

Helmeppo and Camy- assisted by numerous rank-and-file marines- hauled two giant bins of cannonballs to Gramps. He immediately began throwing them at us. Franky glared.

"Oi! Not cool bro! You can't just wreck our super ship!" Our shipwright raced to Sora and pointed out a lever by the wheel (oh how happy my cousin looked to have a proper wheel now). "Rainbow-bro, flip that to zero!"

"Okay…" My cousin was confused, but did as he was told. Two giant paddlewheels emerged from the sides of the _Sunny_. Suddenly our ship responded to Sora's slightest touch of the wheel, easily dodging cannonballs. My cousin grinned. "Okay, that's cool."

"Sugoi!" Nii-chan's eyes turned to stars.

Seconds later a great shadow eclipsed the sky behind us. Gramps had gotten an absolutely enormous flail from somewhere- no way did that actually fit on his ship! Franky waved one hand.

"Don't worry bros, just-!"

"Everyone hang on!" Ace-nii interrupted, running to the stern. We all did as we were told- even our shocked and confused shipwright. A column of orange flames shot backwards and down, throwing the _Sunny_ into the air.

We landed with a splash several kilometers away. Ghin groaned; Franky pouted. "This ship can do that on her own Fire-bro."

Sabo-nii smiled. "Oh good. That means we don't have to worry about our rocket splitting the keel again."

Ghin pressed his jar of dirt against his forehead. "I'm not sure whether to be glad we have a ship designed to take the abuse, or terrified of what it'll encourage you kids to come up with."

Nami bounded over and hit Ace-nii over the head. "Idiot! I haven't had a chance to properly secure my trees yet! What if you've knocked some over?"

"Well _excuse me_ for not wanting to get arrested by my own fucking grandfather!"

Our navigator sighed. "You'd better hope they're all okay… Bon-chan, help me check for damage."

"Of course Tangerine."

The pair had only been in the orchard for a few moments when the rest of us heard Bon-chan's gasp and Nami's enraged yell. "When the Hell did that get there?!"

"I'd guess Skypeia Tangerine. You haven't checked them or picked any since then."

Stomping out of her trees, Nami shoved a large, sinister looking fruit at Sabo-nii. "Here. That lightning asshole you killed left you a present in _my_ mikan."

My blond brother stared at the Goro-Goro no Mi. Then… "I don't want it. Enel was an asshole. Besides- I'm our best swimmer. Who else will pull Lu out every few hours?"

As if on cue, Nii-chan tripped over the rail in the process of counting the _Sunny_ 's cannon. Sabo-nii passed the fruit off to Ghin before running and jumping into the sea. Our tattoo artist eyed the Devil Fruit suspiciously.

"Anyone want it?"

There was a negative chorus. Many of us had various reasons not to want a fruit- and for those of us who _were_ willing to eat one, Enel's fruit was still out on account of him being an asshole. Of course, we were also unwilling to toss or sell a power like that in case it made its way into the hands of an enemy...

In the middle of our discussion of what to do with the Goro-Goro no Mi, we heard a bang from below decks. We had a stowaway.

"Hide the fruit!" cried a sopping Luffy from Sabo's arms. Ghin did so in the nearest viable spot- his jar of dirt.

We made our way down into the hold as one, presenting a unified- if not necessarily intimidating- front. As soon as Franky turned the lights on, our whole crew started laughing. Sitting on the floor, trying to untangle himself from a coiled line, was a familiar square-nosed figure. When he looked up at us, all the colour drained from Kaku's face.

"Applesauce. I didn't know this was _your_ ship. Guess that explains why I couldn't find the others."

Smiling sweetly, Kaya stepped forwards and jammed a needle into the agent's neck as he tried to stand up. He collapsed, limp as a boiled noodle. Ace-nii handed our nurse a pair of kairoseki handcuffs from his leg pouch (How many of those had he stolen from Ennies Lobby anyway?); she nodded her thanks as she restrained the giraffe zoan.

"Franky-san, may I ask where the brig is located?"

"Brig? I didn't have room to build one of those. Figured the aquarium was more important."


	26. BSL Halloween Special

**Bluejay: Welcome to the OPTPRPBP Halloween Special! Not based on** _ **The Secret Island**_ **, for anyone who was worried- although that comes before Water Seven anyway. I've never seen that movie, and it's hard to do an arc that not all of us have seen.**

 **Tetsik: Don't trust anyone in a clown costume!**

 **Bluejay: Unless their name is Donquixote Rocinante!**

 **Llama: So spoopy…**

The island on the horizon was clearly an autumn island, judging by the leafless trees and abundance of pumpkins. Fitting enough, as it was October 31st. Sanji leaned on the rail beside me as we approached the island. "You up for pumpkin pie tonight Blue-chan?"

"Always." I stared at the shore with a grin. "Looks like a good place for a Halloween bash- think we can get everyone to dress up?"

"I don't think everyone has costumes Blue-chan."

Shrugging, I gestured towards a village I could smell further inland. Or at least, I thought it was a village. Smelled pretty strongly of chimney smoke and animals at least. "I'm sure we can buy something."

We made landfall about an hour later. Nami was all set to draw straws to see who would watch Kaku, but Nii-chan stomped and shook his head. When our crew looked askance at him, my brother scowled and folded his arms. "It's Halloween; we gotta go _together_. Just bring Kaku with us; we can leave the manacles as part of his costume."

Everyone shrugged. Ace-nii went to remove our prisoner from the laundry room where we were keeping him. The giraffe zoan squawked as he was dragged on deck. Poor Kaku; if he'd wandered onto any ship other than ours, he would've been safe. I wondered how he'd ended up on the _Thousand Sunny_ anyway. Was his sense of direction as bad as Zoro's, that he'd been trying to go somewhere else? But that didn't make sense for a secret agent…

Nami was unwilling to shell out an allowance to buy costumes- understandable, since our treasury was pretty empty after purchasing a new ship. So we improvised. We swapped clothes, dyed some old things, quickly stitched patches… It would maybe have been easier to just go as pirates, but that wouldn't have been any fun.

I was a tiger, my fur suit from Little Garden freshly brushed. Nii-chan put on his Garp costume from G8. Coby dressed up as a marine too- luckily we'd kept all our old disguises. Sabo-nii reluctantly wore his gown after much nagging from Bon-chan about how he would make a wonderful princess. Ace-nii was a candle, his hair real fire. A bunch of old bandages turned Zoro into a mummy. Nami, Kaya, and Robin wore matching dresses and hats as a coven of witches. Careful application of dyes and doodles made Usopp look like Disney's _Pinocchio_ \- not that he knew who that was. Ghin made a wonderful werewolf, while Sanji was an elegant vampire. Chopper just put on a fluffy pink sweater so he looked like a teddy bear. Sora wanted to be a dragon, but we shot him down. Powers don't count as your whole costume. He dressed up as a devil instead. Bon-chan had a few of his old Baroque Works things that he used to become a swan. Llama wore a stereotypical ninja costume, and Conis had managed to scrounge together a cowboy outfit. Finally, Franky was a towering knight with Kaku as his prisoner of war.

As we approached the village the island looked less and less welcoming. Up close, the bare trees looked like grasping hands reaching out desperately from shallow graves. Worn tombstones were scattered throughout the forest, evidence of an ancient graveyard. The pumpkins that had seemed so welcoming from the sea were now large and sinister, blotches and bruises on their sides appearing like faces wearing shit-eating grins. Above us, the sky grew dark as a brisk autumn storm blew in.

The village itself was just as dreary, with wilted ivy climbing pitted baroque architecture. Every house had at least one tombstone in the yard. This made Robin raise her eyebrows.

"What an interesting cultural practice. I wonder how it started. Perhaps as a way to keep one's ancestors close…"

"There might be some time to study it later," Conis offered. "I'm pretty sure we'll have time to go to the local library. _I_ 'm interested in whether living in a place that seems so morbid to us has a significant effect on their mental wellbeing."

Despite the dreary atmosphere, the center of town was very lively. The people were generally tall, thin, and pale, but also very loud. They were dancing and singing as they decorated the town square. The large, creepy pumpkins were everywhere, as were lanterns, cobwebs, and fake ghosts. I grabbed Luffy's hand to keep from getting lost in the press of bodies; my brother grinned and grabbed Zoro with his other hand.

 _This is Halloween, this is Halloween,_

 _Pumpkins scream in the dead of night!_

A man even taller and paler than the rest of the population approached our crew, a large white dog bounding at his heels. He looked surprised- but pleased- to see us. "Welcome visitors! Forgive us for not greeting you at the harbour- we don't usually expect travellers this time of year."

"Hi!" Nii-chan bounced eagerly. "You getting ready for a Halloween party?"

"Of course! Here in Skellingtown we're famous for our annual Halloween Ball! Or at least, we used to be…" The man sighed. "Truth is, we haven't gotten many tourists in almost a century. It's hard to maintain our pride after that."

"That's so sad!" Luffy pouted. "Ne, we'll party with you Skelly-man!"

"Heheho, that's very kind of you." The towering man smiled wanly and held out his hand. "I'm Mayor Jack."

My brother shook Jack's hand eagerly. "I'm Monkey D Luffy! We're the Straw Hat Pirates!"

With that, we were roped into helping finish decorate. I ended up with the town doctor, Stein Frank, setting up fake skeletons on some of the town's many tombstones. They were very realistic.

"Do you make these?" I asked, impressed. Doctor Frank nodded.

"We don't actually get many illnesses or injuries around here, so manufacturing skeleton and cadaver decorations is part of how local doctors have learned and kept in practice for generations."

"Cool. Do you do all the gore makeup people are wearing too?"

"No, that's my wife. She's the local hairdresser."

 **SORA**

He and Ace were helping string lights through the creepy finger trees. The rainbow serpent found this good as control practice- he did a lot of hovering and fine maneuvers that taxed his coordination. Sora also got a lot of practice dodging as hordes of bats swarmed about catching insects attracted to the lights.

Once they were done, the zoan user fluttered down to land heavily beside his crew mate. His wings ached from all the fine maneuvering. "Ow…"

"Suck it up Buttercup," Ace snorted good-naturedly. Sora groaned.

"You sound like Zoro. Or Brandy. Remind me again why all my cousins are crazy?"

Ace opened his mouth, then closed it again. He paused thoughtfully before speaking. "Okay, I get where you're coming from for me, Lu, Blue, and Sabo, but what about those marines? The one guy seemed more pathetic than anything else."

"Brandy's a jungle monkey as bad as the four of you, whose schtick was _Doctor Doolittle_ even before she got whatever Devil Fruit- not to mention the 'family honour' complex that always made her Great-Grandpa's favourite. And Camy only acts pathetic to get attention. He's a survivalist, hunter, and major masochist. Why else would he always rile up two girls who kicked his ass to the moon and back?"

"And that makes you the sane one?" Ace asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I'd like to say that and it's usually true, but no." Sora winced. "Brandy'll never let me forget the Muffin Incident of 1998."

"Muffin Incident?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

They headed off to get more lights to decorate the church roof. As they climbed and flew up the great stone steeple, something was nagging at the back of Sora's mind. He couldn't believe he'd never thought to ask it before.

"How'd you four become siblings anyway? Nami said Uncle Dragon didn't adopt you, Sabo, and Kay-Kay until your voyage had already started."

"Sake." Ace grinned as he wrapped a string of lights around a gargoyle. "Blue distracted Dadan so I could steal a bottle of sake. When you share sake you become family- at least, in all the old stories Sabo used to tell."

That was like something Great-Grandpa Krauss had said once. Sora wasn't _actually_ related to the man after all; he was Bluejay's father's grandfather, and Sora was related through her mother's sister. But the old soldier had quickly noticed his grandson-in-law hanging back whenever he visited Brandy, Camy, Kay-Kay, and Krissy. One day while the others were having a Nerf gun fight, Sora had been surprised to find a towering shadow falling over him. He had been six at the time.

 _"Herr Johann?" That was what Sora's mom always called Mister Krauss._

 _"Call me Great-Grandpa already. Why're you hiding over here anyway? Thought you were part French, not part Italian."_

 _Sora had never been able to figure out why Mister Krauss equated Italians with cowards. The only Italians Sora had ever met were the boys down the road- loud, opinionated, and not afraid of anything. Maybe it had something to do with the war Mister Krauss had fought in?_

 _"You don't get to see your great-grandkids very often and I live right across the street. I can wait."_

 _"And what makes you think you're not one of my great-grandkids?"_

 _"We're not related." Sora frowned, not understanding._

 _Seconds later he jumped as a glass bottle slammed on the stump in front of him. Mister Krauss was frowning at him- which was very scary. Sora whimpered. The old soldier's face softened at the sound._

 _"Sheisse boy, I'm not trying to scare you. It's just a tradition from my old unit. Soldiers sharing a drink together- it makes them family. The only family some of us had left by the end of it."_

 _Sora lifted the bottle and took a dubious sip. The liquid inside was bitter and strong, hard for him to swallow. But he managed, because he wanted to be included more than he cared about the taste. Mis- no, Great-Grandpa chuckled when he took the bottle back and had a long drink._

 _"Blech! What was that?"_

 _"Warsteiner Premium Verum. Blood may be thicker than water, boy, but good beer is thicker than both."_

 _"Great-Grandpa…" Sora blinked up at the man. "You know I'm six, right? Mom says I'm not supposed to have beer and stuff."_

 _"Eh, what your mother doesn't know won't hurt us. Now, I've got a couple Nerf guns left; what say you and I team up against your cousins?"_

 **LLAMA**

She was with Robin, sticking something called Cleanse Tags on the fence around the village. The local witch had handed them the stack; Llama immediately copied the design into her notebook. Maybe Bluejay or Sabo would know what it meant- they were pagan. It wasn't the poneglyph language, otherwise Robin would've been able to read it.

As they neared the end of their job, Llama paused with a frown. "We need more tags."

"Wha- oh, I see what you mean Bomb-chan." Robin looked up as Llama pointed.

Outside the boundary of the fence stood an old, sinister building. Its windows were boarded up and broken; it's open door was a rotted, screaming mouth. Unlike the dark-yet-beautiful architecture of the village proper, this building was plain brick and in a sad state of disrepair.

"Well, let's go ask Witch-san for more tags then." Robin smiled. "After all, it wouldn't do for a building so close to town to become infested with ghosts."

But when they went back and told the witch what they wanted, the old lady shook her head. "The Eagle Hotel's already infested; my Cleanse Tags will do nothing. Too full of ghosts from a war a hundred years ago, plus however many more it's attracted since."

Llama frowned. "Why didn't someone cleanse it back then?"

"Several of my ancestors tried; all failed. The master of that place was far too strong. My Cleanse Tags are barely enough to keep the ghosts out of the village tonight."

Robin raised an eyebrow. "And why is tonight of all nights so important?"

"It's Samhain, the night when the barrier between worlds is thinnest. The night when ghosts are most powerful."

Thanking the witch, Llama and Robin made their way back to the main square. Robin looked contemplative as they walked. "Do you think we should tell the others?"

"Of course." Llama grinned into her scarf. "Especially Usopp. This is Halloween- life's no fun without a good scare."

 **BLUEJAY**

The party was certainly interesting- Fuusha Village had never made such a big deal out of Halloween. And yet, despite how loud and energetic it was, Sabo-nii and I had no trouble setting up our usual Samhain celebration. The villagers were even eager to help us. They led us to a field in one corner of the village that the local witch often used for ceremonies, and even offered to get us any supplies we might need. Of course, Sabo-nii and I always carried our own ritual supplies so we politely declined.

A circle of flour. Incense, a candle, a bowl of water, and a lump of quartz. It was a simple ritual, but soothing. Sabo-nii and I hadn't had time for such things often since we set out to sea, and never on one of the Sabbats. Mortal danger didn't tend to give us much time for our spiritual practices.

Normally on Samhain I didn't have any particular ancestor to try and contact. Now that I had all my memories though, that had changed. When the time came I sent my thoughts out to my father's father, asking him to watch over me and if he knew anything about the Curse of Jones.

There was no answer.

I opened my eyes and looked up at Sabo-nii. "Maybe spirits from my old world can't come here…"

"Spirits don't have that kind of limitation," my brother informed me. "They go wherever they're needed most. Maybe he's busy trying to find you a new pair of glasses."

"Ace-nii'll do that soon enough," I grumbled.

Once we'd closed the quarters and cleaned up, we headed back to the party. I immediately split off from Sabo-nii. Samhain or not, if I stayed close he would still make me dance. Bobbing for apples turned out to be an excellent- and delicious- way to hide from him.

Several hours later found me competing with Zoro as we tried to carve jack-o-lanterns with our swords. I lost, although not as badly as I'd expected to. My carving was of our crew's Jolly Roger; his was a full-on portrait of Luffy, Nii-chan's grin lighting up golden. The locals were impressed with both of us.

That was where Sora found me. My cousin was flushed with excitement, though he didn't smell or sound drunk. There _was_ a bottle of pumpkin spice mead in one of his hands though. He held three cups carefully with his tail. Sora grabbed my arms as I sheathed my tanto.

"Kay-Kay! Have you seen Llama?"

I rolled my eyes and frowned at the colourful blur in front of me. "Yes Sora, because I can see _so_ well right now."

"Ah, point taken." Sora just grinned even wider. "Can you _hear_ her then?"

"She's over with Kaya and Usopp, telling them a story about a haunted hotel. Usopp's wigging out."

"Excellent." Sora dragged me over to where the aforementioned trio sat. "Hey- Usopp, Kaya, Kay-Kay'n I are borrowing Llama now. Thanks, bye!" Well, that was unusual. My cousin was usually a lot calmer than this. Had someone given him too much sugar?

The back of my neck prickled with our nurse and sniper's stares. Oblivious, Sora grabbed Llama with the same hand he was using to drag me and pulled us off through town. I could've stopped him- I was sure I was strong enough to just dig my heels in and halt, and even if I wasn't a good kick in the groin would've sufficed. But I didn't. Sora would never try to hurt any of our crew mates, _especially_ not me and Llama. Besides, I was curious about where this was going.

Sora let us stop at a stump near where Sabo-nii and I had performed our ceremony. Pushing Llama and I into sitting positions, he set the cups and mead down before seating himself. My eyes went wide.

"You've been talking to Ace-nii, haven't you?"

"Well, yes, but Great-Grandpa Krauss actually did this with me too when I was little. He said 'Blood may be thicker than water, but good beer is thicker than both.' This pumpkin spice stuff was all I could find though… But Ace used sake, so this should do."

Llama stared at the both of us in confusion. "What's going on?"

"Welcoming you properly to the family." Sora poured three glasses of mead. "It's tradition- share a drink and become related. You're our cousin now too."

"Unless you want to be our sister," I added. This was perfect, what with Llama's thing about wanting to belong to a family. I mean, Dad had adopted our whole crew, but I didn't know how Llama felt about that. "Although I'm not sure how you could be a sister for both of us when me'n Sora are cousins…"

Our demolitions expert shrugged and picked up her glass. Sora and I followed suit. A fit of nostalgia came over me as we drank.

"I now declare us the B Team!" Sora announced as we set our glasses down. Llama and I stared at him in confusion.

"The B Team?"

Sora nodded. "Yeah. Ace, Sabo, and Luffy- ASL- are obviously the A Team. We're BSL- the B Team."

"Or we could be the Eh Team," I offered, "Since we're all Canadian."

Llama giggled; Sora pouted. "Bad pun Kay-Kay, bad."

"As if yours was any better! I felt like you were referencing a movie I've never seen!"

"If I was, I've never seen it either! I was just trying to give us a cool name…"

"How much sugar have you had tonight anyway? This isn't normal for you."

"…Probably too much."

All three of us burst out laughing. Within moments I could barely breathe, lying on my back in the grass. I looked over at Llama. "So… What year was it when you fell out of the old world?"

"1994."

"Wow, you disappeared before I did. 1997. But the Mist stopped you aging, so I'm older. Sweet!"

"Only by a month and a half."

Sora rolled over to lie between us. "Yeah, well, I'm the oldest and I disappeared in 2005."

"And that means what exactly?"

"Nothing." Sora's tail plucked a dandelion from the base of a nearby grave. "After all, even if I'm the oldest _now_ , for all we know Llama could've babysat me when I was, like, five."

That actually made Llama look thoughtful. "…Maybe? I don't like kids, but there was this one little guy I had to look after a couple times. You kinda remind me of him."

My male cousin shuddered. "You're not supposed to agree with me…"

 **CAPTAIN SNAPPY**

Everyone was too drunk to put up a fight against Pops, even Ma. It figured. Snappy had been looking forward to a nice long nap- the cooler weather here made him tired and sluggish. But no, Pops wanted to go check out the Majorly Creepy Building outside the town, and he dragged everyone else with him. The only ones missing were Hunting Bird Girl, Quiet Little Explosion, and Flying Desert Lizard.

Snappy squawked his protest as they entered the dusty halls, but no one paid him any mind. Even Ma, who usually listened to him, was too occupied with keeping Pops from running off. They even dragged Square Nose (Snappy couldn't think of him as Strange Nose anymore since he'd spent so much time on the ship) along with them. He was supposed to be Caught Prey!

They were searching through the top floor of the Majorly Creepy Building when all their Light Shells stopped working at once. Nose Who Lies and Angel immediately panicked- the Light Shells were supposed to last much longer, apparently. No matter what the pair did, they couldn't get them working again.

Floating Silver People started to appear around them. Dread pooled in Snappy's gizzard. He knew what these were- dead. Dead who had not stayed eaten. They were angry, suffering… Trapped. So, so angry.

Nothing any of the Pack did had any effect. Not Pops' fists or Maker Of Food's feet, not Ma's swords or Orange Pack Tracker's lightning. And when the Floating Silver People touched their chests, they fell one by one. Snappy tried to bite a glowing arm, but his teeth passed right through. Then the Floating Silver Person caught him with an eerie scowl and plunged their hand through him. Cold filled Snappy's veins, far colder than even the snows of Great Can-Shaped Mountains where they had met Prey Who Is Pack. The velociraptor keened as he fell unconscious.

 **BLUEJAY**

By the time we returned to the town proper, the party was well over. We headed over to the inn where our crew had gotten rooms. Only… When I opened the door to the room I was supposed to share with my brothers, they weren't there. I looked over at Sora as he opened the room next door. His face was dark.

"Zoro, Ghin, and Sanji?"

"Gone."

We were joined seconds later by Llama. "Have you seen Kaya and Robin?"

Cold dread settled into my stomach. With Sora and Llama behind me, I quickly checked each of the remaining rooms. None of our crew mates were anywhere to be found. My hands shook. What had happened to them? Where were my brothers?

"Where are they? _Where are they_?"

Sora hefted his mallet. "Let's go ask around. Nami and them might be subtle, but Captain Luffy couldn't have vanished without anyone noticing anything."

We knocked on Mayor Jack's door first. He answered in a black-striped dressing gown, a similarly coloured night cap clinging to his head. Upon hearing our questions, the mayor looked horrified.

"They must have gone exploring. No one ever leaves the village on Halloween- the last person who tried was never seen again. But your friends were all asleep… We thought they would stay that way through the night, that they didn't need to be warned."

Llama paled. "It's my fault. I told Usopp about the old hotel. If Luffy heard…"

"He'd drag everyone in for an adventure," I finished, slamming my forehead against Mayor Jack's wall. My brother was such an idiot- not that I always had room to say much. "Oh well, at least we know where to start looking."

"You can't go there!" Mayor Jack turned white as bone. "That place attracts restless spirits from all over the seas! It's full of angry, suffering, bloodthirsty ghosts!"

I stopped banging my head to shoot the mayor an evil look. My heart went cold; my voice was flat and forceful. "Ghosts that have _my brothers_."

"Ouch, silver eyes." Sora winced.

Jack didn't say anything more. He didn't try to stop us as we left, nor did anyone else in the village. Only the little old witch lady watched us go, staring sadly from the tag-covered fence.

"You're making a big mistake younglings. Once someone's taken by the ghosts, they never come back."

I ignored her, pausing instead to look at the Cleanse Tags. There was something familiar about that design… I couldn't remember though. Too angry. So I put the pieces of paper out of my mind as I led the march up to the haunted hotel.

As soon as we were all inside, the heavy, rotting door slammed shut of its own accord. Sora jumped; I flinched, but hid it with a grin and a song. "You can check out any time you like, but you can never le~ave!"

" _Hotel California_ Kay-Kay, really? As if this place wasn't creepy enough."

"Hey, it's a good song! Llama, you got anything we can use for light?"

Seconds later, the white flame of some sort of magnesium flare lit up the great foyer. That only made things more sinister. Moth-eaten curtains hung in front of boarded up windows; dust layered the carpet. A once grand chandelier had fallen from the ceiling, shattering and scattering glass across the floor. And then we saw _them_.

Flickering humanoid shapes appeared and disappeared at each hall and door, gliding across the foyer or standing by the walls. Each bore evidence of horrendous injuries. The Skellingtown villagers hadn't been lying about the ghosts. And then, as my companions and I stood frozen to the spot, the aforementioned ghosts saw _us_.

It was like a tide of silver and white. Wind roared through the room; my ears were filled with hundreds of shrieking voices. I tried to strike the first ghost to reach us, but my hand went right through. He grinned wickedly as he reached cold fingers into my chest. I grit my teeth; apparently these ghosts could do a lot more harm to us than we could to them.

Only they never got the chance. Sora pulled me back as another ghost appeared from one side, kicking and snarling at our attackers. The aggressive ghosts all shrank away from the new arrival. He continued to glare and snarl until, one by one, the other ghosts left.

"Grandpa Jones?" I asked hesitantly, wondering if my Samhain prayer had been answered after all. Then the ghost turned towards us and that hope died in my chest.

The only thing this ghost had in common with my grandfather was that I was fairly sure he'd been blond in life. He was far taller than Grandpa Jones- and that was saying something- and clownish makeup covered his face. A charred, torn cloak of feathers hung from his broad shoulders.

"Th-thanks," Sora stammered when I couldn't find my voice. The ghost smiled.

"Aw, you three are so cute! But what are you doing here? It's dangerous for the living to come here without protection."

Somehow the ghost managed to trip over his own cloak and fall on his ass as he moved to shoo us out the door. Which was still shut. I grit my teeth and scowled at him, forcing words out past the growing lump in my throat. "We're here to find our crew."

Sorrow and understanding crossed the ghost's face. "Oh… You're with the group who came earlier. I'm very sorry- I couldn't save them, they've already been taken down to the basement. So I'm afraid there's no hope."

"Basement?" Llama, Sora, and I all asked the question in unison. The ghost nodded.

"Below the hotel is a place that used to hold prisoners of war. It's the home of the king of this place- a mythical zoan user of the Hito-Hito no Mi: Model Bogeyman. He can control ghosts and other terrors of the night."

"But not you…?" Llama asked suspiciously. The ghost grinned.

"No, not me. He can keep me here, but he can't control me. My reason for dying was too strong."

When he was met with blank stares, the ghost sighed and explained. "I died to save someone precious to me. That kind of sacrifice creates a ghostly form of Busoshoku Haki- it protects me from the more sinister aspects of death, Devil Fruits, and curses. See? The wound that killed me is hidden too."

Then he snapped his fingers and hit himself on the forehead. "Ergh, sorry, I'm so clueless. Law used to complain about that all the time. My name is Rocinante; who are you?"

"Sora Verne- call me Sora. Where I come from it's family name second."

"Llama."

"Monkey D Bluejay Jones."

Rocinante's eyes widened. "A D?"

"Adopted, but yeah. And there's three more downstairs, so how do we get to the basement?"

"You can't." Rocinante shook his head. "It's been sealed up with stone and ceremony for a hundred years or more. Only the Bogeyman can bring people in or out."

"Well, we'll get in anyway. That Bogeyman took my brothers and the rest of our crew- I don't know why, and I don't care. _We're getting them back_."

Sora began to wander around the room, tapping here and there with his mallet. Eventually he nodded to himself after a particularly hollow-sounding thud. "Here. It's right about here, isn't it?"

Rocinante nodded; Sora raised his mallet above his head. Just as my cousin started his downswing though, Llama shouted at him.

"Wait!"

Everyone froze. I'd never heard Llama's voice go so loud before. Our demolitions expert flipped through her ever-present notebook until she came to a diagram of the Cleanse Tags- which she shoved in my face. "I don't know what this is, but it might help. You always have paint and markers and stuff, right Jay?"

"Yeah…" I pulled out the marker I usually used to doodle on Ace-nii's face and copied the Cleanse Tag design onto my arm- larger than in Llama's book, so I could see it better. Now I recognized it… It was one of the pictures from the big holey stone I'd crawled through to get to this world. I whistled.

"Don't know exactly what this is, but it's special. Make sure you don't lose it Llama."

"I won't." She sounded insulted.

Turning, I showed the mark to Rocinante. "Do you know what this is?"

"No." The ghost cringed away. "But I can't touch it. Something bad will happen if I do."

"Excellent." I took my marker and leapt at my companions. They yelped in protest as I began to scribble over their exposed skin. Unlike Ace-nii though, neither Sora nor Llama was strong enough to make me stop. And I didn't just do them either; I covered myself in runes too, right down to the tips of my fingers. All the better to claw ghosts with.

 **SORA**

The hotel floor had once been solid, beautiful wood, but time had not been kind to it. Sora raised his newly rune-covered mallet above his head and struck downwards with all his might. He was rewarded with a loud crack, although the floor still held. Frowning, the rainbow serpent tried again. This time he aimed _through_ the floor, as if trying to smash a clay pot that was hidden underneath.

"Back Breaker!"

Shouting and the change of focus seemed to do the trick. The floor gave way beneath Sora's feet, dropping him three meters onto flat stone. His legs smarted a little as he faltered on the landing. When Bluejay and Llama landed like cats beside him and Rocinante floated nervously down, Sora stuck out his tongue.

"Show offs."

"Oh, bite me," Bluejay snarked back.

Sora ignored the provocation with the ease of long practice, looking around instead. They appeared to have fallen into a wood and stone maze of sorts- an old prison. The zoan user looked at Rocinante. "How big _is_ this place exactly?"

"Big."

Which meant there was nothing for it but to explore. Bluejay took the lead, with Llama in the middle carrying the light. Sora and Rocinante brought up the rear. And they were _so_ lucky the ghost was incorporeal. If he'd been solid, he would've announced their every move with how often he tripped and bumped into things.

"Sora…" The ghost sighed heavily as they walked along. The zoan user looked over.

"Yeah?"

"When you leave, can you do something for me?"

"Um… Once we kick the Bogeyman's ass and get our crew back, won't you be free to leave too?"

"Yes, but I'm still a ghost. I can only make myself visible and audible to the living on Halloween- one night out of every year. What I want to do concerns a living being… One I'm not even sure how to find."

"Oh. Okay. Shoot."

Rocinante smiled. "Thank you. I need you to find my- my son. Trafalgar D Water Law. Just tell him I love him. Say 'Rocinante loves you' and he'll know… He'll be angry, but he'll know you aren't lying."

Erk, mushy. Sora wasn't sure he could say that to another guy. But he smiled and nodded anyway, because that's what Straw Hats did: they helped their friends, regardless of the cost. "Okay, got it. I'll track him down and tell him. But you better follow me when I do- it'll be worth more coming from you, even if you have to wait a while to say it."

"True, very true." Rocinante chuckled. Then he stiffened, eyes flicking to the front of the pack. "Jones, look out!"

Sora's head snapped around just in time to see Bluejay gut a giant rat in mid-air. She wiped her tanto on its fur before sheathing the weapon. Llama giggled.

"I guess ROUSs _do_ exist."

"In this world?" Bluejay snickered, "Definitely."

Rocinante turned to Sora with a question in his eyes. The rainbow serpent shrugged and pointed to the dead rat. "Rodent of Unusual Size."

"Ah."

They passed through an old sewer not long after, explaining where the giant rat had come from. There were many more there too, but they were unwilling to attack after Sora shifted his vocal chords and growled. No Dream Impulse was required; the animals were simply terrified of his dragon voice.

Beyond the sewer and around the bend was a scene straight from a horror story. A number of broken tombstones lay in a ring around an ancient, mossy pool; each had a Straw Hat chained to it, unconscious. Around them flitted a Lovecraftian _thing_. Just looking at it made Sora want to hurl. Canvas and flesh, slime and chitin… Those parts weren't meant to combine in _that_ way. Most disturbing was its face, all eyes and mandibles and suction cups. Sora couldn't tell what the thing had been before it ate its Devil Fruit. He looked at Rocinante.

"You sure it ate the Model Bogeyman and not the Model Cthulhu?"

"Positive."

The thing saw them. Its gurgling laugh grated on Sora's eardrums. "You should have stayed away- not that I mind. With you here I have a chance to test my new toys."

Wormy fingers twitched as if controlling a marionette. The creature pulled a ghost over and forced the spirit into Ace, undoing the firecracker's chains. Stiff and jerky, the unconscious pirate rose. When he opened his eyes, they shore red instead of their usual grey. Sora couldn't decide what he was more afraid of- this puppet in Ace's body, or Bluejay, who suddenly felt like an angry sea king to his instincts.

"White Tiger's Hunting Song!"

"Dream Impulse!" Sora filled the air with sleeping gas as his cousin attacked puppet-Ace. It did absolutely nothing.

Llama and Bluejay buried their noses in their scarf and bandanna respectively. "What was that for?!"

"I needed to know if it would work!"

Rocinante smiled ruefully. "I'm sorry for not warning you about this, but the dead can't sleep."

"Damn."

It quickly became clear that while puppet-Ace had Ace's speed and strength, it couldn't control his powers. This was possibly due to Ace mentally fighting back- a fact that was supported by faint whispers of "Don't touch my sister" on repeat. That didn't make being hurled into walls any less painful though. Even without his fruit Ace was strong as an ox and twice as stubborn.

Sora slammed his mallet into Ace's chest while Bluejay distracted the puppet with a kick to the face. Since this was still Ace's body though, their combined blows only knocked him back a meter or so. At least, until one of Llama's Novas flew past Sora's hand and detonated against Ace's stomach. Everyone in the melee was sent flying.

Wincing at the new pain in his ribs, Sora frowned at the demolitions expert. "Watch where you're throwing those things!"

 **LLAMA**

She shrugged. "Ace is fire; it can't hurt him. And aren't dragons supposed to be fireproof?"

"Rainbow serpent! Dreams, not fire! And what about Kay-Kay?!"

A cough. "I'm fine Sary. Don't worry about it."

Puppet-Ace groaned and stood up. Llama gulped. "Okay, I guess that _didn't_ help…"

Sora shook his head. "It's just like some of the worse battles in _Tales of Phantasia_ \- we've gotta take out the caster first, but the golem's gonna kill us."

"I can hold Ace-nii back for a bit. The ghost in him can use his physical abilities, but not his skills. It's clumsy. That makes it a little better. You've got about two minutes before I get my ass handed to me through sheer force though."

Then they couldn't waste a second. Llama whipped out her stick, dashing in close to whack the Bogeyman and jam a Green Star into a gap in its exoskeleton. One tentacle lashed out as she did so, sending her tumbling across the ground. Llama rolled to a stop by Rocinante, flat on her back.

"Do you like cheese?" she asked the ghost dazedly. He shrugged.

"I did when I was alive."

"Oh good. We can be friends then."

Llama rolled back to her feet just as the bomb she'd left exploded. Sora coughed; he'd been closing in to use his mallet and was caught on the edge of the blast. "The corrosive one, really? In a team fight?"

"Sorry."

Right… Sora was a melee fighter- any of her big explosions would hit him too. That meant… "Sora, cover your nose!"

"Knee Cru- wait, what?"

"Skunk Pellet!"

The air filled with a sulphurous stench as the tiny yellow bomb burst. Sora and the Bogeyman both gagged. Oh good, the monster had a working nose. Llama hadn't been able to tell by looking. She ran in and jammed her stick into one of its eyes, stuffing its joints full of her weakest bombs as she went.

"Sparkler Eruption!"

Pop, pop, pop! The Bogeyman flinched as tiny explosions dug into it. That made a perfect opening for Sora. "Back Breaker!"

The Bogeyman slammed into the floor, its chitin cracking. At the same time a horrific scream from Ace showed that Bluejay had somehow gotten the spirit possessing him out. The firecracker went limp, falling sideways from where he'd been kneeling on his sister and trying to choke her. Bluejay looked disgusted. Two fingers had been burned off one of her gloves.

"Okay, if another one gets possessed, stick a Cleanse Tag rune up their nose." Bluejay wiped boogers off her blistered fingers and onto Ace's shorts. Llama smiled.

"Good to know Jay."

Black tentacles lashed out, knocking all three pirates into walls. "You dare take my playthings? Die!"

It was like the whole room was suddenly under a black light. Llama idly wondered if there was a way to use her powers to recreate the effect. The tentacles now glowed a disturbing shade of green. Sora raised his eyebrows as he pounded one tentacle into the floor. Llama shook her head. "I swear it's not me. Wish it was though."

The next few moments were a flurry of dodging and smacking. No matter how many tentacles the three pirates destroyed, more appeared to batter them into the walls. They even seemed to be multiplying. This suspicion was confirmed when Bluejay ripped one of the Bogeyman's tentacles off only for it to dissolve and be replaced by two more. Funny, Llama thought that was supposed to be a hydra thing. Shortly after, a powerful blow almost sent the demolitions expert flying through Rocinante. The ghost dodged with a scowl and a sigh.

"Will you three quit it with the tentacles? You're not getting anywhere."

"But only Jay's fast enough to get through," Llama protested as she blew up yet more tentacles with a Blue Burst.

"That wouldn't be a problem if you hadn't _made so many extra tentacles_!"

Across the room, Bluejay's face lit up. Fingers flew in a set of signs too quick to consciously translate, but Llama knew what she meant. So did Sora apparently, as he nodded and slid back into a different stance. Rocinante looked from one to the other in confusion.

"What're you three doing?"

"You'll see."

Bluejay rushed through the mass of tentacles on all fours like a cat. As she reached the Bogeyman's chitinous body, she spun up into a heavy kick like something Sanji would use. "We Fight Together:B-!"

"S-!" Sora slammed his mallet into the Bogeyman's head as it flew his way, knocking it in Llama's direction.

"L Rondo!" The demolitions expert threw a Green Star and a few Novas at their opponent. A brilliant flash filled the room.

Rocinante fell back on his ass. "You kids are brutal. Almost as bad as Law."

Something was still moving as the smoke cleared. "You- you think that's enough to beat me? I am a being of nightmare! As long as fear exists I- ack!"

Sora picked up the Bogeyman by its antennae. "A being of nightmare eh? Well, I'm the dragon of dreams. Night-night." Slam! The zoan user's rune-covered mallet smashed the Bogeyman into a wall hard enough to crack the stone.

There was a pained gurgle, then a rush of cold wind as ghosts fled the building. Only Rocinante remained. Now safe, Llama knelt down to poke at their crew mates. "How long do you think it'll take them to wake up?"

Rocinante shrugged. "I'm afraid I don't know; I've never seen someone survive being captured before."

"What the creep did might not matter." Bluejay jerked her thumb at Sora. "They probably got a lungful of Dream Impulse earlier. They'll be out til dawn."

As if for the purpose of proving his sister wrong, Ace blinked awake with a yawn. Then again, he _was_ the one who'd been fighting possession and had fingers jammed up his nose. "Morning guys… Why're we all in a creepy basement?"

"Oh good." Llama grinned into her scarf. "He can carry Franky back to the ship for us." She really hadn't been looking forward to figuring out how to do _that_. The cyborg was _heavy_.

 **BLUEJAY**

The villagers of Skellingtown were pleased once we told them the three of us had cleared out the old hotel. If Rocinante hadn't been with us they might've thrown another party. As it was, Mayor Jack asked that our crew leave at first light. I was about to yell at him for that- sure Rocinante was an undead klutz, but he was harmless! A cold hand passed through my shoulder.

"It's fine. Just worry about your crew. Although… I hope you don't mind sharing your ship with a ghost for a little while while I get off this island. I promise I won't be much trouble- you won't even see or hear me come dawn."

"Nii-chan'd be fine with it even if you made a mess and had stuff flying around all over the place." I waved a hand dismissively.

Rocinante sweatdropped. "That would be a poltergeist…"

Once we got everyone back to the ship, I headed up to the crow's nest to keep watch and mend my glove. It was hard; the fingers I'd stuck up Ace-nii's nose had no cloth left below the second knuckle. I ended up having to more or less sew whole new fingers on. My skin was red and itchy on those two digits, blistering in an uncomfortably familiar way.

Sora and Llama joined me, hearkening back to days in the East Blue when I wasn't allowed on watch alone. Not that they knew that. When Sora saw my fingers he insisted I stop sewing for a minute and put some burn ointment on them. I tried to refuse, claiming I was fine. He refused my refusal by stealing my glove and scowling til I did as I was told. Sheesh, it was like he'd been taking lessons from Sabo-nii or something.

While I was rubbing the ointment in, Llama suddenly grabbed my hands and started examining them intently. "I didn't know you wore nail polish. That's a nice colour." So saying, she used her powers to change Sora's nails to match mine.

"I don't- wah!" My fingernails were shiny and dark. It was a purple that almost looked black. When had that happened? How?

Sora frowned at Llama until she let his nails go back to normal. Then he too was examining my hands more closely. "Um, Kay-Kay…"

"Oro?"

"Your fingernails- they aren't fingernails anymore. They look like my scales."

"Verdammt ficken Sheisse!" I stared. He was right. But I hadn't eaten a zoan fruit, so why- the curse. This had something to do with my curse.

I finished repairing my glove in record time and had both my hands covered again. "Don't tell anyone."

"But Kay-Kay…" Sora looked worried. I shook my head.

"No. It's not hurting anyone and it'll just make my brothers freak out. Swear on our Jolly Roger you won't tell."

"Promise." Llama reached up to touch her tattoo. Sora hesitated, then nodded and reached back to touch his own mark.

"Fine. But you'll tell us if it spreads, right?"

"Okay, sure." No way in the Nine Hells. I eyed the head coming up through the floor. "That goes for you too Roci- you can't tell anyone either."

"What? Oh, fine. It's not like I'm even capable of tattling on you for most of the year anyway. It's almost dawn; I just came to say goodbye."

"Bye. And don't worry, I'll deliver your message."

"Goodbye."

"Later Roci!"

And so, the last ghost of Halloween faded with the morning light. Not long after, our crew woke up one by one. And then we were sailing on towards our next adventure.


	27. Filler Barque- Laundry Day

**Bluejay: If you're wondering why there's a Filler Barque right after the Halloween special, it's because we had this written first, then three days before Halloween decided that we needed to do a holiday chapter and rushed that one out more or less overnight.**

 **On another note… Wow. I think this may be our shortest chapter. Ah well, that's only to be expected with the subject matter. Llama wanted to see more men in dresses, and we didn't really want to mix that into any of the upcoming plot-relevant chapters.**

 **Llama: ART ATTACK! Also, do you like cheese?**

 **Tetsik: Who likes muffins?**

Since we didn't have a brig, Kaku spent most of his time in the laundry room- which also doubled as Kaya's lab. The rest of us rarely went in there, so we only really thought about our prisoner when Sanji took him his meals, or when Kaya went in and locked the door to do her experiments. I think our nurse liked having a new guinea pig. The first time, Sora muttered something about a Geneva Convention and wondering if allowing Kaya to play with Kaku was a human rights violation. Llama reminded him with her stick that whatever a Geneva Convention was, it didn't exist in this world. Only our old one.

We seemed to be approaching a large winter island, as the air was growing rapidly cooler. Franky set up some heaters to keep Nami's mikan trees from being frosted over- _I_ wanted to know how they'd survived at Drum Kingdom. Eh, mystery citrus. The cold made me sleepy. I was grateful for Ace-nii being made of fire now- it meant he was warm to snuggle with and I didn't need my coat. I took advantage of opportunity when it was presented, curling up on my narcoleptic brother's chest when he collapsed backwards onto the deck. Mmm, warm…

I was woken by the sound of someone's footsteps approaching my head. It took a second to identify them as Kaya's. By then the nurse had stopped beside me and Ace-nii and was tapping her fingers on something. I opened one eye.

"Oro?"

"Bluejay-san, how long have you been wearing those clothes?"

"Umm… Good question." I wasn't sure. Had I changed outfits since the creepy Halloween island? Or even before- was I wearing the same tunic I had to fight Wren? I couldn't remember. "…I've been putting on clean underwear every day?"

"Yes, and you've nearly run out."

"Your point is?" Couldn't Kaya see how sleepy I was? All I wanted was to continue lying on my wonderful heating pad of a brother.

"I'm doing laundry- _now_. Please go change into something else so I can wash you clothes."

"They don't smell yet. I'm fine."

Our nurse let out an exasperated sigh. "Bluejay-san, the blue parts of your tunic are purple and the white parts are red. Your tights have so much blood on them that they crackle when you're sparring. I know you have an image to maintain as Red Talons, striking fear into marines everywhere, but this is ridiculous. Since you can't fight without getting covered in gore, you'll have to put up with your clothes being washed on a regular- and frequent- basis."

"Hmm… Don't wanna." I closed my eye and resumed cuddling Ace.

Something poked me in the neck. Dizziness washed over me, the blackness behind my eyelids turning different colours as I struggled to hold onto consciousness. "I'm afraid you don't have a choice Bluejay-san. Or you either Ace-san. And yes, I know you can hear me, even if the cataplexy portion of your fit hasn't worn off yet. Since the two of you are too sleepy to change, I suppose I'll have to do this myself."

 **SORA**

The zoan user was reading in the men's cabin when Kaya burst in dragging a basket that barely fit through the door. He could have been in the library, he supposed, except Robin was doing something in there with her runes and didn't want to be disturbed. Some of the fairy tales in Sora's book were hilarious; he doubted Robin would appreciate his sporadic giggling. Kaya smiled as the rainbow serpent looked up from his book.

"Oh good, there's someone in here. Sora-san, I need you to help me gather all the dirty laundry, including what you're wearing."

"Um… Then what am I supposed to wear? _All_ my clothes are dirty."

"Surely Zoro-san or Sabo-san's clothes would fit you?"

Sora shook his head. "I'm not wearing anything of Zoro's- even _he_ doesn't know where it's been. And Sabo's only got one clean outfit left himself- that gown in the back of his closet."

"Hmm… All you men need more clothes." Kaya frowned. "We'll have to get more fabric on the next island- we forgot that in Water Seven. Well… Will Ace's shorts fit you? He has at least one pair still clean."

Debating whether he should protest, Sora noticed a two-thirds empty needle in the nurse's hand. Deciding he didn't want to be the third person that day to get in the poison-happy girl's way, the zoan user booked it to the ASLB cabin to beg a pair of pants off the firecracker. When he got there, he found Ace sleeping half on the floor and half on the bed, with Bluejay lying mostly on top of him. Nothing new. What _was_ unusual was that Bluejay had apparently been forced into the go-go dress from the Davy Back Tournament- likely in her sleep. A needle mark on her neck explained how she was still snoring into Ace's neck rather than up in arms. Sora suddenly had a very good idea who Kaya's first two victims were.

He changed quickly and trotted back to the men's cabin. Ace's shorts were a little tight on him, but not bad. When he returned to his starting point, Sora found Kaya carefully shaking each of his pairs of cargo shorts over his hammock before tossing them in her laundry hamper. The nurse paused and looked up at the helmsman with a raised eyebrow.

"Sora-san," she asked, gesturing to the growing pile of coins, shiny buttons, and shells, "Are you having trouble controlling your fruit's instincts lately? Because I think Chopper and I have something that can help with that."

"Umm… No…" Had he really picked up that many shinies? He hadn't thought so, but maybe… "I've always done this."

"Really? Because I don't think we had this issue before Skypeia."

The zoan user sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "It- it's a stress thing. I pick up interesting stuff when I'm worried or confused. Things've been getting weirder lately."

"Then perhaps you should talk to Conis-san about it."

"Yeah… Maybe." Sora began scouring the room for dirty laundry. A few of Zoro and Ghin's things he picked up with a mop handle, refusing to touch them with his bare hands. Even among the males, those two displayed an unusual shortage of clothes. Although Sora supposed it was justified, at least in Zoro's case- the swordsman tended to have his shirts torn or cut by his opponents fairly frequently.

"I'm willing to bet they've been wearing the same thing for over a week too," Kaya muttered. "Sora-san, be a dear and go get the others to change into some of Ace's shorts too, then bring me their dirty clothes."

"Er… Um… I can't do that." Sora rubbed the scar on his neck. Quite aside from the fact that he didn't think Zoro at least would be able to _fit_ into anything of Ace's, there was another problem. "I'm wearing the last of Ace's clean pants."

"Then how am I supposed to wash everyone's things?"

Sora took a step away from the nurse. At the same moment, Bon-chan burst into the cabin in a huff. The okama ignored them, mumbling something about filthy barbarians as he marched over to the wardrobe Franky had built him. A rotten egg splatter- likely courtesy of Usopp- explained why Bon-chan felt the sudden need to change. When the wardrobe doors were flung open, Sora caught sight of row upon row of outfits and dresses, each lovingly hand sewn. Bon-chan had apparently been very busy during his watch shifts. Kaya's eyes shone.

"Bon-chan," the nurse asked, "May we borrow a few of your dresses?"

"Oh?" The okama paused halfway through changing into a hot pink pantsuit. "What do you have in mind?"

Eyes going wide, Sora backed away. They were going to-? Oh no, he didn't want any part of that. The zoan user snapped his wings out and took off through the door. Today was a perfect day for flying- he would train instead of getting caught up in any plan that involved Zoro wearing a dress.

 **LLAMA**

She was used to starting her day with weirdness now- really, she was. What she _wasn't_ used to starting her day with was naked cyborgs running past as soon as she stepped on deck. Llama closed her eyes and counted to ten. When she opened them the naked cyborg was still visible, so she tried ten thousand. Still no luck.

"It's just one day guys!" Franky yelled as he ran away from Bon-chan. The okama was holding something shiny and black as he pranced along after the shipwright.

"Then you shouldn't have any trouble wearing it while Sweet Pea does the laundry!"

"Nope! SUPER not happening Disguise-bro! I'll just go naked!"

"Pervert!"

"Yep! And proud of it!"

Llama saw red. She moved before she was even aware of it, her stick in hand as she lunged forward. Seemingly-unbreakable wood met a steel-plated skull. "No nudity on deck!"

"Yow! What was that for Stick-sis?"

Usopp snickered from the stairs. "As if you can't guess… Word to the wise Franky- you don't wanna get the girls mad."

Confused and with his head smarting, Franky was an easy target for Bon-chan. Llama blinked; in that span of time, the okama had somehow managed to force the shipwright into a slinky black dress. Franky crossed his arms and scowled. "Not cool Disguise-bro."

"Yes, well, you have to wear _something_. Otherwise Lamb-chan's next strike might be a little bit lower."

Franky paled and held his hands in front of his privates. Llama smirked, putting her stick away. The pervert was suitably cowed- for now. Cocking her head to one side in confusion, Llama looked at Bon-chan. "What's going on?"

"Sweet Pea wants to do all the laundry, so it's up to me to make sure everyone has something fabulous to wear until their clothes are dry!" The okama twirled.

"Speaking of laundry," Kaya said as she emerged from the men's cabin with a massive basket of dirty clothes, "Your scarf could use a wash Llama-san."

Not her fluffy! Llama never took her scarf off for anything. "No."

"Why not? Wouldn't it smell better with all the ash and chemicals rinsed out?"

"Don't touch my scarf." Llama scrambled into the rigging, knowing Kaya would never follow her up there.

"But why?" Bon-chan whined. The demolitions expert glared down at him.

"Because it's special!" She refused to elaborate. Thinking too much about then… Bad thoughts. Below, Kaya suddenly looked solemn.

"Is it like Luffy-san's hat?"

"No. Not a promise scarf." Llama snuggled her chin deeper into her fluffy. "A… A memory. Pony gave it to me before I… Before I wandered into the Mist."

"Pony?" Bon-chan climbed into the rigging beside Llama and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. The demolitions expert nodded.

"A friend. I lived with her for a while. It helped with… things." Llama _really_ didn't want to go into this right now.

Kaya nodded her understanding. "Would you be more comfortable talking about this with Conis?"

"Maybe."

Nodding again, the nurse dropped the subject. Llama was grateful. She didn't like remembering what had happened before she lived with Pony. Although… If there was one thing the demolitions expert would change about her new family, it would be to have Pony somehow join them. Not that she knew anything about how to travel between worlds to know if that was possible, or whether Pony would be happy in a world like this new one…

 **BLUEJAY**

"Verdammt ficken Sheisse!" I scrambled off Ace-nii, my yell waking him. I was wearing a… Kaya was going to _pay_. "Ace-nii, can we dye Kaya's hair _fuchsia_?"

"No. We're all out of that colour." My eldest brother yawned, then burst out laughing when he saw the go-go dress. I slapped him upside the head.

When I looked around our cabin, I found that we'd been ransacked. The only clothes left were Sabo-nii's gown and Nii-chan's sundress. As I silently fumed, Bon-chan came in and grabbed those too. Ace-nii and I followed him out on deck.

What we saw ranked right up there with out strangest experiences. Bon-chan- dressed in a hot pink pantsuit- was undressing Sabo-nii with one hand, forcing him into his gown with the other. Nii-chan had voluntarily changed into his sundress and was now bouncing around, his underwear showing at every jump. Franky was in a slinky black cocktail dress; Coby wore a powder pink tutu. I saw Zoro glowering in an ill-fitting green dirndl, and Usopp playing with the hem of his dark brown shift in resignation. Sanji had broken down in his baby blue prom dress, unable to put two words together as he knelt on the grass. Ghin shook his head and sighed, bright red salsa dress glittering as he sat by the rail. Chopper wore an adorable mulberry jumper. It seemed Sora alone had escaped wearing a dress; my cousin soared high above, dressed in a pair of Ace's shorts.

Even Kaku shared in the humiliation. The prisoner had been brought out on deck and tied to the rail near Ghin, a black and white flapper dress replacing his dark spy clothing. Someone had even gifted him with the appropriate headwear, a cloche beanie sitting in place of his baseball cap.

"Kaya and Bon-chan are _monsters_ ," Ace whispered in awe. He was grinning. " _We_ 've never tried something like _this_."

"Because _we_ would be marooned on a desert island faster than we could yell for lunch."

"Yay! Ace'n Blue're up!" Nii-chan bounced over and jumped on Ace-nii's back. "Ne, Ace… Where's _your_ dress?"

"I don't have one."

"But you _need_ one. Bon-chan, Ace needs a dress!"

My eldest brother sputtered. "But- but my pants are clean!"

Nii-chan pouted. Ace tried to look away, but Luffy caught him with shining brown eyes. There was a moment of tension as their wills clashed, then Ace-nii crumbled. He sighed and closed his eyes as his face went red. "Fine…"

And that was how Ace-nii ended up in a bright orange prom dress, even frillier than the blue one Sanji wore. He had a _very_ hard time saying no to Luffy- it was adorable.

I sulked my way over to the rail where Ghin and Kaku were. Not far away, Nami was taking pictures. It was tempting to sneak over and steal Warner, but I didn't think I could. I couldn't run as well in the go-go dress as in my usual tunic and tights. Plus, Nami would be mad… Even I didn't like making Nami mad.

"Any idea what we're gonna do with him yet?" I asked Ghin, gesturing to Kaku. Our tattoo artist shrugged.

"That's for Don Luffy to decide- whenever he remembers we _have_ a prisoner."

"You cats know I can hear you, right? And that I've been trained since birth to escape situations like these?" Kaku demonstrated said training by getting free of the rope binding him to the rail. It had obviously been tied by Zoro rather than Luffy. The former CP9 agent couldn't, however, escape the kairoseki handcuffs we had on him. As well as binding his hands together, they had the added benefit of keeping him subdued and listless most of the time.

Flicking the giraffe's nose, I retied him. "Yes, you can totally escape from a pirate ship in the middle of the ocean, where at least four of the crew can beat you in a fight and the nurse is keeping you hopped up on experimental toxins."

"Thought so." Kaku's eyes slid closed. I poked him, making sure he didn't go to sleep. Not that there was any reason he wasn't supposed to or anything; I was just bored and grumpy.

"Why'd you come here?" I asked. Kaku looked at me with confusion, so I elaborated. "The other CP9 guys we didn't kill… Their bodies weren't found after the Buster Call and they have wanted posters. They disappeared. Why'd you hide on a random ship instead of going with them?"

Kaku stared at me, his face full of disbelief. It was as if he didn't expect me to care about a prisoner's story. That was stupid! It's the easiest way to get information out of someone- everyone loves to talk about themselves. Of course, Kaku was a secret agent, so he might know what I was trying to do…

"I- I had a beef with Lucci." Or not. "Couldn't take him bossing me around and Jabra razzing me anymore. Just cause Lucci's the strongest… He threatened to bump me off when I wouldn't pipe down, so I left. Decided to take Torpedo's advice, try something new. I _liked_ being a shipwright and stuff. As for why I ended up with you fish… Not sure. Like I said, I didn't know this was your ship. Although it wasn't the one I was going for either…" The former CP9 agent frowned. "Wait- why'd I tell you that? It's usually Fukuro who has the big mouth."

Ghin chuckled. "You told her because she's the Donna. If you're half as smart as you look, you'll instinctively follow three rules on this ship: don't piss off the Dons, don't go into the galley without Sanji's permission, and don't touch any of Nami's stuff."

"Or maybe Kaya was experimenting with truth serums," I offered. That made Kaku panic and Ghin laugh outright.

 **SORA**

His wings were tired. The rainbow serpent waited until he was sure no one was looking before diving down and racing into the _Sunny_ 's aquarium bar. Sora grabbed Blackstar and hightailed it up to the crow's nest, dialing Vivi's number as he went. On this ship the crow's nest was usually Zoro's domain, but not right now. Even the future world's greatest swordsman couldn't comfortably train in a dirndl.

Puru-puru-puru-puru. Ka-clik! _"Good afternoon Sora!"_ It was so good to hear Vivi's voice. He hadn't been able to call her since before the events of Water Seven.

"Hi Vivi."

 _"So…"_ Blackstar's eyes danced, mimicking that special smile the princess had. _"How does it feel to have the second-lowest bounty on the crew? I saw the new posters- you're the only one who didn't go up at all."_

"I know," the zoan user groaned, wishing his girlfriend would focus on something else. Then again, he supposed that was inevitable with a pirate relationship. Bounties were important to them. "Apparently I didn't do enough to warrant a raise, being presumed dead and all."

 _"Presumed dead?"_ Uh-oh, danger voice. _"Explain."_

Sora rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Well… we had to save the mayor from a fire that some spies set. Only, they were still there. A couple attacked Kay-Kay… I took the hits. They were going for her neck- I'm taller, they weren't as likely to kill me. But then the floor gave out. I got trapped in a shipwright's dream, then the back corridors of the dream world. Couldn't find my way out until Ace had a narcoleptic fit."

Vivi giggled. _"Just what I would expect from you… And from Ace. Is Chopper still playing with his medication?"_

"Thankfully no. I couldn't deal with any more of that." Sora made a face. "How're things in Alabasta?"

Blackstar rolled its eyes in reflection of Sora's girlfriend. _"The same as last time you called. Countries don't change as fast as pirate crews. It's… boring, actually. Father and Kohza hardly need me at this point- the final amendments to our laws went through yesterday. I- I miss sailing with everyone."_

"You could always come back. I'm sure Captain Luffy wouldn't mind; I certainly wouldn't."

 _"If only…"_ Vivi sighed. From the way Blackstar trembled, she was shaking her head. _"It would be disastrous for my country if I was seen as a pirate. I've kept up with my training though- Father says he may let me join the Royal Guard."_

Sora chuckled. "That reminds me- Monkey D Dragon's up and adopted our whole crew. You have two fathers now. He made a deal with a bigshot pirate named Whitebeard to get his crew to leave us alone, so if any Whitebeard Pirates give you trouble, just show them your Straw Hat tattoo."

 _"Two fathers? Oh my…"_ Vivi laughed. _"I can't wait to tell Father about-?"_

"He prefers to be called Dad. Monkey D Dad."

 _"That's adorable. Although I already knew about the tattoo part. We have a couple of Whitebeard Pirates staying in Nanohana right now. Thatch fell over himself apologizing when I met him; something about scarring my sister. If…_ Dad _adopted everyone, that makes a lot more sense."_

"Yeah. He was the one who gave Kay-Kay her face scar."

A scream sounded from somewhere below. Blackstar raised its eyebrows with Vivi's confusion. _"Who was that?"_

"I don't know and I don't want to know." Sora shuddered. "It's laundry day. None of the guys had anything clean except Bon-chan, so Kaya's got our resident okama forcing everyone into dresses as punishment while she washes their clothes. I'm _not_ going out there."

Another scream tore through the air- louder this time, and a different voice. It sounded like… Sanji? Vivi had apparently reached the same conclusion. _"What could make Mr Chef scream like that?"_

Curiosity warred with Sora's very sensible fear of Kaya. Eventually curiosity won. "I guess I'll go see... It'll probably make for a good story next time, assuming I survive. Love you!"

 _"Love you too! Bye!"_ Ka-clik.

Sora exited the crow's nest cautiously, using his claws to climb down the mast instead of going down the ladder. He was glad he did. Right at the base of the ladder stood Bon-chan, holding a pail of hot wax. The okama had somehow convinced Robin to hold Sanji in place with what looked like fifty hands as Bon-chan waxed the chef's legs. And from the looks of things, Sanji wasn't their first victim. Sabo, Coby, and Ghin all sported smooth, hairless limbs; Sora wondered which of those three had uttered the first scream.

"Oi! Rainbow-bro! Talons outta the mast!"

Franky's yell startled Sora badly. The zoan user reverted fully to human form in surprise, which resulted in him falling onto Bon-chan. Hot wax splashed everywhere. The deck of the _Thousand Sunny_ echoed with screams and groans.

Opening his eyes, Sora was met with Kaya's sweet smile and Sabo's glare. The gentleman in question had wax beading in his hair, matting patches together. Robin patted Sabo's shoulder consolingly.

"It's alright Chronicler-san. It was getting long anyway; a trim won't hurt you."

Kaya helped Sora to his feet as Robin led Sabo away. Her eyes danced with vaguely threatening amusement. "I'll need to wash these shorts now Sora-san."

Before he knew it, Bon-chan had stripped him and stuffed him into a white go-go dress. Sora froze. Looking down at himself, the larger part of the zoan user wanted to scream. The smaller part idly noted that he didn't quite have the hips to pull this dress off.

 **LLAMA**

Watching Sora freeze and stare was fun at first- it certainly brightened her melancholy mood. Although after about ten minutes it seemed like something had well and truly broken the zoan user. Snickering, Llama made her way down out of the rigging. Then she frowned. Sora was supposed to be the rainbow serpent; that white was much too plain for him. Boring. She'd have to help him with that.

White pleather began to flash brightly. Red. Yellow. Pink. Green. Purple. Orange. Blue. Llama changed the colour every ten seconds. After a minute or so this proved to be good training. The demolitions expert jumped back into the rigging when the zoan user finally turned to stare at her.

"Llama… why?" It was the most pathetic whine she could ever remember hearing from a member of the crew.

Grinning, Llama shook her head and scrambled away. It was time to test the range limit on her colours. Not that she thought Sora would hurt her, but still… The tiny demolitions expert raced up through the rigging until she was perched atop the foresail with Ace and Bluejay.

Twin pairs of grey eyes turned to her, twin smiles widening below them. "Llama," Bluejay asked, "Can you turn Kaya's hair fuchsia? And Bon-chan's chartreuse?"

The demolitions expert beamed and nodded. Both siblings grinned even wider. "Then make it so."


	28. Hockey Night in One Piece

**Bluejay: So… *rubs back of head sheepishly* I've, erm, forgotten to mention this in the past two A/Ns, but we have a TVTropes page now. Exciting, eh? Although Tetsik threw about six boots at me when he realized I'd forgotten to tell people…**

"For the last time, no!"

I jerked awake to the sound of Zoro's shout. Normally this wouldn't have happened- the _Thousand Sunny_ 's ASLB cabin was sound- and scent-proofed. However, last night my brothers and I had fallen asleep in the aquarium bar after a joint galley raid. Those brownies were delicious.

Sabo-nii had his legs wrapped around my waist. I squirmed free, elbowing Nii-chan in the stomach in the process. He didn't wake. Scrambling out onto the deck, I saw Zoro training in the predawn light. Our first mate only had a single sword drawn- _Sandai Kitetsu_ , the current object of his ire.

"What's wrong?" I asked, bounding over and hanging from the rigging above Zoro's head. He grunted.

" _Kitetsu_ 's very… persistent."

"About?"

"Embarrassing me, apparently." Zoro sheathed _Kitetsu_ and sat under my line. "He keeps whispering things- naughty things. It's making it hard to focus on training."

"You're _so_ lucky you woke me up and not Bon-chan."

Zoro scowled up at me. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'll bug it out of you and keep it to myself; he'd bug it out of you and tell the whole crew over breakfast."

"And how do you intend to get it out of me? Only Luffy can order me to talk."

Grinning, I flipped around so I was upside down right in front of Zoro's face. "Youngest child of four for ten years- and oldest of two before that. Plus, I had three cousins with me all the time back then too. If _I_ can't be annoying, no one can."

Zoro raised his eyebrows skeptically; I poked the frown line on his forehead. When that failed to get a reaction I released my hold on the line, spinning as I fell to land on our swordsman's lap. The Shrubbery caught me before I hit, unwilling to risk my knees and elbows connecting with nearby sensitive anatomy. I pouted and whined.

"Tell me what _Kitetsu_ said! Tell me, tell me, tell me! I'll sneak you some of the good rum Sanji uses for cooking!"

Black eyes stared at me with exasperated concern. "Luffy, did you and Bluejay switch bodies?"

"Rude!" I flicked Zoro's forehead. "How would Nii-chan and I switch bodies Shrubbery?"

"I don't know! But at risk of sounding like Ace and Sabo, I'm sure if there _is_ a way, you two'll find it." Zoro then remembered my earlier offer and countered with one of his own. "If you drop it I'll teach you how to talk to your sword."

That made me freeze. Which was more important- embarrassing Zoro, or learning weird skills? I tumbled out of Zoro's grip to sit cross-legged in front of him. "Alright Sensei, you win this round." I pulled out my tanto.

"Good." Zoro pulled out _Wado Ichimonji_ and laid her across his lap. "Now, the first thing you need to do is learn your sword's name- or name it in your case. That blade never had one."

Staring down at my tanto, I started to hum. It was a plain blade, with a wooden hilt and good but unexceptional steel. The only decoration was Zoro's name scratched crudely on one side. Then… "Does it have to be in Nihongo?"

"Hai."

That put a damper on things. I didn't know much Nihongo- just a few things from the fairy tales I liked to read. " _Hatajirushi_ ," I decided at last. War banner.

Zoro nodded. "Good name. Next…"

 **SORA**

They were very close to a winter island- had been for days. It had gotten to the point where Sora was woken by the sound of shivering each morning rather than the sun shining through a portal. Only Chopper seemed equipped to deal with the cold- Ace didn't count. Lucky bastard was made of fire. This morning the chattering teeth came from Coby's hammock. The pink-haired boy had kicked all his blankets off in his sleep.

Sora rolled out of his hammock and prodded his neighbor awake. Green eyes blinked blearily up at him. "Good morning Sora-san."

"It is. You know what would make it even better? You _not_ squirming like Captain Luffy in your sleep and kicking all your blankets off. You're turning blue! What'm I supposed to tell Kay-Kay if you freeze?"

Coby smiled. "I'll keep that in mind, Sora- _kaasan_."

The zoan user made a face. "Ew, no. I'm not Team Mom; that's Bon-chan's job."

Both boys looked over at the okama. Bon-chan was still sound asleep, peacefully ensconced in three layers of blankets. Captain Snappy had snuggled with him in Zoro's absence. "Agreed," Coby said, "Bon-chan is Team Mom. Wait… Does that mean… Bon-chan and Dragon-san?"

"Ew! No!" Sora covered his eyes with his hands, which did exactly nothing. He couldn't unsee what he'd just imagined. "God Coby, I thought you were one of the good ones. Now I need brain bleach!"

"Me too."

Grabbing Coby's hand, Sora dragged the pink-haired boy towards the galley. "In that case, there's only one thing to do. Muffins."

"Muffins?"

"Yes, muffins. We're gonna make muffins so good they'll wipe all the unwanted images from our minds."

"Won't Sanji-san get mad at us for invading the galley?"

"Nah, I'm allowed. It's fine. Just don't give Kay-Kay any of the codes to the fridge or anything- she figures them out fast enough as it is."

Of course, Sora would never bend Sanji's rules so far as to actually let Coby cook. The zoan user set his cousin's boyfriend down near the stove as he started. Flour. Oats. One egg. Baking powder. Cranberries. Milk. Mixing and measuring was a soothing thing, just taxing enough to keep Sora from thinking about his adoptive father figure in awkward relationships. Coby watched with interest.

"Is this something you did a lot in your old world Sora-san?"

"Baking? Yeah. Part French, part German- put the two together and it'd be a disgrace if I couldn't bake. Plus I love muffins, so…"

By the time the muffins were ready, the entire crew was awake. Sanji shot Sora a confused look as he entered the galley. The zoan user waved him away. "I'll do breakfast today Sanji. Bacon, eggs, and muffins."

"Okay. Sounds good."

After the crew had eaten, Sora went to the laundry room to take Kaku his breakfast. The giraffe zoan glared dully up at the rainbow serpent. "It's cold in here."

"I'll bring you an extra blanket tonight. We've got loads. Here; eat. It'll warm you up."

Kaku picked at his muffin. "What do you fish plan on doing with me?"

Sora shrugged. "I dunno. That's for Captain Luffy to decide. You're one of those CP9 guys, right?"

The giraffe zoan nodded. "Yeah. I was your Torpedo's opponent."

"Tor- Oh! You mean Zoro! That's odd; given past history, if an enemy joined the crew they usually fought Sanji."

"No one ever said I was joining."

"You wouldn't be the first." Sora waved a hand dismissively. "We picked up Llama kind of by accident and Captain Luffy basically _threatened_ me, so… Or we could always pack you in a box and send you to Grandpa Garp."

"…I think I'll just stay in the laundry room, thanks."

Upon exiting the laundry room, Sora's breath fogged white in front of him. The _Thousand Sunny_ was surrounded by icebergs. Sora shivered and rushed to the men's cabin to grab his coat. It had a new addition that made him smile: a shimmering red maple leaf across the shoulders. Bluejay had been going a little crazy decorating things with scrap fabric lately.

"Where are we?" The rainbow serpent joined Nami as the navigator poured over charts.

"Near an unlabelled island." Nami pointed it out on the map. "The ice pack wasn't shown; I'll have to correct that."

Sora looked out across the frozen sea. Something was wrong. He was Canadian; he knew ice. And no ice he'd ever seen was capable of moving so straight and quickly across currents- and _against them_! "Nami… Where I come from, icebergs don't move like that."

"No, no they don't." Nami frowned at the frozen mountains that were shifting swiftly in various directions. They appeared to be creating a passage, herding the ship along and closing in behind.

Navigator and helms-dragon were about to alert Luffy when they heard Bluejay's voice ring out over the ship. "Usopp, get the balloon rig ready! Can't let our new ship get trapped in ice!"

"Aye-aye captain's little sister!"

"Oi!" Franky yelled as the pilot and sniper set up, "What're you doin' to my ship?"

Ghin sighed. "Believe it or not, they aren't hurting her. Usopp and the Donna are crazy tinkerers who love to fly; no respect for those of us who don't, but they can get us through here well enough."

"Really? SUPER!" The cyborg went to examine the balloon rig. Ghin pressed his forehead into his jar of dirt.

"Oh shit, not another one."

Sora laughed. Then he saw movement in the water. Something large was approaching fast. "Thingy to port!"

It happened too fast for anyone to react. The approaching wake burst free of the water and soared over the ship, a massive fish with fins like wings. As it passed, it snatched something from the _Sunny_ 's mainmast. Rather than diving back into the water, the fish continued on across the sky, its silver scales shining against the clouds. A patch of black showed stark against its head.

Chopper shrieked as the fish took off. "Our flag!"

Everyone looked up. Sure enough, the familiar black cloth was missing. A wave of anger crashed over the ship; Franky fell to the deck. Right, their new shipwright wasn't used to… whatever it was that happened when Ace and Luffy were angry. Sora spread his wings.

"I'll go after it."

"Alone?" Chopper's eyes shone with worry.

Luffy nodded. "Go Sora. We'll be right behind you. Blue, Usopp, get us in the air!"

Sora took off into the sky, tail whipping out to steer. The cold air bit at his wing membranes; his human blood may have been Canadian, but his fruit was still a desert reptile. Without the mass of a true dragon to support them, Sora's transformed limbs were highly susceptible to the cold. He hoped he didn't get frostbite from this. It had happened once or twice in the years he'd spent on Drum Island before meeting the Straw Hats; not fun at all.

 **LLAMA**

There was something familiar about the muffins Sora made. Llama couldn't stop thinking about them, even as the _Thousand Sunny_ turned to pursue the thieving fish. Icebergs moved to intercept them. Once the balloon was up and the fans spinning though, the ice ceased to be a problem. The air filled with a soft whirring noise as the Straw Hats once more became airship pirates.

Wrapping her scarf a little tighter, the demolitions expert swung up into the rigging. Maybe if someone had been up there, the fish wouldn't have been able to steal their flag. It was just… Straw Hat tradition was to take all meals together. None of them wanted to give that up.

As they approached a particularly large iceberg, Llama saw a ship boxed in by the pack. It had certainly seen better days- sails gone, hull scraped, any national flag or Jolly Roger it once bore long gone. The figurehead- a stylized phoenix- was pitted and cracked. Then she saw the signal flag they were flying: a plain, bright red scrap of cloth. Illness on board.

"Ship below!"

"No sails," Franky commented. "Wonder if they've been on the losing end of a Davy Back fight recently…"

Llama was wary as the _Sunny_ descended- she wouldn't put it past the battered ship to be a trap. But only a few men came out as the shadow of the brig-sloop passed over their vessel. Well, a few men and a young boy. All looked rather worse for wear. They also all bore battered weapons, wore ragged clothes, and had identical looks of surprise on their faces.

"Flying ship," the boy breathed with awe.

The _Thousand Sunny_ landed beside the broken ship with a splash. Chopper and Kaya were immediately at the rails. "Who's sick? Is there anything we can do to help?"

They were met with glares of suspicion from the men. The boy looked uncertain, biting his lip. Then… "It's our captain! He was badly hurt over a week ago and he's not getting better! I think he's got an infection- I don't know what to do…"

One of the men hit the boy over the head. "You shouldn't tell them that Jiro!"

"Why not? We can't get out of here _or_ save the captain! What's the harm in trying to get some help?"

"Even if they do help us, the captain won't make it. He's too far gone."

"Of course he'll make it! He's Phoenix Puzzle! He'll bounce back in no time, and then we can go get our flag back!"

Ace's eyes narrowed. "Your flag was stolen too?"

The boy- Jiro- nodded and ducked away from his crew mates. "Yeah. The Accino Family took it. We tried to get it back- that's when Captain Puzzle got hurt. Our first mate…" Here Jiro sniffled, holding back tears. "Our first mate Vigaro sacrificed himself so the rest of us could get away."

Robin raised an eyebrow. "So… These thieves are part of an organization that has no qualms about engaging pirates. I do hope Rainbow Thief will be alright on his own."

"He won't be alone long." Luffy looked around. "Blue, Sabo, Bon-chan, Sanji, Coby- you guys go after Sora and help him out. Chopper and Kaya, you two help the Puzzle Captain. Zoro, keep an eye on Kaku. The rest of us'll keep an eye out in case any more flag thieves come back."

When the nurse and doctor went to jump onto the Phoenix ship (or the _Burning Hope_ as a set of chipped letters proclaimed), they were at first blocked by one of the weary pirates. "We won't let you near our captain."

Chopper sputtered incoherently; Kaya frowned. Picking up the doctor and his bag, the nurse jumped down to land right in front of the scruffy, dreadlocked blond. When the man blocking her drew his sword, Kaya slipped past the blade with her Ghost Step and flicked him in the forehead. Llama had never seen the nurse's face look so stormy.

"Look here. If your captain is as badly injured as Jiro-san says, he needs a doctor. Chopper-san is a doctor and I'm a nurse; we can help. We _will_ help. As a health care professional, I swear we will not harm your captain. That said, the next person who stands in my way will be sedated."

There were no more protests. Jiro looked up at Kaya in awe as he led her and Chopper into a dark hold. The rest of the Phoenix crew stood frozen in fear, unsure of what to make of the delicate woman. Llama looked up at Usopp.

"Your girlfriend is amazing. I wish I could do that."

"She's terrifying," Zoro said bluntly, heading into the laundry room with Captain Snappy. Usopp stared dreamily into space.

"She's wonderful."

Coby, helping Franky and Bluejay quickly put some skates together, nodded. "Strong women are the best."

"Masochists," the cyborg chuckled. Both cabin boy and sniper turned bright red. Llama wondered what a masochist was, but also wasn't sure she wanted to ask. Or who would be safe if she did.

 **BLUEJAY**

Franky called us the Skate Squad as we took off over the ice. I was in the lead, Sabo, Bon-chan, Sanji, and Coby spread out behind me in a V. Like Canadian geese. The problem was tracking. How would we find Sora? He was flying; there were no footprints or anything to follow.

Schick, schick, schick. My ears perked up. In between the near-synchronized steps of my crew mates, I could hear someone else approaching. Actually, it sounded like it might be two someones. Soon after, Sabo-nii called out a warning.

"Two skaters approaching- one man, one woman. They appear hostile."

"What makes you think that?" Sanji asked. I could tell without looking at him that he was noodle-dancing; his voice always changed when he did that. "She's gorgeous."

"My big brother senses are tingling, and I don't think Blue's in danger from the ice."

"Throw Double Loop!" The skating woman was tossed into the air by her partner, spinning twice before landing and snapping her left foot out. I ducked just in time; Sanji was less lucky and took a skate blade to the chest.

"Flash Pi- Woah!" Coby tripped as he tried to defend our chef, stumbling across the ice to land on his face. Sabo-nii followed shortly after, blocking a spinning strike from the skating man only to slide off out of control. It was to be expected I guess. None of us were accustomed to fighting on ice. As far as I knew, this was Sabo's first time skating at all. He'd done well just to stand up straight and move fairly quickly.

"Who're you?" I demanded of the strangers. They skated around us in a circle before stopping in front of me and striking a pose. Their stop fired a wave of snow at my shins; I skipped backwards out of the way.

"Arabell and Salchow of the Accino Family. And you're more of those Straw Hats, like the troublesome flier who's after Lil's fish."

Well, at least Sora hadn't been caught or beaten yet. I took stock of my options. Coby and Sabo-nii couldn't skate well enough to fight on ice (I wasn't sure I could either, but at least I had a better chance). Sanji was a decent skater but refused to fight seriously against a woman. Bon-chan…

"How much skating experience do you have Bon-chan?"

"Enough." Our okama was unusually sombre. "But Birdie… I always played the girl roles while I was learning."

And I'd never had a partner on ice at all. The only experience I had throwing even on solid ground was Coby; usually I was the one being used as a projectile. I wasn't sure if I trusted Bon-chan to be my thrower with his lack of experience though. If only Sabo-nii was a better skater…

"Okay, this is our fight then. Hopefully I can remember enough to be useful." Unlikely. I'd only been in figure skating for two years before I came to this world, and they didn't teach toddlers anything fancy.

"Flying Camel!" Arabell jumped and spun at us, her free leg whipping around on level with my neck. Bon-chan and I skipped out of the way. At least Franky had thought to give us toe picks.

We were on the ropes for a while, only able to dodge. I watched the figure skaters carefully as they attacked us, trying to figure out their techniques. Hey, if Nii-chan and Coby could copy CP9… And I didn't _just_ have my opponents to learn from. I had four years of memories- figure skating competitions on television, hours of watching the older girls practice…

Finally I figured something out. Bunny hopping over Salchow's weaponized shoot-the-duck, I skidded to a stop beside Bon-chan. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course Birdie."

"Then hold on tight to my hand, bend your right leg, lift your left, and lean back. And I'm sorry if I bash your head on the ice; I've never done this before and you're a lot taller than me."

I grabbed Bon-chan's hand and skated backwards in a tight circle until I could dig my left pick in and pivot around it. Bon-chan leaned low, his head going even lower than his deeply bent knee, almost scraping the ice. His left leg swung up and out with our momentum. I spun us faster and faster, until Bon-chan's free leg swung through Arabell and Salchow's knees as they tried to attack us. "Back Outside Death Spiral!"

For all their ferocity as skaters, that one good hit was all it took. They were glass cannons- or rather, ice cannons. Arabell and Salchow flew headlong into a frozen crag. Sanji stared at Bon-chan and I in disbelief.

"That- that actually worked?"

"Yep." I grinned, still spinning. Until… "How do I stop?"

 **SORA**

He was so cold. That stupid flying fish was just ahead of him- he was slowly gaining ground- but he wasn't sure how long he could continue. His wings were starting to get frostbitten, not to mention how sore they were. Sora shivered. He wondered if it were possible to make some sort of wing gloves that would still allow him to fly.

The wind was getting stronger and the sky was growing dark. A blizzard was on the way. And the flying fish was diving right into it- of course. Sora called his scales to the surface to protect his skin from flying ice shards, even though it would make him more sensitive to the cold. And then the storm was upon him.

Stinging snow whipped into his eyes, making it impossible to see. Sora blinked rapidly to clear his vision. It failed. And the wind… His poor wings were straining with the effort of keeping level, and he had to whip his tail around constantly to maintain his course. It was exhausting. Sora knew that part of the problem was his transformations. He couldn't manage a proper zoan half-form yet, let alone a full transformation, so his wings were stunted. They were smaller than they should be, and the new muscles couldn't attach properly to unchanged bones.

He felt his altitude starting to drop. His wingbeats slowed. Sora tried to flap harder, his wings and back aching. Below him, a hole opened up in the storm. It showed nothing but black water. The zoan user suddenly felt very alone. If his wings failed, he would die. It hadn't occurred to him before. Sora was so used to being surrounded by his crew, his family. Here there was no Sabo, Zoro, or Sanji to fish him out if he fell in.

"No!" Sora grit his teeth and _pushed_. He couldn't die here! Brandy would kill him if he left Bluejay alone- even if she wouldn't really be. And the crew… Luffy would never forgive him if he failed to retrieve the flag.

A large hailstone smashed into Sora's flank; he rolled off to one side. Pain- it felt like fire flashing through his veins, spreading from the bruise on his ribs. Sora winced and stretched his wings out to stabilize himself. He swooped upwards just before he hit the sea. His secondary eyelid swept across, protecting his eyes from stinging snow. Wait- what?

Sora nearly fell out of the sky- he would have, had not flying suddenly become so much easier. Since when did he have a secondary eyelid? That was a thing predatory birds were born with, not humans. Then his wings swept down and the rainbow serpent gasped as he shot upwards. It was so easy now! His wings felt longer, larger, and yet they were easier to control. Still frostbitten though. And when Sora glanced back, his tail showed long, fine fins like secondary wings. His claws had appeared too, effortlessly and on their own. That _never_ happened when he had his wings, tail, and scales out before.

He'd lost sight of the flying fish. Before he could figure out where it had gone, however, Sora slammed into a wall of stone. Rough painted granite scraped against his face. "Ow…" Okay, with how many facial injuries he'd been subjected to in the last couple months, Sora was no longer surprised by ASLB's consistent scarring.

The zoan user dug his claws into cracks in the stone. Folding his wings in tight, Sora held on and prepared to wait out the storm in the lee of a window. At least, until he saw a familiar fish fly through said window. It didn't have the Straw Hat flag in it's mouth but where there was one fish, there might be others. Sora slipped through the window before it closed.

It led to a bathroom. As he entered, Sora caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He hadn't been imagining it- his wings were longer and his shoulders and back looked different. As well as the new fins on his tail, he had a pair of stubby black horns sticking out of his hair- though they were very hard to see. And unlike his previous partial transformations, this one felt natural.

"Yes!" Sora whooped. "Finally managed my half-form! And Kay-Kay's not here to see it…" The zoan user's face fell. He was sure his cousin would be impressed- that or she'd want an aerial piggyback ride. Maybe both…

An alarm sounded- someone had heard him. Sora raced through the halls, wings folded tight and tail dragging behind him. He managed to keep ahead of his pursuers, never seeing them, but he needed a place to hide and get his bearings. The zoan user ducked into a room with a closed door, shutting it softly again behind him. A half-dozen footsteps raced past seconds later.

Steam beaded on Sora's scales. He'd stumbled into some sort of sauna. The heat would've been oppressive if he'd been in his human form, but it didn't bother the half-form rainbow serpent at all. The humidity did though. It felt thick in his lungs d slick against his skin. Sora closed his secondary eyelids to keep condensation out of his eyes. They also helped protect him from the harsh, yellow light.

"You're not one of my children." A huge man shifted within the steam. Sora flinched. _Of course_ he would somehow wander into the big boss' room while he was on his own.

"No, no I'm not. I got lost in the storm and flew into your bathroom by mistake." Sora cringed as he used the Zoro excuse. Desperate times though…

"Mm. Well, come and have a drink with me then."

Something in the man's tone told Sora if he refused, he would be captured. So he approached the large man and sat down, accepting the bottle he was offered. The zoan user smiled inwardly, wondering what would've happened if Zoro had come after the flag instead of him. The Shrubbery would probably get some sort of enjoyment out of drinking with an enemy. That is, assuming the broken-compass first mate even made it to the castle.

It was pretty poor quality grog- something any Straw Hat would've thrown out. Sora wasn't much of a drinker at the best of times; he kind of wanted to spit it out. The zoan user distracted himself by trying to see through the steam. Behind his enormous companion, Sora could see a number of dark, colourful objects hanging on the wall. Details were impossible to make out though. Sora wondered if this was how Bluejay and Coby saw all the time without their glasses.

"So, you're a mythic zoan user, eh?"

"Yep. Rainbow serpent." No use trying to hide it; he was still in his half-form after all.

A flying fish fluttered into the room, black fabric held in its mouth. Sora froze. It was one thing to know this was the castle of an enemy, another to see the evidence in the fish's mouth. Putting down his grog, Sora slowly spread his wings. The large man across from him huffed.

"Please Rainbow Thief, I've known who you were the whole time. My family makes a point of keeping up to date on bounties and known Devil Fruit users. And this is my castle- where would you run?"

"Rin?" Sora grinned, showing sharp teeth. "I'm a Straw Hat- we don't _run_. All we do is move the fight to places that better suit our powers."

Two mighty wingbeats cleared the room of steam. Now Sora could see what was hanging on the back wall- flags. Most were pirate flags, but there were a few from merchant companies, bounty hunters… even small countries. The Straw Hat flag wasn't there- it was the one in the large man's hand.

Sora knew he was at a disadvantage indoors, even if it _wasn't_ his opponent's home. Both his mallet and his tail required a lot of space to maneuver. So he needed to get this man outside if he wanted a decent chance of stealing the flag back. Well… if this flag collection was as important as it appeared to be, maybe a little bit of Luffy-logic would work. Sora flicked his tail over to snag a couple of flags from the wall.

"Catch me if you can!" The zoan user ripped the door open and raced out into the hall. Scrambling back to the bathroom where he'd entered was faster than finding the main entrance, so he launched himself out the window. At least the storm seemed to be winding down.

 **LLAMA**

A hockey puck flew over her head as she was keeping watch. That… It wasn't a new thing, but it wasn't something she'd expected from this world. Still, it awakened old instincts. Llama turned to Franky. "Can you make another set of skates?"

"Sure Stick-sis! You want figure skates or hockey skates?"

Llama stared at the blue and white figure approaching across the ice. "Hockey."

"Alright, gimme a minute. You need a stick too?"

"No. I've already got one."

Five seconds later, the cyborg was done. He handed the skated to Llama sheepishly. "Sorry Stick-sis. I didn't have any dye to make them black."

"It's fine. Ace and Jay probably took it all anyways."

Llama hadn't skated in a while, but she hadn't lost what skills she had. She was Canadian after all- it would be embarrassing if she couldn't skate. Not that she'd ever played hockey herself, but now, when it looked like she was about to get into a brawl with a wannabe Maple Leaf, even a connection as circumstantial as her nation of birth was comforting. She was Canadian; she _couldn't_ lose this.

The demolitions expert jumped to the ice, her crew watching. The Phoenix Pirates stared too. "I thought they said they'd leave us alone if they caught whoever came to help us," a man with a mohawk whispered.

"That was before the Straw Hats invaded our castle!" Despite the comment being so quiet, the hockey player heard it. "Daddy sent us to stop them before they sent reinforcements!"

Oh- he wasn't alone. Two huge twins appeared out of the snow, one dressed in red and the other in blue. "We'll defeat you with the power of our brotherly love!"

"Brotherly love, eh?" Ace and Luffy jumped down beside Llama, hands on their hats. "I guess that means it's our fight."

"Yosh! Let's kick their asses!"

Llama rushed forwards and checked the hockey player away from the ships. He staggered in surprise, not expecting someone so much smaller than him to be so aggressive on the ice. The demolitions expert whipped out her stick. It wasn't actually a hockey stick- actually, it would be much more suited to ringette- but it would work well enough.

She frowned. "I wish Jay were here…"

"What, getting cold feet?" the hockey player taunted. Llama shook her head.

"No. She's just better at singing than I am." The tiny girl tapped her stick on the ice to establish a beat. This wasn't something she would normally do, but the situation… It had to be done, and with Bluejay gone, the task fell to her.

 _Hello out there_

 _We're on the air_

 _It's hockey night tonight_

 _Tension grows_

 _The whistle blows_

 _As the puck goes down the ice_

 _The goalie jumps_

 _And the players bump_

 _And the fans all go insane_

 _Someone roars "Bobby scores!"_

 _At the good old hockey game_

"What?"

Llama made a face. She didn't usually sing in front of people- too embarrassing- but she couldn't _not_ sing _The Hockey Song_. It was tradition! She was soon distracted from her musings though- a hockey puck exploded just left of her, flash freezing the area into great spikes. The demolitions expert narrowed her eyes. So he wanted to play that way, did he?

"Nova Shootout!" Llama dropped her bombs one by one, firing them at her target using her stick. He dodged and retaliated with more flash-freeze pucks, which Llama avoided in turn. The air was filled with explosions and the scratching of blades on ice.

Panting, the hockey player glared at Llama. "You're good. But you'll never escape my ultimate technique. Number of Greatness: 99!"

What that was supposed to do, Llama had no clue. It was just a bunch more pucks fired at once, some volatile and some regular. There were ninety-nine of them sure, but that was all. The tiny demolitions expert slipped through the rain of pucks. Then she ducked and slid sideways when her opponent tried to check her, tripping him with her stick.

"No luck, Gretzky-wannabe." Llama circled her prey quickly, delivering a stick to the groin to keep him down. "Not that I expect that means anything to you. But you never stood a chance. I'm Canadian; we _invented_ hockey."

Her opponent looked confused, which was what Llama was going for. She dropped a couple of Green Stars on him. Not even all the thick padding he wore could protect him from the acidic explosion. "By the way, I don't even play hockey usually. Just watch. But even I know better than to expect a win when I'm wearing Toronto's colours."

Not far away, the twins were doing very poorly against Ace and Luffy. They seemed to use magnetic powers, attracting and repelling each other to gain momentum for their attacks. The problem they were having was that all their attacks were physical blunt force. No matter what they did, they just bounced off Luffy and flew through Ace. The firecracker was getting annoyed by having large men constantly passing through his head.

"Lu! Quit playing around already!"

"Shishishi! Okay!" Luffy grabbed Ace's hands and grinned, planting his own feet in the ice and winding up his torso. "Here's our version of brotherly love: Gomu-Gomu no Ace!"

The brothers morphed into a spinning wheel of flames. Being lifted and spun allowed Ace to use his powers without fear of melting through the ice. By the time the technique was over, the magnetic twins were burnt beyond recognition. Ace sneered.

"Tch. Too easy." Then he frowned. "Wait… Did I just sound like Zoro?"

"As long as you don't start navigating like him, you're good!" Nami called down from the _Sunny_ 's rail

"Um, guys?" Conis' voice quavered with uncertainty. "We have a problem. Look down." The angel pointed at the waterline.

Everyone looked. Both the _Thousand Sunny_ and the _Burning Hope_ were stuck in the ice. The pattern of spray and spikes indicated that it was Llama's opponent and his flash-freeze hockey pucks that had done this. Llama shrunk into her scarf.

"Oops. Sorry…"

"It's okay!" Luffy assured her. "Ace can just melt us out!"

"Yeah, but it'll take a while. I have to be careful or else I'll burn the ships."

Usopp bit his lip. "So all our hopes for getting our flag back are on Sora and the Skate Squad?"

"You're doomed," giggled a little girl from the _Sunny_ 's tire swing. Everyone jumped.

"WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?!"

"My brothers brought me, then forgot. Again." The little girl pouted. "They never do _anything_ with me anymore. My sister neither, ever since she married that stupid Salchow…"

Robin knelt beside the little girl. "Would you like us to take you home-?"

"Lil. My name's Lil." Lil shook her head. "I don't wanna go home yet; it's no fun there. Play with me?"

"Okay Lil. I'm Robin. What would you like to play?"

"Hmm… Snakes and Ladders!"

Nami, Usopp, and Conis joined Robin in playing with Lil to try and get some information out of her. Six would be too many though, so Llama decided to help Zoro keep an eye on Kaku instead. She'd considered trying to help Ace melt the ships free, but… Yeah, explosives weren't a good choice for that. The sounds of crackling flames and dripping water filled the air as the sky began to grow purple with twilight.

 **BLUEJAY**

Why was I not surprised? Once I'd managed to stop spinning and help Bon-chan up, the Skate Squad very quickly managed to find a castle among the ice flows. It stood on an atoll that was bright and green, an oasis of warmth amidst the cold. I opened my coat, my companions following suit. We quickly took off our skates to run across the grassy area rather than going around. The unusual warmth seemed to be emanating from the castle itself rather than being a feature of the island's geography.

A rainbow missile in a Hawaiian shirt exploded out one of the castle's front windows, crashing down into me full force. Sora and I tumbled across the ground in a bruised heap. I shook my head to clear out my dizziness. When I hauled my cousin to his feet, he was much heavier than usual.

"Oh good, we found you. Have you got our flag back yet?" Sabo-nii tugged at his cravat. He must've been so hot in all his layers.

"No, not yet." Sora grinned and spread his wings. "Hey Kay-Kay, notice anything different about me?"

Wings, tail, scales, fangs, claws, horns… A different muscle structure in his back? "You finally managed your half-form?"

"Yep!" Sora winced as a corpulent giant of a man emerged from the castle's front gate. "Oops, forgot about him for a minute."

I saw our flag in the huge man's hand- now that I thought about it, Sora had the flags of a few other crews wrapped around the tip of his tail. I raised my eyebrows; my cousin followed my gaze.

"Oh! Those. He collects flags, so I stole some to lure him outside where I have room to maneuver."

"Congratulations. It worked."

The enormous man moved to attack us while we were talking; Sanji blocked him with a kick. "Oi! You called dibs on this one Sora, or can I?"

"I'm on it, I'm on it. Can someone try to grab the flag before it gets damaged though?" My cousin spun his mallet in his hands. Coby grinned.

"Leave it to me Sora-san."

My cousin and my boyfriend rushed the giant man at the same time. His lumbering bulk made it difficult for him to dodge. Sora smashed his mallet into his opponent's leg with a gravelly roar. "Knee Crusher!"

"Urgh!" The towering man staggered. There was no snap of bone though; he was a tank. Then his skin began to glow red and steam. Beside me, Sanji frowned.

"He's got something like the shitty captain's Gear Second?"

"No." I could feel the air growing muggy. The heat quickly became oppressive, making it difficult to breathe. "No, I think he's more like Ace. Something to do with heat."

"Clever girl," the giant man boomed. "Don Accino, eater of the Atsu-Atsu no Mi. And you're Red Talons of the Straw Hat Pirates. I'm surprised you and Blue Dragon aren't engaging me personally."

I stuck my tongue out. "Sora and Coby are more than enough to get our flag back from you!"

Sora swung his tail up to slap Don Accino on the side of the head, bringing his mallet in for another Knee Crusher at the same time. The massive man retaliated with a heavy palm strike that sent my cousin tumbling to the edge of the island. Sora spread his wings and jumped to avoid falling into the sea.

When my cousin flew back to reengage Don Accino, there was a flash of pink at ground level. "Hermes!"

Coby reappeared by Sabo-nii seconds later, reeling from maintaining speed for so long. He had our Jolly Roger clutched in one burned hand. The burn wasn't a bad one- barely enough to blister- but it still made me angry. Accino had hurt what was _mine_.

"Kick his ass Sora!"

My cousin grinned in response. "Already working on it! He's a little hard to kick though; even my scales don't do very well once things go over a hundred Celsius."

A super-heated palm strike caught Sora in the chest. He hissed in pain. Then he swung his mallet up and brought it down hard on Don Accino's head. "Back Breaker!"

"Grk!" The corpulent man staggered under the weight of the blow. Then he grabbed Sora by the tail.

"YEOW!" I could hear sizzling from the new, delicate membranes on my cousin's tail. Sora squirmed, twisting until he could slam his mallet into meaty hands. Don Accino released him with a gasp of pain.

"You little-!"

"Knee Crusher! Back Breaker!" When those two heavy blows failed to have any significant effect, Sora closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Grand Slam!" Spinning to gain momentum, my cousin smashed his mallet into Don Accino's face with all his might.

 **LLAMA**

It was dark by the time Ace got the ships free- too dark to navigate the ice flows. Llama emerged from the laundry room when she heard the majority of the crew gathering for a meeting. Chopper and Kaya had just gotten back from treating Phoenix Puzzle. The pair looked exhausted.

"He's stable," the reindeer doctor reported. "We managed to flush out the infection- finally- and gave him a shot of antibiotics just to be sure. With rest, he should be up and about in a week or so."

"Jiro-kun did a good job on Puzzle-san's stitches," Kaya added. "It's a pity we had to take them out to clean everything."

"So they'll be okay if we leave them?" Luffy asked.

"Yes."

"Good." Luffy looked out over the ice flows. "I wanna go get our flag now…"

"Worried Rainbow Thief won't be able to manage on his own?" Robin asked. Lil the intruder was now curled up on her lap, fast asleep.

"No, I trust Sora. Just hate staying still while other people do stuff." Luffy bounced to emphasize his point.

Llama nodded. She wanted to get moving too. Not that it wasn't fun watching Captain Snappy torment Kaku… Actually, that was hilarious. The giraffe zoan screamed higher than Usopp when the raptor chewed on his pants.

Commotion down on the _Burning Hope_ drew the Straw Hats' attention. A tall, red-haired man had staggered onto the deck, waving off every attempt by his crew to support him. A massive scar in the shape of a bird spread over his face; it looked like an old burn.

"Puzzle!" Jiro cheered. The captain of the Phoenix Pirates shot him a wan smile. Defeat creased the red-haired man's face.

"Hey Jiro."

"You shouldn't be up yet Captain," one of the older pirates said. Puzzle shrugged.

"I'll be fine." Looking around, Puzzle noted the lack of flag on the _Thousand Sunny_. "The Accinos got you too, eh?"

Luffy nodded. "Yeah. Sora went after them; Sabo, Blue, Sanji, Coby'n Bon-chan shoulda caught up by now I think."

Captain Puzzle's eyes widened. "You need to call them back! Six pirates can't beat the Accino Family!"

"Really?" Luffy picked his nose and looked down at the twins and hockey player lying charred and unconscious on the ice. "They don't seem that tough."

Puzzle shook his head. "Even if you defeat his children, Don Accino himself is on a different level. He ate the Atsu-Atsu no Mi; it allows him to control his body temperature up to a thousand degrees."

The Phoenix Pirates looked stunned; Jiro had tears leaking down his face. "Captain… Does that mean you're not gonna try to get our flag back?"

"We've already tried once and failed. We lost…" Puzzle shook his head sadly. "I won't risk it again. As soon as dawn comes, we're getting out of here- getting to a safe island- and then… And then I'm disbanding the Phoenix Pirates."

"WHAT?!" Cue a massive jaw drop from Puzzle's crew. Jiro's tears came harder and faster.

"You can't do that! You're Phoenix Puzzle! You rise from the ashes stronger each time; you _can't_ give up…"

The red-haired captain hung his head. "This is different- I've never _failed_ before. My recklessness cost us a crew mate…"

Llama's head began to throb. The pressure coming off her captain was almost unbearable. When she looked over at him, Luffy's eyes were blazing under his hat. Gone was the air of mixed confidence and concern that he'd had when talking about their away team. Instead there was crackling anger. Down on the _Burning Hope_ , Puzzle's crew shook and fell to their knees. Several, including Jiro, fainted.

"Your first mate didn't sacrifice himself for you to _give up_." Each of Luffy's words was like a punch in the gut- Llama flinched, and they weren't even directed at her. "He did it so you would live to _fight again_. He sacrificed himself for you cause you're _friends_. Or at least, he thought you were. Giving up just spits on what he did."

Puzzle glared at Luffy. "You have no idea- no idea the odds against us. A small pirate crew can't just challenge an organized crime family."

"Don't tell me the odds!" Luffy snapped. Llama wondered if he knew what odds were, or if he just said that because it sounded cool. "We kicked _government_ ass to get Robin back."

That earned a soft gasp from Puzzle. The red-haired captain chuckled darkly and looked away. "You know just what to say to get under someone's skin, don't you Straw Hat?"

"No. I'm just telling the truth."

"You remind me of my older brother." Puzzle smiled crookedly as he looked back at Luffy. "He was always crazier than me. Paid off in the end though, even if he _was_ down an arm last time I saw him. Got hurt saving a kid while he was on vacation."

Luffy cocked his head to one side, anger tinged with thoughtful nostalgia. "Red hair… Hey old man, is your brother's name Shanks?"

"Yes. Red-Haired Shanks, one of the Yonko, is my older brother. Like I said, you remind me of him. Even have the right hat."

"That's cause he gave me his hat. I'm the kid he saved." Luffy's frown deepened. "Shanks would be disappointed to hear his little brother give up."

"He would indeed." It was as if a weight lifted from Puzzle's shoulders. The scarred captain stood up straighter; his eyes shone. "Alright Straw Hat. You've got me. Bring me with you; I'll try again to get my crew's flag back."

"If you're really Shanks' brother, you'll do it or die. No trying."

Puzzle paled momentarily, but held firm. "You're right. There's no point in just trying- success or death."

As Luffy calmed down, the Phoenix Pirates slowly got back to their feet. Most of them were smiling. A dazed Jiro leapt up and hugged Puzzle from behind. "You don't have to go alone Captain."

"Yes, I do. I don't want to risk you as well."

"We don't mind. It's _our_ flag too; what kind of friends would we be if we made you fight alone?"

Speechless, Puzzle stared at his crew. Tears glinted at the corners of his eyes. His hands trembled as he buried his face in them. "Jiro… Everyone… Thank you."

One of Puzzle's men looked out over the ice flows. "So we'll head out in the morning then?"

That _was_ a problem with having two ships. Alone, the _Thousand Sunny_ could have flown over the ice pack on a search. The _Burning Hope_ could not. And while Franky and Usopp could probably build a second heater-and-prop rig in minutes, the most important part- the balloon- took a full day even with Bluejay and Bon-chan present to speed up sewing.

Luffy looked pained at having to wait. Then Franky laughed and waved a hand. "Aw, there's no need to wait that long Phoenix-bro. Gimme a minute. Ace, Usopp, gimme a hand."

Well, that was unusual. Llama could see the logic in having Usopp help with gadgeteering, but Ace? The firecracker had no patience for science. Although he was getting better about that, now that he'd realized most other logias weren't harmed by his powers.

About ten minutes later the _Sunny_ rocked violently backwards. From the bow came Ace's shout. "I told you, anything I can do that melts ice _that_ far away has a Hell of a kickback! What made you think a modified cannon would be any different?"

"Sorry Fire-bro. But we gotta know what works and what doesn't."

Wait- they were trying to melt the ice rather than go around or over it? Llama smiled into her scarf. She knew how to do that! It was a good thing she'd had so much time to work on her explosives since Ennies Lobby. The demolitions expert ran to the bow and handed Ace a bomb marked with a white F.

"Here. Try throwing this."

"Huh? Okay." Ace tossed the explosive at an iceberg off the port bow. There was a tremendous flash of white, then the iceberg was just _gone_. In its place was a cloud of steam. Ace blinked in surprise.

"That one of your Whitefires?"

"Yep."

A manic grin split Ace's face. "How many do you have?"

"Lots." Llama pulled out a mound of bombs. Franky's jaw dropped at their sheer number; he stared at her in awe.

"Where do you keep all those Stick-sis?"

"In the same place you keep your pants and Zoro keeps his sense of direction."

That made the cyborg laugh. Llama left her bombs for Ace and Usopp to use, running back to tell Luffy that they could move soon. The rubber captain nodded and beamed. "Okay! Conis, Ghin, tie up the people we beat and put them in the lab"

"Why not put them in the laundry room with Kaku?" the tattoo artist wanted to know. Luffy made a face.

"Cause we're not _keeping_ these ones, duh!"

Soon enough, the _Sunny_ and the _Hope_ set off through the ice pack, a vanguard of explosions protecting them from the flows. They picked up two more prisoners- a pair of battered figure skaters- along the way. Puzzle was an invaluable guide, directing Nami towards the Accino stronghold of Lovely Land. Although the decreasing size and eventual disappearance of ice flows was a good clue as well. By the time they reached the island where the castle stood, the air was warm and balmy.

Llama wasn't sure what she expected from Puzzle's dread of Don Accino. Although it certainly wasn't a half-dragon Sora sitting on an unconscious giant of a man while Bluejay mended a pile of damaged flags and the rest of the Skate Squad took turns raiding the castle for supplies. Then again, by Straw Hat standards she supposed it wasn't that odd.

 **BLUEJAY**

"Hi guys!" I waved as the _Thousand Sunny_ and _Burning Hope_ approached. Everyone waved back- although the Phoenix Pirates seemed to be in a bit of a daze. I didn't blame them. Our crew could be a bit much to deal with when you weren't used to us.

Coby appeared beside me with the last of the flags from Don Accino's sauna. It was a large collection- daunting, although most of them didn't need much in the way of repairs. The myriad colours of cloth made me sad though. How many crews- pirate, bounty hunter, or otherwise- had lost their flags here, their pride? We couldn't return all of them; some of the crews probably didn't even exist anymore.

Sensing my mood, my boyfriend hugged me from behind as I sewed. I leaned back against Coby's chest; he sighed. "What are you going to do with them Bluejay-san?"

"Dunno. Not sure that it feels righto do anything really."

Resting his chin on my head, Coby hummed thoughtfully. "A number of them aren't even pirates… There's cruise lines, merchant companies, a couple of small countries… I bet the marines would love to have these guys locked up. They've probably been preying on this region for years, all for their father's collection."

"Such a good little soldier, thinking of what the marines would want." I twisted around to give Coby a quick kiss. A tremendous wave of heat washed over us from the direction of the _Sunny_. Ace had seen. "Unfortunately, we can't turn these creeps in without risking capture ourselves. Best we can do is maroon them somewhere."

Luffy bounced up, making faces at us. "Did you _have_ to kiss? I was right beside Ace when he lit up; it was _hot_."

"Sorry Nii-chan." I picked our flag out of the 'mended' pile and handed it to my brother, along with the Phoenix Pirates'. He nodded his thanks. Then…

"Now what?" Nii-chan asked with a pout. "The lab's full of guys in skates- Llama and Kya'll get mad if they damage anything. Plus I don't wanna drag a bunch of prisoners around everywhere."

"We could maroon them somewhere."

Coby played with my ponytail. "Or… Could we send them to Grap-san? He doesn't seem corrupted like some marines- seems to even go off the other way, from what he said to Dragon-san. Would _he_ lock them up?"

My brother and I flinched as we thought about it. "He would," I said slowly, "But he would try to catch us too."

"What if he _couldn't_ catch us?"

Nii-chan's face lit up at Coby's suggestion. "You mean like if Ace rocketed us away again? That might work!"

"Except we have no idea where Gramps is right now," I pointed out. My brother deflated.

"Oh. Right."

I thought for a few minutes. "We could call him," was my eventual conclusion. "His ship has to be within a certain distance from Water Seven still- he can't travel faster than we can. If we got some coordinates or something, Nami could probably get us there."

"That'll take too long!" Luffy whined, draping himself over me and Coby. My boyfriend shoved my brother off with a small frown.

"Couldn't we fly? Would that get us there any faster?"

"Our flying rig is actually slower than sailing most days," I informed Coby with a shake of my head. "Useful, but slower. And trying a prolonged rocket with Ace-nii might damage the balloon."

Then Luffy's face lit up again. "Ne, Sora can fly faster than the _Sunny_ , right Blue?"

"Much. Why?" I watched as a shit-eating grin crossed my rubber brother's face. He didn't have to say anything- although he made hand gestures for "parachute" and "landing craft" anyway. I looked at the flags I'd been mending.

"Coby, could you get me something to make a frame? Preferably aluminum or similar- something light, but strong."

 **SORA**

The kite was an awkward but brilliant device. It trailed behind him as he flew, carrying the unconscious Accino family. Sora had to maintain a certain speed to keep the kite in the air- he'd learned that the hard way, when he'd tried to glide and rest his wings only to find that the kite had stopped generating lift and was suddenly yanking hard on his waist. He'd barely managed to get back up to speed before he was dragged down into the ocean.

Thankfully Garp's ship wasn't actually that far from the ice pack surrounding Lovely Land. With the directions Nami had given him it only took Sora a few hours to find the marines. It gave the rainbow serpent ample time to get used to his half-form- which he was pleased to note didn't tire of flying the way his patchwork ones had.

"Special delivery for Vice-Admiral Monkey D Garp!" Sora released a catch on his lead cable as he flew over the familiar ship, dropping the Accinos on deck. It made the kite much lighter, light enough that even if he lost lift the weight wouldn't take him down.

Of course, he stopped on the top bar of the marines' mainsail, so Sora had other issues as he rested and stretched his wings. Namely a number of muskets- and one bow and arrow- aimed at him. Hoping to distract the marines, Sora dropped the bundle of non-pirate flags that the Accinos had stolen down to the deck. "And for Brandy and Camy Krauss- seven sneaky crooks and evidence of their wrongdoing."

Sora felt a little bad about delivering the sedated Lil to the marines along with the rest of her family- or he had until learning that the little girl was the one who controlled the thieving flying fish. Besides, the marines could place her in foster care or something to help sort out her abandonment issues.

The bow and arrow- Camy- fired. Sora squawked and just barely managed to block with his mallet. "What was that for?" the rainbow serpent demanded of his cousin. "I wasn't doing anything wrong! Hell, I was catching and delivering guys you _marines_ should've gone after long ago."

Camy grinned. "Aw, don't be mad. I knew you'd block it."

"How could you possibly know?! We haven't sparred in two years, and no way could I have done that before joining the Straw Hats!"

Brandy appeared before Camy could respond, tapping him on the shoulder. When the hunter turned to face his sister, she drove her knee up into his crotch. Camy went down like a tree. All of the male marines near Brandy flinched and edged away.

Crouching down, the blonde woman examined the flags Sora had dropped. Then hazel-grey eyes went wide. "Vice-Admiral Garp! The Straw Hat Pirates have found, neutralized, and delivered a gang that's been causing numerous disappearances in this area over the last ten years!"

Garp emerged from his cabin to look at the Accinos and the flag collection. "Huh. So they did. Aren't my adorable grandkids wonderful, sending presents to their dear old grandpa?"

Approximately half the marines present facepalmed; the other half laughed. Brandy rolled her eyes and looked back up at Sora. "Can you at least convince that crazy crew of yours to accept a position as Shichibukai, of you and Kay-Kay have to be pirates? Since you're apparently helping us with our job anyway…"

"Nope." Sora grinned and waved his tail. "Captain Luffy would never serve the government, and some of the others… Besides, it's not like we _mean_ to do your job for you- it just happens. Maybe if the marines were more competent…"

Sora suddenly found himself having to dodge thrown cannonballs and angry sparrows. Garp and Brandy were _livid_. He probably shouldn't have said what he did. Well, it was too late now. The rainbow serpent took to the air, gaining as much altitude as he could. It made the cannonballs less likely to reach him, though the sparrows still came. It was quite the struggle to escape with the cargo kite still intact. Since he was sure Garp would try to follow him, Sora made sure to quickly shred the marines' sails on his way up before heading back to the _Thousand Sunny_. He heard Garp's angry shouting the whole way.

 **xXx**

Three days later, a new bounty poster came out with the morning news. The article accompanying it was a mix of angry ranting and an exaggerated account of Sora single-handedly assaulting a company of marines. Below the picture, instead of the usual "wanted: dead or alive," the poster said "wanted alive by Vice-Admiral Garp." No one in the crew laughed; Ace even patted Sora's back in a brief show of pity when the helmsman paled.

Rainbow Thief Sora Verne 43,000,000


	29. We Wish You a Merry Christmas

**Bluejay: Sorry we're taking so long about Thriller Bark guys. It's a long chapter, and we've got various school things going on as well as illnesses and such. Plus there were a couple scenes early on that weren't working out and had to be rewritten before the rest would come together. Unfortunately, we've posted all our buffer chapters and have now returned to an update rate of "whenever the next chapter happens to get done." So until we're done with Thriller Bark, please enjoy this holiday special and have a happy Yule.**

 **In other news, our version of Dragon is a huge, adorable dork. Careful, oh great and powerful revolutionary leader, your relation to Garp and Luffy is showing. *grins* Such a sap…**

It had been warm and sunny for the past week, so when I woke up freezing, I was understandably surprised. Shivering, I cuddled into Ace-nii. That in turn led to Nii-chan edging closer until he was pressed against my back, and Sabo-nii rolling over to lie across the three of us. Our blankets- yes, we had them, despite typically sleeping in a heap of four- had been thrown across the room at some point in the night.

Sanji's voice rang out, alerting me to the time. "Ladies and shitheads, breakfast is served!"

The response was instant. Luffy leapt to his feet and raced out of the cabin, taking off for the galley at a speed that would give Coby a run for his money. Ace was up a second later, throwing Sabo across the room and depriving me of my heater. Sabo and I were slower. We were still eager though, shivering as we ran through the ship. Breakfast meant food- _warm_ food. Preferably with warm drinks to go with it.

There were indeed warm drinks waiting for us in the galley, as well as bacon, eggs, and cinnamon rolls. Nii-chan and I grabbed mugs and slid into our spots while Sabo-nii rescued Ace-nii from drowning in the sink- our eldest brother had tripped over a bucket in his hurry and tumbled entertainingly across the galley. Coby entered at exactly that moment and stared. Instead of apologizing like I would've thought, my boyfriend giggled and slid in beside me, kissing me on the cheek before starting on his breakfast. I raised an eyebrow.

"Did you do that… on purpose?"

"No. But with the number of times Ace-san's threatened me, I think I'm allowed to laugh at something like this."

"Fair enough." I scarfed down my food and sipped at my drink, eager to get outside and see if there was snow to play in. The cocoa tasted funny though, not like cocoa at all. And from the look on his face, Nii-chan's was the same.

My leg started to twitch and bounce. I suddenly had way too much energy. By the time Sabo sat across from me, I could barely sit still. My blond brother pulled out his logbook as he ate, flipping to an empty page to record the date and weather. He paused when he noticed that Luffy and I were both bouncing and shaking. "Lu, Blue… Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't we be?"

Nii-chan nodded enthusiastically, then pouted. "Our cocoa tasted funny, but it was still good."

A look of horror crossed Sabo's face; I wondered why. Then I caught a glimpse of the date out of the corner of my eye. "Verdammt ficken Sheisse! Sabo-nii, why didn't you tell us it was December 23rd?"

"Wha- oh no. Oops; I forgot."

On the other side of the table, Ace-nii looked up from his eggs in a panic. "It's that close to Christmas already?" He reached across and hit Sabo over the head. "You're supposed to remind me earlier!"

"Sorry, sorry…" Sabo-nii rubbed his head. "I've been a little distracted lately, okay? Writing about all our adventures takes time."

"That doesn't change that we've got a Code Sleigh Bells and only two days to work on it!" Ace shot Luffy and I a dirty look. "And a Code Double-Double too, by the looks of it."

Sanji and Coby stared at Ace and Sabo in confusion as the rest of the crew walked in. "What's a Code Double-Double?"

Almost as soon as the words left their mouths, Ace and Sabo jumped up and hit Sanji over the head, sending him crashing into the floor. This was the first time the cook had been struck like that, so he was understandably surprised.

"Merde! What was that for Shitheads?!"

"You gave Lu and Blue coffee!" My eldest two brothers wore comically panicked expressions. I didn't understand why- we weren't _that_ bad. Nii-chan and I continued to bounce throughout breakfast, occasionally snatching bacon from someone's plate. It was easier than usual; the cold seemed to be making everyone slow and sleepy.

Sanji, meanwhile, seemed to share Ace and Sabo's opinion. He looked at our mugs and let out a comic groan. "Shit. Shit, shit, shit. They grabbed the cups meant for Sabo and Robin-swan." Our cook then proceeded to bash his head against a cupboard, muttering about not watching closely enough.

When everyone was done eating, Sabo-nii rubbed his temples and fixed Nii-chan and I with an exasperated gaze. "Okay, I know what to do. Lu, Blue… We have two days until Christmas. You need to make presents and cards for Dad, Dadan, Makino, Magra, Dogra, and Gramps. They have to be done before tomorrow afternoon so we can send them off with the late News Coo. Okay?"  
"Yosha!" I snapped a salute, beaming. "You can count on us Sabo-nii! If we don't have six gifts ready by tomorrow afternoon, I'll run five hundred laps around the deck while carrying one of Zoro's weights!" Reaching to my left, I grabbed Luffy's hand and dragged him out of the galley after me. "Come on Nii-chan! You've gotta make the cards!"

"Yosh!"

The two of us ran for our family cabin and locked ourselves in. This would be an undertaking of epic proportions- we'd never had to make gifts so quickly before. And though Sabo hadn't mentioned it, we had more than six to do. After all, we needed to make things for everyone on the crew too. Our family wasn't nearly as small as it had once been. I grabbed some red and green wool, getting an immediate start on a scarf for Dad. Beside me, Luffy pulled out a box of crayons and a stack of paper to start doodling.

 **SORA**

Was it just his imagination, or had there been a sunset in the background when Bluejay and Luffy held hands? But that was impossible; it was dawn. Sora shook his head; clearly he hadn't slept enough last night. Then he looked askance at Sabo.

"What was that for, exactly? They're just a little hyper; it'll wear off in an hour or so. You didn't need to send them away like that."

The blond shook his head. "They'll actually be strung up all day, but that's not the main issue. Ace and I need time to make their gifts, which we can't do with them breathing down our necks- which would surely happen as soon as those two got bored. We also need time to make Ace a new costume, since we left the old one at home so they wouldn't see it in the _Moon Boat_."

"Costume?" Sora was pretty sure he was missing something here. From the looks on their faces, everyone else was too.

Ace sighed and flicked and idle fireball at Coby. The cabin boy dodged and hid behind Franky. "Lu and Blue still believe in Santa. It's my turn to play the part."

Everyone stared. Conis frowned and cleared her throat. "Um… Luffy's seventeen and Bluejay's fourteen, right? Isn't that a little old? Why haven't you told them yet?"

Blue eyes met grey; two faces turned red. "They're just… so cute… You wouldn't be able to tell them either. Just wait; you'll see in a couple days."

A couple of days… Christmas. Sora sighed, wishing he could spend the holidays with Vivi. Oh well, he would just have to call her. A good, long call. And he knew just what to make her. The rainbow serpent made his way down to the workroom. Usually that part of the ship was the domain of Franky and Usopp, but not that soon before Christmas. Instead, Sora was joined by Ace, Sabo, and Conis. He understood the first two- they wanted to make things for Luffy and Bluejay- but what was the psychologist there for?

The angel giggled, correctly reading Sora's look and answering his question before he opened his mouth. "I want to send my father some things. Usopp showed me how to make a rubber band powered toy boat the other day; I'm sure my father would love one."

Sora shrugged and hummed as he got to work. He could see the necklace he was making in his mind- a hundred links of golden chain, fifty silver bells, and fifty tiny seed pearls. It was delicate and time consuming work. The rainbow serpent wasn't even sure where most of the materials had come from; Kaya had found them in his pockets one day when she went to do laundry. His need to pick up shiny things was getting a little out of hand. Except they were pirates, so a minor case of kleptomania- or hoarding, or whatever this was- was to be expected.

" _Silver bells, silver bells_

 _It's Christmas time in the city_

 _Ring-a-ling, hear them ring_

 _Soon it will be Christmas day"_

 **LLAMA**

It was about three hours after breakfast when Luffy bounced up to where she sat in the rigging. Llama ignored him until he spoke, too absorbed in the tiny device in her hands. Dark eyes stared over her shoulder for a whole thirty seconds before the captain grew bored. "Ne, Llama, what're you doing?"

"Playing _Super Mario_." Llama turned off the game and put it away. "It's a thing from my world; Franky rewired it for me so it runs on cola."

"Oh. Cool." Luffy picked his nose and wiped the resulting boogers on a sail.

"Weren't you with Jay making Christmas gifts?"

"Yeah, but cards don't take long." The rubber captain hung upside down and swung around like the monkey he was named. "Blue won't let me help anymore cause I can't knit or anything. So I was gonna decorate. Can you change a bunch of cannonballs to red and green for Christmas balls?"

Was he kidding? That would be a ridiculous number of colours! She could only hold enough to decorate the whole ship for… thirty seconds or so. Probably. She'd been doing some training lately, but it was slow going. Llama shook her head. Then she smiled.

"No. I couldn't hold them for any meaningful time. But I have something better. Leave the decorating to me Captain."

"Okay…" Luffy swung around so he was sitting upright again. "I'm still bored though."

And trembling with barely contained energy Llama could see even when she wasn't looking at him. Well, everyone else was busy right now- or at least claimed to be- so she supposed it was up to her to entertain the hyper captain. Also, Sanji deserved green hair for a week for the coffee. It would be festive.

"Well… If you're that bored, you could help me put the lights up?"

"Okay!" Luffy bounced eagerly. Then he paused, a thoughtful look coming over his face. "Wait… We have Christmas lights?"

"Of course." Llama pulled out several strings of lights and handed them to her captain. He stared at them in amazement.

"Where do you keep these?"

"In the same place I keep my stick."

"And where's that?"

"In my Christmas spirit."

Llama couldn't even keep track of what happened next. It was like watching the Flash TV show- John Wesley Shipp had been funny, but she remembered as many blurred speed lines as jokes. In the end, Luffy somehow managed to get himself tied up in the ends of three light strings, hanging from the mizzen mast like some strangely festive piñata. It was both amusing and sad. The demolitions expert spent the next half hour untangling her captain.

"Just… how?" Llama had no other words. Luffy beamed.

"There was a knot, and it kept me from finding the plug, so I tried to untie it. But then I tripped over that one, and the _Sunny_ dropped another one on me and pulled!"

Looking to the other end of the third string of lights, Llama spotted not a mischievous kabautermann, but Usopp in a similar situation to the one she was extracting their captain from. The tiny demolitions expert sighed. She gave up; she didn't really want to know anymore.

 **CAPTAIN SNAPPY**

"Come on Snappy, you look fine." Everyone else on the crew was terrified of that sweet smile; the little raptor now understood why. He chirped sadly and tried to hide under Orange Pack Tracker's bunk.

Pale hands grabbed him around the middle and pulled him back out. Stinging Sweetheart held him against her shoulder, cuddling him like a cat while he squirmed to get away. Delicate fingers combed through his quills and tapped against the antlers strapped to his head. So undignified. Snappy chirped louder, wishing Ma would come save him.

"Oh, stop complaining. You're adorable."

He was not adorable! He was fierce! Snappy finally managed to wiggled out of Stinging Sweetheart's arms. Tumbling to the floor, he raced for the nearest exit. Seconds later, despite knowing he should have had to climb a ladder to get there (and he certainly hadn't), the raptor found himself in the laundry room. Not where he wanted to be, but it would work. At least only Square Nose would see him here. Now there'd be time to get these _things_ off his head. They only looked good on Prey Who Is Pack!

Upon seeing Snappy, Square Nose tried to edge back. Not that it worked well, with all the ropes they had on him and the strange manacles. Snappy grinned. He liked that Square Nose was afraid of him. He was a predator and Square Nose turned into prey, after all; it was only right that he should be afraid.

"Did you _have_ to come in here? I've told you before, you give me the heebie-jeebies." The bound and lethargic prisoner somehow managed to get on top of the dryer. Snappy growled. Smooth steel that couldn't be punctured by claws; his one weakness. Now he wouldn't be able to torment Square Nose.

Huffing, Snappy left the laundry room. If he couldn't torment the prisoner, he would spend his time looking for something to get these _things_ off his head. Maybe Prey Who Is Pack would have something. Or Hunting Bird Girl- she had lots of things for making and unmaking fabric. Even Ma… It might hurt to cut the strap with White Sword, but it would be better than enduring this continuing humiliation.

Unfortunately, Snappy couldn't find any of the people he was looking for. Instead he ended up in the library. No one was there at the moment. So the raptor sat down and began scratching at his own chin with his talons, hoping to tear the strap. It was humiliating, lying there scratching like a dog. But at least no one was there to see him.

Until Nose Who Lies walked in. The sniper took one look at Snappy and burst out laughing. Enraged, the raptor jumped up and began to gnaw on his crew mate's ankles. This turned the laughter into yelps- at least until Nose Who Lies was able to pry him off and hold him out at arms' length. Sometimes Snappy hated being so small.

"Let me guess… Kaya did this to you?"

Snappy chirped an affirmative. Then he attempted to bite the sniper's nose. Unfortunately, he was too far away for that to be effective. Nose Who Lies started laughing again. "Aw, don't be like that. She's just trying to get you into the spirit of Christmas."

Spirit of Christmas? What was that? Snappy croaked at Nose Who Lies, indicating for him to continue. The sniper smiled and pulled out a book. "It's not easy to explain- especially when I don't even know how much English you understand. You always surprise me. So let's try this. Stop me if you don't get it." So saying, the sniper opened the book and began to read a poem. Snappy stared at the pictures in fascination, hoping they would help him figure out this Christmas spirit thing.

" _T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house_

 _Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse…"_

 **SPADE**

Great black birds like nothing he'd ever seen before covered the southern horizon. He knew it was south because trying to face any other way made him dizzy. There were many of them, too many to count, ranging in size from that of a News Coo to that of a landing craft. And on two of the largest ones, he saw spots of fluffy red and turquoise. Spade didn't know what to make of them.

Except that they were entering the territory of _his_ flock. No one was allowed to do that! He was the only bird here! Except that silly pretender girl who insisted on taking a bird name, but she couldn't fly so she barely counted. Although… She stole Fire Father's attention far too often. Maybe she was in league with these black invaders.

"Skrawk!" Spade flew at the lead bird with a shriek, talons open to tear. It batted him aside with frightening ease, shooting him a confused look. Undeterred, the southbird tried again. And again. By the time all the birds had arrived at Floating Roost, Spade was exhausted from his futile assaults.

At least he knew what the coloured fluffs were now. They were people- two women who immediately ran off in search of something. Spade payed them no mind, continuing to glare at the strange birds who dared intrude on his territory. At least, until he felt hungry. Then it was time to find Fire Father and beg for food. The southbird gave the strange birds a last indignant glare before taking off for the Tinker Room.

He landed on Fire Father's hat a few minutes later. The strange women were there too, hugging Blue Brother and Flying Buddy. Angel was in a corner, making something out of wood. Spade didn't care about them though. He pecked at Fire Father's head, chirping and fluttering his wings.

Warm fingers rose up to pet his head. Spade leaned into them. "You hungry little buddy?" Fire Father chuckled. Seconds later, a treat rose to the little southbird's beak. He snapped it up and cuddled into the orange hat.

Blue Brother sighed. "You're spoiling him Ace. He'll end up too fat to fly if you just feed him whenever he wants."

"Eh, it'll be fine. Not like he's a fighter like Captain Snappy or anything."

The pair stared at each other for a long time. Spade considered pecking Fire Father again to get his attention and more pats, but decided it wasn't worth the effort. He was almost asleep when Blue Brother broke the staring contest with a bout of echoing laughter. The southbird chirped indignantly, but was ignored.

"You… It's to keep yourself from spoiling Lu and Blue, isn't it? You're such a sap Ace!"

"I am not!"

"Are too! You try to hide it, but we all know you for the soft, fluffy, overprotective sap you are!"

"I'm _not_ overprotective!"

Flying Buddy looked up from snuggling the turquoise girl with a sigh. "Ace… You threaten Coby on a daily basis for dating Kay-Kay, and he's one of the sweetest guys on the crew. You're overprotective."

Fire Father glared and stuck his tongue out at both Flying Buddy and Blue Brother. "Yeah, well… Sabo's a sap too!"

"Unlike you, I've never claimed otherwise." Tipping his hat, the blond leaned down and kissed the strange red girl. Fire Father immediately heated up, flames leaping from his shoulders as he made faces reminiscent of a confused fish. Spade shook his head and snuggled down for a nap. He didn't understand why Fire Father always got so angry and protective of the humans; Spade was clearly the most adorable and important thing in his life.

 **LLAMA**

Everyone else was asleep, and unlikely to wake up any time soon. They'd partied hard after Koala and Vivi arrived on giant crows- so hard that even Luffy and Bluejay got deep into their cups. Llama smiled as she climbed around the ship. It was actually adorable, watching her drunken captain stagger from person to person, hugging them and loudly proclaiming his love for everybody. Except someone named Woop Slap, who was apparently a boring old fart.

The demolitions expert hummed to herself as she clambered through the rigging- _Deck the Halls_ on repeat, since that was technically what she was doing. Although it was the whole ship rather than just a few corridors. Garland wrapped around every line, tinsel on the rails, Christmas balls everywhere… She even had a star to go at the very top of the mainmast.

Decorating- and doing so quietly- took most of the night. The end result was worth it though. By dawn on Christmas Eve, the _Thousand Sunny_ was all decked out in red, green, purple, and gold. Much better than if she'd just changed the colours of some cannonballs and rigging. There was one colour for her to do though, but by now she could do a single object for hours on end. Maybe days; although she didn't _have_ to keep the colour up overnight, it would be nice. An interesting challenge for her fruit, certainly. Smiling into her scarf, Llama turned Chopper's blue nose red and waited for the rest of the crew to wake.

Luffy was the first, surprisingly. Or maybe it wasn't a surprise, since Llama was pretty sure she heard someone fart near his head. It was hard to tell who; the whole crew- and their guests- had fallen asleep in a tangled heap on the deck. Regardless, the captain shot up and out of the cuddle puddle before suddenly freezing and spinning in place. His eyes turned to stars as he saw the product of Llama's work.

"Sugoi! Everyone, wake up! Captain's orders! We had elves!"

A chorus of groans filled the air. They were followed by a thump as Nami hit Luffy over the head. "We can't have had elves, you idiot! Elves don't exist!"

"But who else could've done this?" The captain waved his arms, indicating the decorations all over the ship. Franky shrugged.

"Maybe _Sunny_ -bro has a Klabautermann who loves Christmas?"

Llama smiled as other crew members began throwing out her own guesses. Then she yawned. The ship was beautiful, but she hadn't gotten any sleep. So while everyone else was trying to figure out where the decorations had come from, she slipped off to the aquarium bar and curled up on a sofa. She was joined a minute later by… Koala? Llama blinked sleepily at Sabo's girlfriend. The redhead smiled.

"It was you, wasn't it? That's why you're so tired."

"Yeah."

"Why? Not that I'm saying you shouldn't have or anything- it looks great- but why didn't you tell anyone it was you?"

"Jay and the captain still believe in Santa. Go ask Sabo why; I was just playing along."

Koala nodded. "Oh, I'll ask him alright. You'd have thought they'd have figured it out years ago- well, maybe not Luffy on his own, but with Bluejay he should've. One more question though: where exactly did you get all those ornaments? Even Nami and Ghin were surprised, so they can't have been from the ship's stores."

That made Llama frown. Really, if she never told her crew mates the truth about where she got things, why would she tell outsiders- even ones she liked? "I found them in my stocking."

"Pffft." Koala covered her mouth in a vain attempt to hide her snickers. "Oh, you're good. Well, I suppose I'll go question my boyfriend as to why he still lets his teenage siblings believe in Santa Claus. Have a good nap Llama."

 **SORA**

"Pass me the cookie flour please?"

Vivi looked at him skeptically as she opened the indicated cupboard. "You have designated cookie flour?"

Sora chuckled. "Yes. Believe me, I was confused at first too. But Sanji insists that it's a different kind than we use for muffins and bread, even if I can't tell the difference. And he's anal about using things for the purpose he bought them for."

"Everything's labelled." Vivi shook her head as she handed Sora the canister he needed. "Even the label maker. I never would've believed anyone on this crew could be so organized."

"It only applies to the kitchen. Sanji's just as bad anywhere else as Zoro or Franky. Kaya once found one of his ties in the bathroom sink when she was gathering the laundry. No one knows how it got there."

The princess giggled. Sora counted that as a win; he loved the sound of her laugh. And just having her here again… unbelievable. He owed it to Koala. The revolutionary had been determined to visit Sabo for Christmas, and had just happened to stop in Alabasta for lunch along the way. Vivi had managed to catch her before she left, and since Koala knew what the princess' tattoo meant…

"What kind of cookies are you making?" Vivi hugged Sora from behind and tried to look over his shoulder. She was hampered by the fact that he was a good head and a bit taller than her. Still, it made the rainbow serpent feel like a housewife.

"Gingerbread, of course. It's Christmas." And he'd recently found some Jolly Roger shaped cookie cutters in the back of one cupboard that would make everyone laugh. The box they'd been in was labelled "Random Junk from the Geezer on my Birthdays."

Making and shaping the batter didn't take long, even with Vivi trying to steal bits of cookie dough. Although it was slightly frustrating- she was almost as bad as his cousins, and harder to say no to. "Vivi, there's egg in that! Wait til it's cooked!"

"Fine." Smiling, the princess shifted from trying to steal cookie dough to flicking icing sugar at Sora. His hair was soon white with powder. The zoan user sighed and shook his head.

"You asked for it Princess. Tail tickles!" Partially transforming, Sora began to chase his girlfriend around the galley. She squealed and flung a handful of flour at him. The pair were soon ankle deep in one of the fluffiest, sweetest messes Sora had ever encountered. That was how Sanji saw them when he opened the door: Vivi on her back, having slipped on a dropped piece of butter, Sora crouched beside here with a broken egg on his head, tickling the princess with fingers and tail. The cook sighed and shook his head.

"This better be cleaned up next time I come in here Shitty Dragon. I'm not cooking tomorrow's dinner in this mess."

"Don't worry Sanji," Vivi giggled. "I'll help him clean up."

Sighing, the cook left. That was… unusual. Usually he would've protested a lady offering to clean. Maybe he'd cooked with Sora enough to know Vivi was responsible for most of the mess; the zoan user didn't usually let things like this happen while he baked. The princess' giggles continued.

"You've got something on your face."

Sora raised an eyebrow. "And whose fault is that?"

Batting her eyelashes, Vivi grinned. "Then maybe I should help you clean up." Before Sora could ask what she meant, the princess was leaning in, kissing him. It tasted very sweet; they both had icing sugar on their mouths.

 **BLUEJAY**

Everything ached. My fingers, wrists, forearms… Even the back of my hands felt like someone had been pounding them with Sora's mallet. The human body wasn't meant to knit so much in such a short space of time. And I wasn't done yet. I'd completed scarves for everyone we were sending them to, but now I had the crew's gifts. So I knitted even faster, working through Christmas sweaters at a speed that would make even Makino jealous and wondering whether I should make one for Kaku too, since he hadn't technically joined the crew yet. Probably.

I wasn't going to be able to open my hands properly for a week.

The door of the cabin flew open, prompting me to hide the sweater I was working on behind my back. A panicked reindeer galloped in, his nose a bright, poppy red. Chopper slammed head first into my chest, making me roll backwards. He was crying. I winced as I forced my fingers to unlock from around my knitting needles so I could pet our doctor.

"Choppy? What's wrong?"

"My nose! It's red instead of blue, and I don't know why! I've tested myself for everything I could think of, but I don't seem to be sick… Unless it's something I've never heard of before, but Kaya says that's not very likely." The reindeer sniffled and rubbed his snout with his hooves.

I looked at his nose, then shook my head. "Ksesesesesesese! You're fine Choppy; I think Llama did this."

"But _why_?"

"Well, on our world, there's a Christmas story about a reindeer with a red nose." I pulled out the sweater I'd been working on and got back to knitting. It wasn't Chopper's and I needed all the time I could get. "It was always my favourite. His name was Rudolph, and the other reindeer in Santa's herd weren't very nice to him." I cleared my throat.

" _You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,_

 _Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen_

 _But do you recall_

 _The most famous reindeer of all?"_

I sang the song for Chopper, finishing Usopp's Christmas gift as I did so. The little reindeer applauded at the end. "I wanna meet Rudolph!" Chopper bounced on my lap as he announced his wish, eyes shining like stars.

"Well then, stay up with me and Nii-chan tonight. We always wait to see Santa and his reindeer- although we've never managed to catch them yet. But maybe with your help…" Then my heart sank. "Although… Santa might not come here. All the songs say he comes down the chimney, but we don't have one anymore…"

"He _has_ to come though!" Chopper pouted and stomped one hoof. "There are lots of people who live on ships and stuff- Santa must have a way to get to them."

"Lots of pirates and marines are probably on the naughty list though. He wouldn't visit them." My heart sank even further. "Choppy… Do you think our crew's on the naughty list? We fight a lot, and we steal sometimes… But it's usually for a good reason- isn't it?"

The doctor didn't appear to have an answer for that. In fact, his tears said he was just as worried as I was. Then a shadow fell across us, making us both jump. Kaya giggled from the open doorway. I sighed in relief when I realized who it was, and started working on a sweater for Coby. Our nurse came to sit beside us, patting Chopper with one hand and running the fingers of her other through my hair.

"You two are adorable. And don't worry… You have nothing to worry about. I was talking with Santa-san earlier, and there's no way you're on the naughty list."

My eyes turned to stars; Chopper let out an involuntary yip of relief. "You know Santa?"

"Of course I do. All nurses do; we talk to him every day, helping him figure out who's on the naughty list or the nice list. His elves can't do it after all; they're busy all year, making things for the good girls and boys, and looking after the reindeer." Smiling, Kaya wrapped an arm around me and Chopper. "Trust me, Santa-san would never place anyone on this crew on the naughty list. He knows the path we've chosen is a hard one, so we get a little leeway. And like you said, usually when we get into fights it's either to defend ourselves or to help someone."

Chopper wiped his tears away, beaming. "You're sure?"

"Positive." Standing, Kaya plucked Chopper from my lap. "Now, I believe the two of us should get going. Bluejay-san is still making Christmas presents for everyone, after all; we mustn't peek. That would get us on the naughty list."

The little doctor immediately covered his eyes. I smiled as Kaya carried him out. Then I doubled down on my knitting. Over the course of the conversation I'd slowed or stopped several times, putting a severe dent in my progress. And damn, my hands were still burning. I'd have to get Chopper and Kaya to examine them for carpal tunnel or something later.

 **SPADE**

Clattering footsteps rudely awoke him from his wonderful nap on Fire Father's head. The southbird chirped indignantly as Blue Brother raced into the Tinker Room. Much to his ire, he was ignored. Even pecking Fire Father and squawking didn't fix the atrocity, so Spade was forced to stay awake. He was going to poop on Blue Brother's hat for this.

"Ace, we have a problem."

"What happened?" Fire Father had also been sleeping. He rubbed his eyes as he peeled his face off the work table.

"We're out of red fabric. Blue used it all, apparently."

"Shit! How're we supposed to make a new Santa costume then? Dadan won't be able to send us the old one in time!"

Angel looked up from whatever she was working on and shook her head. "Why do you even need a Santa costume? Isn't the whole point of the Santa charade that the children never see who gives them gifts? My father used to say Santa wouldn't come if I was awake, as a way to make my stay in my room and sleep until dawn."

"Maybe for most kids," Blue Brother chuckled. "It doesn't work on Lu and Blue though. They try to stay up and catch Santa every year- and this year, Blue's scheduled the two of them for the pre-dawn watch, so they'll _definitely_ be up. We're always seen placing the gifts."

"Then why not tell them already? It would save you a lot of trouble."

Blue Brother and Fire Father looked at each other, then at Angel. "They're just too cute. We can't tell them something like that; imagine how sad they'd be. And angry at us for lying."

Bear Girl walked in at that moment, hugging Blue Brother from behind. "There you are Sabo. I've been looking for you since dawn. So… Is there any particular reason you and Ace haven't told Luffy and Bluejay that Santa isn't real yet?"

"We just finished explaining that to Conis!" The blond sighed and hid his face in his hand. "Do I need to make a poster and put it up in the liquor cabinet or something?"

"That won't work. Sora and Vivi are making gingerbread cookies right now, so I'm pretty sure there's gonna be a couple mice in the kitchen when the little ones are on watch tonight." Bear Girl snickered. "I could always report to the boss and have _him_ come and explain it. Dispelling the Santa myth is part of being a father after all."

Fire Father shook his head. "No. They'd still get mad at _us_ for lying to them so long. Shit… What're we gonna do? We _need_ a Santa costume!"

There was a moment of awkward silence. Spade had almost managed to get back to sleep again when Blue Brother smacked a hand against his own forehead. "Argh, Ace, I'm turning into you! How could I forget something so obvious? We'll get Kaya to knock them out! Then they won't wake up while we're placing the gifts, and it won't matter that we don't have a costume!"

"Should we really be encouraging her?" Flames flickered uncertainly.

"Usually I'd say no, but this is a matter of life or Lu's sad puppy eyes."

Bear Girl and Angel looked at each other. "Should I be worried that my boyfriend is advocating for the sedation and possible poisoning of his younger siblings?" the redhead asked the Skypeian.

The latter shook her head. "No, it's fine. I've been keeping an eye on their mental states, both individually and as a group. The four of them are bordering on co-dependent, so Sabo would never suggest something that would permanently damage Luffy or Bluejay. Although he does occasionally display sadistic tendencies that make me feel sorry for his past opponents."

"I'm right here!" Blue Brother protested. "And since when? I'll have you know I'm the perfect gentleman- or as close as you can be and still count as a pirate."

"Quite aside from what you did to Enel- which was justified, but still scary- your reaction to Franky running around naked on deck was to track him down later and attempt to strangle him with his own speedo. The smile you had while doing so was particularly creepy."

"It was a joke!"

Angel just raised her eyebrows. Blue Brother sputtered loudly and looked away, unable to rebut whatever silent argument she had made. Spade hated it when the humans talked without words; he could never understand it. How dare they keep secrets from him? Annoyed, the little southbird fluttered off in a huff. Fire Father wasn't paying attention to him, so he may as well go somewhere quiet to sleep.

 **CAPTAIN SNAPPY**

He'd long since stopped trying to remove the antlers. No one was willing to help him take them off- probably due to their fear of Stinging Sweetheart. So instead of clawing at the seemingly indestructible strap, the raptor had taken to following Pink Fluff around. The swift hunter was much less enthusiastic about the coming of Christmas than the rest of the Pack. He looked confused, wandering around on deck and staring up at the clear, blue sky.

Captain Snappy shivered. It was almost as cold as a winter island. His chirp of discomfort drew Pink Fluff's attention.

"Hi Snappy-san. What's up?" Pink Fluff picked the raptor up and let him inside his coat. Normally Snappy would only do this with Ma, but he was _really_ cold.

"Scraw. Raaaaaa?" How he wished he could speak like the humans. Or even imitate their hand signs. But while he could understand them, Captain Snappy had yet to communicate through quiet-talk. Part of it was biology (his tail), and part of it was that he couldn't _speak_ to participate in team-building exercises.

Still, if anyone could understand him, it was usually Pink Fluff. Well, not counting Prey Who Is Pack, who could actually speak like a raptor. The swift hunter was even better than Ma at figuring out what animals were trying to say- except for Spade. The bird was an asshole, and even Pink Fluff couldn't understand him.

Callused hands patted Snappy on the head. "It's cold out, isn't it? Too cold for reptiles. Maybe Bluejay-san will make you a sweater for Christmas. You'd like that, eh?"

Yes. Yes, he would. But right now, Snappy wanted to know why his third favourite human looked so lost. Everyone was supposed to be happy! Or at least, that's what Nose Who Lies had said, and he wasn't using his lying voice at the time. "Roo… Sra? Scraw!"

Pink Fluff chuckled. "Sorry Snappy-san. I don't mean to be a downer. I just… I can't really believe it's Christmas Eve. It's cold, but there's no snow." The cabin boy sighed. "Back when I was with Alvida… I hated it there, more than you could probably imagine, but at least there was always snow on Christmas. It was what I looked forward to every year. A white Christmas is something magical; I don't know how to explain it. Not that you could understand me anyway."

Oh, but he _could_. Mostly, anyway. Snow was a weather thing, right? They could make weather things! Or at least, Orange Pack Tracker's stick could. Snappy couldn't express that thought through chirps and growls though. Instead, he jumped out of Pink Fluff's jacket and raced across New Home, towards the den of females. The cabin boy was stunned for a moment before chasing after him with a shriek.

"No! Snappy-san, come back! You can't go in there! Nami-san and Robin-san are hiding presents; you can't peek!"

But he wasn't going to peek, so it was fine. Snappy skidded to a halt in the center of the den, peering around in the dim light. Pink Fluff stopped behind him in the doorway, confused. "Snappy-san? What're you doing?"

"Shi!" Finally! Blue stick spotted! Grabbing the weapon in his jaws, Snappy raced between Pink Fluff's legs and back up on deck. For a moment he thought he would get away, that he'd be able to figure out Pink Fluff's present somewhere secret, but then he heard a whispered word, followed by rapid footsteps and a rush of wind.

"Soru." Pink Fluff scooped Snappy up mid-run, stopping up on the poop deck. Green eyes fixed the raptor with a chastising glare. "Snappy-san… You can't play with that. It's Nami-san's weapon, not a toy."

But he wasn't trying to use it as a toy! Snappy growled when Pink Fluff tried to take the stick. That didn't quite discourage him; it took snapping jaws and a small bite to keep the cabin boy's fingers away. But Pink Fluff still didn't leave completely. Snappy huffed as he began scrabbling his claws over the stick, searching for the tiny buttons that allowed Orange Pack Tracker to control the weather. If his companion wanted to ruin the Christmas surprise, that was his problem.

Snappy searched for several minutes with no results. He was interrupted by a noise of astonished understanding. Pink Fluff stared at him. "You… You actually understand everything we say, don't you? Are you trying to make snow for me?"

"Sha!" Snappy nodded so fast his eyes spun. Finally, one of the humans got it!

"Well, would you mind if I helped then? My fingers are better for this than your claws."

After a moment of consideration, Snappy nodded and yielded the stick. Pink Fluff felt along it, a frown creasing his face as he tried different things. A lot of the grips he was trying looked almost like what Orange Pack Tracker did- almost, but not quite. Snappy nudged Pink Fluff's finger with his nose, tightening the boy's grip and shifting the digit a little to the right. There was an immediate response from the business end of the weapon.

A bolt of lightning shot out across the deck, striking Ma as he emerged from a hatch. Charred and smoking, the swordsman glared around, searching for the source of the attack. "Damn witch! I haven't done anything!"

Then he saw Snappy and Pink Fluff, both looking guilty. Dark eyes narrowed. "Where… How'd you get the witch's wand?"

Pink Fluff pointed at Snappy- the traitor. Cowering into the deck, the raptor tried to disappear as Ma approached. He was startled when a hand came down and patted him on the head, smoothing his quills. "Nice. Just don't let her catch you at it. Now… What're you two trying to do?"

"Make snow." Pink Fluff shifted his grip on the stick again. This time a blast of cold air shot out. Snappy shivered and jumped into Ma's coat.

Ma shrugged. "Can it? I've never seen the witch use snow, just lightning and water."

"It has to! Snowstorms use all the same ingredients as a regular storm, they're just colder." Pink Fluff continued to fiddle. In quick succession, he produced an unseasonably warm wind, a small raincloud, a lot of mist, and six more lightning bolts. The last of these struck the deck next to Orange Pack Tracker as she emerged from the head. Here eyes fixed on the trio on the poop deck, blazing red with anger.

"Zoro… Coby… _What the Hell are you doing?_ "

Ma frowned and remained silent; Pink Fluff shivered, but held firm. "I was just trying to make it snow. Or, well… Snappy-san was the one who took the clima-tact, but it was because he wanted to make snow to make me happy. We just wanted a white Christmas."

High heels tapped rapidly across the deck. Orange Pack Tracker stopped in front of them, snatching her weapon away from the shaky cabin boy. "Well… Since it's Christmas Eve and that's your reason, I guess I won't make you pay for it. But _never_ touch my staff again, understand?"

Snappy and Pink Fluff both nodded. Orange Pack Tracker sighed as she stood, shifting her hands into an unfamiliar position along the stick. "Zoro, you're lucky you weren't actually involved. You're not cute enough to be forgiven so easily. Blizzard Tempo!"

Thick, woolly clouds spread slowly across the sky, accompanied by a chill wind. Ice appeared in the waters around the ship. Then white flakes began to drift down from the sky, large and light as frozen butterflies. Snappy snapped a few in his jaws, surprised when they melted against his tongue. Everyone laughed at his shocked face.

 **xXx**

By the time night fell, huge drifts had built up on the deck of the ship. They were accompanied by a variety of snowmen, from the lumpy stacked balls Pops and Hunting Bird Girl had assembled to an almost realistic sheep by Nose Who Lies and Stinging Sweetheart. The whole crew together had made a flock of snow angels- except for Fire That Protects, who had melted an entire drift when he tried. And he still wasn't even wearing a shirt. Snappy shivered every time he saw that bare chest.

Apparently Spinning Devil agreed. The older pirate lobbed an absolutely massive ball of ice at Fire That Protects, hitting him in the head. "Don Ace, get a shirt on! You're making me cold just looking at you!"

"Make me!" Fire That Protects stuck out his tongue, changing it into a lick of flame as a further taunt. Spinning Devil rolled his eyes, prompting a chuckle from Flower Of Many Hands.

"Oh Ghin, it's Christmas. Stop trying to be a grown up for once and have some fun."

"Well, _someone_ has to be the responsible adult around here, and you, Franky, and Bon-chan aren't volunteering."

Flower Of Many Hands smiled. "But we are. I'm being _very_ responsible- I'm keeping an eye on the captain so he doesn't go overboard in his enthusiasm." She gestured to where Pops was dancing on a rail, a blue eye that most certainly didn't belong to him blinking in the middle of his back.

"How's that supposed to keep Don Luffy from falling overboard?!" Spinning Devil rubbed his temples. "You know what? Fine. You're right. It's Christmas Eve, and I'm following a captain who still believes in Santa Claus. Fuck responsibility."

Putting his jar of dirt on a table, the older man tackled Fire That Protects over the side. Their descent was accompanied by a burst of flame and a shocked yelp. Giant Robot Man laughed and had a ladder lowered before the pair even hit the water.

 **BLUEJAY**

I woke up with a stinging pain in the side of my neck. One of Kaya's needles… Damn. Rubber arms wrapped around my shoulders and soft snoring in my ear told me Nii-chan had been caught too. But we were on watch! They _couldn't_ have drugged us- what if we were attacked? I grabbed my brother's cheek and stretched it until he woke up, looking around in a panic. Not that I would've been able to see anything of value anyway. Too blurry.

"Huh?" Luffy rubbed his eyes and rolled to his feet. "Morning Blue. What's wrong?"

"Kaya drugged us to keep us from catching Santa! But we were on watch, so if we were attacked… Do you see anyone who's not supposed to be here? Any damage? Anything missing?"

"Nope." My brother yawned. "But Sabo and Koala are up on the poop deck watching anyway, so it's fine." Then a thoughtful look came over his face. "Hey… Is it called the poop deck cause you can poop off of it into the water?"

"No idea. Please don't though; Nami would kill you."

We didn't have a Christmas tree, but everyone had placed the presents they'd made in a pile at the base of the mast. Or at least, I thought the pile was made of gifts, as it was a blur of festive colours and that was where I'd placed the sweaters I made. Before I could investigate further- by which I mean sort all the gifts into piles based on who they were for- a great splash drew my attention to the water beside the _Thousand Sunny_. Something large and dark rose from the waves-and by large, I mean possibly a hundred times the size of our ship. I wasn't sure if it was another vessel or an island whale.

My question was answered before I could ask it by Nii-chan's shout. "Everyone up! We've got a strange ship on the starlord- sarbeam- uh, over there! Prepare for battle!"

Our crew were all on the deck in seconds, still dressed in their pyjamas, weapons clutched in sleepy hands. I strapped on my nekode and fiddled with my tanto, waiting for movement so I knew where to attack. And then a giant figure appeared at the rail of the other ship. Huge and smiling, dressed all in red, a massive white moustache adorning his face. I'd thought Sabo-nii's stories said he had a beard, but maybe I was wrong. Or maybe he'd wanted a change at some point and shaved it.

I removed my nekode even faster than I'd put them on, my eyes turning to stars. "Everyone, stand down!" I yelled, dashing to the rails. "It's _Santa_!"

A rubber arm wrapped around my waist, the other stretching to grab the strange ship's mast. "Gomu-Gomu no Rocket!"

Luffy and I flew through the air, tumbling and laughing. Santa caught us before we could crash into anyone. And now that we were closer, I could see a lot of people we could've hit. Were they Santa's elves? They were a lot taller than I'd imagined- some of them almost as big as Santa himself- and they looked more like pirates than toymakers. But I'd never seen the elves before, and never gotten a good look at Santa either, so I could be wrong. Or maybe Santa _was_ a pirate- the Tenryuubito probably didn't like that he gave gifts to people other than them, so they probably tried to catch him sometimes.

"Gurarararara! Merry Christmas little ones! But I'm afraid I'm not Santa- although I do know him!" The giant man smiled down at Nii-chan and I. We stared back in confusion.

"You're… not Santa?" Luffy cocked his head to one side. "But you look just like Sabo said Santa does, and it's Christmas…"

"Well, Christmas is a day to spend with family, isn't it? So what better plans could I make than to come see my grandchildren?"

A shiver ran down my spine. I grabbed my brother's hand and ran for the rails, desperate to get back to the _Sunny_. "Help! Gramps disguised as Santa to trick us!"

"You're cute." Huge hands grabbed our shoulders preventing us from jumping. "Luffy and Bluejay, right? I'm not Garp, I promise. But you have two grandfathers now- or did Dragon forget to tell you?"

Luffy peered up at the stranger, clutching the brim of his hat. "You… Are you that Whitebeard-ossan that Dad mentioned?"

Some of the pirates in the background- yep, definitely pirates, not elves- gasped at my brother's audacity. Whitebeard himself smiled, then flicked Luffy gently on the head. "That's Grandpops to you, brat."

My brother's head snapped back and forth, bouncing around for a little from the force of the affectionate flick. "Oh. Okay. Hey! Dad says you're a famous pirate, right?"

"I am." In the background I could hear some of Grandpops' men muttering about the strongest man in the world and brats who lived under rocks. No one paid any attention to them though.

"That's cool. But I'm gonna be king of the pirates someday, kay? So you can't get to One Piece before me, otherwise I'll have to kick your ass." Luffy released his grip on his hat and looked down at the _Sunny_. "Also… You should probably let go of me'n Blue before Ace gets mad."

"Gurarara! Cheeky brat! I knew there was a reason I liked you kids." Whitebeard released his hold on our shoulders, but not quickly enough for one overprotective fireball. An orange rocket fired up from our smaller ship, aiming a blazing kick at Whitebeard's head. Ace-nii was easily caught, his flight frozen. A look of astonishment crossed his face; Grandpops scowled.

"Brat… Is that any way to greet your grandfather?"

I could see the gears turning behind Ace's eyes- memories of all the torturous survival training we'd been subjected to by Gramps, all the times we'd tried to attack or flee from the old marine. My eldest brother nodded dazedly. "Yes."

That actually froze Whitebeard for a moment. Then his smile grew wider than ever. "Right- your other grandfather is Garp. I forgot for a second." Grandpops put Ace down and patted him on the head. My eldest brother huffed. Then…

"You… You were Gol D Roger's rival, right? The one man he could never beat?"

Grandpops shot him a curious look. "Yes- although I wouldn't say I ever beat him either, not really. Why?"

Ace-nii's eyes burned- literally. "Someday… Someday I'll do what he couldn't- I'll beat you. Then people will know me for _me_ , instead of as _that man_ 's son."

"I look forward to it, Ace."

A feminine man in a lavender kimono frowned. "Has Dragon done something? Surely not- he sounded like he loved these kids more than anything."

No one from our crew was willing to answer; I wasn't sure how many of them even knew who Ace-nii's birth father was- we never usually mentioned that, just that Dad had adopted him. And of Whitebeard's crew… I don't think even Grandpops knew for sure, although he might have suspected. Sabo-nii jumped up on Whitebeard's ship with a polite cough, breaking the tension.

"Yes, well, you won't be attacking anyone today Ace. It's Christmas, after all."

My eldest brother flushed red. "Yeah, yeah, sorry Sabo."

The kimono-wearing man shook his head and smiled. He had a look in his eyes that told me he would be getting the answers out of us someday. But for now, he advanced and held out a hand, introducing himself. "My name is Izo. I'm your uncle, I suppose, if you're Pops' new grandchildren. Or rather, one of your uncles. We're all his sons and daughters."

"Marco and Thatch too? Are they here?"

"Of course they're his sons, but no, they were detained on their way back from monitoring the traitor." Izo aborted his attempt to shake hands, opting instead to trace the scar running down the side of my face. "Oh. You're the poor dear Thatch cut up, aren't you? I'm sorry…"

He thought I was afraid. I shook my head. "No, it's okay. I don't mind; it makes me match my brothers." I gestured to the scars on Ace, Sabo and Luffy's faces. Izo smiled, shaking his head.

"So it does. Well, as long as you don't mind it, I suppose it's none of my business. If you ever _did_ want to cover it up though, I'm sure I could find something that matches your complexion."

I made a face. "You're starting to sound like Bon-chan."

"Well, he must be a very sensible fellow. Perhaps I'll speak with him later."

It didn't take long for a party to arise. We drifted to a tiny, treeless island, anchoring one ship on either side and meeting in the middle. Music immediately started up from Grandpops' crew- one of their divisions had a full band. Nii-chan grumbled something under his breath about how we still needed to find a musician, but he was too excited to be jealous for long.

Jumping the line, I handed out my gifts to the crew first. My hands still burned, but I'd managed to get them all done before going on watch the night before. Barely. A collective silence fell over the Straw Hat section of the party as everyone unfolded their sweaters. Vivi sweatdropped at the garish red and metallic greens.

"They're… so ugly. Normally the things Bluejay makes are much nicer than that."

"They're _supposed_ to be ugly." Sora's voice was muffled slightly as he slipped thick wool over his head. "It's tradition." My cousin leaned over to kiss his girlfriend on the cheek, clasping the necklace he'd made for her around her neck.

Vivi turned bright red as she reached up to touch the bells and pearls. "Thank you Sora. They're beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you."

One of Grandpops' men whistled- I couldn't see who. Sora and Vivi both turned bright red. Beside me, Ace-nii looked conflicted. "Should- If Sora's my cousin, should I be looking after him the way I look after Lu and Blue? He's only a year older than Luffy…"

" _ **NO!**_ " The shout came up from our whole crew in unison- well, except Sabo-nii, who actually appeared to be considering the question. Nami even hit Ace over the head for good measure.

"You shouldn't even be looking after Luffy and Bluejay the way you do! They're seventeen and fourteen, not six and three! Leave Sora's love life alone!"

"Fine, fine. Sheesh Nami, you hit almost as hard as Gramps sometimes. Why don't you ever fight like that?"

"Because I'm not a suicidal moron!"

A news coo swooped down from the sky at that moment, dropping a letter into Conis' lap. Everyone fell silent. The bird saluted and flew away as our psychologist opened the envelope. She smiled as she read it. "It's from my father. He loves the boat I made him, and wants me to send more rubber bands. Apparently all the children are trying to make their own rubber-powered toys now as well."

Usopp beamed while opening the present Kaya had made for him. "I have tonnes! We can send him some tomorrow!" Opening the box, he revealed what appeared at first glance to be a pile of brightly coloured bullets for his _Kabuto._ Given who they came from, I suspected many of them had sedative or outright toxic properties.

Edging away from the chemistry-happy couple, I peeled open a gift that was labelled _To: Bluejay; From: Santa_. It made me seriously question the old elf's methods. Wasn't he supposed to know what everyone wanted for Christmas? Then why had he given me a dress? It was simple, pleated plaid- green, red, and white on blue- but it was still a _dress_. That was the sort of thing I expected from Sabo, not Santa. Had my brother edited my Christmas list when I gave it to him to mail off?

As I glared at the offending fabric, Chopper let out a shriek of joy. "A compound-light microscope with x1500 magnification! That's ten times what my old one could do! Thanks Santa!"

Ace and Sabo frowned, shooting a look I couldn't quite read at Zoro. Our first mate shrugged and looked away, the tips of his ears turning red. I didn't understand what was going on, but whatever it was made my eldest brothers laugh, so it must've been alright.

The rest of the gift exchange passed without incident- well, unless you count Grandpops dropping a piece of paper the size of a small blanket on Nii-chan's head an incident. The page was covered in den-den numbers. When we asked him whose they were, Whitebeard laughed and pointed at the names. He was giving us the numbers for everyone in his fleet. _Everyone_. Nii-chan looked up at him in confusion.

"Okay. Thanks. But why?"

"Because you're my adorable grandchildren and you should never be without a way to contact your family. See, these are all your aunts and uncles. I know you're after One Piece and you don't want help from your old Grandpops, but I'll feel better if you have these with you. There are things in this world little brats like you can't handle yet. Soon, but not yet."

Whitebeard then proceeded to sweep our whole crew- plus Vivi and Koala- up into a hug, laughing as he did so. I fidgeted, squished between a stunned Bon-chan and a squirming Captain Snappy. It made it nearly impossible to breathe. Ace, the only one capable of meaningful movement, signed what the rest of us were all thinking. _He's almost as bad as Gramps!_

At some point, Sanji and the cooks from Grandpops' crew disappeared from the gathering. They reappeared around sunset, carrying platters and bowls, steaming dishes of all kinds. Sanji spat his cigarette into the sand, stomping it out before laying the table. "Ladies and shitheads! Soup's on!"

There wasn't an actual table that everyone could sit around; it was more of a buffet. And what a wonderful one it was. Stuffed turkey, cranberry sauce, roasted lamb with veggies, pumpkin and walnut pie, garlic bread, Caesar salad, mince pie, ham, cider, tourtière, butter tarts, candy canes, mashed potatoes, eggnog, fried carp rutabaga casserole, assorted cheeses and fruits, and of course, Sora and Vivi's gingerbread cookies. There was another thing too, that I didn't recognize- it looked like some sort of upside-down cake type thing, or maybe an unfinished one of Sanji's fancy puddings. Much, much larger though, more than enough for two pirate crews even with the vast size of Whitebeard's. Llama must've known what the pudding things was; her eyes lit up when she saw it.

I edged over to my sworn cousin as I filled my plate. "What's that?"

Llama looked at me like I'd grown an extra head. "It's plum pudding. There's little silver charms inside; if you get one in your slice, it tells you what kind of good luck you'll have the next year."

"Cool!" I reached to cut a little slice of the pudding, but Llama grabbed my wrist, shaking her head.

"Not yet. It has to be flamed first."

"Flamed?"

"Just wait. You'll see."

Not far from us, Sanji was scouring the party for… something. I couldn't tell what until he started muttering to himself under his breath. "Rum, rum… Why is the rum always gone?" Our cook shot a dark look in Zoro's direction. "Right- _that_ 's why." Eventually, the spiral-browed chef settled on brandy as an acceptable substitute.

Zoro leapt up when Sanji poured brandy over the plum pudding. "Oi! What're you doing shit cook? That's a waste of good alcohol!"

"It has to be flamed, you moss-headed barbarian!"

"Like Hell I'm letting you set it on fire! At least if the brandy's soaked into the cake people can still sort-of drink it!"

"Brandy's what most people in our world actually used as their _first_ choice," Llama whispered to me before heading off. She got between Zoro and Sanji right before they started to fight.

"Stop!" She pleaded, eyes wide over the edge of her scarf. It looked like she was about to cry, although there was mischief in her body language. Llama was a good actor. Both combatants froze; Zoro scowled.

"But the shit cook's wasting good alcohol!"

"It's _supposed_ to be done that way," Llama informed our swordsman, "It's _tradition_. Just try it and you'll understand. Please. And you can't fight on _Christmas_ \- not with family."

Our first mate melted. I'd never seen him soften so fast before, except when he was napping with Chopper and thought no one could see. Zoro rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Ah Hell, you're right I guess. Sorry Sa- nope can't say it. Sorry Swirly-Brows. But don't go making a habit of this, got it?"

"Of course not; I know shitty marimos need to be watered regularly with alcohol to grow properly." Sanji patted Llama on the head as he turned back to finish dousing the pudding. "Thanks Llamb-chan."

Of course, then there was the issue of how to light such an enormous plum pudding on fire in the first place. At least, until Kaku rolled his eyes. We'd moved him to the island so he could be part of the celebrations, though he was still chained. Bon-chan was watching him, nominally- in reality, our okama was more preoccupied with trying to put on a one-man rendition of _The Nutcracker_. The result was hilarious.

"Why doesn't the fish with the flame fruit just do it? You use his powers for just about everything else."

Chopper turned to look at Llama and Sanji. "Is that allowed?" Both shrugged, which everyone else took as a yes.

Bon-chan paused in his dancing. "Now remember Flare-boy, nothing too big. It's already been cooked."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Ace-nii waved a hand, a single tiny fireball floating out. "Hotarubi: Purin!"

The previously dim evening lit up like day as the massive pudding flamed brilliant orange. It was accompanied by a brief wash of heat before the fire swiftly died, the brandy burning off. The air smelled of burnt sugar and dried fruit. I turned to Llama.

" _Now_ can I eat some?"

"Yes, now's fine."

In hindsight, I should've paid more attention to what Llama said about silver charms. I nearly broke a tooth on a tiny sea king. Nii-chan laughed as I spat it out- which led to him nearly choking on a silver anchor from his own slice of pudding.

As usual, the party lasted well into the night. Some time around midnight, it started to snow- this may or may not have been Nami's fault. We would never know. But it was then, with snow falling, everyone slightly drunk (yes, even Kaku), and the captains wearing fluffy Santa hats that the most magical part of Christmas began. Spontaneous carolling, complete with an unchoreographed dance number led by Ghin and Bon-chan.

" _We wish you a Merry Christmas_

 _We wish you a Merry Christmas_

 _We wish you a Merry Christmas_

 _And a Happy New Year_

 _Good tidings we bring_

 _To you and your kin_

 _We wish you a Merry Christmas_

 _And a Happy New Year_

 _Now bring us some figgy pudding_

 _Now bring us some figgy pudding_

 _Now bring us some figgy pudding_

 _And a cup of good cheer_

 _We won't go until we get some_

 _We won't go until we get some_

 _We won't go until we get some_

 _So bring it right here_

 _So bring us some figgy pudding_

 _So bring us some figgy pudding_

 _So bring us some figgy pudding_

 _And bring it right here_

 _Good tidings we bring_

 _To you and your kin_

 _We wish you a Merry Christmas_

 _And a Happy New Year!"_

 **DRAGON**

He was drinking eggnog in front of the fire when Koala arrived- what? Even the most wanted man in the world needed a break over the holidays. So Dragon was understandably surprised when one of his top agents appeared in his office, slapping a thick folder down on his desk.

"Reporting in from Paradise, near Lovely Land." Koala saluted with a smile. Dragon raised his eyebrows.

"I thought you were off visiting my children for a Christmas party."

"Exactly sir. Which is why I thought you'd want to see this report immediately."

Oh, she was a cheeky one. Dragon put his mug down and opened the folder. Inside were pictures of the entire Straw Hat crew- and several members of the Whitebeard pirates as well. Ghin dancing with Bon-chan. Sora and Vivi under the mistletoe. Sabo and Koala trying to force Bluejay into a plaid dress. Coby and Ace throwing snowballs at each other. Llama snuggling Chopper. Luffy holding Zoro and Sanji apart as they tried to attack each other. Robin and Conis braiding each other's hair. Captain Snappy sitting on the lap of what appeared to be a terrified CP9 agent that Dragon's children had captured. Nami blasting a large, metal man (the new shipwright, probably) in the face with snow. And several photos of Whitebeard hugging armfuls of pirates at a time while wearing a Santa hat. Those pictures... They looked like… Love.

"So you picked up Vivi on your way. Did you take her home as well?"

"Yes sir." Koala shot him a sad look. "You know… You could've come with us. I think it would've made them happy. Well, even happier."

"I didn't want to risk running into my father-in fact, I'm amazed that he didn't show up." Dragon smiled at Koala-a soft smile that he rarely used, rather than his usual smirk of plotting. "Thank you for the pictures. Now… If you're up for it, I need you to find Bunny Joe. He disappeared partway through _our_ Christmas party last night, and I'm worried he's running around in the island naked and confused again."

"What makes you think that sir?"

"No one's seen Bunny Joe himself, but Hack found his pants on a flagpole this morning."

Paling, Koala saluted and raced out of the room. She nearly ran over Ivankov on her way out, apologizing in a rush of words. The okama queen laughed as xe walked up to Dragon's desk with a folder.

"That little candy's certainly in good spirits this morning. Here Dragon-boy; the reports you've been waiting for from the West Blue just came in."

"Thank you Ivankov." He really didn't feel like going through actual reports right now; there were still so many Straw Hat party pictures to look through. Koala's poor visual den-den must be exhausted. Maybe he should give her a second one…

"That's a fabulous scarf Dragon-boy. Where did you get it?"

Shaken out of his thoughts by his friend's voice, Dragon looked down. He'd almost forgotten what he was wearing- a fluffy green scarf with red patterns that matched his tattoos. "My children sent it to me for Christmas. I suspect Bluejay made it and Luffy did the card."

"YOU HAVE CHILDREN?!"

Dragon chuckled. "Of course. I'm just as human as the rest of you; I can love. So much love…" He smiled down at the photos. His family. Even if he wasn't with them, he loved them more than anything. And it's true, wherever you find love, it feels like Christmas. Even if you're hundreds of kilometers away in a secret base drenched in white.


	30. This is Thriller

**Bluejay: Sorry this took us so long guys. School's been rough, we've been sick, and parts of this chapter had to be rewritten a few times cause they just weren't going right. Plus, the next few arcs are kinda long, so updates were gonna slow down a bit in the best case.**

 **And now for a shameless plug. One of my classmates has started writing her own** _ **One Piece**_ **SI and it's really good. She also blackmailed me into betaing for her… -_- So for those of you who like SI fics, I recommend checking it out. Her penname's Vikingr; story's called** _ **Twelve Red Lines**_ **.**

Coby and I were sparring with Zoro when Sabo-nii burst out of the aquarium bar. Specifically, we had ganged up on the swordsman in the hopes of beating him for once. It was looking like a possibility too, until one of my kicks was blocked by the sudden appearance of an irate gentleman with a white den-den mushi on his shoulder. Sabo-nii held me in place for a moment with his pipe.

"Blue, have you seen Sora?"

I pointed at the poop deck, where my cousin was sitting on the rail. His legs and tail swung back and forth as he chatted on Blackstar- presumably talking to Vivi. Sabo-nii sighed and stomped over, boots clicking sharply against the deck.

"You egg-sucking, shell-skinned, hoarding prat!"

Sora jumped. "What did I do?"

"Last night you were on the snail for _three hours_. It's my turn!"

"But I was in the middle of explaining hockey to Vivi!"

"And I haven't called Koala in three days!"

My cousin took to the air to avoid my brother. It was a sensible plan- if their argument had gotten physical, Sabo-nii would've won easily. As it was, my blond brother was reduced to throwing scraps of junk he found on the deck. Even that was enough to put Sora on the defensive; Sabo was a mean hand at tossing fish bones.

Arms wrapped around me from behind. "I'm _so_ glad my girlfriend's on the same ship," Coby chuckled, resting his chin on my head.

Usopp, who was sitting by a rail fishing, sighed. "You guys are lucky- you _have_ girlfriends."

There was a loud snap from the mikan grove where Nami and Kaya were reading. Our nurse closed her book and stood, expression as harsh as a blizzard. She dropped her reading material on her chair before sweeping across the deck to where our sniper sat. Even Zoro flinched away from Kaya's frigid presence.

"By the sea and stars Usopp-kun, how dense can you get?" Our nurse flicked the sniper in the forehead. "I can understand not getting my looks and more subtle hints, but _gods_ … I _kissed you_ when we were leaving Water Seven!"

"Huh? That was- oh! _Oh_." Usopp's eyes went wide; his face turned red. Kaya nodded.

"Yes, _oh_. And now that you _finally_ understand what my feelings are, what are you going to do about it?"

Our sniper's response was to turn even redder. He was rivalling Sora and Coby's worst blushes at this point- possibly even surpassing them, as his darker skin made his blushes harder to see. "I… Erm, I, well…" Usopp hung his head. "I don't know. Whenever I imagined a relationship, it was always coming back to you _after_ I'd had my adventures and become a brave warrior of the sea. I- I'm not there yet, so…"

"But those hypothetical situations- it was always _me_ you were returning to?"

"Yes."

"Then I can work with that." Kaya clasped Usopp's hand with one of her own. "I never meant to rush you or make you uncomfortable. It's just- we're pirates. We could die on any of our mad adventures and while I'm okay with that, I'm _not_ okay with that happening without you knowing what I feel. Your lack of response to my kiss was frustrating."

"I- I know. I'm sorry."

Ka-clik! There was a flash as Nami took a picture. Warner immediately went back to munching lettuce, an unamused look on its face. I wondered what the visual den-den thought, being constantly used to record moments our navigator thought were cue, sweet, or blackmail-worthy. Did den-den mushi even think at all? Maybe if I tried talking to them without making a call, I could find out. Hmm… Experiment time.

My train of thought was suddenly broken when Coby started kissing me. It was surprising, though not unwelcome. When he pulled back to take a breath, I was about to ask what was going on, until I saw Ace-nii standing frozen in the doorway to the galley. I grinned.

"You passive-aggressive bastard," I whispered fondly.

"Only towards Ace-san. To be fair, he incinerated all my socks yesterday."

"He did? No one told me that." I immediately grabbed for my knitting bag to get started replacing what my brother had ruined. Coby sighed.

"Of course I didn't tell you Bluejay-san. Ace-san and I both know you'd take my side- he doesn't want you upset with him, and I don't want to rely on you to fight my battles for me. How can I call myself a man and a pirate if I can't stand up to your brother?"

"Mm, true." I leaned back against Coby's chest as I started knitting. "And I've already told him he can't hurt you, so you should be safe enough. I guess it's fine."

 **LLAMA**

She wasn't usually fond of fishing, but even Llama couldn't say no to shining reindeer eyes when Chopper turned her way, so here she was. Not that either of them was catching anything. Llama wanted to go read or work on her experiments, but any time she moved, there were those eyes again. Chopper was just too cute. And when his eyes sparkled like that… He looked so sad. She just couldn't leave the fluffy little doctor alone.

Llama reached out to pet the reindeer. He was so soft… Chopper squirmed and smiled at the attention. "That won't make me happy~"

"It makes me happy though."

"Oh. I guess it's okay then." Chopper's ears pricked forwards, his attention suddenly focused on something in the water. "Huh? What's that?"

"Hm?" Llama looked up. There was something bobbing in the ocean, small and dark. She flicked her fishing rod at it, eventually hooking the thing on her third try. It turned out to be a barrel.

Chopper sniffed at the sodden wood. "It smells funny. I don't think we should open it."

"What kind of funny?" Llama was picking up hints of gunpowder, but it was hidden beneath salt and fish.

"Like… That time-delay bomb you've been trying to develop, mixed with lamp oil and Zoro's socks."

Eyes going wide, Llama punted the barrel over the side, away from the _Thousand Sunny_ before any less cautious crew mates could see it. The smell Chopper described… It was some sort of signal flare with a long shelf life. But it was far too large- it didn't make sense! A signal flare that size would be visible for… She couldn't even calculate it, the scale was so much larger than her own flares.

The barrel splashed back into the water. Llama heaved a sigh of relief when it didn't blow- signal flares weren't designed to do damage, but one that large probably would anyway. She should've checked how to detonate the thing before she punted it. Oh well, too late now. It didn't seem to be an impact-detonated flare anyway.

Then Sora swooped overhead, dodging and rolling as he chatted on the snail with Vivi. A rain of fish bones, bent nails, and other debris followed the zoan user through the air. Sabo ran past behind Llama, the source of the airborne junk. His yelled obscenities reminded Llama of English classes back on her home world, what with their Shakespearian bent.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you to share, you cold-blooded, lizard-brained pooka?" The blue gentleman flung a sea king rib at Sora. For a moment Llama wondered where he'd found it- then she remembered that they'd caught a large serpent two days prior, and Kaya had kept some of the bones for medical experiments.

Sora shot up higher, but not fast enough to avoid the rib entirely. It glanced off his tail, striking static sparks- far, far to close to the barrel. Llama flinched and covered her ears. One of the sparks made the jump, hitting the barrel as the rainbow serpent pulled up. There was nothing Llama could do to prevent what happened next.

BOOM! Her ears were ringing; the _Sunny_ rocked. There was a flash of light as a small geyser shot into the air. Soot and boiling water rained down on the ship; the force of the explosion sent Sora tumbling through the air into the mast. A head of turquoise hair popped out of a porthole.

"Oi! Stick-sis, I told you three times already, no experiments on deck. I only reinforced the lab enough for that!"

"It wasn't me this time," Llama told Franky, gesturing out to sea. Not that there was anything left of the barrel for her to prove it.

"Then who was it?"

"Strange barrel flair. Sabo and Sora set it off."

The cyborg growled. "Blue-bro, Rainbow-bro… Your asses are grass when I get ahold of you! You better not've damaged our ship!"

 **SORA**

Franky had taken snail privileges from both him and Sabo for setting off an unknown explosive so close to the _Sunny_. The only reason he didn't do worse was his preoccupied distraction as he checked the hull for damage. When Sora protested, the cyborg told him to shut up and take it like a man. Sabo tried to play the "you're not the captain" card; Franky's response was to take the issue to Luffy. The rubber captain promptly confiscated all den-den mushi and disappeared into the ASLB cabin to call Dadan.

Sabo scowled at Sora. "This wouldn't have happened if you'd just surrendered the snail. Perhaps we should instigate a daily time limit so _everyone_ can speak with their girlfriends."

"I was in the middle of something!" Sora protested. "I couldn't just stop in the middle- hockey's complicated and important!"

"What's complicated and important about a bunch of men skating around, trying to hit a puck into a net with sticks, and tackling each other into the snow?"

"Well yeah, it sounds simple when you say it that way, but there's more to it than that! There's rules and strategies! Team rivalries!" A stray thought flickered into Sora's head; he grinned. "I bet you'd like Don Cherry."

"Who?"

"Famous hockey announcer known for his… _special_ fashion sense."

The blond groaned. "Why does this matter so much to you anyway?"

"I'm a Canadian- even if I don't play hockey myself, knowing all about it is a point of national pride."

Sabo shot him an incredulous look. "I'm _Luffy_ 's older brother- I _enjoy_ insanity- and that seems bizarre even to _me_. Does everyone in Canada feel like that?"

"Not all the time, but during certain events…" Sora shrugged. "Almost wish I had a Canada/Russia game to show you. Those are always special."

"No thank you." Sabo made a face and wandered away- probably to listen in on Luffy's conversation with Dadan.

Sora chuckled and flew up to sit on top of the crow's nest. He found it amusing- back home he hadn't really been much of a hockey fan. Mostly around the Winter Olympics, when national pride was high and the family gathered together to watch. Now… Now it was something familiar and pleasant, nostalgic. The zoan user almost missed the rampant hockey obsession of his homeland.

Dark clouds rolled in like a heard of black sheep; the sky grew dark unnaturally quickly. Sora shivered as the wind picked up. His fruit's instincts didn't sense much excess water in the clouds though- not a storm. Or at least, not yet. That could change quickly enough on the Grand Line.

By the time Sora felt chilly enough to fly down and get his coat, a dense mist was rising off the water. It felt thick and clammy on his skin. The mist made it difficult to see more than a couple meters from the ship- or even from one end of the _Sunny_ to the other. An un-Straw-Hat-like silence fell as an unexplainable sense of dread creeped over the crew.

Llama seemed especially anxious. It was probably due to her time in the Rainbow Mists- although time didn't pass normally there, so Sora had no idea how long those thirteen years seemed to the demolitions expert. The rainbow serpent edged over to his sworn cousin and wrapped one wing around her shoulders. Llama blinked up at him gratefully.

"You're not alone this time. We won't let you get lost in the mist again."

"I know. Thanks."

Their progress slowed to a crawl. Sora took the helm back from Sanji- who'd been minding it while he was on the phone- while the larger portion of the crew took up lookout duty. The last thing they needed was to run aground in the mist. Franky furled the sails and told Sora to use the paddlewheels in case they had to turn quickly.

Bluejay's voice rang out from her post at the bow. The effect was rather creepy. Sora would've thrown something at his cousin to encourage her to be quiet, had he been able to see exactly where she was.

"Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for me!"

A few seconds into the song, Bluejay was cut off by a light smack. Conis' voice followed. "Please stop that Bluejay. You're scaring Chopper. And you shouldn't be on watch until you get new glasses anyway; I'll take your post."

"But I wanna help!"

"Then why didn't you get new glasses while Franky was building the _Thousand Sunny_?"

"Couldn't find an optometrist on my own, and Ace-nii was too busy to come with me."

"…I revise my earlier diagnosis. You four _are_ codependent."

Several minutes passed in heavy silence. Even the paddlewheels and the lapping of the waves against the ship were muted. Unable to see through the mist, Sora had no way to judge their progress. Any landmarks were too well hidden. They could be less than a kilometer from an island and not see a thing.

The _Thousand Sunny_ had been sailing blind for over an hour when Sora heard a low, eerie hum. At first he thought it was some wind finally rising in the distance. As it grew louder though, the helmsman picked out words- someone was singing. And it was even creepier than what Bluejay was doing earlier.

"Yo-ho-ho-ho! yo-ho-ho-ho… Yo-ho-ho-ho! yo-ho-ho-ho…"

"Bluejay!" Nami snapped from somewhere to Sora's left, "Stop being creepy!"

 **BLUEJAY**

"It's not me this time!" I shouted, squinting into the mist. Beside me, Conis shook her head. Not at my denial- she knew it wasn't me- but at my continued insistence on trying to keep watch.

Something was there though- I could sort-of see it, a large, dark shape in the mist. It was slowly growing larger, coming up on our port side. No less blurry though. I pointed at it. "Conis… Am I just imagining it, or is there something there?"

"Hmm… Maybe. Let's see if I can get a better look." Conis fiddled with the dials on her bazooka and aimed it at the shadow. "Virgo!"

A blast of wind tore through the mist between us and the shadow, revealing a black blur with fluttering grey bits and a couple of shiny areas. I squinted harder, but nothing became clearer. The thing was surprisingly close, but that was all I could tell.

"What is it?" I asked, turning to Conis. Our therapist continued to stare up at the huge blur.

"It's a ship."

Not far from us, Usopp shrieked. "S-skeleton! That thing's haunted!"

"Haunted?" A tearful Chopper galloped across the deck and clung to Zoro's leg. Our first mate sighed and patted our doctor's head.

I cringed, wondering if our resident ghost had heard them. It was impossible to tell where Rocinante was at any given time. Then again, Only Sora, Llama, and I knew the clumsy ghost was onboard. We still hadn't told anyone else; the rest of the crew only had bad experiences with ghosts, so we weren't sure how they'd react. I hoped Usopp and Chopper's fear wouldn't hurt Roci's feelings.

Kaya flicked Usopp in the forehead. "A skeleton doesn't mean the ship is haunted. It just means someone died there."

"But if it's not haunted, where's the creepy singing coming from?"

Nii-chan bounded over to the rail, eyes turning to stars as he stared at the massive ship. "So cool! Let's check it out!" Rubber arms immediately stretched to the rail above us. Before Nii-chan could rocket over though, a gloved hand closed over his shoulder.

"Wait a second Lu," Sabo-nii said with a smile. "Give us a minute to grapple on so the ships don't get separated and strand whoever goes up there."

"Okay…" Luffy pouted, but consented to waiting.

Franky had five grappling hooks we could use to latch onto the larger ship. As soon as we were secure, Luffy rocketed up an over, leaving me, Zoro, Nami, and Ghin to climb up a ladder behind him. Captain Snappy rode up on Zoro's shoulder. When we got up on deck, we were in for a shock. A towering skeleton with an afro stood by the mast- under its own power- and tipped its top hat in greeting.

"Yohohohohoho! Hello there!"

"Hi!" Nii-chan bounced excitedly. "I'm Monkey D Luffy, and I'm gonna be king of the pirates! Who're you?"

"My name is Brook. It's a pleasure to meet you Mr Luffy." The skeleton looked over at Nami. "And you Miss… May I see your panties?"

"No way in Hell!" Our navigator jabbed her clima-tact at Brook's head. He giggled.

"And might I ask the rest of your names?" the skeleton asked, sipping tea as if Nami's weapon _hadn't_ almost lodged in his eye socket. The tea disappeared instead of pouring down onto the ground- cool!

"Roronoa Zoro. And this is Captain Snappy."

"Nami."

"Ghin."

"Bluejay. Luffy's my big brother- one of them, anyway."

Luffy beamed and patted my head as he looked up at Brook. "Hey, Mr Skeleton… Do you poop?"

"Don't just ask people that!" Nami's eyes glowed red as she whacked my brother over the head with her clima-tact. "Sorry about him Brook- you don't have to answer that."

The skeleton finished his tea with a chuckle. "It's fine. And to answer your question, Mr Luffy… yes, I do."

Nii-chan sparkled; Ghin groaned. "You shouldn't _encourage_ him." Our tattoo artist reflexively pressed his hand against his jar of dirt, only to jump and pull it away, staring at his jar in confusion.

"No, I really don't mind Mr Ghin. It makes a nice change; I don't exactly have many visitors out here."

Captain Snappy jumped down from Zoro's shoulder and began sniffing Brook's feet. The skeleton put his teacup on a broken barrel and bent with a chuckle, moving to pat the raptor's hed. Chirping thoughtfully, Snappy reached up and started gnawing on the skeleton's ulna. Brook shrieked; Zoro growled and darted forward to grab his pet.

"No!" Our swordsman grabbed his raptor and pulled Snappy away. "Bad boy! Don't chew on people unless you're fighting them!"

"Sho…" Snappy hung his head. Nii-chan started laughing so hard he had to lean on Ghin to stay upright.

"Shishishishi! You're funny!" Luffy wiped tears of mirth from his eyes. "Ne, Mr Skeleton… Will you join my crew?"

This probably should've been surprising, but it wasn't. A talking skeleton didn't seem strange when your crew involved a velociraptor, a large number of Devil Fruit users, people who spoke to their weapons, a cyborg, and a navigator who controlled the weather. And we were used to Luffy deciding he wanted someone on the crew by now. A quick quiet-talk conversation showed that Zoro, Ghin, and I were all in favour of Brook as a new crew mate; Nami was against, but that was probably because he'd asked to see her panties.

"I would love to," Brook answered my brother. "But I'm afraid I cannot join you at this time."

Nii-chan pouted. "At least have supper with us?"

"That I can do, Mr Luffy, that I can do."

Brook climbed down to the _Thousand Sunny_ with us. His arrival on deck as heralded by Usopp and Chopper's screams. Our sniper had switched from his usual outfit into something with a cape and plumed hat. It made him look like a witch hunter from one of Sabo-nii's old stories. Llama giggled as she painted an anti-ghost rune on Usopp's cape. He didn't notice, too busy trying to ward Brook off with a clove of garlic. Sanji was _not_ amused by the misuse of food.

Then Llama looked up, her eyes going wide. She stopped painting and waved at the skeletal newcomer. "Hi Frederick!"

"Eh?" Brook looked confused. "I'm sorry Miss; I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone else."

"Oh…" Llama looked down, putting the final touches on the rune as Sanji grumbled that dinner was ready.

Ace-nii sidled over to Brook as everyone headed into the galley. My eldest brother's eyes were cold. "Did I hear you asking people to show you their panties?" Uh-oh. Big brother's perv radar had been activated.

"Yohohohohohoho! Indeed! But Miss Nami declined."

Grey eyes turned to me. "Blue?"

I shrugged. "He didn't ask me."

For a moment, Ace relaxed. Only a moment though, as Brook immediately moved to correct his oversight. "Miss Bluejay, would you mind-?"

On one hand, it would be embarrassing. On the other, it would freak Ace-nii out and I wanted to see what he'd do. Plus, it wasn't like Brook would see exactly what he was looking for anyway. "Okay." I rolled my tights down to the top of my socks.

"Blue!" Ace-nii lit up like a tiny sun. I heard chaos around me as a number of our crew mates called out variations of my name. A blue pall came over Brook.

"Miss Bluejay… It's not nice to trick people. Although I'm curious to know how you keep your boxers from showing folds or wrinkles through your tights."

Several fists slammed into my head- from size, temperature, and accompanying jewellery, it felt like Ace-nii, Sabo-nii, and Bon-chan. A stick also struck across my back. The combined blows sent me crashing into the deck; someone yanked my tights back into their proper position while I groaned dazedly into the wood.

Coby helped me up, his face even pinker than his hair. "Why did you do that Bluejay-san?"

"I wanted to see what would happen." Groaning again, I rubbed my bruised head. "Bad idea- very bad idea. Remind me not to do that again."

"You shouldn't have done it in the first place."

A few minutes later, we were all together in the galley. Sanji had gone a little crazy with octopus dishes- someone must've caught an octopus or twelve while Coby and I were after Zoro earlier. Blech. I didn't like octopus. It was too rubbery, like chewing on Nii-chan's fingers. And the suction cups… gross. Luckily there was eel soup with biscuits too. Sanji always made sure there was _something_ everyone would eat at each meal- although he also took pride in finding ways to get people to eat things they normally wouldn't. I knew full well his trick with the fish sauce and cucumbers.

Watching Brook was fascinating. Things just _disappeared_ once they'd entered his mouth. And he _farted_. How can a skeleton fart? I knew it had to be a Devil Fruit thing, but why would a fruit keep the ability to fart after death?

Nii-chan had ulterior motives in asking Brook to join us for supper- ulterior motives he was too impatient to keep quiet for long. "Ne, Brook, you said you can't join _right now_. So when can you?"

Usopp and Chopper squeaked; the skeleton shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid, Mr Luffy, that there's something I must do before I can even _think_ of joining a crew. And I'm unsure how long it will take."

Luffy bounced in his seat. "What is it? Maybe we can help you!"

"No, I could never ask that of you. Although I do appreciate your company. This is the best night I've had in fifty years."

Bon-chan drooped when he heard that. "What do you mean, Skele-boy?"

"I mean I've been alone for a very long time. They called me Humming Brook; I was a member of the Rumbar Pirates. We were ambushed a very long time ago and my crew mates were slain. I only survived due to the powers of the Yomi-Yomi no Mi but alas, by the time my soul returned to my body, I was nothing but bones!" Brook slumped. "I couldn't sail the ship on my own, so I've been drifting ever since. And then three years ago…"

The skeleton trailed off, staring into space. Llama leaned close to me as we continued eating. "Do _all_ swordsmen have a bad sense of direction?"

"Oro?"

"Zoro's… Zoro, Kaku got on our ship by accident, and Brook took so long to find his body that all his flesh decayed."

"Huh. Maybe?" I'd never thought about it before. Was that how Johnny and Yosaku had ended up on that random rock in the East Blue? How about Mihawk? Was he lost when he stumbled into Krieg's crew? "But what makes you think Brook's a swordsman?"

"His cane smells like the oil Zoro uses for polishing."

Sabo-nii tried to steal one of my biscuits; I rapped his knuckles with my spoon. This triggered a brawl at one end of the table as my brothers and I fought each other for food. For once I was at an advantage, as I wasn't interested intaking anything with octopus in it and was thus merely defending my own supper. The brawl slowly expanded as one by one our crew mates were drawn in- usually by Nii-chan taking something from their plate when he couldn't get past Ace-nii.

Brook stared at us in confusion. As he wasn't yet part of the crew, even Luffy wouldn't touch his plate. The crew tattoo also functioned as a release form of sorts- by taking it, you acknowledged that your actions and injuries were your own responsibility, your sanity (or lack thereof) was in your own hands, and that your food was up for grabs if you didn't defend it adequately. Although we'd never discussed this. It was an unwritten rule that had taken Franky by surprise when he and Robin got their marks.

Eye sockets turned to stare at a wall. "Are they always like this?"

Our entire crew froze. Talking to weapons, even Conis had accepted by now. Talking to walls- now _that_ was crazy. Our therapist pulled out her clipboard and started making notes, mumbling to herself about isolation, sensory deprivation, and self-image. "Not multiple personalities, if it's external… Maybe a form of schizophrenia? Or simply a small delusion, an imaginary companion to talk to over the years… To be expected, I suppose."

I glanced at the wall, seeing nothing. Unless… Could Brook see Rocinante? He'd been dead himself- that could do it. I bit my lip and rubbed my eyes, ending by drawing my thumb across my mouth to draw a grotesque parody of a smile. Only Llama and Sora knew what I was asking. Everyone else knew I'd said _something_ though. Nii-chan pouted.

"Blue, what's going on? Tell me, tell me!"

"Um, well… Remember the haunted hotel in Skellingtown?" My brother nodded, shuddering. I continued. "Well, there was a _good_ ghost there too, and he came with us."

"His name's Trafalgar D Rocinante," Sora put in. "He wanted to leave the island so he could find his son."

Llama nodded. "We can't see or hear him except on Halloween, so we didn't know if we should bother telling."

"You mean the _Sunny_ 's haunted?" Usopp paled. I facepalmed.

"And _that's_ why we weren't sure we should tell. Didn't want you panicking and hurting Roci's feelings. He's a good guy- just a giant klutz. So no trying to exorcise him."

Brook nodded at the wall and turned to Sora. "Mr Rocinante says he's flattered, but his family name isn't Trafalgar D. The son he told you about is adopted."

"Oh. Sorry Roci." Sora turned back to his food.

Sanji soon brought out dessert. Mm, cupcakes. Chocolate and sweet, with shiny salty caramel icing. Sora's eyes turned into stars; he leapt to his feet, pointing at our chef dramatically. "Dessert muffins!"

Groaning, Ghin fell forward to bash his head against the table. "I thought you were one of the sane ones."

"Nope! All's fair in love and muffins!"

Sabo-nii reached over to pat our tattoo artist on the shoulder. "Just accept it Ghin. We're all a little crazy, and you love us."

"Yes, yes. But would an ounce of common sense be too much to ask?"

Bon-chan leaned over and rubbed Ghin's back. "We're on the Grand Line, Devil-boy. Of course it is."

Ghin pressed his hand against his jar of dirt- then immediately flinched and pulled away. I squinted at the jar, trying to see if there was a sharp edge or a chip. Couldn't see anything though. Brook laughed.

"Yohohohohohoho! You're certainly an interesting bunch. You make my heart so light- or you would, if I _had_ a heart!"

Everyone groaned at the joke- even the little creepy phantom coming through the wall. Wait- what? It wasn't Halloween- not even close! A ghost _couldn't_ be visible right now! I smelled a Devil Fruit at work. Especially when the phantom was able to pass through Usopp's rune-painted cape without harm.

When Brook saw the phantom, he jumped to his feet in surprise. It didn't do anything to him- just giggled and flew away- but the skeleton was clearly shaken. He was trembling so hard, it looked like he would run away at the sight of his own shadow- if he had one! No, bad Blue; that was an inappropriate joke. Only Brook could poke fun at his own death.

Wait, back up… _WHAT?_

"Why don't you have a shadow?" I blurted out. Everyone turned to look at the floor by Brook's feet-except Nami, who smacked me upside the head.

"Bluejay! You can't just ask people why they don't have shadows!"

"Why not?" I rubbed my head.

Brook sighed. "No Miss Nami, it's alright. I should warn you anyway. This area is the territory of one of the Shichibukai- Gekko Moria. He stole my shadow- until I get it back, I can't set foot in sunlight. If I do, I'll turn to dust."

"That's so sad!" Usopp and Chopper hugged each other as they started to bawl.

Nii-chan suddenly looked serious. "We'll just have to get your shadow back then. After we kick Moria's ass, you can join our crew. Moria's not Koala's shichi-bucket, right Sabo?"

"Right. Jinbe's the one we can't fight."

"Then that's it. We'll fight Moria and get Brook's shadow."

"Mr Luffy…" A tear leaked out of one of the skeleton's eye sockets. Before he could say anything else though, an ominous clang echoed through the air.

Kaya frowned and looked out a portal. "What was that?"

"The gates of Hell closing over our ship like the jaws of a giant hound?" Robin's suggestion made Usopp and Chopper cry even harder.

Llama giggled. "You're funny Robin."

Hearts in his eyes, Sanji noddle-danced. "You're so beautiful when you're being morbid, Robin-swan!"

Brook cleared his non-existent throat. "Actually, Miss Robin isn't too far off. That's the sound of Thriller Bark closing its jaws over your ship. The island has captured her prey."

"The island's alive?!" Usopp's shriek was so high I was surprised his throat didn't start bleeding.

"No, but she does move. It makes it hard to track her down." Skeletal fingers clenched over the head of a worn cane. "Now, if you'll excuse me Mr Luffy… I must take my leave. My shadow is near."

Tipping his hat, the afro-bearing skeleton took off. Our crew followed him out onto the deck, just in time to see him leap down and… run across the water to shore? So cool! I felt my eyes turn to stars. How was brook doing that? Could anyone learn, or did you have to be a skeleton? I wanted to run on water too!

There was a rubber slap as Nii-chan thumped his fist into his opposite hand. "Okay! We're gonna go kick Moria's ass and get Brook's shadow so he can join our crew! Who's gonna keep an eye on Kaku?"

No one volunteered, so we drew straws. I got the short one, much to my chagrin. While everybody else was getting ready to go to shore on the _Moon Boat_ and the _Mini Merry_ , I sat on the rail and pouted. Ace-nii came over and patted my head.

"Oi, Lu! Can't someone else keep watch? I don't like leaving Blue alone out here."

Before my rubber brother could agree, Nami thumped him over the head. "Don't even think about it! We won't be gone long, and you four need to start acting your ages!"

"But Nami!" Luffy pouted and rubbed his head. Our navigator scowled.

"No buts!"

And so I soon found myself watching as my crew mates grew blurry and disappeared against the backdrop of the dark island. It didn't take long until I couldn't see them anymore. Shrugging, I went back to the galley to put together some dinner for Kaku. Everyone had forgotten to feed him in the excitement.

 **CAPTAIN SNAPPY**

Sticky hard webs? Where had they all come from? You'd need a spider the size of Oldest Landing Float to make this much web! Snappy carefully avoided touching the strands as he, Ma, and Pops tried to find a way deeper into Moving Dark Island. No matter how mighty his jaws, he could do nothing if they were stuck shut.

Pops didn't like the webs either. After trying to find a way around them for a while, he groaned and grabbed Ma around the waist. Snappy scrambled up onto Ma's shoulder- he didn't want to be forgotten, which happened sometimes when Pops got frustrated. Ma yelped when Snappy dug his claws in for balance. That yelp turned into an indignant yell as Pops grabbed something Snappy couldn't see and rocketed the three of them over the webs.

Snappy trilled happily as they flew, the air ruffling his quills. He wished he had proper feathers and wings like Spade- flying was fun! The little raptor couldn't understand why Skin Picture Maker was so afraid of it.

They landed in some sort of manmade canyon. Leaping off Ma's shoulder, Snappy chirped with joy. If Prey Who Is Pack was there, he'd have asked the doctor to get them to do it again. But the deer was with another group, and they were supposed to be helping Bones That Are Not For Eating anyway. No time for games.

Bones That Are Not For Eating was funny. Snappy hoped he joined the pack.

Something growled farther along the canyon. Ma, Pops, and Snappy turned in unison to look. The source of the noise was a great, rotting hulk of a beast. And yet, despite the rot, it was still alive. It also appeared to be made of parts from many other animals. When Snappy sniffed, he smelled something dark and mildew as well as the reek of death. It was very confusing. Snappy voiced his opinion with a trill.

Ma and Pops didn't understand him. Ma had drawn White Sword; Pops' eyes became stars. "Zoro! Zoro! Zoro! It's a three-headed dog! Can we keep it?"

"I don't think it wants to be kept."

Frowning, Snappy sniffed as the beast charged them. It may have had three heads, but it was no dog. Two of the heads had come from hounds, yes, but the third was from a fox. Whoever made it- and it had to be manmade, Snappy could see the stitches- was a lazy ass. And not as good at sewing as Hunting Bird Girl.

Patchwork Triple Dog Fox tried to bite Ma and Pops at the same time. Its middle head snarled at Snappy, but couldn't reach him. Darting in past drooling jaws, Snappy clamped his teeth over a desiccated foreleg. It tasted like stale bacon. At the same moment, Ma and Pops launched their own retaliations against the mismatched creature.

"Ittoryu Iai: Shishi Sonson!"

"Gomu-Gomu no Bullet!"

Two of the three heads slammed into the ground, one bleeding. The third head ducked to get at Snappy. He raked his claws across its nose, hissing as he released the dried limb he'd bitten. Then Pops' voice rang out.

"Hey! You're not a three-headed dog at all! One head's a fox!"

Three heads whined in unison. The beast stood down, curling its tail over its feet and sulking. Snappy snorted. Pathetic. Even Nose Who Lies had more of a back bone than that. Actually, that was being unfair. Nose Who Lies had a lot of backbone- he just rarely used it.

"Aww, it's okay. I like you anyways." Pops patted Patchwork Triple Dog Fox on its central head. "Now… Show us how to get out of here!"

Growling, the mismatched beast made a show of resistance- or possibly loyalty to its maker. Pops frowned and slammed a fist down on one of its heads again. "Bad puppy!"

"Arooo…" Patchwork Triple Dog Fox whined and drooped. Pops climbed onto its back, patting and scratching affectionately. Once he was seated, he kicked his heels into the beast's flanks.

"Come on, where's the exit? Mush!"

Tongues lolling out, Patchwork Triple Dog Fox took off at a trot. Snappy trilled and was about to dash off right behind, until he realized that Ma wasn't moving. The little raptor stopped and chirped.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Ma sheathed White Sword and took off running. Unfortunately for both of them, Pops and Patchwork Triple Dog Fox were already out of sight.

 **SORA**

The fence of spider webs was confusing, but not particularly troublesome. Although it did mean he had to make several trips to fly his team over. Chopper was fine; Sora was perfectly happy to carry the tiny, adorable doctor around all day. But Franky was heavy even now that he could use his proper zoan half-form, and Sabo may have been a gentleman, but he fidgeted as much as Ace or Luffy. The blond almost fell off three times and his motions chafed the rainbow serpent's scales. And then there was Robin. She thankfully no longer teased him like she had in Skypeia, but that didn't mean carrying her was any less awkward. Especially when he could feel her chest pressing between his wings with every flap. And he was _sure_ she was doing it on purpose.

"Why don't you ever mess with any of the others?" Sora grumbled. The archaeologist chuckled.

"You just happen to be the most fun, Rainbow Thief. The only ones who react as you do are Sniper-san and Pink-san, and I don't particularly feel like finding out what Nurse-chan and Tiger-chan would do if I spent too much time tormenting their boyfriends."

Yet another reason to wish Vivi had been able to stay on the crew. Sora sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It was getting long; he should cut it soon. Although he wasn't as bad as Ace and Sabo- the eldest Monkey brothers both had wavy locks brushing past their shoulders at this point.

Sabo beamed as Sora resumed human form. "Well then, where to first? The graveyard, or the giant creepy mansion in the middle of the dark forest?"

Robin hummed. "Such a tough decision. Can't we explore both?"

"We don't have time for that." Sabo shook his head and tapped his pipe thoughtfully. "Let's see… Lu and Zoro are probably already lost… Ace's team will probably go for the mansion… I guess that leaves the graveyard for us."

And so they set out. Walking through a graveyard in search of a shadow was _not_ fun- except perhaps for Robin. And maybe Sabo, as the gentleman wore a disturbing smile while he was poking around graves with his pipe. Sora frowned. The dirt _did_ look abnormally freshly disturbed for how old the gravestones were. Then Sabo scooped up a bit of earth into a paper bag he pulled from his pocket, and even Robin was disturbed.

"What?" The former noble blinked. "Graveyard dirt's used in a lot of rituals. Blue and I are both out- forgot to restock back in Skellingtown."

Robin smiled. "How careless of you, Chronicler-san. Really, for being the smart siblings, you and Tiger-chan can be very absent-minded."

Before anyone else could speak, a pair of hands clawed their way out of the grave. They were followed by a stitched-together head, complete with metal studs embedded in its neck. Sora froze, remembering nights spent watching bad old monster movies with his uncles. And then the thing spoke.

"Who's scooping dirt of my lawn?"

Seeing someone who was clearly a corpse move and talk made Chopper shriek in fear. The little doctor scrambled up on Franky's shoulders, clinging to the cyborg and burying his face in turquoise hair. Sora shuddered and acted on instinct, whipping out his tail to punt the zombie's head far, far away before it could finish climbing out of the grave. It let out a shriek of outrage as it flew. The body finished climbing out, but it actually ended up being kind of funny. With no eyes to see where it was going, the zombie crashed through the graveyard, flailing wildly, before falling into what appeared to be a freshly-dug grave some ways off.

Almost immediately, a number of other graves began to shift, zombies popping out like daisies. Too many to fight, although for a moment it looked like Sabo might try. But a look at a cowering Chopper made the gentleman decide otherwise. The pirates took off, several dozen of the walking dead on their heels. Sticks and damp grass poked and slapped at them as they scrambled through a neglected garden. Curiously enough, the zombies slowed as their quarry approached the west wing of the dark manor, trailing behind and eventually disappearing into the night- although their grumbling and snarling could still be heard from some ways off.

Their path led them to a heavy wooden door adorned with an ornate brass knocker. Sabo raised an eyebrow and grabbed the shiny gargoyle, knocking loudly- before just kicking the door open and walking in without waiting for an answer.

"Why knock if we're just gonna barge in anyway?" Sora wanted to know. Sabo spun his pipe.

"It's only polite. Now anyone living in the area knows we're here."

Franky raised an eyebrow. "I think you've got a bit of a weird idea of politeness Blue-bro."

"Says the man who didn't think a pirate ship needed a brig."

Inside, the mansion reminded Sora of old _Scooby Doo_ episodes- everything from the musty red carpet to the creepy old pictures on the walls. The zoan user felt like the paintings were watching him; he could've sworn he saw a couple of their eyes move. Searching for a light switch yielded nothing- although a massive chandelier flickered to life without prompting as the pirates moved into the hall. Behind them, the door slammed shut.

And then it started raining place-settings.

The first few plates shattered on the floor. Then one almost hit Robin in the face; Franky stopped it with his steel forearm. Sabo spun his pipe, smashing a number of plates mid-air. Transforming, Sora shielded Chopper with his wings and awkwardly grabbed tableware as it fell. And they weren't all knives, either. The rainbow serpent tested one of the knives with his claws. Real silver, nice. Sora began to collect the cutlery from the oncoming rain.

It took a minute to pinpoint where the flying tableware was coming from. Sora was weirdly disoriented when he saw a blonde woman standing atop a flight of stairs- his instincts weren't picking up enough water there to register a living human. And the stitches on her face… She must be another zombie.

"Dream Impulse!" Sora used his wings to fan the sleeping gas towards the zombie. It didn't affect her at all. Oh well, it was worth a try.

Sabo looked at Sora and Franky. "Cover me!"

While the cyborg nodded and flipped his artillery into position, the half-dragon was left with confusion. "Wait- how'm I supposed to do that? I have a _hammer_!"

A gloved hand gestured to the cutlery Sora had accumulated. "I'm sure you can work something out."

"Wha-? Oh!" He wasn't a ranged fighter, but quick flicks of his wrists six knives and forks at a time. Not a one of Sora's projectiles hit their mark, but they worked as a distraction. Franky fared better, shooting plates out of the air.

With cover fire achieved, Sabo darted forwards and raced up the stairs. The former noble swung his pipe through the zombie woman's knees, knocking her to the floor. Her arsenal of tableware shattered and scattered. Right before steel struck a stitched skull, a portly man with a hooked nose appeared from a doorway.

"Wait! Cindry, you idiot, stop! Stop hurting her Top Hat!"

Sabo paused, considering. "Why should I? She attacked us first. And who're you?"

"We did enter _her_ house without permission," Robin pointed out without a hint of remorse.

"My name is Doctor Hogback," the portly man said, "And this is _my_ house. Cindry is my assistant."

Chopper's eyes turned to stars. "You're _the_ Doctor Hogback?"

"Yes."

Franky looked at the reindeer in confusion. "You know this guy Candy-bro?"

"I know _of_ him. Hogback's legendary- he's responsible for _dozens_ of medical advances in the last twenty years!" Chopper waved his hooves for emphasis. Then he froze, suddenly sad. "But Doctor Hogback disappeared one day. Everyone thought he was dead. It's such an honour to actually meet him!"

The strange doctor smiled- not a nice smile. "Yes, I disappeared, but not of my own volition. They would have taken my medical license if they knew about my next project, those small-minded fools- research into bringing back the dead. I came out here with my patron for some peace and quiet. And it worked. They said I was _mad_ , but it _worked_!"

Eyes shining in awe, Chopper clapped his hooves. "But why would they take your license for that? People would _want_ to see their loved ones again, get closure… It's amazing!"

Sora wasn't so sure. Saving someone from the brink of death, or even dealing with ghosts- those he could handle. But the zombies were just creepy. There was something dead wrong about them.

Hogback beamed at Chopper's reaction. "Finally! Someone who understands! Would you like to see my lab?" When the reindeer nodded, the human doctor turned to his assistant. "Cindry! Make us some snacks and bring them to the operating room!"

"I hope you smash your head on a plate and die." The zombie's voice was a perfect monotone as she insulted her master and left.

The Straw Hats followed Hogback down a flight of twisted stone stairs into his basement. Sora didn't think this was a good idea, at least for him- his half-form was too large to be good in enclosed spaces- but no one had the heart (or lack thereof) to argue with their adorable doctor. So down they went, into a damp room full of scientific doodads that Sora didn't understand. It looked like something from an old _Frankenstein_ movie. Specifically the 1931 adaptation starring Colin Clive and Boris Karloff that his uncle liked to watch every Halloween.

What followed was a series of burst of medical jargon from Chopper and Hogback. Everyone else more-or-less ignored them; Sora kept watch by the stairs, Sabo tapped the walls with his pipe as if looking for secret doors, Franky poked about at some of the equipment, and Robin examined a moth-eaten tapestry. Then Cindry arrived holding a still-hot muffin tray. Sora frowned.

"Wouldn't it be easier to put them on a plate?"

The zombie stared at him. "I hate plates. They should all be smashed and die."

"Plates… Can't… Die…" Sora could feel his brain break a little. Was this how Ghin felt when weird things happened?

Hogback waved a hand. "Don't worry about her. Cindry can't feel pain or heat, and it doesn't damage her. She'll be fine. Although plates _would_ make things easier on _us_."

Shrugging, Sora plucked a muffin out of the tray. His claws here heat resistant enough, and he'd never say no to his favourite food. Mm, white chocolate… The half-dragon munched happily while Chopper and the creepy doctor continued talking. When none of his crew mates seemed interested, Sora shrugged and claimed the entire muffin tray for himself.

"Why do you hate plates?" the rainbow serpent asked Cindry as he waited for the doctors to be done. She didn't answer; apparently zombies weren't very good conversationalists.

It took until Sora had eaten all the muffins for Chopper and Hogback to finish discussing things in medical jargon. Emerging from the delicious haze, the rainbow serpent felt his blood run cold. _Not again; this can't be happening_ _ **again**_! He snarled and whipped his mallet into his hands. When he spoke, his voice came out as a growl.

" _Where's Robin_?" Sora couldn't believe he'd let her disappear- just like in Water Seven. Except she had the tattoo now- she _wouldn't_ have run off again.

Sabo and Franky looked up from their investigations. "What?"

No one but Cindry had come down the stairs while they were here, which meant that for Robin to disappear, there had to be a secret entrance. Sabo just hadn't found it yet. Rainbow scaled darkened until Sora looked like a shimmering oil slick as he stalked over to Hogback. Ice blue eyes burned.

"Robin- where is she?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Hogback's squeak was less convincing than one of Usopp's tall tales. Even so, Chopper leapt to defend him.

"Sora! Doctor Hogback's a medical miracle worker- he would _never_ have anything to do with Robin's disappearance!"

The rainbow serpent growled in the back of his throat. Anger- at himself, at Hogback, and even at his own crew mate's ignorance. Dragon had called Sora innocent, but that didn't mean he was blind to the history of his old world. "Chopper… Those _aren't_ mutually exclusive. Medical miracles can come from tragedy, cruelty, war…" A great-aunt, never met, lost to ignorance and fire. A grandfather shot for defending his family. Sora closed his eyes and drew a shuddering breath.

"Hogback, Cindry, us… No one else was here. It's _his_ , house. Even if he didn't do it, he knows who did and how it happened."

Steel tapped on stone as Sabo returned to searching for secret doors with renewed urgency. Hogback quailed under Sora's questioning glare. Then, to everyone's surprise, the doctor pissed himself and fainted. Sora huffed, his fangs cutting into his lip. Chopper looked horrified.

"What did you _do_?"

"Nothing. As Brandy would say, he's just a wimp."

Tap, tap, tap, tock. Sabo's pipe rapped against a hollow wall. "I found something! Franky, help me get it open!"

From the look on his face, Sabo expected the cyborg to come over and examine the wall, help him find the edges of the door and pry it open, or uncover a hidden latch. Instead, Franky opened one hand and fired on the hollow area. "Weapons Left!"

Soon the Straw Hats were treated to the sight of a dark hallway full of fresh rubble. Sora blinked. "Well, that's one way to open a door."

Sabo sighed, then smiled and bowed his crew mates in. "After you."

 **LLAMA**

The spider webs burned wonderfully. She wished she had the time and equipment to gather some for experimentation. As it was, Llama had to be content with watching them wither and char before Ace's flames and her bombs. It made a tunnel that glowed orange through the sticky thicket.

Their group was the largest- mostly due to the ease of burning through the webs. When they emerged, the main body of the Straw Hat crew found themselves in a dark and creepy forest. Some of the trees appeared to be covered in stitches and faces. Off in the distance was what appeared to be a unicorn made of an amalgamation of horse and deer parts. Wind whistling through the leafless branches reminded Llama of Halloween in Skellingtown.

Kaya took samples as they went along. When asked why, she said it was in case they had any medically interesting properties. But it was just as likely a search for new toxins.

They were well into the forest when Usopp suddenly let out a shriek. The sniper jumped into Ghin's arms. Kaya giggled; the tattoo artist made a face and deposited his unexpected burden on the ground. Ace raised an eyebrow. "What happened?"

"G-g-g-ghost!" Usopp pointed off into the trees somewhere.

Llama rolled her eyes. "Ghosts can only come out on Halloween, Usopp."

"Yeah? Then what do you call that? It was on the ship too!"

Round head, whispy body, no discernible hands, an inhuman smile. It wasn't a ghost, but it was definitely creepy. Llama felt a shiver run up her spine; her instincts screamed out against something _wrong_ \- like a collection of bad thoughts flying through the air. When it came back towards them, the demolitions expert blurted out the first warning that popped into her head.

"Don't cross the streams!"

"Jinkies Llama! Did you have to shout in my ear?" Coby stared at Llama with reproach as he dove out of the phantom's way. She shrugged.

"Sorry."

Sanji hadn't moved fast enough; the phantom passed right through him. Collapsing to his knees, the cook let out a strangled moan. "I'm such a shitty little Eggplant… Just chop me up and put me in a stew…"

That was… Mildly disturbing. Llama wondered where that particular nickname had come from. But at least they knew what the phantoms did now. Bon-chan hauled the cook to his feet and slapped him lightly across the face. It took five strikes for Sanji to perk up.

"Get a hold of yourself Swirly-boy! This isn't you!"

"Thanks…" Sanji rubbed his cheek.

Conis stared in the direction the phantom had vanished. "I wonder how it managed to create such a reaction so quickly- Sanji isn't predisposed towards depression. Do you think we could catch it so I could run some experiments?"

Kaya smiled and shrugged. "I don't know if I have anything that would sedate an incorporeal being. Perhaps we could find Franky-san's group and he could build you something?"

"There's two of them," Ghin groaned, " _Of course_ there's two of them." He reached for his jar of dirt, but pulled his hand back with a confused wince.

Nami raised an eyebrow at Conis. "You run _experiments_? But aren't you an arts major? I thought they wrote essays all day."

"Psychology is as much a science as botany or meteorology, I'll have you know. As for the essays… How _nice_ it must be to have a specialty where the correct answer is always clear-cut."

Ace whistled. "Nice burn."

"Thank you." Conis bowed. "I've been working on it since I dated a physics major during my undergrad." She made a face. "That relationship did _not_ go well."

Shortly after the incident with the phantom, rain started to pour down. The icy torrent soaked through Llama's scarf in seconds, rendering her explosives too damp to use. Bon-chan's makeup ran like turquoise tears as the Straw Hats proceeded through the trees. Wiping his eyes clear, the okama pouted at Nami.

"Can't you make it stop, Tangerine?"

"If I could, I already would've!"

Before Llama knew it, they'd arrived at the east wing of the dark manor. Usopp, not watching where he was going, actually ran right into the door with an echoing thud. The towering oak construct didn't so much as shake. Nami and Ace both pulled out lock picks and they reached the building, the navigator just ahead of the firecracker. Under Nami's deft ministrations, the lock quickly popped open.

There was no light as they stepped inside. Llama tried to get one of her magnesium flares lit, but even they were too soaked to function. Ace ended up acting as a torch- he lit himself up from within without letting any flames loose, to avoid setting any curtains or stray dust on fire. Not that there _was_ any dust. Despite being on a dark manor on a creepy, stitched together island, the manor seemed inhabited and well-cared-for. The curtains and carpets were all a vibrant, bloody red; the brass and glass gleamed in Ace's light.

Numerous paintings lined the walls. Their eyes seemed to follow the Straw Hats as they moved. Llama was _really_ tempted to light them on fire; oil paints burned well. Since her matches were too wet for that, she settled for changing the colours on one of the paintings so it couldn't stare at her anymore.

As well as being clean, the castle had modern, functional plumbing. They discovered this by stumbling into an absolutely enormous bathroom- the functionality of the plumbing was uncovered by Ace keeling over with a snore, flushing a toilet as he fell into it. Ghin sighed as he hauled the firecracker's head out of swirling water.

"Bon-chan, do you carry smelling salts? We need this one awake if something goes wrong."

The okama started digging through his pockets; Kaya raised a hand. "That won't work Ghin-san; Ace-san's narcolepsy isn't the same as your average faint."

"Well, what do we do then?"

Nami stepped off into a shower across the room. "Well, I'm gonna get cleaned up while you figure that out. Llama, Conis, you?"

Llama shook her head. She had no interest in bathing with others, despite the risks that sometimes came with her fruit. Most Devil Fruit users on the crew had a non-user they generally bathed with, because of the possibility of drowning. The demolitions expert hated seeing naked people though, so she always took the risk of being alone.

Conis had no such issues. The psychologist joined the navigator in the shower while the rest of the crew tried to figure out how to deal with Ace. They didn't have Chopper with them- and even if they did, the little doctor hadn't done any narcolepsy experiments since Skypeia. Kaya mixed a few things and gave Ace an injection, but it didn't seem to have any effect.

What ended up waking Ace- after about half an hour of trying- was a commotion in the shower. Nami's scream echoed off stone walls, followed by an explosion and a series of wet slaps. The shower door burst open. Steam poured out, followed by a distraught redhead and an angel with a bazooka. Both were dripping wet and naked; Sanji immediately noodled and passed out. Llama covered her eyes with a groan.

Ghin coughed. "You shower with your bazooka?"

"Yes, and it's a good thing I do. There was someone in there- or maybe some _thing_. It tried to molest Nami. I didn't see it, but I'm pretty sure I _hit_ it. There was a yelp after I shot."

"Any idea where it went?" Ace's voice was clogged with sleep.

"No. I couldn't see anything- although we might be able to track it. The steam… It might leave a water trail."

Llama groaned again. "Will you please put some clothes on?"

"Huh. We're naked. Sorry about that." Conis' voice was full of astonishment. There was a wet smack as Nami hit the angel upside the head. This was followed by the psychologist's groan. "Sorry, sorry. I was too worried about the invader; I forgot."

Rustling noises. A minute later, Bon-chan placed a hand on Llama's shoulder. "You can open your eyes now, Llamb-chan. They're dressed."

The demolitions expert uncovered her eyes with a nod of thanks. Sanji was up a moment later- Bon-chan's smelling salts may not do anything against narcolepsy, but they worked on the cook. He didn't seem to have been fully unconscious though, at least, not if his immediate reaction was anything to judge by. The cook leapt to his feet with a wild look in his eyes.

"Where's the shitty bastard who dared hurt Nami-swan?!"

Conis raised an eyebrow. "And what am I then, if Nami's your swan?"

Sanji turned an unflattering shade of maroon as he realized he'd neglected one of the ladies in danger. Ghin sighed and shook his head. "I guess he forgot you were one of the girls when we learned you shower with your bazooka. The only other person on the crew who bathes with their weapons is Zoro."

"Not true!" Usopp protested. "Bluejay and I do it too!"

Ace lit up like a bonfire. "How the Hell do you know what Blue does or doesn't do in the bath?!"

Usopp squeaked and hid behind Kaya. This didn't really help him, as it put the sniper close to Coby- who had just decided to practice one of the techniques he was working on. Ostensibly he was trying to clear some of the steam so they could see to start tracking, but Llama saw a massive flare of passive-aggressive anger in the boy's eyes. "Rankakyu!"

"Ouch!" Usopp leapt across the room, a slender line of blood and bruising appearing on his shoulder as his shirt tore.

Coby smiled, reminiscent of Sabo in a way that Llama wasn't entirely comfortable with. "Oops. Sorry, Usopp-san." He didn't sound sorry at all.

Clapping her hands, Conis got the group back on track. "Focus, everyone! It's _Nami_ 's honour that was assaulted! We need to track down that invisible creeper and make him pay- shoot him and cut out his tongue, and then shoot his tongue."

There was a rush of wind as Sanji disappeared out the door. Llama saw droplets of blood on the floor, flecked between a set of damp footprints. She wondered if the cook was actually following them. Probably not.

Ace shot Conis an odd look. "Weren't you just on Sabo's case at Christmas for being overly smiley about cruel and unusual punishment?"

The psychologist blinked in confusion. "What's cruel and unusual about that? Shooting a man, cutting out his tongue, and then shooting his tongue is the standard punishment for a rapist in Skypeia- has been for hundred of years."

Everyone stared. Llama was the first to break off, heading out of the room and following the blood flecks. She would deal with the culture shock later- likely by forgetting about it until it came up and shocked people again. No one had been expecting that. Up until now, Conis and the Skypeian culture had seemed so _normal_.

Unfortunately, following the blood yielded no sign of Sanji or any invisible men. Llama ended up deep in the bowels of the mansion with no idea where she was. Feeling like Zoro, she couldn't even find her way back to the others. Creepy portraits followed her every move. To avoid their gaze, Llama climbed into the ventilation system and continued her exploration that way.

And then she heard the scream.

 **BLUEJAY**

After feeding him, I brought Kaku out on deck- it made it easier to keep an eye on him while also watching the island. And even with my blurred sight, that was the only thing worth doing right now. I was so _bored_. At least, until I heard faint screams echoing across the water. I couldn't tell whose voice it was, although it was definitely familiar- someone from our crew. Staring out at the island, I tried to pinpoint the source of the noise- in part because I couldn't pick out any reference points on shore.

I _could_ see movement though. Something shifted on the beach, an amorphous mass that quickly slid towards the ship. Thumping noises; whatever it was, it was made of moving individuals rather than being some sort of blob. Good. I didn't know how to fight blobs.

Only when they started climbing the sides of the _Sunny_ could I see what was approaching. Mismatched body parts stitched together like macabre dolls- zombies. Lots of them. I looked over at Kaku.

"If I untie you, swear on your honour as a swordsman you won't run away or try to attack me."

The CP9 agent blinked. "Why?"

As if on cue, the first zombie popped over the rails. I drew my tanto, slicing through dead flesh in the same movement. "Ippon Tora Ryu: Battoujutsu!" The zombie's head rolled across the deck, gibbering. "That's why. In a few seconds, there's gonna be a lot more of these guys."

"Okay. But I don't have any swords."

I sliced through his rope bindings and unlocked the kairoseki manacles. "You have a Devil Fruit, don't you? Use your imagination!"

Seconds later, we were surrounded. I re-sheathed _Hatajirushi_ , more comfortable with my nekode against multiple opponents- at least until I realized that the zombies only stopped if I beheaded them. And even that left us with heads screaming and snapping around our ankles while their bodies staggered into each other or ran uselessly in circles. Kaku was doing well enough, launching rankakyus in every direction. I was forced to eschew my usual style to become more effective.

"Ippon Tora Ryu: Battoujutsu! Kiba! Tsume!"

There were just too many zombies, a tide of stitched flesh. For a moment they seemed to be slowing their advance, the last one on deck a large man-snake hybrid that had wound itself around Kaku's legs. Unable to use his most effective attack, the agent transformed. His weird nose attacks _did_ get the zombie off him. Unfortunately, Kaku's transformation attracted even _more_ zombies- and these ones were even more persistent. The newcomers totally ignored me in favour of swarming the giraffe.

Their mistake. Decapitating zombies from behind is easy.

Kaku bleated and bucked, firing our opponents into the air. "Beat it, bimbos! What's the deal? Why're you birds after me all of a sudden?"

One of the zombies seemed under the mistaken impression that we would let it go if it answered Kaku's question. "Moria-sama hates zoan users more than anything. We're under standing orders to deliver them to him, no matter the cost."

Sora. Chopper. What if one of them was the screamer? I lopped the zombie's head off as Kaku turned human again. Not long after, we ran out of opponents. It turned out that only so many of them had been close enough to see the giraffe transform. Although why they'd climbed aboard the _Sunny_ in the first place, I had no idea.

I turned to Kaku. We were both breathing heavily from fighting off the hoard. "Okay… You can at least be trusted as far as I can throw you. I've gotta go warn everyone that whoever controls the zombies has some sort of grudge against zoan users. You're coming with me."

"What? Why?"

"Do you _want_ to be here alone if more zombies come?"

Kaku eyed the heads chattering around our ankles. "You have a point Fly Girl. So… What do we do with these palookas?"

"Oro? Just toss 'em in the water." I shrugged. "They probably work through some sorta Devil Fruit, so that should keep 'em from coming back after us."

It didn't take us long to clean up the _Sunny_. Once we had, though, I was left with a problem- how to get a fruit user down to the island without dropping him in the water. I couldn't climb with him on my back, even if I trusted an assassin not to try strangling me from that position.

Since I couldn't see if there were more zombies or others who might be listening, I automatically switched to quiet-talk. It took a second to remember that Kaku- and Franky, actually- had never been taught it. As it was, the agent surprised me. _How good are you at climbing ship hulls?_

Cocking his head to the side, Kaku bounced in place a few times and gestured to the shore with a strange upward jerk. _Not understand… I… fly-walk to shore?_

 _You quiet-talk?_ I tried to keep my gestures simple, not colour them with too much emotion. It'd taken even Robin ages to figure out how even slight nuances could affect overall meaning.

 _Little. I watch you; learn little. Not guard… hands near me. Think I not understand. But read people part of job. CP9._

 _Okay. So what did you mean by "fly-walk?" Geppo?_

 _Not understand last. Mean this._ Kaku jumped up and demonstrated the technique I'd just asked about. I nodded.

 _That's what I meant._ I repeated the sign for geppo. Kaku nodded his understanding. His next set of signs had a particular flourish to them that made me think he'd learned them by watching Sanji. Unlike the cook though, Kaku didn't manage to make the flourish imply that he was ending every sentence with either "you moron" or "my lady."

 _Can carry you. Allowed? Or you hit me?_ I was starting to get a sense of Kaku's body language now. He had a stiffness about him that implied nerves- as well as an unfamiliarity with this method of communication. There were a few odd, slipped signs; CP9 must have their own hand signs that the giraffe kept using by accident. More rigid than Straw Hat quiet-talk. But every once in a while, there was a flash of confidence like a mountain river- cold and swift with a playful undertone.

 _Okay. Try anything and I'll bite you, then tell my brothers._

A shiver of fear ran through the agent. _Wouldn't. More scared though of Zoro and Ghin if I hurt crew. Loyal like guard dogs. Piggyback; need hands._

I climbed onto Kaku's back and held tight. It was like hugging Sabo-nii; they were of similar height and build. The agent jumped up, kicking the air itself at the top of his leap. We continued a fair ways that way, coming down at the top of the beach, well away from the water. There was a thud as we landed. I slid down off Kaku's back and onto the sand so we could talk more.

 _Where do you think the others might be?_

 _You not know?_

 _I can't see, idiot!_ Kaku's hat flew off as I slapped him upside the head. He sighed and retrieved his headgear.

 _What I look for then?_

That was hard to explain, especially without knowing how much quiet-talk Kaku had picked up- although it seemed to be quite a bit. I rubbed my temples as I switched back to verbal speech. "Explosions, screams, anything that would be fun to explore- minor chaos."

"This whole island fits that description, Fly Girl."

Another scream cut the night. I still couldn't pinpoint the source. Kaku jumped up, making a face upon landing a second later. "Applesauce. I can't see over the trees; I'd have to use geppo all the time."

"Don't. You'll be too tired if we get in a fight."

Kaku shot me a dirty look as we marched through the tunnel of spider webs. Charred ends glinted with embers- Ace-nii and Llama's work. "Believe it or not, I do have _that_ much common sense."

"Says the _secret agent_ who got _lost_ and ended up on an _enemy ship_."

"Dry up Fly Girl."

We emerged from the webs into a dark forest. I tried to estimate the height of the blurry trees. "Could you see over them in giraffe form?"

"Absolutely. But remember what happened with all the zombies shipside?"

"They only went after you cause they knew you're a zoan. If they don't see you transform…"

The agent shot a pointed look at his clothes. "No, a giraffe in black slacks won't ring any bells at all. I'd have to be in my birthday suit for that to work." Kaku's face morphed into a look of horror as I stared at him. "You don't actually expect me to- no! Ace'd bump me off before you could say top secret. And Torpedo's set that heebie-jeebie lizard on whatever was left!"

I continued to stare at the giraffe zoan. He fidgeted uncomfortably for a few moments before finally caving. "Fine! But you look away until I'm changed over- and you're holding the bag when your brothers find out!"

Stifling a giggle, I covered my gaze. "Is there a reason you talk like an actor in a 1930s B movie?"

"What? This's just how people talk where I was born." Kaku's words were accompanied by rustling fabric and the knuckle-cracking sound of a zoan transformation. "Alright Fly Girl, you can look."

Upon doing so, my first task was to figure out how to keep Kaku's clothes with us in case we needed them. I eventually settled on tying them to form a crude saddle. Then I climbed onto the giraffe's back. "See anything worth investigating?"

"A giant mansion, a graveyard, and more forest than you can shake a stick at. Where'd you think the other fish'll be?"

"Can't tell. Any of those sound good. And Zoro… If he got separated from the others, he could be anywhere."

"Applesauce. I'll just head for the mansion then, eh?"

"Sure. And no talking unless we know we're alone. It gives you away." I clung to Kaku's neck as he cantered through the trees. Wind nearly blew my hat off; rain stung my eyes. Since they were useless anyway, I closed them and focused on listening for trouble.

Without my blurry eyes confusing my brain, I was able to pinpoint the next scream when it came. "Left! Go left!"

"Right!" To my horror, I felt Kaku start careening off to the right. I slapped the left side of his neck repeatedly, wishing for a set of reins.

"No! Your other left, you square-nosed, broken-compass idiot!" That settled it- Zoro may be the best of the lot, but being a swordsman clearly did something to your sense of direction. I was _so_ glad I'd never really be one.

"I _am_ turning left!"

"You are _not_! You're turning right and going downhill! We need to go uphill! Up!"

"What- you mean north? Why didn't you say so?" Kaku spun and headed in the correct direction. I slapped him again for forgetting that he wasn't supposed to talk.

Of course, with me unable to see- eyes closed or not- and Kaku looking over the trees, there was one area we weren't paying attention to. The ground. My ride lurched under me, bleating in surprise as he fell. Pit trap. I tried to push away as we fell so I wouldn't land on Kaku and hurt him. Unfortunately, that led to me getting kicked in the head by a flailing giraffe; my foot got caught in the saddle, so I couldn't push far enough away to be safe. My last memory was of something heavy and warm crashing down on top of me as my back hit stone.

 **CAPTAIN SNAPPY**

"Well shit. How'd we get here?" Ma stared around at the stone corridor lined with suits of armour. Snappy chirped in confusion; he didn't know either. Ma huffed and continued along the hallway- although that wouldn't last long, with just the two of them. So Snappy took the opportunity to examine the armour while he could, nipping and butting shiny steel calves. There was no joy in knocking them over though, only loud crashes. The metal men didn't fight back. Cowards.

They'd been in the hallway for about half an hour when the carpet moved- and not in the way things sometimes did when Ma was trying to get somewhere. Red fabric pulled from beneath their feet and reared up like a snake; Snappy fell on his tail while Ma leapt backwards. When the carpet-beast lashed out, it was met with all three of Ma's swords. That didn't seem to discourage it. Snappy latched onto a corner tassel and gnawed, forcing the carpet off course as it tried to strike at Ma a second time.

"What's with this place?" Ma flicked two of his swords downwards, slicing the carpet in half. "Tora Gari! Damn carpet… Lie there like a good rug or fly, but carpets don't attack people!"

"Sha!" Snappy nodded, snarling at the offending fabric. Even its smell was vile, dust and poison and wet monkeys.

A shadow flickered in the dim light. Snappy paid it no mind, too focused on the still-twitching remains of the carpet. That was a mistake. The monkey smell grew stronger, then Ma let out a muffled yelp. There was a clang as he dropped White Sword. Snappy turned to look at where his mother was standing. Only, Ma was no longer there. All Snappy saw was a squirming bundle wrapped in web, swiftly hauled up and carried away across the ceiling by giant spiders with monkey faces.

No, no, no! Snappy's heart started to race. The spiders couldn't take Ma! Then Snappy would be _alone_ ; he'd never been alone! Not since the day he hatched and saw Ma staring down at him!

" _Skreeeeeeeeeeeee!_ "

He had to go after the spiders; he couldn't lose Ma. But… Ma couldn't lose White Sword either. Snappy had never seen him fight without it. So the little raptor grabbed White Sword in his mouth and raced off in the directions the spiders had taken Ma. The blade clattered off the walls and floor as he ran.

 _Do not fear, Little One. We will find him._

Snappy nearly dropped the katana in surprise. He knew Ma said swords could talk, but this was the first time he'd heard it! The raptor croaked a question as he adjusted White Sword's hilt in his jaws.

 _I have been with Zoro since he was a little one himself, and before that, I belonged to his friend and his sensei. If anyone can follow his trail, I can. I won't let him break his promise._

 **SORA**

"Gah! Where's Sabo?" Chopper's shriek cut the musty air of the secret passage. Sora and Franky froze.

"What're you talkin' 'bout Doctor-bro? He's just lookin' at that old paintin' right… behind… us… Oh."

The place where Sabo had stopped was distinctly void of top-hat-wearing gentlemen- and paintings, for that matter. A shiver ran up Sora's spine; he hissed. Sabo was far and away the best fighter in their little group. If something had happened to _him_ … "Chopper… Can you track Sabo's scent?"

"No… It's like he just vanished!" The little reindeer rubbed his eyes as tears leaked out.

Franky frowned. "Rainbow-bro… Could you find Blue-bro through the dream world? Everyone said that's where you came from after they thought you died…"

Rolling his eyes, Sora gave an exaggerated nod. "I _could_ \- if he's even asleep. So… Who wants to be the one to go to sleep in this creepy place so I have a way in and out?"

"…Point…" Franky glanced away in embarrassment.

Chopper squealed and hugged Sora's leg. "What do we do? We need to get Sabo back, but if we can't even _find_ him… And Robin…"

"We keep going and hope we find some clues. Or the others- I'm sure between everyone, we can get Sabo and Robin back." Sora picked the tiny reindeer up and hugged him. "No more stopping to look at paintings and stuff though; we can't get separated for even a second."

He continued to carry Chopper for a while, through the passage and up some stairs into what appeared to be an old storage room. Or possibly a strangely placed crypt; a few alcoves contained creepy coffins. Further progress was impeded by a door, boarded and chained from the other side. Franky was about to shoot it open, but Sora shook his head. The rainbow serpent put Chopper down and began feeling for weak spots in the wood.

"Save your ammo Franky. You'll probably need it for whatever took the others."

"Who put _you_ in charge, Rainbow-bro?"

"Captain's younger sister's cousin."

"That don't mean nothin'!"

"Alright then," Sora bared his teeth, his instincts in chaos after the disappearance of two crew mates. "How about this? I have a big hammer, claws, and I'm _this close_ to freaking out. Do _you_ want to be stuck in an enclosed space with a panicky half-dragon?"

Franky didn't answer. Chopper squeaked and starting poking the scales on Sora's legs, still dark as oil. "It's not just the light- they really changed colour. Are you alright Sora?"

"I just said I wasn't!" the rainbow serpent snapped. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "Sorry Chopper, it's just- I feel like it's my fault. I couldn't keep an eye on Robin in Water Seven, and now…" Sora growled in the back of his throat.

Chopper patted Sora's shin. "It's not your fault- none of it. You couldn't know what was gonna happen. But please… I'm worried about these colours. Your scales usually look like pearls… You should switch back to human form until I have time to examine you."

"No! Not when we might need to fight. And stop cheering me up!" Sora slammed his mallet into the barred door, more as emphasis than anything. Thick wood splintered. Chopper cringed and hid behind Franky as Sora turned his nervous aggression towards completing the demolition of the door.

Once the heavy oak was gone, the group immediately came face to face with a pair of zombies. One of them, winged, flew off with a shriek. The other lunged at Sora and Chopper, apparently unable to decide which to attack first. It ignored Franky completely.

"Back Breaker!" Sora slammed his mallet into the attacking zombie. Its head popped off, flying down the hall with a surprised yell.

Chopper scrambled onto Franky's shoulders with a yelp. "Was that really necessary? These are _people_ ; Doctor Hogback brought them back from the dead. They're meant to revisit their loved ones, to give them closure…"

"I still doubt that's what Hogback did it for." Sora led the trio through hallways lined with ancient armour. Long strides carried him well ahead of his companions; the rainbow serpent's wings twitched and snapped against his back. His lashing tail knocked over the occasional suit of armour.

Being so far ahead of Franky and Chopper meant that Sora was briefly alone after he turned a corner. Not that he felt alone. The portraits on the wall followed him with their eyes. Again, they reminded Sora of _Scooby Doo_ \- except here, there was no mask to tear off of a villain's head. Maybe later though… Or maybe tearing the _actual_ head off a villain would be justified in this creepy mausoleum.

Sora was halfway down the hall when something struck the back of his neck, wedging in under hair and scales. It felt like on of Kaya's needles. The rainbow serpent blinked back fuzzies as he staggered to lean against a wall. Colours swam across his vision; his ears buzzed. Even with his hand pressed to cold stone, Sora couldn't walk straight.

Thud.

 **SPADE**

Fire Father kept bursting into flames as zombies approached. This made riding on his head very difficult; Spade protested loudly as he was forced to fly through the castle. Didn't the dead people know it was his nap time? They should have the courtesy to stay dead! The southbird did his best to make his displeasure known, but he was running out of Guano Bombs.

They hadn't seen anyone else from the flock in some time. That wouldn't normally bother Spade- more snuggles for _him_ \- but he wasn't getting _any_ attention right now. He shrieked his annoyance as yet _another_ horde of zombies forced Fire Father to set a room ablaze.

"Scaoree! Scaoree!" Even the Pretender was better than this!

Below him came a heavy sigh. "I know, I know, I hate 'em too. Dammit, where'd everybody else get to? Lu! Blue! Sabo!"

Angry flames tore through a wall. Fire Father seemed almost panicked- a waste, in Spade's opinion. Blue Brother, Rubber Brother, and the Pretender could look after themselves. This impromptu doorway led into a dark hallway full of tapestries. One of the hangings moved, prompting Spade to shriek and Fire Father to call up yet more flames. Seconds later, the Nurse appeared in front of them. She paused, a needle held to Fire Father's neck and another at his ribs.

"Oh… Ace-san. Sorry, I thought you were one of the zombies."

"You figured out a poison that works on them?"

"Not a poison." The Nurse smiled and shook her head. "Ordinary saline solution, of all things. They must be weak against salt."

"Great! How much do you have?"

"Not as much as I would like _on_ me, but I have plenty back on the _Sunny_."

"Let's go get it then!"

Having a flock member around who _wasn't_ constantly bursting into flames should've made life easier. Unfortunately, it was the Nurse. The idea of perching on her _terrified_ Spade. She wasn't able to be trusted; he'd _seen_ her putting things in the soup. So as much as he didn't like it, the southbird continued to fly.

They wove through dark halls and echoing rooms. Getting out of the mansion was almost as hard as following the Swordsman to the head. Or anywhere else, really. Spade wondered if the Swordsman would actually have an easier time in a confusing place like this. Nah. He'd be even worse off than usual; probably end up on the roof or something.

A high-pitched yell cut the air- not quite a scream, but close. Fire Father responded in an instant, flinging a column of flame through a thick oak door. The wood crumbled to ash, as did a few of the zombies beyond. Spade flew ahead as Fire Father and the Nurse rushed into the room. They were too late. By the time the three of them were over the threshold, some zombie-spider-monkey-things had wrapped up the Cabin Boy and were dragging him away through the ventilation system.

The Nurse ran over and began tugging at the closed grate, trying to lift it up. Fire Father froze. That earned a glare from the Nurse- and since she very rarely glared, the effect was terrifying beyond belief. "Ace-san! Coby-san is in trouble; we have to go after him!"

"I'm thinking!"

"What's there to think about? I thought you liked Coby-san!"

"That was before he started dating my sister!"

"They've been together for ages now, and Bluejay-san can take care of herself! He'd never do anything to hurt her. Moreover, he's a member of this crew. _We're going after him_."

Fire Father paled and ran over to rip the grate off the vent. He lifted the Nurse in before climbing up behind her. Spade elected to go last… only there was a slight problem.

"Umm… Kaya?" Fire Father's voice was both echoing and muffled, jammed partway into the duct as he was. "I'm stuck."

There was a pause. "Stuck? What do you mean, you're _stuck_?"

"Oi! I'm a lot broader across the shoulders than you _or_ Coby. Just because you can fit through there doesn't mean _I_ can!"

"You're _made of fire_! You _don't have_ a solid body! How on the seven seas can you be _stuck_?"

Spade could almost hear Fire Father's sweatdrop. "Oh." There was a crackle as the shirtless pirate turned into a ribbon of flame that flowed through the ventilation system after the Nurse.

 **CONIS**

She ran around the corner and came face-to-face with a dead end. Oh dear. Conis spun, putting her back to a wall as she stood against the zombies that had been chasing her. Delicate fingers spun dials as she raised her bazooka.

"Leo! Virgo!" A wash of fire roared out of the barrel, followed by a gust of wind that fanned the flames. The zombies shrieked and started rolling around, trying to put out the fire. Conis didn't let them. She kept alternating Leo and Virgo blasts until all the undead fled or had been incinerated. Mostly incinerated.

The psychologist pulled out her notebook to jot down some points. "Okay… Violent response to taunting… Little to no understanding of humour… Single-minded and relentless in pursuit of goals… Conclusion- the average zombie is at the same stage of mental development as a three- or four-year-old. Even Luffy could probably outsmart them."

Looking around, Conis bit her lip. She was, much as she hated to admit it, a little lost. The zombie horde had long since caused her to lose the blood trail from the thing she'd shot. Well, if she hadn't seen any sign of it in this part of the mansion, she may as well go to another. Conis spun her dials again and fired on the dead-end wall.

"Polaris!"

Stone crumbled under the force of the missile. Conis strode through the dust as it settled, finding herself in what appeared to be a disused kitchen. Scuffling noises from the open refrigerator stopped; Brook poked his fluffy head out to fix the angel with an eyeless stare.

"Miss Conis! Hello- how did you get in here? The door's over there." Brook waved at the end of the room opposite where Conis was standing. The psychologist looked at her point of entry with a small smile.

"My epithet is Angel of Destruction for a reason; I got my bounty more for property damage than for my strength in battle."

"I see."

"So Brook, what are _you_ doing here? I thought you were trying to find and retrieve your shadow. There aren't any shadows here."

The skeleton nodded. "I am. And you're right- my shadow isn't anywhere near here. But to remove a shadow from a zombie you need salt, so I came to get some- as well as to find some milk to heal the cracks in these old bones."

"Salt?" Conis froze. "Wait- even completely incinerating them doesn't do it? Wait- you mean the zombies are powered by shadows?!"

"Yes, they are. And… I'm afraid I have no idea if completely incinerating a zombie would remove its shadow. I never tried it."

A sick feeling settled in Conis' stomach. What if such complete destruction of a zombie vaporized the shadow that powered it? She, Ace, and Llama would all be guilty of mass ombrecide. "What…? How much salt does it take to get a shadow out of a zombie?"

"About a tablespoon, I've found in the past. For average sized zombies, of course; smaller take a little less, larger take a little more."

The pair spent the next few minutes searching through cupboards for salt. They came up with two large bags. Conis hefted her bag on her back and looked askance at Brook. "Will you be alright if I go off again? It's just, I was looking for an attempted rapist so I could shoot him, cut out his tongue, and then shoot his tongue."

Brook's eye sockets blazed at the mention of the crime. "Of course Miss Conis; carry on. Might I suggest that when you shoot him, you aim for the genitals?"

Conis blinked, puzzled. "Of course. Where else would I shoot a rapist?"

 **LLAMA**

The demolitions expert nearly fell out of the rafters when she saw a row of coffins pulled along by a rusted chain. Not because of the coffins themselves, but because of the smells coming from them. Each one was _strongly_ reminiscent of one of her crew mates. Even that on its own might not have been alarming, had not each scent been accompanied by a flash of appropriately coloured hair caught in the lid of the coffin.

Green. Steel and oil; Zoro.

Black. Old straw and burnt rubber; Luffy.

Gold. Leather and salt; Sabo.

Also gold. Smoke and garlic; Sanji.

More gold. Blood and wool; Bluejay.

Even _more_ gold- this crew had a lot of blonds. Zoo on a hot day; Kaku.

Black. Sand and copper; Sora.

Dark brown. Ink and ozone; Ghin.

Pink. Sweat and cleaning supplies; Coby.

Llama shuddered. Nine captured, all front-line fighters. That was a poor prognosis for the crew's ability to escape. And then the tenth coffin went by. Black. Old paper and coffee; Robin.

"Not again." Llama stared at the coffin holding the archaeologist. Getting the same person captured twice in such a short period of time was too much. Then again, another Robin on an old show she used to watch mas as well have been called the Boy Hostage instead of the Boy Wonder.

Jumping from ventilation shaft to rafter to chain, Llama raced along rattling steel. She needed to find a way to get people free- or at least find out where they were being taken. It led her up into the center of the mansion, to the highest room in a jagged tower. The tiny demolitions expert barely managed to hide herself in the chamber's rafters as something moved within the shadows. Darkness opened up to reveal the largest, most oddly shaped man she'd ever seen. He looked like someone had shoved a chubby leek into a potato.

What happened next was horrifying. Llama watched, unable to do anything, as a dumpy, pointy-nosed man with round sunglasses brought in several lifeless zombies from a cold room behind a steel door. Nine. She caught a glimpse of something large and fleshy while the door was open- probably a tenth zombie too large to fit through the opening. And then the veggie-man pulled Straw Hats out of their coffins one by one and cut off their shadows, placing them into stitched, mismatched bodies.

Squirming. Screaming. Pained grimaces and desperate whines. Llama hated watching, but she couldn't look away. There was something fascinating about watching stoic Zoro and sensible Ghin break down into sobbing, choking messes, even though the very idea was sickeningly wrong. The worst part, though, was how everyone went limp shortly after their shadows were cut off. Luffy, Bluejay… Some people weren't meant to be motionless.

Veggie-man was still holding Luffy's shadow when he called in more zombies- live ones, anyway, not empty ones for him to add shadows to. "Get these back to their ship and bring me the rest of their crew. We lost a horde of fighters on the southern edge an hour ago, and more are disappearing throughout the manor as we speak. We need to replenish our numbers. And if any of the missing shadows belong to that renegade Lola and her men, reclaim them immediately!"

"Yes Moria-sama!"

The zombies picked up the limp Straw Hats and carried them out. Llama followed, fear churning in her gut. She had to know if they were alright- although if the talking skeleton was any example, having your shadow stolen didn't kill you. Or maybe it did, but it only _mostly_ killed you.

She also needed to warn everyone else. Not knowing where the rest of the crew was made that difficult- while quiet-talk was convenient and private, it also required line of sight. Unless… Could she make something that was visible across the whole island? Llama took inventory of her bombs and chemicals- mercifully drying out- as she ran. She had enough variety… But would everyone understand it? She had to try.

As soon as Llama was outdoors, she started throwing bombs into the air. It gave away her position, so she kept moving quickly to avoid being caught by zombies. First came patterns to represent each of the people who'd been captured. Then a great burst of dangerous red, followed by swirling purples with an evil, jagged face. Last, she flung up a bomb that created a great burst of red and gold and exploded with a roar like a lion.

 **FRANKY AND CHOPPER**

A series of multi-coloured explosions shook the island. Chopper covered his ears and stared at them from his perch on Franky's shoulder. This was… Unusual. Llama was bomb-happy, yes- the records he, Kaya, and Conis shared had her down as a pyromaniac with anxiety issues- but she'd _never_ used that much firepower in such a short period before. And they weren't even being used _against_ anything, just thrown into the sky.

"What's with all the bombs Doctor-bro?" Franky had put ear plugs in, but that could only protect him so much. Llama's weapons were _loud_.

Chopper frowned, then smacked a hoof against his forehead. "It's a message! How could I miss-? Bad Choppy…"

"Calm down Doctor-bro. What's Stick-sis sayin'?"

"I- I'm not sure. We've never tried communicating this way before." The little doctor bit his lip. "It looks like… Maybe… Most of our best fighters are in danger, and an evil pumpkin took over the _Sunny_?"

"Huh. Should we head back?"

"No. If our best fighters are in danger, finding Sabo and Sora is our highest priority. Especially Sabo."

"Why's that?"

"Because if Luffy and Bluejay are in danger- and they probably are- Sabo'll _tear the island apart_ until he's saved them. It's our best strategic option." Chopper was a little scared when Sabo got like that, similar to how most of the crew had a constant mild fear of Kaya. Conis' notes said it best- Sabo's usually polite personality masked a sadistic streak a mile wide. The smile on his face when he'd killed Enel was _terrifying_.

"Okay. If you say so."

Cyborg and reindeer continued through the manor, heading up into one of the towers. They were nearing the top when the whole building shook. Something tore off one of the walls as if it were an old curtain. The stairs behind them were filled with rubble. Chopper and Franky stared as an enormous, red-skinned, _horned_ zombie went bounding away, giggling, with a piece of rubble on its head. The cyborg blinked.

"Is… Is that zombie actin' like Straw Hat-bro?"

"Maybe…" Chopper shook his head. Then he looked at the rubble behind them. "Ah! We're cut off! How'll we get down?"

The doctor jumped off the shipwright's shoulders and changed into heavy point. He started digging at the rubble, ignoring the tapping noise behind him. But there was too much… It would take forever to dig through all of this on his own. Chopper turned to yell at his companion to help him. "Franky-!"

"I don't like the colour of this stain."

The cyborg was standing in the middle of a freshly built bridge, paintbrush in one hand and hammer in the other. On the other end was the window of a less-damaged tower. Chopper stared. "You… I… Ten seconds… Wood… Where? How?"

Franky shrugged. "I been doin' this a long time. It's no different from Stick-sis and her stick, or Red-sis knitting all those Christmas sweaters."

"Eh…?" Chopper shook his head. He couldn't deal with this right now. Wait- was this what Ghin felt like all the time? No time to think about that. Reindeer and cyborg ran on, searching the second tower before coming out on a broad stone walkway with great webs hanging on either side.

Skittering noises made Chopper's ears twitch; the webs began to vibrate. Spiders the size of watermelons swarmed down the sticky silk. Making a face, Franky raised a hand to his mouth. "Fresh Fire!" A jet of flame roared out, catching on some of the webs to spark and burn. The spiders shrieked as they charged.

"Hey! What was that for? Rude!" A much larger spider descended from somewhere overhead. It was nearly the size of an elephant, with the grinning face of a bald monkey. Franky squeaked.

A drop of sweat rolled down the side of Chopper's face. "Are- are you afraid of spiders?"

"N-no. I'm too super to be scared of spiders! Yeah!"

The giant spider hissed. "Hey! Fluffy person! You're a zoan user, right?"

"Um… Yes."

"Ooh… Moria-sama'll be happy to see you. He's got lots of experiments he wants to do with zoan shadows!" The spider lunged. Chopper squeaked and popped into his usual form, letting the spiky legs pass over his head.

"Whoa!" Franky swung a fist, knocking the spider back. "Strong Right! What's that all about? Why the special interest in zoans?"

"As if I'd tell you!" The spider raised its abdomen and aimed its spinners. Franky struck before it could attack.

"Weapons Left!" A small cannonball struck the spider, knocking it backwards. It giggled.

"Oh, you foolish, foolish mortals! Something like that could never hurt me! Chichichichichi! You'll never find our weakness!"

Chopper sniffed. This spider smelled of Zoro, Coby, and Sabo. He must've been involved in whatever danger Llama was trying to warn them about. The little doctor shook his head as he scowled and pulled a rumble ball from his backpack. If the monkey had taken Sabo… But he'd done it by surprise, not given the blue gentleman a chance to fight back. Between them, Chopper and Franky should be able to take the spider out.

"We'll see about that. And if we win, you've gotta tell us why this Moria guy wants zoan users so badly and where you took Sabo!" Chopper crunched his rumble ball and transformed.

"Jump Point!" Sproing! "Arm point! Kokutei Cross!" Flesh crumpled under Chopper's hooves, leaving prints like flower petals. A leg darted out to grab him; once more, the doctor shrank out of the way. "Brain Point! Scope!" Oh, the spider monkey was weak under its chin.

"Strong Right!" Franky knocked the spider back yet again. It looked undamaged. And then it started laughing.

"Chichichichichi! Is that all you've got?"

"Nope. Arm Point! Kokutei Roseo! Horn Point!" Chopper grunted and tossed his head, throwing the spider towards Franky.

"Weapons Left! Fresh Fire!" The cyborg's timing wasn't as good as if Chopper had been teamed with, say, Usopp, but it was good enough.

"Heavy Point! Heavy Gong!" Chopper finished with a ringing blow to the spider monkey's head. It collapsed under his fists.

"Uh, Doctor-bro, didn't you wanna get some info from it?"

"Oh- yeah. Oops." Chopper rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

Then the spider started laughing again, peeling itself off the stones. Chopper shrank down with a squeak, hiding behind Franky's leg on reflex. Zombies were scary! They didn't stay down, didn't die… Maybe this whole bringing-the-dead-to-life thing wasn't always as good as he thought.

"I'll ask you again- is that all you've got?" Sharp legs tapped on wet stone; the wind picked up with an eerie whistle. Underneath, Chopper could hear a faint voice, both creepy and heartening.

"Yohohoho! Yohohoho. Yohohoho! Yohohoho."

The spider monkey froze, looking around with frantic eyes. Black and silver flashed in the gloom; three of the spider's legs separated from its body. It shrieked, rolling to one side. A tall, thin shape stepped from behind the spider, carrying a huge sack. There was a quiet click as an elegant blade slid into a cane. This cane was then used to pry open the spider monkey's mouth so Brook could toss some salt in.

"Ah! Hello Mr Chopper, Mr Franky. What brings you up here?" The skeleton tipped his hat and swung his cane.

"We're looking for Sabo and Sora- they disappeared. I think the spiders took them." Chopper kicked at the ground.

"I see…" It was difficult for a bare skull to show regret, but Brook managed. "That means Hogback and Moria have their shadows as well."

Chopper's ears twitched. "Doctor Hogback's involved in stealing the shadows?"

"Indeed. That's how the zombies work- Moria steals a shadow using his Devil Fruit, then puts it in a body crafted by Hogback. I'm in the process of searching for the zombie powered by _my_ shadow, so I may defeat it and get it back." Brook patted the sack of salt. "If you subdue a zombie and force it to eat salt, the shadow comes unbound."

Tears stung Chopper's eyes. "You- you mean… Hogback _isn't_ bringing the dead back? He's just stitching up corpses and- and _enslaving_ shadows?" The little reindeer sniffled. "Sora was right- that's awful…"

"Indeed." Brook patted Chopper's head. "Although the inability to set foot in the sunlight without your shadow is what I would say hurts the most. So many people have been forced to put our lives on hold…"

Franky frowned. "You told Straw Hat-bro that's why you couldn't join the crew… But why's a skeleton fear death? Ain't you already dead?"

If it were possible for a skeleton to glare, Brook did so. "That means nothing! I can still move, still sing… Dead or not, as long as I can do those things, there's something I _must_ accomplish. An old friend I need to see… I could never forgive myself if I abandoned him, even though I no longer draw breath."

"Wow…" Franky had tears in his eyes. "That's dedication, Skele-bro! Super wonderful!"

"Thank you." The skeleton relaxed. "Now… Not that I don't enjoy talking to you, but I really must continue on my search." Brook tipped his hat and took off in a blur of clicking. He even ran up a wall; Chopper felt his eyes turn to stars on seeing that. It was so cool!

 **BLUEJAY**

"A beautiful swordswoman chef is about to molest Bluejay on a poneglyph!" Usopp's nonsensical shout cut through darkness and woke me up. Chef? Food? Where? My stomach growled as I opened my eyes. Apparently I wasn't the only one who was out of it either, as our sniper's shout was followed by a number of other sleep-clogged voices.

"Swordswoman?" Zoro perked up.

"Beautiful?" Sanji was on his feet immediately, hearts in his eyes.

"Molest Blue/Kay-Kay/Bluejay-san?!" Sabo-nii, Nii-chan, Sora, and Coby all gave off a palpable aura of rage. Luckily Ace-nii wasn't there- he might've killed Usopp for joking about that.

"Poneglyph?" Robin tried not to appear too eager as she looked around.

On either side of me, Ghin and Kaku were still down. They, like the rest of us who'd been unconscious, had strange clips in their hair and childish plastic jewellery bedecking their limbs. We were also all covered with glitter. And somehow, the giraffe zoan was no longer naked. I stood up and nudged Kaku awake with my foot; he jumped as if he thought we were under attack. When I tried to do the same to Ghin, something zapped my toe. I jumped back in shock. Everyone looked at me oddly as Nii-chan poked the tonfa wielder awake.

I looked around. We were back on the _Sunny_. As well as those of us who had been unconscious, Usopp, Llama, Bon-chan, and Conis were present. The angel had a giant sack slung over one shoulder. "Oro? What's going on?"

"Your shadows were stolen." Llama shuddered. "It was… Not fun to watch."

"Eh?" Nii-chan and Sabo-nii immediately looked down to check. "Ah! Our shadows are gone!"

"Someone will pay for that." Sabo's pipe glinted as he knocked it against his palm. "No one takes Lu and Blue's shadows and gets away with it!"

"Where's Nami-swan?" Sanji was frantic as he looked around. Conis hung her head.

"I- I'm afraid I don't know. I lost the trail of her assailant as well. But I _did_ learn how to disable the zombies- we need to have them ingest salt."

"Ingest?" Luffy cocked his head to one side.

"Swallow, Nii-chan. We need to make them eat it."

Conis opened her sack. Before she could start passing out salt though, Sanji took off at a run. His hair was waving in a wind that didn't exist; his eyes blazed red. With every step our cook took, sparks rose from the soles of his shoes. "Don't worry Nami-swan! I'm coming to save you!"

"Someone go after him!" Sora snapped. My cousin's scales were unusually dark, and his voice sounded… off. Raspy and sharp. "Can't have the idiot getting caught again."

"His shadow can't be stolen a second time, Rain-boy." Bon-chan tried to placate my cousin. Sora's response was to growl and flare his wings.

"Doesn't mean he won't screw up some other way." My cousin bared his teeth. " _Do it_."

Bon-chan winced and bounded off after our chef; Llama followed. Kaku shot Sora a reproachful look. "What's gotten into _you_ Fly Boy?"

"Nothing!"

"He's right though, even if he's being an asshole about it." Sabo-nii put some salt in his belt pouch and spun his pipe. "We shouldn't go alone; who knows what other traps and tricks Moria has? Pair up before you move out. And by all the gods… Whoever's with Zoro, don't let him get lost!"

"Oi! I'm not that bad!"

Everyone sweatdropped at our first mate's words. "Yes. Yes you are."

I ended up with Coby when we went back to shore. We ran through the trees, my boyfriend always just a little ahead of me. Behind us, Nii-chan's voice echoed through the night. "MORIA! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"

Coby smiled. "Luffy-san never changes, does he?"

"Nope. Not since we were little." We leapt over a log and were met with shrieking zombie-bat-people. I slammed my palm into one's face, depositing salt as I went. Coby kicked his into a tree before salting it.

"So… What are we even looking for?"

"How should I know?" I asked, shrugging. "I can't see."

No sooner had I said those words than a crash and bellow alerted us to the approach of… something. It was large and grey as it burst out of the trees, with a head that looked vaguely like a rhino's. Coby and I jumped out of the way as a giant fist smashed the log we'd just cleared. "Hey! You'll pay for that! Twenty-five saplings!"

"Rhino zombie!" My boyfriend called out helpfully. I rolled my eyes.

"Thank you Captain Obvious." My nekode wouldn't pierce through hide that thick, so I grabbed my tanto. "Ippon Tora Ryu: Battoujutsu!"

"Rankakyu!" Coby's kick and my blade _should_ have torn through thick hide in near-perfect sync. Instead, they hit wood. The rhino zombie had torn a couple of branches from nearby trees and was using them as crude tonfa. Coby's hand twitched to his hip, where Ghin kept his jar of dirt. I nodded and rolled my eyes; _of course_ we had to fight this guy like we were fighting our tattoo artist.

"Soru! Geppo! Rankakyu!" Coby dashed around and jumped up to attack from behind.

"Ippon Tora Ryu: Kiba! Tsume!" My initial stab got through, but the follow-up slash was blocked as the zombie spun into a familiar spiralling strike.

"Braids of Rapunzel!"

I staggered back, deflecting one tonfa with _Hatajirushi_. Opposite me, Coby ducked under the other. My heart sped up; we'd found one of our crew mates' shadows. I flicked a few signs with my left hand. Coby nodded. When the rhino zombie tried to hit us again, I dropped below the tonfa while my boyfriend leapt over them.

"White Tiger's Roar!" I sprang upwards, slamming my forehead into the zombie's chin. It staggered in the exactly the same way Ghin did when I did that to him during crew spars. An instant later, Coby's foot came down on the zombie's head.

"Falling Star!"

The force of the blow knocked the zombie's mouth open. Perfect. I tossed a handful of salt in before slamming it shut with a palm strike. Something fluttery and dark detached itself from the zombie and flew off into the night. That must be what master-less shadows looked like.

Applause somewhere behind me drew my attention; Coby and I both turned to face it. Out from the trees stepped a large woman with painted lips and salmon-coloured hair. "Oh, you two are strong for being so small. Cute too. Either of you wanna marry me?"

That came out of nowhere. "Um… We're together. And I'm fourteen."

"Oh… Would you _both_ wanna marry me? I don't mind a threesome."

Coby stared at the woman in disbelief. "What part of "we're underage" don't you understand?"

"I know you're young Sweetie. But you're pirates, right? Do you really care about age laws and all that stuff? I know my momma don't."

She was awfully persistent. My boyfriend and I sweatdropped as we realized we'd have to spell it out for her- and even that might not be enough. "No. We don't want to marry you."

"Rejected!" Two goofballs in striped suits jumped out of the forest to pat the large lady on the back. "Don't worry Captain! We know you'll find someone soon!"

The woman waved them away. "It's fine boys. So kids… You've figured out how to defeat the zombies?"

"Yeah."

"Congratulations." The word didn't match up to her sad tone. "I'm sorry I have to tell you this, but you'll never get your shadows back on your own. Hell, my whole crew's tried for _years_ and never managed much against Moria's hordes. And now that he has completed Oars…" The woman shuddered.

Coby smiled, full of fake innocence. It was an expression he'd been practicing on Ace-nii. "Then it's a good thing we're not alone, isn't it?"

"Who could you kids possibly know that could take down a Shichibukai?"

Off in the distance, something crashed through the trees. It was accompanied by rubbery snaps and Nii-chan's demands for a certain shadowy bastard to stop running and face him like a man. In another direction, flames shot out of a manor window. I grinned.

"My big brothers."

 **LLAMA AND SANJI**

By the time she and Bon-chan had caught up to Sanji, the cook had found a chapel in the manor's courtyard. Inside, Nami lay on the altar, unconscious and dressed in a wedding gown. When he saw this, the cook lost it. Llama couldn't blame him; Nami's new outfit meant that the invisible person who'd molested the navigator had _caught_ her and _undressed_ her. So when angry flames started to form at the bottom of Sanji's feet, the only thing that surprised Llama was that she and Bon-chan weren't producing something similar.

"Nami-swan!" The cook raced for the altar. He was knocked away at the last second by an invisible object that soon resolved itself into a man with a lion muzzle stitched to his face. That looked painful.

"Stay away from my bride! She's mine!"

Sanji slammed a kick into the lion-man's face. "Nami-swan would never marry a pervert like you!"

And then, because things obviously weren't weird and silly enough already, the chapel doors burst open to admit a purple warthog in a wedding gown. "Absalom! Did I hear you say you're cheating on me?"

"I was never _with_ you! The woman I'm gonna marry is that sexy redhead at the altar!"

The warthog's eyes blazed. "In that case, I'll just have to eliminate the competition!" Bounding to the front of the room, the warthog made to strike Nami in the chest. The navigator was pulled out of the way at the last second by Bon-chan.

"Fear not Tangerine! I'll get you to safety!" The okama ran off, clutching Nami to his chest in a princess hold. Hooves clattered on stone as the warthog raced after him.

Absalom sighed. "Well, at lest that gets her out of the way. I can always retrieve my bride after I'm done with you." Then he turned invisible and punched Sanji several times, sending the cook tumbling back. The blond rose and spat out a wad of blood.

"I'll never let you lay a hand on Nami-swan again! Your shitty perversions are a disgrace to men everywhere and a shitty misuse of that Devil Fruit!" Sanji took another hit as he groped around for his opponent. "When I was a brat, I always wanted that fruit. Being invisible would've made it so much easier to avoid my brothers, peep on cute girls, visit my mother, protect people like Nami-swan from shitty perverts, and peep on cute girls!"

Llama facepalmed. Truly, it was easy to tell where the chef's heart lay. She considered just throwing down a few Whitefires- invisibility couldn't protect Absalom if the whole building went up in flames- but the rest of the crew would probably be mad at her if she cooked the cook. So the tiny demolitions expert pulled out her stick and began swinging it around, hoping she'd hit something. Eventually she felt wood slam into kneecaps as Sanji was thrown into a wall. The air in front of her laughed.

"Hahahahaha! You're hopeless! Hogback's surgery means I'm tougher than a bear, and even if you _could_ get through my hide, you can't hit what you can't see! I'm the ultimate predator!"

See… Llama felt like bashing her head into a wall for not having thought of it earlier. Invisibility meant that Absalom was shifting the light somehow, letting it pass right through him instead of bouncing off. Well, two could paly at that game. Llama reached out with her powers and changed Absalom's colours so he reflected rings of alternating red, white, and blue. It made him a much easier target.

"Oh, that's nice. Thank you, Lamb-chan! Concassé!" Now able to see who he was fighting, Sanji brought his foot down on Absalom's head.

"No problem." There were bulges in Absalom's sleeves that might be concealed weapons. She should blow them up, just in case. Llama rushed in as Sanji and Absalom met shin-to-forearm and shoved a bunch of Sparklers into the lion-man's coat. The cook recognized what they were just in time to leap back.

KABOOM!

"Yow!" The explosions were a lot bigger than usual, but Llama supposed that's what happened when tiny bombs met gunpowder. Absalom stared in disbelief, his arms hanging uselessly at his sides. But that wasn't enough to take him down; the lion-man shook himself and proceeded to get into a furious kick fight with Sanji.

"Hah! Even without my arms, you're know match for me!" Absalom tried to go invisible again. Llama soon had her hands full, changing his colours every couple of seconds so Sanji could still see him. Her head started to ache.

"And as soon as I'm done with you two, I'll go get my lovely bride back. Once we're married, I'll be able to touch her- erk!" Absalom's likely dirty words were cut off by a spinning, _flaming_ kick. Sanji glowed like an ember as he continued what looked like a deadly dance.

"Cooking is a gift from the gods; spices are the flames of the underworld. Diable Jambe: Premier Hachis!"

Flames… Pretty, pretty flames. It was almost as beautiful as when Ace lit up the pudding. A veritable rain of fiery kicks kept up until Absalom was a charred, bloody mess on the floor. Llama came to her senses just in time to stop Sanji from delivering a fatal blow.

"Wait! We have to take him to Conis!"

"What? Why?"

"I want to see her shoot him, cut out his tongue, and then shoot his tongue."

Sanji huffed and shook his head, lighting a cigarette. "Fine. Geez, you ladies are bloodthirsty. It's a good thing you all look lovely in red!"

 **NAMI AND BON-CHAN**

"Put me down! I can walk by myself!"

"Oh! You're awake! Of course Tangerine, right away." The okama barely paused as he did what he was told. "I don't suppose you still have your clima-tact under that gown?"

"I do, but it'll take a minute to get it. Stupid petticoats are in the way." Nami hiked up layers of full skirts as she ran. Bon-chan beamed.

"Then I shall buy you whatever time you need!" Passing his hand over his face, the okama transformed into an identical copy of the navigator and split off, running to one side.

This did… absolutely nothing. The zombie warthog continued to charge at Nami as she tried to retrieve her weapon. She facepalmed. "Idiot! That won't work if I'm the only one in a wedding dress!"

"Oops! Swan Arabesque!" Resuming his normal appearance, Bon-chan made himself properly useful by launching a flying kick into the warthog's head. The zombie staggered.

That bought Nami enough time for set-up. She snapped her clima-tact together and slid her hands into position. "Blizzard Tempo!" A blast of snow and frigid air shot out, freezing the warthog in place. Just to make sure, Nami kept going until the icy crust was several centimeters thick, then dumped a mound of snow on top.

Bon-chan twirled. "Well, that was easier than I expected. And your Blizzard Tempo is absolutely fabulous!"

"Yeah. I'll have to thank Coby for giving me the idea, even if he _did_ touch my things without my permission."

Heavy boots stomped through bushes nearby. Both Straw Hats prepared for another fight, only to stare in confusion as a zombie in a tutu marched past without noticing them. It carried three swords and was muttering something about a damn ship having moved again. Since they were a thief and a spy who, unlike the rest of the crew, had _some_ concept of stealth, Nami and Bon-chan decided to follow the zombie and see what it was up to. Or at least ambush it if they found a good spot.

When the zombie wandered off into the sea, both pirates sweatdropped. Something dark fluttered out into the night. "Well," Bon-chan sighed, "At least that's Sword-boy's shadow taken care of."

"Shadows?"

"The master of this place steals shadows and uses them to power zombies," the okama explained. Then he smiled. "But this time, I think there's something he forgot to take into account."

"And what's that?"

"Well Dear, only _we_ can handle being _us_."

Nami almost protested, then chuckled and nodded instead. "You're right. It would take a special batch of zombies to handle _our_ crazy."

 **ROBIN AND KAKU**

"I still don't trust you."

"Wouldn't expect you to."

Robin smiled. "I'm glad we understand each other."

The giraffe rolled his eyes. "Just gonna point out though, it'd be right stupid of me to turn on you fish now. Government wouldn't take me back; I'm on the lam. As for finding Lucci and the others, even if I wanted to- which I can't say I do- he'd probably bump me off for being a bloody piker or something. Been away too long."

"Your logic is sound, but your background isn't. After all, you might be planning on turning the captain in to get back in the government's good graces. Forgive me if I reserve judgement."

"Nothing to forgive. I'd prob'ly think the same in your shoes. Duck!"

Robin did so. A rankakyu soared over her head, slicing a zombie duck in half. The archaeologist stuffed its beak with salt before it could try and pull itself back together. "Most of the others trust too easily," Robin continued as if nothing had happened, "Even our lovely navigator. They're used to making friends out of enemies. But you're not like Ghin or Bon-chan- or even me."

"You know, I think that's the first time I've heard you use anyone's name?" Kaku shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground as they walked. "I don't know what you want from me. Just tell me how to prove myself and I'll do it- within reason."

"That's for the captain to decide."

They emerged from the forest into the graveyard by Hogback's mansion. There, they were greeted by an unusual sight even by Straw Hat standards. A penguin with the face of a dog and a blue lizard with a bo staff were scowling at each other from opposite sides of a tomb- or rather, the penguin looked confused and the lizard appeared to be trying to kill the penguin with its eyes.

"What's wrong shitty bastard? All I said was that your sister sounds hot."

"Pervert! You stay away from my sister!" The lizard launched itself at the penguin, staff spinning. Wood met a webbed foot as the penguin blocked with a kick. Kaku sweatdropped; Robin smiled.

"Well, I'd say we found our cook and chronicler's shadows."

"I… How are you fish even _functional_?"

"If I told you, we'd have to kill you. Just be content that our crew's… _unique_ personalities render any zombie given any autonomy useless."

The stitched combatants didn't even notice as Kaku walked up and force-fed the penguin salt. Once its opponent had been neutralized, the lizard grinned up at the giraffe zoan. Bowing, it touched its head spines as if it meant to tip a hat. "Thank you for your assistance in defending my sister's honour- though I could've done it myself."

"Um… Okay." Kaku stared down at the lizard. "Your sister sounds like a swell girl; can we meet her?"

"Oh, she's wonderful! The most adorable girl on the seas. Not that I can remember seeing her, for some reason, but still. She's my sister! No one could possibly be cuter, except maybe my little brother!" Reptilian eyes narrowed. "Wait- why do you want to meet her? Pervert! I'll rip your entrails out with a rusty spoon and feed them to you! No one like you could be worthy of my sister in a million years! And then I'll crush your skull, and make knitting needles out of your ribs to give Blue as a birthday gift!"

Kaku was suddenly very busy dodging a staff and tiny claws. The lizard was _actually_ trying to grab and crush his skull. And the worst part was the deranged grin it wore the whole time, eyes lit up like a madman. This zombie was going to enjoy his pain. So occupied was he with _not dying_ that it took a good five minutes for Kaku to realize Robin had sprouted a pair of hands on the lizard's head. He tossed them some salt, wincing as the distraction caused him to take a staff in the ribs.

Even once the lizard was down, Kaku continued to eye it with caution. "If that was the dandy's shadow… his mind's a terrifying place."

"Wishing it was some other pirate ship you'd stumbled onto?" Robin asked pleasantly. Kaku shook his head, a smile taking over his face.

"Not on your life! You fish may be a flock of birds if I ever saw one, crazier'n an owl in a juice joint, but this is the most fun I've had in _ages_. This sorta thing never happened with Lucci and them."

 **LUFFY AND SABO**

The blond sneezed as he skidded to a halt. "Huh. Someone must be talking about me."

"Less talking, more ass-kicking!" Luffy reminded his brother as he bounded through the trees. "We still haven't caught Moria!"

"Ah! Coming! Wait for me Lu!"

Moments later, pipe and fist crashed through darkness, dispersing it. Both boys stopped dead. Then Sabo hit his younger brother over the head. "We've been chasing a shadow this whole time! Pay more attention Lu!"

Luffy hit him right back. "You didn't notice either!"

They turned and headed back towards the castle. Along the way, the two pirates were attacked by a zombie that appeared to have been made from the corpse of a marine chore boy. It ran at them with a yell, so fast they could barely see it, only to stop centimeters from punching Sabo in the face. As quick as it had come, the zombie jumped backwards into a bow.

"Sorry! I didn't know it was you! Um, just remember, Bluejay-san said you and Ace-san aren't allowed to do anything that might cause permanent damage!"

Sabo looked at Luffy. "Coby's shadow?"

"Shishishi! Yup! Coby's shadow!" The brothers grabbed the zombie and shoved salt into its mouth before it could escape.

 **SORA AND GHIN**

Flying with Ghin was much different than flying with Ace. Sora circled the castle, trying to spot a good way in. His passenger was silent; this may or may not be do to the fact that Sora had threatened to drop the tattoo artist if he said a word. The fact that such threats didn't work on firecrackers was probably why Ace was such a bad passenger.

There was a great hulk of a zombie watching them from one of the towers. Sora flew closer to have a look. As soon as he did so, the zombie jumped up to give chase.

"Wings of the Rainbow Serpent!" Unfortunately for the zombie, some idiot had put a flying shadow in a body with no wings. It plummeted from the tower, an easy mark. Sora dove beside the zombie so Ghin could throw salt into its open, surprised mouth.

"Stupid," Sora sneered. There was a cool rush through his feet as his shadow re-attached. Or maybe that was just his imagination. Ghin sighed.

"Are you sure you're alright? You're not acting like yourself."

"Why does everyone keep asking things like that? I'm fucking _fine_."

"Maybe because your scales are almost black and you're acting more like a dragon of nightmares than of dreams?"

"Keep talking and I'll _show_ you the dragon of your nightmares." Zombie, down in a courtyard, sporting multiple poorly-stitched arms. Sora dove and rolled, so Ghin was upside down when he tossed salt into the Robin zombie's mouth. "Hah! Take that- air superiority bitches!"

The tonfa wielder groaned. "Why did I agree to come with _you_ again?"

"Because you're used to me being one of the sane ones and made a stupid mistake?"

"Yeah, sounds about right."

Seconds later, Sora saw what he was looking for. Narrowing his eyes, the rainbow serpent flew through a window with an echoing crash, shards of glass raining down around his wings. He snatched Hogback from the room and flew out again, leaving an indifferent Cindry behind. The not-so-good doctor yelped and wet himself.

"Come, visit the woods!" Sora strafed the trees, knocking Hogback into as many trunks and branches as he could before turning back towards the castle. The dragon cackled as he dropped a screaming doctor onto a balcony currently occupied by Franky and Chopper. Hogback's screaming intensified as the tiny, timid reindeer grew to gorilla-like size and cracked his knuckles.

"No one who desecrates bodies and enslaves shadows _deserves_ to be called a doctor! Heavy Gong!" Thud- _crack_.

"Hehehahahaha!" Sora flew a few loops before returning to searching for zombies to salt. When Ghin spoke again, the tattoo artist sounded ill.

"Would you please _not_ do that with me on your back?"

"If you don't like the loops, get off the dragon!"

 **USOPP AND CONIS**

"Polaris!" Conis' shot took out one of the centaur-zombie's legs. It staggered with a surprised yell; Usopp took advantage of its open mouth.

"Salt Star!"

The two ranged fighters approached with caution as a shadow flew away. "Do you think that was Kaku's shadow? I would've thought he'd be harder to fight."

"Can't tell." Usopp bit his lip. "All the shadows look the same. Does it even matter? Once Luffy beats Moria, any shadows left'll go back to their people, right?"

"I think so, but I don't know enough about Devil Fruits to be sure. Do you think Kaya would be up for helping me experiment?"

"She'd love to, but that won't help _now_."

"Ah. Yes, you have a point."

Stone walls soon rose up in front of the pair; they'd gotten back to the castle. Conis levelled her bazooka and fired three rounds as soon as she was in range. "Orion's Belt!"

The wall crumbled; Usopp sweatdropped. "The door's just over there, you know."

"This way's still faster. Who _knows_ how long we'd have to wander around inside before we got where we're going?" When the sniper stared at her in confusion, the psychologist shrugged. "What? I have a Type I personality- impatient and irrational while still being kind and reasonable."

"It's not that! It's- how do you know where we're going?!"

"I don't."

They entered through the wall, shot a dozen zombies full of salt, and climbed to the next floor. There they found a pink-haired goth-loli floating between a zombie teddy bear and a giant, also zombie, tigress. While the bear didn't look like it would be much of a problem, the tigress certainly would. The floating goth-loli laughed as Usopp and Conis stopped in their tracks.

"Horohorohorohoro! Look Kumasi; the pirates came out to play! Let's give Nekosi a chance to have some fun." Patting the tigress, the gothic girl cooed. "Just a moment sweetie. Mommy'll make your prey sit still so you can play with them. Negative Hollow!"

Two of the depression spirits from earlier emerged from her hands. One flew straight through Usopp; Conis dodged the other. The sniper cocked his head to one side in confusion. "I thought those were supposed to make us fall down or something."

Conis felt her eyes turn to stars. "Yes, how do they work? Why is it that a stupidly cocky man like Sanji is reduced to tears, while an ordinary one like Usopp remains unaffected?"

"Hey!"

"Sorry Usopp, but really. Look at our crew. Of all of us, you're the only one without any outstanding physical or mental quirks. Your combined medical report reads 'flat rate average.' You don't even have any interesting phobias, despite being the one everyone considers a coward."

The goth girl interrupted with a shake of her head. "I must've missed, that's all. My hollows dig out all a person's positive emotions, leaving them with nothing but negativity. No one can resist! Negative Hollow!"

Three more spirits flew out. Conis dodged hers, meaning all three caught Usopp square in the chest. The sniper looked down and shrugged. Then he burst out laughing. "Hahahahaha! Your ghosts won't work on me- I'm already negative!"

"What?!" The spirit-girl's face was reminiscent of Enel's after being punched by Luffy. Conis wished she had Warner with her to take a picture. Too bad the visual den-den was back on the ship. The psychologist settled for questioning her crew mate.

"Already negative? What do you mean? Why didn't you tell me during your assessment? If you're suffering from depression, there are things we can do to help!"

"No, no, it's not that. Or at least, I think it's not. Like you said, I'm just an ordinary guy on a crew made of monsters, Ds, Devil Fruit Users, and bloodthirsty women. _Where_ would I get any confidence?"

"Your girlfriend? The fact that, unlike Ghin, you're not afraid of heights? Chopper? Your abilities as a sniper?"

"Get them Nekosi!" Apparently the goth-loli was tired of waiting. Her tigress bounded towards the Straw Hats, scattering them.

"White Tiger's Rooooooar!"

"Found Bluejay's shadow!" Usopp squeaked as he scrambled out of the way of the cat's giant head. Conis nodded.

"Leave the zombies to me; you handle the girl."

"What? But you can't beat Bluejay in a fight either!"

"Bluejay herself, no. But this is her shadow- her base instincts and personality in the wrong body, with few if any of her actual memories. _That_ I can handle."

"If you say so. Usopp Two-Tonne Hammer!" The sniper charged at the goth-loli with an enormous hammer pulled from… somewhere.

Conis aimed for the bear zombie first, firing three shots as she rolled away from deadly paws, spinning dials in between. First an impact to knock the bear off balance, then a stink bomb to make it gag and open its mouth, and last some salt. "Polaris! Sirius! Pisces!" One down, one to go.

While Usopp fired shots at a suddenly giant goth-girl, Conis spun her dials again. There was one sure-fire way to deal with anything that had the personality of one of the Monkeys. "Leo! Virgo!" A wash of fire rushed out, fanned by a gust of wind.

Nekosi aborted an attack mid-way to Conis in favour of hunkering down and covering her eyes with her paws. "Nii-chan… Where are you?" It was actually kind of sad.

"Pisces!" The cowering tigress was far too easy of a target for a salt shot.

At the other end of the room, Usopp was running from an enormous phantom that was trying to crush him. It giggled the whole time. Conis rolled here eyes. "Usopp, please hurry it up. Don't worry about trauma; I can always help you through it after."

"That doesn't help me _now_!"

"I thought you were supposed to be a brave warrior of the sea?" Normally that would've been a statement, but Conis was ninety-nine percent certain that questioning his dream would give him a boost.

The sniper growled and pulled something out of his messenger bag. "I- I am! Never doubt that! I just need a little help sometimes is all!" So saying, he slapped his Sogeking mask on, His voice immediately deepened; his stance changed to something much more confident.

"Fear not, fair Conis! For I have come directly from Sniper Island to aid you in this time of need!"

Conis rolled her eyes. "Less talk, more shoot please. Or I'll take your fight for myself."

"What? No killstealing!" Sogeking turned back to the goth girl, one hand in his bag, and began to let loose one of the most bizarre flurries of attacks Conis had ever seen- even among the Straw Hats.

"Usopp Rubber Band of Doom! Egg Star! Beer Star! Usopp Rubber Band of Doom! Cockroach Star!" He took a few blows from the giant phantom while shooting; blood trickled down the side of his head. When he surrounded the goth girl with roaches, though, the phantom vanished.

"Eek!" The goth-loli cringed away. "I hate bugs! They're gross!"

"Ahahahahaha! I've got you now villain! Snake Star! Centipede Star! Fruit Fly Star!"

They were all rubber. Fake. Conis sweatdropped at the goth girl's gullibility. But it was working to Usopp's advantage. The loli was curled into a ball, shaking and staring. Then Usopp pulled out an even bigger hammer than the one he'd used to start the fight. "Now, behold my awesome power and tremble in the face of my wrath! Usopp Hundred Tonne Hammer!"

The goth girl fainted before the hammer came anywhere near her. When it actually _did_ hit her, it popped. A balloon. Usopp jumped at the sound of his own attack, before rushing in and tying the girl up. "Haha! And once again, the amazing Sogeking prevails!"

Smiling, Conis marched over and plucked the mask off the sniper's face. He squeaked; she shook her head. "That was a good job Usopp. Now you need to learn to do that as _yourself_ , rather than hiding behind a hero's persona. _Usopp_ can be a hero just as much as Sogeking."

 **CAPTAIN SNAPPY**

He was fairly certain he'd been on the ground floor, so when Snappy looked out a window and found himself ten stories up, he was understandably confused. And White Sword was remaining silent; even she didn't know how to explain this to him. Ma always said it was the walls and trees and thing moving, but Snappy wasn't so sure. If that was it, other pack mates would've had a hard time finding things too.

A tremendous noise crashed through the air; the whole island shook. Snappy growled around White Sword's hilt. Islands weren't supposed to move! What was going on?! The little raptor ran upwards. If he was going to randomly end up in a tower while searching for Ma, he may as well go to the top and have a look around.

When the stairs levelled out, Snappy found himself in a large, circular room full of the sound of clashing swords. Ma wasn't there though; it was Bones That Are Not For Eating fighting with one of the Dead Who Move. The skeleton wasn't doing to well. While both living dead used the same style, the one with flesh was significantly stronger and faster- probably because of said flesh. A particularly loud clash brought the skeleton to his kneecaps; the corpse began to laugh.

"Yohohohoho! We may use the same style, but you're a hundred years two early to defeat me. Now… How about I trim that ridiculous afro? That might increase your speed a little."

"No! Without my afro, how will Laboon recognize me?!"

Snappy had to agree. Without the afro, how would _anyone_ know Bones That Are Not For Eating from any other skeleton? Someone might eat him by mistake! When the corpse moved to slash the skeleton's hair, Snappy lunged forwards to stand in between. He blocked the corpse's black blade with White Sword. The clash made his jaws ache, but the raptor stood strong. Ma would be proud.

Two sets of eyeless sockets stared at the raptor in disbelief. Snappy growled. Ma may never have taught him how to use a sword, but that didn't mean he couldn't try. Taking advantage of the shock his actions had caused, the little raptor lunged awkwardly at the corpse, bringing White Sword up towards its ribs. He actually tore through cloth and skin a bit before the corpse kicked him away with a sneer. Snappy's head spun as he rolled into a wall.

The little raptor staggered to his feet. Every part of his body ached. Even if they teamed up, he doubted he and Bones That Are Not For Eating could defeat this foe. The sword corpse was too quick, too fierce. But that didn't mean they could give up! Snappy resolved himself to face death in glorious battle- and then a familiar scent hit his nose, accompanied by the sound of heavy boots and the voice he loved most in the world.

"He Luffy! Sabo! Where'd you two run off to this time?"

Ma! Snappy ran over to greet his mother as the green-haired swordsman emerged from the stairwell. If anyone could beat the sword-corpse, it was Ma! The raptor chirped gleefully around White Sword as he offered her to his mother. Ma looked down and smiled.

"There you are. I was wondering where you'd got to. And you even kept _Wado_ safe; clever boy."

Snappy puffed out his chest as Ma took White Sword from him. Yes, he _was_ a clever boy. And a good one too, no matter what Square Nose said.

"Mr Zoro…" Were those tears leaking out of the skull? Snappy wondered if skull tears tasted the same as normal tears. "I- I'm a little ashamed to be seen like this. Apparently I couldn't retrieve my shadow on my own after all."

"No problem." Ma tied his bandanna around his head and clamped White Sword in his teeth. "You're part of our crew, aren't you? Or at least, you will be once you have your shadow back. And on this crew, if a friend's in trouble, we help 'em out. You wouldn't be the first."

"I… Thank you, Mr Zoro."

Snappy stood beside Bones That Are Not For Eating as Ma rushed in to engage the sword-corpse. It was a beautiful thing to watch. Blades became ribbons of silver, black, and white; two sets of hands moved in a blurred dance. The clash of steel was a kind of jarring music as it echoed through the air.

"Oni Giri!"

"Aubade Coup Droit!"

"Tora Gari!"

"Swallow Bond Avant!"

"Tatsumaki!"

"Polka Remise!"

Gouges opened in the stone as cuts flew back and forth; the windows blew out. Snappy's quills rose with alarm when a slash opened up on Ma's chest, spewing blood. Seconds later he chittered and cheered when one of his mother's techniques destroyed most of the sword-corpse's clothing.

"Sanzen Sekai!"

"Three-Verse Humming Arrow Notch Slash!"

One of Ma's swords- the Snow Sword- shattered under the force of the blow. Ma hissed and placed the hilt back in its sheath, tying it in with a peace knot and transferring White Sword to his now-free hand. Snappy keened with worry as fresh wounds began to leak blood.

Flying slashes from both combatants tore holes in the walls. For no reason Snappy could discern, the battle moved outside, onto a nearby roof. The raptor and his skeletal companion moved to the freshly-made hole to watch. Below them, the clash of blades continued to ring like bells in the night, punctuated by the occasional splash of blood from Ma.

Then, with a great flash of silver, it ended. The black sword spun into the sky and plunged into the stone of the roof; the sword-corpse fell to his knees. Snappy couldn't hear what the corpse or Ma said, but whatever it was ended with Ma salting the sword-corpse and retrieving the black sword from where it had fallen.

"Shao?" Snappy crooned as his mother climbed back to him. Ma patted him on the head.

"Let's go find the others. Idiots… We were supposed to stay together. How'd they get lost _this_ time?"

 **SPADE**

The southbird's wings turned to lead as a red giant ripped through half the castle like cheap paper. Fire Father became solid as he tumbled out of the remains of the vents, catching Spade and the Nurse as they fell. Heavy boots slapped against stone.

"Crap… Kaya?"

"No, Ace-san, I don't have enough saline solution to de-shadow a zombie of that size. That is, assuming body mass affects the amount of salt required."

Spade cowered into Fire Father's hat. There was nothing _he_ could do against something so vast. The southbird wished it would just go away- he was too cute to die! At least the giant didn't seem to notice them right away. It was busy checking something on its arm.

Fire Father put the Nurse down. "I'll distract it so you can go find some salt."

"Ace-san…"

"It's fine. _GO!_ " Fire Father pushed his hat back and launched a flaming punch at the giant. "Hiken!"

 **BLUEJAY**

The explosion of flames told me where Ace-nii was. I ran in that direction, Coby on my tail. We had to climb over a great deal of rubble before Ace came into sight; long before I spotted my brother, I saw the _thing_ he was fighting- a giant of a zombie with red skin and wicked horns. It had a panel of stitched blue hide across its belly.

"How do we fight _that_?" Coby asked, staring upwards in awe. I bit my lip.

"We need _everybody_. Then we can do it."

Luckily, everybody was on their way. Our crew mates appeared two by two from within or over broken pieces of the castle. The giant spun and clapped as it saw all of us. "Yay! You're all here! Now I can squish you!"

A great foot smashed down forcing Bon-chan and Nami to scramble out of the way. The giant giggled. It sounded suspiciously like Nii-chan- _of course_ my rubber brother would get his shadow stuck in a giant. He couldn't stay out of trouble to save our lives, could he?

Sabo-nii flashed hand signs as he and Nii-chan emerged into the courtyard. _Anyone have any ideas?_ Franky and Brook looked confused; everyone else shrugged. This led to a bunch of people staring at Kaku as they realized he'd picked up quiet-talk.

The next few minutes were a flurry of dodging and dancing hands as we planned how to take out the undead giant. Chopper jumped up on Franky's shoulder and whispered in the cyborg's ear. Brook continued to look confused, scrambling out of the way of enormous fists. Then Chopper waved his hooves, a determined frown crossing his face. _Someone make an opening!_

Nii-chan and Zoro raced at the giant's ankles, punching and slicing. Then Llama passed Sabo-nii a bomb for him to throw at the zombie's face. "Dragon's Breath: Whitefire!"

"Gomu-Gomu no Gatling!"

"Toro Nagashi!"

Flames, fists, and steel knocked the giant back. As it staggered, Franky ran up alongside with a bunch of wood, building stairs with ridiculous speed. He didn't get all the way up, but he was close enough to throw Chopper. Our little doctor scurried over the giant body like a demented hamster, quickly disappearing from view. He reappeared seconds later.

"There's scarring and frostbite all over his left arm! We can probably tear it off!"

That was all the encouragement our crew needed. If there was anything we were good at, it was destroying stuff. Conis started with an explosive shell; the rest of us shot or ran in to fight as her bazooka roared. "Polaris!"

"Firebird Star!"

"Weapons Left!"

"Tiger, tiger, burning bright-!

"-In the forest of the night!"

"Gomu-Gomu no Rifle!"

"Hotarubi: Hidarumi!"

"Ascending Dragon!"

"Tatsumaki!"

"Blizzard Tempo!"

"Bassé Côte!"

"Braids of Rapunzel!"

"Heavy Gong!"

"Grand Slam!"

"Veinte Fleur: Calendula!"

"Black Swan Fouette!"

"Nova Constellation!"

"Rankakyu!"

Kaya hung back with Brook; unless she had a _massive_ amount of salt in her needles, she couldn't do much about a giant zombie. The singing skeleton continued to stare at our crew in confusion. "How- Miss Kaya, how does everyone know what to do? I can't hear anyone speak- not that I have ears to hear!"

"Well, Brook-san, our crew knows each other _very_ well. We don't always _need_ to talk."

"We Fight Together: Storm of Dreams!" There was a tremendous ripping noise as our combined efforts tore the damaged arm off the walking corpse. Ace-nii and Sabo-nii threw it out of the way. Then Coby and Bon-chan raced around the giant's ankles with rope, entangling it. Another shot from Conis caused it to stagger and fall over; the ground shook.

"What? No!" A man like a stitched onion appeared on a balcony. "You upstarts- how dare you do this to Oars?! My greatest creation! You won't get away with this!"

He scrambled for the corpse- although what he intended to do, I had no idea. It didn't matter anyway; by the time he got close, Conis was already dumping salt into the giant zombie's mouth. The onion man shrieked in outrage and backhanded the nearest person- Ghin- slamming him into a wall. Ace-nii looked at Nii-chan. "Lu… You want this one, or can someone else have him?"

My rubber brother's eyes blazed. "He's tough… and he tried to steal our shadows. We should _all_ kick his ass."

Llama nodded. "There's no kill like overkill."

"As if mere children like you could ever beat me, no matter how many of you there are. Shadow Revolution!"

This wasn't a new attempt at stealing our shadows; this was an attempt to control us with shadows that snaked across the ground. Bon-chan and Sanji were caught, forced to move the way the onion-man did. Moria- this must be the Moria-sama the zombies had talked about. But trapping two of us wasn't enough to stop our crew, or even really slow us down. Ghin and Kaku struck from either side within a second of Moria's attack.

"Bremen's Charge!"

"Shigan!"

Moria dodged out of the way, forcing Bon-chan and Sanji to leap with him. Unfortunately for the onion-man, his movement carried him right to me and Sabo-nii.

"Dragon's Tail!"

"White Tiger Claw!"

"Blizzard Tempo!" Nami's blast of cold air froze Moria's feet to the ground. Then Ace-nii and Sora took to the air, my eldest brother glowing from within like a human torch. "Flame Dragon: Let There Be Light!"

The battlefield lit up orange, most of the shadows disappearing. Bon-chan and Sanji staggered free of Moria's hold, swinging in to kick the man before rolling into formation with the rest of our crew. It really _was_ unfair, having so many of us against one man. We kept darting in two or three at a time, never letting Moria focus on one of us alone. All of us took a few good hits- except Usopp and Conis who shot from afar- but Moria took far more. And then he started shaking.

"You _wretched, awful_ children! Very well- let's see how you do against your own!" Despite the light covering the battlefield, Moria drew shadows in from… somewhere. They coalesced into a ball in his hand as they flowed in from every direction. I counted seventy-seven before my eyes started to spin. Still… Hadn't Moria already tried making us fight ourselves? Both by stealing our shadows, and by trying to puppet Bon-chan and Sanji?

"Haaaah!" Moria slammed the ball of shadows into Nii-chan when he charged in for an attack. My rubber brother collapsed with a cry, clutching his stomach as if he was about to vomit. His skin slowly turned blue, his limbs swelling as his hair spiked up. For a long thirty seconds, Luffy didn't move.

I launched myself at the onion-man, raking my fingers across his eyes. "What did you do to my brother?!" Moria grabbed me and held me away from his face, so I slipped my nekode on and slammed the little spikes into the giant hand wrapped around my waist. Moria's grip slipped, although not enough for me to escape. Not that I was worried about that; I was busy being _angry_ that the onion-man had hurt my brother. I sank my teeth into Moria's finger.

He ignored me in favour of gloating. "Now that he's full of shadows, your _brother_ is just like one of my zombies- no, better! A hundred shadows to give him the strengths of a hundred warriors, and a body that can actually _use_ his Devil Fruit abilities! It won't last long either- the shadows will overwhelm and kill him in ten minutes or so, so I don't even have to worry about cleaning up _that_ after the battle is over!"

Moria threw me on the ground and tried to stomp on me; I rolled out of the way. "Kishishishishishi! Now, my shadowy warrior, avenge your fallen brethren! Destroy the Straw Hat Pirates!"

Nii-chan stood up, glowering at everyone and everything around him. Picking up a sword from somewhere in the rubble, my brother turned slowly- a complete circuit, eyeing each member of our crew in turn. He kept going until he was facing Moria again, his eyes glowing with rage. His voice, when he spoke, didn't sound _anything_ like usual, far too dark and growly to belong to my big brother.

"No." A horizontal slash swiped at Moria's knees. The onion-man staggered back in surprise. Nii-chan continued to attack, swinging the sword with one hand and firing off punches with the other. He drove Moria into attacks from other crew members. A kick from Sanji and the blurred slash of a black sword hit the onion-man from behind.

"Tora Gari!"

"Tendron!"

A few minutes later, we had Moria on his knees. The onion-man panted and rolled his eyes, foaming at the mouth. "You- you can't do this to me! Shadow's Asgard!" More scraps of shadow flew in from different parts of the island- although from the looks of it, there weren't nearly as many as Moria expected. The shadows flitted across Ace-nii's circle of light. When they came close enough to touch him, Moria absorbed them, swelling larger and larger with each. It was creepy and gross.

Laughing, the onion-man reached up to bat at Ace and Sora. "Now I have the strength of a thou- a hundred! Do you still think you can possibly win?"

Sora smirked darkly. "Yep."

My cousin dropped my brother, careening through the air; Ace-nii landed on Moria's back. Flames still lit up the whole area to minimize the onion-man's ability to use external shadows. Grinning, my eldest brother turned from a glowing human into a column of pure fire. "Hokage Kawarimi!"

"Gyah!" The smell of burned flesh filled the air. Moria dropped and rolled- right into Nii-chan's steaming, still-oversized fist.

"Gear Second! Jet Pistol! Stamp! Gattling!" Luffy's attack sent Morai tumbling away before he could smother Ace. My rubber brother followed up the blows with a massive sword swipe, scoring a line along Moria's swollen throat. A single shadow flitted out with a dribble of blood. Growling, the onion-man stood and lunged for Luffy. This time he was stopped by an explosion as Llama, Conis, and Usopp shot him in the side. Moria staggered.

Nami stared at the horizon. "It's almost dawn. I know _we_ all have our shadows back, but we should still try to beat him quickly- if the owners of any of his shadows are on this island, they'll still turn to dust."

"Dawn?" Brook looked up. "It's been so long since I saw the sun- not that I have eyes to see! Yohohohoho! That must mean some of the shaking earlier was Thriller Bark changing course."

Kaya jabbed four needles into Moria's thigh as he bowled past her in an attempt to get at the boomstick trio. He staggered again as powerful sedatives flowed through his body- staggered right into a breath attack from Sora as my cousin swooped through the air. "Dream Impulse!"

I ran in to crack Moria's nose with a kick as he went down. A few shadows popped out. More emerged when Coby and Kaku jumped on the back of the onion-man's head, but not enough. Getting the shadows out would take forever at this rate. Then Nii-chan rushed over, biting his thumb. "Here! Let me! Gear Third!" My brother's arm inflated to bizarre proportions, like a shadowy blue balloon, before twisting around. "Gomu-Gomu no Giant Rifle!"

His punch drove into Moria, drilling the onion-man into the ground. Shadows gushed out of both of them like a pair of broken faucets. Luffy punched again, and again, until no more shadows were seeping from his skin, and those pouring from Moria had slowed to a trickle. By then, the onion-man had been woken up and knocked unconscious again, his eyes rolling back white in his head. A final kick from my rubber brother- exhausted and barely holding on to consciousness in his own right- sent the last few shadows trickling away.

And just in time too. A beam of sunlight lit Nii-chan up golden as he turned tiny with a rubbery pop and fell to his knees.

"Shishishishi! That was easier than I thought!" Giving lie to his words, my rubber brother collapsed into unconsciousness with a smile.

"Many hands make light work Lu." Sabo-nii picked Nii-chan up and held him like a baby. I think Sabo liked it when Luffy shrank; it reminded him of when we were little.

The rest of us were all conscious, though tired and sore. We began patching each other up, with Chopper frequently pausing to check on Nii-chan. Not that we were given much time for that, as an ominous shadow fell across us. It belonged to a gigantic bear of a man. He held a book against his chest and stared down at us with blank, white-gold eyes. There was something… _off_ about him. A small pinging noise sounded as the stranger jumped down to land among us.

"Straw Hat Luffy…" The man's voice was deep and flat. "I've been ordered to bring in your head. Please come quietly; resistance would be futile."

"Futile my ass!" Ace-nii and I pounced in unison, the rest of the crew a beat behind us. And then the world exploded.

I regained my senses probably half a minute later. Rubble pressed on me from all sides, crushing my lungs. Digging myself out took the next five minutes and left the rubble streaked with blood. Stone shards had left slices all over my body, ripping my tunic and tights; my fingernails were bloodied and broken from clawing myself free. Looking around, I couldn't see most of my crew maters. They must be buried.

The only ones visible were Sanji- groaning on the ground- and Zoro. Our swordsman stood in front of the stranger, back ramrod straight. My blood ran cold; _Hatajirushi_ whispered from my hip. _He's doing it. What he asked me… My moment…_

"Luffy can't die here… I'll make you a deal. I'm the first mate; my bounty's high too. Take me instead and let the others go."

White-gold eyes stared down at Zoro, considering. "Perhaps… If you can prove your worth as a replacement. Take in your captain's pain, all of it from your journey. If you can do that, I'll grant your request."

"How?"

A huge hand fished Nii-chan out of the rubble; another pressed flat against Luffy's chest. Bloo-loop. Something pink floated out of my brother, taking the shape of a giant paw. It had a sinister aura; no one in their right mind would want to touch it. And yet Zoro was about to.

Sanji pulled himself to his feet, more conscious than he'd appeared. "Shitty Marimo… Let me do it. We have a backup cook, even if all he does is shitty baking; we don't have a backup first mate."

"Heh. You weren't there when Luffy picked me. Either Ace or Sabo would gladly take the position- they already act more like it than I do anyway."

"Don't be a stubborn asshole, Shithead."

Zoro's response was to club Sanji over the head with the hilt of one sword, knocking him out. The swordsman stared back up at the stranger. "I'll do it. Just… Just let me pick the place."

"Without even testing it out?" A hint of confusion worked its way into the flat voice. "You'd offer that without even knowing what you're in for?"

"Of course. I'm a Straw Hat; we always jump right in." Zoro sheathed his swords and began walking through the rubble. The towering stranger followed at a slow pace.

I wasn't registering any of this properly. The only connection I could make was that Zoro was _leaving_ , that he was going with the strange man _away_ from the _crew_ , and he'd made me _promise_ not to let him do that. I drew _Hatajirushi_ , running my thumb over the inscription on the sheath as I did so. Even if Zoro was doing this to save the rest of us, he'd made me promise. I scrambled across the ground on all fours, my head spinning, to launch myself at Zoro's back. The hilt pf my weapon struck home with a hollow thunking noise.

Yelling in surprise, the swordsman tried to reach back and pull me off. I hissed and continued to hit him until he went down. It took seven or eight strikes all told. The stranger with the white-gold eyes watched the entire exchange without a hint of emotion. "Red Talons… What was that?"

"Zoro can't leave the crew," I snarled. "He made me promise- if it ever looked like he was leaving or betraying the crew, I was to strike him down from behind."

"But he was giving his life to save the rest of you."

"Doesn't matter!"

"You're delusional. Or concussed. Although if I were a betting man, I'd put my money on both." The stranger stared at me. I wondered if he ever blinked. "But now I have no head to offer the World Government, so I'm afraid I'll be going back for Straw Hat's."

"No." I stood between the stranger and my crew mates, holding _Hatajirushi_ pointed at his head. Then I saw the pink paw bubble, still floating beside us. "If you need a head, take mine instead."

"Yours? And what makes you think your head is worth anything? You're neither captain, nor a ranking officer; a bounty of 100,000,000 is impressive for one of your age, but hardly enough to compensate for the loss of your brother's. What do you have to offer me, Red Talons?"

"Not an offer- a promise. If you _don't_ accept my head in exchange for the crew's safety, I'll make your life a living Hell." I glared up at the stranger, baring my teeth. He didn't react. "Wherever you put us when you capture us, we'll escape. And when we do, I'll be gunning for _you_. My father is the head of the Revolution, and my grandfathers are the hero of the marines and the strongest pirate in the world- no matter where you try to hide, I'll find you. And I _will_ make you regret coming after my family."

The towering man stared flatly at me for a long minute. Then he nodded, still without showing any emotion, so I had no idea what he was thinking. "Very well. Your brother's pain is there; take it. If you can take it all, I shall leave the rest of your crew alone. For now."

"Joke's on you," I said with a grin, shoving my arm into the pink bubble. "I don't feel pain."

And I didn't- at first. For thirty seconds or so, all I felt was a vague tingling. It grew slowly stronger, until my entire body was full of itching. The pink bubble was slowly shrinking as time passed, with the stranger watching me with the same flat stare as ever. A few minutes later, the itching escalated to a dull ache, followed by stinging and then burning. I grit my teeth and glared up at the stranger, not willing to show the pain. Soon it felt like… Well, the only comparison I had was that it felt like having shingles again, the worst pain I could remember covering my whole body. And then it got even _worse_. The physical pain kept escalating, and with it came emotional- fear, anxiety, stress. I bit my tongue hard enough that it bled. And it wasn't alone- as well as the wounds I already had, new ones were opening all over my body. My skin and clothes, even the rocks around me ran red.

My vision slowly going black, I grinned up at the stranger. Blood trickled out of my mouth. "Told… you…" The last of the pink bubble disappeared into my arm. One final spike of pain tore through me; I collapsed as soon as it had run its course. Just before the blackness took over my vision completely, I thought I saw the stranger's mouth move. I couldn't hear what he was saying though.

 **SORA**

The first thing he saw when he regained his senses was a wall of pulsing, iridescent turquoise. It took several minutes for his rattled brain to register that this was a section of his own wing, returned to its normal colouring after hours of being murky and dark. A few minutes of wriggling dislodged him from a heap of rubble. When he stood up and looked around, a spark of panic ran down his spine. His crew, his family… Where was everyone? What little building hadn't been destroyed by the giant zombie had been flattened, as if from some great explosion. The only ones Sora could see were Sanji, lying unconscious across a chunk of stone, and Luffy, snoring between two piles of shingles.

Claws clicking on stone, Sora scrambled over to the cook and began shaking him. "Hey! Hey! Wake up!"

"Shitty Dragon…" the cook groaned. "What's wrong?"

"Everyone's been buried! We need to find them!" So saying, the zoan user began tearing through the rubble, flinging chunks of stone away from the battleground. He wished his animal had a better nose; if he was Chopper, he would've been able to sniff out the other Straw Hats in a matter of seconds. As it was, his ability to sense water was only useful for locating people when they were on land, which this island… wasn't. Which meant that Sora was sensing water under _everything_.

The sound of his voice woke Luffy as well. Dark eyes blinked blearily as the rubber captain tried to figure out what was going on. He joined Sora and Sanji soon enough, burrowing through stone, concrete, and wood.

A few minutes of frantic digging uncovered a pocket in the stones, where Usopp was curled protectively around Kaya. Seconds later, Sanji kicked aside a chunk of tower that uncovered a door into the part of the castle that was still standing. Out came Brook and Ghin. One by one, they found the rest of the crew- all except Zoro and Bluejay. Ace and Sabo were frantic.

"Where's Blue?" The eldest Monkey had morphed back into a column of flames; no one could get near him. "If the sword-slinging idiot did anything-!"

"I found Zoro!" Conis interrupted. Everyone rushed over to the psychologist and the swordsman. There was a massive lump on the back of Zoro's head; it looked like someone had tried to bash his skull open.

Groaning, the first mate sat up. "Dammit. What hit me?"

"No idea." Sanji lit a cigarette. "But I'm guessing Blue-chan did to you what you did to me."

"Shit."

Captain Snappy squawked, sniffing at the ground. Chopper soon joined him, shifting into his reindeer form. The doctor pawed at the ground. "We found her trail- this way!"

 _This way_ seemed to lead around a single particularly large chunk of stone, to a small dip in the ground. Bluejay was lying there, unmoving, surrounded by her own splattered blood. The sight of her was followed half a second later by a series of pained yells- Luffy first, then Ace and Sabo in stereo. Sora froze for a second before releasing his own bestial, high-pitched shriek, his scales returning to a dark, oily hue.

All around him, the rainbow serpent heard sniffling, hands clapping over mouths, hiccoughs and whines… The sound of a crew in distress. Coby curled in on himself, tears blurring his glasses. Even Kaku looked a little sad. But Sora tuned all this out. All he could think about was his little cousin- he should've been able to _protect_ her. It didn't matter that she was a better fighter than he was; he shouldn't have let this happen. He should've done _something_ … The rainbow serpent hissed and clutched at his head, unable to think clearly.

Chopper ran to Bluejay's side with a distressed whine, shifting to brain point mid-step before kneeling at her side. Tiny hooves pressed against her neck; the little reindeer's eyes lit up with relief. "She- she's alive! Someone find my medical bag! Blue needs about nine thousand stitches, plus I need to do an examination to make sure her internal organs are intact! Robin, Sora, Usopp, or Sanji, I'm gonna need your help- Bluejay's lost a lot of blood!"

Nodding, Coby disappeared with a soru and a puff of dust.

"Why them?" Ace asked with a growl. Chopper, shifting into doctor mode, frowned.

"Because Bluejay's blood type is O+. Which means she can only accept blood from an O+ or O- donor; they're the only ones available at the moment. If you want to help, get her to a table or something so I can get at her better."

Nodding, Ace picked up his sister and carried her into the part of the castle that was still standing, the rest of the crew following. They were met at the door by a large, salmon-haired woman with painted lips. A crowd of ragged men trailed behind her, many of them yelling with delight and staring at their shadows as they danced. Luffy squinted at her.

"Who're you?"

"Lola the Proposer, at your service. Wanna marry me?"

"No."

"Rejected!" the scruffy men behind Lola chorused helpfully.

Sighing, the pirate woman shook her head. "I expected that. Anyway, my men and I were stuck here because we couldn't get our shadows back from Moria. So, thank you. For defeating him, I mean."

"You're welcome," Sora snapped. He shouldered through the crowd, making a space for Ace to carry Bluejay inside.

The fireball laid his little sister down on a table in the still-intact main hall. Chopper arrived seconds later and hopped up on the table beside her while the rest of the crew gathered around. Coby was the last to appear, a puff of dust announcing his arrival with Chopper's medical bag. Sora held out his arm as the doctor got to work.

"If she needs blood, use mine. I'm related; that makes it better, right?"

"Not necessarily," Chopper mumbled as he stitched assorted injuries closed. Kaya soon joined him. "But it shouldn't make things any worse either."

Sewing Bluejay up took some time. Sora felt so helpless, watching Chopper and Kaya stitch his cousin together. He wished there was something he could do… He couldn't lose his little cousin again. But everyone else seemed hopeful. Sora turned to Conis and opened his mouth- she answered him before he could actually get any words out.

"Don't worry Sora; Bluejay's tough. She'll pull through this. Although… This won't be good for their separation anxiety. Weeks of progress lost." The psychologist shook her head and sighed.

Finally, the stitches were in and Chopper and Kaya began preparing equipment for a blood transfusion. Sora held out his arm again. At a look from the doctor, the rainbow serpent sat down with a sheepish look. Chopper rolled his eyes. "I really wish you would at least let your scales go back to normal again before doing this- we still don't know what it means."

"Sorry…" Sora tried to calm down. It was hard; he couldn't seem to turn back fully human either. He kept looking at his little cousin, raised stitches covering her skin. Those were going to scar. Sora reached out and brushed one claw against Bluejay's cheek.

Soon enough, it was done. Bluejay was still out, but Chopper and Kaya had done all they could. Sora felt a little woozy from donating blood. Sanji huffed and handed him something wrapped in brown paper. It turned out to be a slightly squashed muffin; the rainbow serpent devoured it gratefully. It made him feel slightly better, physically at least.

"Is the little one going to be alright?" Brook asked quietly from behind them. Kaya nodded.

"Yes Brook-san. It may take her a while to wake up and heal, but Bluejay-san should make a full recovery."

"That's good." The skeleton tried to smile, although it was hard to tell without any skin.

With Bluejay out of immediate danger, everyone seemed adrift. Zoro crouched by a wall, scowling at nothing and mumbling to himself; the swordsman gripped his own wrist so hard that his nails bit into the skin. It looked painful. When Bon-chan went to ask what was wrong, the first mate growled something incoherent and nearly threw the okama across the room. Seconds later, Llama rapped the moss-head with her stick. Zoro didn't retaliate physically, but he _did_ direct a glare that could peel paint in the explosive expert's direction. She frowned right back.

Kaku and Sanji started fighting over nothing shortly after, as Ace and Sabo commiserated over not being able to protect their little sister. Spade, the smug little shit, nearly dive-bombed Bluejay; Coby kicked him out of the air. It said something about how out-of-sorts everyone was that Ace didn't say anything to the cabin boy when his bird smacked into the floor with a squawk. Luffy, whose sudden lack of injuries was confusing, sat despondently beside Bluejay's unmoving form, running his fingers through her hair.

"Sorry Blue… I dunno what happened, but it shouldn't've. Dammit… I promised when I became your big brother that I'd protect you…"

Then Zoro seemed to come to a decision. Pushing away from his wall, the swordsman approached the captain. "It goes both ways. She- this happened because she was trying to protect _you_. And… it's my fault as well. Back after the stuff with Saga and the moon curse… I told her that if I ever looked to be abandoning the crew again, she was to strike me down from behind. I guess when I offered to give my life for the crew, she saw it as me abandoning everyone. She knocked me out and- and took my place."

Zoro bowed his head and knelt before Luffy, holding out one of his swords- _Wado Ichimonji_. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean for this to happen."

Luffy looked at the sword, not comprehending what it meant. Robin nudged him with her elbow. "He's offering you his life as an apology for what happened to your sister."

"Oh…" Luffy placed his hand on _Wado Ichimonji_ and pushed it back towards Zoro. "Blue lived, and even if she died, losing you too wouldn't bring her back. Don't worry about it."

Sora was surprised to see that level of maturity from his captain. Zoro nodded and put his sword away, standing and backing up to lean on a wall again. Then Luffy leaned over and kissed Bluejay's forehead, running his fingers along a couple lines of her stitches before sighing and pulling back.

Plinking noises rose from an old piano in the corner; Brook was playing with it, checking the tune. Soon the quiet noises morphed into a slow, somewhat sad ballad. Nami shook her head and sighed. Kaya smiled, an expression that was as much a threat as anything, fiddling with a needle as she sidled over to the skeleton. The nurse leaned on the piano, Usopp coming up behind to drape an arm around her shoulders.

"Can't you play something happy, Brook-san? Bluejay-san isn't going to die, and we just defeated a Shichibukai- as worried as we are, surely we ought to be celebrating as well?"

"Of course." The skeleton nodded. "My apologies." His plinking sped up, cycling through several tunes before stopping. Brook frowned, insofar as a skeleton could. "No, no, none of those are right. Something celebratory… but that acknowledges the hardships as well. Ah! I know…"

Opening up his skull, Brook pulled out a shell and set it in front of him on the piano. Pressing a nub on one end, the musician began to play along with the music that emerged.

" _Yo hohoho, yo hohoho Yo hohoho, yo hohoho_

 _Yo hohoho, yo hohoho Yo hohoho, yo hohoho_

 _Gather up all of the crew, it's time to ship out Binks' brew._

 _Sea wind blows, to where, who knows? The waves will be our guide._

 _O'er across the ocean's tide. Rays of sunshine far and wide._

 _Birds they sing, of cheerful things, in circles passing by."_

Lola and her men perked up at the sound of the song. "Hey, we know this one. It's a classic. One of my favourites!" One by one, she and her men added their voices to Brook's.

" _Bid farewell to weaver's town, say so long to port renowned._

 _Sing a song, it won't be long, before we're casting off._

 _Cross the gold and silver seas, a salty spray puts us at ease,_

 _Day and night, to our delight, the voyage never ends."_

Faces brightened as the bouncy tune went on. Even Ace and Sabo had to smile, rising from their commiserating with small smiles. The elder brothers each placed a hand on Luffy's shoulders as the youngest began singing quietly. They joined him in stereo, their voices low and rolling.

" _Gather up all of the crew, it's time to ship out Binks' brew._

 _Pirates, we eternally are challenging the sea._

 _With the waves to rest our heads, ship beneath us as our beds,_

 _Hoisted high upon the mast, our jolly roger flies._

 _Somewhere in the endless sky, stormy winds are blowing by,_

 _Waves are dancing, evening comes, it's time to sound the drums._

 _But steady men, and never fear, tomorrow's skies are always clear._

 _So pound your feet and clap your hands 'til sunny days return."_

By the middle of the song, the only one who wasn't smiling was Brook. Sora would've assumed that had something to do with the lack of skin and stuff, except the skeleton was crying. Tears splashed down on ivory keys.

" _Yo hohoho, yo hohoho Yo hohoho, yo hohoho_

 _Yo hohoho, yo hohoho Yo hohoho, yo hohoho_

 _Gather up all of the crew, it's time to ship out Binks' brew._

 _Wave goodbye, but don't you cry, our memories remain._

 _Our days are but a passing dream, everlasting though they seem._

 _Beneath the moon we'll meet again, the wind's our lullaby."_

Usopp, Franky, and Chopper began dancing arm in arm on one of the tables, chopsticks in their noses. Conis chuckled at the sight, her hands covering her mouth; Ghin rolled his eyes. Bon-chan joined the dance a moment later, spinning across the room with Captain Snappy in his arms. The raptor looked like he might be sick. Off in a corner near Brook's seat, Llama was waltzing slowly with her stick and mumbling about someone named Frederick.

" _Gather up all of the crew, it's time to ship out Binks' brew._

 _Sing a song, and play along for all the oceans wide._

 _After all is said and done, you'll end up a skeleton,_

 _So spread your tale from dawn 'til dusk upon these foamy seas._

 _Yo hohoho, yo hohoho…Yo hohoho, yo hohoho…_

 _Yo hohoho, yo hohoho…Yo hohoho, yo hohoho…_

 _Yo hohoho, yo hohoho…Yo hohoho, yo hohoho…_

 _Yo hohoho, yo hohoho…Yo hohoho, yo hohoho…"_

Soon everyone in the room was partying, singing and dancing around the room. Every once in a while, someone checked on Bluejay, still unconscious- usually this was Zoro or Coby, with Luffy, Ace, and Sabo as close seconds. Sora stayed close to his little cousin too, trying to decide what to do. He came up with nothing.

As the song came to an end, Luffy sighed and draped himself over the piano. A small smile warmed the captain's face. "Ne… So Brook, now that you've got your shadow back, and Moria's gone and everything… _Now_ can you join my crew?"

More tears fell from the skeleton's eyes; he wiped them on the back of his boney hand. "Mr Luffy… I would like nothing better."


	31. Rick Sawyer and Llamaberry Finn

**A/N: This chapter was brought to you from Reference Hell. Cookies to anyone who spots them all. Hey peeps! Today we present you with a special edition chapter! Yay (hopefully)! If you couldn't tell already, this note was not written by the beautiful Blue. But me, the lovely Llama! Yay (hopefully)! *cough* Anyway. This chapter was also written by me, as I felt the need some months ago to write my own addition to this giant story of ours. However, I didn't want to mess with the characterization already established and my writing style is quite different from Blue's so that would be bound to happen. Pre-Strawhats, though, Llama was mostly alone so I got to explore what she's like by herself and some of her weirdness that slowly comes in when she's more comfortable around those closest to her (which reflects me and I hope it's not too weird).**

 **I took a page out of Blue's book and based some of what happened/happens here off stuff that I actually went to (though some things needed to be changed since Beyblades didn't exist yet for Llama when she poofed. They're basically tops, anyway).**

 **Songs featured;** _ **It's All Your Fault -**_ **Pink,** _ **Somewhere Better**_ **\- Muppets Treasure Island,** _ **Somewhere -**_ **Within Temptation,** _ **Someday Soon**_ **\- Great Big Sea,** _ **It's Ours This Time**_ **\- The Nightmare Before Christmas,** _ **Carrot Juice Is Murder**_ **\- The Arrogant Worms,** _ **Tourniquet**_ **\- Evanescence,** _ **Shiver My Timbers**_ **\- Muppets Treasure Island. Hopefully they are all easily indicated.**

 **There are a few short poems in this fic that are original to me. Mostly because when I'm down that tends to happen if my writing ability isn't shot.**

 **Which brings me to my final point. More of my mental state ended up transferring over to Llama than I initially intended. Well nothing is named in this chapter I ended up giving her similar or the same issues that I actually have in real life. This means I feel the need to issue a warning for this chapter in case any of this is triggering.**

 **WARNING: This chapter contains descriptions of self-harm, mental illness, and self-deprecation.**

She was swimming. Or was she? She wasn't entirely sure. It was the same floaty feeling of drifting in a cool lake- and she was certainly moving- but the weightlessness was disconcerting rather than soothing, and the last thing she remembered was exploring the woods behind Pony's house.

 _Pony_.

Llama bolted upright, arms flailing and legs kicking out. As a reward, she almost drowned.

The sudden shift in weight threw her off her precarious balance and she abruptly found herself with a mouth and nose full of water. She raced to the water's surface, sputtering and coughing indignantly as she reached the stagnant air.

Blinking water from her eyes, she quickly scanned her surroundings. She spotted a ship wreck nearby and swam to it, carefully climbing onto its slanted deck. Collapsing onto the old wood, Llama drew in great gasps of air and closed her eyes in relief. She waited for her strength to return before she sat up and took stock of her situation.

The first thing she noticed was the water. She'd have to be exceedingly stupid to not notice it, though, considering she was just in it. Llama was not _that_ idiotic.

The second thing was how dark and misty it was, especially at the edges of this place. Well, shit.

"I'm in Bridgton," Llama muttered, finally getting to her feet. If she saw a Grey Widower she was _so_ out. Her gaze dropped to the wood beneath her. "I'm on a boat." She felt like there should be a beat to go with that, but she had no idea what it would be. In any case, it was a mystery how this half-destroyed ship wasn't at the bottom of the ocean right now. She frowned. Was there a bottom? Did a lack of a bottom mean everything floated? Was gravity just screwed up here? Was there some eldritch horror, a servant of the Old Ones lurking in the depths?

 _ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn_

A splash drew her attention to the water. Only ripples were a sign that anything was there. She wondered if it was a bass or trout of some kind. If she remembered correctly, that was what most people fished up in her area. Or smelt! She licked her lips at the thought, hoping she had time to make the smelt fry this year.

That water splashed again, pulling her from fishy dreams, and drew her gaze to a large fin as it broke the surface of the water in a distinctly sharklike way. Well shit.

A giant shark leapt from the water, tail lashing as it approached her. Llama dropped to the ground, eyes wide as the great beast flew over her and landed with a crash on the other side of the ship. The resulting wave disrupted it and sent it careening into a distant collection of wrecked ships. Some were even in better condition than the one to which she clung to for dear life.

She groaned and lay splayed out on the deck. It was still early and she was already tired. Though, to be fair, when _wasn't_ she tired?

Just as it was occurring to her that she didn't actually know what time it was, an ear-splitting crack shook her from her daze. Without thought, she bolted up and latched onto the side of another ship next to her. She pulled herself up and slipped in through a porthole just as her first ship sank. She collapsed against the side of the new ship, gasping as she listened to the ruined one finally succumb to the sea's embrace.

Hmm, somewhat poetic. Probably not worth remembering.

Llama didn't move for a long time. Eventually though, she grew uncomfortable and stood to start exploring her new surroundings.

It was dark, much like the outside had been though it was still bright enough to see by. The walls around her appeared to be white or even a particular shade of white-blue – she couldn't be sure in this lighting. The accents seemed to be in blue, at least, with little waves lining the edges. She supposed it would have been pretty enough if the lights were on – and there were lights, Llama saw them sticking out from the walls – but why they were off she could only guess at. She was pretty sure at least _one_ person should be up manning the ship to avoid crashing into things. Not that any of these ships were actually _going_ anywhere…

"It's probably a really sinister reason," she muttered to herself. Still, it would help to get a lay of the land. So to speak.

Now, Llama had seen _way_ too many horror movies to be stupid enough to call out for whomever, or whatever, might be on board with her. So, she stuck to the deepest shadows – of which there were plenty, and she pushed the thoughts of monsters lurking in those same shadows away – and carefully peeked through the tiny cracks in the doorways.

No matter where she looked, there wasn't a single sign of life.

Feeling nervous, she pulled out a sort-of-gray plush bunny with black eyes and nose and shaggy fur, and hugged it tightly against her chest. It was sort-of-gray because, under all the dirt and grime, the bunny was actually white. Not that Llama particularly cared. She'd get around to washing him. Eventually.

Companion secured, Llama continued her search of the ship. It was much bigger than she thought a ship could be. Granted, she knew very little about ships, so that wasn't all that surprising. Still, she was fairly confident that a thousand or more people could be stuffed into it. Which would be terrible in the case of a zombie outbreak.

She made a mental note to add that to her notebook later.

A thin layer of dust coated everything like a shroud from the morgue, though it seemed to be more from recent disuse rather than long established abandonment. Which was kind of weird in her honest opinion considering dust was mostly dead skin and she didn't even see a corpse anywhere.

She paused. Did she want to see a corpse? Well, as long as it wasn't an animal or moving it would be an interesting experience.

Eventually, when she was sure she had explored every inch of the ship, Llama returned to one of bedrooms that had seemed to belong to a woman. With everyone gone, she didn't think anyone would really care if she borrowed some clothes. She found a towel, quickly dried off, changed, and hung up her clothes in the connected bathroom. Reluctantly, she took off her scarf as well; it was absolutely soaked and needed it. She took out a red marker and a small notebook with a pencil attached to it with a piece of twine. All of which was perfectly fine.

Thank god for waterproofing.

She froze at the thought and her gaze shot to the watch on her right wrist. It was stopped at 4:13. Shit. She stared at the frozen hands for a moment before twisting the knob to see if that would do anything.

Nope.

And now it was stuck at 6:20. Fantastic.

She took it off and looked at the back. Yup. Water resistant, not waterproof. Fantastic. And it was her grandma's watch too.

Sighing, she put it back on and made a mental note to put it away once her clothes were dry. In the meantime, she was feeling a bit peckish.

Llama pocketed the notebook - these Marines and their huge pockets, she loved them - and uncapped the marker as she left the room. She marked the door with an 'X' and made her way to the kitchens, marking the walls with swirls, lines, and stars as she went. Once she reached the kitchens, she placed another 'X' on the door and stepped inside. She stopped dead.

There was no microwave. Shit.

She groaned, wondered how she missed that the first go 'round and headed to the pantry and the freezer-looking thing.

All raw ingredients. Shit hell.

Somewhere, whatever higher power or powers that might exist were laughing at her. Maybe. Probably. Did Pony count? Pony totally counted.

The thought of her friend had her biting her lip and digging her nails into her palms. A hole opened up in her chest, a hollow pit somewhere around her heart that she couldn't quite describe. It wasn't black, at least.

Llama took a steadying breath and began searching for something simple she could eat. There was an abundance of things she could throw into some trail mix in addition to some fresh fruit. Dinner secured, she ate quickly and quickly retreated to the bedroom with a glass of water (the plumbing still worked... she wasn't even going to _pretend_ to understand how ships worked).

She locked the door when she returned, placed the glass on the bedside table, and moved Fluffy to the bed. She paused beside it and frowned, the creeping claws of nerves crawling through her veins. Taking a calming breath, she thoroughly checked the room to ensure she was the only one inside. There was empty save for her. Solitude verified, she moved the big chair (seriously who needed a chair this huge on a ship? Who needed a ship this big, anyway? Were these Marines invaders or something?) and shoved it in front of the door as extra security. Just because she hadn't found anyone on the ship - and an inventory of her stuff showed nothing was taken - didn't mean they didn't exist.

This place had giant sharks; she wasn't taking any risks.

Finally, she removed the ill-fitting Marine boots, collapsed on the bed with her favourite bunny, and fell asleep.

LL~~AA

Llama jerked awake and stared at Fluffy. It still appeared to be rather dark. What time was it? She squinted at her watch. 6:20. Huh.

Wait a minute.

Eyes wide, she jumped out of bed, tripping over some boots in the process. She stared uncomprehendingly at them for a moment before it all came rushing back.

The mist, the water, giant jumping sharks.

"Mrs. Verne is going to be _so_ mad at me," she groaned, throwing an arm over her eyes. She'd probably never get another babysitting gig again. Which, okay, fine, she'd actually be rather happy about that except she _really_ needed the money. Well, she probably didn't need money in this place but she couldn't stay here. She'd find a way out, right? Somehow?

Llama frowned, snagged Fluffy off the bed, and hugged him close to her chest. Eventually she got up and went to check her clothes. Everything had managed to dry overnight, though her scarf was still a little wet. That's fine, though. She didn't mind too much.

Even so, she figured she might as well wear the Marine clothes for a while. For a change.

After a quick shower (working electricity and running water; wow did she have _no clue_ as to how boats were supposed to work) she packed up all her stuff, put on her stuff, and began her search for a way home.

Days passed. At least, Llama assumed they did. She has no way to track the passage of time. The sky never brightened but it didn't get any darker either. Her watch was still broken and she really liked sleeping but she had really bad sleeping habits. As a result, she was completely lost when it came to time. It made her itch. She _needed_ to know the time and it irked her so much.

Also, she really needed batteries.

She sighed as the lights and pixels on her Gameboy flickered out and her progress was lost.

Bloody hell.

She took out the freshly dead batteries and chucked them over her shoulder and the railing of the Marine ship. Which would put acid into the water and damage whatever ecosystem existed here.

Llama bolted to her feet and spun to watch where they landed which -

\- was right in the mouth of the giant shark. Which then proceeded to circle around the ship like a weird stalker. Or something.

Okay then.

Llama turned and headed to the kitchen. She returned with a tray full of raw meat. She wasn't sure how sharks handled frozen food but it didn't seem bothered by the batteries so…

Also, it was a Shark of Unusual Size; it probably lived off anything it could get its jaws on.

She tipped the tray over the railing, accidently dropping it into the water alongside the meat.

Whoops.

The shark made another pass and gobbled it all in a single bite. Then it promptly swam off somewhere

"Well," Llama mused, "that was a thing."

She decided to name it Neptune. It just seemed to fit.

LL~~AA

Llama couldn't decide if this was a good place to avoid zombies or not. On the one hand, it would be pretty hard for them to move between ships. Unless they were special zombies. Or smart ones. Or had superpowers like the Flash. But normal zombies would have a hard time.

The other hand involved narrow corridors and convoluted floor plans. Plus, it was still tricky t o pass between ships for living people. Neptune didn't exactly make for friendly waters either.

Thinking about it, this would be a terrible place to be stuck in during a zombie apocalypse.

Llama sighed as she dropped more meat into the water. Neptune didn't seem to be around today but she didn't really mind. She just wanted something to _do_.

"I conjured up the thought of being gone," she sang quietly as she danced back into the bowels of the ship. "But I'd probably even do that wrong." She had a lot of songs popping into her head lately. She wasn't quite sure where they came from, and she knew for a fact that she'd never heard any of them before she ended up here. It was like they just drifted in from some half-remembered dream.

It was kind of annoying to be honest.

Every inch of this particular ship had been explored by now, and she was thinking it was time to move on. The food supply didn't have much of a dent in it besides the meat – which was weird, given her hollow leg, but for some reason she just wasn't hungry as often lately – and while it was nice having a place to shower and a comfy bed, it was getting rather dull and uninteresting. It didn't help that this was definitely not assisting her search for a way home.

If that even meant anything at this point. Either way, it was time to move on.

So, she packed up all her things and as much food as she could, changed back into her normal clothes, dumped the rest of the meat into the water, and turned towards the nearest ship. It was much smaller than the Marine ship, and in much worse condition.

Sighing, Llama adjusted her scarf, pulled out her special stick, and jumped across to begin her exploration.

LL~~AA

Despite the vast number of ships, there seemed to be no one else around. It was rather eerie and made her feel as if she was in a horror movie. And not a cool one at that.

Maybe Neptune ate everyone.

"Did you eat everyone?" Llama asked the shark as it circled around. With a giant splash, it dove beneath the surface and swam away. Llama took that as a yes.

In any case, the lack of people meant she didn't feel too bad about rummaging through things. Several ships, particularly the ones with pirate flags, had vast treasure troves. Most of it was gold and jewels but every once in a while, she'd spot some silver jewelry and peculiar stones. A lot of it was really pretty and she figured nobody would really miss them with all the gold lying around. If anyone came back for it anyway. Gold just didn't suit her. A lot of it was also ugly or gaudy.

Llama played with a silver chain as she walked along this particular ship's railing. "So, what say you, Frederick?"

"I believe there was also betrayal, insanity, and cannibalism involved," the skeleton replied cheerily. He was often rather cheery for a dead guy. At least, she was pretty sure he was dead. His bones certainly didn't feel like the skeleton in the science room. Which really meant she was making an imaginary friend out of the bones of a once living dude. It was kind of creepy when she thought about it. So she didn't think about it.

She nodded and jumped down to the deck, approaching the pile of bones. She really needed to set him up better. Maybe she could find some glue?

"You will _not_ be gluing me together, young lady!"

She rolled her eyes and stuffed him in a bag. "Oh, shut up. I'm getting food."

"At least be more considerate of others!"

"And now I'm arguing with my imagination," she muttered. "Fantastic."

Frederick huffed. "I may just be that, but I am the only thing between you and the insanity of isolation."

"Lies. I have Neptune."

"Who doesn't talk!"

"Says you, who's never seen another shark before."

"You don't know that! That could have been how I died!"

"Then why aren't you currently shit floating along in the ocean?" Well, that shut him up. Maybe she should write this shit down?

This ship's galley was, well, shit. To put it mildly. At the very least she hoped the weird smelling brown shit caked on the floor and walls wasn't shit.

The pantry was, thankfully, about 413% cleaner and Llama thanked whoever was in charge of that about a million times. Unfortunately, it was rather barren and she couldn't tell if that was from before or after it entered the Mist. They were probably just really bad at being pirates. The only thing that looked remotely appetizing was a strangely coloured fruit. Although even that was iffy.

The fruit in question looked like a flat banana with little swirly patterns all over it. It seemed to contain every colour imaginable. It was kinda trippy, but it didn't seem to have a real peel either, so that was a bonus. Licking her lips, Llama took a huge bite of it and –

\- nearly choked on the horrendous thing she'd put in her mouth. The image of two strange, furry blue creatures merrily singing on TV suddenly popped into her head. Stupid creepy PSA puppets.

Swallowing the chunk in her mouth, she coughed and threw the fruit away, glaring at it all the while. _That_ could _not_ be called food.

"Tasty?" Frederick asked.

"I will dump you in the ocean," she growled. He laughed at her; she grumbled as she moved on to the next ship in search of something to eat.

LL~~AA

The first time she acknowledged _It_ was on another Marine ship. She had changed into one of their rather unappealing uniforms again so she could wash her clothes. They didn't feel particularly grimly but wearing something she knew was 100% clean just made her feel better.

Now, initially she thought it was a trick of the light – which was always kind of shitty – or her eyes playing tricks on her. After all, she _did_ once mistake a green soap dispenser for being purple. This time, however, she was thinking of how _awful_ white was and how black or even gray would be _so_ much better.

And, just like that, all the white in the uniform turned black.

Llama stared at it until it faded away to white once more.

"What the ever-loving hive monkeys?!"

A headache started to form behind her eyes but she ignored it as she focused on the colour-changing uniform. Well, she was pretty sure it wasn't really the uniform itself but something else. Maybe if she concentrated on purple pants.

And yup. Purple pants.

Llama grinned, big and wide, and somehow managed to resist the urge to cackle loudly. She didn't know how gained the power to change the colour of objects but it was _so cool_.

Or she had finally snapped and she was hallucinating. That was a good possibility too.

"I think you're a little beyond that already, my dear," Frederick chuckled.

"Shut up, Frederick," she muttered.

"You're the one that makes me talk."

"Oh, stop being meta," she groused. "It doesn't suit you."

The pants reverted back to their original colour and she immediately began experimenting, ignoring the ever-building headache in her skull. The effects of whatever it was she was doing only seemed to last a few moments and was easier the closer the object she was manipulating was to her. She also only seemed able to change one colour at a time. She wondered if she could expand that at all.

A flash of bright hot pain in her head had Llama stumbling, blinking black spots from her vision as she touched her fingers to a sudden damp spot beneath her nose.

She stared at bloodstained fingertips for a moment before the world dropped away.

LL~~AA

The first thing Llama noticed aware of was a tiny voice in the back of her head saying, "Well, that was stupid." She groaned in agreement.

If this was what it was like to be hungover she was glad she found alcohol abhorrent.

"…How about we take it slow from now on, hm?" Frederick suggested.

Again, Llama groaned in agreement.

LL~~AA

Her next misadventure in the dimension of hell – seriously, all it seemed to need now was a secret cow level… or zombies – was on an extremely weird ship called the _Ishimura_. It looked like it came out of some sci-fi thriller, complete with a few mangled corpses.

"Okay," she murmured, staring at the limbless torso before her, "this is the strangest case of cannibalism I have ever seen."

Frederick huffed from his bag. "My dear, this is the _only_ case you've seen."

"Also true." She frowned. "That I know of."

He sighed.

She carefully stepped around the dead guy with what might have been his own half-eaten leg in his mouth and slowly made her way deeper into the ship, pulling out her stick as she moved. She made sure to poke the next corpse she came across, mentally checking that off her bucket list. She may or may not have giggled.

Eventually she found what appeared to be a shared living space. It was cramped, and filled with so much crap she didn't feel like going through it all. In the corner, however, was a dinky little TV that looked like it got shit reception and was hooked up to –

"An NES," Llama gasped, running her fingers reverently over the console. And, as a bonus, she spied copies of Dragon Warrior III and Pinbot that looked to be in _excellent_ condition. Score.

She might have squealed a little. Just a little.

Unfortunately, the TV was bolted to the wall. Still, she packed up the console and games, just in case. As she did so, she spotted a yellow Gameboy cartridge with a mouse-like monster in the picture. She examined it with a frown before taking it. If she ever found batteries it would be nice to have a new game to play.

Though now that she thought about it, it was kind of strange to have such a mish-mash of tech levels in one ship. Granted, this whole place was messed up so she really shouldn't be so surprised anymore.

Opening the pantry, Llama was surprised. It probably wasn't so much that everything was covered in a thick layer of congealed blood. No, it was probably the armless zombie that was quietly eating its own shoulder. Silently, she closed the door and backed away.

"Well," Frederick muttered, "this is certainly turning into a devil's hell pit."

Llama stopped, torn between laughing and frowning. Frederick was just dumbfounded. " _What?_ "

Giggling won out, even as she continued walking. "I-I don't k-know! It j-just-" she covered her mouth to try to muffle the sound of laughter. "It just came out!"

A broken moan silenced her, turning her blood to ice. She didn't stop moving but she glanced over her shoulder at the creature behind her. It was another zombie though it looked different from the other one. It was intact, to start with, with grimy, deathly pale skin and torn fingers. What remained of its clothing was barely fit to be rags and she noticed long, blackened teeth stretched through a wide lipless mouth. As she examined it, it twitched towards her.

Soft hazel eyes met boiling red ones.

The creature hunched over and _shrieked_.

Llama took off running, no longer concerned about being silent. Mad howls of murderous monsters rose rapidly throughout the ship. She upped her place, ignoring the pounding footsteps thundering behind her. She was almost glad for gym class now, turning on a dime to avoid the shadows darting down the halls towards her. Even so, she was not athletic and her lungs were soon screaming for air. Her body ached and cried for her to just _stop_.

She ignored it - had to had to had to - and put her stick away to dig out of one the gas cans Pony always _insisted_ she carry around because, "I swear, if my car was human, it'd be a coffee addict!"

Never mind that said car was an ancient junker that _a certain someone_ never remembered to fill!

She hoped Pony was okay.

Unscrewing the top, she sprayed a trail out behind her, careful not to get too much on herself. It was next to impossible but she tried her best. The next step wouldn't be very pleasant otherwise.

Finally, she burst through a door that took her to the deck. Her shoulder burned even as she tossed the can across the deck to the far railing. It bounced off several ravenous beasts before reaching its destination. She stumbled as she made to follow, ankle twisting at an odd angle as she set her foot down. Just as she ducked down, a long blackened tongue shot over her head and latched onto the neck of a distant zombie. She recovered quickly and moved out of the way as the tongue _squeezed_ and the head popped off onto the deck. It screamed.

Llama bolted.

She fumbled for matches, quickly breaking and discarding many before one finally caught in a pool of gasoline. The old wood and rusted steel burst into flames just as she reached the edge of the ship. With a great leap, she dove overboard.

Llama loved the water. It wasn't as pretty as fire, but it was refreshing and cool. Soothing. Swimming was one of her favourite activities even if she didn't get to do it very often. She decent at it too. She never had managed to swim underwater without holding her nose, though. Diving was much harder and she could only manage really small and simple ones. But even this she could handle and she readied herself to swim away as fast as she could.

She hit the water.

She sank like a rock.

Llama stared wide-eyed into the black abyss dragging her down. Her limbs felt dead, iron weights attached to a stone body. She couldn't move. She barely had enough strength to keep her nose plugged. Her fingers twitched with rapidly dwindling energy and her eyelids drooped. The pressure of the water squeezed her, pushed and pulled until the cold dark consumed her. Her lungs burned and her hand fell away from her face, bubbles of air escaping in a stream of death.

Her eyes closed.

Water suddenly rushed around her. Or something else did. All she knew was a weightless whirling, the lightest swish of movement before everything was gone.

LL~~AA

A fierce jolt woke Llama with a great gasp, hands scrambling for purchase on the rough skin beneath her. Something stiff but flexible dug into her side and she curled around it as best she could. It felt kind of like a weird wavy triangle. An extremely wet weird wavy triangle. Though that might have just been her hands.

She blinked, weakly opening her eyes to see a blurry flame rising in the distance. She rubbed at them in a vain attempt to clear them. It only made it worse.

The thing below her shuddered and she glanced down at it. It wasn't some floating flotsam like she'd assumed but-

"Neptune?" she croaked. The giant shark lightly swished its tail, careful not to dislodge its passenger.

Llama looked back at the burning ship, only now recognizing the twisted screams of the zombies on board.

She looked away, tears stinging her eyes as she let the strange sea creature carry her away.

LL~~AA

Llama wasn't sure if she truly slept but a gentle nudge against her feet brought her out of a light doze. She blinked wearily at the shark. From this angle she could see only one of its eyes, and she swore it was looking at her in exasperation. How a shark could be exasperated she wasn't sure, but this place was crazy enough to believe it.

Her feet were bumped against something hard again.

Looking up, she saw a small wooden ship with an old rope ladder hanging over the railing.

"Oh," she breathed. Neptune twitched its tail in a manner Llama took as amusement.

Mustering what strength she had left, she carefully stood up on Neptune's back as it swam in tight circles by the ship. Her legs shook but they held. When the shark made a pass by the ladder Llama latched onto it, groaning with effort. The rope gave under her weight, creaking as it further frayed at the supports. But it held. Once she scrambled onto the ship's deck she peered over to see the shark's head peeking just a above the surface.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Neptune gave a huge splash and dove into the depths.

Llama took stock of her surroundings. It wasn't much of a ship, but it would do. The wood groaned as she walked over it, and large holes dotted the flooring in haphazard patterns. The mast had long since fallen and not even the fine layer of dirt seemed serviceable. A quick survey of the upper rooms revealed it to be similar, but older, to some of the more pirate-like ships she had visited. Ducking into the hold, she found a relatively intact room with some dry towels and clothes and a few dozen simple cots that weren't too badly off.

The shower was her first real destination. It wasn't in the best bathroom ever, but the water was still running and it was even hot, so she wasn't going to complain. She _was_ tempted by the idea of a bath but-

No. Just. No.

She watched the water as it trailed down her body and splattered on the tiled floor. Drip, drop. Drip, drop. Like the pitter-patter of blood as it trickled down the vine.

"Watch, watch, the sparrow cries,

For the raven tells only lies.

Watch, watch, the raven soothes,

For the sparrow tells no truths.

And all in a titter, the birds do flitter,

And she does drown as her blood runs down."

Collapsing to the bathroom floor, Llama cried.

LL~~AA

"Do you think this is like the Bermuda Triangle?" Llama asked, tilting her head as she examined the horizon. She had been using binoculars, but they were kind of useless in this situation. She wondered if a telescope would be more effective.

"What do you mean, my dear?" Frederick responded. She had managed to locate some wires, strings, and pieces of wood to assemble him as best she could. It wasn't pretty and he was obviously missing some bones, but she wasn't sure if she had just never found them or if they had been lost back on the-

If they'd been lost.

"The Bermuda Triangle," she explained, "takes any and all ships - whether bound by air or sea - and sucks them in, never to be seen again."

He hummed. "Unlikely. There are no aircraft here and you were walking down the road when you came here!"

"Trail, actually. The Bunny Trail." She shrugged. "And I said _like,_ not _is_." She pouted, fists coming up to rest on her hips. "Honestly, Frederick, don't you know wording is important?"

"To be perfectly frank, I failed grammar school."

She grinned. "I should hope you're not Frank. He's a terrible doctor."

He chuckled softly, shaking his head in restrained humor. Llama turned, throwing a fresh hunk of meat overboard. Neptune leaped high into the air and snatched it before splashing down hard into the water.

Frederick sighed. "I still don't get why you associate with that beast."

She frowned, turning towards the outer wall of the galley he rested against. "Excuse me?"

He gestured to the water. "It's a _shark._ It's more likely to eat you than have a tea party!"

She marched up to him, flicking him on the forehead and changing his skull to puke green. "Bad B-list blockbusters aside, Neptune had every opportunity to eat me when-" She choked, shook her head, and restarted. "It _saved_ me. And whatever bizarro logic this place runs on, _I don't care_. Neptune is smart and _likes_ me and I like it so I'm not going into whatever psycho-analytical _bullshit_ my brain tries to throw at me!"

He sighed. "My dear, I-"

" _Shut up!"_ She slapped the skull hard, sending it skittering across the deck. She stormed to the bow, not caring if she had broken it. He didn't really need it, anyway.

She felt her control over the skull's colour snap as she reached the top of the figurehead. She growled, throwing her head back to scream.

She didn't. Even now she couldn't raise her voice above the barest shout. There was no one to hear her save a giant shark and the bones of dead men. But her voice caught in her throat and tears carved tracks down her face. She bit down hard on lips and screamed in her mind to block out the noise filling her head as her fists met solid wood.

And only the Mists stirred as she beat her hands bloody.

LL~~AA

Llama couldn't decide. Should she take this 'DVD/VHS' thing - and what even was a DVD? - and the tapes that came with it as well as this too large pancake TV - no, seriously, why was it so flat? Was it better? Was it really necessary? And she knew TVs could be big, but this one was a freaking _wall_ , who the hell needed that? - or should she just leave everything to sit and, well, sit and save space for something else, like a smaller TV?

"Decisions, decisions," she murmured dramatically.

"I don't know why this is so hard considering your carrying capacity," Frederick said.

"Like a pack mule," she muttered darkly.

He didn't respond.

She opted to just take the tapes - she'd really enjoyed them - if only to say she had them. But then again, they were kind of useless without something to play them on. And the TV _was_ too big to move. Well, she'd definitely leave the Star Wars movies; Jar Jar Binks was rather annoying and Anakin ended up a bit to emo for her tastes. The Clone Wars wasn't too bad in her opinion, though. The Muppets were always fantastic and that was probably the best Moses movie she'd seen.

Sighing, Llama gave in and packed the tapes and machine, giving the TV one last glare before turning back to her skeletal companion. She was pleased to see that he was still blue.

She had certainly gotten much better at the whole colour changing thing. Now she could hold multiple colours at the same time for a few moments and just one for a good solid minute. She was getting the hang of it. She had all the time in the world, after all.

"There's gotta be something better. Something better," she sang as she packed Frederick up. "There's gotta be something better than this for me!"

Exiting the ship, Llama looked for the next nearest one to explore. She supposed, with everything she had accumulated over whatever period of time had passed - and she seriously needed to fix that, it was driving her crazy - that she could just set up somewhere for a while. But it got so boring so quickly, and if she was going to find anything that was going to hold her attention for more than five minutes, she would have to keep moving. Not that anything was keeping her attention for very long these days, anyway. Even her own stories and characters could barely hold her for more than a minute.

There was too much noiseless noise in her head and she just wanted it to _stop_.

Spotting a newer wooden ship that looked mostly intact, Llama lowered the boarding plank thingy she'd taken from another ship. She hummed as she practically skipped across it.

"Up flew the blue bird, black as death,

Up to the sun where it drew its last breath.

Down came the dragon, eyes of rage,

Down to the earth, now just bones of age.

Away swam the fish to find the cost,

Away to the dark, now forever lost."

She hopped down onto the new ship, leaving the last one - some retro-futuristic thing - behind. The SSV Norman or something. She wasn't paying that much attention to it. To be honest, she was getting kind of sick of finding ships that seemed more suited to space than sea.

Llama shook out her jitters, beat her knuckles into her thighs, and began her explorations.

LL~~AA

Llama was examining a series of bruises along her arm when it happened. They were the fairly light kind - just that weird yellowish-brown she could never determine the attractiveness of - and would probably fade in a few days. She had zero ideas on how she got them. Maybe she should start tracking her injuries. Lord knew she had enough of them. She had notebooks to spade too.

And then, as previously mentioned, it happened.

A great explosion of wide rocked the boat and rained down on the deck, narrowly missing her. She started and spun around with a wide grin and cheerful. She froze.

Her new guest was distinctly un-shark-like. It was longer and thinner, for one, with a long snout and straighter teeth. In fact, it looked rather like a-

"Dragon?" She frowned, tilting her head to the side.

It certainly looked like a dragon anyway. And it was examining her rather intently. Tentatively, she took a step back.

The sea dragon lunged at her, massive jaws ready to chomp down on her unwilling flesh. She dove to the side in an awkward roll as wood snapped to pieces behind her. She felt the cool heat the creature gave off as she gathered up what she could of Frederick and took off to the stern. The ship rocked madly beneath her feet as the dragon shifted, focus attuned to her as it readied another strike.

Breathing harshly, Llama exchanged Frederick for her stick and scrambled onto the railing. The ship tipped back sharply, nearly dislodging her and she wasn't sure if it was the dragon or the water. Probably both. Stick in hand, she whipped around to find a distraction.

She accidently whacked it across the nose.

The sea dragon reared back with a growl of irritation. It shook its head and glared at her. Well, that only further enraged it.

But it was enough time for her to jump.

In retrospect, this was a poor decision on her part as the next ship was too far away for her to reach. And she no longer had the ability to swim.

Shit crackers.

Neptune leaped straight out of the water below her. Her heart beat wildly in her chest as she stared at its wide jagged teeth. She was only slightly disappointed that her life wasn't flashing before her eyes.

Neptune caught her on its nose. She barely had time to acknowledge that fact before it tipped its body back. With a powerful swing of its tail, it threw her towards the ship she'd been aiming for. She flailed wildly, somehow managing to store her stick - maybe she should name it - and flew right towards the mast. Everything went dark in the instance before impact, her senses shorting out. She felt weightless, drifting into a freefall even as her body rammed into something.

Llama jolted awake as whatever she was lying on slammed into the ground. She blinked up at the cloudy sky and tried to puzzle out why her clothes felt damp. She carefully sat up and stared down at her water-splattered clothes. She seemed to be on a log of some kind, with bits of rope and fabric tied to it. A mast. Though why it was horizontal was beyond her. Standing up, she slowly turned around to examine her surroundings. She spotted two creatures fighting some distance away just as a pillar of water consumed them.

Everything came back at once.

Pain crashed into her, pushing her to her knees. She cried out in agony, curling in on herself as if it would help hold her together. Darkness curled at the edges of her vision as tears burned at her eyes. She tried to push it all away, tried to focus on the shark fighting for its life. Both their lives.

The sea dragon resurfaced, roaring like a behemoth of the Deep. Or maybe the servant of One. Shivers ran down her spine. The beast thrashed about in the water, smashing several nearby ships, and disturbing many more. Neptune rose up like a furious god and lunged at it. Teeth dug deeply into its long neck. The dragon screeched as Neptune shook its head, twisting the neck, and tearing off it reached up and sank its claws into the shark's side. Only inches away from its gills.

"Neptune!" she screamed, the sound ripping out of her throat and ringing like a shotgun blast through the Mists.

The sea dragon ripped the shark off of it, seemingly unbothered by the large chunk of its neck it took off in the process. Neptune flailed about uselessly for a moment before sinking below the waves. The water ran red.

"No," she croaked.

The sea dragon collapsed with a great huff and stretched out as if relaxing tense muscles. With a heavy blink, its eyes locked with hers. Her heart stopped.

The beast tensed, coiled up like a spring, and pounced.

A bloody form roared up behind the monster, wide jaws tearing into the dragon's neck. The monster shrieked and thrashed but Neptune held fast. The dragon lashed out, tearing itself away from the shark and almost severing its spine in the process as more flesh came away in its teeth. Neptune attacked again before it had the chance to recover, ripping through its fin-like wings like scissors through paper. The sea dragon's tail whipped out and cut a deep gorge down Neptune's back.

As Llama watched in amazed horror, the mist around them thinned. It spread and spread like a hole in the universe, and clear blue broke through the dim world of dingy purple.

"Neptune," she croaked, voice barely louder than a whisper as she blinked the light from her eyes. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Neptune!"

The sea dragon snapped at the shark, who dove deep just in time to avoid sharp teeth. Neptune rose up beneath it, powerful jaws latching tightly around the remains of its neck. It twisted just so and the sea dragon gave one last enraged roar before it finally stopped moving.

That was the last sight Llama saw before the blue consumed them. Only a patch of watery red remained.

"Neptune," she breathed, voice cracking as tears finally fell. She sat there for what seemed an eternity, until her legs ached from more than pain, until shivers shook her down to her bones. Until she had no more tears to shed.

Llama stood on shaking legs, pain and tired muscles making movement difficult. She crossed the mast to yet another ship, away from the wreckage of the fight. The next ship after that was close enough that she could climb despite her protesting body. So, she did. And she moved onto the one after that. And the one after that.

She kept moving until she collapsed out of agony and exhaustion, the words of a song she didn't know drifting off her tongue into the silence of the void:

"Lost in the darkness,

Hoping for a sign.

Instead there's only silence,

Can't you hear my screams?

Never stop hoping,

Need to know where you are.

But one thing's for sure,

You're always in my heart."

LL~~AA

Llama didn't sleep much after that despite Frederick's insistence on it. She couldn't risk a concussion. You weren't supposed to sleep with concussions, were you? She just didn't know how long that was supposed to be for; maybe she should have paid more attention to M*A*S*H. It probably didn't matter at this point. She'd probably been awake long enough. She didn't even know if she _had_ a concussion; she couldn't remember the symptoms and she wasn't bleeding anywhere, surprisingly. So that was a step up from the rock and that blasted metal top.

"I really think you should rest, my dear," Frederick urged as Llama clamored aboard yet another ship. She wasn't sure how many she had visited at this point – and she hadn't even looted them! Her Party would be disappointed in her – but she didn't care anymore. For all she knew she'd been wandering in circles.

"As you've been saying, my dear brain. Brain ghost. Brain ghost skeleton."

"Hohoho! I didn't know you felt so highly of me!"

"Like cheese through a grater," she replied. Blinking, she stopped and gazed unseeingly into the distance.

"I think you should sleep, my dear."

"…Yeah, okay."

Llama turned abruptly, stumbling over a random ball in the process. She scowled at it before kicking it hard off the ship. It soared high into the sky, disappearing quickly into the Mists with what she liked to imagine was one of those anime twinkles.

"Woo! Kick it, Barack!"

"Sleep, my dear."

"…'kay…"

LL~~AA

This particular ship that Llama found herself on seemed to be, in general terms, made of wood. Large portions of it, however, consisted on some kind of metal. It tasted a bit iron-y, but that didn't really help her much.

"…Why did you lick it?" Frederick inquired, quirking an eyebrow.

Llama shrugged. "It seemed like a good idea at the time?"

The skeleton started grumbling to himself but she reduced it to a footnote in a story. She really didn't have the concentration to keep it up at the moment.

Continuing down the barren corridor (and, man, was this place big), a thought occurred to her.

"Frederick, where did that ball come from?"

He frowned and tapped his chin with a long bony finger. "Hm, I'm not sure. A storage unit, perhaps? This ship is fit for giants, my dear, there is sure to be _some_ space set aside for recreational tools."

She turned her eyes up to the towering ceiling and sincerely hoped giants weren't a thing that actually existed. She was no David. "But then why was it on the deck?"

He shrugged. "Perhaps one of the crew dropped it before abandoning ship or dying? Perhaps there is some otherworldly or ghostly presence that wishes to see you suffer?"

"Don't need help with that," she muttered; he frowned. "Let's just move on, shall we?"

"As you wish."

She smiled slightly at the thought, beginning to softly sing one of her favourite songs as she skipped almost cheerfully down the halls;

"'Cause they said they'd stop the fighting

And they said they would bring peace.

And they said they'd find a serum that can cure all our disease.

And they said they'd house the homeless

And put black and white in tune.

And they said they'd feed a hungry child

And I hope it's someday soon!"

Llama turned a corner and stopped dead, a frown pulling at her lips as she stared at the sight before her. "What is that?"

"Well," Frederick began, "it appears to be a door."

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I _see_ that."

"Then why did you ask?"

She flipped him off. Approaching the door, she tilted her head as she examined it. It was massive, which she supposed fit a ship this size. She felt like an ant next to it. It was extremely ornate, especially against the plainness of everything else here. It almost looked like a statue of some kind anime mech. The only indications it wasn't were the rather obvious line and hinges that framed it as a moving object. It also seemed to be the reason for the random patches of metal built into the ship, if the surrounding section was anything to go by. It would definitely need stronger supports than just the wood.

She pushed on one of the doors. Strong, sturdy. Okay. She punched it.

"Jesus Hell!" she shrieked, hopping back as she cradled her fist. Pain brought hot tears to the corners of her eyes as she stared at her reddened hand.

"What was that for?" Frederick shouted.

"Hitting works on electronics!"

" _This isn't an electronic!_ We don't even know if it's broken!"

She huffed and raised a dubious eyebrow. "Oh? And how can you tell?"

"My dear," Frederick stressed, eyes boring into hers, "stop."

Llama sighed and made a mental note to reduce the amount of pointless arguments she held with herself. It was starting to get ridiculous, even if they were fun. He was right, anyway. She didn't always like listening to her brain, but at least this didn't involve kitchen knives and pointy edges. Her brains were probably still a little scrambled from that fight – she twitched, twisting heavy stone weights from her shoulders – however many days ago that was.

Just more proof she needed help, she guessed.

Bracing herself against the door, she focused all of her strength into pushing it open. Slowly, it creaked inward.

Her jaw dropped as she gazed upon the treasure trove behind it.

The first thought that crossed her mind as she stared was 'alchemy'. The next corrected that to 'chemistry'. The third said the former sounded much cooler.

She stepped into the lab, eyes roving hungrily up the walls that almost seemed to sparkle in the dim lighting. Each one was set with shelves, with each of those filled to the brim with books of all sizes and colours, and boxes and elegant glass bottles and loose sheaves of paper.

Candles in antique holders burst alive as she entered, and she ran her hands along the long wooden table that took up the center of the room. It was covered with complicated sets of tubes and flasks, with burners on some kind of contraption that allowed everything to move all over the table. Other tables, similar to it but bare, ran along the edges of the room below the shelves almost like really tall benches.

"What is this place?" Frederick breathed in awe.

"Science," Llama replied, dropping his bag on one of the wall tables. It seemed to actually be attached to the wall. She rounded the center table and frowned at a corner set with vials and pink candles that haphazardly circled a pentagram. Weird.

"That hurt, you know," he gripped.

"You don't have a nervous system."

"I have feelings, my dear."

She waved him off and moved to the nearest shelves, climbing onto the table to reach them. She bypassed the boxes and bottles, more interested in the books than anything else. For some reason, none of their titles appeared in their spines despite many of them looking like they should. Curious, she picked one at random and pulled it out. Chemistry. Huh. She put it back and took out the next one. Physics.

"Urgh!"

Scrunched her nose, she shoved that one back into its place with more force than was strictly necessary and moved on. _Dime Storm Magic_. The next one was simply tilted ' _Metadata_ '. Whatever that was.

Llama stopped, blinked, dropped the book in her hands with an echoing _thud_ and returned to the last one. She stared at the shiny black cover with vaguely interesting font. She turned it over. A synopsis. Involving witches.

"Huh."

"What is it, my dear?"

She gently placed the book on the table. "There's fiction here."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

A wave of dizziness swept over her and she grunted as she leaned back against the shelves.

"Sleep, my dear," Frederick urged. "You can think about it in the morning."

She nodded and pulled out a blanket she'd nabbed from some ship ages ago. Setting up her scarf as a pillow, Llama took out Fluffy and curled up under the blanket to sleep.

LL~~AA

Out of all the subjects in school that Llama was required to take, math, science, and gym where the only ones she actually didn't like. Her recent (?) circumstances had given her a new appreciation for physical activity. Sports could still go to hell, though. Science was okay but she never fully understood it, and math was evil and she never really got beyond the basics. Well, she _did_ but that didn't mean she actually _remembered_ any of it. What use was trigonometry, anyway?

Long story short: Fuck physics.

Chemistry though? Chemistry was _interesting_. It was probably the only science she actually enjoyed and she regretted not paying more attention to it in class. Well, environmental science for the eleventh graders sounded interesting but the Pigeon Lady was teaching it and she'd already screwed up Llama's French. No way in hell was she putting up with that shit again.

And just, fuck physics.

"What exactly are you looking for, my dear?" Frederick asked, examining the growing pile of books beside her. She'd set him up by the small opening in the doors. They were open just enough for her to slip through but anything more would knock the skeleton over. She'd decorated him with some of the various Christmas decorations she had stashed away, particularly the loud, hard to break ones. If anyone other than her came in, she would know.

She might be kind of paranoid. Kind of.

The result was a haunted skeletal scarecrow.

"Snakes and mice get wrapped up so nice," she sang, "with spiders' legs and pretty bows. It's ours this time!"

"My dear," he sighed.

She smirked. "Science!"

"Science?"

"Yup!"

"But you're not fond of science."

She shrugged and tossed aside more physics books. "Well, magic would be better but I don't know any or even if it would work." She frowned, pulled out a notebook, and made a note.

 _12\. Magic._

"And you believe science will help you?"

"Well, the TV and radio people think it will eventually solve all the world's problems."

"Because they are ever so reliable."

Giggling, Llama moved onto the next set of shelves and up a book at random. She frowned at the title and found no synopsis anywhere. Sitting back, she opened, "' _The Official Unofficial Encyclopedia of Devil Fruit (Re-Revised Edition)_.' Okay then." Why this was next to the _Element Encyclopedia of 5000 Spells_ and _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ she didn't know. Whoever organized this lab library had absolutely _no_ sense of order.

Shrugging, she turned to a random page and began reading.

"Sabi-Sabi no Mi: paramecia. It grants the ability to rust objects, both organic and inorganic, on contact." Well, that explained nothing. She flipped to a different entry. "Yami-Yami no Mi: logia. The element of darkness, it grants the ability to create and control darkness." There was a picture to go with this one. It was of a large purple fruit that sort of resembled a pineapple. Or a tight-knit collection of oddly-shaped grapes. Pinegrapes? Why were they called pineapples in the first place? English was weird. Not that French was any better. 'Earth apples' just sounded ridiculous.

Another look at the picture, however, peaked her curiosity. It had the same swirly pattern as that terrible fruit she had before.

She quickly flipped through the book for the scant few pictures the book contained. She wasn't quite sure what she was looking for, or even if she wanted to find it, but the whirling thoughts in her head demanded she try.

Even so, Llama froze when her gaze fell upon it. There on the page was the exact image of the rainbow banana thing. She swiftly started reading.

"Iro-Iro no Mi: paramecia. It grants the ability to change the colour of light an object reflects. [May affect general light wavelengths.] Further testing required."

"Well, obviously," Frederick huffed. "You've barely scratched the surface of what you can do!"

She changed him to an obnoxious orange. "No, dumbbell, it literally says that."

He paused. "In the book?"

"In the book."

The candles flickered. "They might be messing with you."

"Oh, they are _definitely_ messing with me." But this did provide an explanation for her weird abilities besides 'ghost powers'. (She still wasn't completely convinced she wasn't dead.) Magic fruit was definitely an interesting twist.

She turned to the front of the book, hoping for more information on these Devil Fruits. It was, weirdly enough, both the most scientific and the least scientific thing she had ever read. 'Incarnation of the Sea Devil' sounded like superstition – she didn't even feel more devilish than usual! What a copout – and 'fruits of the Sea Devil' sounded like a bad porno. She _really_ hoped that wasn't actually a thing that existed. Pony had already destroyed her mental innocence, please let her keep _something_.

Further down the page, a short passage caught her eye. "Though Devil Fruits grant incredibly strong (or incredibly useless) powers, any who eat of the fruit will mysteriously lose the ability to swim."

"Oh my," Frederick gasped, covering his mouth.

Llama stared blankly down at the page, images of torn flesh and bloody teeth flashing behind her eyes. The crushing pressure of the water seemed to have risen up and gripped her in its icy hands. She choked, gasping for breath despite the abundance of air around her. Dimly she was aware of voices in her mind supplying speech to the figments of her imagination, the fake beings she created or conjured from stories when she had no other friends to turn to. Which meant she was faking this – _like everything else_ – and was a stupid little _bitch_ and why was she upset? She had no reason to be! Her life was great! She had no problems to be concerned about! It was _her_ fault she got herself into this godforsaken place and it was _good_ , it was what she _deserved_ ; everyone was better off without her worthless, attention-seeking ass, especially-

"Ki-"

She threw the book at him. She missed, of course. Her aim was shit and the book was too heavy to get any real distance. It was probably for the best; Frederick was fragile enough already, a book that size would destroy what was left of him.

Her stomach growled, low and loud in the silence of the lab. She scowled and punched her abdomen. It was hunger that got her into this mess. If she wasn't such a _pig_ -

Llama took a deep breath and tried to focus on anything else. She knew she probably still had some food stashed away that would be easy to eat.

Ignoring it, she grabbed various chemicals and slid off the table to set up on the experiment table.

"My dear-"

She cut the thought off with a punch to the chest. Her stomach rumbled again so she pulled down more chemicals. She also took out a notebook and a chemistry text as well.

"What are you doing?" Frederick hazarded.

"Experimenting, organizing." Flipping open the notebook, she began to record the names of the various chemicals and components and the compounds everything consisted of. Focus shifting to the task she set out, she retrieved some safety goggles and got to work.

She worked until she was exhausted, ignoring the angry pain in her stomach as she refused – _didn't deserve_ – to eat that night.

LL~~AA

"Listen up brothers and sisters, come hear my desperate tale. I speak of our friends of nature, trapped in the dirt like a jail! Vegetables live in oppress-" Llama halted her song as she came upon an unusual sight. A small door that was caved in and lying scattered about the floor in several large chunks. And by 'small' she meant 'normal-sized'. Because this place was frigging weird.

Scanning the corridors around her, Llama lifted the lantern she'd pilfered from the lab and stepped through the shattered entryway.

Inside was a towering library. Kind of. The shelves extended all the way up to the barely visible ceiling much like in the lab, but only a handful of shelves close to the ground actually contained anything. The books were clustered around a desk with a very high-backed chair that looked more like a throne. Both were deep shades of purple. Whoever designed this place was a genius. Even the carpet was a nice shade of orchid with accents of lavender and lilac. Llama cautiously removed one boot and stepped on it.

" _Ohhh!_ " she moaned, collapsing onto the plush flooring. She could sleep on this _forever_. Shame she didn't have anything to cut this up with. This would have been a _fantastic_ sleeping mat. Unfortunately, she had a rather strained relationship with pointy objects that were not her stick.

Rolling to her feet and kicking off her other boot, Llama approached the desk. She didn't have time to be goofing off; she had highly dangerous chemicals to mess with!

Rounding the chair, Llama froze. It was still occupied. A bloody quill was stuck in the guy's throat. The corpse's hand was flecked with blood and the thin coating down his neck looked like it had congealed a long time ago despite the rest of him looking relatively fresh. This was getting rather confusing.

So, Llama poked it with her stick. It fell over. Okay then.

She stepped up to examine the papers on the desk. She understood nothing.

Somehow the papers had managed to avoid all the blood (the desk didn't, boo). However, what was written on them was best described as chicken scratch. This man had obviously been a doctor, not a calligrapher. What she _could_ make out made as much sense and she wasn't sure if it was some foreign language or some kind of code. There did seem to be quite a few formulas that she couldn't make heads or tails of. A quick look in the books revealed the exact same writing. They were even handbound, which suggested all the loose pages would have eventually ended up as a book if circumstances had been different.

She glanced down at the corpse with a frown. Maybe he was the owner of the lab she commandeered as her own? In which case…

Llama rifled through the desk drawers. If he was the original lab owner then he must have _something_ to use for it.

"Aha!" she exclaimed as she opened an overly large door. Inside was a well-worn gasmask and several pairs of white gloves. Just what she needed to work with volatile and vivacious chemical combinations she had yet to understand.

Packing up the whole drawer, Llama spun around and-

-nearly jumped out of her skin at the sizable skeleton at the far end of the room that she hadn't noticed before. Well, she failed her spot check. At least it wasn't a critical fail, else she'd probably be a living bruise or something. In any case, this place was liable to give her a heart attack one of these days.

None of which really mattered when faced with the skeleton of a giant. Because, apparently, they _did_ exist. She was so done with this shit.

"Feels like you, standing there so small, just a space between the stars," she hummed quietly, slowly backing out of the room. Once she was in the hall she raced back to the lab. She _really_ hoped she wouldn't be encountering any living giants any time soon.

LL~~AA

Llama stood on the deck of different ship and sighed forlornly at the rock in her hand. The lab had no books on geology or crystals or _anything_. Somehow. How did a lab literally packed to the brim with books, of which more than half were science related (with a strangely large section of harlequin romance that she _really_ didn't want to touch, even with a ten-foot pole) _not_ have even _one_ geology book in its collection? Apparently having an overabundance of physics books was more important!

Just. Fuck physics.

Finally, Llama chucked the rock at a nearby ship. It fell very, very short. Sighing once more, she grabbed another, repositioned, and rolled her shoulders.

"My dear, why are you doing this again?" Frederick was propped up in the door to the cabin, safe and secure in case she needed to rush them out of sight.

"Practicing." Maybe if she flicked her wrist _just so_ \- Score! She actually managed to hit her target that time! Now if only she could hit what she was actually aiming for. "Explosions are better when you're not standing right next to them."

"But why explosions?"

She stopped dead halfway through a throw, rock tumbling through from her fist into the depths below. Slowly, she turned all wide-eyed innocence and shocked disbelief as she stared at her skeletal companion. She clasped her hands to her chest and leaned forward as if imparting some great secret. "Because," she stage-whispered, "explosions are _pretty_."

If this was an anime, she swore he would have sweat-dropped. As he was a figment of her imagination, he did so anyway. "You are a very strange girl, my dear."

She smiled and went back to practicing (and why had she collected so many rocks? Yeah, they were pretty but they were literally all over the road, why did she need so many?) "I try."

Frederick sighed and left her to it.

(She made a mental note to ensure she didn't lose anything else when having dramatic conversation with herself. That was just dumb.)

LL~~AA

Llama stared listlessly at the page, mind adrift in the void. Her head hurt and her eyes kept slipping away to stare at nothing. She'd been on the same sentence for hours. She still didn't know what it said. Groaning, she dropped it and tipped sideways to lie on the table.

"Bored, my dear?" Frederick teased.

"Shut up," she muttered, flinging an arm over her eyes.

"You could continue your experiments."

Llama peeked out at the mess she'd made of the lab table. She rolled over. "Nah."

"There are still hundreds of books to-"

She snorted. He huffed.

"Throw stones! Exercise! Gather supplies!" he suggested.

"No, I'm-" _Tired_ wasn't quite the right word. She'd gotten plenty of sleep recently but it wasn't nearly as effective as it should have been. She would probably try to sleep anyway just based on how she felt, but she doubted she would actually be able to rest. Her concentration was shot, she couldn't focus on anything for more than a minute and even though she was bored out of her mind, she couldn't think of anything she actually wanted to _do_. She _still_ didn't have batteries since apparently everyone who ended up here lived in a battery-free society, but even if she did she was pretty sure not even her freaking Gameboy could keep her attention for very long. She was just so… so… listless? Restless? She didn't have the right words. Did they even exist?

"Perhaps you're just sad, my dear."

She frowned. That was a word already considered and pushed aside as 'not sounding right'. It seemed to fit her mood in some vague, general sense but something about it wasn't right. Off. Wrong. Because she wasn't actually _sad_ or feeling blue or however the hell you described it. She knew what sad was and this was just not it.

This was just… down.

"No, not sad," she whispered, staring blankly at the ceiling. "This is too despondent for sad."

Turning her back on door and skeleton, Llama curled into a ball. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get herself to cry.

LL~~AA

Llama stared at the coils of foamy soap dripping off the edges of the lab table. She should really come up with a better way to refer to it. Lable? No, that was stupid. Scratch and rewind.

"You know, my dear, I really don't think that was the type of explosion you were really aiming for."

She fixed him with a Look before returning to her soapy contemplation.

"You are _not_ setting it on _fire_."

Llama groaned. "But it would be so much easier!"

"The ship is made of wood-"

"And metal!"

"-And you don't even know if burning it would have any real effect!"

"Then how am I supposed to clean this up?"

"Perhaps like a normal person?"

She sighed dramatically and whipped some soap into the corner with the graphite form she's made earlier. This is what she got for wanting to try her hand at science fair volcanos.

After she cleaned up, she returned to crafting shells for her bombs. They were crude constructs, but they were more for testing than anything else. Besides, they were meant to explode, they didn't have to look pretty.

Frowning, Llama fiddled with the unfinished shell in her hands and changed the dingy gray to a bright baby blue. Maybe when she was good enough she could make them a bit more glamorous. For now, she simply needed to perfect the shell and inner casing that would hold everything in place. It was a delicate process, after all, as the chemicals needed to be kept perfectly balanced until the moment of activation. She also needed to be careful of how much material she used; this place might be big but supplies were still limited.

What would happen if the bookcase broke and fell on her?

Llama banged her head against the shelves behind her. It only sort of helped as now she was worrying that would be the catalysis for the world coming down on top of her. Which was ridiculous considering the bookcase was literally the wall. How did structural integrity even work on this ship?

She sighed and moved onto the next shell. Only one science at a time, please. She was pretty sure that building shit was required math she wouldn't understand anyway. Math was evil. Screw math. And fuck physics.

Llama yawned loudly as she went about her work. It was tedious, despite being a useful time waster in this place. But her concentration wasn't that great at the best of times, and right now it was just shot to hell. It made the job take almost three times as long as it should. Everything just made her want to sleep, but often when she tried she simply _couldn't_. Nothing held her attention, and everything seemed _boring_ and it felt like ants were skittering beneath her skin and itching to _move_ but she had no real energy to _do_ anything.

Blowing hair out of her face - which she really needed to cut it at some point; it hadn't really grown but even shoulder-length was annoying – she abandoned her work and stood. Maybe a walk would help clear her head. Llama sluggishly left the lab, harshly banging her knuckles into her thigh in a futile attempt to distract herself from the noise in her head.

LL~~AA

Cracker One failed to launch. Cracker Two was so delayed it barely sparked. Cracker Three ignited what was left of Cracker Two and was thus deemed inconclusive. It also set the ship ablaze so she was forced to find a new target. Cracker Four lacked an ignition. Cracker Five gave off a tiny explosion of mostly harmless sparks and Crackers Six through Nine produced similar results with varying degrees of size. They also ended up destroying her second target.

Llama bit her lip, tilted her head, and recorded each reaction in a notebook.

Frederick eyed her. "How many of those do you have?"

She blinked at the page she was on before turning to him. "You can never have too many books."

"My dear," he huffed.

She shrugged. "I buy them because I like them and want to use them for something and either forget or just never fill them but still want them for that purpose so I keep buying more for notes and shit." She hummed and tapped her chin with the pencil. "Or using blank pages in my school notebooks."

He raised an eyebrow. "My dear, please do not tell me you have all of those school notebooks stashed away on your person right at this moment."

She flushed. He sighed forlornly, rubbing his forehead like it was beginning to ache.

"In my defense," she huffed, "before I got here I was fully expecting to go to school the next day."

"Don't you have a backpack you take?"

"Yeah, but that's just for show." She quirked an eyebrow. "Do you want me to have back problems from carrying all my shit around for a whole day?"

He groaned and threw his hands into the air, muttering to himself about something that sounded suspiciously like 'obtuse children in a junkyard.'

…She was starting to think she should just make Frederick into an actual character in one of her stories. At the very least it would make talking to herself less weird.

"To be fair, humans generally don't do well in complete isolation," he said.

"Hm. Well, at least I have a reason to be crazy?"

"Exactly!"

She wasn't quite sure she believed that but who was she to doubt her own brain? Though it would be nice if it stopped randomly urging her to jump into the water or dive into oncoming traffic. She could do without, thanks.

Taking a deep breath, Llama curled into a tight ball and bit her lip _hard_ until the spike of fear the thoughts sparked passed. Her fingernails dug crescents into her palms as she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to calm her breathing.

"I tried to kill the pain," she murmured, voice wavering on the lyrics that flew unbidden into her head. "But only brought more. So much more." Breathe, just breathe.

Eventually she calmed enough to shake herself away from the thoughts and stand up again. Her eyes lock onto the dimming flames of her first target as it slowly sank into the depths. Retrieving her notebook, she backed away from the rails.

"The Crackers did better than the Bombs," Frederick whispered. She nodded and jotted it down. "I think you're getting closer to a better mechanism. Your spark needs some work though."

She hummed. "The Snappers had a few good ones. It will all need a bit more fiddling though. Some of the chemicals won't mix properly so I'll need to go back and read up on them again."

"You'll likely need to adjust the specific amount of each, as well."

She squinted at the page. "How about-"

A sudden break in the clouds had her flinching and hiding against the rail. Peeking over it, she spotted a clear blue sky past the sparkling edges of the tear in the mist. A large wooden ship careened into the dark waters, smashing the debris littering the area. A black flag flew from the tallest mast, the jolly roger strange against the dreary backdrop. The ship crashed into another and, as swiftly as it tore, the mist converged and sealed the new arrivals in.

She wondered if they would survive longer than the last ones.

Despite all the romanticizing she knew she was guilty of, however, there was one fact that stuck with her through all of her through everything.

The past was harsh and it was better to leave it behind.

And pirates had been a terrible, cruel reality.

Llama gathered up her things and quickly went back to her home base.

LL~~AA

The hissing roar had barely registered before Llama whipped around and chucked a small bomb at the serpent that had been following her for a while now. It exploded in a brilliant flash of light and the beast roared as sparks of green and blue crackled around it. Llama quickly jumped to the next ship, ducked below deck, and followed the haphazard path she'd made a few sleep cycles ago. It led the way back to her mothership via a twisting route through the watery ruins. It was closer to the water than she was comfortable with - and she was rather sad about that reality still – but most of the wrecks were too tall for her to do it up high and few were stable enough to support a walkway anyway. All of which combined into her not knowing how the hell she would make it there.

The rickety route of gangplanks and broken masts was serviceable enough, and the new ship was still marooned in the remains of older ones so she didn't have to worry about anyone moving it and destroying her hard work. What she _was_ worried about, however, was were the newcomers rummaging around in things that weren't theirs.

Well, nothing here really belonged to her either but after so long alone this place _felt_ like it was hers. Sure, it wasn't safe – far from it – and it was so, so lonely and there was little beyond walls and fists and teeth to distract her from the bad thoughts, but it was _hers_.

It wasn't home but it was enough.

Which was why she was quite annoyed when she found a group of kids scavenging near her mothership.

"Devil spawn," she muttered, pulling up her scarf to hide the lower half of her face. She didn't care what Pony said, children were the true evil. Right up there with hospitals.

Well, Llama supposed that Verne kid was okay. Annoying, but okay. Whatever his name was. She forgot.

These little demons, though, were obviously ransacking the ship for supplies. Which was fine; she'd already looted it of anything she considered valuable. But they were still too close to her mothership and like hell would she let those reproductively required monsters raid her ship. So, she did the most reasonable thing she could think of.

She snuck up behind them and whacked them all with her stick.

The children _shrieked_ , whipped around, took one look at her, and ran away screaming. Llama tilted her head, raised an eyebrow, then shrugged and stored her stick. That method was more effective than she thought would be but she wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Unless it was bananas.

Frowning at the weird wiring of her brain, Llama quickly hurried home. When she arrived, she checked all the entrances to ensure that her traps were still active and in place – and that no one seemed to have snuck aboard – and marked that as a positive on all fronts. Excellent. She disabled one, ducked inside, and reset it. Smirking, she skipped down to the lab.

Frederick sighed as she bounced into the room and unloaded her haul. "Don't you ever take a break, my dear?"

She tossed him a Look. "Oh? Shall I count the ways?"

"I meant when you're not so…" He gestured vaguely, a plethora of words flashing across her mind. Some just didn't fit while others she was adamantly against.

In the end, she just shrugged and said, "It's not that noisy today and I'm rather behind on my experiments anyway." She adjusted a burner and showed off an unlabeled flask filled with an iridescent blue liquid. "And I wanna play around with this, see what it is."

He frowned. "You know you haven't had luck with strange iridescent things in the past, my dear."

"Well, I'm not going to _eat_ it."

"Can't you find a safer pastime?"

Her shoulders slumped and she pouted. "My batteries died again." Right when she was about to get a fire stone for her Eevee too. It was going to be so cool, she just knew it. It was a fire-type after all, why _wouldn't_ it be cool? Now if only she could get the other versions, whatever they were. And a trade cable. And more Gameboys. And a shit ton of batteries.

"Even so…"

She rolled her eyes. "My concentration is still shot; let me do this while I still have the motivation."

"I suppose I should be grateful I'm not currently dressed in drag and doing the hula."

She snorted and carefully divided the mystery liquid into different flasks. There was just enough for evenly split it between five of them which meant she only had that many chances to figure out what this mystery liquid was; or at least narrow it down.

Llama hummed as she placed the first flask down on the burner and turned it on. She turned to her supplies – or what was left of it due to her increased bomb production – and a lot of the nearby ships didn't have what she needed if she hadn't already taken it. She wasn't keen on going too far away from the mothership if she didn't have to. She needed to be close in case of an invasion. But she also _really_ didn't want to move. She _liked_ this ship, giant skeleton creepiness aside.

Llama pulled out some copper sulfate, slivers of steel wool, and that weird metal powder she'd made the other day that she still needed to figure out. She was pretty sure she knew the formula for it considering what she used, but it would be better to make sure. And using a bit of it here couldn't hurt. Besides, what better way was there to discover new things about mystery metal than by mixing it with mystery liquid?

"That is a terrible idea, my dear. Stop it."

She waved him off and pulled on gloves and safety glasses.

"Where is your gasmask?"

"I dunno. The bathroom, maybe? I forget."

He sighed.

Turning to the burner, she flicked it on and set about organizing the table. She took out a thermometer and checked the temperature of the mystery liquid. 20 degrees Celsius. Interesting. She took additional measurements with the other flasks – lighter than water, 0 on the PH scale – and while she didn't have the equipment for everything she managed to make do.

By the time she was done with that, the burner flask experiment had taken on a slight red hue with a temperature increase of sixteen. Everything else seemed to remain the same.

Llama hummed, jotted everything down in a book, and picked up the copper sulfate. She carefully tapped some into a different flask and stirred it with a glass rod. It took a second to fully react but when it did she gasped.

It was _beautiful_.

The mixture darkened to a swirling pool of deep purple with streaks of a very pale yellow. They were sharp in tone and seemed to join together in an elegant dance. Llama stopped stirring and checked the burner flask – a little hotter and thicker but not yet boiling – before taking the measurements of the other mixture. It was a few degrees below room temp and the purple parts rose to the surface as it settled. Interesting. It told her jack _shit_ , though.

Moving to the third flask of mystery liquid, Llama dumped a chunk of steel wool into it and stepped back. For a moment, nothing happened as the wool drifted cheerfully through the liquid. Then the air snapped with a crackling _boom_ and she jumped back. Bubbles popped around the wool before dissipating into the crackle of electricity. Sparks jumped between the substances like tiny, white-hot roots. It was pretty, but she was pretty sure this broke a law or several. Then again, she ate an iridescent fruit that granted her the ability to change the colour of objects and turned her into a cement block in water, so what did she know?

The steel wool quickly dissolved and the frequency of the sparks increased.

"Umm…" Frederick started.

Llama nodded and climbed up one of ladders scaling the bookshelf walls. She glanced back when she felt she was high enough. The mixture, at that point, was little more than a flashing bulb that would fit nicely in an evil lair. As she watched, it starting humming like a demented bird and exploded in a ringing burst of burning light. Llama snapped her eyes shut against it and clung to the ladder like a leech.

Eventually, the light seemed to die and she cautiously opened her eyes. Her vision was horribly spotted but it didn't seem _too_ bad overall. Blinking rapidly, she descended the ladder and patted herself down when she reached the floor. Everything seemed to be in order and she wasn't covered in anything strange so she figured she was alright. Hopefully the other flasks-

Llama jumped and rushed over to the burner, quickly turning it off and removing the flask from the heat. A swift survey showed nothing was on fire, which was a bit sad but she'd prefer not to burn the whole place down just yet.

"Well," Frederick breathed, "that was something."

She nodded and dropped onto a bench. Her eyes traced over the stark streak of shimmering blue on the table and… around a fresh hole in the floor. Okay. Pulling out the required pieces for a PH test, she carefully chose a spot of the now-goo-like substance and tested it. It ate the testing paper before she could get a result.

"Okay, I'm not touching that."

"No, you are not touching that."

Sighing, she grabbed the thermometer and jabbed it into the first flask. Or she tried to, at least. The contents were rock solid, and the ambient heat alone was enough to make her flinch back and check her hand for burns. Thankfully there didn't seem to be any. She grunted tossed the tool away, picking up her mystery metal and ignoring the sound of glass breaking. She upended the metal into the next flask of fluid, leaving a bit to use later. She stared down at the mixture intently as it slowly began to bubble.

Then, without warning, it exploded.

Llama flew back, only just saving her head from a meeting with the floor by tucking her chin in. She let out a loud 'oof' as she hit the ground and she laid splayed out like a fish on dry land as the dust settled.

"...Are you okay, my dear?"

She groaned.

"...Perhaps you should get some rest."

She ripped off her now sticky goggles and rolled on to stomach, cursing whatever high beings she still couldn't decide if they existed or not.

LL~~AA

Llama frowned at the breaker in her hands. It was just ordinary gunpowder but for some reason it smelt… different. Not off, really (could gunpowder even go off in that sense? Did it have a best before date? She'd have to look into that) but it was so much more poignant somehow. It didn't make any sense. Not that anything really made sense here.

This was starting to get confusing.

"Only starting?" Frederick chuckled.

"Oh, shut it, you."

She took another sniff. Yup, definitely stronger. Also slightly more pleasant but maybe she was just being weird.

"Lab accident."

Llama slowly turned to stare at him. His head was slightly tilted; she nudged it back into place.

"Ah, thank you, my dear. But seriously, lab accident with barely understood chemicals?"

She scowled. "This isn't a comic book."

"That would make it easier, wouldn't It?"

She jerked away, glowering at the table and the objects she had all but thrown onto it that morning. Or whatever it was.

He sighed. "My dear-"

An explosion rocked the boat, tipping the table's contents to the floor with a crash. Various chemicals, elements, and liquids mixed with broken glass and burnt wood. With a harshly uttered 'shit', she grabbed Frederick and threw herself out of the lab. The room burst into flames almost as soon as she cleared the doors.

She hit the ground _hard_ , dropping the skeleton and rolling over several times in case any of her clothes caught. When she stopped she patted herself down and found that, no, they hadn't though her pant legs were a bit singed. Great. Fine. She could live with that. She turned to find Frederick lying limp on the floor. Several pieces had come loose and rolled down the hall. She scrambled after them.

Another explosion, pained screams. They were not the screams of children.

"Shiver my timbers, shiver my soul, yo ho heave ho. There are men whose hearts are as black as coal, yo ho heave ho," she whispered, gaze locked on the ceiling. She stood and _ran._

Because not all the explosions were hers.

Yes, she booby-trapped the ship to high heaven but they were small, spread out, not-

The ship rocked with the force of another blast.

' _Fire! In the second row! This whole place is a powder keg!_

The tremors of chain reactions above sent shockwaves through floor beneath and made her legs shake and eyes water. The acrid smells were almost overwhelming; marshmallows and banana-boats and chemicals and poison gas and campfired and _gunpowder_. She latched onto that last one, held the sense of _danger_ - _safety_ close to her heart and ran as fast as her legs could carry her.

She'd designed the traps for _her_ after all, for her and her forgetful brain. She left signs that were obvious to her, things she'd catch even at her most absent-minded, that were familiar notes and only just eye-catching enough to draw a some 'huh' from the curious but little else. She'd experimented with Pony, found what worked and what didn't or even worked too well. She walked the halls of the ship every day, keeping an eye out and memorizing every inch of each trap location. Memorizing and memorizing because she _always_ _forgot_. And now the ship rocked and shook and heaved and everything shifted _just enough_ that she couldn't trust that the traps were still in place. A few went off in her wake.

Her lungs burned and she wasn't sure if it was just exertion or if the heat and smoke were getting to them. Fire ate at the ship somewhere, the heat seeping into the colder spaced. She saw it lick along walls as she moved, always just within sight. She didn't stop, didn't pause or slow to watch it grow and fatten in morbid fascination the way she liked to do. She followed the winding corridors as they steady twisted up with stairs and stairs, up up up. And finally, _finally_ , she reached the hatch that would take her to the deck. She scrambled up and out, slipping past the traps, and took a big gulp of mostly smoke-free air.

Only to choke on it as a gun was aimed right between her eyes.

It was a flintlock pistol as far as she could tell, and just how stereotypical could you get? Didn't current pirates have AKs or something? Couldn't these guys at least upgrade to a revolver? Or did they just want to be historically accurate?

She followed the path of the gun up to the rugged, scarred man holding it. And his rather modern-ish clothes. Scratch that last thought.

"Hey there, girly," he sneered, gesturing for her to get up. She stood wearily, eyes darting to the group of angry men around her. None of them were dressed like pirates but they were the only ones besides the kids that were currently in the Mist with her. Their flag had been kind of weird, maybe that explained It?

"Ya wouldn't happen ta know 'ow ta get outta here, now would ya?" another growled.

Llama curled into herself, arms wrapped tightly around her and fingers digging into her side. She bit her lips and shook her head.

"Now, now," yet another said, "that ain't right. We've seen yur traps, girly. Ya know this place" He stepped closer and shoved his face into hers. "Ya must know the exit."

She leaned back as far as she could without tipping over or touching the man behind her. She felt frozen, even as her breath hitched and sped up. She shook her head.

His face twisted into a snarl. "Hey, now." He reached for her.

A new explosion practically rocked the ship onto its side.

Her arm snapped out and backhanded the pirate across the nose. He reeled back and she ducked around him, racing to the railing while the men stumbled through the aftershocks. Her momentum rammed her into the rails. She grunted, scrambling over it with barely a look at where her little path was. She spotted it not too far away - surprisingly unmoved - and shimmied over to it just enough to risk a jump.

Blunted nails scratched her skin as she leapt.

Llama landed with a resounding _crack_ \- but the boards held; they held but how long, _how long?_ \- and bolted to the next ship. Caution was ditched in the waves and the boardwalk shook violently with each step she took. But it didn't matter. It didn't matter when fire hungrily licked behind her and pirates sneered and peered and _what's the risk of drowning compared to that?_

When she was close enough, she jumped to the pothole she always used and latched onto the edges.

The boardwalk dropped beneath her feet.

A gargled voice cried for help but she didn't turn. She scrambled into the new ship. She barely paused, racing through the halls as fast as she could. She bashed into walls, nearly ran into corners and tripped over her own feet.

The only sounds chasing her were her own rapid footprints and harsh breathing.

She made it to the other side, scrambled onto the next part of the boardwalk, and was halfway up the side of next ship when the cry of a cut off scream drew her attention.

Llama finished her ascent and, panting, finally turned back.

The entire ship was wreathed in flames. It lit the dark sky like a beacon in the night, the light painting the Mist the colours of sunrise. The fire almost seemed to dance before her eyes. She became aware of the intense heat as adrenaline faded from her system. She shivered despite it and hunched over to try to retain some measure of warmth. Black plumes of smoke rose high to mix with the Mist, forming a twisted signal if destruction.

It was beautiful.

Her eyes trailed down as an explosion made a hole below the waterline. Corpses floated right next to it. Her breath caught in her throat and she turned, collapsing to her knees and clutching at her head. She hadn't meant to do it. She hadn't meant, hadn't meant hadn'tmeanthadn'tmeanthadn'tmeant-

 _Frederick._

Her eyes snapped open (when had they closed?) and, standing, spun around to stare at the slowly sinking wrecking. The bodies were going with it.

"They probably would have killed you," Frederick whispered.

"Maybe."

"They weren't good people, my dear."

"Can't know that."

The ghost of a ghost sighed, shoulders dropping from some imagined weight.

"I forgot your bones," she whispered hoarsely.

"I wasn't actually attached to them, my dear."

"I can't have nice things," she hiccuped. "I ruin everything I touch."

"That's not-"

"Stupid, idiotic _bitch_."

Shutting down all thoughts of her imaginary friend, Llama collapsed to the deck in tears and bashed her head repeatedly against the hardwood as she cried.

The flaming ship sunk below the waves, all traces of it and the pirates consumed by the cold water.

LL~~AA

Llama didn't stay in one place again. She jumped from ship to ship, experimenting with explosives whenever she got the chance. Occasionally the children came too close to whatever ship she currently claimed as hers. They were easy to scare off.

While she found children annoying, she had to admit that the moniker they'd given her was rather amusing. For one because ninjas were _awesome_. For two because they managed to realize the importance of Mr Pointy. Or maybe that was because she kept hitting them with it. Either way, scaring the crap out of them was both hilarious and the only real source of entertainment she had since she _still_ couldn't find working batteries and couldn't always focus on books.

That probably said more about her than she was willing to analyze.

In any case, Llama did everything she could to keep the bad thoughts away. If it didn't work, hitting her head usually helped knock them out.

While she still occasionally picked up some pretty jewelry, Llama tried to focus on only one thing.

Surviving.

LL~~AA

Ships that came in from beyond the Mist were rare but it did happen. Both before and after the kids and the pirates. Llama had never paid them much mind. They were never close enough to truly affect her. She'd occasionally hear shouting or screaming in the distance, or come across a new ship in an area she frequented.

But even with Neptune and the sea dragon gone there were still monsters that lurked in the depths. She never saw any of the newcomers alive. Except the pirates. And the children.

The pirates were dead now, though. Dead and gone with fire and chemicals. The kids were still around. How they survived when others didn't was a mystery to her. Maybe this was the real Neverland.

And for all her jokes about horrible things happening to kids, she'd never actually _do_ anything to them. Sure, she hated kids but she would never wish for them to suffer. So she never did more to them than scare them away and hit them a little with Mr Pointy.

Children were a _necessary_ evil. Like politicians.

There were times when Llama wondered if she should be concerned about her morbid sense if humour.

Rambling tangents aside, Llama started actively avoiding whatever came from Beyond. Except the kids, because they were apparently ants. Ants were fine when they were outside but could they stay out of the house, please?

Sighing, she stretched and headed off, just missing the dark shape sliding away in the water.

LL~~AA

Llama wondered when she'd stopped looking for a way home.

LL~~AA

Crabs, Llama decided, were bloody _awful_. Sure, the little ones were freaking adorable - really, the only small things that _weren't_ adorable were freaking spiders, urgh - but if she didn't see one ever again she'd die happy.

Giant crabs were bloody freaking _awful_. This one in particular was an asshole. An asshole that was trying to eat her. It could go to hell.

Llama threw one of her larger bombs at it and ducked, quickly running alongside the railing to get a better angle. The sound of a cascading explosion was closely followed by a guttural roar. Because obviously. If Llama ever got out of here, she was going to whack Hollywood with her stick. Repeatedly.

She lept onto the rails and chucked her string bombs after lighting the fuse. They did not go far. She slumped as the tumbled towards the water, got caught on a giant pincer as it came up, and blow it off.

She sighed. That experiment was a bust. Meanwhile, the crab _screamed._

She scowled even as she hopped to another ship. Crabs were _not_ supposed to make those sounds. Did crabs even make vocal noise? What does the crab say? Why was this the thing that was confusing her when she was fighting a _giant freaking man-eating crab?_

Llama grabbed her next bomb - and this thing was taking way too many hits - and took aim. The crab lunged. She threw. It swallowed it.

She saw the moment it went off. The beast seemed to hiccup, belching out a cloud of smoke. Its momentum carried it forward until it collapsed in a heap in front of her. The waves rose, pushing the surrounding ships away. Several overturned. Hers rocked under the force and she sank into a defensive pose for balance. Her eyes remained locked in the animal.

Eventually the waves receded, the ships calmed and the huge corpse settled. Llama continued to stare at it for a moment before tossing one more bomb into its face. It blew up in a gory mess of blood and fishy flesh.

Satisfied, Llama jumped onto its treasure-covered back - and _how_ did this shit stay on during that fight? _Why_ did a crab even _have_ all this shit on it on the first place? How did it even get it all _on_? Roll around in sticky glue? - and poked it with her stick just to make sure, then began scouring it for anything she might like.

After all, if she was going to be ambushed by monster crabs with glittering backs she might as well get _something_ useful out of it.

LL~~AA

Llama made a mental note: her new sense of smell was weird but useful. She made a second one: pirates were scary and weird. The rubber one in particular. Though she might just be biased for fire.

It was at this point she wished she still had that devil fruit book. She _really_ wanted to know how that one worked. And what kind of effects she could make with her explosions.

It occurred to Llama that she might be going crazy in here.

She wondered if she cared anymore.

LL~~AA

Llama felt like hissing. For one because the sun was _too frigging bright, holy shit_. For two because she hadn't liked the sun _before_ all this, so she wasn't surprised she hated it even more after leaving the Mist.

Thus far, the Mist was winning in the the points department.

(And holy shit was it terrifying to find out that time didn't work properly there. How much time had passed? Did Pony even know she was missing? Would anyone be looking for her?)

Something was happening on shore, but she didn't really care. She just wanted out of the sun and away from everyone around her. She also didn't trust the look of the place they were docked at but maybe she'd spent too much time in a ship graveyard. But for all she knew there were just as many monsters here as in the Mist. So she did the next best thing.

She hid in the orange trees. (At least, she thought they were orange trees. They certainly _looked_ like oranges and she wasn't about to question their orange-iness. Look, the only thing thing she needed to know about food was if it tasted good, leave her alone.)

She wasn't sure how much time passed after that - she might have dozed off - but the next thing she knew she was being bothered by a blond man.

"Ah, hello there, Llama-chan!" the curly-browed creep - what was his name again? Snajey? - sing-songed. "What are you doing in such a place? Com on out and I-"

He was close - too close, tooclosetooclose - and her reflects kicked in before she could even process anything.

She whipped out Mr Pointy and whacked curly-brow across the nose.

He yelped and fell back, wide eyes staring at her in shock. There was a red mark rapidly brightening on his face, but other than that he didn't seem all that affected by it. Damn it. She stamped down on the urge to apologize. She didn't know him, he shouldn't have that close and she brandished her stick when it looked like he would try to approach again.

Another blonde - this time a woman - and put her hand on curly-brow's shoulder. She was a spindly thing that reminded her of the trembling aspens back home. Which wasn't a great comparison, really, considering the big one was knocked down in that wind storm a couple years back.

"Sanji-san, perhaps we should leave her alone for now and let her adjust. I'm sure she's not used to such boisterous people just yet."

Sanji - she was kinda close on that? - sighed. "You're right, Kaya-chan." He stood, pulled out a cigarette and glanced at her before moving away. "Perhaps it's time to start on lunch. What would you like for dessert?"

Llama tuned them out and curled into herself. It would seem she was stuck here for a while.

Taking out Fluffy, Llama relaxed and went to sleep.

LL~~AA

When she woke, it was dark. And she was still tired. As per usual. Fantastic.

Sitting up, Llama noticed a covered dish just on the edge of the trees. Her stomach growled angrily at her. She sighed and investigated. Opening it revealed what had to be dinner and it smelled _divine_. Hesitating for only a second, she dug in.

It was a touch cold but still delicious, whatever it was. It was also not quite as filling as she'd hoped but there was a second dish that might have-

Chocolate.

Llama frowned at what _had_ to be dessert. If one could call it that. It looked like some fancy French dish that she had no hope of naming. And it was chocolate. But maybe looks were deceiving? She reached out with her fork. After all, there might be some flavouring that would counteract the chocolate. Never judge a book-

Nope, it was chocolate. Pure, undiluted chocolate. Urgh.

She stood, picked up the trays, and wandered to the kitchen. She needed to throw this shit out. Or pawn it off on someone. Whichever came first.

Llama found the kitchen in the cabin beneath the trees which was actually rather convenient. A light was on and a person sat at the table, which was slightly less convenient. She stared at the dessert in her hand. Maybe that person would like it? Taking a steadying breath, she went inside.

The person - woman, tall, dark hair, curious eyes - looked up from the book in her hands as she entered. They stared awkwardly at each other for a moment before the woman smiled and offered the seat across from her. Llama took it, placing the dishes in front of her.

"Enjoyed Cook-san's cooking, I see," the woman said. "He's very good, wouldn't you say?"

She shrugged.

"Did it fill you up?"

She shook her head.

The woman quirked a brow. "But you haven't finished dessert."

"It's _chocolate_ ," she said as if that explained everything. Which it totally did.

The woman chuckled at the face she made. "You'll want to inform Cook-san, then. He can't stand wasted food and he always likes to make special treats for the girls on the ship."

Llama pushed the dessert towards her. She blinked but accepted with a smile. "My name is Robin, by the way."

"Llama…"

She laughed again. She had a nice laugh. "I know. You're all the crew can talk about at the moment."

Well. That was terrifying.

"Oh, it's only good things, I assure you. Captain-san has already decided that you'll be a member of this crew."

Llama wasn't entirely sure what to think of that. Her eyes dropped to the table, nerves fraying under Robin's stare. The book caught her eye and she leaned towards it. The Rainbow Mist?

"That's where you were," Robin said, fork scraping up the last of the chocolate monstrosity.

She frowned. "I thought it was Ape's Concert? Though…" She tilted her head. "What would an ape need a concert for?"

Robin chuckled. "Can't apes be musical? After all, boys can be rubber."

"I guess…"

"But to answer your first question; Ape's Concert is the name for graveyards like that. That particular one just happens to be contained in the Rainbow MIsts." She slid the book over to her. "I have all the volumes of this if you would like to read them."

She nodded and Robin left to retrieve them. Llama, feeling awkward after a minute or so, took the dishes to the sink.

"Ah, leave those," Robin said as she returned. "I can take care of them. I'm sure you want to get started on these."

Llama nodded eagerly, took the books with a mumbled 'thanks' and retreated outside. Someone was snoring loudly in the crow's nest, so she returned to the orange trees. Or whatever they were. Settling down, she cracked open the first book.

LL~~AA

The next day Sanji was going around with mid-morning snacks. Chocolatey snacks.

Llama had been dragged out of the trees - apparently they were mikans; she was considering calling them oranges in protest - and was currently hiding behind Bluejay since they wouldn't let her go anywhere else. Assbutts.

"Blue-chan! Llama-chan!" the cook sang as he noodle-danced over to them. She wondered if one of his past lives was a squid. "I have dessert for-"

"Chocolate is disgusting."

The pirates froze, Bluejay with her hand reaching for the treat and Sanji bent over with the tray held out to the girls. Slowly, they turned to her.

"Ah?"

"Chocolate," she repeated. "It's disgusting."

Sanji frowned, brows bunching up in confusion. "But… You ate the dessert I left for you last night?"

"I gave it to Robin." She fiddled with the end of her scarf. "Because it was disgusting."

Something in him seemed to break and the tray slipped from his hand. Thankfully, Blue caught it, bringing the desserts close with a cheerful, "More for me!" Sanji's face went through a complicated series of expressions that she couldn't read. Maybe no one had ever called his food gross before?

"It was chocolate," she pointed out. "So it was gross." Which really didn't seem to be helping if the twist of his face was anything to go by. At least Blue seemed amused by this? Or maybe she just liked having a shit tonne of chocolate. "Also beans. Not green beans or spring beans, those are good. But the kidney shaped ones. Like Lima beans or… kidney beans. Those are gross. So is chili. Not the country but the food, the country's probably nice. I've never been. Also milk. Milk is nasty. Unless it's in cereal. Or chocolate. Chocolate milk is good but strawberry is better. Oh, and hot chocolate is delicious, especially with whipped cream. Peanut butter is only good in a sandwich with jam. Salmon is gross. Mint is worse than chocolate, especially if it's _with_ chocolate. Unless it's mint chocolate chip ice cream. Mint chocolate chip ice cream is _delicious_.

"Ah?" Sanji still seemed to be broken. And Blue was staring at her. Probably because that was the most she'd said in one go since she came aboard. Oops. She took the opportunity to flee.

LL~~AA

The Straw Hat pirates, it turned out, were insane. It was fantastic. There were days, however, when she was convinced the Mist had finally cracked her and this whole adventure was a massive hallucination. Knocking the thoughts out sometimes helped, but not often.

There was still something that didn't make sense, though.

It wasn't until after they'd escaped from G8 that she was able to get Robin alone.

The woman was set up in the kitchen for watch and Llama tiptoed in with an armful of books. Robin smiled at her as she approached and closed her book as she sat down. It looked like a history book, and Llama's fingers _twitched_ with the urge to crack it open and learn its secrets.

"Did you enjoy them?" Robin asked, indicating the volumes she placed on the table.

She shrugged. They shared a quiet moment before Llama mustered the courage to speak.

"Why am I here?"

Robin blinked, obviously taken aback by the question. "What do you mean?"

She gestured vaguely. "I mean. Why am I here?"

"Captain-san-"

She shook her head. "No, like." She stopped and frowned. "The books said that people leaving the Mists end up at the same time if not the exact same place that they entered it. So." She swept her arms to encompass the room around them. "Why am I _here_?"

Robin tilted her head, eyes sparkling like she wanted tear everything down to sink her teeth into the mystery. "I don't know."

Llama slumped.

"It may be because you were with us when we left. Perhaps too much time had passed in your world or the connection was weak in that particular moment." She shrugged. "I'm not sure we'll ever know. Why not make the most of it while it lasts?"

There was something sad in the way she said it. Or Llama was just projecting. Llama was projecting.

She frowned, nodded, and stood.

"Bomb-chan," Robin called as she reached the galley door. She turned to her. "If you need anything-"

"I'll be fine," she murmured, retreating.

Thankfully the crow's nest was empty - the crew seemed to have finally realized it was _her_ spot, even if some people still tried to use it for watch. Taking Fluffy out, Llama hugged the rabbit to her chest and curled to sleep, willing the tears away.

 _Because there was nothing wrong in her life that she should be upset about._


End file.
